The eternal principles of repentance and forgiveness build strong and happy relationships in marriage. Learn to say "I'm sorry" and to let go of resentment.
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"When couples get married, their love is deep, and they joyfully anticipate the prospect of spending the eternities together. They enjoy having endless talks, going for long walks, and spending time together. It is a wonderful feeling being with someone you love so deeply.
Unfortunately, for many couples the bliss of deep love and immensely satisfying companionship that was present when they first got married doesn’t last. Long talks become replaced with frequent arguments, and when not spent fighting, their time together is characterized by angry silence.
Many of these couples divorce. Others manage the hostility by emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. The spouses become distant from each other, and they keep their interaction to a minimum.
A number of reasons have been identified by researchers, but lately I’ve been thinking that most of these reasons can be boiled down to two fundamental factors: a lack of repentance and a lack of forgiveness.
It is important to note that these principles of repentance and forgiveness apply to all relationships, not just to marriage. They apply to roommates, family members, and colleagues at work. So, no matter what one’s marital status is or what the prospects in the near future are, these principles are important to all of us.
In most cases we are married for only a short time before we hurt our spouse’s feelings. Whether it is intentional, based on selfishness, or just inadvertent mistakes, we all end up doing things that create hurt in our spouse.
The remedy is pretty straightforward. We say, “I’m sorry.” We feel badly that we hurt our spouse, apologize, learn from the experience, and do our best not to make the same mistake again. We repent, and, assuming that the problem wasn’t too major, the issue is over.
In order to be effective, an apology must be sincere and heartfelt. There needs to be evidence that you are truly sorry and that you are remorseful that you have hurt or offended your spouse.
Besides a sincere apology, repentance includes striving to forsake our shortcomings and weaknesses. We strive to keep our promises to do the dishes. We focus on not being grumpy and not snapping at our spouse. We endeavor to become better listeners and less judgmental. As we continually repent, we constantly try to improve ourselves. We strive to overcome our weaknesses and develop more Christlike qualities. By doing so, we become a better person and a better spouse.
In order for a marriage to be successful, there needs to be more than repentance; there also needs to be forgiveness. These two gospel principles are complementary, and both are necessary in order to progress spiritually. Similar to other gospel principles-like faith and works and justice and mercy-repentance and forgiveness are most effective when they are understood and practiced together.
Just as repentance washes away our sins and weaknesses, forgiveness washes away the hurts and emotional injuries that are inherent in being married to someone who is imperfect. Forgiveness is the perfect antidote for the poison of resentment. Forgiveness completely neutralizes resentment and makes room in our heart for feelings of love to flourish and grow.
May we be willing to take responsibility for our own sins and weaknesses that create stress and hurt in our marriages. May we use the healing power of the Atonement to overcome our sins, imperfections, and weaknesses. May we use the power of the Atonement to heal our hurts and sorrows so that we can fully forgive.
I testify that the Atonement not only heals broken souls, it also heals broken hearts. I also testify that the Atonement heals broken relationships. I testify that the Atonement brings hope to each of us and our marriages. I testify that as we are quick to repent and quick to forgive, our lives and our marriages will be blessed throughout the eternities." - Rick Miller
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Richard B. Miller was a BYU professor in the School of Family Life when this devotional address was given on 19 January 2010.
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6 июн 2012
