Retired Cop interview-Kevin 

Mark, thank you so much for having me. It’s a cleansing experience.

20 year combat veteran. 2 divorces, suicidal, alcoholic, addict, fearful, scared, depressed, anxious...I relate to you bro. Thank you for sharing. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Mark this is one of your best interviews. I am a retired firefighter and suffered the depression, divorce, and I too put a gun in my mouth. I made it through the other side by the Grace of God. Thank you

I am a 25.5-year retired LAPD Detective that had an experience that affected me when I was a gang patrol officer. I too had nightmares and headaches every time I recalled the incident. Yes, talking about how it impacted me helped me get passed the anxiety I felt. Kudos to this officer for sharing his experience that undoubtedly will help anyone who is going though a rough time at this moment.

I retired in ‘97 after 30 years, three shootings & the loss of seven friends/colleagues. While I never fell into booze, or anything else, I do recall being an angry person, often for no reason, likely directed at those closest to me. Somehow I got through it and am fortunate to enjoy a close relationship w/my wife of 54 years, kids & grandkids. My principal identity now is simply Grandpa. Guess I was lucky, but at 77 I cherish every day on this earth. Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you.

All I can say is holy shit. I hope this dude goes around and talks to other police depts around the country and share his story. We need more like him. Incredible mark. Thank you

This almost felt like a TEDtalk. He's so well spoken.

My mom witnessed a woman commit suicide with a handgun in her and my dads church while the woman was facing her! My mom then sat by her side for almost 45 minutes waiting for EMT’s to arrive. The lady was still alive, but then died enroute to the hospital. She’s still affected by loud sounds. She never got therapy/help and it still affects her. Thank you for sharing Kevin’s experience with PTS.

This is one of the most meaningful interviews I've ever heard. The fact that you don't interrupt and let the person truly tell their story is a gift.

I loved this interview. For being a tough cop, he speaks so freely from the depths of his heart and uses easy terms to help us reflect on ourselves.

You know it’s a great interview when Mark doesn’t have to ask any questions and can just let the person speak the whole time! Wonderful job guys!!!

Great interview!!!! I was in Law Enforcement for 33 years. The part I loved about the job was the opportunity to help people. I believe it's very rare that a person that is in Law Enforcement for over 20 years not to have some form of ptsd. Brother thank you for helping other fellow officers so hopefully they don't have to take the same path you did. I will keep you in my prayers!!!!!

As a former wife to a former police officer who was injured on the job via a vehicle accident, I was absolutely moved to tears. Police, fire life and family carry an underlying stress. Your story is relatable to every spouse of those careers. Congratulations on finding your identity!

I don't think I have ever been more impressed by a subject of an interview. First, a young man growing up with gangsters who becomes a cop to help people. He had his identity all along...a good, compassion strong man of integrity. He explained severe PTSD so well. I live it and am being treated for it because I was the one who found the most important person in my life who didn't get that moment of clarity at that crucial moment Kevin did. I am so happy Kevin's wife and children don't have to live this. The way Kevin lives and thinks is so filled with strength, intelligence and most importantly, kindness, and he should be so very proud of his identity.

Thank you for sharing this interview. I'm told by my elders that storytelling is the oldest form of healing. Grateful for this man and the grace and courage that carry him.

This man is SO self-aware, especially considering all he's lived through - it's VERY impressive. He is a walking, talking testament to the benefits of therapy, and also of living for a higher goal (helping others). I'm not quite there yet, but he's making me think.

As a black man who has had dealings with some rascist cops and some rascist white people in general, this guy really touched me. I don't look at him as a cop or a white person but as a human being that is full of emotion and compassion, I have nothing but respect and compassion for him. If we all just looked at each other as human beings our country and this world would be a better place. God bless you sir.

When he said the doctor asked if he was ok and he said yeah, so she asked again "no, are you ok?" I knew he'd start crying. Sometimes that's the one question someone can ask you that just makes you break.

I've watched an insane amount of interviews on this channel, and this one I have to comment on. I have never had any desire to hear what a cop had to say, but I am so glad I watched this interview. The wisdom that was shared at the end was incredible, and so important for folks to hear. Thank you guys for this one!!!!

Such a strong person to speak so openly about pain. We can all learn from a man who can verbalize trauma in such an honest way.

Being his age also from NJ with an abusive alcoholic father I can relate to everything this man just touched on . Wow I needed to hear him..Thanks Kevin

Having recently retired after 30 years on the job, I found Kevin's story about Mason inspiring. Perhaps, Mark, find Mason's mother and interview her. The irony here is visceral. Kevin saved her from a fate he would soon collide with, more than once. I took a life on July 3, 1994. I felt nothing. The therapist (protocol in California) told me that something would happen and trigger great sadness. The suspect (armed with a pistol) had been wearing a Walkman. Five months later, while driving home, I saw a kid wearing a walkman; I fell apart and cried. On my last day on the job, I went back to the scene (after 27 years) and said a prayer for the departed. Amen...

Mark. I recently found your channel because of the JRE podcast. Currently going down a rabbit hole on your channel. Love the work you are doing.

My wife and I were talking about ptsd, and I said in passing that police officers have ptsd too. And I stopped in my tracks and realized I had just identified what my problem was. Paranoia, there’s a bad guy just around every corner. Anxiety, loud noises can make me shake and break out in a sweat. And criminals make me angry enough to consider murder, even petty criminals. But, murder would, of course, make me one of them, and the worst of them. I retired early from law enforcement, and over twenty years ago. But, even at my age I realize it’s not to late to seek help. If, for no other reason than to share experiences, or help others with their issues. I was almost crying listening to you. Thank you for sharing your experiences and life with us, brother. I wish you the best that life has to offer. And thank you for your service.

33:32 "We're not put on this Earth for personal gain, we're put on this Earth to help our fellow human being". The most moving, inspirational thing I've heard anyone say in YEARS. Thank you very much!

This guy is a natural storyteller. I can listen to him all day long.

I was severely emotionally abused by my parents and grandfather. Hearing Kevin so eloquently explain the intensity of the damage he suffered from emotional abuse is profoundly validating. Thank you so much for your courage and honesty.

I'm a retired cop who was shot and I can relate to most of this. I remember being told "You can remember without reliving."

From the abuse,trauma,hopelessness,suicide attempts I feel it man. You deserve all of this help and you are worth it man.

Really refreshing to see someone typically associated to a very traditional sense of masculinity (tough, not sharing feelings, authority figure, etc) share his worries and whatnot. It helps to generate empathy and realize that we all humans are far more similar than we think, therefore we should try to be less dickish to each other.

What a great and powerful interview , I am 68 and I have finally learned this lesson . It is all about helping others . God bless You Kevin and Mike .

Man, I’m so glad that kid found you and said thank you. I recently got the opportunity, as you may know, to interview the officer who handled my SA case and thank him for what he did. Also, when that doctor asked “are you okay?” I have an exact situation that happened to me when I was younger and getting out of the Army. I was pacing around my house cleaning and my brain was racing. My childhood trauma had recently sparked and took over and my wife just stopped me and asked if I was okay. Then I broke down. Fell apart and she held me until I was better. Man, the similarities are striking. I can’t wait to meet you guys and tell my story. Listening to this is so helpful in healing and understanding the feelings you have from PTS.

This is like looking into a mirror! After 40 years behind the badge I feel like Kevin just told my life’s story. I’ve watched this numerous times and I finally feel hopeful for a better life to come. I’ve been to the point of checking out but I too always found a reason to stay. Mark, thank you so much for this video and thank you Kevin for sharing your life struggles with us! Kevin is such a great man and I am proud to stand the thin blue line with him!

As a child of a police officer, I commend you. You took yourself out of self destructive ways for your wife & children . I only wish mine would've . Led to a damaged childhood, pts /anxiety , I ended up a teen heroin addict into my early 20's . I was slowly killing myself, punishing myself for a situation I had no control over . Thank God for my grandparents . Now over 12 years clean , bought my first home , I'm breaking this cycle one day at a time . Hopefully my other siblings will do the same ..... Thank you for your story 🙏🏼💖

Fantastic interview, coming from someone who’s tried suicide multiple times due to PTSD, anxiety and depression. I too feel that after much therapy I have a duty to give back to people who are suffering like I was. I feel like that is my calling. I still have bad days once in a while, but that’s normal. We weren’t put on this earth to be perfect beings, something that took me a long time to figure out. This interview hit home! Thank you!

I am 74, I am in tears right now, no, I am not a cop, just an individual who has lost who he cherished the most in his Life, my only child, son "Lance" who at 26 has been taken away with Liver Cancer. I turned my back to a very successful profession and vanished living with my Dog in a tent. I am slowly emerging 20 years later. No, I did not get into drugs or drinking [luckily], just crawling through this dark tunnel which after watching here and also checking out "The Suffering Podcast" gives me hope. I want to "Thank You" @Soft White Underbelly and you @Kevin for sharing, doing what I now understand Humans "need" to do. It is never too late as I know the years have taken a toll on me. What a day... I am blown away and so filled with hope now while I am aware it is going to be baby steps one after another...

He and Nick, the war veteran, could have an amazing conversation I’m sure. I’m glad he found help for his PTS. I lost a loved to PTS, so when I hear a success story, it warms my heart. You’re right. The world is NOT better without you. Im grateful you were able to realize that.

As a fellow New Jerseyian who suffers from PTS, was abused as a child, and has completely self-destructed as well, I get it Kevin. Your video was profound, meaningful and hopefully helpful for many other sufferers.

Thank you for your candor, especially about the treatment to your family after you had to live through such an incident. I'm a 35 year old woman, I had two children by the time I was nineteen and my son, my first was the product of a rape. I was a victim of sexual trafficking and exploitation and homeless by fourteen, I'm incredibly grateful, and astounded that I'm alive today. However, I didn't know how trauma impacted my brain and body, significantly more since I have had several mild TBIs due to extensive physical abuse. I remember so many times losing my mind over seemingly trivial matters with my children and other loved ones. I tried to take my life back in 2012. I had been in an argument with my boyfriend, now husband, and I was struggling through addiction, mental health issues and still maintaining the appearance of having all of my shit together. I finally decided that if I was gone everyone would have it so much better. I took Clonazapan and a blood pressure medication and sat in my bathtub, my SO found me and called an ambulance. I had to have the stomach pumped, ICU for four days and psychiatric hold for another three. I remember seeing my son, held by my younger sister I'd raised so confused and terrified when I was loaded into the ambulance. At the time I was livid that SO had taken this away from me. I laid in that ICU. The ward was full and built like a round pod, nurses station in the center of the circle and surrounding her were the individual rooms. I looked at the patients who wanted to live and were dying, their family wanting so much for them to live and thinking about how unfair it was for me to take my own for granted. I've never felt the urge to take my life again. I felt like the world's biggest asshole. I think about the trauma I caused my own children during those times. I've been clean and sober since 2012, my children are beautiful and my life, while still difficult at times, is a blessing and I try to live and love the best way I know how. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. Even if you're a man! My husband was raised to think mental illness was something men don't have, they don't seek help, ask for assistance and it's terrible watching him try to navigate through the intense pain from the amount of sadistic abuse his father perpetrated. Sorry for rambling, but you struck a cord with me and I'm glad you shared.

I'm speechless. What a fantastic interview. I have sent this to a 22 yr old who desperately needs to watch this, and listen. Truly listen and understand. He's dealing, or not dealing with childhood issues by running away. Exactly what Kevin wonderfully explains is not the answer. I truly hope this helps him.

He speaks with incredible clarity and articulation. Such inner power and strong message! Impressive.

POWERFUL....................Mark didn't even have to ask 1question. Kevin's talk is not only powerful, but it resonates beyond any one person. It speaks to everyone in one form or another. Thank you Kevin. Thank you Mark.

I nearly closed this interview after 10 or so minutes because this man is a cop. How foolish that would've been. As a young man with an enormous amount of trauma, this is poignant and beautifully articulated. Pay it forward. Thank you for sharing. My apologies for passing such quick judgement.

How you turned out so compassionate and kindhearted is a true miracle. You have changed my perspective on so many things. It breaks my heart to think you believed that the world would be better off without you

As a mental health practitioner, i watch these stories, to make sure i can feel empathy for everyone. That i can listen to stories, much more then how somone presents at this moment in time. I really enjoy building my skills from this channel.. But....Hearing somone speaking so true to my life experiences, was interesting and emotional. I honestly have never felt proud for doing my line of work.. and this total stranger made me feel so proud.

I have to say out of all the interviews I’ve ever watched from you, this one touched me the most. Thank you for your work on this channel and KEVIN: Thank you for sharing your story!

I'm a rookie. I'm a little over a year in to the job. I signed up because I saw these clowns on TV killing people, and roughing people up and thought: "I could do better than that." I've found that this job is much more complicated than I thought. I'm not a stranger to this type of work. I was an EMT for 7 years, but it's different now. Previously, the calls I would have to wait for cops to show up for are now the ones *I* have to show up for so that the medics can do their thing. I've only been at it for a year. And I work in a high volume, high severity, understaffed, rural area. A lot of what you said resonated with me because even though I'm getting through it, I am still getting so tired of responding to shitty, dangerous situations. It's just me out there, my back up is so far out. Back up only comes when dispatch knows if the call isn't going well, which adds even more time. I just feel so tired and scared. I've recognized my state of mind, and have a therapy session scheduled. I just want to say I appreciate your words and wisdom. I don't know if this line of work is for me, and I'm fine with that. I have nothing left to prove. This line of work, like you said, makes me appreciate what I have even more. I take very few things for granted anymore. And I am sure to tell my wife and kid how much I love and appreciate them every damn day.

I recently found your podcast. I found several shows dealing with PTSD. I am trying to find them all because they help me understand my PTSD. Your work is therapy for me not entertainment. Thank you.

This is one of those rare interviews where I watched fully from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing your story, Kevin!

@1:30 "..,the emotional abuse he put me through..." Some scars never heal and the things we're told by our parents make a lasting impression and can effect us for a lifetime. Even when we know better. Facts.

A very perceptive person and talented speaker - Kevin. He has so much of value to give others, included us who heard him tonight. It's clear, God has blessed him.

This is my favorite interview this far, and I've seen nearly every one... This is authentic, raw, and I can relate to this so much! 💕😭✌️

Being a man of law enforcement, I been through traumatic incidents and suffer from PTSD. I can relate to every thing he said. Wow! That was an amazing. Thank you for sharing

This was the video of yours that finally broke me. Made me realize I related to this more than I'd like to admit. Different situations entirely but life happens. Very fortunate to be watching this. Glad you're doing better Kevin and still with us.

Wow, after being a cop for 20 years I can say I have gone through all of the ups and downs that Kevin has gone through. I came out of 20 years with post traumatic stress and it has taken me a year to almost find my primary identity. Great talk, great words. Everything this guy has gone through is fact, I have gone through a lot of it myself. I am touched to hear him speak. Thank you Kevin, you helped me heal.

I’ve watched a bunch of your videos and this was one of the best yet. This retired officer went through a lot and came through it with a sense of purpose. So many people don’t make it through tough times and it’s great to see that he helps people so they too can make it through the tough times. Thank for sharing this video.

I've been in this mindset and it's horrifying. I am no longer in that headspace and I look back with such grief and embarrassment but also a sense of being grateful. I made it through a dark time and only by the gace of my God, and for that I am grateful. 🥰

Kevin, you are an inspiration. It doesn’t even feel like “inspiration” captures the magnitude well enough. You’ve found a way to turn so much trauma and pain into good, and you’ve made it your purpose to spread that good into the world. Thank you for your service, in all of the many ways that you have served. You are making the world a better place. I’d like to donate to you - how can I do that?

Kevin your story hit home. I'm 54 and grew up in that same "Bad News Bears" era in the 70s when the popular way to parent was tough love, and when you got out of line at the park playing football with no pads, you might take a beating from an older kid, and that was acceptable. My parents split when I was 11 almost 12, and I had to be the man, with a weak mom, and a younger sister, and my businessman dad who I saw all of 2 days every other week was always hard on me mentally always kicking me down (so I didn't get a big head), which is almost comical. He was actually great when the chips were down, but would always be more than ready to shut you down if you showed too much joy or confidence. I think it's maybe just the traits they were taught by their depression era parents, and I get that, though I didn't like it at the time. Life is weird and now raising kid's has done a 180, and it's too much the other way IMO.

Soft White Underbelly is like a history book. As time goes on as long as this channel remains people will study and analyze the people of our time and the things we all went through.

We need more stories like this. We need to see that not ALL cops are bad. It's a HARD job. I know I wouldn't want to do it. This guy really tells his story with such emotion I can almost feel how he felt. We need more compassion! Our society has been split and we need to come back together. With people like Kevin telling their stories, maybe just maybe, we can start to come back together.

This triggered me real bad. Random unstoppable tears just flowed. I thought I had dealt with my childhood stuff at 45.

As a woman who spent many years in & out of Afghanistan & Baghdad, the sister of two fallen Officers, the daughter of a fallen Officer & the stepdaughter of a lifelong Homicide Detective (38yrs & counting), I needed you to know I’m SO grateful you’re here🙏 But that’s not your reason for doing this interview. You didn’t do this for accolades or atta-boy’s, I hear it in your voice… & I know that because I hear the same tone from my stepfather… In the 20yrs I’ve been part of his life, I’ve watched him change, in every way. And he’s been in the “numb” phase for at least 10 of those years. He smiles, but what he’s been through, what he’s seen, the partners he’s lost, civilians he couldn’t save, even the ones he could, & everything in between, still comes through in his eyes. He’s one of the most humble, compassionate & kind human beings I’ve ever had the honor of knowing… but that heavy weight he carries, never leaves him. I see a lot of pain & at 35, when I chose to take his same career path, I saw pride in his eyes, mixed with an immense amount of fear. But he’s never said a word about it. And that comes from one of his biggest regrets in his life. That regret involves me. My father was his partner 30yrs ago when my father lost his life. The guilt has eaten at him for years & it has caused him to push me away. My mother walked away from me when my father was k*lled, she lost who she was when she lost him. And I ended up being HER regret; & am treated as such. Daily. Even after the years of physical, mental & emotional abuse, I still tried to love her. She got clean 22yrs ago, but doesn’t want the reminder. & I’m not someone who wants to be where I’m not wanted. Eventually my grandparents had to step in & I thank God everyday they took me in with zero hesitation & raised me with the unconditional love I’d never had from my mother. I married a man like my stepfather, & am now a single mother of five. I’ve got 3 boys who play baseball & 2 beautiful, smart & talented girls. I’ve been to therapy on & off since I was 25, trying to get as much help as I could so my kids weren’t products of an angry, sad, resentful & damaged mother. It feels like I take 10 steps forward & 15 back. I don’t feel adequate, I feel I fail them at every turn, all the time. When I lost my brothers, I’d lost the only men in my life that made sure me & my kids felt safe. So now, it’s just me. I take care of my grandparents the best I can, I’m trying to raise my boys to be good & honorable men & raise my girls not to accept anything less. Your story softened my heart. Something I wasn’t sure was possible anymore. Prayers🙏 💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙

This man is gifted. I lived in that place for years, and you just don’t know until you’ve been there. You are an inspiration sir. Incredible video.

Wow! His unfiltered truth left me just in shock. Thank God you didn't leave this earth. People in pain need more men like you, who are willing to say "look I hurt too, but it will be ok.. not today maybe not tomorrow but eventually..." Thank you officer for staying alive.

Mark.... This one needs to go viral please.

Great interview. Unfortunately I grew up in the same type of household. A living hell for my brother and I. Thanks for interviewing this guy.

This is what military vets, inner city people, and ex convicts go through.

What a totally GRIPPING story! I loved it when Kevin got to the realisation that the world was not going to be a better place without him. Awesome story and and a truly inspiring about-turn.

This interview needs to pop up in the first of what's available. He is talking to a wide range of people. Mental health category, ok but a survivor category would be good also. What an amazing story and journey. I'll be looking into this man's podcast.

I suffer with PTSD.. although from different circumstances.. Kevin! You're an amazing human and your testimonial though sad, was a great comfort.. So thank you. The world is for sure a better place with sound people like yourself in it... 👏👏

What an amazing interview. Searing honesty, with great intelligence and insight into the human condition. Seems a very decent person who will do a lot of good in the world (unlike a lot of the other interview subjects).I am very glad that he is now happy, he deserves it.

Wow! This really hit home for me, I've been in "the valley" for way too long, this gentleman gave me the hope I needed just for today🙏

I listen to this once a month and I get something new out of it every time. I work in the recovery community and I have passed this on to so many people. It is life-changing

30 years in law enforcement and the memories that float in and out…but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’m really sorry Kevin had to struggle so much. It’s the nature of the beast. I wish our politicians and media would understand that police officers mostly try to do their best. One of the toughest things to see today is the lack of support for my brothers and sisters doing the job and living this man’s life in various forms every day.

Wish our politicians were more focused on helping their fellow human beings. Always interesting, thanks!

I love who you find, Mark. You already have a beautiful talent in photography. But, each video tells me you have an eye for seeing people....Seeing the ones that truly need this experience, deserve this experience etc I'm thankful you've got a platform to give it to them! Thank you for yet another winner ♥️

Such an eloquent man. I’ve suffered from PTSD for 4 years and everything you said rings true. I could listen to you all day. Thank you for sharing your journey. Blessings.

Kevin, your experiences had me on the edge of my seat. Thank you for sharing such intimate details of your struggles with PTS. I am a huge fan of your podcast and am certain the incredible work you are doing now as you allow others to share their struggles on The Suffering Podcast is paving the way to your complete recovery. All the best to you.

Ptsd in public service is real. I have a friend who worked emt for 20 years the trauma is unreal. We need to respect and be kind to these servants.

I am a Survivor of childhood abuse mentally, sexually and physically I suffer from severe PTS. I have tried to take my life every way that this man has just described in his story and he is correct that there are people out there who do you know what it’s like, so you don’t have to walk this path alone. Thank you Mark once again for a wonderful interview.

Thank you very much for sharing your story. It's an excellent testimony for people to keep going because you confirm that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. It's also a confirmation of what a real man is. May God bless you for working through what must have been a very difficult story telling. Please know that only good can come from your effort. As a result, I made sure to donate to SWU.

This is an amazing interview. I'm so happy to have seen it.

I am wife of a retired SWAT cop. My husband spent 20 years of his 31 year career on SWAT. Hubby has been retired for 4 years now. We have been married for 30 1/2 yrs. Policing is NOT an easy job! The average person has no idea what they go through on a shift. The call outs, the overtime, night shifts etc. As a wife, will hubby make it home after this shift etc? I thank God 🙏🏻 everyday that hubby made it through to retirement. Thanks for sharing your story Kevin. There were many parts I could identify with. God bless you!

I freakin’ LOVE this guy. He is REAL! I grew up in the 90s in NYC, and he reminds me of my more responsible friends. The ones that wanted to help others.

This interview was so touching, Kevin your an amazing man…Thank you…

Kevin! It’s hard to find words for your interview. You are an amazing human, a gift! Watching and hearing your story you ARE where you are supposed to be. What you have and will continue to share with others was the treasure given to and the treasure you share with others. You are one special, kind and loving human! Thank you for sharing and allowing me to experience the amazing you.

This interview gave me goosebumps. He is so raw and real. I hope this man has peace of mind and spirit for the rest of his journey. Amazing interview.

While not a cop, I can relate to some of the things Kevin said. It took quite awhile for me also to drop the "I'm a man and shouldn't need any help or talk to anyone about my feelings attitude." But when I did, my entire life changed for the better. Sure, there were some setbacks, but I'm nothing like the man I used to be. For anyone that's suffering inside, talking to a professional helps a lot! Even if you don't think they could understand what you been through, just do it. Just getting it off your chest and speaking it out loud to another human work wonders. Mark, this video left me inspired. Great upload!

Thanks for telling your story. As a city cop for the last 10 years (so far), I had a similar situation in my 4th year on the job. All within one year, I had a 10 year old girl die on me from an asthma attack, Before she passed out and stopped breathing she looked over at me, I was the last person she ever saw. I saw a woman who was just hacked up into pieces by her neighbor... horrific sight. My patrol car was shot at during a group fight, and someone who I knew committed suicide (a Sergeant) . Just like you, out of nowhere I ended up getting panic attacks randomly, and I developed social anxiety, I didn't want to go anywhere or be around anyone. I verbally lashed out at my wife from time-to-time, because I was upset that she didn't understand, which was no fault of hers whatsoever. A lot people don't realize the effects of PTS, especially those who have never been on the job. I'm glad to be over that rough patch and I'm glad you made it through!

Damn dude this hits so hard for me. Thank you for sharing

As a cop for 16 years now in major metropolitan city, this man's story hits too close to home on many levels. Thanks for sharing with the world. Cheers.

Amazing story Mark! You know when to ask questions and you know when to just listen. Brilliant work!

Thank you for spreading post traumatic stress awareness.

My stepdad is a retired cop. Your story is so eye opening, thank you for sharing. And thank you for your service.

I knew within the first two minutes that this interview was going to be one that really made an impact on me The respect I got for this man is almost impossible to express. The fact that a person like him who comes from an environment so masculine, rough and closed as the Police Department, is so impressive. And it's extremely important. Still men are supposed to be tuff. Men aren't supposed to be emotional. The emotions they have are by all means ment to be very controlled. And especially men in typical male dominated professions are expected to hold everything inside. Like he said when he was at the movies, he didn't want to bother his wife because she'd been trough enough. We need to stop this now. Men, and women, especially in professions which are this hard mentally, should be almost forced to go in therapy. Some couples go to couples therapy before they get problems. They see it as an investment in their relationship and their future. Maybe we all should start to think like that. Because our mental health is one of the most important things we have. Many people work out for different reasons, hopefully because they care about their health. But very few people take care of their mental health like they do with their general health. People take better care of their teeth than they do their mental health! That's pretty insane! I want to start a movement where the focus is preventing people from being as ill as he was. Or as ill as many of us are. We need to make sure that the children growing up now have the opportunities to show their emotions and talk to professionals whenever they need to talk.

A lot of people who have never experienced post traumatic stress, anxiety or depression have a hard time understanding how it can take one experience to forever change a persons life! I hope some of those people allow themselves to gain that understanding from this brilliant interview. Thank you sir…

This is one of the best ones coming full circle thus far, not only from a cop but an actual down to earth HUMAN BEING. And I agree, I had been thinking about doing a podcast/yt show along the lines of therapy, mental health, and depression as I have and am currently going through exactly that but find relief, success, and happiness in helping others. Thank you BOTH!

This was not where I thought this video was going and, I'm glad it went the way it did! I want to thank you for sharing your pain and struggles. The part where you mentioned about your expiration of identities throughout your life really hit me. I always had this thought in my head that it was something to be ashamed of the change, when it's just life, and part of growing, and should be encouraged if that road comes. Thanks for serving as an officer too!!

Wow. Thank you for sharing you story Kevin.. my childhood sucked to. I agree that verbal abuse is the worst. My "father"use to tell me all the time he hates me and wishes I was never born. I'm now 41 and 4 years without a drop of booze. My life is alot better since I stopped drinking. I wish you the best buddy