Return to Intimacy | MarriageToday | Jimmy Evans 

Do you have a Bluetooth speaker? I got my husband to start listening to it just by playing it on that, like while I do the dishes or laundry or something, not too loud but loud enough that you know he can hear it, and then later if you wanted him to watch one with you then just go to him when he’s in a good mood and tell him you found a video and would he mind watching it with you. And I also noticed that if you pick the shorter segments of videos, like 7-15 minutes, that they’re more apt to pay attention because it’s not that long. And start with A video that is geared towards how he should be treated, like what a man needs, and then after ask him if any of those needs and which ones are his most important and then tell him that you are going to work on those but you would like him to watch a video on how you would like to be treated as well, and then you can try to get him to watch what a woman needs, then later on you can get him to watch longer ones, I also noticed that they are more relaxed and in a better receiving mood after you are ‘intimate’😉 I hope this helps May God bless you and your family always 😊

I wish my wife would listen to this too, what we have in our hands is trusting God to fulfill his promises and overcome the fear of taking the first step and being consistent. God bless you.

I wish my wife would listen to this too, what we have in our hands is trusting God to fulfill his promises and overcome the fear of taking the first step and being consistent. God bless you.

Sometimes they don't even realize that they've been putting your needs last. As long as they've been alive, they have ALWAYS been in submission to the dominant parent, "fauning" is a type of fear response (fight, flight, freeze and faun). It's a coping mechanism where you try to comfort someone who is upset, and it's REALLY affective. It can turn a hostile enemy into a calm, receptive friend. ...The only problem is that the person who is being comforted could start to learn a negative pattern of asking for the love and support that they need, not with humble words, but with hostile behavior. (We all do this from time to time, -It's probably the best way to show the people around us that we are SERIOUS about our boundaries, maybe even near an emotional breaking point. I think that God designed this behavior as a last resort-protection strategy, but sometimes, we see how effectively we can get our own way without anyone talking back or objecting to our requests, and we think, "why don't I just do that from now on?" -the only problem is that it makes EVERYONE around us live in fear, sometimes becoming so submissive that they refuse to confront even the most unreasonable, bizarre behaviours that build up to have horrible consequences over time. Essentially, our wives, daughters, son's, and wives live in slavery to us, shackled by fear.) Some people wouldn't ACTUALLY act on their threats, cuz they really do know better, but other people will feel like you "DISRESPECTED" what they've come to consider their rightful authority, even if you just offer your sincere protest that you believe it's an unreasonable request, but submit to them anyway.

@@melissalownik1936 according to our marriage counselor she and her dad have an enmeshed relationship with narcissistic tendencies. He’s been divorced three times since she was a little girl and he turned her into his surrogate wife. He gets all the needs met from her where those needs are supposed to be met by someone else. If I mention she’s my wife he will go off the rails to remind me she’s his daughter. He tells me she’s his best friend and she brightens his rainy days and so on and she tells me she feels guilty that he’s alone and it’s her job to make him happy and will tell me in the same breath people are responsible for their own happiness, but that’s her talking to me about my happiness. I didn’t get married to be alone. I got married to merge and share a life with her but he won’t let her out of his shadow

That is truly painful, -I've been in similar circumstance and I too felt rejected, like an outsider looking in, and unimportant, like genuinely UNLOVED. It was a hard pill to swallow. And I wanted to be closer to my partner and have my partnership accepted and celebrated, but I was also feeling ... Creeped out a lot more than I wanted to admit to myself at the time. The closeness between them made me feel so uncomfortable cuz I was both neglected and molested as a child, but I didn't face it at the time cuz that was too heavy for me. I REALLY WISH that I would've taken the time to get to know MYSELF and work through all my intimacy issues before trying to establish romantic relationships. Not doing so has REALLY cut me off from normal self-communication that would've definitely guided me to make better choices based on a DEEPER level of understanding of all that I was experiencing in my life. But whenever there was something too heavy to deal with or confusing, I'd just have a REALLY hard time processing the experience at all and there would be times when certain experiences were just so unexpected that there's no Knowing WHAT to do about it, -usually nothing. ...A LOT of those experiences were BIG RED FLAGS that I think were my own inner awareness trying to confront and focus on some painful reality that my heart was NOT AT ALL ready to endure "HEY! DON'T IGNORE THIS! DON'T YOU DARE! NO, You sit and think about this, -HEY! Don't you walk away from me while I'm giving you terrible anxiety, ...I KNOW THAT YOU'RE SCARED, BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT! I'm trying to protect you!" (No, no, it's NOTHING! I AM loved. This IS love and they love me and that's all I know.) Oh my dear God!!!!! My ENTIRE LIFE would be so happy and nice if I would've just taken the time to PAY ATTENTION to my own heart and soul right away, instead of waiting until I'm in so much pain that I can't ignore it anymore. By that time, EVERYONE involved is usually hurt and angry and I don't know how to fix it... I just feel kinda bad and try to ignore it.

There's an attachment style therapist "the personal development school" with Thais Gibson, she discusses a style of interpersonal skills for couples to practice with each other (almost like private therapy) it's RU-vid, if you're looking for ideas 🙂

You absolutely were married in the eyes of God. Marriage is choosing to love someone every day regardless of your feelings. You will never find godly advice for your situation other than, repent and pray because you were a bad husband and didn't love your wife like Christ loved the church as you have been commanded. Sad stuff, there. God hates divorce.

@@stacey2804 I do appreciate you taking the time to reply to my situation. You are the only to do so as I write this. I agree that God hates divorce.