So good you brought up this subject and even Dutch natives can be pretty lonely here. When you get older it’s definitely harder to make friends and you notice you get more dependent on your family for maintaining contacts. When you have no family around this can be pretty challenging. Also because of the climate we spend a lot of our time indoors which also not helps in meeting people. Thanks for sharing your tips to break out of this. You’re so right, you have to put in the work. And although you don’t know us, thanks to youtube you have loads of Dutch friends already, believe me.
Thanks to you for being my RU-vid Dutch friend🤗😆. And I agree with your comment, the weather plus adulthood can make friendship much more complex. Thanks again for your comment 🤗
I agree with you to the extent that you have to put in the work. I was in the Netherlands for close to a month during the summer and I was only able to make one friend (Dutch native) yikes!!!😊 But one thing stands out with Dutch people and which I believe expats will enjoy, Dutch people are not only friendly but always ready to help strangers. I think being intentional to make friends with the locals is a bit easier when compared to other countries. I wasn't open minded when I arrived for the first time because I felt since I'm African, people may not be open enough to relate to me until I lost my way trying to locate my hotel. Shockingly, a Dutch man noticed I was lost and offered to help. He carried one of my luggage and we walked for upto 20mins till we located my hotel, I was overwhelmed with joy. I could go on and on with reasons why I love the Netherlands but let me conclude with this fact, I love the Netherlands enough to return next year for my masters.
This is great Irene. I've had a few people have similar experiences and I'm just super grateful that a Dutchy showed you such kindness. Indeed not all hero's wear cape. I hope you have an amazing time whrn you return next year🤗
Coming across one of your videos 2 months ago convinced me to move to the Netherlands. I've landed a job now and in the process of the relocating. I just want to say thank you. What you do really matters and all your videos have been so helpful..
The Dutch tend to see friendship as something profound and lasting, they do being friendly with acquaintances quite well but that's something different. To move from acquaintance to friend with one leg still in another country or always ready to move elsewhere, not making any effort to understand the language and therefore the culture, to have to be explained what's going on in the country, to drag people out of group conversations to speak English one on one, a language they have limited expression and humour in, is simply not a very attractive offer. Practically, but mainly because a lack of effort and commitment is not a good base for what the Dutch consider friendship.
This indeed, I've made most of my friends in elementary school and now have a very deep connection with them so the bar for new friends is very high for me. I dont have time for superficial friendships so the few times I have made new friends there was an almost immediate deep connection that made me want to invest more time in the relationship.
I think it was a language researcher who said: "if you speak a foreign tongue you speak to the brain. If you speak the native tongue, you speak to the heart." Making friends requires speaking to the heart most of the time. It may not be impossible while speaking English, but speaking Dutch just might be easier plus you gain the nuances that get lost in English. Hope this helps.
I'm Dutch and I live as an expat in Malaysia. Having lived in my own country, China and Malaysia, I can truly say that you have to be proactive in creating a social environment. I don't think it has anything to do with my country in particular.
All very good advice. 👍Some expats think that because your Dutch colleagues speak English at work, they don't mind to speak English all the time in a private setting.
Translate this, it is from a song: “ Vriendschap is een droom, een paketje schroot met een dun laagje chroom!” Later in je leven zul je zien dat daar een waarheid in zit…..
Hey thank you for making this video, you speak my mind. I’ve been in the NL for a month, and I find it super hard to make friends with Dutch people than with internationals. Sometimes I feel like I’m in this in-between area where my life seems to go well with some international friends, nice people and all these English services but in a deeper place there’s still a gap between me and “real Dutch society”.
Thank you for your kind words, it meant a lot to me. Although I live in Brazil far away from the European continent, I can relate to the topic about making friends is worth it. I have grew up with the idea that the only people that I can trust is my parents, so an outsider is untrustworthy. I had not crossed my mind to a point, what would I do if a needed a last-minute help. Anyway being friendless is a obscure path to go through your whole life
Why I like and recommend this channel is just that it's factual. Most people just do RU-vid videos because of what people want to hear and that they can make money from the traffic but the info they share leads people to nowhere.
I think Dutch perception of friends is somewhat different from most cultures. Where other cultures you meet people a few times, attend a function or meet due to circumstances, people refer to them as friends, where, at best, they are merely acquaintances, specially when they are people with money or position. Then they are old friends, been to their home and been friends for "donkey years" and so on. In my opinion, the Dutch perception of friends, is someone that you can call in the middle of the night when your car breaks down and show up unannounced in time of need. I think that Dutch with their down to earth attitude rather opt for that rather than portrait themselves as "I have so many friends" and "we love entertaining" and that they are very comfortable with that. We rather meet in community places like a bar or gym or a company outing than bring these people into your home as friends like in other cultures and rather experience family and personal time by activities, holidays, etc. as a good life/work but also friends balance. The "nuchtere kijk" on life of the Dutch makes it not necessary to be a "social butterfly" and Dutch are very comfortable with organizing their lives how they want it to be and home time is managed without having to impress others. Of course, that makes it hard for people that are used to a different environment that come to The Netherlands as a tourist or choose to live in The Netherlands. And able to speak Dutch is often a big barrier to integrate as well.
To your last question, advice is to start social activities and learn Dutch as you mentioned. Also accept that Dutch don't see people they meet as friends but have to bring it a few levels up. And also be a bit bold. Invite them into your house first or visit them in their house and see where it goes. I think the threshold is that you actually have to like each other and not be socially connected to be friends according the the Dutch definition of the same.
I think it is because the Netherlands is to individualistic. Since covid there is also a strong narrative on loneliness, especially the younger generation. Even as a Dutch men myself, it’s very difficult to make friends with the Dutch. Sdcond point, i think our social lives are the planned, not spontaneous enough. I am very spontaneous myself 😊, but it is sadly not appreciated to spontaneously go to a friend , knock on the door and hang out. You have to plan it 🙁
Very nicely said.. I dont know what it is like as an expat or a foreigner in general, but yes making friends at an older age is difficult for anyone, this is especially true if you don't put in the effort to try and find any. I personally can say I have had many friends, but through the years lost most of them.. some of my best friends luckily still remain. I think most of us here are very open minded and helpfull as far as I can tell, though there are good and bad everywhere.. as long as you respect us, we wil respect you. Wether it is religion/conviction/beliefs or anything really. ✌️
I find it quite easy to make friends in NL, the difficult part is to make friends with Dutch people. Expats are in the same boat with you and they also want to make friends, so this shouldn't be difficult.
Great,I enjoy watching all your videos because they are all informative and quite hilarious.You give me all the hope I need in my hopes of living in the Netherlands.Keep up the spirit my dear
I think you gave good tips. Not only for expats, but also Dutchies themselves that e.g. move to another city. Besides the already mentioned things, of which learning the language and join a group with something you love to do are really important, I also would add check groups on facebook. There are some groups for people who want to hang out, but don’t know that many people yet (or have friends with other interests).
Thank you for your video and opinion. I learn Dutch and I´m going to move to Nederlands. Actually I don´t agree that making friendship in adults is so hard, in contrery - it is easier! Because you are already developed your personality, you have developed values and know what tipe of people do we need as our friends acordding to our value sistem and so on.
Hi Cristina, Thank you for your comment and I’m glad you enjoyed the video in some way. I totally get your point regarding having developed personality and values as an adult. The challenge may be where to find people who share those values and also whether those people want you in their circle. I think that’s the aspect I think is challenging sometimes🤗.
you are so right..and yes, get involved, make some effort, come out of your house and get interested in the dutch customs and values..be social and polite...and be open-minbded..so true..lots of succes for everybody..Yes Im dutch
Good video. One point I did not understand. Having your family far away, is not unique for immigrants in the Netherlands, but all immigrants in the world. So, that cannot count as a factor why the Netherlands is in the top 20 loneliest countries for expats. You made a logical mistake here, haha. I do agree with all your conclusions, by the way. The Dutch have different phases in life where they are open for friends. Childhood, Adults, when studying, when they have young children at school, and after retirement.
Another thing is that expats are moving in The Netherlands, they always go for the same region (Randstad), so a lot aof foreigners and they never learn the language or cultural things... So if you tell them (the dutch) that you are staying for a few years, but you can't speak the language.. why should they invest time in you.. And I believe it is fair. If I move to another country, I should learn those things too.
If you want to make friends here, get into charity work! It's the simplest way to meet all kinds of people. Good for relations, good for learning the language, good for the people you help. But also choirs or orchestras are a great place to meet people. When you come live here, introduce yourself to your neighbours. That'll help too.
Ok you want to be friends with Dutch people. Well I worked in a international company with a lot of expats and students from other countries. They were all like the people from France kept to eachother, the same with the people from the USA and other counries. So how to make friends if they not want to interact with the Dutch people. Greetings from Roelof from the Netherlands.
I used to be convinced that the US is the loneliest country on earth .... Then I started to read vlogs by immigrants in Canada 🥺. And those from different places in Europe 😧. And then those from Australia 😱. Sometimes I find myself thinking that all those places are probably fine if you live within a large, tight-knit community. Of course, that also has its drawbacks .....
It is funny how some Dutch people do agree that it is hard to make friends but don't make the effort to not be like that lol they have awareness but it's ingrained in them to not adapt to change or new things. It is a big fault on them, a beautiful country but not friendly people.
Agreeing with a fact doesn't mean that people are lonely or have to adapt. I also can imagine that it's hard for expats to make new friends, but i am busy with family and friends, where would i find the time for new friends?
Hello. Welldone. I really love what you are doing. Super interesting. I am a new subscriber and i would like to ask i intend to bring my daughter and husband to the netherlands while studying, am i required to show a proof of funds for them? And pls do you have an idea how much it is? Thanks
It feels like you have issues, like some percentage of the population of any country, which has nothing to do with the actual country? I mean, this is something you can literally google. This is a fact. So like, excuse me, but what? No expat or foreign person I know, and I know a lot, had any problems making friends. Literally if anything, they had more friends than me, or the people I know. But maybe that's just a cultural thing for Asian people? They do seem to have stronger social connections than any other region in the world.
You cant say its that way when you purposely choose to live in the 3 worst priced and most touristic provinces of the country. Utrecht, Noord-Holland and Zuid-Holland are all basically transformed into tourist hubs. To extract. some places are less touched but thats why i left those provinces to live elsewhere. Your issues stem from poor decision making by living in those provinces rather than somewhere calmer. You should know that the bigger the community of a province is the less community things are done, and those places often hugely invest into making it more of a community because the lack of it. So I completely disagree, if you choose the holland provinces or utrecht province its on you. We all know that a lot of economy and work is in those provinces. But living comfortable is worse there. I moved to Lelystad close to Zwolle. Thats central to east, those provinces are less touched by crap and communities can be better. ^ V < west NL bad living quality for the cost, good work availability ^ North of netherlands, cheaper and good communities but very diverse dialects and languages like frysian. > East of NL Cheap housing, mostly farm and lots of christian communities 0 = central Netherlands: Extremely expensive but there are many schools and connections for students. So a student ideal province but expensive. V South Netherlands. Different dialects, not too cheap or expensive compared to the holland or utrecht province. Many good bakeries too. Soft g sound dialect. < = the worst option. All expats do that and it makes those touristic cities miserable. But all of you follow eachother because you seen in a video its a great place to live. No its great to visit now and then, or work, but not live. I came from Haarlem, I moved because its not worth the cost for what you get back and the community is shallow to none.
you would fit well in the east part, You are religious, value christianity, so that would fit you much better. More community too. As for the other expats, nobody ever complains beyond 3 of the provinces. its miserable ONLY in the 3 provinces I named. For a lot of reasons. Which dont reflect when i lived across NL. Ignorance causes misery, but that cant be put on a country, when you choose to jump from a bridge and break your legs you cant blame the bridge is too high. No you choose to jump on that exact bridge. Choose a better bridge if you value safety from a fall. No instead they complain i hurt myself here. Ya you done that to yourself. No person ever said: Lets go to a touristic province in a touristic city with many foreigners together and get friendships. Nobody ever said that was a good idea. If you want friendships you dont go to places where clubs and tourism is. you choose places where you can find people you can connect with beyond 1 fun night. they can do that with everyone at a party, thats not how you make friends or get friendships. Its their fault, I know plenty of expats who are not stupid and moved away from it and realized hey its quite good beyond the popular provinces. But then again that requires some insight into your poor decision making, which expats usually dont do. Another example is go to a asian country and go some place outside of the big cities. those small vilages dont see any tourism, you get much better bonds with them as they are much more interested in why you choose their place over a popular destination. Well expats your fault for your misery. I feel not sorry for any of your poor decisions and then complaining.
Thank you Dick for your comment. I didn't really think about it that way. Although I knew cities in the Randstad area are more crowded, I didn't think finding friendships and bonds will be much better in other locations. I've travelled to a few cities in all sides - East, West, North, Central and South. But I think as a new bee I have a lot to learn about their differences. Thanks for your comment.🤗
@@josphineogugua you're welcome, most people forget those details when people visit here. Everyone loves the excitement and outgoing life. But stability is far from those places. I lived in Noord-Holland, and moved from there with my parents for their work all around the country. I kept moving 17 times in my life. 6 times of which was by myself outside from the family. Now I am in Lelystad, which i moved 4 times in this same city. Its absolutely boring but thats for me great cause I love a city where it doesnt feel like one. As why i mentioned you to the east would be a idea is for your religious background. Farmer communities have many issues with mostly illegal immigrants housed into shelters. So being a positive loving person will make them absolutely like you. If you behave well in smaller communities it tends to make faster bonds. I had moved to some farmer areas and since I had only a bike it was awful. Too isolated where i was. So it can be annoying. However there are plenty big cities you can visit and see how they do. In example: Emmen, Zwolle in the east or such. I suggest you go drive out or travel a bit through the 12 provinces. and see how different it can be from 1 place to the other. You might be surprised that beyond the overpopularized cities its still amazing and still very livable. And yes work will likely be still probably best in the touristic provinces with the higher economy. but living from those cities reduces your cost of living, and increases community related activities.
@@naraaway Around the big cities is always a better option not only price wise but also for your own comfort. You dont want to wake up in a loud city with tons of people passing through. Though if you can be a bit more specific i might be able to answer it more accurately. All I say is to stay away from the provinces NH, ZH and UT, because in those places finding a house for a normal price is nearly impossible. And the amount of tourism and traffic and such is too high there for a comfortable living. If you got specific cities in mind you can drop them below. I can give you my idea about those, but it will be my perspective. Want to make that clear ofcourse. I do explain why i say things if I do so.
