Jonathan is so well spoken and gives such good, practical advice. Some of this is just great relationship advice in general! And it’s very obvious that you love him and he adores your system ❤️
I’m so glad for both of you that you have each other. The system is amazing and learning who they are, Jonathan was understanding from the beginning. I don’t have DID but I do have other mental health issues and like to learn all about mental health, and I have done a lot of my own research on DID. And along the way, and even in unrelated situations, I’ve realized that so many people still don’t know what it is. Or they don’t believe it. They aren’t even aware that no one is born with this disorder. I remember a comment a friend made to me.. something happened to my car stereo resetting, and they laughed and made a not-so-funny joke about maybe it was one of my other personalities. And I know they were mocking me for the thing I’d done the week or so before. I used to drink and so I would sometimes do things out of character, well from their point of view. And we’d been out one night before the radio thing and I guess I was a little more outgoing to say the least. They hadn’t known me very well. But anyway, what if I did have other alters and was going through something? That comment could really hurt someone. Well it did actually hurt because I was in fact dealing with some serious stuff at that tine. I’ve tried to bring it to light through posts like Jeni Haynes, or through conversation and just so many people don’t get it. I’m glad for you both! Thank you for being so open and deciding to share your story and journey.
discovering that I was a system, and being alone, for six years, during Covid in social isolation, has been extremely difficult. And I am so glad that you received such amazing support from your partner. I hope all the partners of new systems are able to learn how to adapt to the situation, because in part, that person is going to have an extremely difficult time, dealing with that rejection and an even harder time finding another partner.
I'm a singlet in a relationship with a person that has DID. This is advice I have yet to see on any other channel I've watched. It's valuable, common sense and honest. Thank you both for taking the time to help educate the partner.
@ All - Thanks, i have yet to complete binge watching the content you've taken the time to provide. I haven't also got a handle on who everyone is. Having not done so, I would ask...what was the partner's journey like? I know my immediate reaction was to work towards fusion. Yeah...big mistake.
Our immediate reaction was the same, and the result was like you said...big mistake. We ending up making a goal of health and acceptance for all our parts. Accepting alters just as they are and helping them become healthy did result in some unexpected fusion, but while it was difficult, we have found that those parts are still there, just in a different way.
It took me time to not think of 'singlet' as the goal to be. It took time to understand what I said was, "give up your existence so you can be like everyone else." And it occurred to me,what if someone thought I should give up MY existence to fit their ideal? After that, I started asking my partners alters, "how can I make you more comfortable?"
Yes. Exactly that. While it took me some time to accept some of the more maladaptive alters, my hubs seemed to have a better grasp on the fact that they were just very wounded, and he made space for them just as they were. That one thing has probably been the most helpful thing he’s done.
How do you guys respond to/face judgment from the outside? or are you just really good at keeping things private? Also how does this affect your children/ do you feel it affects them? What do you do to combat that? I know these questions are a lot, I’m sorry!
One question that comes to mind is that I can imagine many partners may have difficulty with the variation in gender identity and the variation in sexual orientation, all of the alters within a system. Assuming that partner is neurotypical cisgender heterosexual singlet, and they thought they were in heterosexual relationship, what advice would you give them to being able to manage the different gender identities and gender expressions?
The biggest advice I can give them is they need to have their own therapist to help navigate all this. DID is complex, and few people have the resources going in that are needed. That said, our hubs had the mental flexibility not to be bothered. He is cis het but able to treat each alter as their gender/orientation even in romantic spheres because he’s attracted to the body. That’s rare, but clearly, it exists.
Thank you for this series. It’s brilliant, as is your relationship. Two questions come to mind. First one is, how does one in relationship with a system go about getting their own needs met ? I’d imagine that this might be particularly difficult if the partner has wounds, trauma, mental health needs of their own. (Jonathan seems so wonderfully balanced and emotionally intelligent.) Second, I wonder how you make practical decisions when each alter has their own perspective, needs and tastes. For example, buying a car, planning a vacation or making child rearing decisions. Thanks so much for your openness.
