Roommates - A Warhammer 40k Webcomic Dub Compilation (Full Comic) 

Until you realize the constant sound of Omnissiah canticles in the form of dial-up is not conducive to a night's rest

@@utes5532 WHAT DID YOU SAY HERETEK? THE MOST HOLY CANTICLES OF OMNISSIAH ARE THE MOST SERENE AND CALMING SOUNDS THAT RUN THROUGH NOOSPHERE! MAYBE YOU NEED YOUR EARS REPLACED WITH AURAL ANTHENNAE AND COGITATORS, SO YOU COULD APPRECIATE THE BINARY BLESSINGS OF THE MACHINE GOD?

@@jarekwrzosek2048 praise the Ommnissiah!

@@jarekwrzosek2048 Nah, I'm good fam. Gonna just step out for a bit though, gotta buy human stuff at the human store.

Until "Toaster sex day" hits the room.

Biggest fumble in this guy's life.

Yeah, he seemed like a cool dude. Honestly there's enough candles around a regular imperial vessel to make earplugs if none are available

Also since the space marine was being really nice there is a good chance he is a salamander who would totally quiet down a bit if you asked nicely

@@bbug1017 I hear lamenters are chill too, so long as they aren't dying horrible deaths.

@@bbug1017 Definitely! Compared to getting augmented by a tech priest, flesh flayed by an assassin, brains blown out by an Arbitrator, and brains blown out by a Commissar, a space marine praying loudly is a damn good thing. The only reason the guardsman should refuse bunking with a space marine is if he's from the Space Sharks, Flesh Tearers, Marines Malevolent, and the Knights of Blood.

Nah, the demon will make damn sure he’s awake and conscious to feel every bit.

@@Tacoguy1000 Already killed the daemon, actually. Why do you think the psyker's head exploded? Psychic force? No, that was a bolter round.

@@ladywaffle2210 at first I was like "whaaaa?" Then I noticed your legion, well played speedyboi

Depends on what demon it is.

@@butitwasmedio did you just say... Waaaghh?

I think it's more the volume...We Astartes have three lungs after all. I prefer actual killing to endless prayers but whatever makes the useless non crusading chapters feel better I guess.

Well, guardsman regularly don't live long so he's probably a rookie But ot still is no reason to change rooms due to your roommates Well whatever suits the non suicide guard korps I guess

But what if the prayer was frightening to him? He secretly praises the Xeno, and the Astartes praying scared him, as he was worried he would be found out.

Sounds like heresy to me...

Probably one of those sissy backwater planets

I can recite them, if you wish

@@ladywaffle2210 yes please😄

@@ivanelias3916 This is the prayer for Courage. There are also prayers for benediction, strength (both physical and mental), defense, offense, tactics, strategies, and so on and so forth. "In the name of the sacred Emperor, the Highest Lord of the Imperium of Man, the Daemon's anathema, interred upon the Golden Throne within the most holy chamber of the most consecrated palace of the most hallowed world of Holy Terra, from which the Astronomican shines in the Warp, an unshakable lighthouse of His mercy and vision, I dedicate this prayer to His being to give Him my strength, and ask that He guides me against the Warp and the Traitor, the Heretic and the Mutant. May He give me the strength to overcome the fickle tides of the Empyrean. May He give me courage to stand against the daemon and fall unflinching when I am struck down, and if I die, may He give me a swift and merciful death. May He bless my shots with accuracy and power to split Traitor ceramite and flesh in one blow; may His power imbue my armor to deflect such shots. "May He bless me with victory and glory, so that my banner may be stabbed through the skulls of T'au, Tyranid, Ork, and Daemon alike; may He bless me with victory so that we may reclaim the defiled gene-seed of the Traitors and purify it with His knowledge and in His name. May I exemplify His holy wrath and righteous fury, for I am His sword and sacred shield, His bulwark against the darkness, His defender of Humanity, for I am one of His Space Marines, and I shall know no fear as I eliminate His enemies. Ave Imperator."

@@ladywaffle2210 I’ll take a strategic prayer please.

@@nunyabusiness168 Prayer for Strategy? That's more the domain of the Khans, but I will do my best. If you want a more complicated one then ask Ko'sarro Khan or someone of his ilk, not I; I merely guard the Khagan. "In the name of the sacred Emperor, by His blade and holy wargear, I beseech Him to bless me with but a fragment of His knowledge of war and all it's intricacies; I ask of Him for victory over my foes, not by force of arms but by the powers of thought, of foresight, and of mind. I pray that my tactics may keep my brothers and cousins out of the way of harm. I pray that my strategies will allow them to maximize their effectiveness against the foe. And I pray that I may win in this engagement, for the glory of the Imperium and in the name of my holy Emperor. Ave!" As I said, tactics are not my domain. (Also, OOC: I didn't have access to Google Docs for this, so I sped up writing it so I wouldn't lose it.)

One of the luckiest guardsmen in the galaxy.

i like to think that’s when a Space Marine is resurrected as a Damned Legionnaire

Considering the amount of 1s I roll during a physic test sanguinius looks like an biblical angle.

​@@s.k4713he's starting to look like a seraphim

Same sorta like if you sleep in an area with a lot of rain you feel easier to sleep with the rain

Probably just has PTSD

@@averagecustodes2562 commissars don't get ptsd, ptsd get's commissars.

@@MouldMadeMind fair point

Would you want to room with someone who flipped their shit and pointed a gun at your head? Would you feel safe?

@@averagecustodes2562 Comissar IS the PTSD

The prayers of the Guard and the Astartes are incredibly different, both in material and length. This Guardsman had done his prayers already; however, the prayers of an Astartes run quite long.

@@ladywaffle2210 and guardsmen probably are light sleepers by necessity so they can’t “just ignore it” like we would

@@hilkmeister1382 because artillery is quitte?

@@ladywaffle2210 This. Guardsmen normally only have like a single paragraph to recite. Not a several hour long litany

@@SmellySquid now with this I have a question. Is somewhere in any archive a written down prayer of an astartes?

Ah yes, here is the book worm... While I, am the computer worm but unlike the magos The necrons shall long prosper! While I gather data for Trazyn of course

@@dinodude6992 Cease and Desist Shard of the Void dragon

@@dinodude6992 Then why don't you gather data on Imperial weaponry? I shall demonstrate the effectiveness of a chainsword upon your soulless chassis!

Magnus... instead of trying To possess psykers, why dont you try to restore your legion so that they stop being 90% discount enchanted armors?

@@thelastyeetbender4429 DAAAAAAAAAMN

YOU SHALL SLEEP WHEN YOU'LL DIE FOR THE EMPEROR!!!11!1

Simply bunking with a kriegsman is also a good idea sir. We hate everyone so what would be the point in speaking to a lesser guardsman? Pretty quiet nights then.

@@zerochaotics1135 - Were it so easy guardsmen, this 'plot' I overheard Inquisitorial heads and high standing Astartes speaks of seemingly casts the most likely outcome to falter. Such as why us Kriegers are often separated, even due to our high numbers we've always found different possibilities to occur. This is why we must find other means of bunking so this plot may take it's course before we find ourselves in trenches and fighting a real enemy again...Damn this plot, whatever this foul abominable accursed spell casted by the most dreadfully degenerate heresy of the highest degrees of blasphemy!

@@lordcommanderklaus1636 I personally don't mind constant warfare and lack of sleep. It's what we were bred for. Mearly passing along a suggestion to the Munatorium to ease logistical burden.

@@zerochaotics1135 - This is why we rarely take shore leave Guardsman. Rather stay on the front sector lines where battle calls, to remove any inconvenience with logistics. Though, it's one of the many tricks we use to avoid this so called 'plot', yet I've noticed whenever the Sons of Macragge come, this curse tends to show up in much larger abundance.

*ahem* and if you're lucky you get laid

I figured he would accidentally explode the guardsman's head

@@_underscore_9271 i thought he would just get horrible nighmares straight from hell.

Why the hell would a daemon possess a Psyker on a ship full of people who could kill it in 800 different ways?

@@Cairo40000 dude daemons don't have logic, they just have messed up instincts unless if their some Greater Daemon.

@@Cairo40000 because they can't realy die.

I believe that would have been considered techno Hersey

Same especially because you would end up being one of the safest people in the entire imperium (until combat of course )

The XVIII Mars-pattern earplugs are my personal choice

I believe a simple tissue perhaps would be your fancy? Ripped sheet to plug that ears? Or maybe just wore that helmet during your slumber, very simple solution for never ending problem.

@@ladywaffle2210 personal wear the XXIV series. But i have void duty.

I can't imagine þe astartes being a bad roomate at all. Nightmares? Sleep well guardsman, þe Emperor is watching over you. Afraid of falling asleep/ þe dark? Not wiþ a space marine in þe room. I could list reasons why a space marine would be þe ideal roomate

@@themaidenlesswretch7819 [þorn intensifies]

It's just constantly *Shhht* *Shhht* *Shhht* from the shovel, heavy breathing from the mask, and delirious cries from the Kriegsmen due to not being on deployment.

ww1 artillery, in space?

@@thomasfoster4370 Yup

Kriegsmen: Why sleep when you can simply die for the Emperor?

To be honest, i feel like the Catachan's story sounds made up, but is probably completely true and if anything they are playing it down.

I mean honestly tho, being a techpriest seems like one of the less horrible professions in the Imperium, provided you get anesthetics when you get your organs replaced.

@@nickkurzy2246 You genneraly do not get them replaced. You eghter make them from STC yourself or you are granted them by your superior. Knowing imperium and Mechanicus there is no anasthetics. Pain is weakness escaping body.

@@Rudevald the imperium is well known for its incredibly strong narcotics, especially with gaurdsmen.

... who really wants to be demoted (upgraded in the eyes of th Omnissiah) to Servitor?

@@jorayx literally nowhere was there talk of servitors

And thats why sleeping is an option, Emperor keeps us under his watch so we can rest while he constantly protects us the faithful, he is constantly sacrificing his time for us so we can sleep peacefully The Emperor provides

@@neros1277 sounds a bit like heresy if you ask me.

@@TheVergile you despise the gift of sleep given to us by The God Emperor, you better be prising The Emperor for being able to sleep in peace

Imagine having Ciaphas Cain as a roommate, or 'One-eye' Yarrik.

@@nickkurzy2246 Holt would also be acceptable. Laughing at the pain of fools as he snarked his way through the galaxy.

@@Xebelan *Slaps* COMMISSAR HOLT

@@WolfhoundMercenary Apologies, Sir!

All commissars are heroes to the imperium any imperial citizen should know that... are you a heretic

Space marines still sleep, they are just capable of operating without sleep for long periods of time.

@@Perri-Winkle That, and their long lifespans mean that a ‘short’ timeframe is multiple hours. Perhaps days.

@@orilord7392 According to old lore the space marines day has 2 hours of sleep (usually between 2am and 4am) and 15min of free time (around 10pm). Space Wolves have a bit more free time and like to enjoy great feasts that last for a couple hours rather than 5-15min meals. However, Astartes can go without sleep for really long periods of time. I think the longest confirmed active combat lasted for about 400 hours.

Tec heresy

@@temkin9298 u got a point

Both heresy and techno heresy

Actually, they're just incredibly expensive to make. XVIII Mars-pattern earplugs are the only legal earplugs for the Guard. As you can imagine, they are quite expensive, because... Mars.

Earplugs good enough to muffle a voice powered by 3 lungs? For a guardsman? Fat chance.

There’s plenty of candle wax lying around. He could probably make some pretty easily.

Dark age of technology

Better for comfort worse in smell. If you aren't from krieg. He won't be speaking to you anytime soon.

Really quiet

@@temkin9298 he's build a trench system in the room

Kriegsmen: 'Muffled' can I put on relaxing music Guardsmen: sure And the music would just be artillery screams bullets that kind of thing

Networks of trenches around the room, horrible smell, and also do NOT mention the word retreat or you’ll regret it

Fair enough, I guess then again you will not live long. Since every demon in the world will smell your desire a mile away. Big question tho, if an isekai warhammer 40k happen which one is most likely to be the best? Memory inheritance(obvious) Body possession(different body) Dimensional hopping (same body) Summoning(called into the world) Soul leak(soul escaping universe) Reincarnation birth(baby)

@@temkin9298 I don’t know.

@@samuelrodriguez9801 my choice is probably none? baby one could be good. You know can able to make mistakes and get away with it? Dimensional hop and possession is probably the worst since you can get cut down by some rule or mistaken by some warp entity.

@@temkin9298 Lets see these one by one. Memory inheritance: probably the best if you keep your 40K memories. You would gain a new perspective and be able to tell wether shit is about to hit the fan or not. Wether you can do anything about it is another question. Body possession: you would probably get burned at the stake or shot as you would be considered a daemon. You could also end up possessing one recruit from the Exorcists chapter of the Adeptus Astartes and then get your soul ass beaten by the unfaltering will of the neophyte. In case you DO overcome, trough some miracle, the mind of the astartes (or maybe his soul got sent to your body), you will either die or maybe live long enough to convince the astartes and the inquisitors involved that you are a regular human soul who got swapped in from another reality. Dimensional hopping: well, this one depends WHERE you end up, unless you end up in a civilized world with relative good conditions, your chances of survival are up a grox ass. Summoning: If there's any summoning being done in 40K it rarely is performed by "the good guys". Most likely you end up in a chaos cultist den surrounded by said cultists or daemons they summoned alongside you. Your best hope would be, again, that the summoning was a botched ritual of The Exorcists that summoned you instead of a daemon to posses the new recruit. Soul Leak: same as possession. In this case it might end up with a good result, if you manifest as a Living Saint. You could also get your soul devoured by daemons or other warp denizens or get blasted by psychic bolts of Eldar, Librarians, Sorcerers or sanctioned psykers, or dispelled by Blanks. Reincarnation: probably the best(ish) because you will have time to adapt to the new setting, but be leagues above every other baby due to your adult mind. You might, if lucky, become part of some Inquisitor's retinue or if your physical constitution is up to snuff even an Astartes. Again, it depends WHERE and WHEN you are born and WHO is around you. Being born in Macrage is not the same as being born in Fenrys, or in a planet in the Eye of Terror or the Maelstrom. In general, a human from here going into 40K will not be a pleasant experience, and that's assuming you ARE well acustomed to 40K lore and so you have an idea of how the place you end up works, now imagine all that shit applied to a normie.

SEND THE COMMASAR

Nah, suffer not the witch.

I'm pretty sure Vindicare assassin is a good roommate.

Maybe a nurgle related daemon

I'll take 20 bucks on it being Tzeench

I think head exploding is more Tzeench then anything else.

Terrors of the Warp

Guys guys you all get this wrong. The fact that the assasin licked his knife and took pleasure in it, paired with the spacemarine keeping his prayer perfect and remembering every foe he ever slayen, makes it clear that this is Slanesh's work as multiple people upon the ship have already fallen to him by accident. The fact that the commissar tried to execute someone that fast and was triggered by a phrase used for leaving a battle is another hint. Exploding heads might be a tzeench thing, but in this case Im pretty sure it was caused by slanesh.

Yeah... Depend on which Space marine chapel he belongs to...

@@TheCyborgCast hahaha canibalismen go bruh.

When is the crusade?

He doesn’t sleep because he scared of you that your gas masks too loud

@@krisblunden1642 LOL That actually makes sense. *continues to laugh in gasmask*

Honestly he could have asked that, or ask for ear buds.

Clearly had the best intentions, only wanted to ‘improve’ the guardsman’s life

@@KieranBartonVO I mean, he would have 1/3 more active time per day. That is an improvement.

@@keineangabe4434 the only question (which is a risky one): does it hurt?

@@florentitan1474 Pain is nothing but an illusion of the mind. So, yes! Until the needled has reached your cranium. After that, no. Not even a tiny bit. But the guy is a guardsmen veteran, chances are that he has been trough every medical procedure without anesthetic.

@Amlan Ghosh Yes, they do. But on a battlefield anything goes and I doubt that a veteran can walk from it without at least a bit of soul-crushing pain. And with a bit I mean a lot. It is the grim-dark future, he can be happy if he walks from a battlefield at all.

Imagine a Blood Raven

@@carlosbalazs2492 you would either have the best wargear a guardsman get get or none at all depending on how much the bloodraven likes you

@@michielwitteveen6676 “ guardsman what happened to your rifle” “my roommate took it sir”

Most guardsmen don't serve long

Or any female guards?

*charges bolter with purgatory intentions*