Rule #18 Don't Keep Secrets in your Relationship; Lies are Still Lies 

When someone with-holds important information and then acts like they did nothing wrong, that is a deal-breaker. Worst is when they blame you for their inconsiderate behavior!!!

The sound track is annoying.

when i caught my x in a lie, he actually became angry at me and refused to acknowledge he did anything wrong. i was the bad guy for having some good investigative skills and intuition!! LOL.....

My theory is the only permissible secrets are for the good like throwing a surprise party. Anything else is not good.

This video had great info, but was basically unwatchable due to the annoying music. That's no lie

i agree. dont even make smallest lies. small things can lead to big things.

The lies of omission are the ones that are starting to erode my faith in a future with the person I have been dating. He omits things that he thinks I do not need to know. I was flabbergasted the other day when he tells me that he thinks I am afraid of getting hurt so I do not love him fully. After two years together, I literally cannot still understand how he could express this "out of nowhere" accusation. As for acceptable white lies, I completely understand when I comment on how beautiful another woman was, he will say, "Oh really? I did not notice." The woman was beautiful enough to be a model for a fashion magazine and she there she was in out small town. For whatever reason he has for "not noticing" is his. The unacceptable lies predominantly involve his ex-wife and his daughter. I am so grateful to you for warning me that once he was able to get away with the first couple of lies of omission, the ease makes it almost like a sport for him. I discussed these with him but the discussion turned into an inexplicable conflict that I was not prepared for. He accused me of misremembering and of being jealous and did so with such fervor that I wanted out of the conflict more than I wanted logical explanations. These have happened often enough that I set daily reminders for myself "stay on my white horse", "not my monkeys;not my circus" and deflection is a form of deception". I am watching this section of your videos so I must confess that I am starting to distance myself from this relationship.I am distancing myself but not because I was afraid of getting hurt. I trust myself to handle disappointment and grief as these are parts of life. Fortunately, I am not looking for any relationship until I get out of and past this one. This will give me even more tie to achieve some of my near term goals like upcoming bike events and training my puppy. Thank you Dr. Borrello. It is wonderful that your peers on RU-vid hold you in high regard as well.

So my now ex would always lie. She would delete messages from other guys who were her supposedly friends and would always have phone on silence and when I asked why she would say she didn't want me to ask who they were. She would also lie about when she went out who she was with and found out they were not her gfs but other guys. Trust is so hard now days if you have to delete, hide and lie about things is the same as cheating in my opinion. I also hate when a woman says she doesn't like men to do all the things she doesn't like but then she doesn't practice what she preaches. Being faithful and honest is easy and I do pray and believe that woman will one day come along for me and my sons.

the video is so good ,, but that stupid song dont let me CONCENTRATE

the information is great. the music is really disturbing

If he can lie to u about small things he can definitely lie big time😩

My now ex bf was Japanese and he felt the need to lie about every meaningless things. Because their culture here is based on the I must be “ nice “ to others so “ I won’t hurt your feelings” and won’t be seen as a bad “ rude “ person. It seems like it’s disrespectful to tell the truth. My gosh I respect other cultures and all but I hate liars so much they don’t deserve any respect.

Can You Play it without this music please. I can't concentrate

Thank you My partner of 6 years has just told his last lie to me. I am done ( it was a big one ) I have had enough 💛

A lie is always a lie.There is no such things as a white lie.Honesty is the best policy.Being sincere and true is always good in a relationship.

I enjoyed this video, as I do all of your sessions. Might I suggest lowering the music? I found it to be a bit distracting. Thank you for the content! :)

Wow!! This video is beautiful. Knowingly unknowing my thought get matched with u sir, its good thing. I think we can share our screts with some friends too not only with partners.

I am so grateful to find this. I went south to say good bye to my ex. She was in hospital with stage 4 cancer, my mother told me she didn't think it would be long. i told my G/F about it and she yold me that I should go. so i went. my ex was released the next day and my mother invited her to stay at her place. well, i was staying there too, but i stayed away from the ex. calked my g/f everyday and returned home after a few days. i had to do some work on my moms back yard. when i got home..eventially my gf was told that my ex was at my mothers while i was there too. pretty shitty. anyway, boom ! i was a dirtbag liar. a while after , i found out that my gf had made arrangements before i ever even left to have a former male friend go with her to the city. she claimed he knew his way around. days later she has decided to join a few other women in doing a pole dance at a bar for a man turning 70. another of her texts was an invite to come watch to that same male friend. well, had i not stumbled on her texts, she would never have said a word.....though when she found out my ex was at my mothers i was the biggest liar in the world. hows that for a bunch of bull sh!t ! i admit because she was jealous, i omitted telling her about the ex stayin at my mothers, my ex told her just to start trouble. she says the guy was just a friend, that he had slept in her bed before but nothing happened. that they never had sex. when she pole danced that night she got drunk and called me and sent me the video even. at tgat point dhe wasnt aware that my ex was at my mothers house. we slept in seperate rooms and there was no nothing...(cmon she was a cancer patient- i was showing compassion) anyway ugh

I once caught my ex keeping a secret and her claim was she didnt think it was important, then I ended it

INTEGRITY STANDS FIRST in a long-standing relationship. COMMITMENT next. Don't see money in relationship, feelings matter. We can earn money at any point of time, but we cannot get back our precious time spent on a person in a relationship. So time..... time only matters a lot with whom we are spending with.

I think true honestly is best, however, compassion can soften the remarks made to people you love. There is a way to tell the truth to not tear someone apart usually.

I was in a secret relationship and didn’t even know it

My current girlfriend lied to her distant relatives when they asked what her new boyfriend’s (me) age is. I am 4 years younger than her. She told them I was the same age as her. I wonder if that is a big enough red flag to leave the relationship.

He was married. I did not know. Been seperated for almost a year but was still making out with her and leading her on. Then was still emailing her, according to him so she didnt cause trouble for me. Which he was right she tried to get me fired from my job when she found out. I was stupid and stayed for 4 months more. But i could never trust after this. And my distrust caused a lot of fights until i ended the relationship. I cant be in one without trust.

ok here is one. i have been with my gf for a year now. one day i was in the library and a girl started hitting on me. i stopped going to the library but she found out my number online anyways and started texting me. i blocked her number. i never told my gf because that woman said derogatory things about my gfs profession and ethnicity and i didnt want to have my gf hurt by mean words. nothing ever happened between me and that other woman and i told her from day 1 that i am in a committed relationship and will never cheat on my gf. Now my gf was in the club with her female friends the other day and made several male friends on facebook that she met at that club. she told me about them and also them about me. i do not doubt her loyalty but i was a bit jealous that guys hit on her. so i had an argument with her where she said oh well girls dont hit on me because i am an awkward geek. that hurt my feelings and i mistankingly brought up the library woman making a point that girls do hit on me too. now she is rightfully angry that i hid that woman from her. i did it for a good reason in my mind but looking back i should have told her everything. any thoughts on how i can patch up?

I couldn't hear the message because the distracting music was overpowering the messenger.

Leaving out details is the worst. Deal breaker

Background music to loud😊

The sound track is annoying and your speaker seems far away from your mouth. But what you are saying is great and true.

Whats it mean when your spouse has lied (about other sexes and who shes with, where, and when) for 25 years and gets BPD diagnosis to try to wipe it all away. Then after treatment, starts lying again constantly for several more years (about being alone with other men). I am complicit if i ignore it now, right? If it was an expressed and agreed boundary, what should i do now? I said quit your job or im out. Without consequence, she ignores and devalues me more. At this point, its my fault too for allowing it. Right?

I met a guy on a phone dating line and we talked for days about 3 months I'm retired and he is a truck driver over the road so we have plenty time to talk. It could be 4 times a day and about four times that night everyday for 4 months, I have never met him yet and was planning on meeting him in public but could not do it at the time. he asked me would like to go on a trip with him I said yes then that evening he said he has something to tell me , but before that he asked me to look him up on Google I did but I found the name of another person same as him. I said there's nothing there but a young guy and we laughed and laughed about it and I thought nothing of it so that evening I asked him what did he have to tell me he said not right now I asked him again got angry and said when the time is right, I said I've been honest with you about myself and I got curious because of earlier.I never met him he want to take me to Texas with him that's why I became more Curious I look him up again I only found his name age and his family members I told him what I did he got very angry and said that disturb him so he cut it off said that never to contact him again I was wrong for doing that but I was so curious never met him before, two days later I Googled his name again more deeper found that he was convicted felon had serve time in jail for 20 years for felony burglary he only did 10 years and 3 years probation he served his time I wish he just told me I would I would have understood if he told me earlier we could discussed it. I know that would be hard to tell somebody because of fear a rejection I've been there we all have been there it's about me being nosey and now he's cut off all ties with me and I was very nervous didn't know what his secret was if he 7 was a murderer, Thief or whatever I didn't want to go anywhere with him if he did not know his Secrt. I was just protecting myself was I wrong for that? in my mind I broke his Trust I should have trust him but he has served his time and I should gave him a chance to tell me but when was the time after the trip or Bedfore when asked me to Google his name the first time that's when he should have told me then I was comfortable with him over the phone I might have gone with him but he didn't give me a chance the last note he said you will never know his secret . I do miss talking to them always had good conversation..

My husband sending $$$ to his country without telling me when I told him not to specially when we are in need!😠

Thumbs up. Super valuable information... but the background music has to go.

My partner of 2 And a half years didn't tell me about losing the new house we were due to move into this week . He told me 8 months after losing the house . He told me over the phone. Im so hurt I thought we had trust x

Great content! But the background sound is super loud! Is like talking to someone at a club.

The deception of kpj was epic. He stonewalled clammed up and omitted everything. He lied when he didnt have to Full of deceit

After 34 years married...I discover that my husband was going to leave to china and dissapear.i found papers and documents...he was preparing and lying to me for more than one year...now I dont trust him...I am devastated...I dont know if file for divorce and go back to spain with my family...I am broken

Actually. If you lie in front of the judge. Yes. Michelle Coyle has led in court

Lie is when i ask him to delete these girls on his insta he says he has but then again I see more sick and tired of it 😭

Lower the music!!

I just wish he didn't have the music going. Kind of hard to understand him.

The music is terrible. Ruined the whole vid

I have a question can I ask?

thanks you

Im just so sick of my husband lying

My boyfriend lied to me for 9 year that he wanted to marry me. And when the time came to start planning the marriage. He started to act strange. When I asked him about it he said to me that he never wants to get married. He always promises that this wil be better and theat he wil change to be a better man for me. But he never does

My ex wife has hidden secrets from me.

I’ve lied to my boyfriend. Only once and I have paid for it. He always thinks I’m lying now & I don’t know what to do. I love him & would never do it again. It’s getting worse though. I see him struggling because I know he loves me but he doesn’t trust me. It was such a dumb lie. I’ve given him time and tried everything redeeming myself. I don’t believe once a liar always a liar because it’s not true in my case. Any good news anyone wants to share?

Lies are NEVER acceptable, no matter what "color " you call it. Truth WILL come out.

I stopped the video because if the sound track.

THE MUSIC IS ANNOYING. Take it off please.

So if your boyfriend call and tell you to pack his $!#+ and take it to his mothers he done f÷!× with me.(over rumers) One week later he had his coach get in contact with me to have me come to his school so I went. I hadn't talked to him after that call not even after I talked to the coach. Now because of the phone call and the way he talked to me and the chosen words he used I took him serous and decided to let someone else take me out we did have sex but I never say anything because in my mind he broke up with me. Is this lying to him?

Can a partner be truthful to you and lie to others? Is it justifiable?

My husband lies all the time and is very secretive

Who’s smart idea was it to add very aggressive dance music in the background…. 😣

Music is too loud. At least for me :(

I need advice folks! My ex lied to me alot, But he said ” I lie and divert the truth a bit to south because I know you would go crazy and get mad” Is that ok? To lie to someone because they knew the person would get mad? Because thats like saying ” Alright let me lie 24 times cuz I knew u would get mad”.

Good talk bad music. Should not have had music in the first place

What’s up with the sound? Ruins this video

awful background music

Good video, annoying and distracting music.

get a stereo microphone!

OK, nvm, rules were just out of order; ignore my previous comment. :)

White lies Gray lies Real lies.....

dalles lied to me

My ex “forgot” about and neglected to tell me about his public and active Onlyfans page, complete with content of himself, his ex, and his friends. As soon as that lie was discovered, everything else unfolded. Get liars out of your life.