Schizoaffective with Manic Tendencies (Bipolar, Delusions, and Paranoia) 

Hello friends, thank you so much for the support and love! I've been rewatching this interview and I'm amazed that I was able to share my life with y'all, even when at the time of the interview things were sucking really bad. I'm grateful to have this interview to go back to and remind myself that I am a fighter, aware of my emotions, and that I can help others. Much love to y'all!

"Just because I look nice, doesn't mean I'm not struggling." I felt this so much.

We lived in Korea for two years. Listening to him talking about how you can’t talk about your mental health problems because it’s weakness. I saw this a lot. I hope he’s well.

Thank you so much Chris and to everyone who supports SBSK! I appreciate all the love and support which gives me hope to keep pressing on - THANK YOU!

The way John is able to illustrate the actual things going on in his head is so well done. It’s hard to see what others feel but I feel like I could picture what he talks about throughout. Way better job than I could do..

Throughout this interview John mentioned his desire to form connections and also his love of art. I included links in the description above where you can connect with John and also see his creations. Thank you for helping to break the stigma, John!

We love you John, don’t ever be ashamed of who you are!

It is next to impossible to discuss invisible illnesses with my family.. it wasn’t until I developed a physical diseases that they paid attention, but even then at a level of scrutiny and criticism rather than support. I completely empathize with John.

What a sharp, super well spoken, highly intelligent man.He communicates about his illness so clearly and that allows me to understand him, and his diagnosis, better. John, please know that what you’re doing is super helpful for thousands of people and that your willingness to be open and vulnerable is priceless. You are absolutely correct, this last year, or 2, was a train wreck for many of us and you seem to be handling it brilliantly. You definitely helped me!!! Thank you!

As a person with OCD I actually related so much to what he was saying about the experience of intrusive thoughts and how distressing they are, and that they don't match your actual wants. hearnig him talk about the misfiring of the brain and that it isn't your fault was beautiful, thank you john

People's ideas on mental illness in Korea is changing, but still not changing fast enough yet. I bet the Korean immigrants are even slower in making changes, since they are away from Korea. His Korean families must be staying at 90's idea for mental illenesses, believing that it is his fault for getting such symptoms. It is from great luck if you are living in a culture that is well educated on mental illnesses... I really appreciate his great bravery to share his stories like this.

I feel for John so much. I've had violent intrusive thoughts (typically aimed at myself) since middle school or early high school. It took me so long to realize that those thoughts weren't me. Even once I realized they weren't me, they were still really exhausting to deal with. It's been so beneficial to my life to be able to find medication that helps quiet those thoughts, with rare exceptions for bad days. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and I hope this next year goes better for you than your last 😊

I hope he is able to form those connections he's always desired. He seems like a chill guy that would be fun to be around. Bringing light to how mental health is stigmatized in certain parts of the world is important. I wish things could be more open and accepting for people dealing with mental illness.

Even though I don’t have Schizoaffective disorder, I had intrusive, violent thoughts as well. They distressed me so much, but I knew they weren’t me. This is the reason why I had to seek professional help and I didn’t have a name to it until I was 14. John, your thoughts on intrusive thoughts along with this interview was very insightful. I learned a lot from your perspective as a Korean man with Schizoaffective disorder.

Me diagnosticaron esquizofrenia hace años y he tenido medicamento y terapia desde entonces. Justo ahora tenía una crisis y me encontré éste video maravilloso. Creo que lo más importante es sentirnos apoyados y comprendidos tengamos un diagnóstico o no es primordial para la recuperación. Bendiciones para éste hermoso canal del cual aprendo tanto. Lo más importante es mantener viva la esperanza en momentos difíciles. 💖

He’s so articulate. This is an excellent video for a psychology PhD student.

Chris, the way you got in front of the "violent thoughts" conversation and diffused it by acknowledging its possible impact on the community and on John was masterful. I have only been watching your videos for a few days but I have already learned so much from you and you have inspired me to work harder on being compassionate towards others and myself.

John seems like a really nice, sensitive guy and so eloquent with his descriptions. Kinda guy that would be cool to hang out with. I wish you all the best!

All the topic of being Asian with a mental disorder gets me emotional. I once had a boyfriend who had chinese descent, and I watched him closely struggling with bipolar disorder amongst an Asian family, trying hard to live the life they wanted him to live. My lowest moment this year was losing this friend to a mental disorder

I like the way John describes intrusive thoughts: They're intrusive and upsetting because they are disturbing, they don't feel like you. No one thinks a sudden "I should buy that person's lunch for them" type thought is intrusive because we're not disturbed by it. I also grew up in a culture where emotions weren't shown, especially anger, and I had a lot of intrusive, angry thoughts (and still struggle with them when I'm very stressed) and they suck! Thank you so much for sharing!

As an Asian person, I totally feel this. It's true amongst the older generations of Asians but I think just in the world in general too, older generations didn't grow up being taught about mental health because to them, it simply "didn't exist". I remember when I first found out I had anxiety at around 16, and I told my abusive narcissist Asian mother (who's now 52) that I had anxiety and that's why I was scared about doing something, she told me "you're crazy!". It took me a long while to get past that but I've let it go now because that resentment did nothing but weigh me down. But it's the truth with the older generations, if you were mentally ill, you were either viewed as tired or crazy and laughed at, then they were given dangerous meds and treatments to treat mental health such as shock therapy or drilling holes into people's skulls and that was about it. It is actually caveman level of barbaric, and understanding mental health is honestly a new age thing that has come with the Digital Age, we're still needing to deepen our knowledge and studies about mental health now! The education system still needs to be updated around the world too because most of the world is stuck with 1900s education subjects and learning methods. It seems surreal to think that we have only just come out of a dark and uneducated time about a lot of things but here we are. I believe it will only get better from here as the younger more educated generations grow up :) anyway much love to John, I'll definitely check out his links and try connect, he seems lovely to talk to. We all just need understanding and kindness with one another honestly ♡

I have so much respect and admiration for John for being so open and vulnerable his mental health, especially having grown up in a culture that has so little understanding and tolerance for mental illness. It's great to hear that his parents seem supportive of his treatment now. And his art is so beautiful!! What a talented and thoughtful guy all around.

John, I 'd like you to know that you're absolutely not alone and that you certainly can do it. It's not I'm just making conversation. Unfortunately Korean culture is not the only culture that tends to stigmatise mental health. Lots of unexpected western cultures do it too. It's the same old story about being afraid of what looks different, the same dangerous attitude that has done so much harm throughout all history. That's why it's important just to talk about it. You're not wrong, you're no different than us all. A big virtual hug from Italy

I learned so much from this interview. John's a good communicator.

안녕하세요 I agree that is very difficult to be in a conservative society with mental illness. I am in my mid-50s and my parents would not admit that I had a mental illness. I did not get help until I moved out. Blessings to you!

As someone with OCD who also experienced intrusive, violent thoughts, I found a lot of what you said to be extremely comforting. Thank you so so much for being open and vulnerable. It has certainly empowered and inspired me.

As someone with mental illnesses and disabilities mentally, I struggle with people also trying to hush me with talking about my experience and I always felt frustrated with it. The way John talked about it as having your autonomy being taken away totally resonated with me. I just want people to be aware and also be comfortable with coming to me for things they may be scared to talk about. I ABSOLUTELY loved hearing and watching this. I thoroughly wish John the best. I wish there was a way to reach out to John personally because he seems like such a nice being.

Chris I cannot thank you enough for doing this interview with John who has schizoaffective disorder. I've been waiting and waiting for you to do an interview like this. My best friend had schizoaffective disorder and it was so difficult for her to live with all of the negative voices she would hear. She never heard a voice that was positive it was always telling her to either kill herself or go kill someone else. And I'm so glad you're letting everything come out in this video. I myself struggle with severe mental illness and I love this guy. I understand what he is going through and that it has nothing to do with him as a person. His brain is broken that's all. Just as if someone had a kidney problem. I really love the way you interviewed him and his responses where so beautiful and so heartfelt. All I can say is I hope people learn about schizoaffective disorder. I had another friend who has had it its very difficult to live with it, schizophrenia with bipolar disorder. And like John said it plays itself out differently with each person. And I know what it means to constantly be thinking about dying and death its very scary and sometimes you don't know its not real, that they are just thoughts going through your head. It takes an immense amount of courage and strength to deal with what John is dealing with. Its not easy it is extremely difficult. But he is doing it and I'm going to subscribe right away to his RU-vid channel. I can't wait to see what he has to say. Thank you Chris so very much for making this video.

John, your vulnerability is very much appreciated. Your openness is going to help a lot of people feel less alone

I love this dude. Very thoughtful and logical. He seems to be managing his illness very well. ❤️💪🏼 Also, I would love to talk to him myself, but I’m sure he will be too popular to do so after this, haha. I appreciate the honesty! Honesty is super important to me. Great interview.

Thank you for sharing about yourself, John. I have major depressive disorder and I'm currently very overwhelmed by existential dread, and your words about reminding yourself that you can just enjoy life and your past joy was real were really helpful.

thank you for bringing awareness, from another schizo affective person

I Have This Disorder And Mania Ain't No Joke💯💔🙌🏽🙏🏾God Bless Us All

"I feel like I'm too much for everyone else"- you're not alone, buddy

My best friend has schizophrenia and I see a lot of relations to John. I hope John knows that he is loved and that he isn’t alone. Almost lost my friend because he thought he was alone.

Hello John! Wow, you are very brave to share your life with us out here! This channel is really changing how people think about and react to differences in people. We are all related. We all need the same things. You are contributing important information! I am glad I met you! ❤

Don’t ever think you’re too much, lots of people are in a very similar situation as you so I hope you can get close to them

This morning I woke up and had very violent intrusive thoughts about my parents (the first in a while), these past three weeks have been rough for me and I feel lost, slacking and hopeless..first video I click on and you actually addressed violent intrusive thoughts, thank you John, this video means a lot to me, I feel seen and understood

Thank you for sharing your story John! As a fellow Asian, I agree that among Asians, they tend to ignore mental health and pretend that it doesn’t exist or that it brings shame to the family. I know because when I was diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar major depression, I hid it from everyone in my family. However, they all know now and at first they acted really weird around me. Meds and therapy help, also finding my triggers help me cope. Any diagnosis is on a spectrum and no diagnosis is the same for any two people. Sending you lots of love and great thoughts for your creative space! ❤️

I have the same diagnosis. My first episode I was 17 in the middle of my junior year of high school. I'm thankful my family has taken care of me through all my episodes. Now I'm 21, also clean and sober 83 days today. Tons and tons of people don't understand the psychosis. At first I was like why me. But being on the right medication and being sober, I accepted it and pray for those still struggling

What a powerful interview! Thanks for sharing.

John, you articulate your experiences so clearly. Thank you so much for making the decision to share with us. You are loved!

I liked a lot how he said that those things aren t him because they disturb him and only if they didn’t it would have been a problem. it s so true and something to keep in mind

I am a 25 years old Asian woman who have Schizophrenia, you are not alone with mental illness. We got this, we are on the same boat.

Hey John, you have incredible charisma. You living so close to the truth is a fresh breeze of air in this society. Also, I love your art - it's so beautiful and expressful!

Im only a few minutes into this yet YOU SEEM SO KIND AND FRIENDLY! Let's be friends!

What a coincidence, I was just watching Daniel’s veteran days’ video on his channel

I'm addressing John and his concern directly right now. I appreciate you, I understand you (within the limits of someone who isn't diagnosed similarly), and I respect you as a fellow human.

An amazing interview! John is so honest, brave and insightful.

My heart when they said I love you. 😩 We need to be more loving to one another.

Much love to John! I love art as well! Try to stay positive! I hope you can find comfort in your life. Heal up and I appreciate ya.

Hello Chris (i assume you read the comments) i have been following this channel for a couple of years and i have to make you a compliment. Your emphatic, spontaneous and heartfelt way of interviewing is not only very interesting and touching to look at but i think is of great importance. It is mainly because of you that people who otherwise might not be really listened to, not being knowledge or perhaps not being taken really seriously, that those persons have a face and have a voice, they are not the man or woman (child) with this or that disorder but real individuals that just like the average person is in need of Acceptance Compassion and Love.Thanks to you there is more and more acceptance and awareness for people with disabilities and or disorders and every country in the world should have a person like you to advocate for them. Have you ever considered to some kind of world tour where you gonna do the same kind of interviews but then with support of local tv networks? Stay healthy, save and happy

Love you John ! And I appreciate you sharing about yourself with everyone who watches! The only way to understand is to listen and I thank you for allowing us to listen to you ! Checked your IG BTW- awesome art !!!

You're absolutely NOT too much for everyone else and I'd totally be friends. He seems like a really kind and chill dude.

Great interview! We all have “something” nothing to be ashamed of. Your an awesome person John. Thank you!

i don't think i am exaggerating at all but this channel is one of the most important ones on RU-vid let alone anything on Television. Keep it up. Great on the people coming on to share their lives.

John I'm so happy you're able to tell your story and share with us about your life. You have been through so much yet your light shines through. Sending you hugs and best wishes from the UK x

John, I appreciate you for sharing your experiences and being honest. ❤️

I so appreciate your openness to share where you're at. My son was recently diagnosed with bipolar schizophrenia. He doesn't like to talk about stuff. Listening to you has helped me to understand. Thank you.

Exceptional expression and vulnerability. I so appreciate this. Especially the difficulties with aggression, and the struggle with how that can undermine connections with others, isolate, change sense of self.

Thanks SO Much for sharing!!!! You are helping hundreds of people who identify with exactly what you're going through. So important!!!

You’re super intelligent and helpful, the mental health community will appreciate this. I hope the best for you

he articulated himself so well, wouldnt be able to tell that he was nervous. thank you for sharing john. i wish you all the love and happiness in the world.

I just want to first say thank you John for being so open and honest, I found you to be very smart and self aware. You have a very sweet soul and may god continue to bless you and surround you with people who love and cherish you.

John, thanks so much for helping me learn more about schizoaffective disorder, and therefore helping me better understand people who have the disorder. You sharing your story opened my eyes, and you have such a great way of speaking honestly and realistically about what you struggle with and what helps you. You've touched a lot of people with this episode, so thank you again!

Wow wow wow. This was such a great interview! What a kind and thoughtful young man! Thank you so much!

This was one of the best interview on the chanel.all the best for John.

Ask before make your own conclussions is SO important. You could read "manic" on the video and think "wow, he is really f*cked up for sure", but look! He struggles every second not to be who people would think he is. Cause he's not. He's a kind guy and deserves so much love like everyone else if not even more. I love you too, my friend!

John, you are very articulate and good at describing your experiences! Thank you for giving us the chance to understand! Greetings from Norway

I think John seems like a great young man that has his struggles and he’s getting help. He is helping others, I’m sure of that. Thank you very much for sharing his story. I love this channel.

You've got a great personality, John. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm sure it's been so tough for you, but sending nothing but love your way 😊

I’m doing my makeup and watching and when Chris said ‘I love you’ I about cried! John thanks for sharing! Love you both. Keep on doing good

What a precious value & loving education you create John, through your generous, frank discussion and descriptions with Chris and with us. Kudos to you both for this interview--this permanent contribution--and for being you! Thanks to you, and to all SBSK past & future participants, for these continually invaluable, generous insights into the human condition. 🌿💚🌿

Thank you so much, John, for sharing your story. There is no doubt it will help a lot of people who is struggling in the same way to feel more confident and less lonely. It takes courage to speak so openly about your struggles without sugarcoating anything. It is something to be really proud of. And yes, you deserve all the love in the world.

I am so glad I found this channel. you never know what someone is going through so always BE KIND. Thank you for sharing your experience so openly. you are loved and appreciated!

Thanks for sharing. I work in a boys school.. with lots of struggling teenager's and I honestly think he would be an amazing speaker for them to understand their feelings and that they're not alone!

I just love this channel so much. It’s so wholesome.

Hi, John. Thank you for your lovely interview. I've been to some of those amazing manic places myself, and I've also dealt with the reality of managing a slower, sadder, darker world. I find joy in sharing my experiences and in just building morning, days, and nights that are fun and make sense to me. Joy to you! Whispers can be upsetting. I find that if I sleep less than 4 hours a night for too many consecutive nights, the whispers escalate into a strange sort of "awake" dreaming. It only lasts for seconds at a time, but it feels like paranoia and can lead to fear.

You were incredible, Johnny. You spoke for all of us struggling with different levels of mental illness. For that, I thank you. It couldn't have been more beautifully expressed!!!🙏🏽💐

I appreciate how honest you are, John!! You did important, fantastic, comforting, insightful work. Thank you.

Thank you so much for sharing yourself so openly and well explained- this is so important for the world. SBSK is one of the most important social media channels ever and you are one of the most important and well spoken people that have been on. I love that the world is opening up to understanding neurodiversity and SBSK is so instrumental to that. You did an amazing job!! You came across as intelligent, well spoken, calm, self aware, brave, and mature. thank you for sharing yourself so openly and helping us all understand what your experience is. You rock!

Keep your head up John. 🙏🏼You got this brotha. 💪🏼🙌🏼 Day at a time.

Hearing others who deal with this helps me so much I wanna cry. I love this channel it helps me when I'm dealing with what I deal with it.

John, thank you for being brave, vulnerable, and so willing to share your story with us!

What bravery! 💖 thank you for sharing, John. You are seen, heard and appreciated!

I hope You are reading this ! Your '' Illness '' is nothing bad nor weak. Many People cant even tell what they feel. So i think of your condition as a Superpower to be Trained ! Dont give Up Brother ! Even i never met you, im sure You are a Awesome Person and it would be a Pleasure to meet you.

So glad the comment section is back! My thoughts and compassion to John. Thank you for opening up and being so willing to share with us.

John, much love to you! I can relate to your description of intrusive thoughts so so much. It is a bit haunting how similar I experience this myself. I am on the bipolar side, combined with chronic depression. I struggle so much with these intrusive, negative those, often they are violent, too. It is really beautiful to see your interview and to experience you talking so openly about it. Thank you so much for this video. I wish you all the possible best!

I really enjoyed the entire interview, but the part that really struck home for me on a personal level was about having violent intrusive thoughts. I have hardly ever even told anyone about my struggling with these myself, I always fear what they will think, I fear they will become afraid of me. I don't even think I have mentioned it to my current therapist or prescriber, I only mention the paranoia, it makes me feel sad that I have not been able to open up about this to people who I know and who are there for me in every other aspect, maybe they will be there for me still even if I tell them. Thank you so much for leaving that portion in the video, it really helps to not feel alone when I hear other people struggle with similar things.

i feel him, i'm japanese living with the same disorder it's a horror but i'm thankful there are medications that help.

Thank you for sharing your story and talking so openly about your struggles. It’s so important to talk about these things. Sending you much love 💗 It sounds so painful

I have schizo effective , manic type, and im 52 now, it took a long while to get the right meds, i havent relapsed for 15 yr, the most important thing you can do, is find a purpose, whether it is having a wife and family, or painting the mona lisa, find a purpose and never give it up, it will make you more boyant in life, and will bring you peace of mind, even if you dont always succeed...

I am so happy to hear you speak about your experience. You are so articulate and able to explain things so well. My dad was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the 1970s. He went through so much in his life and we, his family, went through it too. He felt so ashamed that he rarely talked about what it was like to actually have manic episodes. I have so much compassion for you. My dad was an amazing man with many gifts and talents and he really touched the lives of people who knew him. I think you need to know that you also are loved and valued by the people in your life and also now that you’ve shared your experience there will be many people all over the world who will be touched by what you’ve shared and show appreciation to you. Keep going!

Thank you for opening up to us, and telling us your story, struggles and feelings. it can't be easy but keep it up. Thank you, again, for teaching us about you!

Much love to this strong young man. He is a legend for telling it like it is and he is absolutely going to help so many people.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm going through a bipolar depression and this really helped me get some emotion out. Upwards brother!

Thank you for this wonderful interview, John and Chris!

I rreally needed to see this. Thank you for providing a platform for these conversations. As a person with Bipolar Disorder and schizo-affective tendencies, it makes me feel a lot less alone.

Watching your videos while in crisis mode is a helpful grounding tool. As someone with cptsd mdd gad ocd who has psychiatric therapy twice weekly &multiple medications disruption in that safety net is indescribable. Today I got an email from my therapist whose father passed away over the weekend, and all appointments are canceled for the next two weeks. Currently trying to manage the overwhelming feelings of losing everything. Thank you for sharing your story, it's something to be proud of. Muchlovealways

I definitely appreciate your honesty in this interview! Thank you for being vulnerable, so we can learn from you and what this disorder does. I just subscribed to your channel! Keep fighting the good fight! God bless you, John!