THANK YOU for watching my video! I am working hard to bring you information to make your caregiving journey just a little bit easier. I know it’s tough. Did you find something today that helped? Let me know! I read ALL the comments and respond as I can! **** PLEASE go and SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, COMMENT, and SHARE!
It's funny really, I joined your group to get support for my mom and I'm now a caregiver for other people with Dementia. What circles life takes us through!
Hello Ms Fitch. Thank you for informative videos... recently found your videos. Another tip to easier bath time, i started using fruit scented bath shampoo. I lather it up lots of foam and chat her up to enjoy home spa experience... also added nice smelling essential oil drops in bowl with hot water to make bathroom smell good. Works for my mom... most of the time 🤪
We've tried solving all her fears and she simply refuses to take a shower. There's a hand held shower there, she said it hurts. She also said she's not stupid and knows what she needs. It's been 7 weeks since her last shower. She absolutely refuses. I tried to do a handbath and she tried to kick me out of the house.
Lori Abercrombie aww! Goodness. Did you see the big bath wipes (like baby wipes but bigger and they are no rinse) I posted above in the area under the video? Maybe you could give her some of those and tell her to use those to “freshen up” for now. When she transitions to a lower stage, it should get easier. So sorry it’s hard.
Really helpful advice, this video prompted a conversation with my dad who fells unsafe in the shower. Some new options to explore now. I try to make bathing day a bit more like a spa day with a foot spa session which he loves (I get to trim his nails after which is the point :) ) He uses talc to "Freshen up" which ends up as a stinky paste so getting immersion in water is a must. Thanks again. :)
Nilaqua "Towel Off" Shampoo and Body Wash is an absolute god send. It's water based and really removes dirt etc but doesn't require additional water or rinsing. You just towel it off.
The problem is that I work in a facility that doesn't offer those things... I'm not new to dementia but I'm new to the aggression factor I'm seeing. I'm looking for help because some of these people will punch and bite
I say "I need you to show me how to use this shower please" Then of course 'take your socks off so they don't get wet', as I take mine off, then oh you don't want your shirt wet etc "Can you show me how to turn it on etc etc. This is my in their own homes patients, my own mother is another story.... :)
I need a tip for getting my mom to agree to taking a shower. She is a former geriatric nurse. She knows everything and uses her nursing knowledge and experience as a debate forum for anything we ask her.
The problem with me and my LO is they wanna get in the bathtub & refuse to use the shower chair and I'm not strong enough to get them out of the bathtub
Get another pair of eyes. Walk around to see where a shower stall might go. Have someone with you to see that which you’ve missed. Long ago and far away, I had a basement floor with a standard floor drain. There are four sided freestanding shower things. Looks like a stream cabinet, bather's head sticks out. It goes over an existing drain. Minimal plastic to bring in the world. Can resell it easily…so many people have the problem. Grandkids could use it as a play tent. With a bidet, the main problem is taken care of. People swear by them. Colored lights come on as you approach. We should have introduced this when they were ten years younger. The rest….get pretty handled buckets that fit in the dishwasher. Sit on the porch with few friends, wash. Have wash mitts and soft towels. Finish with lotions and oils. Bunch of women talking, she’ll be distracted. Imagine a covered porch off of a bedroom. A ritual.
It’s our fault. There should be design. Eliminate the bathtub. The belly of the beast. Houzz or Pinterest…they show what we should be using….Wet Room. Attractive tile, stainless trench drain, multiple soft rain handheld showers. No need for redesigning existing bathrooms. Build something in a room corner or top of the stairs. Maybe augment a laundry closet to make a shower, or use the medical tax deduction to build. It would include design cost as well. There are loans and grants. A DIY project because there’s not that much to it. Get a license where you need it, get the county to inspect. Do it right for safety and real estate value. It’s a sensory overload. Participants too loud and demanding, icky floor rugs, plus, rubberized bathtub mats are uncomfortable to walk on. Things change over time. I can’t wash my hair in the shower now, it’s too disorienting. Benches or chairs I can’t use. Knees hurt. Think Terrible Twos . How’d you get them in there? Toys, kitchen items like ladles and funnels. Then, they don’t want to get out. We should have these bidet seats long ago. There are several kinds. Some need electric which you’d have professional and licensed. Tax favored. Maybe grants or low cost loans, just do it right. Try one of the seats for a month or so. DIY. If you don’t care for it or time is up..will re- sell, keep the box. Use bath towels hung on hangers at varying heights, to quiet things down. Cover the mirrors. They see themselves and think it’s somebody else. Use dollar store pool noodles as visual cues and guides, and to make the stall less noisy. No need to attach, just stack until you have a feel for how to place. We’ve not used innovation for this common problem. Let’s work on it….its the biggest obstacle we have. With a bidet toilet seat, once they’ve become. accustomed to it…the feet can be done while watching tv, just don’t trip on the dishpan. Plan your work. I’m just so pleased at the information sharing that is here. I had auntie until her demise in 2005. Later I had my dad until his demise in 2017. I didn’t have anything to go on. Now Saint Internet to the rescue. We owe it to them to innovate and get this right.
PS, I'm a new subscriber. We are trying to keep my mother out of a home but she's not doing well at it. She's combative as can be. Thanks for having this channel
Lori Abercrombie come on over to my Facebook Group! Link in description. We are 1000+ strong and so many help and have great ideas for what has worked for them! Along with my behavior strategies in the book, they add their ideas!
I'm caring with dimentia so hard for me to do when she go to bath she fighting to me I wish this video will help me. I want to give up my job na so hard 😢🙏
My mom put me through pure HELL today. It almost always happens when she shits herself and has crap everywhere. This is when she is the LEAST cooperative. It almost ALWAYS involves POOP! She just wants me to leave her alone and let her spread it all over the house. Of course I can't do that and when I try to get her cleaned up, she goes full PSYCHO! Begging and pleading with her has ZERO affect. Today, she was literally trying to break the cord to the shower head while I was washing her. She was yelling for HELP and saying I was trying to drown her when I started washing her head. She does this every time I wash her hair. I finally got her cleaned up, dried off, and got clean cloths on her, then began the two hour crap cleanup of the floor and walls, and washing the cloths and towels. Two hours later, she was acting like a complete angle and was saying she was sorry for acting like an a$$ hole. It's amazing how different her mind was. Complete Psycho one minute and an angel two hours later. To say that my mom hates to be bathed would be a monumental understatement! It doesn't matter how much poop she has all over her. I can't take many more days like today. I'm going to beg her doctor to give her a prescription for Valium! None of these ABC's work with my mom! If she was at a nursing home, they would have her sitting in a corner slobbering on herself, sedated out of what's left of her mind! I just want her relaxed and a little more cooperative and less combative when she makes a mess of herself.
My patient used to love getting a shower and washing her hair (I would set her hair afterwards), also letting me do her nails. Now she wont shower, wash her hair or do her nails. I've tried everything. It's been 15 days now! Please help!
The care home kept sending in male aids to shower mom and she got so upset thought they were there to have sex with her, we have asked the care home for only female aids off bathing. She gets showered twice a week but sometimes just says no, my sister gets upset with her. Thank you for putting this out there.
I have problem, she won’t shower she said she is never scared of getting into the shower and then she would say she already had a shower or she is taking one at night she is able to do everything herself but it’s been a month since I notice she had a shower
For several decades I have cared for two family members and many other dementia clients in my work as a home health aide. I have a new "don't need a bath" dementia client. I think she has additional issues that have never heard anyone talk about as related to how to enlist cooperation with persons with dementia: Those who are sexual abuse survivors. She says the things you mention but also: (1) Screaming "Don't come near me" or "Help, she's trying to touch me wrong"; (2) EXTREME startle response to my accidentally touching; (3) flailing her hands/arms in the classic helicopter-arm action appearing to fend off an attacker; (4) suddenly changing behavior by becoming numb/unresponsive to my attempts to touch/bathe her (almost like she is giving up and surrenders to some inevitable horror); (5) and so much more. These cues are the same but different from the ones shared here. There is an additional element to her responses that hints that something else is wrong--her fear and anxiety seems deeper and more internalized . I have searched for/found some videos that discuss bath avoiders which mention PTSD and child abuse dementia survivors (but strangely not specifically those who are adult rape or domestic violence survivors with dementia), or who respond negatively to other tasks. So I guess I’m asking you this: Which videos do you consider some of the best to explore how we can learn to be more effective in helping persons with dementia who have traumatic sexual histories face their daily challenges? Thank you.
THANK YOU for your work and these tremendous contributions. I don’t know of any specific videos which discuss your question. So I will make one. I am shooting new videos next week. I will investigate and include these suggestions and anything else I find. ❤️ Vicky
Thank you for your quick response. I will eagerly and with great anticipation be looking for your input in the near future. And thank YOU for all that you do, also! 💖 Veva
i had a client (without dementia) who hated showering b/c of being cold. i had to crank up the bathroom heat, keep her bathrobe on until the moment i turned on the water, put it on immediately afterwards. it really helped getting her to cooperate.
Hard to find a bed robe. Maybe commission somebody to make a few. Wear the robe until seated, last possible moment to remove. Lifting arms can hurt, eliminate that stress and the apprehension of pain that proceeds it. A drape is better. With a foot injury, I don’t like cotton shag bathmats. I like the new diatomaceous earth ones,because they dry instantly and are rigid. It should be a wonderful experience to bathe. Instead it’s like pulling teeth.
I almost had my client in the shower. He had to get up to go to the bathroom. Once he was in the bathroom he decided that he couldn’t walk even though he was walking back to the bed. We had negotiated that if he took a shower I would watch westerns with him. Well it didn’t work. He is back in his bed now.
thank you I love your videos and have learned so much despite being a COTA for years. I have a client now who will NOT take a shower or bath, he says he just took one, or that he doesn't need one, or that he will take one when he gets home (he lives in LTC now) he is very combative, and puts his feet down and resists every time. I have just started working with him on this. Today I tried showing him the warm towels on the towel warmer, he wouldn't even enter the spa room. I brought the towel out to him, he said that's nice but I don't need it. I left it at that. I also gave him some icecream sitting in the doorway of the spa room. I also gave him a schedule of his bath days, and he said "I don't need that I will take a shower when I get home" I said well, you will be here for a little while, lets take one now then you won't have to worry for a while when you get home.... flat no! He is a fairly strong guy, and very stubborn. Do you have any other suggestions? I am thinking in line of desensitization, of the spa room, just getting him in there to like the ball around, or play balloon will help..... I may also try to give him a shower down in the therapy room which has a more home like shower/tub combo...... They do make sure he is warm enough, and covered well during his spa bath....
In my caregiving experience having the bathroom already warmed up helps and I've found music can be very helpful in changing moods. Elvis greatest hits or whatever they like.. try to make it a good experience for them.
Toilet baths are pretty helpful with pericare draped in a large bathtowel for privacy.The rest is a plain sponge bath covered up.Tell them you're going to a function and need to get freshened up together.❤
We use a great no rinse wash cloth, it's thick and lathers great. We use for sponge baths when a shower is a no go and even in the regular shower to cut down on steps of putting soap on the washcloth, Great tips thanks!
Spouse refuses to bathe won't let me bear him to get clothes off or to wet wipe him. He's been in pooped pants for days refuses to give me pants and won't wear his normal diaper daily.smell is horrible.i tried your other techniques mentioned in your video still will not cooperate.dead set on not getting clean.
Does he give a reason why he doesn’t want to change? What do you think is his reason? Is he scared? Embarrassed? Would he let home health care or hospice come in to help?
No he just refuses to let me touch or be near him I called 411 they came got him I stayed in kitchen they took him to hospital they released him to nursing care home and 2 weeks later he passed away kidney failure sepis .he passed 2 14 2022. Im thinking he didn't want me to touch him cause he knew he was sick and dying.he could not walk or talk so could not relay pain issues to me. Spent his last days in a bed could nitvdrinknor swallow food on advantvand morphine for pain.
Hi, the only thing that helped me is to have someone help. It takes two if not more people… one to help calm them down. Talking quiet as to what and why we are doing… the other to take clothes off… cutting clothes with scissors if necessary… it will only be a quick rinse… obviously…. And having everything ready is helpful. 😢 wish their was an easier way
Oh my I love your video and the ideas you shared! I cared for my father with dementia back three years! I could have used this information! 😖 So true how reasurance helps to calm their fears! They may not even realize that they are afraid! It took me so long to stop fighting with him! Once I assured him I was going to protect him, he was more willing to cooperate! Next, I hope can use these suggestions with my mother! 💞🙏💞
I’m sorry your experience is different! It has worked well for some people that I have helped, and not well at all for others. I am disappointed that the video did not offer any more help. If you have found anything that works, please share it here or come over to the support group on Facebook and share what you have found. Also, there are people there who have found other things that work, so you could find tips and tricks inside of the group. There is a search bar at the top of the group, and you can search bathing, baths, a DL’s. You should find help through those search options. Thx for your input!!
