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Secrets of a Couples Counselor: 3 Steps to Happier Relationships | Susan L. Adler | TEDxOakParkWomen 

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Susan presents the idea that if we nourish our relationships we become a team and build the trust and goodwill that we’ll need to get us through the difficult times. She offers three tools that can help make relationships happier and lasting. Susan L. Adler, LCSW has 35 years of experience as a therapist, and was named a Chicago Social Worker of the Year by the National Association of Social Workers Chicago Chapter. She is an award-winning author and an American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy Clinical Member and Approved Supervisor. Currently in private practice, Susan specializes in Couples Therapy including Pre-marital Counseling, and Separation and Divorce Recovery as well as Adult Individual Psychotherapy. She has a subspecialty working with LGBTQ individuals and couples. Susan is known for her approachable, humanistic, strength-based, goal-driven approach to treatment. She is passionate about helping others discover and reach their personal goals and experience deep and satisfying relationships. Happily married, Susan has lived, worked and raised her family, including six children and step-children, in the Oak Park / River Forest area for the past 30 years. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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6 янв 2019

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Комментарии : 665   
@kaycali4912
@kaycali4912 5 лет назад
Summary: 1. Use Anything but anger- when your upset, sit down, take a deep breath, and think about what’s really going on. Use any other emotion(s) but anger. 2. Raising the bar- challenge yourself to be helpful when your partner is having a bad day. Don’t engage in conflict. 3. Use “I would love it if...” statements, instead of blaming or criticizing one another. Ex. Rather than “You never wash the dishes!” Say “I would really love it if you could wash the dishes next round.” Hope these work 🤞
@flower_sweets8892
@flower_sweets8892 4 года назад
Khanda Hussein that's bs I use those methods and since I say I would love if you , they never do
@umunasra2382
@umunasra2382 4 года назад
Thank you
@NafishaGibson
@NafishaGibson 4 года назад
Thank you!💖
@josepirela1920
@josepirela1920 4 года назад
I\'m not sure but ,if anyone else needs to find out about how do i save my marriage try Bablim Relationship Booster ( search on google ) ? Ive heard some decent things about it and my neighbor got amazing success with it.
@jeanluisindriagolugo232
@jeanluisindriagolugo232 4 года назад
I'm investigating improving your partnership and found a fantastic resource at Mirykal Marriage Plan (check it out on google)
@wishingonthemoon1
@wishingonthemoon1 3 года назад
And if these don’t work, GET OUT. My ex boyfriend didn’t care if I was hurt, WOULD NOT change if I was sad. I took the high road, the high road, always the high road. Used all sorts of “I would love it if...” phrases. It was an abusive relationship. Don’t let being a “good person,” and forgiving person blind you from reality.
@jocelynmontgomery8552
@jocelynmontgomery8552 3 года назад
YES!!! So much yes! I was upset she did not explain that deeper. People need to be "Evenly yoked". If the other doesn't put the same amount of work in? Eventually that is TORTURE. Some partners don't want/care/ and ENJOY tormenting the other person in the relationship!
@Veeena
@Veeena 3 года назад
Exactly!!!! I remember my "ex-boyfriend" (not really since looking back at it, now that I found my true love and soulmate, that wasn't even a real relationship) he would just bet extremely passed out of nowhere and just insult me and criticize me and when I would try to stay calm and tell him that's not nice to hear he wouldn't care at all and make me feel so hurt and flawed and just like I deserve to get yelled at and insulted Thank God my future husband is the kind to NEVER EVER use insults or ever even get angry!
@vsachar8318
@vsachar8318 3 года назад
Why should one person do all the compromising? If even talking about what ine needs from the other and there are no changes what's the point. If I hurt and the hurt doesn't care then it's best to say I tried my best and now it's time to leave and find someone who will treat you right.
@JesseJames-ig7gu
@JesseJames-ig7gu 2 года назад
@@Veeena sounds like you had a one sided relationship. Guessing you’ll ensure the rest go the same way as you seem to imply it only took one to Tango. I mean, your right, you’re always right. Fly high little butterfly.
@sarina5352
@sarina5352 2 года назад
Exactly, such things work out only if its just simple arguments. But if it's abuse then these aren't going to work. No one should return flowers for an abuse.
@cmpdas
@cmpdas 5 лет назад
many ted talks have this polished smugness to them. she's standing up their with notes and its not polished but she's making some really good points. down to earth
@loisann7619
@loisann7619 4 года назад
Yes, I noticed this. She's down to earth, yes needs notes, as most would. She's real and I learned from her.
@PeliculasOnline2017
@PeliculasOnline2017 4 года назад
Kudos for the video content! Apologies for butting in, I would appreciate your initial thoughts. Have you thought about - Mahorrla Parting Outlive Method (should be on google have a look)? It is a good one of a kind guide for learning how to bring back a relationship minus the hard work. Ive heard some super things about it and my best friend Jordan at very last got great results with it. ✅
@vivianhughes7801
@vivianhughes7801 4 года назад
Is there anything wrong with her reading notes?
@rachelwharton4245
@rachelwharton4245 3 года назад
I heard someone say one time that to give a Ted talk, you have to submit what you’ll say beforehand and that it has to be approved, and you HAVE to say it word for word once you give it or else... something, I’m not sure lol. But yeah if that’s true it would be so difficult for me to memorize a speech!
@ogungbemioluwadamilola3925
@ogungbemioluwadamilola3925 3 года назад
I was able to hack my husband’s phone messages and calls with the help of RYANSROOM617 on instagram or Call him to help you if you need Any hacking job ‪+1 (303) 219‑8042
@yarldevisamayal2939
@yarldevisamayal2939 4 года назад
We’ve Been married 33 years, fight for your marriage because , at the end of the day nothing else will matter. Material things are good but can’t maintain lasting happiness or can not bring joy! Divorce brings extreme pain, sorrow, retreat, emptiness and lasting scars in your life. When I was 28 I almost left my wife over a crazy stuff. I got in my car and drove off angry and upset . and I heard the voice of God say to me “what about me Jamie.. you made a vow to not only her, but me, is there anything too hard for me to do or fix ?” I turned the car around and went back to her. Now we are still in love 33 years later. There is nothing else in the world worth destroying your home❤️
@Whitemoon379
@Whitemoon379 4 года назад
Jamie adkin ❤️
@dixienormous49
@dixienormous49 4 года назад
But did she cheat? Cause I got cheated on and I'm in so much pain
@charliedavies3236
@charliedavies3236 4 года назад
Basically think we all don’t have to face all these deceit and lies from our spouse… in a case of mine when i got sick and tired of all the lies and deceit i had to contact a friend of mine to get me the Contact of one of the best hackers in the states. just contact him on VIA Instagram @westhack000
@shelleygreyrealtor
@shelleygreyrealtor 4 года назад
@@dixienormous49 I'm sorry you experienced that. Hopefully time will heal that wound.
@fasorantisusan341
@fasorantisusan341 4 года назад
What about a situation where u r frustrated by accusations of what u neva did from his fam? Every 2 weeks
@juless9963
@juless9963 3 года назад
Good advice she is right, I met my husband in high school 45 years ago...we became good friends and later on once we got married we became a "TEAM" we still maintained our lives, weeded out a few toxic people and we have been married for 33 years...that is key to any relationship and a promising future together.
@thepriceofmarriage7841
@thepriceofmarriage7841 Год назад
Great advice
@lola1987fudgeyouu
@lola1987fudgeyouu 4 года назад
Not in a relationship, but Im preparing😊😊
@ekennahutchinson1636
@ekennahutchinson1636 3 года назад
Me too 🙂
@JaHm3sZ
@JaHm3sZ 3 года назад
DONT DO IT! ITS A TRAP. totally kidding. Good luck!
@EmpoleonGaming
@EmpoleonGaming 3 года назад
Y'all got this! Ted talks help me remind myself what I could lose if I give up on my so
@ahki-adhamash-shakur7723
@ahki-adhamash-shakur7723 3 года назад
Same
@ogungbemioluwadamilola3925
@ogungbemioluwadamilola3925 3 года назад
I was able to hack my husband’s phone messages and calls with the help of RYANSROOM617 on instagram or Call him to help you if you need Any hacking job ‪+1 (303) 219‑8042
@brightpage1020
@brightpage1020 4 года назад
“Anger’s the bodyguard of emotion.” Wohw! Talk about resonating. I love the ABA tip and the “I would love it if...” statement (instead of the outdated, “I feel... when you...”) This is helpful and I can put this into action today without overthinking it. Thank you.
@kingmemories352
@kingmemories352 2 года назад
I learned a new definition of anger from this video: Anger is the cover up of hurt which makes a person feel vulnerable, and vulnerable makes us feel powerless, and no one wants to feel powerless. This statement will make you rethink the expression of your feelings.
@chaemomileeee
@chaemomileeee 2 года назад
That's great! You learned something today! I would like add more onto that. Anger is actually a secondary emotion (like a defense mechanism). So when one is Angry there actually an another emotion that that person is feeling. It could be hurt, sadness, the feeling that no one understands that person etc.
@te1280
@te1280 3 года назад
“The hallmark of a good relationship is only when one person goes crazy at a time” 😝.
@tobex1991
@tobex1991 2 года назад
Hello Namesake
@jlincoln878
@jlincoln878 2 года назад
Lol
@becallan3458
@becallan3458 5 лет назад
This has resonated on so many levels with me. I have been and am guilty of some of these in my relationship but also supports things I’ve been longing for and wanting.
@LifeHacks_Central
@LifeHacks_Central Год назад
Wow, just wow. This video by Susan, a social worker and couples counselor, is hands down one of the most insightful and practical resources I've come across. In just a few minutes, she breaks down the key ingredients that make a relationship happy and fulfilling. And the best part? She offers three simple tools that anyone can use to make their relationship stronger and more resilient. I highly recommend this video to anyone who wants to improve their relationship skills. Trust me, you won't regret it!
@thawillyfish
@thawillyfish 3 года назад
Came for the hair Stayed for the talk 😌
@dominicmathew8295
@dominicmathew8295 3 года назад
When you start watching this video, you think God this has gotta be the lousiest TED talk every, this woman is reading notes. But then you realise she's giving very practical, easy to initiate step, which are well referenced. But I think this is one of the most applicable TED talks I have seen but its a shame it will not make the number just because it is not flamboyant enough. Don't look at the tumbs down, its worth a watch
@soundharyas4363
@soundharyas4363 3 года назад
My parents are in a hard place right now, they are constantly angry at each other, fight about silly things, and be disappointed in each other. They are taking zero effort to work it out. So, my elder sister, my younger brother, and I took it on our hands to solve the issue. We cannot bear this any longer. I am watching these videos to prepare myself to talk to them about it and help them understand the problem and solve it. I really hope they can work it out. They cannot have a proper conversation or understand each other. Instead, they will just lash out at each other which always ends with either one or both of them being hurt. I am going to suggest these steps and hope it will work out. The talk was really useful for preparing myself, hope it will solve the issue too. I believe that if they follow these steps, they can understand each other better.
@hudsonsmith8192
@hudsonsmith8192 3 года назад
I have always wanted to how to make the family happy and strong because my family was not settled not until I met with Dr Wilson he gave me the greatest counseling experience of my life till today me and my family are very happy and the bond we have can never be broken big thanks to him.
@hudsonsmith8192
@hudsonsmith8192 3 года назад
You can contact him on WhatsApp in case you need his help +2348143593494
@whatsupbudbud
@whatsupbudbud 2 года назад
So many people just think they're perfect as they are, not wanting to see how they're really are. My family is bonkers as well and, even though I am ready to become a better human being in my life, they don't want and so will probably just go crazy. I've tried a lot to get through but, sadly, it is what it is. Hope you got them to rekindle though.
@the.marriage.coach.youtube
@the.marriage.coach.youtube Год назад
Wishing you the best of luck! Remember though couples or parents can only work things out if they want to work on it. So perhaps ask the question first. Often others don't want to take advise either. That's why couples coaching or therapy could be the right place, because they don't give advise only guide them towards a goal. Wishing you so much luck and love!!
@user-gv3kk4ts9b
@user-gv3kk4ts9b 11 месяцев назад
Three kids is the hardest for parents, two kids are easier, four kids are easier, but not three
@susanashrealtor
@susanashrealtor 5 лет назад
One of the reasons why daytime OR nighttime soap operas and romance novels are not part of my activities. Comparing your family members to non reality is destructive to relationships.
@PianoGesang
@PianoGesang 5 лет назад
I agree, rule no. 4 turn off the TVif you want to stay happy
@PianoGesang
@PianoGesang 5 лет назад
@No Name Agree, I call it antisocial media. It has destroyed the very fabric of society.
@dawnmiller8461
@dawnmiller8461 5 лет назад
So true! If I watch something “sappy,” or a show like she was describing, I find myself getting resentful at my husband! It’s so easy to fall into compare mode, when you focus on fictional, unrealistic “relationships” on tv.
@rabiabanu1633
@rabiabanu1633 5 лет назад
I am wondering abt Korean married life I watch their dreams everyman is like superman in a marriage helping women and caring pampering and al this is in a bloody paper marriage. 🙄 HOW
@JodyYoshida
@JodyYoshida 4 года назад
"Comparison is the death of joy." - Mark Twain
@xy8116
@xy8116 5 лет назад
Great ! Love her way how she shows what common Problems are
@dorcasderose4485
@dorcasderose4485 3 года назад
I agree with the 3 points exactly and that some relationships need to die (ones founded on with lies/deception/abuse) if you do nothing nothing will change that’s guaranteed. Try these tips and I’m sure if it has any hope it will work. Look at yourself before your partner and then realize only you can control yourself!
@drasnikov4754
@drasnikov4754 Год назад
Hi Dorcas, you look interesting to talk to...can we be friends ☺️
@auberjean6873
@auberjean6873 2 года назад
Thank you, Susan L. Adler , for giving me much to think about. This was a very positive talk and I am grateful for what you imparted.
@judedias3273
@judedias3273 5 лет назад
feeling blessed that my husband and i have a healthy relationship. we apologize when needed and talk about our feelings :)
@YanivGorali
@YanivGorali 4 года назад
Knowing how to apologize and empathize is key. Battling with a partner who's ego is on higher priority than the relationship is guaranteed to fail even with these very helpful tips.
@thepriceofmarriage7841
@thepriceofmarriage7841 Год назад
that is beautiful
@brightpage1020
@brightpage1020 4 года назад
The crazy ball - omg when my husband’s pissed off, it’s like I absorb it. He takes it out on me (even if it’s about work or the kids or whatever) and when he does that, I accidentally pass it on to our daughter, who is only 6 by snapping at her the way he snaps at me. I can’t do that to our toddler sons but I can see it rising and I hate that I do this to our kids at all, especially our daughter. She is a phenomenal kid. And I’m so proud of her and feel so blessed to have her in general. Of course, she’s 6, smart, and doing her best to constantly do whatever she wants instead of what we ask of her as parents. Lol. But I shouldn’t let that rile me up so much. I can raise the bar and treat her better and I owe it to her and owe my kids that responsibility to set a better example.
@Elizabeth_Ann_TX
@Elizabeth_Ann_TX 4 года назад
brightpage1020 I just watched the video and am reading comments and I just wanted to say I hope you and your family are doing well bc times are hard right now and do know our energy is very strong and is very fluid 💕 intend out of love and happiness always
@carlaritchie331
@carlaritchie331 2 года назад
I love the suggested response @ 7:00 and need to practice that! Instead of letting my emotions take me to the crazy level.
@GeishaMika
@GeishaMika 3 дня назад
"Blame Game" is a clear sign of insecurity, selfishness, lack of self-awareness, or/and no desire for self-improvement which leads to long term bad relationships.
@JJCOCHRAN77
@JJCOCHRAN77 Год назад
I needed to across this video. I was ready to file for divorce from a man who loves me dearly because I'm mad about life and taking it out him. Thank you for making me see. I need to make changes. And quit demanding him too.
@arianaalvarez6579
@arianaalvarez6579 9 месяцев назад
I separated from me so for 1 year. When we talked about reuniting I told him what I needed from him. Every so often I have to remind him because he is a normal man. I see all his effort and when I'm stressed he helps me calm down. He has also opened up to me when he is stressed and I help as much as I can. We have been back together for 2 years and we are happy.
@pavitrashanbhag8338
@pavitrashanbhag8338 3 года назад
Extraordinary presentation. Every word you have spoken is so insightful, meaningful and helpful. Thank you for this amazing talk.
@ravipeiris4388
@ravipeiris4388 5 лет назад
Good upload. I shared this with my new relationship as we want to build a foundation of friendship first. I'm thinking of beginning therapy with her moving forward before problems can come up and become resolved. Still, having said that, my girlfriend and I have set up ground rules on how we communicate with one another (i.e. not shouting, not throwing things, having time away from one another to process how we feel, resolving things and not bringing it up again in the future, weaponizing things said in regular conversation and using it against your partner, etc.).
@FABIOLINDOCC
@FABIOLINDOCC 5 лет назад
Simple and basic stuff that make a difference. Awesome talk. Loved it
@papyruspapyrus4208
@papyruspapyrus4208 Год назад
Anything but anger!!! YES, raise the bar - catch your honey pie in their moments of frustration and offer a cushion, YES" I would love it if... positive statements that bear no threat" YES. Susan, the use of acronyms and visuals is brilliant. Keeps all simple and compact to retain.
@GeishaMika
@GeishaMika 3 дня назад
Yes, "Blame Game" is one of the worst things in relationship. Those who do that have one blind spot: to blame on the other party without looking at your own faults actually brings badness to your life (emotionally & practically) in many different ways.
@PianoGesang
@PianoGesang 5 лет назад
These rules are so simple and easy, it is a shame we need this lady's advice. The final applause and the comment section do not contradict but prove this assessment.
@-wanza-zembe-8127
@-wanza-zembe-8127 3 года назад
You have to be a certain level of maturity to follow up with these steps.
@asmaeamhiou1033
@asmaeamhiou1033 2 года назад
So truuuue
@nikitag421
@nikitag421 4 года назад
Simply awesome, people like you help survive relationships
@PinkYellowGreen2023
@PinkYellowGreen2023 10 месяцев назад
So positive! Such a necessary message for people want to move beyond the belief that all relationships and marriages are toxic or bad!!
@mrrobertwolfiii726
@mrrobertwolfiii726 2 года назад
Thanks for the Colorado Montrose marriage counseling and professional life counseling session with the family room marriage counselor. And better health with family.
@ImAllisonWonderland
@ImAllisonWonderland 2 года назад
Disclaimer: Not applicable for narcissistic partner
@talent_can5770
@talent_can5770 2 года назад
🔊 Louder!!!
@TheSearchers1000
@TheSearchers1000 2 года назад
Amen, sister. I just ended a 2 year relationship. She is a textbook example of NPD. I just can't get over how long I allowed myself to live in denial. But after the 6th blowup, I said "Enough!". And I feel so much more powerful now. I knew I was always stronger than her pathology. And today I am MUCH healthier for moving on. The pain will slowly subside and I will once again be in my happy place.
@JesseJames-ig7gu
@JesseJames-ig7gu 2 года назад
🙌
@fulfillmenttheory
@fulfillmenttheory 8 месяцев назад
Disclaimer: Be careful not to claim your partner is a narcissist (who only make up about .5 to 5% of the population) if you aren't sure. Could they be one? Yes, but it's far more likely that you're in a relationship with a normal person who just needs to do some work on themselves. Be cautious not to slap unfixable labels on your relationships to subconsciously create an excuse to not work on them.
@TheNyakaat
@TheNyakaat 8 месяцев назад
Except that sometimes the actual narcissist is the one calling the other person a narcissist.
@standingupforwomen71
@standingupforwomen71 5 лет назад
An amazing set of goals to Implement. Posting these on my fridge.
@alvinzady764
@alvinzady764 4 года назад
you're right my dear,I'm a single man a divorcee,i got divorced two years ago,my wife got pregnant for my friend which was heart broken,it took me months to regain back my self and moved own to continue my life,to be sincere you are the kind of woman i want in my life as a wife,you are so beautiful,we can keep in touch by knowing our self more...
@ZorbaPress
@ZorbaPress 5 лет назад
Great advice, and easy to do -- thank you very much.
@thesetruths1404
@thesetruths1404 5 лет назад
She's a good therapist! Many mean very well but in actual couples therapy sessions they allow too much back and forth meanness to go on and on. If yours allows that and won't change their mediation style then change therapists!
@vanessanorimi2321
@vanessanorimi2321 5 лет назад
I certainly empathise with this wise elder for having her notes with her- being filmed, in front of an audience are a recipe for forgetting your lines! I’m also on the other side of 40 and my memory isn’t that great- this shouldn’t stop us from imparting our wisdom!
@paular5840
@paular5840 2 года назад
Every relationship shouldn't survive. Thank you, a good piece of advice!
@naturedump6548
@naturedump6548 Год назад
great advice. I would love it if you made more videos❤ nothing wrong with learning uncomfortable things
@17topaz
@17topaz 2 года назад
Great advice !! Thank you for this talk .
@sherrim4067
@sherrim4067 5 лет назад
Great advice thanks you.
@luciplays9313
@luciplays9313 2 года назад
This is very motivational for me, especially right now, my fiance and I are having a really bad time together but I truly love her to the absolute maximum ❤, like this if you love your companion.
@juanpablovidal1430
@juanpablovidal1430 2 года назад
Thank you, your words are so helpful ❤️
@kikiandco1899
@kikiandco1899 5 лет назад
Impressive and so true. That is what he has been asking me for years😃. I am so bad at it.
@hilarytoussaint3359
@hilarytoussaint3359 10 месяцев назад
❤❤❤ creativity is that dynamic mindset in which the individual refuses to settle for a stalemate🎉🎉🎉
@hilariohuizar
@hilariohuizar Год назад
Glad to hear we are on the right track.
@shravansuthar5124
@shravansuthar5124 Год назад
Thank you Susan for the excellent advice.
@builtart
@builtart 5 лет назад
Thank you
@rosequartz4102
@rosequartz4102 3 года назад
We've been engaged for 2.5 years and absolutely need counseling but can't afford it. I hope this will help! I'm going to play it while we put together cubbies for the kitchen.
@drasnikov4754
@drasnikov4754 Год назад
Hi Rose,how are you.... You look interesting to talk to... Can we be friends if you wouldn't mind
@FeonaLeeJones
@FeonaLeeJones 4 года назад
This was like taking a vitamin for my relationship space ❤️
@alvinzady764
@alvinzady764 4 года назад
you're right my dear,I'm a single man a divorcee,i got divorced two years ago,my wife got pregnant for my friend which was heart broken,it took me months to regain back my self and moved own to continue my life,to be sincere you are the kind of woman i want in my life as a wife,you are so beautiful,we can keep in touch by knowing our self more...
@GREG62944
@GREG62944 2 года назад
I'm trying to become a romance song writer. As I change my lyrics I hope you find a song you like.
@drasnikov4754
@drasnikov4754 Год назад
Hi Feona. You look interesting to talk to... Can we be friends if you wouldn't mind
@nik57nik57
@nik57nik57 5 лет назад
Step number 4, send that video to your partner.
@chevalierjd
@chevalierjd 5 лет назад
Step number 4.5, get ready for your partner to tell you that you are being too sensitive and to shut up.
@Alphacentauri819
@Alphacentauri819 5 лет назад
chevalierjld step 5... I’m sorry that’s the type of person you are with. Someone who says you’re too sensitive is judging whether your feelings are valid are not...that’s not supportive. While they maybe can’t see why you feel the way you do...the kind thing would be for them to ask you to tell them more, asking questions and validating your feelings. If they don’t, maybe move on to someone who will? They also might not be able to get through hurt from you, that you don’t see...it happens that we hurt and alienate without knowing sometimes. Dr Gottman has good tips too. Blessings...may you have the relationship you desire 🌸
@zlatabidelspacher9430
@zlatabidelspacher9430 4 года назад
My husband and I just watched it together and he really liked it. Its right to the point and has a good practical advice. Love always wins! :)
@dougtinaymker8391
@dougtinaymker8391 4 года назад
My very thought!
@dougtinaymker8391
@dougtinaymker8391 4 года назад
@@chevalierjd Haha! :)
@amybostic1439
@amybostic1439 2 года назад
The way I ended up with this video as a suggestion was interesting, but I needed this video today more than I can express!!! Thank you so much
@asiriusshift4526
@asiriusshift4526 4 года назад
Really good tips... words are powerful!
@Vymart
@Vymart 2 года назад
This is so insightful. Thank you for sharing
@oliviawhitney7022
@oliviawhitney7022 5 лет назад
Great and helpful!!
@ayshaiqbalhaneef3112
@ayshaiqbalhaneef3112 4 года назад
Very good points. Exactly, what we do and by God's grace, it works. This works, when both realise, they need to support eachother and not when one realise i need to make up. And then, other thinks oh she/he is guilty, so it was her/his behaviour that spoils it all.
@life-is-here
@life-is-here Год назад
This video provides a great insight into how we can be better partners and take responsibility for our actions. It's a powerful reminder of how we can all be better people!
@bhpgaming2739
@bhpgaming2739 3 года назад
Thank you so much, I am going through AXACTLY what yu ate talking abut. That's really going to help us out. 😊😊
@johnmayer1283
@johnmayer1283 3 года назад
You will need his assistance @WhatsApp +2348036239038
@anzeranz
@anzeranz Год назад
Great points. Thanks a lot 😊
@beatrixsullivan7086
@beatrixsullivan7086 Год назад
Thanks! Very helpful.
@davidschilling5983
@davidschilling5983 4 года назад
Nice presentation Susan, solid information old friend.
@MrAnastacia1978
@MrAnastacia1978 5 лет назад
Excellent performance, loved the tips.
@lindseyb1445
@lindseyb1445 5 лет назад
This was awesome.
@alvinzady764
@alvinzady764 4 года назад
you're right my dear,I'm a single man a divorcee,i got divorced two years ago,my wife got pregnant for my friend which was heart broken,it took me months to regain back my self and moved own to continue my life,to be sincere you are the kind of woman i want in my life as a wife,you are so beautiful,we can keep in touch by knowing our self more...
@DeCamJ
@DeCamJ 5 лет назад
This is a good one. Thank you!
@mileyrocks852
@mileyrocks852 Год назад
Thank you, this is really helping me a lot
@lisaratley4858
@lisaratley4858 3 года назад
This is good for relationships unless you’re married to a person with true narcissism. I’ve experienced this with my Ex.... if not careful, marriage counseling is dangerous for the victim of a narcissist b/c the victim is trying to fix the relationship while the narc uses it as another tool to hurt the victim.
@susanbigknife
@susanbigknife 3 года назад
I like that she says not all marriages are salvageable. Some counselors refuse to let you consider that option and I think it makes it worse.
@whatsupbudbud
@whatsupbudbud 2 года назад
A good therapist should be able to spot a narcissist or a psychopath easily. I have fell for a couple of these crazies but it's so obvious from a distance to those around me.
@drasnikov4754
@drasnikov4754 Год назад
Hi Barbara... You look interesting to talk to... can we be friends if you wouldn't mind
@FlorBunbury
@FlorBunbury 3 года назад
That was amazing everything made sense, thank you🙂🌸
@yourhealthmatters8676
@yourhealthmatters8676 4 года назад
After all, RESPECT is everything 👏👏👍👍😍😇
@erincostante8694
@erincostante8694 8 месяцев назад
This was a game changer. Thank you!!
@alkasoli4002
@alkasoli4002 Год назад
I strongly believe an open letter between couples solve many misunderstandings
@r0xjo0
@r0xjo0 Год назад
The "I would love it if..." statements just simply aren't that easy. Often we aren't really concerned so much with the other person being "willing" to do something we wanted them to do, we want them to "want to" do said thing. Saying "I would love it if you...", and them doing it from a sense of obligation, fixes nothing. Often times we want to be loved enough that others will want to...
@josephlovely7759
@josephlovely7759 Год назад
How would one know if you we don't express our expectations and wishes? Nobody wants or likes the same thing
@choidentamang9825
@choidentamang9825 2 года назад
Thank you it was beautiful It will definitely help me in my relationship
@hooky84
@hooky84 Год назад
An excellent video. Must watch!
@vernlove3067
@vernlove3067 Год назад
Awesome.. Thank you..
@sahgodlovekwaese4421
@sahgodlovekwaese4421 Год назад
Thanks very much
@terencewright1577
@terencewright1577 Год назад
Love this, thanks 😍
@dyh914
@dyh914 Год назад
I really really needed this, my marriage is an exact replica of this situation. Thank You Susan!
@drasnikov4754
@drasnikov4754 Год назад
Hi, how are you... You look interesting to talk to...can we be friends ☺️
@magretbryan4472
@magretbryan4472 Год назад
*90SpyTron* can really be of help to you
@magretbryan4472
@magretbryan4472 Год назад
Check him on instagram
@leylandgayle209
@leylandgayle209 3 месяца назад
Beautiful this is real genuine stuff thank you 🙏🏿
@EdG-rn7dk
@EdG-rn7dk 2 месяца назад
Second step Taking the positive approach. Works fantatuc. Show empathy and how can I help?
@shelleycharlesworth5177
@shelleycharlesworth5177 5 месяцев назад
I tell couples that my definition of love is when the needs/well being of your partner rise to the level of your needs/well being and you would not do anything to intentionally hurt them.
@oraevalibby1890
@oraevalibby1890 4 года назад
very helpful 👏
@tyoisme
@tyoisme Год назад
3 CARA MEMBUAT HUBUNGANMU SEHAT Dalam sebuah hubungan, sebagian besar kita, memikul beban kemarahan, kebencian, dan dendam, bahkan terhadap pasangan sendiri. Kian besar beban itu, kian mungkin kita merasa menjadi seorang korban dalam suatu hubungan. Konsekuensinya sangat familiar: kita menjadi lawan dalam sebuah perang yang tak akan pernah melahirkan pemenang. Perasaan menjadi korban dalam sebuah hubungan sulit untuk didamaikan. Sebab sulit untuk merevisi narasi dalam kepala kita dan mengakui kalau kau bagian dari suatu masalah. Kian tinggi stress seseorang, kian tidak bahagia ia dalam hubungan. Karena itu kita butuh 3 hal: 1. Apapun selain kemarahan 2. Menetapkan standa lebih tinggi dari sebelumnya 3. Ucapkan kalimat “Aku akan senang kalau …” Amarah laksana bodyguard emosional dari rasa sakit. Rasa sakit adalah perasaan yang terlampau suli tuntuk ditanggung. Kesakitan, terutama kesakitan erosional, membuat kita menjadi rentan, menjadi tidak berdaya. Tak ada satupun yang ingin menjadi tidak berdaya. Ketika amarah bekerja. De javu akan muncul berkali-kali di tengah sengit argumentasi. Lantas bagaimana? Kapanpun pasanganmu membuat kau sedih, ketimbang berkata dengan ofensif lebih berkata “aku merasa sedih” atau “aku merasa terluka” atau “aku merasa kecewa”. Dengan begitu peluang konversasi meningkat dan perdebatan menurun. Yang kedua, tingkatkan standar. Tatkala pasangan Anda marah, tantanglah diri sendiri untuk bertanya: “Apa yang bisa aku bantu?” Bersikaplah helpful, sabar, peduli, berwelas asih, berbaik hati. Seumpama: “Aku minta maaf karena kau marah, apa yang mengusik hatimu sangat penting bagiku.” Ini lebih penting daripada bilang: “Setang apa yang merasuki dirimu?” Kalimat kedua ini, hanya bikin bungkal alih-alih solutif. Ketiga, gunakanlah kalimat “aku akan senang kalau kau …” Ketimbang bilang “Kau tidak ada waktu buatku” lebih baik katkaan “Aku akan sangat senang bila kau meluangkan waktu denganku malam ini.” @tyologi
@payelsengupta4271
@payelsengupta4271 5 лет назад
Loved it
@readerreader9380
@readerreader9380 2 года назад
Thanks for ted it is amazing
@forestren1525
@forestren1525 2 месяца назад
中文总结以及我的理解: 1. 保持平静,但你不开心的时候,坐下深呼吸,想一想到底发生了什么,暂停系统一,启动系统二 2. 对自己要求多一点,当伴侣今天不愉快的时候,试图理解并提供帮助,避免两个人同时心情糟糕 3. 通过表述心愿的方式影响对方
@shasonm6695
@shasonm6695 3 года назад
Love it!!!
@maggiejenkins7794
@maggiejenkins7794 2 года назад
So true, Mark.
@VALangel104
@VALangel104 Год назад
When she said, “not every relationship should survive” I was like, “oh wow, she went there.” 😅
@doobydude420
@doobydude420 4 года назад
I really loved this video. My fiance has borderline personality disorder, which after 3.5yrs together is wearing me down, I'm way past my breaking point. And what she said about what ruby said she did, is exactly what I've been trying to get from her. But always turns into a fight and it's always my fault. And sometimes it is. But absolutely not ALWAYS. And what she said at the end before showing jeff and ruby old together made me tear up, because this is EXACTLY what I've been trying to get from my partner.
@doobydude420
@doobydude420 3 года назад
@Euphora eup yeah I have really begun to notice this unfortunately. It is taking a toll on my mental health. Friends say I've changed. Used to be so much happier before her. She treats anyone better than me
@JenniferSmith-ho3im
@JenniferSmith-ho3im 3 года назад
How are you doing doobydude?
@whatsupbudbud
@whatsupbudbud 2 года назад
Decide on a boundary - how much is too much for you? And stick to it. It will hurt to separate if push comes to shove but alas, as the lady in the video said, some relationships should not be.
@ellecarmody4027
@ellecarmody4027 4 года назад
She looks like Susan from friends! ❤️
@angebrowne1730
@angebrowne1730 3 года назад
The best advice I can think of that I wish i'd thought of when young is to take an accredited basic psychology course. It will help you to understand yourself and what YOU need first, and also help you pick out those who are putting on an act - which most men and women do at first, and some can keep it up until after marriage a couple of years along the line. Still, there will be tells and a basic psychology course will help you spot important things you might otherwise not notice or may dismiss. It will also help you in many other areas of your life.
@JesseJames-ig7gu
@JesseJames-ig7gu 2 года назад
I concur 🙇‍♂️
@AdamWestish
@AdamWestish 2 года назад
Thank you very much I have been thinking of doing this and I just might now because of your comment 😀
@kerwinfernandes9583
@kerwinfernandes9583 2 года назад
Thanks for these steps, God bless! :)
@emilyhowe3359
@emilyhowe3359 3 года назад
After five years of marriage i found out the one thing that makes marriage difficult is financial struggle, its not like my husband and i aren’t making money it’s just we barely have time for each other and there’s no amusement or new event it’s just work and the kids and that was fine but i wanted more..then i heard of a financial advisor on the radio who basically makes money for me and right now i have close to 100grand with her in my portfolio. now we pay for our vacation without breaking a sweat or losing sleep
@feliciasherbert989
@feliciasherbert989 3 года назад
wow impressive, if she is a woman i would like to get to her
@vanhall9513
@vanhall9513 3 года назад
i was literally just worried about the exact same thing. may i know your FA please it’s urgent?
@emilyhowe3359
@emilyhowe3359 3 года назад
@@vanhall9513 sure i get it hun. her name is Lucy Maria Koss, i googled her and reached out to her from her website. Goodluck with your wedding hun!
@robthom09
@robthom09 3 года назад
Glad you brought this up. I am older now. I like these cutesy videos, but the reality for myself and Everyone I have known is the family mechanics, and coping skills. It is nice to talk about feelings to enrich a relationship, but most problems I have seen are family mechanics that continuously erode a relationship. Sometimes the partner doesn't even know that they are doing it, nor how to change. I think there needs to be a alternative type of marriage counseling, addressing the family mechanics, finances, skills for compromise, fairness in decisions. Sometimes need a neutral third party evaluating the family situations, but when I have tried marital counseling, they don't want to do this. They seem exhausted and say "Ok, what is the real issue". Granted there may be deep rooted issues causing some of those problems, but if people are focused on improving their relationship, they sometimes need guidance on the mechanics of their lives.
@testcyberbacker341
@testcyberbacker341 Год назад
I love this video!
@jessicaaguirre1229
@jessicaaguirre1229 4 года назад
Had I know all these techniques maybe I could have saved, my 5 year relationship.
@JaszyLiveTv
@JaszyLiveTv 4 года назад
I'm 27 and I just had the worse fight with my kids dad . We argue & fight like cats and dogs. We have 3 beautiful kids and I'll do whatever it takes to save my family.. maybe I should watch this .
@cartrunk_420
@cartrunk_420 4 года назад
I feel you 💯 I wasn't the best man I could be with my fiance it was a combination of outside and inside variables I was so stubborn and didn't think about what she felt
@Dan-sm3ov
@Dan-sm3ov 3 года назад
I've been with my first girlfriend for 7 years and she just broke up with me and i was really devastated
@ogungbemioluwadamilola3925
@ogungbemioluwadamilola3925 3 года назад
I was able to hack my husband’s phone messages and calls with the help of RYANSROOM617 on instagram or Call him to help you if you need Any hacking job ‪+1 (303) 219‑8042
@Toxic.Bibles
@Toxic.Bibles 3 года назад
Not worth trying to save something that's already gone.
@HereIsANewGuest
@HereIsANewGuest Год назад
Interesting, even if it’s not really couple advice, it can be used with any relationship, even friendship, parentschildren, or with collleagues. 1.Anything but anger 2.Raising the bar 3.I would love it if...
@JesseNickelltheFourth
@JesseNickelltheFourth 6 месяцев назад
So good!
@alejandracastaneda2954
@alejandracastaneda2954 3 года назад
Not in a relationship but helping with my parents 😜
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