No Sex Marriage - Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame | Maureen McGrath | TEDxStanleyPark 

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone" - Robin Williams

I once asked a 94 year old woman if she was lonely living alone - she said - there are a lot worse things than living alone - and one of them is living with a person you don't like.

"Men in a sexless marriage cheat to remain in that marriage, Women cheat to get out of it". Profound.

Been married 19 years and we still do it 3-4x a week. I can’t get enough of my husband. Ever. Give it to me every day. Love it.

Being with someone that makes you feel alone, is worse than actually being alone.

There is no more lonely feeling in the world than being needed for what you can provide and being unwanted for who you are.

Not always the women. My ex was always tired, busy, "not tonight" ,etc ... as a woman I was embarrassed to talk about this for years because I thought. When I finally discussed it with friends, I discovered many of my girlfriends were experiencing the same thing. It's not always just the women.

I'm so broken and depressed. This is my marriage for 4 years now. We're two ships passing in the night most days. Most words out of her mouth directed towards me are critical. She loves our children at least. To all the husbands out there going through this but wanting to hold on, you're not alone, even though regularly you may feel like it...

Better to be single wishing you were married than married wishing you were single - just my two cents.

It’s destructive. Single life is better than the feeling of being unwanted and neglected.

If you're getting nowhere with your partner, and you are just over it, tell them. Propose parting ways. If they want to make it work, agree on a schedule, and honor it. If they can't change, don't look back. Happiness is out there. You aren't getting any younger.

Better than most comedians out there. Perfectly elegant in her delivery with a touch of cheek. She’s an excellent speaker.

Q: what’s worst then sleeping alone in your bed? A: laying next to someone in bed and have no physical interaction at all.

I am leaving a 17-year sexless marriage because she just 'did not have time for it'. She worked a part-time job at 15 hours a week but seemed to be busy quite often and 'fall asleep' when I would come to bed. I gave 100% into the marriage and she put 0% into the marriage, concentrating on what she wanted instead of our relationship. She is still angry I filed for divorce. I am past caring. It is time to find someone who will love me and not just use my resources.

Connected to the internet! Honestly, the number of times I’ve seen couples in a restaurant together yet glued to their smart phones.. leaves me glad to be married to myself. And actually I’m taking myself on another extended honeymoon. I’m finally a happily married man.

Affection Deprivation. I was never loved. Now I'm 34, lonely and very very depressed. When NOBODY touches you and doesn't WANT to touch you, you feel unlovable.

After 39 years of marriage, I find myself to have a strong desire for my wife. I find her far more interesting at 58 than I found her to be at 19 when we first met. At times it is a struggle to connect just due to so many things going on, but it is all about the commitment. As the husband, I cook, clean, shop and take care of the house. The fact that my wife is not exhausted all the time really helps. In the long run it is a partnership with give and take.

All of it is true. Ending up in a sexless marriage is very lonely. Falling so in love, having a healthy relationship in the beginning and then nothing as time goes on can make a person fall into a depression. Marriage without passion is an empty place to be.

This happens to women too. I'm in a sexless marriage, the amount of pain and rejection is unbearable. I thought things would get better, it's been 10 years. 😥

There’s virtually no intimacy in my marriage, my wife had shown no interest for years on end. Then out of the blue she initiated physical intimacy. But now I cannot be intimate with her. I no longer associate her with physical intimacy. After years of rejection that part of me that found her desirable has died. When I could no longer perform, she got angry at me and accused me of not loving her, I still love her very deeply and need her in my life, but I felt miserable most of the time and started drinking. I’m a happy drunk, but I know it’s not the way to cope and have stopped drinking. I’m still miserable most and just waiting for life to end. It so hard to explain anything to a woman.

When you’re in love, wonders happens. When you get married, you start wondering what happened.

I never knew what loneliness is till I got married.

I've been married for 17 years. We had our kid 5 years later. Long story short, I've been lonely in my marriage for the last 12 years. I'm a great, compassionate guy and a devoted father. I have absolutely no issues with E.D. whatsoever... I mean what I'm a doing wrong here...? Up untill seeing this video, I thought our situation was unique and outside the realm of normalcy... This was a real eye-opening story.

This is the kind of talk that husbands everywhere will say "I wish my wife would hear this." and then resign themselves to knowing she never will. Or want to.

WOW, Maureen! You described my marriage to perfection. I did all the cooking and housework and child care (6 kids) PLUS worked 50 hours a week. But any time I wanted "time" with her, she was "too tired," "too busy with something." or just "not interested." And then after 11 years SHE left me, saying I never did anything with/for her! To top it off, the day after the divorce was finalized by the court, she married the guy she'd been seeing the whole time. Sexless marriage? More a thoughtless, uncaring marriage, I would say.

A lot of people get married because of lust not love. They basically confuse the two. Once the lust runs out so does the marriage.

I am 72 years old and learned more from this video than I knew. Thank you.

I stayed at home to look after our twins from the day they were born until they started school. The house was always clean and tiday and dinner was always cooked. It was me who put the kids to bed most nights. I couldn't have done more while my wife worked as a school teacher. Still wasn't enough. We separated. Not only could I not give any more, I now feel like I can't love another woman. She met someone on a dating site within two years, I've remained single with joint custody of our children, for almost 5 years. Too broken to love again!

I have been married to my wife for twenty eight years. She is gorgeous and I am still crazy about her. I can't say why we have got along so well. We just always do. I think she is the most gorgeous woman in the world. We get along very well in every aspect. I wish the same for everyone

When you hear "No" too often, you tend to stop asking, even if you're as helpful as you can be.

👏👏👏👏👏 love how so honest and truthful You simplify these matters for us to understand.thank you for presenting these issues in a world where people are lost for answers.

When I got married, I agreed to fidelity, not celibacy.

This reminds me of something I read in a Dear Abby column years ago: "It's better to be alone than to wish you were."

My ex wife practiced “social distancing “ for years.

Timeless talk that holds up 7 years later! Great stuff, and so true.

I love that you share your vast experience so generously in service of humanity. Your sense of humour is fabulous

I lost my virginity at 18...and I found it again when I got married

Sometimes i get more knowledge in comment section than the video itself.

I live alone now but I am not lonely. When I slept next to my wife who had no interest I felt terribly lonely.

Was married for over 20 years- after moving 1,000 miles to her ailing parents' hometown and making great sacrifices to help her help them in every way I could, it became too much and she had no energy for 'us' anymore: after her mother, her father, our child, and her troubles with family. What was supposed to be a temporary situation turned into decades of living in a location that was a slow death for my career. Lost the house where we moved from, and struggled financially the whole time.. Be very careful about how much you put into any relationship- there can come a point where it can become ruinous. She then took 'revenge' by distancing herself from me physically, and chasing every old boyfriend she could find. I am free of this, at last.

Sooner or later you just get tired of begging for attention .

Better to be happy alone than to be married and miserable

When is the last time you saw someone give an hour long talk/ speech from memory? She is clearly an accomplished speaker, this was enjoyable to watch for that reason alone, says so much about the world we live in, where real skills are scarce.

If you are have repressed trauma from childhood you will put up with anything rather than face your own internal pain. Of course this is not a conscious decision. You will not know any difference. This applies to many.

The poor want to be rich...The rich want to be happy...The single want to be married...and the married want to be dead: Ann Landers

I'm watching this and I'm not even married, lol

It can be so lonely when you get rejected constantly.

Am convinced beyond any doubt that this is one of the best speech I have heard so far. Thank you Maureen for making it so short ,sweet and funny 😄. I want more of this sort please. Can you direct me to the well there of

"You are more likely to die from loneliness than from alcoholism or excessive eating." Wow.

I have been divorced 40 years. I often dream of some one to love. Then I wake up and remember how happy I am.

What an awesome episode. I’m about to go find the one(s) before, and look forward to the coming ones with this guest. Thank you!

I tried talking about this with my wife (we’re Latino) it did not go so well haha, but we’ll get through it. Thanks for having this conversation, I think it’s really important. - Man on the couch

I would show my wife this but she will not take the 20 min off Facebook to watch it.

Alone is the worst when you are married

The most painful thing is to live with someone who you can't communicate or you are not enjoyed with

"Better to be single and lonely than married and miserable".

I'm 56 years old. Been divorced for over 12 years. After this TED talk, I'm glad I'm single and don't have to deal with the stresses of a sexless marriage!

"Only about 7% of married couples set the sheets ablaze." That hit deep, its powerful...

Wow....couples make love 58 times a year? That would be my definition of heaven at this point 🤣🤣

Well done …great speech and I love that she was promoting marriage …🙏🏾

My grandmother was from the old country she used to say the day after you marry someone you wake up with someone else.

I’m 21 years married. There are sometimes bumps in the road, kids, work, fatigue etc. but its still like our honeymoon when we do bond together

Love this!! So enlightening. Puts so much into perspective.

'You are more likely to die from loneliness than from obesity and excessive alcohol consumption'. Great statement.

Being married for 25 years I can pass on this chunk of wisdom. Two people working together as a team can bring rewards beyond explanation. Give each other space to be individuals.

I should play the content of this video three times a day to my roommate, sorry I mean my wife!!!!!

Superb! What a joy to absorb her intellect and words of wisdom.

Thank you for this conference!!!

I wear underpants in the shower because it’s wrong to look down on the unemployed.

16:45 The idea that men cheat to stay in a marriage and women cheat to leave one is really profound and I don’t think we talk enough about it.

Rather be happily alone than miserable with the wrong person.

My husband has no interest. Theres been absolutely nothing for over 4 months and in that time it was my birthday and our anniversary (decided to just say nothing and see how long it would be before he mentioned anything, well 4 months and nothing)and before that i was lucky to get it once ever 6-8 weeks. Over the past few years, 99% of the time it was me who initiated it. Some times he'd say he was tired, wait till tomorrow night etc. Once he asked and i said not tonight and he was visibly shocked as i never said no before. I joked and said "refusal often offends, doesn't it?" i only said no because i wanted to see his reaction. I'm beyond frustrated at this stage and feel lonely while lying beside my husband every night. I have zero interest in going to be with anyone else and i wouldn't mind but he even says I'm unreal, that i do things that blow his mind and he doesnt know how i do it but still nothing 😢 i know it has to be my fault though. He was away last night and was going to text to say i wanted it but decided not to cause probably wouldn't happen anyway and honestly i could have cried.

Couldn’t live like that - I’m 52 and my wife is 57 (still attractive and has a good body) been married for 27 years and are at it like rabbits, she bangs like a barn door in a storm. We can’t get enough of each other- love her to bits and it gets better every time. She’s amazing and my best friend and a great cook too. I couldn’t stay in a sexless marriage - no way!

Dont be in a failed marriage. Don't punish yourself for the other person's incompatibility ! YOU OWN YOUR OWN HAPPINESS !

Amazing Maureen, you nailed this subject.

Very inspiring and interesting speech. You raise a topic undermining many couples I know, if not all after 7-8 years of mariage…

Sexless marriage sounds like cellmates, not soulmates.

I was celibate for five years, then I got divorced.

What a great talk! I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Instead of the video, I'm reading The comments :D

This was my problem!!!!!! "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone"

After 25 years with the same person I have to say that it takes two people working to get what both want. I still look at my wife with the love and lust I had in my twenties but it’s completely wasted. We talk about why things are this way every three months for years. She will not be intellectually honest about her feelings. She shows no passion. She does nothing to create romance or intimacy. We’re roommates raising kids. It breeds so much resentment. She’s preventing me from being fulfilled. While I beg her to tell me what she’s missing. Half the time she wants time alone. Some times I just wish I was single. I love her but I wish I could have my 22 year old girlfriend back. I don’t need a roommate.

Right on Maureen, good show, perfect way to explain the problem.

"Life's greatest desire is to LOVE and be LOVED" - Hesiod (750 BC)

I hate how much of this is true in my life.

WHAT??? This is all shocking to me. Married since I was 19 to the same man for 40 years. Things have been rockin' and rollin' all this time and especially those early years. Literally, I had NO idea this was a problem for so many couples.

Que aula Magna, foi um excelente aprendizado.

Shout out to my wife of 38 years. She loves me and takes care of me always. Feeling grateful 😍

the 3 rings of marriage - the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering!

Great talk. Informative and entertaining!

The last line was most wonderful!

Being told to "Sort yourself out, it is only friction" week after week, month after month really riled me. So much for the warmth, closeness and connection of a intimate relationship. The result was animosity, emptiness and the complete loss of self worth.

I once was the happiest man in the world. Overnight, she changed. Now, I the loneliest. My right hand is now my wife.

I enjoyed her lecture and will definitely share it with others. Thank you

I’m so lonely and depressed in my marriage. At this point, it’s my faith and God’s grace only that’s kept me sane.

Trust me, this isnt just a mans problem, there are women out there turning purple out of frustration because their men arent interested

I am married and absolutely happy and satisfied in every sense of the word. The bottom line is, be with someone who you are compatible with. Stop looking for someone you are not.

Great talk .. sad but true .. totally spot on

I'm 62 and never got married. No regrets.

Amazing talk. Women also feel the rejection in a relationship. Nobody should stay in a sexless, loveless relationship 🥰🥰