What did it take for Abel to push past his grief and open his heart to Julianna? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2/
My wife past away 19 months a go i really miss the close intemcy we had . we talked out our issues the last 6 years before she past . i put all my energe in taking care of her she had M S . i was there for everything she lasted 14 years
Thank you for your videos, I’m going on first date with second widower. First one wasn’t ready. I like the second one but I am concerned about all the things you talk about. Watching your video is helping me be informed.
Im a two time widower. I dont really agree with anything youve said in this video. Not all widowers just want sex. Some of is are just lonely and want a nice dinner, or going out to a movie, etc. ive had the opposite experience where women want to move in on a recent widower and “claim him”. Absolutely not what all widowers want.
Sex is an essential component of a healthy marriage. Letting the widower know your standards is a good thing, but I think there's a happy medium on the timing of sex. Few people will buy a car without a test drive, and few men will consider marriage when this critical aspect of the relationship remains unknown. So... Don't wait too long for that. As for the bed or photos of the deceased wife, they really DO need to be gone before you ever see the bedroom.
@@heatherschaffer9406 - Please understand that I've taken the time to respond because I care. I will speak plainly to you in the sincere hope that my words will help you see the situation from a new perspective. Your angry comment speaks volumes about how your attitude in conflict resolution could have been a contributor to multiple failed marriages. I hope you can see how threatening a counterattack will not promote a healthy and robust relationship. People who truly love each other will not do this, but rather share their honest feelings and try to understand each other. This man clearly loved his late wife and she was a huge part of his life. I still think of my own late wife when I'm working alone on my hobbies, and it can bring me to tears. However, this does not mean I value my girlfriend or our growing relationship any less. She has her past too, and there's no reason to pretend we don't carry our life's memories along. Out of respect for her, I have the only photo of my late wife in with dozens of other family photos. Your guy should do something like this too, but he may not yet be ready to let go of the past to embrace the future. If you want him to do this willingly, you should first consider what he's looking for in a new relationship and give some thought to whether you think you can be that loving, giving person that he had in his late wife. If you think you can, you will understand that it will take time for these photos to come down. There's nothing wrong with sharing how these photos make you feel, but please focus on how the situation affects you and NOT on how he is somehow wrong in his actions. You can say perhaps that all those photos imply to you that he's not yet ready for a new relationship, or perhaps that there are 3 of you in the bedroom, or his wife is watching you. Be honest but try to exude love and understanding instead of making warlike threats. If I were in his shoes and you threatened to post photos of your exes, I would probably dump you. This would not be because the photos were all that important, but rather because your anger makes you hostile when you don't get your way, and no guy wants to live with that regardless of how great the sex might be. Best of luck to you in your search for fulfilling love. Exude unconditional love, not war.
Abel you talk a lot of sense. I've just finished an affair with a widowed ex boyfriend and discovered you can't go back. He's not the guy I used to know and atho I thought I might find the old one not a chance but it was worth a try! Wendy
@@RG-hf4et Actually - people do change. But when you go back to a "long-ago ex", expecting that same person you knew 20 years ago to still be the same, you are the one who will be sadly disappointed...
@@ssiegreen5292 I said MOST do not change. In a few cases, some people do, sometimes for the better & sometimes worse..... I would never want to go back to someone from 20 years ago. If they have been out of my life for 20 years, they can stay there. And where did THAT come from?!!
@@RG-hf4et Although I was replying to your remark, it was not intended to address you personally or specifically - this was a general remark about people changing or not changing - in general, not you in particular. What I meant by this is - - - 8, 10, 20, 30 or more years is a lot of time to acquire baggage - and most ppl carry more than what they can handle. Those experiences change how one looks at life, what one expects from future relationships [both positive and negative], and it carries over into how people behave and interact with others. To expect the same behavior from someone you knew a bunch of years ago, is asking for disappointment. Either they have developed and hopefully grown up some, or they picked up new and not necessarily pleasant habits and personality traits. I have life long friends from 40-45 years ago - and while we all have changed, some things have also remained the same between us - but that's because we go back a long way. The way we interact among us is different than how we would behave toward someone new, if that makes sense?
Thank you for your wise counsel. I'm not good at setting boundaries, but as an empath I'm tuned into my emotions and gut feelings. I was correct in my discernment of the situation. His home is basically a mausoleum/shrine to his wife, his kids haven't let go either and we aren't even really compatible. I gave in to the physical and had so with him, basically trashing the one boundary I set for him. As bad as I feel about myself, it dovetailed all the reasons I need to end this unhealthy relationship. Thank God, I didn't get too emotionally attached and I NEVER allowed him into my home(my safe place). I am buying the book, just in case I ever meet another widower.
I am dating a widower for about 3months. We do fun things together. He has said he loves me.But he say give him time to fall in love with me he has had very bad experiences with other women in the past and is afraid to fall in love again asking me to please give him time after losing he wife to death .😢
The guy I’m seeing turned to his wife’s sister-in-law (wife’s brother’s newly separated) wife. I just can’t get beyond their relationship. She left him after 8 months.
I met a man who wasn't widowed yet sent me a picture of him with his wife? He's divorced? I didn't continue the relationship. Immediate cut off. I'm good with boundaries.
If they are with women physically they can't take the time to get to know anyone for a long term relationship. It's become carnal, they lost the sense of true intimacy that a healthy relationship takes time to develop. Experts say forty hours...just considering and getting to know each other. Men who can't wait or use others are not long term relationship material.
Yes, it is not good to hurt a woman that way but I will say as a man it is very hard to have a good handle on your sex drive. Connection and commitment are a must. Communication and feelings are a must for a good relationship. I'm looking but haven't found someone that could fill in for my wife. Best of luck. Kevin
Most men want friends with benefits without coming out & saying it.....Few are will to commit these days. Why buy the cow.......? Hold off on sex till YOU think there is a really good connection (and I don't mean just attraction) but that still is no guarantee......
Very helpful video and 🙏🏽 thank you. At times like this in my life, I go through great wavelengths after my husband died, a year ago. My spiritual journey helped me a lot regarding death. That everything is just memories in our life. I still have the memories that my husband left behind within me. And, gladly enough to know just this weekend when those memories linger in my mind, I smiled 🙏🏽 There was no sadness anymore.My Guru is my guidance. Yet, I am still in the process of healing emotionally. I am looking forward to enter an Ashram or a community as much as possible because no matter how aware I am that emotion is just in motion, there is still loneliness in me when I am alone🙏🏽 Glad I found your channel and more power. With love and grace 🙏🏽❤️
My husband passed away 6 months ago. We never had an intimate relationship for several years. I have met a widower that lost his wife 2 yrs. ago.. Neither one of us wants marriage, I am 75, and he is 81. He wants us to have a sexually relationship. He has voiced that he and his wife had a very fulfilling sexual relationship. I think sex is between a man and his wife..what is your opinion?
I'm not ready to bed my widower I had the talk over the weekend he respect my boundaries. What if he says we can sleep at your home? He hasn't said that what if he does.? I'm horney as hell but not ready to bed him yet.
Question: Do you know of any cases where there is a healthy happy widower-mistress long term solution? Meaning he keeps his home and family life separate while supplying the woman with various kinds of help. What type of financial planning and agreement would make this compartmentalized love into something emotionally stable and provide security for her?
I don't know of any of widower-mistress relationships that have worked out long term. There's a reason he keeps the woman away from his family and as soon as she become inconvenient or a liability, he dumps her.
He, has his eyes closed a lot during sex. And, doesn't tell me he loves me and it hurts. He, told me he cares about me a lot. However, when I am sleeping he tells me he loves me, it is weird
That would be too much for me. Why isn't there a picture of you? Because he is still stuck in the past. I hope you have moved on by now if the situation didn't change.
Same exact thing happened to me. Dating 9 months and he even proposed yet the Facebook is covered with her and him and the family and it’s just too much for me. I broke it off.
@@Tbn48ibpI’m curious about his Facebook page, do you mean his still posting/commenting on old photos or just he won’t delete them? Because I certianly wouldn’t actively push photos of my late wife if I was dating someone, but I’m also not going to go through years of photos to erase any old photos of her/us/our kids, while I may not look at them, it’s a digital record of my past, I’m sure if I went back far enough there’d be high school photos of ex girlfriends and things too
I lost my wife in 1-19-2014 then after 4 years I met another woman and she moved in with me we both fell in love at first look Just like I did with my first wife. Well as bad luck hit me I lost her to death too. My wife would have been 60 and my girlfriend would have been 65 I'm almost 68 now. As much as I would love to have someone in my life I just can't do this again. The hurt is to much for me. I was married for 17.5 years when she went to heaven she took my heart with her. It took a long time to get a new heat again and just like my wife my girlfriend went to heaven.
Each stage (going on 1st date, after first kiss, after first make out session, ie) After becoming intimate with a widower, they start having feelings of guilt and take a step back. Then, after some reflection and time, it seems to be ok with them to move to the next step. How do you avoid this after first sexual intimacy? I understand that his wife will always be part of his life but it hurt me as well when he stepped back. I don't want to be heartbroken when he does this after we have sex for the first time. We have good open communication (almost daily) and have been dating for 10months. His wife passed 18months ago. He is also not ready to call me his girlfriend.
What about a guy who has a lot of pictures of his late wife on Facebook? He's pressing to get engaged to me but when I say that pictures of his late wife tagged with his name make me feel uncomfortable because I see them every time I look at his profile - he'd rather not have pictures of me on social media than take the pictures of her off.
@@DatingaWidower before we started dating. Am I being unreasonable here? Social media is a tricky topic. It's hard to explain but seeing so many pictures makes me feel like an intruder.
Many people on social media pictures are just a timeline of their lives. I can not change the past or who I was then. it doesn't mean it didn't happen. I see nothing wrong with the pictures on social media as long as are not being added as we are dating. is he adding pictures of you now? mostly we know we are dating a widower with a past. why not just embrace all of him?
I think pics on FB from before it's ok. As long as he doesn't post them again and sharing the memories. You can't erase his past. But pics from the walls in his house should be taken down and stored in the memory box. But you can't ask him to throw them out same as delete FB pics from his past. Let's be real ladies! But it's all about the healthy boundaries. Abel talked about it on video " Widowers and social media ". My W has pics on FB, but he never post anything, doesn't share the memories. Even on her date of death anniversary. There are others ways to honor her, but social media. Stay patient ladies ❤❤❤
You can't change his past, and should never try to do so!... I've seen that happen before, and it's incredibly nasty! He can still have room in his heart for you. And I saw the comment about sharing the old memories... If that's an issue for you, maybe he's not the right one for you... You'll have to get over the fact that he will not only share his heart with you, but his first wife will always have a piece of his heart!
Yeah right.. he dumped me. After 2 dates.. sent me a email. Then blocked me. I find it immature. I did him a favor.. I blocked him a sociol media. So he did me a favor. I did it for him blocked him from Twitter. Facebook. The he blocked me from Instagram. I never was on his Instagram!.. I don't want to date a widower again this is the second one. Too flakey to me.
There are flaky people everywhere. And I can't tell you how many people who have been widowed that I have heard said they were ghosted. Unfortunately, it happens on all sides! It's not just a widower issue.
I've dated a widower for almost a year. We've gone on 5 dates. After each date he get's cold feet. We had the first date cold feet and he never responded. Second date, he wanted to kiss but I did not he got upset. Third date he wanted sex after make-out session and I said no. He got upset and left. It has been 3 weeks and never wished me for Christmas or New Year. Is it over with this guy? Was he a scumbag only wanting to hit it and quit it? Ps: We talked about standards, and he respects my standards but I cannot get him to date me exclusively. He's always chasing tail, other women, complains about them and still does not commit to me.
@@franjipan23 I am new to dating so sometimes you meet these kinds of asshats. I'm always moving on, not waiting for any looser widower or no widower.
women too seek sex for sex's sake too. I'm recently widowed and I don't want a relationship but I'd like to have sexual encounters but am hesitant because I don't want the complications of attachment or someone contemplating a relationship with me. My concern is that if I put this out to a guy I'm going to come across like a callous tart.
Seems very one sided. My wife has had cancer twice. So I am looking at my future. I hope she outlast me, but chances are not good. I agree about taking down pictures, not sure on when as to not be disrespectful. I also agree about getting a new bed. I think 3 months, no more than 4 months of going out before being together. I have to have some kind of connection, to be with a person before being intimate to be able to perform. So I would not be looking for a booty call. However intimacy is my love language. If we are not being intimate I feel distant and unloved. Also I don't want to waste her or my time if we are not compatible in that area. Not a spring chicken anymore. I don't mind waiting, but not forever. As I know my worth as well.
I love your videos. I am in love w a widower that has been a widower f 6 yrs. He, only keeps 2 pictures up of her. However, my pictures are all over the house. He. Asked me to marry him. My question is when we have sex he has his eyes closed. And. It hurts me. I feel he is somewhere else sometimes. He. Told me the wife only slept w him a few times a year.
This is an interesting topic - and it's kinda caught my attention because the info is somewhat one-sided or a good bit of it is missing... I am referring to the "old bedroom, bed, bedding etc". I get it that most women would want that gone or replaced, no issue with that. What's missing is the actual widowers POV? Would he care to sleep with someone else in his marriage bed? Does he care? Would he consider that to be a violation of his deceased wife's ... whatever [ - fill in the blank]? Or is it just a convenient place to get it off and have sex? Or even a develop a new relationship in that old marriage bed? I find that very curious and this info part has definitely been missing in this video...
@@DatingaWidower Thank you for your reply - I appreciate you taking the time. So if I understood you correctly, it's just a convenient place for sex then, whether it's the old BR furniture or a new set? More to please the new lady in his life and make her comfortable, if that is what she needs? Not so much about protecting the sanctity of the previous marriage bed or violating the late wife's private space?
I married a widower he felt comfortable with a new bed and new bedroom. This was partly to help him preserve the memories of the old bed and old bedroom. The memories were also a sanctuary for his grown up children.
@@faycharles1206 Just to clarify - do you mean that you purchased a new bedroom set and use the old master bed room - or is that one still set up as it was [sanctuary for the children], and you have moved to an entirely different bedroom with a new bed. Thanks!
I am DATING a WIDOWER,,,,,i sympathized for his LOSS of his PRECIOUS WIFE of 25 years who passed from CANCER,, i have been independant and unmarried for 36 years and a single mother to 4 beautiful siblings,,,,i will not live in the HOME his WIFE and my PARTNER shared out of RESPECT to his DEAREST WIFE,,,,i feel there has to be a BRAND NEW BEGINNING to a new LIFE and FUTURE,,,,,the MEMORIES will always remain until DEATH,,,as long as there is HAPPINESS and RESPECT the new life shall SURVIVE,,,AMEN 🙏🙏🙏🙏
The widower I dated for 16 months never gave me anything other than a quick peck and very quick, minimal contact hug. I do not know if he was not interested in me sexually or what. We spent a lot of time together, often entire days.
@Harry Abma Interesting. This is something that hasn't occurred to me of why a man might "reject" a woman. Women are not going to think along these lines unless it somehow came up in conversation.......Maybe get a second opinion.
Yikes. Terrible suggestions Abel. They should be ABLE to understand why there should be healthy expectations. If they talk and share and are open about their emotional struggles you have a real caring person who wants to work through his pain. It's really painful. That needs to be mutually understood....it goes both ways. Reach for his reality, what does he really want? He might be ready to think and work through his struggles. Abel is very helpful, but I think teaching men how to grieve would be very wise. Life goes on. Grandchildren need a healthy family...there are needs all the way around. How this is handled makes or breaks a happy future. There can't be jealousy of a prior spouse, and a man who wants a future will seek to bring good health into his life in every possible way....but not all have emotional intelligence. This is what is crucial. Working through all the feelings....
@Eva I think if I am dating a widower or even if we decide to live together in our own home let's say, I would not have a problem with him having a picture of his late wife. it's part of his life. I am widowed for over 20 years. maybe I have a different view on things. I never could understand why some of my boyfriend's or even a husband would be jelous of a dead man. that doesn't seem logical.
The comments here!! 🙄🙄 I'm highly convinced aren't from those who have been widowed!!! My father-in-law lost his wife to cancer and remarried a woman who had been widowed. They have pictures in their living room with them each with their first spouse. Doesn't seem to bother either of them! 🤷♀️ And my brother-in-law was widowed and married a woman who was widowed. He told me that I can continue to love my late husband and in the future also love another man. If you aren't widowed, you don't get it! And quite honestly, I'm glad you don't get it! Because you don't want to go through that kind of pain!!
@Ella there is a big difference between ex wife and late wife! Relationships with a widowers are definitely not something that each woman can handle. Only smart, patient , accepting, kind Godly woman, who understands what's she is walking in , can be happy in this kind of relationship! I am happily married to the best man of in world, love of my life, who is widower. You really need a strength which comes from Lord's grace to work and pray through the issues to stay together! If you love each other, don't give up! 🙏
Hey we widowers want sex and intimacy just like the rest! XD (sorry the video title made me laugh, a bit of humor cant hurt can it?) Depends on the widower and what that person sees in such I believe, sex is not the most intimate part of life for me with that said the irony might be that the ladies I met seem to have far less understanding of that than I do "Omg are you a widower? And you are here with me? Shame on you!" "Yeah lady, I am very ashamed of being with you, but that has nothing to do with the fact that I am a widower, yeah yeah! I am leaving"
