What you shared reminds me of a wedding I went to some time ago where the couple already had a two month old baby. Later a small child described the wedding to someone and said, " And after they kissed a nice lady came up and handed them a baby." I had to wonder how long before this small child learned that people usually don't get a baby at the end of their wedding.
My parents were just about as secretive. They never told me anything. I went to public school and learned that way. The band bus on the way home from football games was a sex Ed class for me!! And yes the girl ended up pregnant. That was back in ‘71.
I just found out that my boyfriend thought we stick our pads on our skin, not our underwear. I asked my girlfriends and apparently that’s a common misconception! It’s crazy how we all can be so in the dark about each other.
So weird, I'm 40, male, and from the Netherlands. I grew up LDS, so there was taboo, but I was part of a community that did not have the same taboo's. Tampons, probably is a bridge to far as long as they are still "virgins". We have great sexual education at schools to prevent this from happening and slipping through the fingers from parents that don't know how to explain or understand it themselves. And homeschooling is a thing we don't have. True there are some "religious" schools that might have more censorship, but there are things they need to tackle at school because it is part of education and socialization, like LGBTQ+.
@@schiffelers3944 yes, I've heard about how countries outside of the US are better about educating their children about periods, sexual health, and even sexuality. My mom had a German friend and her daughter told me all kinds of stuff and I was horrified. My mom ended up sitting me down and explaining that in Germany, they respect their kids enough to actually educate them about life so they are knowledgeable and prepared. It's super interesting to hear your perspective because you were straddling two opposing communities almost. Thank you for responding!
@@schiffelers3944 I'm the OP and this is my other account! Yes, I've heard about the "period shed" from other countries. Or even the mikvah in Orthodox Jewish communities. I try to understand before judging, but it sounds isolating and scary.
I remember being about 4 and asking my mother how did women get pregnant. She was like, “Oh, when you start doing mum things then you’ll just get a baby and be a mum. If you don’t want to do Mum things then no baby comes.” That made perfect sense to me. Naturally my next question was when could I expect my (teenage) aunt to get her baby since she baked me cookies, braided my hair, and read to me. We’re those not mum things? 🤣
When I was 20, my first roommate was evangelical christian from a, small northern California town with a abstinance only education. One night my other roommate and I had her describe to us in detail what she and her boyfriend did together. Whelp, they were having sex, he had her convinced that what they were doing wasnt actually sex. No one told her what sex was so she didn't knew any better. He also had her convinced he was a virgin, but he gave her an std. She didn't know what "using protection" was either.
It’s endearing hearing the little bit of FLDS accent mixed in with his modern American English accent that’s kinda taken over after leaving. There’s a lightness and a humor and a true self expression u can hear and feel that’s developed and been nurtured since he’s been free.
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy Maybe you've already covered this in a video (I'm starting from the beginning and watching them in order), but I am curious about the FLDS accent. I find it really fascinating.
I have two daughters ages 4 and 8. When they ask me questions I answer them honestly on a level they can understand. I keep it simple too. I think it’s more about a lot of small conversations that add up to a big picture over time. Great job keeping things open with your kids!
When my kids were little and asking those questions for the first time a friend told me to always answer only the question they asked, they don’t need a deep depth explanation when they’re that little, but be honest and most importantly use correct anatomical language because if someone tried to hurt your kids you want them to be able to tell you exactly what what happened. That was some of the best advice I ever got. To this day all of my kids are very open about that kind of stuff with me and ask me anything. I tell them if I don’t know the answer I’ll get the information and let them know. My eighth grader came home from school last year and said, “mom, my friends were all talking about sex today at school and I realized, all my friends are idiots! None of them had any idea what they were talking about, I’m glad you tell me stuff so I don’t have to be one of the dumb kids.” 🤣
That is GREAT advice! And that is awesome and hilarious that your eighth grader was more knowledgeable haha. But that is what we want, right?! Our kids to gain their knowledge from us, their parents, on such important matters. Thank you so much for sharing!
I taught my daughter the same way. I nearly took her elementary school to court over it, they tried accusing me of allowing someone to mishandle her because they were convinced that was the only way she could have gained that knowledge. Three medical exams, several interviews, and one traumatized child later got the school in big trouble.
When my youngest was trying to understand what it meant for him to be adopted, we had the following conversation: HIM: “I don’t get it. My brothers came out of your tummy but I came out of another lady’s tummy? Did I crawl out of hers into your’s?” ME: “No, you just came from her tummy”.. HIM: How do the babies get out anyway? I started to prepare a simple answer when he added “Is there a zipper or something”?
Answer their questions when they are young and they normalize the topic! Its better to give some answer than a misleading one or skip the topic. There is the place that pee comes out and a place for poop, and in between an opening that is where the baby comes out! When you don't clarify this they think it comes out of your belly button or that you "poop"out a baby.
Super fascinating. Can I ask how you reacted/what you thought when you did finally learn it? Were you amazed or horrified or ...? I love how you guys expressed how you're raising your children with openness and questions.
I am so interested to hear about this topic! Thank you Sam for being so open and Melissa for always doing a great job asking questions and guiding the conversation 💙 Edit: Woah that story. I can't even imagine. My parents are both midwives, I've known the gist of sex and birth since I was about 4 😂
Kinda feel sorry for the nurse in that story, too, having to tell a married couple about sex, and who knows what else. Not a task she is familiar with, I imagine!
Maybe my friend is an exception, but she has got plenty of (vague, for obvious reasons,) stories about the things she has had to explain and she does not even blush or break her composure while relating these details to me! Sometimes I can’t breathe, I’m laughing so hard and she is unflustered and totally deadpan.
@@thebestwillow Yes, married adult couples, but some of them are still quite young. Many of them come from very religious families and have a very 'bare-bones' sex education. Some also come from poor families and their parents thought that sex education was the school's job, while the schools tended to not over-step into what they think are 'family domain.' It is surprising how few parents actually find out what their children are being taught (or not being taught, in this case,) in school. They have to send their kids by law, but they will not put effort into finding out how their kids are doing. Few turn up to parent's evening, some don't even have a phone line at home, so nobody from school can contact them, some do not even speak English. I have several family members who are teachers, classroom assistants and social workers. My family is living in the UK, BTW, in some of the cities with the highest numbers of immigrant communities.
I have a friend who is a physician in an Amish area and she saw patients who after trying for a very long time finally decided to see a doctor and when she got down to it to figure out what is going on she found out the husband has just been...uh...entering his wife and peeing in her. That’s what they assumed sex was. Nobody had told them anything and that was the best thing they could work out, I guess.
Oooooh wow! You kids are darling! It seems Sam wears his emotions on his face, I can only imagine how long he was in shock talking to anyone! I'm 54 was not raised in any church, but sex and cramps etc were not talked about in my home either, unless I had a question, but NOTHING outside the bare minimum answers... You guys hit it on the head that things were hidden, or secret.... I think that is a sad way to raise kids....and if explained right and with love, our kids will appreciate knowing consequences of actions..... 💜
When your child started crying in the background I thought my baby had woken up from her nap! I was relieved it was your child 😆 great video! I honestly had the same experience growing up in the Midwest. I went to a smaller school started by homeschool parents that had control of curriculum so they all opted out of a sex Ed course. My cousin who went to public school told me about it after she learned about it at school.
When my kids were young and asked how the baby got out. I always said through the birth canal. They seemed to accept that. It was good enough when they were so young..😀
I've known several couples that git married and didn't know what sex was and they were not Mormons. I knew a Muslim couple married a year and the family wanted know why they were not pregnant and it turns out they had no idea about sex.
True it is not limited to the FLDS church, and many religions have their "issues" with taboo on sex. Or the sacredness of sex. Take the Kama Sutra for instance. History shows us what the problem is with these approaches. From one eyed snakes, to hairy palms. But then modern science is not that old yet. And we have probably taken that a step to far, with genetic manipulations etc.
@@barbararodin4604 People being married without knowing what sex is, or how it works. The taboo on sex, either demonized or sacred, often found like this in religions. Codes and falsehoods. And the modern day, other spectrum of genetic manipulation. Two opposite sides of the same coin in the same day and age.
There are great books out there for children of all ages. I’m a retired midwife, so sex education was dinner conversation (not graphic, but definitely open conversation). I had delivered all my grandchildren, so they knew their birth stories. It really helped them a lot knowing all the ins and outs of sexual activity as well as knowing about their bodies. Like I said, there are wonderful books out there that will help you explain, in a perfect way, the right information for their age group. Don’t be afraid. It seems that you are doing a wonderful job🤗
I have a question and oh, how I hope you answer! Listen, I love the show Escaping Polygamy, and while I know it’s dramatized for tv, was it really difficult for people trying to escape Colorado City? For example fleeing in the dead at night and being chased down and harassed by god squad? Thanks, I love your channel! I’ve quickly binged all of your videos! ❤️
Thanks for addressing this topic. I heard on another site about how this girl married and didn't know what her husband wanted. He thought she was rejecting him and they never consummated the marriage. It seems so bizarre.
It’s so hard for me to believe that young adults would seriously just have no clue what sex was. I mean, even if you’ve never been taught about it, you’ve never engaged in it, I mean as a teen and having feelings and hormones etc...I feel like naturally, you’d know something about it and figure it out. Especially given that everyone has conversations with friends and learns bits and pieces as you grow and then you put it all together. How can you just seriously have no idea?!?
Here is a suggestion, not telling you how to raise your children, but you can be honest with your children. Even about sex and reproduction. Kids will hear what they are ready to hear. My parents never lied to be about where babies came from. I understood that sex created babies, and that babies came through a vaginal birth for as long as I can remember. I want to say that I first got it at about age three. It's not a sexual conversation. It is human anatomy, and it protects children to have information.
That’s amazing that the girls hid their periods that well! 😂My pads sit out in the bathroom in plain sight and my kids ask me questions already 🙈my youngest is four. Lol. 3 girls
I remember asking my Mom about pads when my sister was buying them. Unfortunately, it was in the middle of a busy supermarket! She just told me that we’d talk about it later. People were looking and smirking! Cringe!
Here's another level of " not knowing" the participant of either gender doing EVERYTHING required to become " a parent" and being surprised. And the denial and anger at a parent for succeeding at the skill set to achieve the status of a parent. Human beings are a funny bunch on whole.
Still catching up on old vids (the YT algorithm is odd). Two things: 1) Sam, most "farm kids" figure out sex from watching animals. I'm a little surprised at the last story bc I assume there were animals around, no? 2) Couples on Mormon Stories are very open. I assume you were both virgins... and wonder if you'd consider discussing that unusual dynamic... appropriately, of course. (Or, in Jordan & McKay's story, she'd actually had sex with another man bf marrying and was filled with LDS shame... that was a tough story to listen to.)
Living so remotely, I would think at least some people would have farm animals & could figure things out that way. OTOH, it’s kinda endearing that someone could be that innocent of these things.
I think the humbleness of the people is why Sam didn’t know. Sex is private so girls are taught about periods but boys aren’t. Girls are very conservative therefore those things aren’t talked about
My children are 3 and 7, they know all the human body parts. How body works, they sure know where babies come from. I feel like the earlier they know, the less uncomfortable I feel while teaching them.
That’s a lot better then what I was told, in the Amish they talk about thinking whenever you pee in the woman that’s when they thought they were giving the woman seaman. Haha
But wouldn’t they figure out that sex is required for a baby, which is why the Virgin Mary getting pregnant was a big deal. Also, what about the story of the guy spilling his seed on the floor and not getting his brothers wife pregnant.
I was never assigned anyone to marry. When the prophet receives a "revelation" on who should be married it is normally carried out and they are married within a week or so.
I grew up in a very traditional LDS family and my parents also didn't talk about sex either, so I didn't know anything about sex until I was in my mid teens.
I grew up in the 60s and 70s. We never would have asked our parents about sex and they didn't volunteer that information. We learned anatomy at school and the mechanics from friends.
Sam you are a very nice gentleman. Your family has grown because you now have more sisters worldwide. Sam had you dated other women before marrying Alyssa?
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy Thanks for answering. I didn't mean to ask something so personal, but I was curious if those were things you still held or if the world pulled your interest so much that you were just out there figuring it out.
Idk why my mom told me so early about reproductive organs and the generals of what sex was; but when I was probably about 2.5 y/o I was in the waiting room at the doctors office and I went up to a man and asked, “do you have a uterus.” I guess she didn’t explain yet about who generally has what parts lol. But anyways I just want to say it’s only awkward and weird to talk about it to a child if you as a parent make it awkward and weird. Or if you wait too long and they find out bits and pieces from friends and then the kids get nervous to talk about it. I’ve known basically my whole life about sex health topics and I truly believe it didn’t ruin my innocence or make me grow up too fast. If anything it made me feel prepared for the future and how to know what’s going on with my body! Just my two cents
Another very nice one. I think children who grow up on farms and see animals tend to have a good idea even if their parents tell them nothing. Sometimes we go too far these days - every time I sit down to eat my meal in front of the TV at the moment here in England there seems to be some advertisement for menstrual pads which puts me off the food.....
Periods aren’t disgusting. Vaginas aren’t disgusting, women who don’t menstruate literally have something wrong with them…. Perhaps you’re being a bit over sensitive, it’s not like the commercials show someone slinging a used tampon into the bin and putting in another one. Also, you can totally turn the TV off… just saying.
In Public school we learned about Sex education in Health class in 8th Grade. I guess this is a big reason why the Ploygamist groups Home School. I would assume your neighbor had other brothers, I'm surprised he wouldn't talk to them before going outside the family?
I think some brothers talked, but since we weren't supposed to have any "unclean thoughts" I think sometimes kids didn't want to ask questions that could get them in trouble, even with siblings.
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy Recently saw a video by Brent Jeffs, made about 6 years ago. He was thrown out of the Polygamist group for contacting girls. He wrote a book called "Lost Boy" am going to read it some day. Have you by chance read the book?
I had a 7th day Adventist friend who got married at 19 by choice and knew nothing about sex etc. I also know fundamental Christians who's kids and teenagers know very little about human biology and sex etc. They think pregnancy is God given.
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy yeah. Some Catholic kids i knew when i was young thought their mum got pregnant by the priest laying hands on her and praying. What confused me at the time was how my mum got pregnant because we had never gone to church. But i dont think i had ever really wondered how people got pregnant. I figured adult women just did sometimes. I didnt really consider how it happened. To me, it just did. Maybe i was just a weird kid for not asking how pregnancy happened considering i was the oldest in my family and the oldest in my family's friendship group. I didnt ever wonder how babies got out either.
Yes, we were not taught about sex ed, why so many of us ended up pregnant as teenagers. Must teach prevention. 7th day did not teach at the boarding school so it was bad for the girls for certain.
I had watched a video on here from one of Warren Jeffs last wives before he went into hiding said she had no idea about sex at all and when he wanted to consummate the "marriage", she had no idea what he wanted, what was involved in it, and wanted no part of it. It was a very interesting interview. She was put in some sort of safe house and under house arrest when he was running from the feds. My parents didn't talk about it with me and I don't think I ever asked. We learned it in school about a year before girls normally started their period. The girls and boys had separate health classes and it was all about how their bodies would change during puberty, what to do and not to do and where babies came from. I'm not sure what happened in the boy's class but all the girls were educated about periods, when you get them, how to deal with them and why it happened.
I can't imagine how traumatizing it would be to have to perform sexual acts as a "wife" when you have never been told anything about sex or even known your husband before you were married. Sooo sad. I think that it is because so many children weren't talked to about these topics that schools felt the need to start teaching it. At least then most children get a basic understanding of how their bodies work.
Hi, I love your videos! I don't know if this has ever been asked before, but since you left at 18, what happened to the girl you were betrothed to? Did she get matched with someone else or was she now going to be permanently single? I'm assuming that your wife or husband is chosen for you at an early age in an arranged marriages, (I know for my friend it was) so I guess I'm asking, how early is it decided who you're going to marry and is it decided by the parents or the elders? I hope to hear or see your answer soon, if not, it's okay, I understand.
Great question! So in my community there isn't any betrothal. When the prophet has a revelation about a marriage it just gets announced and executed most of the time within a week. No one has any idea who they would be married to until right when it happens. So since I left at 18 there had never been a revelation for me to marry yet.
Oh thank you both so much for making me laugh with that story...voila...oh! We have to do What?? Can you imagine "yo sammy boy while you are out getting gas grab me some hot rods and a box of tampax for Julie " 🤯huh what???
My sister and I both had zero idea of how the sperm was delivered to the egg, because that was omitted from Sex Ed at school. My mother and dad gave me a simple book about how a baby was made when I was 9 & started asking questions. The book also left out the part about part A goes inside Part B. Eventually, Sis and I saw a couple of poodles mating and understood! I was horrified at first! 😂 I was like Sam when I was little. I thought you got married and then God gave you a baby after the wedding ceremony! Additionally, I thought I would just wake up one day and magically have a bustline! It took longer than overnight, ha-ha!
Interesting, seems like FLDS can be as "prude" as many other "religions" (not all religions), it also makes me wonder on the inequality of knowledge. It feels like some are more in the know than others. Like the nurse, etc. I realize according to the "teachings" it is "god" that assigns the marriages, but in reality it is the leaders of your community. Now with the common arranged marriages it is about wealth and property, I assume it is the same with FLDS?? Also with so many large mixed families, is there someone who keeps track of genetic relations to prevent "inbreeding". Have you ever wondered or thought about that? How does that work according to you? And what about the infamous "lost boys"? Could you talk about this? (This is my first video of yours, so if you have already talked on these themes, sorry for asking.) I myself grew up LDS, but in the Netherlands, most people always confused us with FLDS and polygamy. (And there are a lot of comparisons/overlaps.)
I think my parents must have told me about "the birds and the bees" when my brother was born when I was about two because I don't remember ever hearing that information for the first time. They did update my brother and me as we grew older also. We don't talk about such things as periods openly though, it was considered private. A little friend of ours was the eldest in her family and at the age of 5 or 6 had a couple of little sisters. She told someone that "Mommies have girl babies and Daddy's have boy babies." Made sense to her. Only her mom had been pregnant and all the babies had been girls!
This isn’t the only group that was like this; learned among friends, although our 6th grade teacher sat the class down & gave the full 🐦 🐝 … nothing about birth control…. that was ‘75!
I think it’s really great for parents to be open to telling their children about this topic and answering their questions. And it should be a conversation that parents have with their kids; hence maybe why explaining at least some before a kid would learn at school. Young boys can be very immature, but it’s important for them to know some about female reproductive systems and basics on periods. Girls should also learn some about males, just for no surprises when they’re with a boy for the first time. And god willing, if they ever get assaulted.
I heard a story about a guy that thought a period was a woman laying a grape-sized egg, and that women were just being extra the rest of the time. When it was explained to him, he was shocked that women were still doing normal things like playing volleyball while bleeding on their period.
As far as I know, the females don't get any more info than the men. But I'm sure the amount of info for both male and female varied based on the family.
So glad you guys finally posted again! Wow 😳 a lot of info I can’t believe they don’t teach the kids more then they do they should know how a baby is made at least!
Btw when kids ask a question you can answer it age appropriate. And when they are continue questioning you can go into more detail. Kids usually dont see it sexual or dirty or anything. Thats whag adult brains do
My mom told me full shebang but it was only to explain where babies came from. After my grandmother failed horribly Poor woman did try. She tried. I was 5 and asked the question where they came from. She stopped for a moment and tried to gather her words. "It....we...it...starts with....it starts with an egg." Me: I came from an egg!? She lost it there lol Didn't ruin my innocence knowing.
What did you guys get taught about the Virgin Mary? I mean this question with the utmost respect for Sam! I’m genuinely curious. You guys are amazing, by the way! Hello from St George ☺️
I wonder about things like this too. admittedly, I don’t know much about Mormons, as a Baptist myself. There are verses that also come to mind about how you shouldn’t add to or take away scripture like Warren Jeffs did/does. Im not here to disrespect anyone or argue! I just wonder how the flds fits the beliefs and rules they create with the Bible. It’s so confusing
First yay it's been a while I'm excited to watch a video from u guys but second I no u guys are really good about reading all ur comments so I hope this gets to u guys. So my question or statement or whatever this is... so the duggars... they grew up similarly to u not the polygamy part but the religion and beliefs are very similar.... so obviously the charges against josh are horrifying and disturbing and disgusting and there is no excuse and there never will be. That's something everyone can agree with but since u grew up with a family with beliefs similar to theirs u might have more insight then most on why the parents refused to go to the police and why they refused to get any help from professional mental health workers and why josh was the one who was fully protected and the girls weren't put first and why still to this day the parents are basically ruining their family to protect josh. Almost as they are protecting their family name at all cost even thou the Duggar name no longer has any respect left attached to it. I no the lack of sexual education had a huge part to do with how curious josh was. Acting on it and continuously acting on it is his mental sickness and I believe he was always gonna be this way no matter how he was raised he was born a predator but his upbringing definitely had a huge part to play in it and I dont expect u to comment on any of that. The end of this long all over the place comment lol if u have any insight maybe u could make a video on why the parents are going to such great lengths to protect him from when it started happening up until this very day and why they refused to go to the police or proper mental health services until someone outside told the police and made them. And maybe a video on why outside help is never contacted like police doctors why it has to be all people within the religion and why seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist is basically banned. You as someone who grew up in that belief and religion system ur take on it would be very interesting to see.
Thanks so much for watching! I honestly don't know much about the Duggars or what happened with their son, so I would have to brush up on that before I could say much on it, but I will say that in extreme religions where they believe that God has His hand in every aspect of your life (including direct revelation on who you should marry) a lot of times those people choose to "turn to God" to fix things instead of any scientific professionals. Maybe I can learn more about the Duggar situation and do a video on my thoughts. Thanks so much for the idea! =)
Aww thanks! Nobody could ever "come out" until after they left the community. There was no acceptance of the LGBTQ at all there and they considered it a sin.
It sounds like the daughter is ready for a basic anatomy lesson of birth. 4 is fairly young to reach that level bought of the questions as described suggest she is ready for it.
Hi Kerstin, yes, the FLDS do wear garments. They cover all the way from wrists to ankles. They had a temple in Texas but they are no longer using it. Part of the reason Warren Jeffs is in prison is for what was going on in that temple.
My son also asked the “how did the baby come out” question. I finally said “through my vagina” but he was still like “but HOW!?!?” Turns out this answer satisfied him: “When the baby is ready to be born, a special tunnel called the Birth Canal opens and allows the baby to come out. It closes again after the baby is born” He didn’t care (at that age) where the tunnel came out, but just that a pathway opened up and closed again. He saw a big belly and was wondering if it just rips open.
