Sexual Orientation OCD / HOCD (w/ ROCD) 

I’ve become so invested in these thoughts that I feel as if my heterosexuality has been completely shut off. It’s ruined my happy and once healthy relationship, and I’ve become such a distant partner. Scared to say I love you back. Scared to see him, when at one point it all came so natural. I’m fighting. I’m ignoring the groinal responses, and staying away from porn. I want my life back and I don’t want my mind always questioning being with someone else.

I can’t wait for the day you blow up and bring this to more mainstream awareness! You’re gonna save a lot of relationships

Im a straight female, and for the last year I’ve been dealing with these thoughts, and i always get the thing, “what if I’m bisexual/lesbian in denial?” Even though I’ve never felt genuine attraction to women. And then i get scared, thinking “what if I’m a homophobic person in denial?” Even though I’m a huge supporter of the LGBT, but I never felt any feelings to a girl, but then I’m scared that I’m lying to myself, and not to mention my family was the same way. But these all hit the nail on the head, thank you for the video. I feel bad for even writing this comment, because although I’m straight, I don’t want to offend anyone from the LGBT

Great video....you do a great job covering all the different aspects of these types of OCD fears. We all know that everyone’s OCD thoughts are individualized and we all experience a different combination of intrusive thoughts. It’s great that you mention the various thoughts that may enter the mind because it can really help individuals become aware that what they are experiencing is in fact OCD. What a struggle it is for so many people who are newly experiencing OCD and have no idea what is happening. Wonderful job! Wish I had this 15 years ago when my symptoms first showed up.

i don't think people understand how debilitating it is for someone who is bisexual/pansexual to have sexual orientation ocd. yes its horrible for straight/gay people to have this but i thank you so much for also saying that someone who is bisexual or any other sexual orientation can deal with this!!!! all the videos ive found have ONLY talked about straight ocd and homosexual ocd. but bi/pan/other people can have this as well. im constantly rechecking with myself to make sure im still attracted to the genders im attracted to and i have existential crisis around "what if im actually a lesbian in denial?" "what if thats what i'll turn out to be?" "i DON'T want to be a lesbian". we don't think its a bad thing to be a lesbian. nobody understands.

This video saves my life for sure! I've always considered myself as an emotionally strong person with decent attitudes so facing this problem and didn't know how to overcome was the worse feeling I've ever had for a big while. Thank you so much for actually pointing out all the symptoms so accurately, my anxiety level is going from 10/10 to 2/10.

thank you so much for this video. i remember first experiencing this around 11-12 years old for a year and it went away. about 6 months ago i had developed rocd and from time to time my hocd comes back which plays hand and hand with my rocd. I’m really glad you made this video because I honestly thought I was crazy

Holy shit (excuse my language) I was just thinking about this. Your channel has helped me through so much, and I’ve come back to it recently because my OCD has been flaring and BAM the exact thing I’ve been panicking about in a video; thank you :)

I really like your channel and your approach towards explaining ocd. You speak very well and have a very calming demeanor. Thanks for being awesome.

you just saved me, i have never been able to explain this. thank you so much

Best video I've seen on this topic! You touched on every single one of my concerns

This video... Is very much what I needed right now... Thank you Kiyomi...!!

Thank you for speaking on this Kiyomi!

Also wow !!! Your video is so inclusive and precise it almost made me cry Thank you so so much about it You deserve a lot in life for being such a compassionate and kind hunan❤

this explains EXACTLY what i've been going through for the past few years. thank you so much. 💞

This video is one of the best ones I've ever seen on Sexual Orientation OCD, hugely helpful!! Thank you so much! I love what you say about fluidity, and radical compassion.

Its a fucking hell...I feel that I'm living a lie...I just want to forget all of this

Its actually very nice to find people who feel like this. Through all my life ive suffered diferent kinds of ocd as if my mind cant be “normal”. i first started experiencing this at 14 and i was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and obsessive thoughts, with a lot of strength i managend to get it under contron and lived my life fully and i felt extremely happy but it took time and effort. Until this year, several things have happend in my life that have triggered rocd which led to the reappearence of my hocd. Its severely distressing, now when i get this thougths i clutch my fist as a tick almost, i have started doubting all my life, and now i dont know anymore whats real and whats product of my ocd. Sometimes i feel like my ocd can change my memories to match what it wants. nowadays i avoid large places, i get really anxious about hanging out with specific people, i question my moves like the way i dance, my humor, as if those things indicate im not straight. As if liking dark humor or using an orange pencil mean you are a lesbian or whatever. It feels like you are trying to convince yourself. I dont remember almost anything about the time i was 14 and how i got over it. My mind tells me that like callie in greys anatomy, i will fall in love with a woman although ive never been interested in anything romantic or sexual with one. I tend to separate myself from my ocd mind, i call it my anxiety brain, because it doesnt feel like myself. I really want to go back to when i was happy but my mind tells me i cant. The thing i can recommend with any kind of ocd is push through it, i know going to the mall scares you, but you have to do it cause you will get more fears. Try going out with friends, staying alone with your thougths it the worst option.

Thank you so much. All I want is to be happy with my girlfriend and these two forms of ocd seem to get in the way and the stress they bring me is immense. You have opened my eyes to the fact that I’m not alone and these thoughts are not me.

thank you so much i have been struggling with this for a few months

So many OCDs out there this was so informative thank you.

I keep thinking that I'm in denial and that I'm actually lesbian and that I'm dating my boyfriend to proof that I'm still bi. OCD makes me feel different about him and about other people when i fall into my checking compulsion. It's so hard to do ERP when it comes to this because it feels so real. I've dealt with relationship OCD the last couple months and i know that i will get through this but it's so distressing because I'm really happy with my boyfriend and i love him so much and i don't want anything to change. I guess that's why my OCD clings so much to it.

Is the best video for HOCD i. youtube by far...😱

Wow! My boyfriend was ruminating for days over this exact thing last week. He was very upset and taking tests online to check. Now when he is worrying I can show him this video! Thank you!

OCD can form in many other different themes aswell. Let's say, a sadistic or non-masochistic person is afriad of becoming a masochist. OR A masochistic or non-sadistic person is afriad that they are actually a sadist the whole time without realizing it. Either way. People who have obsessive compulsive disorder has instruive thoughts so randomly and it may distress them through out the day, the groinal responses is unwanted and uncomfortable. OCD might affect your attraction towards your partner aswell because this causes the brain to become very confused and challenged. OCD is like a toxic friend that won't leave you alone. OCD comes with false signals from the brain aswell, and it will feel like the signals are true when it is actually false. A straight or bi folk will constantly obsess and seek resurrance from other people close to them that they are not a lesbian or homosexual.. (this will only backfire on you later on.) A lesbian or homosexual person will be afriad that they are a heterosexual when they're actually the oppoiste of that. A cisgender person will be worried that they are transgender. Or a transgender will be worried that they are cisgender. This is not homophobia, if it was homophobia the person who has HOCD will dislike the LGBT community. Some people take HOCD as if it was homophobia and just *being in denial,* actually it is an severe mental illness that causes you to feel very overwhelmed, it can also lead to suicidal thoughts if left untreated.

Treatment to this or any other form of OCD always begins with first accepting you indeed suffer from OCD. It's much easier than admitting you have a particular type of OCD, but trust me, it takes guts to do even that, and once you do it, you are on the path to recovery. I was not aware of my condition until last year and was always helpless when intrusive thoughts invaded my brain and I didn't know what to label these thoughts. Once I found out, HOCD also started after I read some nonsense about sexuality on Twitter. It gave me a midnight panic attack, but the moment I had a suicidal intrusive thought, I stopped having the HOCD thoughts. I didn't notice it back then, but now I clearly remember how it went down. Patients and fellow mates, remember OCD is the real culprit, and the H part of it is a mere cover for its crimes. That one alphabet can always be replaced, and the amount of fear you'll feel will be the same all the time, and another alphabet would feel silly when your mind is engrossed with an alphabet at a time. So no, HOCD is not permanent; no other topic of OCD is. The root of this lies not in the thoughts but why you have them: most possibly due to lower self-esteem as well other than OCD, since a part of the brain of such people secretly ends up buying anything others tell them. The treatment should begin with your self-esteem first, because topics will change but OCD won't go away that easily. I know knowing all this won't make it go away instantly, but slowly it will work and make you relieved. Take it from a survivor :)

Thank you for being inclusive . I am a gay girl and I have genuine attraction for women . Just the moment I found out about SOOCD My mind started to wonder if I have it and automatically started to second guess my sexual orientation . You know what I am fine being gay and I am happy being a lesbian . Again , thanks for making this video , totally appreciated ❤️🔥☺️💐🥀

I’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend (over a year now), and I’ve been bi curious for about six months. This has brought me great anxiety, because I’ll check to see if I’m attracted to my partner during moments of intimacy. I get scared that I’m secretly just straight or I’m gay just in denial. They feel so realistic, but I know I love my boyfriend. HOCD just works “great” with relationship ocd lol, so I’m constantly in this anxiety about it. So thank you for including bisexuality as well! You really helped me!

Honestly thanks so much for this video! I didn’t know that HOCD existed and I’ve had these thoughts for a few years (it got triggered by playing the sims game..weird I know). The worst part about learning that this type of disorder exists that it produces more intrusive thoughts. What if I’m just in denial? What if I get to see a therapist and they deny that I have HOCD? What if it’s not real? That’s why I’ve avoided searching it up. Also going off someone else’s post. I also am scared that I’m just denying it because being gay is ew (like being homophobic). I have the upmost respect for ppl who are LGBTQ but that’s not what I want to be or identify with :( It’s just so hard because nowadays if you question being straight, automatically you have to be gay or bisexual (also this disorder affects those who are LGBTQ). Also, I don’t even label myself as straight anymore because “straight” gives me anxiety. There’s like a voice in my heading telling me how can I be straight with these thoughts? Thank you xx I’m scared to sought after a therapist and something like this can’t be self-diagnosed

I don't know if you agree or not but she had helped a lot of people including me

Thank you so much for making this my inner confused 13 year old self is now in peace! 10 years I have had this (i have a diagnosis and medication) and I now understand myself and my behavior better💜

I have HOCD at 9 months, this is the worst thing of my life. I was never curious about kissing a man. Nowadays if I see a handsome man I think it’s attraction. Nowadays I have a supposed paranoia with a college guy, I avoid looking at him but I can’t if he walks near me I have to look and I say I don’t fell anything for him. There are days when I have to look at a picture of him on Instagram and tell myself I have no interest in him. I’m 18 old and sorry for my bad English

Great resource💛 thanks for the videoooo

13:31 This part made me cry It’s à deep pain I can only keep within me It’s actual despair, only us who suffer from this can It’s hard to keep living sometimes But I thank people like you for giving me hope

I'm so tired of these thoughts. I just wanted them to be away. I've been dealing with these doubts for about 5 years and it spikes when I'm trying to have a relationship. I'm dating a guy now and the thoughts came back in full power. Sometimes I feel that my heart is telling me that the thoughts are true and I should try to liberate myself. I'm worrying if I need to tell the guy that I'm dating this is happening. I feel so ashamed and scared. That he'll say "Well, then, why don't you go out there and experiment?" and then leaves me. I've shared this with a close friend, and she said the same "Why don't you go out there and experiment?". I felt sad, but because I want the thoughts to go away I'm considering. I'm exhausted. I don't know what to do or think anymore. I just want peace of mind. I just want to enjoy relationships with men normally without fearing that I'm hiding something because of the thoughts. I try not to keep checking everything everyday at forums but sometimes I need a bit of a relief. I did it today. When will all this be gone? :(

I’ve been struggling with this for over a decade now.... I think the worst part is that my HOCD doesn’t just attack my romantic relationships, but also my platonic ones as well. I’ve pushed away so many female friends bc of the fear of becoming attracted towards them. And then of course I’ve pushed away so many potential male love interests bc of the fear that I WASNT attracted to them... basically, this disorder can be so maddening and heartbreaking. I’ve become more and more isolated unfortunately. Hopefully it’ll get better one day

Thank you for speaking on this Kiyomi. I had to end a friendship with one of my best (girl) friends because my HOCD was so bad. Probably made it worse in the long run.

PLEASE I REQUEST you to do more videos like this...PLEASE

I definitely agree that ROCD and HOCD go hand in hand. I recently got into a relationship, and almost like clockwork, my HOCD starts again. You hit the nail on the head when you said that HOCD and ROCD work together, because being anything other than what we identify as, would mean we have to leave our relationship. For me, one of my biggest fears is having to break the heart of someone I love over something I can't help. So I think that In a way, my fear is loss of control, and being alone. Thanks for the video, it's very helpful and I 100% agree that we have to deal with these obsessions and fears. Guys, just to put things in perspective, over the last 12 years of my life I've switched countless times between thinking I'm straight and thinking I'm gay. If you struggle with OCD, you'll NEVER figure it out. Beating OCD is about accepting that uncertainty, as hard as it might be.

Hi Everyone I was suffer from OCD since my 1st year at university at 1st it was about religion and it came for few few time but it was big problem after my 3rd year when i had HOCD , now after 6 years of suffering HOCD and seviral questions I see doctor and take medication and i Get well and I am not believe that i was afraid from such thing. Just ignor and not interact with the thoughts and do not imagine to make sure that you are not having any homosexual feeling also not recheck Just ignor and take the medication

Thank you this video helped me so much ur amazing

Thank you for explaining the backdoor spike thingy. Im a man engaged to a woman. I know that my hocd started because of my overconsumption of pornography. However, right now I don't get the anxiety or shame if I get HOCD thoughts, however if I start to ruminate I can feel the anxiety coming up. Honestly, this stage is the hardest. I have experienced all sorts of questions inside my head. They just keep popping up and never stop. I've even felt like I'm a straight person who is in denial because despite of ROCD I do love my fiance and I'm aroused by her. But my mind won't stop giving me things to obsess about. Its really difficult to maintain a healthy life and a relationship with both hocd rocd and porn addiction but I'm fighting everyday. For those who reading this, quit porn.

this video is so important. I have dealt with this for most of the years of my life & I’m so SO tired and have no clue what to do anymore. It comes and goes but it’s stripping my true self away. I feel like I can loose control of myself. I am in a wonderful relationship with a man and I just want the thoughts to go away so I can feel fully happy and in love without doubt.

I started suffering with this when I was 14 and after a few months it somehow went away. I genuinely thought I'd never experience it again. Now at 21 it's come back worse than ever, at this point I'm convinced I'm bisexual but I've never really thought of myself as being bi, I've always appreciated girls and I remember thinking I was maybe bicurious in the past but it never bothered me once it was always been a slight curiousity. Now it's effecting my everyday life I've got to a point where the thoughts make me uncomfortable but I've gone past feeling terrified. It's like I'm numb with it, it's feels like I might enjoy it at moments that's how bad it's gotten, it makes my body physically uncomfortable when I'm not feeling numb to it, it's a feeling I can't explain. I try my best to tell myself it's OCD but it feels so real at this point and there have thankfully been moments where I miss my attraction to men. My OCD has become so in depth that it's now telling me "Did you ever actually miss you attraction to men. You've probably been attracted to women and faking your attraction to men" I don't feel like myself half the time anymore, my mind doesn't know whether I enjoy it or not and that in self has to be OCD. I've had trans thoughts which have made me extremely upset and anxious too. There have been days where I don't wanna look in the mirror and tie my hair up cause my own hair has freaked me out. I've always loved being a girl and never had any questioning about my actual identity. When it's come to my sexuality I've always played about with the idea of possibly being bi but I've always loved dating guys and being with guys, I've never had a full on crush on a girl. My memories have become completely blurred and I can't remember certain things anymore. I don't really know what to do anymore. It makes me feel a lot better that it isn't just me. It's so debilitating and I know once I wake up again at some point in the day the OCD will come straight back. Thank you for doing this video, it make some at least believe that other people are struggling with the same sort of thing as me ❤️

Very good video, thank you. That's amazing to hear for the first time from the mouth of someone else everything i am experiencing since months. That it does really exist and wear a name. Since weeks now I'm avoiding man because i don't want to be attracted to them, iam avoiding woman because i dont want to find out I'm not attracted to them, I'm avoiding to meet with people, to watch movies, and now even read books... I'm having now hopes that I'm gonna get out of there but i just want to say also to everybody reading this. You are not alone experiencing this.

I just want to say one thing . You look so beautiful 😍

Ugh I’m struggling. I don’t know anymore. All I want to do is cry and cry. I’ve always been straight. I know that. Always. A year or two ago I’d question my sexuality and thought “yea maybe I’m bi.” BUT I quickly dismissed it. I knew I was kidding myself on that part when I saw a pretty girl in my class but never really had a crush on her.I just admire how awesome she was and wish I had her type of confidence and positivity. Even with a friend of mine my mind said “what if you like her?” But I quickly dismissed it cause I didn’t like the thought with being a girl. But all of a sudden when I see a girl I get anxious because I questioned myself “what if u turn out to be gay?” “What if you have to leave your boyfriend?” “What if you fall inlove with a girl?” But I keep telling myself I’m not but those thoughts aren’t as terrifying as they were before and it worries me because I honestly don’t want to be bi/lesbian ( sorry LGBT community I completely support everyone there never had any hate ) but it’s so frustrating because I just spend most of my days checking and worrying. When I see a girl and not think about it nothing or sometimes something which then I go one spending my day again to see if I am. I think of a relationship with one but I think hmm nice but that’s not me. I’ve always wanted to marry a guy but the possibility with a girl?! I’m so confused! I have a boyfriend and I LOVE HIM! But then I keep coming back and fourth and back and fourth. It’s stressing me up and truly time consuming. As I write this down I’m hearing that this is probably the hocd but then again I worry if I’m just lying to myself but then again I know I’m not. Ugh 🤦‍♀️. Anyone passed through this? Anyone have any tips? I’m searching though the comments just to see any.

you are an amazing person

Anyone who has hocd ever have thoughts that what if their sexuality was thrusted on them or your family doesn’t want you to be gay/bi and that gives you anxiety because you’re never gay/lesbian in the first plce?

Omg, I'm in love with your videos. I feel so much relief. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much , I thought I was suddenly gay,( when I am not) this video is a relief

I think I have this and I really hate it because on my birthday I spent my whole day thinking about my sexuality when I should’ve been hanging out with my friends and family and it went away for a month and suddenly it’s back but worse :(

I'm bisexual, I've known I also like girls since I was like 6 and finally decided to put on this label at 12. I'm now 17 but istg EVERY SINGLE DAY I continue to question my sexuality. It's automatic now, when I see a woman and don't feel attracted to her I panic, it makes me feel as if I'm faking my sexual orientation for attention (even though only my two brothers know about it lmfao)

I was wondering if it’s possible that you can made a video explaining all about people who already control their thoughts but they don’t know what to do or what to feel (you feel that your lost) also that sometimes I have these thought but is not like “what if” is more like “you are” idk I am very confused because I feel that I am toxic for other people (partner) etc.. (ROCD)

Whenever I used to talk with my friends I don't know why I used to get some attraction feeling as I am straight and I like women . And then I used to get some intrusive thought in my mind that use to give me stress.

This video is great! I was fine have been for years never ever believed I would ever suffer with mental health .. lived with my best mate then moved into another mates to save money to buy a house with GF.. then moved into her parents to save more money... then bam HOCD.. don’t even know what set it off! I should say it’s been 8 months at the moment I’m doing okay the thoughts themselves are still there.. the triggers are still there.. and yes I still use compulsions.. but the intensity that existed at the beginning or before I got help from a NHS therapist has lessened dramatically.. I feel now that I get hit from the “back door spike” a lot more now that I use to, maybe because I’m more habituated to these things? My compulsions are all reassurance based.. I imagine myself with a woman to get the wanted desired affect (turned on) then I imagine myself with a man to get desired affect (turned off) ... this sometimes could be the other way round.. I’m trying to cut back as much as poss but it can be hard! I have one question and I hope you answer! What do you mean when you say “tackle the obsession”?

Thank you so so so much

I‘m just amazed how I tick all the boxes of ocd and and everything she described. And my brain is still going to say: you are in denial, it’s not OCD. Maybe you are using OCD to cover everything up.

I worry that I won't and when I don't feel what I would, it re-affirms my ocd. My lack of relationships due to my confidence (I'm 42) also seems to reaffirms my so-ocd because it seems to tell me, well why haven't you? Even though I know why, it questions it and then I start seeing things in my life. You saying about knowing someone who has made you beleive being gay is wrong, is a trigger, because it's as if you're saying well you must be trying to fight who you are because of someone else's beliefs. And I'm not. That brings on anxiety. I do think that was my trigger in the first place when I was younger (and being told once that I looked like a boy) But I've never wanted any romantic or sexual relationship with anyone except a guy. I've just not met anyone yet to feel that with. It reads like denial but it's not. If I tell myself "okay, I'm or maybe I'm bi or bi curious" then I'll start to relax. Not because I am but because it gives me space to stop my brain from fighting. But only for a few. And then I start fighting again. Please tell me this makes sense? My head is in a mess.

It took me years to accept my sexuality. And today, while I ruminate over my actual feelings towards my boyfriend, I sometimes also lose certainty about my homosexuality. I've never been nor wanted to be intimate with a girl. Crazy world.

Thanks sis it's mean a lot because I have hocd and metaocd

Thank you so much

Hi I am been suffering from Hocd for a long time with constant thoughts 24/7 but people are saying people with Hocd can recover and realise they are Gay so can Hocd thoughts be true?

Just looking at you reminded me that hocd isn’t me... your damn gorgeous

Today I was watching videos on how to stop the compulsions, then I saw that exposing them would improve, and suddenly when I saw that it would improve I stopped feeling the compulsions, it seemed more like my brain saw that I found the solution, and now that I'm not feeling the compulsions anymore it seems that I do not care about my relationship, and I really want to care, someone help me? has anyone gone through this?

I have been truly suffering with this for a few weeks and it's awful, it blocks so much other aspects of life. I am trying really hard to not google anymore about orientations and other things that are involved with this topic. It creates so much more intrusive thoughts that are just miserable. self discipline is so hard sometimes.

I feel so numb lately that I can't even explain what I am feeling. I think my hocd started at 16. I compared myself a lot to girlfriends of mine who had boyfriend's or kissed boys and no boy even turned their head for me. Also I didn't experience many crushes or had fallen in love with guys. I did imagine me with guys or imagine a family or intimacy a lot (daydreamer). Then suddenly I had these urges of having to kiss my girlfriends. Which felt horrible. It went away on it's own, then at 20 hocd came back. I was in a toxic relationship, when I randomly one day had the thought: 'I am lesbian'. It scared me immensely and until now it has came and went. One year ago I got into a relationship with the most amazing guy I could have imagined. I can completely be myself and everything feels easy with him. 3 months in the relationship and rocd kicks in as well as hocd big time. Both of them the worst I have ever felt. Right now, 9 months later, I don't know who I am anymore. I feel numb towards my boyfriend and just strange. I feel lesbian 100% and also not. I feel as if my boyfriend is just a friend and I don't have romantic feelings for him, which means I am lesbian and am just using him. The last time we were intimate and i just felt nothing, even repulsion. I was looking at my body parts thinking of I would be more attracted to women and it just made me feel sick to my stomach and also want to bawl my eyes out. All my thoughts about men since a young age of 12 seem like they are gone. I can hardlu imagine anymore how atrraction to men felt like. And lately it feels like my mind wants to start imagining thinks about women how I have always done about men. Everything seems to point me to the inevitable me being lesbian and having to break up with my boyfriend. Hurt him and also myself. I really can't explain the thoughts and feelings anymore. It makes me think I just have to accept and learn to be lesbian and that is the only thing keeping me away. But I don't want to be. I miss my old self and my love for my boyfriend. It is so f'ing confusing. The thoughts are so good at giving the right thoughts after some clarity to take me off track again. Like: 'I have always had a strong wish to have children with my future husband, I do not and cannot imagine having children with a woman. Since my wish for children has so much diminished because of anxiety, I am sure my Attraction to men is there!' (Some relief) And then: 'Then it must mean I will use my boyfriend/future husband for children and then be with a woman' I hope in a few years I can laugh about all of this...

Everything is a choice, don't apologize.

I have hocd too I get false attraction but I feel the false attraction is gettin mixed up with insecurity and it confuses me... but sometimes it just feel so god damn real but i know it isn’t... it’s not the same special feeling I feel towards a man ... even though due to so much stress very rarely I feel attracted to men. I know with women there’s definitely no romantic feeling there. Honestly I rather just die than become another sexuality . I just miss myself how I was a few years ago , I used to like guys all the time . It confuses me more when my drive is low which is nearly everyday😥I just hope it goes away one day and I live a normal life. What’s more scary is I am practising my faith as well , some people think I’m may not be a nice person but I never really agreed with other sexualities but I don’t judge those people or bully them. I condemn anything bad happening to them. I think it’s because I’m straight so if I imagine myself with a woman it’s just like ewww. sexuality is a very sensitive topic . But since my hocd has gone worse I’ve gone very depressed , I was taking medication, put so much weight on . I just try my best to avoid seeing anything to do with that topic. But I know I need sit with the anxiety as that’s the cure. I’m trying to accept the presence of the thoughts and uncertainty but you don’t have to agree with it. Accepting doesn’t mean agreement.. sometimes this does work sometimes it doesn’t.

I went from bisexual to lesbian to bisexual to lesbian to bisexual to - I don’t care! It’s so distressing. Because I went from bisexual to lesbian and I felt like everything was lining up for me. And then this form of OCD developed shortly after. Now, I’m unsure if I’m attracted to women and sometimes even fear losing attraction to women. I’ve always had doubts about my sexuality, noticing the difference between girls and boys. But I never really came out and when I did, I had already cumulated a lot of experience with boys. Most of them were unhealthy dynamics but I did have some good ones as well. However, I felt pulled to be with women and still do. Mind you, I have never been romantically involved with a woman, only sexual and had a few crushes on them. So, right now, I’m just exploring women in this way and not identifying as anything currently because I don’t really have experience to be certain. But I also feel like you don’t necessarily need that experience to know but for me, it’s more about putting those desires into actions. Yet, I’m scared that I may end up with a man anyway so what’s the point? All that to say, thank you.

So I'm bi and I have a boyfriend. I've been having intrusive thoughts about me being in denial and I'm actually just gay but I know im attracted to my boyfriend and to men too. I've been attracted to men my whole life. And then it's this thought "then why are you questioning it?". It's driving me crazy

So how exactly Fosuing attention to the groin causes physical arousal ?

This all started when my neighbour knocked my door who’s a lesbian so I thought in my head are u attracted to me or what if your attracted to me so I asked myself what does this mean why am I thinking like this does this make me a lesbian now so for weeks I couldn’t eat or sleep I’d cry all the time but now I don’t get anxiety anymore about it the thought is just stuck in my mind and it feels like denial when Iv never ever questioned my sexuality if I try to do erp imagin the worst things I just don’t get anxiety or butterflies I’m confused 🙄🙄😩

I don’t even know if I have ocd but I obsess over the fact i could be gay, it feels like I’m in denial and now I feel like I want and like the thoughts of finding men good looking or living with a man, I just want to go back to how I was

i started to feel good again, after dealing with rocd and accepting the ebb and flow of feelings and attraction in a relationship. now when i experienced an ebb again after some months i guess this time hocd emerged where my brain tries to say that oh you're not attracted to him bcs maybe you're not attracted to boys anymore suddenly??? i know my core fear is losing my partner that's why its so debilitating. because of being anxious all the time we can't feel attraction anyway we cant force it, so it feels worse.

Have you ever had the anxiety of having to know your sexuality 100% and if you don't know it exactly and precisely you are lying to yourself ? And then being in a relationship with opposite sex it feels like you need to be sure you prefer the opposite sex because if you discover that you prefer the same sex you will be lying to yourself to stay in that relationship ? But then feeling so sad and desperate because you will never want to leave your partner you love them so much But ocd is messing up with your brain. And you just have thoughts like : leave him leave him If anyone went through this or even know how to solve it it would be so amazing Thank you all🙏🏻

I'm Straight, Engaged to my Mrs & Getting married to her & This HOCD is a nightmare! (I cant even say the G word by the way Cause every time I say it it triggers me) Everyday I have intrusive thoughts about my Male best friends trying to hit on me. & every time That happens I have to think about my time with my Mrs, Whether that is kissing her, & knowing what she looks like to make sure that that thought will stay with me. & lt also affects me when I'm putting on Clothes Like when I put a t shirt on If the Male best friends thought Image pops in my brain, I have to take it off & put it on again & Think of my Mrs & if the thought of her Stays in there I can keep my T Shirt on. Shopping's Worst as well, like when I pick out an item (Lets say a Pint of Milk) If the thought of my male friends pop up, then I have to Put the item back & Pick out another one while thinking of my Mrs then I can keep the Item. The Same thing can happen with buying Clothes as well. This has only just started happening for a weeks now, Like before It use to happen when it was like watching tv soaps like: EastEnders, Coronation street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks you name it When 2 Men scene is happening I Cant watch That scene cause it will trigger me. If it was 2 Girls kissing it wouldn't bother me cause It felt like having to kiss 2 Girls with me there. What made me speak about this is because a Girl was going through this & a Black man who was going through the same thing on Tiktok & I was happy that I wasn't the only one suffering with this. If the Bisexual Word popped in my head then, That Means still Like Girls & I will only date Girls. But Being Bi isn't what I want & Only Heterosexual is all I want to me & will always Be Straight. But I just Want all these Homo (Also know as the G word) & My male best friends trying to hit on me thought images gone from my head, & Go back to Living my Life with My Mrs, Get Married to her & have a Family Together. I feel like when I become a Dad I Feel Like it will make it easier for me cause I want everyone to know that, Oh look at him spending time with his son/Daughter & His Wife Now that's a perfect Family. The amount of Times I've cried & anxiety I've had over these past few weeks Has not been easy for me. Another Thing as well is that I felt like I can only have female friends, I know anyone with HOCD is different About this but, Whenever I hanged out with Females including my Mrs. It made me feel like the guy who can get all the Girls & Is a Ladies man. Also I watched a lot of Lesbian Or Sexy Thick Girls Corn Hub (With a P instead of a C) And see a Downstairs Growing Response and I still did to The Thick Girls on there. Which I Still felt happy about it, But I didn't want Corn (With a P instead of a C) To be the recovery, So when I spend Quality Time with my Mrs, I feel like that helped me Cause I Can just look at her & See How Beautiful she is. I told my Mrs about The HOCD & She said They are just Thoughts & You Will always Be Straight & Your not gonna Become another Sexuality & She Will Spend as Much Time with me to help you get better. I hear a lot of people say the best Recovery is to Ignore the images & thoughts, which I tried that but it just kept coming back, The TV Actors one I learned to Ignore, But The Thoughts & Images about my best mates Is the one that kept triggering me & being stuck in my head. Another way People say is EPR Therapy, But I'm Scared that They will Judge me. I watched RU-vid Videos About the People going through This, & I feel Like I can talk to them & They can talk to me, Because they will not Judge & and I will Not Judge them, cause they have been through this intense Battle. If Anyone has any Recovered Properly & Knows any Big Tips & Best ways to put a stop to This suffering Progress, Please Let me know & Reply to This. We will get Through This & You are not alone in all This. You are a Legend if you've read all this! Thank You!

I have an anxious attachment style and I know for me I have to have an attachment or connection or crush on someone and for the first time I don’t and now I question that because I don’t have a connection with a male at the very moment or crush or attachment it must mean I’m into females and it’s making me spiral so bad, and I keep panicking and now when I see a female in tiktok where I think she looks pretty even though I know I’m not into girls it makes my stomach drop and my anxiety shoots through the roof.

Hey! Thanks for your video. Is great! I think I struggle with both of them and also jealousy ocd as well? I am lesbian and they were triggered when my ex partner told me she had been with many men before me, and I felt jealous too and started thinking: how do I know if I am lesbian if haven't tried with men. Do I really like her? What if she had better sex with men? I think this fear or doubts happen in lesbians because our sexuality is seen as less in society. That a penis is necessary to have "real" sex and is better. I think i had many intrusive thoughts and doubts because I wanted to know if I was good enough for her. I think sexism plays a role in here since we are little. I even thought what if I want to be a man? But I'm ok with my body. I guess I just felt angry and inferior :c Any thoughts on this OCD?

I like girls I had crushes on girls but now I keep on telling myself that I’m straight and I’m confused that even I try not to look at girls that I’m attracted to

I literally had this problem a day ago

I'm a gay male, and I don't like when thoughts come to my mind like I would never think of it. It's like a nightmare, and it's overwhelming to think that I've been travelling a long path of acceptance that, at the end, it feels like a total lie. It scares me too much, I'm not straight and I don't want to be straight neither bisexual or pansexual.

i just want to get better and feel like i was 2 weeks ago

I’ve overcome ✨

This might sound really stupid, but I have always been straight. Only dated women and never had a second thought about it. I recently had an overdose of edibles (200mg, I have only had edibles 2 or 3 times in my life) at my brothers house. At some point during the trip, I had a thought of "you're gay". I still don't feel any attraction to men, but that thought has been stuck in my head. "What if?" I have been seeing a girl I'm crazy about and now It's driving me crazy. Am I bi? Am I just a knucklehead? I've also had a porn addiction (yes that's real) since I was a pre teen, I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

How do I get rid of this? It makes my life hell on earth and it makes me upset

I’ve never been attracted to men now I feel like I’m attracted to men and get random pics of penis pop in my head and I randomly get aroused, I’ve lost sleep over a girl and now I feel like I randomly like a guy, by the way the first time I got the ocd is because I saw a bodybuilder and I said what if I’m attracted to it know it’s been months and it is worse I am actually feeling attracted to the same sex even though I’ve liked girls before

I wanted to ask. It's my childhood experience that idk why I was searching on google like about rape. Sex. Firstly to know their meanings then maybe in a bad way just to look at the pictures Or idk why it was like something pictures of women idk why. Is this normal? Like or it means I'm bisexual or lesbian.. Now I think about those and I feel so stressed like I didn't searched for men this makes me lesbian or like maybe I'm bisexual oh god.. Please help.. Watching porn made it worse... After leaving it these doubts came to my mind earlier I was always like bf gf is fine.. But now I think I might be influenced by all the shows about lesbian couples.. And these days I m having some thought about women but earlier it was just tv characters now I'm facing it with my sister or mom and that's why I guessed sexuality doesn't mean you will think about your sister. Oh god please add some sense to my brain....

I’ve been tortured by it and I lost desire with my gf as paying much attention on men ...

Why do people write that you have to go through the HOCD to realize you are bisexual? I feel stupid. First, i feared i'm lesbian but i had boyfriends so i thought that I can't be gay, just bisexual and this scrares the shit out me. I know, i'm straight but i hate this bisexual thoughts. So... thank you for the triggering! I hope i will be not bisexual if HOCD will gone.

good viedo but for me at least I'm not actually attracted by the same gender its just anxiety and fear that I am. Might cause some misunderstanding to say that we are actually attracted to that gender because its mostly false

Is it normal for one to feel depressed when dealing with ocd?

Can HOCD be romantic? Like people always talk about “fear” about being sexually atracted to the same gendee, but I feel “fear” of being romantically atracted to same gendee

I have recovered from hocd feel free to ask me any questions 👍

So if this keeps happening more than a week and you keep worrying about this, then it’s hocd right?

I have anxiety and i keep on thinking I'm bisexual and I really really don't want to be

So it doesn’t say who you are? And your sexuality can’t change ?

Hello,I hope all is well,I am just coming to comment about someting that you’ve wrote in your bio,about saying HOCD is not about ‘questioning your sexuality’ or it’s not ‘about what others think’ This is wrong and can be a big trigger for some OCD suffers,be careful what you write and maybe do some more research on this topic 😁

I have had this in waves like 1 month it goes away and another month it’s back is it hocd

Every time I think “what if I’m actually trans” I look at myself in the mirror and I realize that i am beautiful and I don’t want to change myself. But this is a compulsion I do. Which sucks 🤦🏼‍♀️