[SFM] Cooking With G-Man: Headcrab Jambalaya 

It’s Snark Shit, Gordon.

He said roe which is in fact eggs, that wasn't just a bit at the end.

@@Xplainn93 lol

As an unturned chef, He forgot to add some cooked king crab

Boom Boom Boom GMAN OPEN UP! GORDON! TO MUCH SNARK SHIT **Punch with the suitcase**

lol

@FayzoRake Gay Man

No the man is gentleman (he has a suit)

Gcooking man

Gourmand in this case. His name constantly changes based on situation. If he was hitman the G-man would probably stand for Gun - Man LoL.

Well... Gman did warn us to prepare our anus for unforseen consequences.

Oh dear Gordon, could you please pass the toilet paper? It appears I've had a resonance cascade in the bathroom

"given the appetite of my employers"

What if, I could offer you, some, soup you didn't know you wanted?

@@yetson Resonance cascade shall be my new phrase for monster shits.

Gordon doesn't need to know all that, he's a highly trained professional.

Lol fr

this implies he's saying everything like a 2 year old for fun

He needed that to be perfectly clear

Exactly, He is so adorable in this one! like a old man very excited to teach people about something they like!!!

1:38 i dont know man this is even more unsettling to me

guy who tells the time That’s actually my favorite part. the hesitation in his voice and the repetition of the word “and” just crack me up every time

@@salmiac-3105 Ikr! XD The way G-Man talks in the memes is extremely funny and even cute sometimes.

I AM YOUR 1000TH LIKE bud

fellow flushed emoji pfp user

Sheranox 😳

Dragons blush for marriage. You straight up are getting that b-carriage. 🤣

The flush love

Why is this wholesome

Over... and over... and over again on repeat.

Half life 2 starts because gordon told him to shut up, and gman was so confused he let gordon go

the only thing Gordon saw other than the endless void was Gman in his kitchen

plot twist : it was gordon ramsey

I was looking for this comment

This is what he does in between games

All the channels are just parody’s of tv shows with gman

And Adrian Shepherd.

@@Eggzboss drake n josh but it's just gman

​@neru1584 the power puff girls but its ALL GMAN

And if not Earth, at the very least Uranus!

So, wake up, Mr. Freeman... Hhh... Wake up and... Smell the Headcrab Jambalaya.

@@briancahill9594 😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭

Underrated comment

@Phaze Pro Playz "The right spice on the wrong step can make all the differences.. in your intestines..."

Canon lol

i can see gman and gordon arguing like an old married couple

Now just imagine that Orange County Choppers meme only with Gordon and G-Man, lol...

I was thinking this is post half life alyx so gman is fed up with Gordon and is trying to get him to eat snark shit

G man is wrong roe are eggs not shit I’m totally on Gordon’s side here

Yessssss lolol

Seinfeld but it’s all G-man

@@wtftv42 oh no

How to commit suicide in stasis?

@Shiva R Who is to say he doesn't just put on a wig?

Gordon ramsay

@@TheAlfieReal YEah

​@@TheAlfieRealHalf-Life, but you play as Gordon Ramsay, and the Combine are finally broken from their streak of taking over worlds and brutally ruling over the various inhabitants by some good-ass Earth food.

or both

Definitely the former

You can tell that it is the 20 mins of laughter at 1:36

@@crazylemon7057 t h i s b a b y g o n n a b e h o t

lol

Rather an anticlimax after what you've just eaten

It's time to eat...

thank you buddy i havent laughed like that in a while

Wake up Mr. Freeman. Wake up and smell the Jambalaya.

LMFAO

Underrated comment.

Quality :)

Deserves more likes

That pun was predictable, corny and absolutely horrible. And I adore it.

The right man with the wrong dish can make all the difference in the world... So wake up Mr. Freeman, wake up and smell the ashes... *Gordon's left something heating in the oven and Gman placed him in stasis for a short while on purpose and now his whole kitchen is burning*

No, G-Man had to go get the ingredients himself and unfortunately there were no other containers.

No wonder he wants us to prepare are anus for unforseen events

Я не думаю, что Гмэн знает это)

@@timurbriukhov3646 ну знаешь, он ведь всё же межпространственная сущность. Я более чем уверен что он это отлично знает и просто решил жестоко подшутить над Гордоном

@@pug-aloentertainment3801 G-man знает русский)

It literally says "Detergent" in Russian on the label.

@@lev7509 well, no, it *literally* says "washing agent" or some other noun with a similar meaning, since "средство" is kind of like "means" but referring in this context to a fluid or compound. "A means for cleaning". That's what a literal translation is. The bottle looks like a bottle of dish soap, however.

@@MegaAdeny you're also correct.

My suggestion would be to replace it in your mind with "gumbo" - and yes, that would make him G(umbo)-Man lol

That, and the fact that he apparently thinks that roe is equivalent to excrement. Obviously, a chef he ain't.

@Some Idiot Amazing.

@@LucidPoseidon Clearly "snark roe" is some kind of local colloquial label, no doubt from the quaint village the recipe came from. I won't hear any more badmouthing of G-Man.

@TheGrouchyGamer Snark roe a local colloquialism? Well I'm from city-17 and I've never heard it.

I think the best part was when he phrased anus as a question like he genuinely forgot what it was called for a split second

RobbieVasVA usually just calls it his dick grip

@doodle dude gaming Bruh, I can eat Taco Bell all day with no issue.

I wonder what the unforeseen consequences are if it's clearly warned in advance

@@brycejohansen7114 Shitting headcrab babies

Is is normal to hear this in the sicintist voice...

@@gasrim yes

lol

Even trained in operating military and alien weaponry and climbing ladders at 100 mph without using hands

I remember when this comment was a top comment in the CBT video.

he really just did all this to make gordon eat shit and canal waste

Yup he did

Don't forget the little chirp the snark makes after he says it before the music starts playing again

The music cuts off and then the italian music comes back

@@jeremyabbott4537 And detergent.

Valve just wants his "jambalaya" for themselves!

HEY, STOP DOING WHAT IS IMPOSSIBLE, gordln can't talk...

A man who feeds his guests snark shit should be feared.

It's a direct reference to that moment in Half-Life 2 near the beginning when you're in Kleiner's lab and Lamarr is introduced to us. Kleiner says: "Never fear, Gordon, she's de-beaked and completely harmless. The worst she might do is attempt to couple with your head. Fruitlessly!" That blank stare is G-Man laughing inside, knowing that he's stolen Lamarr from Kleiner and is about to cook her.

it's fucking RAW!!!

The right lamb sauce in the wrong place can make all the difference.

Gordon Ramsay?

@@xfactoid A Civvie-11 fan?

Sewer reference count: 523

I'd like to think that's the Gordon he's talking to in the video.

He's Gordon's man, that's the secret to his name

lol

Gordon freeman seconds name is Ramsay confirmed???

Gordon ramsay is Gordon freeman

agreed

They really should

So a slice of half-life?

Agreed

Start a petition

and this of course is the main one he has to watch on loop when there's nothing else on at the moment.

Once in a Lifetime is MTV.

TV shows but they're all Gman

I want to see a romantic drama where everyone is G-Man

And there are only a few programs coz gman can't be bothered to make more

*sits on table*

@@mrfoxfam_doesstuff6252 oh e-mployeers! My headcrab jambalaya is ruined!

@@hainzofelps626 ...but what if... i were to get some pure xen-crystals and disguise them as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, G!

“G-man!” “Dr Freeman! I was just.... stretching my Cavs on the *swallows saliva * window sill. A rather... interesting, Issssometric exercise. Would you care to... join me?

Ah, Dr Freeman, I hope you’re ready for an unforeseen consequence!

1:42

"They're waiting for you Gordon, in the lavatoryyyyy chamberrrrr"

_chapter 1_

And get some tape...

Spicy food

I'd Actually enjoy this

With that in mind I think it's hilarious that G-Man chose royalty-free accordion music to serenade Gordon.

plot twist: Gman actually caught Gordon and tied him up to torture him.

Snark shit gordon

What do you think he was doing in the time between Half-Life and Half-Life: Alyx?

You seen the end of alyx? spoilers Eli is fucking livid at Gman

@@batfacesirbatsalot1999 yes but he's never been necessarily annoyed at gman

Underrated comment, my dude

yes

Were you there when Young Zapod Beeblebrox witnessed him escape into the past? That was a weird one. Thankfully, there was a anachronistic being who recorded that event, which was translated into a story by Douglas Adams. I think it’s called, “Young Zapod Plays It Safe”.

@@TimeTravelinc A man of culture I see.

I was gonna like it but its on the funny 666 number.

This is great

It needs more attention.

"You know this Crab-Bonanza looks an awful lot like the Combine Burgers they give as handouts."

Gordon: ...

"Err Gordon... I didn't know you could speak?" "Well you see... I- I should- excuse me for a second..." "Of course" "..." "Wha-"

Seinfeld but is Half-Life

@@Shrek_es_mi_pastor Does that mean occasionally, Gordon Freeman has weird dreams in stasis where he’s Sinfield, Kleiner is George and the G-Man is Kramer? Cause I’d see that.

@@TimeTravelinc Yes. Exactly that.

G-Man: Ah, I need.. Your help. Can you.. Come.. Here? Kleiner: Uh, I can't, I'm buying clothes. G-Man: Ah, Well.. Hurry up and.. Come over here. Kleiner: I can't find them. G-Man: What do.. You mean you.. Can't.. Find them? Kleiner: I can't find them, there's only cascade resonance. G-Man: What do you.. Mean there's.. Only.. Cascade resonance? Kleiner: It means there's only cascade resonance. G-Man: Well then.. Get out of.. The cascade resonance.. Isle! Kleiner: Alright, you don't have to shout at me! ... There's more cascade resonance! G-Man: A-Ah, what do.. You mean there's.. More cascade resonance?! Kleiner: There's just more cascade resonance! G-Man: Go into.. The next isle! Kleiner: There's still cascade resonance! G-Man: Where.. ARE you.. Right now? Kleiner: I'm at cascade resonance! G-Man: WHAT DO.. YOU MEAN YOU'RE.. _AT_ CASCADE RESONANCE?! Kleiner: I MEAN I'M AT CASCADE RESONANCE! G-Man: WHAT.. STORE.. ARE YOU IN?! Kleiner: I'M AT THE CASCADE RESONANCE STORE! G-Man: WHY ARE YOU.. BUYING CLOTHES.. AT.. *THE CASCADE RESONANCE STORE?!?!* Kleiner: *FUCK YOU!!*

OMG what if it was like Drake and Josh with but like just Gman as a single dad.....

Detergent*

Not really a healthy meal

Субтитры говорят: после такого соуса хрен из туалета вылезешь 😅

66 likes. Execute Order 66

The translation also says Detergent by google translate

Yea like for the first 20 seconds i honestly thought it was a really well done voice clip edit but nah, just talent

They absolutely nailed it.

I wonder if it is possible in this day and age to use machine learning to get the actual G man voice to say anything. Although this probably sounds better than it would.

Is the pun intended

​@@holobolo1661 Technically, yes. Unfortunately, it can't yet be done _believably_ .

lmao "Detergent"

1:06 I only just noticed the bottle does not come with metric measurements

@@qingyangzhang6093 ok

"*Моющее средство*" means *soap for dishes*

Well it could be lemon flavour

Ohh freman today I'm gonna show you how to make campfire by short circuiting alien equipment

Spoiler alert: the lemon juice is detergent.

Well just so you know make sure no one is in the bathroom when you eat this or don’t have white walls in your house their finna become brown

He. Mixed. Shit. Into. It

@@le_mothman no eggs

*Prepare, Your... Anus... For unforeseen... consequences*

Ikr! lol Is Gordon the cameraman?

And even the music stops.

don't knock it till you try it

Or perhaps he knew and he was trying to get gordon to eat shit

It's like him and gordon had a argument on what roe means

And what are you doing with lamarr?!

I Noticed That That's Not Lamarr It's Beaked

- gordon framsan

I came here looking for this comment I am satisfied

FOOKING RAW

It must have been truly terrible to have made Gordon yell like that.

Gordon Ramsey Mod required!

Crying, because that implies something made the G MAN cry

He sounds to me like a meat puppet that is being controlled by something has a pretty good but not perfect understanding of how to speak with meat. Or he sounds like he's being forcibly controlled to talk by something else, and is trying to fight against it. Losing, but trying.

In reality he’s an all business man

@@RedshirtAfficionado no shit, sherlock

@@WillButtlerYeets Evidently it’s not that simple since you compared him to Sheogorath.

He does claim to have employers, it's entirely possible they're even more powerful than he is and have ways of keeping him in check in a similar vein to how he does with the main cast, I think it'd be a neat idea if it turned out that beyond g-man there was just a never ending line of increasingly powerful and incomprehensible beings who aren't actually able to do much with it because of their kafkaesque power structure

@@nexusconnection22 I have a feeling his "employers" are just copies of himself in other dimensions and timelines. Notice the silhouettes that emanate from him in "Half-Life: Alyx" after she asks for the combine to be 'nudged' off Earth; literally directly after he speaks of his employers claiming that it's too big of a nudge. His employers are him(s).

Or laughing

Oh, he's ready to have some kind of crisis there

@@SalesmanWave or both

laughed so hard I choked on my jambalaya

Only blyatman's will understand

i may be no blyatman, but i can read it, блин. and this is absolutely funny

STILL NO BUTTON THO HEY GUYS ARE YOU LISTENING? NO? sigh they're still pushing

not pushing buttons and letting the feeling build until i panic and do it anyway? yeah bro

I love you.

Jambalaya for breakfast sounds like the most Cajun thing ever loljknotCajunnoideawhattheywouldconsiderastereotypicalbreakfastanyCajunsfeelfreetocorrectme

Imagine him in an apron while saying this, a pink frilly one.

*rise and dine

"or rather... smell the ashes"

@@brbbiobreak then that means he has burnt the kitchen down

is russian detergent lemon juice or is g-man's lemon juice detergent ? the world will never know.

Either way, it's lemon-scented and a liquid, so it'll have to do!

We're in an apocaliptic scenario man, we have to do with what we got.

actually russian uses lemon juice as detergent

@@azyjmexcuseokstop924 yes.

now that hla is out, you can even do it urself

I did, still disappointed with the lack of melee@@xxOfluttershyOxx

🤣

Dr. Magnussen's favorite

I'd prefer some seasoned Bullsquid roast with Vortigaunt sauce and Headcrab legs on the side.

Rat Pot Pie

Gordon asked too many questions and G-man was getting annoyed

Is that one of the crystals from lm3

*M o o d*

That pause

Ikr

@@silentfilms7459 lol

I can see it now: 'G-Man Cooking Tutorial: Making a Chilli Con Carne': G-Man: "After you have… smashed the Garlic… clove, Gordon, you must… slice… the onions, hm…? When both… tasks are completed, Mr. Freeman, you have… two choices. You can… place them both, in the frying pan, or… eat them raw and, suffer the… foreseen consequences of your actions. I wish to give you a… fighting chance, of retaining your tastebuds, hm…? So the… preferable option would be to put the… onions and garlic in the pan and… forget what I said about eating… the ingredients raw."

Yes-man.

"G-MAN, SNARK ROE MEANS EGGS, NOT SHIT! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH LAMARR?!

And here I thought "Leman juice" was stored in the Space Wolves' progenoid glands lol

you know how i know you're russian? 😁

No wonder why he sprayed it in his eyes and it stung more than it normally should! 🤔

he definitely did. especially Lamar.

It's a direct reference to that moment in Half-Life 2 near the beginning when you're in Kleiner's lab and Lamarr is introduced to us. Kleiner says: "Never fear, Gordon, she's de-beaked and completely harmless. The worst she might do is attempt to couple with your head. Fruitlessly!" That blank stare is G-Man laughing inside, knowing that he's stolen Lamarr from Kleiner and is about to cook her.

*ha*

@@cletusmandeletusman2328 ho

@@ifitsnotbrokedontfixit24435 he

@@insert_username_here hu

@@avery1647 hy

О

Наш человек... Надеюсь

Да

Or dishwashing liquid

I knew that bottle looked off

at least he wasn't bored

“Please....enjoy your...selected entertainment”

Хахахаха. Теперь, когда я нашел вас, я отправлю вас на остров PYCCKNN.

Please god fucking save him if this is what he suffers on a daily basis

In your bowels!

"I never thought I'd see a Resonance Cascade, let alone create one!"

He did once call the dish Cascade Jambalaya, I was pretty sure he actually meant it to be a recipe to Resonance Cascade

Cleaning agent for fiber build-up...in your bowels, Mister Freeman...

Lemon juice is very acidic. Good for cleaning corrosion.

@@benjaminoechsli1941 Solved it.

I mean it could be lemon scented

@@RazorsharpLT Jee, I didn' no wonder thaat... You's sir sure opened my eyes der'. Gon' take a sip right now den, hee-haw ! :)

"Prepare your anus for..." *"...Unforeseen Consequences."*

He is sitting like he thinks that he can sell it out whitout body language

Yeah. Wheres the rice???

Give him a break, he's a transcended being from a level 3 civilization. He's unaware of our primitive 3 dimensional customs.

I like to imagine G-Man just calls all Earth food "soup".

Jambalaya sucks. Who mixes rice with tomato sauce? Gumbo's pretty good though.

Not from Louisiana, but a lifelong cook. I am equally offended.

i think it got deleted :((

Wtf that was the best comment

@3D Modeller It was cringe, clearly.

cringe

He sounds like he's about to nut😆

He sounds like hes getting that non mechanical reproduction simulation

valve knows the importance of this freedom. This is why i stilk respect it as a company.

lol

And the facial expression matches it.

Hi

I've heard of dietary cleanses, but this is ridiculous!

Well, where else was he going to put the lemon juice? In the sark? No.

Don't you... Hmmm... Agree, Gordon?