Should a Wife Take Her Husband's Last Name? | Ep. 222

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Jeff Bethke and Jeremy Pryor talk about if a wife should take her husband's last name.

Опубликовано:

31 дек 2019

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Комментарии : 170

@girlhelp4447 3 года назад

Me personally if I do get married I would want to choose a last name with my husband so it’s not him taking mine or me taking his its ours together

@marsb1386 3 года назад

I just wish this question someday becomes a two way question socially. That is only possible when more and more couples choose to do different things. Normalizing different options. Especially the bride’s name also. This is more of social problem. people tend to send letters and wedding gifts on grooms surname. Call her by his name even before the wedding takes place. Find it disturbing that of the only woman. You see the problem. people talk it’s a choice of the person legally changing it or not But why that of the only woman? This problem is more to do with social than legal. I find the “Who wears the pants in the relationship” is incredibly offensive and outdated. And that it should be the man. it should be the two individuals choice how they want to define their relationship but society doesn’t give a chance. I thought marrying for financial reasons have long gone but unfortunately the definition of marriage has stayed the same in the society even today. Two people maybe working but society still wants to define who wearing the pants or the primary provider, that to be the man. Finding this incredibly offensive and outdated. In a partnership no one need to aspire to a particular role.

@natural3362 3 часа назад

@@marsb1386yeah! It's a partnership!

@amberstanton4179 3 года назад

Yes! Preserve the ancestry by preserving the last names as do the Spanish. I love that tradition of teaching the future generations how we all connected.

@samyakhp4353 3 года назад

Unfortunately we can't take last names of both parents. Imagine your child has 2 surnames (mother and Father's), their children will have and their children will have 8,16 and so on.. ! Hence it is very illogical. Merging both the surnames would mean that both of your surnames are lost.

@anateresa4862 2 года назад

@@samyakhp4353 in Mexico everyone gets two surnames, you get one from your dad and one from your mom. They don't just keep adding on, that would be silly

@sebastianshine4262 2 месяца назад

@@anateresa4862 meaning, the entire point of keeping both family trees alive is a lie from the get go? Why take 2 lastnames then? If there is no upside...well, I can guarantee you there is definitely a huge downside to not taking only one to symbolize unity.

@natural3362 3 часа назад

@@sebastianshine4262it's not taking only one. It's you who want to make women property by having her have your last name and use her as a tool to further your family. It's woman that is merged to your family but you didn't merge to hers.. Meaning there is no unison.. There is just adding a member to your family

@eastt6405 4 года назад

A man taking his wife's last name will definitely become more common over the next couple years. There are many cases where it has happened out of necessity or just because of simplicity with documentation today. It just depends on the relationship and the circumstances of it.

@gargantuan4696 2 года назад

Depends how much of a beta simp you are

@nickphillips8682 7 месяцев назад

Yeah if he's a CUCKboi

@sebastianshine4262 2 месяца назад

true and those children will struggle a lot in life, while those from a family unit will thrive. Hence the tradition will live on despite those who unfortunately were misguided into believing it has more upside to get rid of this particular tradition than it is to keep it

@anbr90 4 года назад

I think its important for a family to share a last name for the reasons you mention in this clip. Although obviously it should be up to the couple to choose whether to take the husbands or the wife’s last name as theirs when they marry. In my circle of friends and family people have just gone with the one they find the prettiest or most unique regardless of if it was the guys or the girls family name.

@jen.j3878 3 года назад

@Elija Adam some cultures don’t have last names and thus take on first name of their parent.

@jen.j3878 3 года назад

I’m though would like to see the day when it’s acceptable for a man to change his name. “Do whatever you want” is in legal perspective not socially. Although this name issue is a social issue not a legal one. “Do whatever you want” is still not the norm. That is good rule to choose whichever one is unique.

@jen.j3878 3 года назад

@Elija Adam what culture are you from?

@jen.j3878 3 года назад

@Elija Adam Interesting. Never heard of that.

@jen.j3878 3 года назад

@Elija Adam I know who they are. I mean I never heard that this was there in their culture.

@natural3362 3 часа назад

Me personally i want to have a unique surname. Then when I'm married I'll make a new unique surname that my kids will inherit as to show they were born from the union of ours

@alphonseknight8539 2 года назад

Surname is important I'm my culture. A father's surname will live on through his son and his generation.

@ixxtefani 2 года назад

Not a problem in south america. We have like 3 names. Ours, ours mother’s last name and ours father’s last name. When we get married, we just add the husband’s last name. No surname is missed.

@elsa2885 2 года назад

do ur husband add ur last name too or its just wife?

@ixxtefani 2 года назад

@@elsa2885 they can add the wife’s last name too if they want

@user-tj8jb1lt7b 2 года назад

Lol of course it is not a problem in your South America because women do change and men do or do not change based on their choices.

@alotlater1905 3 года назад

Man don't want marriage anyway. Take the name out? Take the merriage out 🤔

@leonardo899 3 года назад

Somehow I feel that good-looking guys, should not give biblical advice. They inspire too much lust.

@kristintheartist 3 года назад

I’ll pray for you that you follow Jesus and get saved

@pullmyfinger6874 2 года назад

Ur comment seriously made me smile n chuckle. Good one!

@blue1q3lovely Год назад

I wonder if they have a discus discussion when two men want to marry each other about their last name?!

@agentrocklee 2 года назад

I'm living in the F**king Twilight Zone!!!

@DoughBoy-jt3gm 2 года назад

Yes !!

@briansmith9238 Год назад

My two sense is that when a couple gets married they should go with the least common of the two surnames because the point of a last name today is to be identifiable. The way things are going in a couple hundred years we are all going to be Smith and Johnson. We need to start putting functionality over pride.

@soothingsoundssleepmeditation Год назад

😂😂😂 already a smith myself

@AudioZealot Месяц назад

Smith family is winning lol

@eddiethomas558 2 года назад

What if her last name is her ex-husband's name 🤔

@AudioZealot Месяц назад

That's a rough situation

@STONESGAM 3 года назад

Honestly this is one thing where I think the couple should choose. Some guys would probably like to ditch their last name if it's tough to pronounce or something. I am red pilled and not a feminist type guy either but I really think that this tradition should end. I'm not sure why men would care if their last name lives on if they didn't care for it or choose it in the first place. Your bloodline will still live on.

@wolfmeadows 3 года назад

@leeolson5475 2 года назад

The name of your channel is five minute fatherhood yet you did not provide an exact answer to how a father/future father should tackle this question

@patilabhinav7941 2 года назад

Yeah cause she asks for alimony and child support

@PeepingUkulele 3 года назад

How is genealogy lost in this day in age by names?

@STRANGELOVE652 3 года назад

My mom’s last name sounds cooler so I’m keeping it

@lyn6197 4 года назад

Reasons I did not take my husband's name 1. I'm 💯 gender equality advocate This was a test for my husband, if he would have refused to accept me keeping my last name as it meant I would've had to lose more in future....it was a test for me, it was my first time going against the norm for something this major...perfect opportunity for me to show people I'm my own person and I don't conform, I live by my own rules not by rules someone I don't know created hundreds of years ago. 2. My name has nothing to do with my love for my husband, it's my identity and I'm keeping it no matter what. Simple. 3. My husband didn't want to consider taking my name so why should I? He also didn't want a new name we make together (& I didn't like the ideal too much either because people will automatically assume I took his last name). We both kept our identity, no one lost their identity simply because they got married. 4. We don't need same name to feel/be United (it does make documentation easier sometimes but keeping my last name is worth the occasional struggle ) 5. I don't believe in "head" of the household, we do everything together and respect each other equally. We're a team, not a leader and follower. 6. I cherish my dad, if I didn't I would've changed my last name to something I picked out. And it makes it easier knowing it's a name I'm used to and everyone knows me by that name. And I love the name. 7. I like people calling me Ms. & my last name- instead of Mrs. I hate the sound of Mrs. 8. If my husband and I have a kid it'll take both of our names, because we're both the parent, so we'll both be represented on legal documents and both be represented whenever someone calls that child's name. I rebuke anyone who calls me Mrs. Intentionally. I disrespect those who disrespect me intentionally. Anyone who decides to live in medieval times can go ahead, anyone who wants to find modern meaning in the traditional reasons why women took their husband's name- go ahead, anyone who wants to hyphenat go ahead. Everyone has their reasons and all reasons are equal because it's everyone's choice to make, do what makes you happy just don't force it on others. If anyone strongly believe they need to keep their name after marriage, I urge you to do so. Live true to yourself (not just regarding name but regarding everything else in your life) and people's criticism will fade away eventually. If a man threatens to end an engagement because of your decision to keep your name, that is a major red flag...but try to make him understand that your love doesn't have anything to do with his name,if he's too shallow to understand that it's your choice regarding what life you want to live....what examples you want to set for others, yourself, and your maybe kids. Back in the day many women weren't employed, couldn't wear pants, and etc and etc. All those things, people in those times had their reasons, as people in our times do. At the end of the day, if you have a choice why act like you don't? I'd rather be persecuted for a choice that is true to my beliefs and values than to be applauded for something that goes against my values and beliefs and what makes me feel happy.... Husband and I been together for almost 9 years, married 3 of those years & not a day do we fight about gender issues or last name. I think for him it was just one of those things he expected, he was entitled to for having a penis...but he changed his mind before marriage because I wasn't having it. Now, it's not a big deal to him...not a deal at all actually. At the end of the day I believe he's proud of me for standing up to people in the community who criticized me. He knew I was a different woman when he asked me out, and I plan on being ME. I can be ME and still love him wholeheartedly...

@OnixpectedYT 3 года назад

You’re like mmmm 🤔 the new generational feminist.

@samyakhp4353 3 года назад

It is funny that you like to keep your father's name but you child will not have the same privilege. If you were a logical women you would have understood one thing : if your kid has 2 surnames, marries and have kids, his/her kids will have 3-4 surnames, their kids will have 5,6,7,8 surnames! Most impractical idea. Just because your take his surname doesn't mean you are his slave. You are saving the surname of your father passed on to him by his father and so on (This isn't women empowerment)

@stephaniesigns6782 3 года назад

@divyanshu pandey That's not right to force a woman to change her name.

@stephaniesigns6782 3 года назад

@@samyakhp4353 you're being ignorant. Let's say a woman who has a hyphenated name is going to get married to man whose name isn't hyphenated. The woman could easily drop one of the hyphenated names and put her husbands name on there. So that way both names are preserved. The couple could choose a different name. It just depends on the relationship. Why does it always have to be the woman that has to give up her name. Her legacy is just as important as any mans.

@nikhilpandey1998 3 года назад

Idiots

@naytendox Год назад

BIBLICALLY a woman is to submit to her Husband as does man to Christ. God made marriage in the purpose and with great intent. To submit to a Husband is not how modern day society has twisted it to be. Do I say to submit to Christ and follow him is bad? No, so why do we say to submit to a Husband who practices unconditional love, protection and sacrifice for his wife is bad? To take on his surname is to become one, what God word teaches. To not want to take your spouses name is not a mind issue, its a heart issue and a clear rebellion to something much greater.

@benjialvarito5998 Год назад

So where in the Bible does it talk about wife adopting husband's last name? The new testament clearly suggests avoiding unnecessary cultural norms to bring about burden to our lives.

@naytendox Год назад

@benjialvarito5998 lol guess you didn't read what I put. Just as you are not willing to submit to such a small thing how can you expect to submit to Gof. His word speaks of marriage aa a conjoining of a man and a woman; coming together as one. Taking of the same last name is symbolic of that. The man's last name particularly is more symbolic as God's word speaks of the husband as the head role of thr marriage as Christ is the head of his bride. Last names were not a thing back then so clearly won't say it so perfectly black and white for you, then again I can tell by your reply and lack of understanding that your mind cannot be changed; it's a heart issue

@benjialvarito5998 Год назад

@N you say taking husbands' last name is symbolic of union as one under God This is the exact point. I respect and admire when someone does that to show their heart and commitment. However, that is CULTURUAL, not BIBLICAL. I'm trying to refute that notion. I'm a Christian man from Asia. Where I'm from married couple don't share same last name. Simply, both keep their given last name. If this notion is biblical I would have expected an excerpt from the bible.

@naytendox Год назад

@benjialvarito5998 to play devils advocate, many things we go by in life, that did not exist during biblical times (Culturally Created) we still continue to go by, such as the creation of last names to begin with. Should I not have a last name because it doesn't say I should or should not have one according to the Bible? No, we use the wisdom and knowledge/teachings of the Bi le ti make correct discernment. For the longest time in my life I went by the notion of "but does it say that in the Bible?" But realized that a lot of things we do today, including how we live life does not say it specifically in the Bible but there are teachings to help me discern what to actually do and what not to do. This is my view, brought about by my own study and experience

@cbtam4333 7 месяцев назад

@@benjialvarito5998 You make an excellent point. If some people prefer to use the wife’s surname to symbolize the distinct gender roles in a marriage by having the wife change her name to the husband’s name, there’s nothing wrong with that. But there’s also nothing in the Bible that requires it, or even suggests or implies that it should be done. People can choose to symbolize the husband’s and wife’s distinct roles in any number of ways. There’s nothing about surnames that intrinsically relates to gender roles within marriage. In most cultures of the world, including many Western cultures outside of British culture, surnames signify family heritage, birth origins, lineage, bloodline, tribal or ethnic ancestry, or patrilineal descent much more than marital status or marital relationship. This is why in most cultures women do not give up their birth names, which come from their fathers and identify their lineage and ancestry for life. It has nothing to do with subverting gender roles. Many of these cultures have even more traditional gender roles than are found in the U.S. American Christian men who marry women of different ancestral lineages, ethnic groups or races do not expect their wives to change their ancestral, ethnic, or racial identities to match the husband, because none of those things are seen to relate to biblical gender roles in marriage. That they nonetheless firmly believe shared surnames signify biblical gender roles is based more on their own cultural preferences than anything found in the Bible. Cultural blinders may prevent them from seeing this.

@GBU61 2 года назад

If a woman wants to keep her maiden name that is fine. Just stay single! If I am expected to take on all the additional responsibilities that marriage brings, especially the financial aspect, and do all the traditional roles, then she WILL take my name. The big issue today is women are no longer willing to do the traditional roles they always have, but still expect a man to. The entire issue with the name is about submission and who will lead. If she demands to keep her maiden name, and will not accept a role that allows both to fit into a healthy relationship, Then it leads to role confusion. Women want a strong, successful man or she will not respect him. If I allow the name issue to go her way, then I am setting myself up for her to walk all over me. She WILL not be happy and eventually she loses respect and the marriage will fail. There is a reason that traditional roles worked for thousands of years. Any man who has self-respect would never marry a woman who wants to keep her maiden name. If she wants to keep it, then go find some weak man to accept it.

@marsb1386 2 года назад

There maybe two roles but who says you take the family responsibility? What if woman comes to you and says..she will be the one in taking care of the financials cause that is what she is Better at...what you’ll do? Would you take her name. Society should also accept female lead relationships equally socially. The entire name issue is submission and who will lead. Exactly! There are cultures where woman is considered the head. Men do submit to their wife’s All I’m saying is people should have the freedom to define their relationship however they want. Marriage should be about partnership not ownership and if so you must also accept female lead relationships equally and socially.

@cherishdiuto3610 2 года назад

You are so arrogant and hopefully no woman suffers the pain of marrying you

@olivej696 2 года назад

Have traditional roles actually worked though?

@elsa2885 2 года назад

shut idiot living in backward era . Pls stay single . In this era with lots of educated women u will hardly find a stupid lady like u . People made women to follow their rules created by men now women are educated and have choices and they dont want to follow biased rules created by men for men .

@elsa2885 2 года назад

Plssssss stay single and dont marry . The women who will marry u will suffer by ur unwanted dominance people want women to be submissive to satisfy their male ego ur a clear example of weak men who wants women to satisfy his male ego.

@marisanoelle5174 3 года назад

my bf wouldn’t take my last name so i wouldn’t consider taking his 🤷🏻‍♀️ Id like to keep my name. Also, women are so much more powerful and give life. We should be taking women’s last names if anything. Taking a mans last name is patriarchic and we need to get rid of it.

@walterstanford7786 3 года назад

I'm planning on taking my wife last name it's going too try and plan it out very romantically where I will be blending everything together (as in wedding and name change all into one.)

@mazza8408 3 года назад

It's like you didn't listen to anything that's very tone deaf

@samuelsmiley5940 3 года назад

But its not her name, its her fathers name 🙈 six of one, half a dozen of the other if you ask me

@jen.j3878 3 года назад

@Jay no matter what name she has. It’s hers. It would just be considered as HER name. Her name is to hers as much as his name is to his. If you were given a hat it is yours no matter where you got it from. not all men have father’s name. Some men have mother’s name. A woman’s name. And not all women have father’s name. And not all cultures have last names to begin with. They go by first names of the parents. So the child can be given mother’s name/first name as last name to her daughter.

@jen.j3878 3 года назад

@Jay yes I had to mention everything. You were trying to say women don’t have name their own. I m saying that what they are bringing onto the table is their name no matter who they got it from. not all people have father’s name as I mentioned. some cultures don’t have last names. they take their parent first name as their last name. In that case, it would be her own name.

@thefever742 2 года назад

So then why do I have to buy her a ring? That’s also a weird exchange. We can keep this going all night until we just remove marriage completely.

@YouYou-sm8tf 2 года назад

You don’t have to buy a ring or to get married. I’m a woman and I don’t want to get married. My boyfriend think I don’t love him. But I do. Just I don’t believe in love forever. We can fall out of love or fall for someone else at any time.

@user-tj8jb1lt7b 2 года назад

Buying a ring for the woman and going down on one knee is a tradition too. It is the same as men expecting their wives to change their surname after marriage. Nowadays a lot of women go down one knee so I am sure a lot of men can change their name after marriage too. It is not only the man who is carries the family bloodline but also the woman. We both(daughter and son) come from both parents. Genetically a person carries more of the mother's genes than the father's. But apparently everyone likes to disregard women and their contributions in society. All these traditions/customs are inter connected to each other. We have to change them gradually through education and understanding and acceptance.

@marissajensen Год назад

Can she? Sure. Should she? That's no one else's business. There is NO non-misogynistic argument for a wife taking her husband's last name that couldn't be switched to having a husband take his wife's last name.

@disappointment2657 2 года назад

Also children taking father's name is stupid! If I carried that baby for nine months then gave birth it should have my name! It just doesn't make sense to me for the baby to take the father's name!

@GBU61 2 года назад

If the father is of high value, you would. If the father is Bill Gates, then you would be happy to name the child Gates!

@marsb1386 2 года назад

@@GBU61 what if the mother is in high value?

@disappointment2657 2 года назад

@@GBU61 I still wouldn't and since richer men seem more open minded in my opinion I think it would be even more easier to explain but what else can I say to you!

@BuryMeInBabylon 2 года назад

@@marsb1386 she’d take the man’s last name only low value women dont

@Jane-il5hw Год назад

Agree completely

@angelaqassis5815 2 года назад

Never taking a man's last name. We either create a new name, which makes sense because we are uniting and making a new family therefore.. a new name is appropriate. Or we aren't getting married in the first place because a woman taking her husband's last name is just another patriarchal norm that shows a woman is announcing she is the submissive and inferior partner. Submission is not for me.

@MadeInManny0161 2 года назад

Bet if you met a celebritiy your taking his last name..🤣

@angelaqassis5815 2 года назад

@@MadeInManny0161 Nope, my integrity is more important to me than fame.

@ojalara3937 2 года назад

Your integrity is more important than you taking your husbands last name? You sound hard to deal with

@angelaqassis5815 2 года назад

@@ojalara3937 so having core values like standing equal to my husband and not be submissive and inferior by taking his last name makes me hard to deal with? Then I am hard to deal with 😉

@cL-bf2ug 2 года назад

U have a pretty cool surname. Don’t change it

@boogiespadina8375 2 года назад

If i cant pass on my fathers last name to my children, i will not marry that woman. That woman has made herself unmarriable.

@YouYou-sm8tf 2 года назад

Don’t marry, it’s your right. And it’s her right to not give up her maiden’s name.

@yardleyhbk 2 года назад

Facts.....these modern women are crazy in the mind

@marissajensen Год назад

Thanks for giving all women that warning 👋🏻 a man who is so prideful that he must control the very name of his wife is unmarriable

@anupamaMall 2 года назад

I am not gonna waste my time on all the expensive paperwork for such a sexist practice. If I have kids they are getting my name too 🤷‍♀️

@gargantuan4696 2 года назад

Enjoy being single

@earthangel3503 2 года назад

I will not change my last name

@josephlemons 4 года назад

I would think any wife would be excited to take her husbands last name

@iluvhorseys95 4 года назад

joseph lemons I was but I can see reasons why a woman may not want to. For example, she is a doctor/ teacher anything where she goes by her last name and has already built up a reputation under her current last name. Or she wants to carry on her family’s last name. My last name will not carry on anymore after/if my sister gets married and after my dad dies. I don’t really see why it matters. I think it should be up to the husband/ wife to decide.

@Pencilbox-lq6os 4 года назад

lol no, would you be excited to take your wife's name?

@niamhha9014 4 года назад

All engaged people should be excited to get married, but not everyone agrees with the tradition of changing your last name. Many people see their name as an important part of their identity.

@PeepingUkulele 3 года назад

No, not really the case as much anymore