David explores the various pros and cons of limerence disclosure and touches on a few other topics including the drama triangle. See www.thermarriedtherapists.com and www.limerence.net for more support.
I know this is an older video, but I'm a 41 year old Autistic Female, diagnosed with Autism in my late 30's. I have suffered with Limerance since the age of 11, I know that sounds crazy. I would love to know more about Limerance and Autism as I always felt it was related
The paradox of these relationships revolves around the mystique which generates its own biochemistry to which we become, literally, addicted. Hence, "love addiction" is often named after this term we now call limerence and what Freud once called "cathexis". The irony, which was touched upon in one of these videos, is that the relationship often does an about face when the relationship is consummated because it was ever all about the dopamine of anticipation and all the other chemicals generated in ones body resulting from fantasizing about the person --not by necessarily finally having the person !
My LO is my ex-therapist. I disclosed to her because I thought we could work on the transference. But she said things like"so quickly" and "I doubt that I will fall in love with you" which left me totally confused. Things got worse and I regret deeply that I disclosed. After 4 months she ended the therapy which is now 4 years ago and I am still in limerence.
I have disclosed twice , in both cases we were b h single and they had led me on and then retracted. It was the right choice because it made a continuation of the whatever-that-was impossible and I could eventually move on, even though it took me a while.
I think its always best to tell them so it can either be explored or you are turned down and either outcome its the quickest way you can get out of fantasy and into reality, the cure for fantasy is to be in the real world and experience pain and annoyance that the person isn't actually the ideal person in your head. I also think if someone is having feelings for another that isn't their partner then they should leave their partner or discuss an open relationship as its not fair at all on the monogamous person to have a partner who wants someone else.
Feelings are fleeting. My partner left me for his LO and it lasted 3 months in the real world. We have a small child together and it’s caused so much pain. He had feelings for a fantasy, not her. I think this is the case in a lot in the situations.
I feel this is tied with childhood fantasy objects. Created to cope with emotional abuse. The parent is imagined to be better than they are to create a secure bond and manage anxiety. Just a theory.
