Regarding the bedtime for a 24-year-old... Our 3 children were not yet teens when occasionally my husband and I were just too exhausted to stay up with them while they finished watching a television program. They called it 'tucking Mom and Dad into bed' and simply turned off the lights, brushed their teeth, and went to bed at their regular time. The Honour System worked well... and now when they come to visit, I totter off to bed and leave them to their own devices. Because they are *adults*.
My mom was always pretty chill about bedtime, it was her belief that if I didn't sleep, it was "my own fault" if I was tired. I always thought this was fair enough. I remember as a little kid, I was supposed to be quiet and in my room after 9pm. As a tween, that was bumped up to 10pm. Once I hit about 14, as long as I was quiet and not bothering anyone, I could be up as late as I wanted, but not leave the house. I work nights now 😂
When I was 16-18 and the last kid at home (youngest sibling here), my dad worked nights so it was usually just mom and I at night. I would frequently check her room before going to bed only to find her asleep with glasses on and the tv still playing so I would “tuck her in” AKA turn the tv off and put her glasses on the bedside table.
Hey, comment section buddies! Just to say, as someone who went 'no contact' with a parent and never looked back, if you are a child seriously considering it, I would advise doing it. There's so much pressure in society to try EVERYTHING to make it work with a parent, normally by the time a child is burnt out and considering it, it's well past the point where they have done everything they should reasonably do. These decisions are normally made painfully after enduring a lifetime of abuse, and I just want to say I support you, your decision to protect yourself is noble, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for choosing you. We are not born onto this planet to serve our parents. Sending hugs! 🙂
My friend has been virtually no contact with her mother for years (she's had to see her to help get younger siblings removed, but otherwise has had no voluntary contact) and barely speaks to her father. She's now much happier and healthier since breaking contact and has a great relationship with all of her siblings now they're all living elsewhere (mostly adults and living independently). It was hard going and she's had a lot of therapy, but now out the other side she's in a much better place for it.
Hell yes. I technically haven't gone fully no contact with my birth father, I just stopped trying to carry the relationship and initiate contact, but I have seen him lately several times, because of the child support court case. I study Medicine full time which means he's legally obligated to provide for me until I graduate [that's how it works in my country], but he tried to weasel out of it, because he decided that "I'm old enough" that I don't need support and if I can't afford to live in my University's city and study full time, well, maybe I should move or stop studying and get s job. He also used me not talking to him as an argument that I don't deserve support anymore, because I don't respect him. Well, fast forward till the end of the court case and he got an earful from the judge about how he should be proud that I'm almost a doctor, that me being a full time student means I don't have to go to work and he has to support me till I graduate and am able to support myself and, as a cherry on top, that made my day, that she can't know everything about our relationship and past, but from her experience if an adult child goes no contact with a parent, it's almost always parent's fault, because it's their responsibility as a parent and an adult to foster a good, healthy relationship with their kid in their childhood, so they want to and feel naturally to keep the relationship in their adulthood, and that she would advise him to take a good look in a mirror and ask himself why it didn't turn out this way in our case.
A lot of the the time when people say “you’re too sensitive” it’s because they are uncomfortable with emotional reactions of others. Sometimes it’s because they have limited emotional intelligence/capacity.
My mom used to use the "over sensitive" line on me growing up. She also told me I was forbidden to have emotions. I was nine. Then she got angry when I tried not to have emotions. She never made sense to me. The rules she wanted me to live by changed so fast and so often that it was like living in the wall of a category 7 tornado. She's in therapy now and doing much better.
On using disabled toilets: in Melbourne generally our only gender neutral toilets are the disabled ones. That kinda forced me to use them, and I used to feel bad a lot of the time. But the ONLY people who have ever gotten mad at seeing me come out of them have been able-bodied people who weren't using them. Wheelchair users, people with canes, etc, have all been perfectly fine.
In Johannesburg good luck finding a disabled toilet that isn't locked. There's also no call button or anything telling you how to get the key for said disabled toilet or a staff member on duty to assist the disabled. Typically I just use the able bodied toilets because in an emergency I don't have time to run the length and bredth of a three story building to find the person with the key.
One of my favourite pubs simply has signs that say ‘this is an accessible toilet’ and ‘this loo has a toilet and a urinal’ for their two bathrooms. I can finally go back there soon, not because they’ve done anything wrong, it’s simply that I’ve been in warmer fridges (though it also where they do all their brewing so obviously can’t get too warm as it’s bad for the beer, just makes it an unpleasant visit from late autumn to early spring).
I'm disabled and the only time I've ever been mad at an able-bodied person for using the accessible toilet is when they're using it for non-bathroom reasons. If you are using it for changing or using the toilet, you can be using the bathroom
Plenty of people who are disabled aren't visibly disabled. such as colostomy bag wearers, people with bladder problems etc. Look at it as special needs toilet.
Ballarat replaced its public toilets years ago - they don't have gender any more, just abled, left access ambulant, right access ambulant, and wheelchair accessible. It's a very sensible system!
Just because other people might “have it worse” doesn’t mean your trauma was any less traumatic. So don’t feel guilty, trauma isn’t something you can gatekeep bc we all have different experiences in different positions of life.
@@missnaomi613 That’s great to hear! I’m working through mine, I’m still pretty young but would like to see myself grow eventually :) thank u for the positive message
After getting out of an abusive relationship last year, "You're too sensitive" is a major red flag Also... it's not normal to tell family You're going to the bathroom/kitchen??
I think it's normal to be able to tell them, but abnormal to feel like you have a duty to tell them. so, "[blah blah, having a chat], hang on, I need to pee" is more normal than just walking off mid-conversation, but say kid is watching TV & dad is doing stuff in the garage, it's weird for the kid to have to go out to the garage & inform dad that they want to go to a different room.
@@aShadeBolder I definitely agree that it's the sense of obligation to inform that's abnormal here. Otherwise, it's perfectly normal in a healthy relationship to touch base with your partner/friends/etc. when moving around. It's also perfectly normal to notice someone passing through your space and inquire about their intentions, as this is a sign of natural human curiosity and a penchant for interest in those around us. It's abnormal when that query turns into a demand for information.
I remember being 3-4 years old and frequently being told that I'm "over-sensitive." Then when I was a teenager, one of those people would sometimes tell me that I shouldn't be so afraid to talk to them and that I'm taking things too seriously. Guess how that's affected all of my relationships.
That's a shocking and disturbing thing to say to a 3/4 year old baby. I'm sorry. Children are children, they are supposed to be sensitive. They are learning what feelings are and what they mean. To shut down and belittle a small child like that is so damaging.
I hope you have better people around you now. It's hard work to heal those early childhood developmental scars, but if you've got the right support it can be done. And it's so worth it!
2:58 "He is always right, especially when he's wrong." My dad used to get very upset when one of us kids said he was wrong. He'd throw a temper tantrum and say something along the lines of "Yeah, I'm always wrong and everyone else is always right!"
My mother used to do the same. Until I had enough and told her “yeah everyone is always right and you’re always wrong, because you always try to speak on topics others are educated on but you don’t know jack sheet about. As soon as you stop this behaviour and only speak on things you are actually educated on you will stop embarrassing yourself with being proven wrong.” She was very angry but it worked in the end.
oof sounds like my dad lol. I tell him something he did hurt me, then it's all "oh so now I'm the worst dad in the world / I can never do anything right then" 🫠
the irony is that people who say "yeah yeah you're always right" usually always consider they're right and you're wrong, so that's plain hypocrisy and they don't have the maturity to admit they probably are wrong, or that it's probably subjective by nature, that's intellectually nuking a conversation and that's shitty
That last story; I "Don't look disabled," so you can imagine how people act if I'm sitting in one of those reserved seats. Gods forbid they should just ask when instead they can have a go at me because they choose to believe the worst of people rather than actually communicate. Oh, and of course, the passive-aggressive tutters, who have the same attitude with a different approach to expressing it.
I have a physical disability that is not visible, as well as several other disabilities that mean I cannot stand for long periods of time or touch strangers. I also look younger than my age - (which is actually partly due to being physically disabled) so people often see me and perceive me as being 14-16 and sitting in disabled seats. I get A LOT of awful looks. Once I was in Italy on a ferry, and these older Americans encouraged me to leave, I panicked, sat on the floor, and proceeded to lose all control of my limbs. My friend helped me take medicine and get up after a minute, and the Americans had the audacity to ask her, ‘what was wrong with it’ and laugh about how ‘we were starting to worry, it looked like she was having a seizure’. Same people who basically pushed me off priority seating. Lesson is, most disabilities are not visible, it’s not your job to decide whether someone needs accessibility, and people of all ages can be disabled.
@@Reverend_Salem yeah, it is hypermobility, and also chronic pain syndrome. But I think a lot of looking younger is also being autistic and enby and wearing comfy clothes
The story about the kid with the prosthetic went viral a couple of years ago and sparked a really interesting debate: there are, actually, entitled people who would take a priority seat just because they want to, and/or refuse to give up their seat for someone with a disability, pregnant, elderly, etc.. Is there a gentle, compassionate way to find out if someone is just being an entitled brat, or if they actually need the priority seat? Nope. There isn't. Someone's disability or needs are none of your friggin business. They are not obligated to give any justification or explanation. Our assumption should always be that if someone is sitting there, they have a reason and we should never question them. But then again, at least where I live, groups of teenagers do tend to take over the priority seats, sitting across from each other and chatting, not giving up their seats for anyone. Is it possible that they're all disabled? Yep. It's also possible that their parents did not teach them that other people exist and the world does not revolve around them. It's not my place to make a moral judgment. But here we are... Just don't question people sitting in the priority seats. If you're able, give up your seat, and stay out of other people's business. Interesting debate! Ha
Yeah, disability is more then just physical so I don't ask why anyone sits in the priority seats on the bus on the very rare occasion I take a bus around town... Especially because I'd be a hypocrite for doing so, I'll sit there as well if there's no one else using them and I can and will give my spot up for someone else even though I sit there because I get lost easily so want a clear view of the road and I've had minor panic attacks over a random stranger sitting beside me on a bus before. There's really no point in asking others why they use those seats when I have a reason that's not obvious myself so yeah, always better to assume people use them legitimately then risk harassing someone with a legit reason. Same way I feel about mental disability claims, sure, people can and will lie but it's not the majority so rather just not engage if I suspect someone is being dishonest then risk hurting someone genuine since ik how much that can hurt. Plenty of people think I'm not disabled or not enough to count, what they don't know is I've had 25yrs to learn how to fake and save my breakdowns for when no one's watching... And guess stuff correctly often enough to fool people into thinking my comprehension of instructions isn't as bad as it is ^^'
Agreed. Its very unfortunate that people who do not belong in disabled seating will take it from those who need it. But as someone with an invisible disability myself, I'm the last person to ever judge. Thankfully, my disability becomes *very* visible when I'm exhausted, so people are generally willing to volunteer their seat to me when they see me struggling to keep myself upright.
I would say if the one sitting there is a young child, you could point out gently that those seats are reserved for elderly, pregnant, and disabled people and just generally explain that if someone that needs that seat comes in, they'll need it more. But there's no way to ask an adult politely, no.
@animeartist888, you do realise that disabilities aren't age based. My disability didn't wait 18 years to go 'hey I've been patiently waiting fo you to be a legal adult so i can finally f-up your life'.
@@animeartist888 But being young doesn't cancel out Disability? I was born with a severe walking Disability, but when I sat down, you wouldn't notice anything. If I was 3 and sitting in one of those seats - I'd look like I didn't need it but I 100% would.
Re: the first entry - You're being quite diplomatic, Jamie. I know, I know, I've been leaning on this one a while now, but as a survivor of mental and emotional (yes, physical too, but it doesn't factor in here) abuse from both my parents, everything OP mentioned is abuse. Plain and simple. Controlling to that extreme? Making a ridiculous demand of someone and then 'magically' forgetting all about it, and laying the blame for a problem on the one mentioning it when they themselves caused that problem? Yeah, no. NO! That is 100% abuse, and I genuinely hope OP is in a place now where they can work through all that evil with a caring, and understanding support group of friends and therapy, so she can break that cycle. Because if not, then her own kids will be feeling that generational trauma too.
"a ridiculous demand of someone and then 'magically' forgetting all about it, and laying the blame for a problem on the one mentioning it when they themselves caused that problem?" oh you mean my sister.
"You're too sensitive" is definitely a red flag. The speaker is trying to belittle the feelings of whoever they're talking to. A big problem with some parents and other blood relatives is that they believe they are entitled to a relationship because of genetics. They also believe that because you are "family," they can treat you WORSE than strangers, colleagues, friends, anyone else. Furthermore, many of them will never apologize for anything, let time pass, and then pretend like nothing ever happened. All of these are wrong.
I was about 23. I had been out of my parents' house for 3 years, married for 2 of them. I was home for some holiday or another and wanted to go a couple towns over to hang with my older cousin one night. He'd been the one that had introduced me to D&D (Champions, Shadowrun) therefore he was ''bad''. As I'm walking out the door my dad said, ''Be home by 10.'' Of course I laughed and this, as usual enraged him. I sugar coated the you can’t give a curfew to an adult regardless if they're your child or not. He said the usual if you don't like it you can leave bs. I explained that I had my own apartment 5 hrs away so I could just go home. It's like it had never occurred to him before that I no longer had to put up with his crazy if I didn't want to. Ironically, if he'd kept his mouth shut, I'd have been back before 10 because I got a terrible migraine that night. Ended up sleeping for 3nrs on the couch just make sure it'd be after midnight to prove the point. Stay petty 😂
I'm an optician so I'll answer your question, you can certainly try to fake it during your eye test but we always know. There are also plenty of objective tests we can do if we think your subjective responses are unreliable or lies.
I was wondering. I mean, half the time, the eye doctor seems like they know which of the two will be more clear before asking and just want confirmation rather than needing to know (which seems to only happen on the ones where it’s subtle).
@@Mechella56 That's funny. I tried frantically to pass the stupid test because in my generation the guy in the glasses was always a sissy and never got the girl. Didn't work for me either; I wore glasses for a few years. My eyes improved, but I'm still gay. Not sure where to go with that ...
So how do you know? I know someone who absolutely did fake an eye exam to get glasses (because someone else he was obsessed with had them. Horrible story and you can probably guess why and how it went). I'd be interested to hear how likely he was to have gotten away with it. Test was done in a major city so whatever resources exist to be able to tell apart the liars the staff must have had access to them. It was something like 15 years ago now and every now and then when I remember the whole thing I just go ???? To date it's been the stupidest way to "bond" with someone I have ever witnessed, and that was before the land of internet introverts that have since invented unimaginable things to say to others. Edit: I think it was a near sighted prescription if memory serves but I'm not entirely sure. I never tried them on but someone else did. Couldn't see very well out of them because that person needed a decent prescription themselves so I figured it was either a super weak one that guy got or a different kind altogether.
“You’re too sensitive” is one of the phrases that makes you question your validity even after all the abuse. The moment you start to stand up for yourself and not stay quiet while being (especially verbally) abused, they hit you with that phrase saying it’s not their fault, it’s because you don’t have a thick skin to prepare yourself for the harsh world or something of that narrative. But even if it’s a “joke”, they never make themselves the butt of the joke. NEVER. It’s always you. If you’re going through a similar situation, remember that you’re completely normal and they’re the abnormal/sociopathic one. It’s mentally draining and soul sucking what that does to a person, but you’ll get better. I promise.
About that first one, my step-father did the same thing. I had to tell him where I was going whenever I left the room, and for example, if I went to the toilet "too often", he wouldn't allow me to go. Well to be fair, I did go more often than I actually needed, but it was because I was feeling pressured by his restriction. I couldn't help but thinking stuff like "Do I go now ? Oh but what if I drink later and I need to go again but he doesn't let me ?" I was overthinking it because of that. Now I live with my father who doesn't have such stupid restrictions and I only go whenever I truly need to go, confirming that I went so often because of my step-father's restrictions.
Anxiety and stress can also increase frequency of urination, so if his restrictions and oppressiveness made you nervous it could also simply be that. Either way, sounds exhausting and I hope you're well
@@thethirdtime9168 Yeah maybe. And god knows they caused a lot of anxiety for me. But yeah I live at my father's place now. It's not perfect, but it's a lot better.
That is truly messed up. As a parent, if I noticed my kid using the bathroom a lot, my concern would be an infection or something. I'd talk to them about it but only out of health concerns. Over control IS a form of abuse. I remember getting in trouble over how I ate. I tend to eat all of each thing on the plate before moving on to the next. My dad would sit there and watch me eating requiring me to take one bite of each thing moving in a clockwise order. Literally yelling at me if I took a bite of the same thing twice in a row. He told me it was disrespectful to the cook to eat the way I did. Obviously all of this was total BS. Psychological abuse is abuse.
That sounds like a nightmare. I can’t understand his reasoning if it’s not controlling and cruel. How often is too often? What damage is being caused by going frequently? And what if you truly need to frequently go because something is wrong.. holding it could make it worse. It doesn’t make sense no matter how you spin it and I’m sorry you dealt with that.
@@CorwinFound I know, right ? Personally they weren't happy when I ate "too fast". I mean sure I ate a bit fast but nothing too bad. And since they would get upset when I eat "too fast", I would stare at my sister's plate to make sure I don't finish too much before her, and I would wait a few seconds before each bite. And they also wouldn't let me drink too much. To be fair I kinda get the idea behind this one since we were a family with three kids then four then five, with only one income from my step-father. We had to spare money. But still it was overblown. In fact during college I searched for someone to confess to about all this. An adult. And I talked about with the nurse. But back then I didn't know what mental abuse was, and clearly neither did she. She focused a bit too much of that story with water, but I happily went along with it, because I desperately needed someone on my side. Until my mother and step-father talked to her to tell her "how weird I was" in their eyes and she completely left my side. I felt betrayed, but she didn't understand the nature of the problem, and neither did I back then. But hopefully I got to talk to the school's social helper eventually, and she helped me find the words to put on what they were doing. Psychological abuse. Also my step-father hid my 3DS games in my sister's room somewhere, and since when I got out of my room, I needed to tell him where I was going, well I couldn't tell him to my sister's room because he wouldn't let me. So I couldn't go there to try and find what belonged to me. I mean I did when they weren't there once, but I couldn't find it. Also most of me and my siblings' childhood plushies were in a big black bag on top of a shelf in my sister's room, and I wish I could find my old plushies again. But once again, I couldn't go to my sister's room to get them. They finally brought back most of my stuff to my father's place where I live now. I was scared but willing to to engage with them. But my mother was upset that I broke away from her control and all she said was "I don't want to talk to you". She gave me my stuff and left. It's the only words I heard from since a year and a half ago. At least my step-father did say hi. He still talks to me when I call (even if I don't do it often), she never does. A year and a half ago being when she sent me to my father's place because I didn't have a college to go to anymore. The only one I thought was for me turned out to not be what I expected and I didn't pass. So since I had no obvious future in front of me, she decided she could stop pretending to love me and sent me to my father's place. Probably one of her best decisions. I'm much happier now. But when they said they were gonna bring back my stuff, I didn't ask for my plushies because I doubt they remember which ones in there are mine. And it's been so long I donn't exactly remember from memory about all my plushies. I would need to actually go into this bag and find them myself. But I'm scared to go there, even temporarily, because I'm scared of them. Even if I could see my little brother ane sister who I miss playing with. Also since they are overcontrolling, they never taught me to be independant. And now I'm scared of making these kinds of big decisions and do these big things all by myself. And I don't know how to take the steps to move forward in my life and get a job. Because they never taught me. Not to mention the low self-esteem and childhood trauma. Whenever I would do something "wrong", they would scold me for it. It ended up with me feeling like everything I do and everything I am is wrong. That nobody cares about me. And their abuse would get worse and worse as the years passed. I had a lot of anger and frustration that I was forced to repress because I was too scared to express it in front of them. It was hard. Sorry this was long.
regarding the second story, the mom who lied about the halloween event. for me the most striking part of it was the "don't tell your dad, our your friends [that i lied] or you're grounded!" she clearly knows what she did was immature and not okay, and she doesn't want to be seen as having done something wrong, so she threatens the child to cover for her, to become complicit in her lie, which was all to make herself more comfortable. and betrayal of trust and threats/intimidation and for lack of a better term using your child like that, that sticks with them and affects the way they trust people going forward.
Well she would have had to explain to her husband why she is hung up about the woman her Ex married or why they "gossip" about her? And what would be there to gossip about that the mom felt so insecure about after YEARS (since she has a 9y od kifd with her new partner) and couldn`t just suck it up to let her kid join a halloween event it was so looking forward to? If it was something traumatic /serious if think the mom wouldn`t have threatened that OP opening up to their dad would be punished.
I reckon there's more to the story than what the mother told OP. And if she doesn't want her husband to find out, then either he's abusive and she's scared of him, or she's been doing things he justifiably wouldn't be happy to hear about. OP didn't describe the father as abusive.
I have chronic fatigue syndrome and can't stand for more than 10 minutes on a train. On full trains I try to be as respectful as possible, explaining my situation to people in the disabled seats and asking if I can have a seat please. Ive been extremely lucky and have always had a lovely person give me their seat. I always remember to genuinely thank them. As soneone with an invisible disability, Im always aware that I may not be able to see another person's disability. The people in the disabled seats may also have a legitimate reason to be sitting there.
Omg same! I also have POTS. I use a cane now to help with my legs giving out and my balance. It makes people so much more polite about seats and when I walk too slow.
Have you heard of sunflower lanyards? It's basically a scheme which signals you have an invisible disability and you can add an info card and other things like pin badges to customise it to your needs. I think TFL also have "please offer me a seat" and "baby on board" badges available for those who need them, but I think these are harder to spot than the lanyards. The lanyards are also recognised by other public venues, like theatres, so they can offer you additional assistance say in an emergency.
I love when wholesome, grounded creators discuss insane parents, such as yourself, OT, and Click, because I feel like it gives me a grounded outside perspective into my own childhood to validate that the stuff I grew up being told was "normal" and "loving" ABSOLUTELY WAS NOT, and I was justified every time I was afraid of my parents, suspected them of not loving me the way they said they did, or felt uneasy about the things they were doing. I've been no-contact with them since... 2010-ish? Last contact I had with them was 2017 when I gave them one last chance that they not only destroyed, but desecrated, and considering I spent seven years without them, in which there was little lost and much gained, I think I'll do just fine never talking to them again.
There's always something powerful about a person silently Producing Evidence that directly counters the assumptions of a rude person. There's very little that someone can do to argue disability if you take your leg off. Kudos to that teen.
For the last one it's unfortunately pretty common still for people to think that young people can't be sick or disabled. I experienced this first hand when my ankle was sprained and I had to wear a cast and use crutches. On the bus people always stared at me as if I was just faking it to have a free seat on the bus. It was a bizarre experience.
Yep. I spent a month in a wheelchair as a kid due to simultaneous ankle and shoulder injuries. I don't think I made it three days without being accused of faking being paralyzed or learning a new slur. Apparently the massive boot on my foot was invisible.
@@waffles3629 This is something im always confused *Why would people care if you "don't look disabled" ?* like damn , sometimes people like but , mind your own business lol
It's even worse when you are young AND your disability is invisable :/ i have crohn's so ppl are always invalidating it as "you just have to go poo more often, what's the big deal🤷♀️" although it's literally an autoimmune condition, meaning my immune system is literally fighting itself and constantly weak. I have to take pills like crazy and my arms have scars from all the needles they need to poke into my skin lol. I can also barely keep my weight (which is not a lot to begin with) and i'm quite short aswell ;-;
@@unicornglitzer tbf I recently read a story of some person on a wheelchair that apparently was "not disabled enough" to use the handicap parking spot, according to some entitled Karen.
My mother came to MY house and told me and my brother off for still being up chatting at 10:30pm. (I was 20, he was 28, and we see each other maybe twice a year) We weren't being rowdy, just drinking tea and catching up. The pair of us were also staying up because our sister had messaged and wanted someone around because she was with the cops after having a knife pulled on her at work, and didn't feel comfortable going back to her own house that night, so we wanted to stay awake for when she came if she needed anything. It unfortunately turned into a yelling match with our mum trying to send us to bed, in my own home. Some parents just suck.
And your mother was up and decided to come visit your house at 10:30, but THAT is okay, but you & your brother drinking tea and chatting inside your home isn’t okay?
Ohhh that in bed story rang some bells and memories in my head. On my 19th birthday, i wanted to stay up until midnight as a mini self celebration and some friends had said they were gonna be up til midnight to tell me happy birthday. I remember I was in my room making 0 noise just enjoying my mini midnight celebration, and my father came into my room to yell at me for being awake still (hes a heavy sleeper and the only reason he was awake was to let our dog outside). It just wasn’t very pleasant and dampened the mood a little. It sucks when that kind of stuff happens.
Gonna share my own experience because when OP wrote, "When a doctor told me I needed glasses, his first reaction was to belligerently ask if I failed the eye test on purpose." It really hit a nerve lol. When I bounce my leg up and down my mom says I'm doing it on purpose to seem anxious (I have been professionally diagnosed with anxiety. For years I told her I believe I'm autistic, and in the form she was required to fill out for testing, she said I do NOT stim and lied on multiple parts of the form just to tell me I "want to be autistic." Then later telling me "I think you might have a little autism" and explaining in detail every disorder I have as if I do not know anything about them DESPITE ME BEING 16!! and having been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was ten. One of my special interests are psychology.
My mother tells people she doesn't know what it's like to raise a daughter because I was a strange one who didn't sneak out at night (like she and her siblings did), and liked to read books.
Growing up, the neighbor at the end of the block locked his kids in their room when they were being punished. He changed the doorknobs around so that they locked from the outside instead of from the inside. His son decided to climb out the window to get around it. The guy caught on to this and would stand guard outside his window so the kid couldn't escape. My dad told my siblings and I about this. He seemed to think it was clever. I think he was happy that someone else in the neighborhood was more abusive than him.
Dude my mom accused me of doing drugs, I’m literally almost fourteen, and here’s the ironic part, she has a VAPE that she uses while me and my siblings are in the car!
Good for you! I went no-contact with my transphobic sister a few years ago. Back when I thought that only one of my three kids was trans... Life is more peaceful than it's ever been!
With the last story, even if this kid wasn't disable, it was still HIS seat. You're required to open up these seats IF someone comes who requires it - the mom didn't. So she had no right to the seat and it was still the kid's seat until someone who requires it enters.
Perfect timing. Literally just sent the email finally cutting contact with my own parent (and siblings). Her response is hilariously filled with an attempt to play the victim where I really gave her nothing to work with in my overlong explanation email. I didn't place any blame, just named what the patterns are, how it's impossible for me to visit them now, and that my phone number has changed now. Actually laughed and felt *better* seeing my mom's response. It's just so pathetic. Good-bye, mother dearest. Tra!
I was called "too sensitive" throughout my childhood. I ended up repressing my feelings and never talking about all my anxieties and problems because I didn't want to be called sensitive. I was diagnosed as autistic in my late 20s :)
Meanwhile I was called callous, undersensitive and cold for all my childhood. (Dissociation will do that to you, yeah). I was also diagnosed as autistic in my late 20s :)
That last one always makes me nervous. I’m invisibly disabled physically via chronic illnesses and have been fighting for official diagnosis for years. I don’t always have my cane or braces, sometimes my joints or muscles just give out.
I need to rant. For reference I’m Trans Fem, and a large part of my transition goals is HRT to get a body that matches me, I have also been thinking about this for years and years going back to early childhood. Anyways I recently came out to my parents and they said that they “fully supported me” however that they would never support me making any changes to my hormones or body. While my mom has begun referring to me as they/them, that is the only change that has been made. I don’t feel any better knowing that I won’t be able to transition and ever get the body I want. And I don’t know if I can go on like that. Anyways sorry for wasting your time that you took to read all that.
If you are a minor (which I assume you are, since you feel bound by your parents' wishes), you may need to abide by your parent's rules for a while, but that is not forever. It sounds like they are not entirely unsupportive (willing to use your pronouns). Often, parents have seen their child embrace and abandon various interests, so they have a hard time believing being trans isn't just another phase (it isn't!). They think they are protecting you. But it will not last forever, even though it may seem that way right now. In the meantime, there are a lot of behavioral things you can learn; some trans folks successfully transition long before starting any physical treatments. Who knows, maybe your parents will eventually accept that this isn't just a phase and they will end up supporting you in a physical transition. In any case, it WILL get better.
That first story was my father exactly. He was abusive in a lot of other ways too, and haven't talked to any of them intentionally in over 25 years. Terrible families suck, but you don't owe them anything (despite what the more manipulative ones will tell you)
For the last one I have an opinion. Where I live the public transportation isn't the best, there are very few grabby things for those who have to stand and the grabbies that are their are very high up so if you're under 5'5' good luck getting one, my point is sitting in a seat is the safest option. Each compartment has 1 or 2 3-seated reserved seats like here reserved for people with disabilities, people who are pregnant, elderly with mobile issues, or parents with prams with very young children inside. So now for my opinion, I don't think it should matter whether the kid was disabled or not, unless the mother had a stroller/pram he had just as much right as she. If there is no one with special needs in the compartment than everyone should have equal rights to sit there as sitting in public transportation is safer than standing. Having a disability he had more right to the spot than she did, but even if he didn't he got there first and since she was not in need he should still retain the spot until either he had to get off or an actual person in need came aboard.
I mean, I'd say a two year old, or adult with two year old, needs it more than a regular adult. A two year old is far more likely to fall over on a moving train, as is an adult carrying a child or trying to keep a toddler from falling. And they're less likely to get squished if theyre seated. Do they need it more than a disabled person? No. Do they _technically_ have the same right to the seat as an able adult/teen? Yeah. But it would be considerate to offer them the seat. Of course the adult with the child should ASK POLITELY and not try and stare someone down and scream at them with assumptions, and should accept the answer regardless.
I have glasses and I don’t think you can fail the test on purpose. They don’t even tell you what kind of lenses they’re putting in the test glasses device. They only tell you in the end when they found what works best for you.
My mother would periodically be upset about something that I had allegedly said or done, but she would never tell me what! She’d say, “You know! You have to know!”..,But I didn’t know! Perhaps I had offhandedly said or done something that hurt her feelings, but when I honestly didn’t know, I couldn’t learn anything or monitor my speech around her because of my ignorance.
Thanks for talking about the reserved seats! I'm Disabled and once a middle aged/ older woman kept swinging her bag at me, hitting me with it. At first I assumed it was a crowding issue but then realized she was straight up hitting me. I look up and she doesn't say a word. Just points at the sign saying the seat is for disabled people. I was too tired to educate so I just pointed at my cane right below the sign and went back to my nap. Why people don't just speak, I'll never understand.
the last story has happened to a friend of mine who cannot walk properly due to health conditions, instead of a mother with a child, a random middle aged woman yelled at her for sitting in a seat at the train stop saying others more deserving than her should sit there. The thing was, there was still room on the bench and this woman didn't even sit down. Unlike the hero of the story in the last entry, my friend's condition and chronic illness is not visible and she unfortunately also had a lot of mental health problems partially as a result of her chronic illnesses. sadly to say this random woman just made everything worse for no reason at all.
my mother always wanted to know where I was going when I left the living room. Now, at 41, I think it is weird. I was always told I cleaned my teeth 'too loudly'! My relationship is very different now and my mother hates it but I am much happier
The story about the bed curfew confused me because I really wondered for a second if I forgot having posted something like that on reddit, it's so similar to my situation! I'm 23yo and I'll also be told to go to bed earlier because it wakes up my mom or because by going to bed later I wake up later and don't eat breakfast with my family in the morning (we never eat breakfast together anyway?). After starting to complain about the noise, my mom also started keeping her bedroom door more open than usual, as if to be sure that she'd get woken up by me and can come in my room to blame me. In my situation, it's 100% about control, she's finding any excuse she may have to control my bedtime just so she can control what I do. What's sad is that I can't even not care because when I'm up late, my brain becomes hyper-aware of everything and everytime I hear her move in her bed while soing something quiet like reading I start panicking thinking she woke up and that now I'll have to sit through a lecture of lies about why it's so bad for me and the family that I go to sleep later, which will anger me and make it harder to sleep after...
That story about the glasses could've been my ex, if he hadn't insisted the entire time our boys were growing up that the elder "doesn't need glasses" and they were "trying to get attention." Right after he left, I took him to the optometrist, and huge surprise, he needed glasses. Not really a shock since ex and I *both* wear glasses. :-p Although he wasn't technically "abusive,"- Not a shouter, not a hitter, at all, not an alcoholic or drug addict- there are absolutely regrets that I stayed with him as long as I did. :(
I’m sorry you’ve gone through this with a partner but I wanted to tell you something. Abuse doesn’t need to be the things listed to be abuse. There is such a thing as medical abuse that includes being refused treatment for an obvious issue. Not trying to tell you what you experienced, but I just wanted to say you don’t need to try and downplay or tell yourself it wasn’t “real” abuse if that’s what it seems like. I hope your time zone is great, and may your glasses always stay on your face without slipping!
My ex was abusive. He knew that I knew about his physically abusive dad, and I'd made it clear that if he ever raised a hand to me or our kids it would only happen the one time, as I'd leave AND press charges. That said, he was an expert gaslighter/manipulator. Which I only realized a few years ago, was how some of my family members have always treated me. Which is why the behavior seemed "normal." I also regret staying with him so long.
My brother always called me sensitive as he would tease me, which i now know to be emotional abuse (that was a fun realization) he refused to call me by my name, and to this day he still doesn't. I am still reliant on my parents but when i do move out i will be going no contact with him. My parents (mainly my mom, who once stated that she doesn't care if my brother stops the emotional abuse (which she always belittled and said it was only teasing) or not she just wanted to stop hearing about it) rarely punished him for his abuse which he often bragged about. I am also planning to have limited contact with my mother since my father would at least yell at my brother about his behavior. It's taken a long time to convince myself that I'm not sensitive and that my brothers actions towards me could be a test question on identifying abuse.
13:56 I’m tempted to think control. I was only recently able to get out from under my high control environment, and I can attest to how annoying it is to have a parent that insists on some kind of bed time for you as an adult. She had all kinds of reasons for why you should go to bed when she wanted you to, and that extended to when you were out hanging with friends.
2:48 we don't have a rule that we have to tell each other when we're going to the bathroom or the kitchen but I guess my family were just nosy and want to know if what they're doing affect us in anyway. When my daughter and I are hanging out on my bed in the evenings and one of us gets up, will tell the other what we're doing because if I'm just going to the bathroom then she doesn't care but if I'm also going to the kitchen then she might want some thing. And vice versa. 😂😂😂
With the Halloween party, for me the worst part was "if you tell anyone you're grounded". Which tells the kid to lie on her behalf, that she knows she's wrong but it's his responsibility to cope with that and that she can't be trusted.
I had a Karen come up to me once. Saw me in a wheelchair from K-Mart and asked me "Is that really necessary?". Did the same thing, rolled up my pant leg and showed her my cast. Didn't even apologize, just walked away.
This happened many years ago. A friend of mine has a friend who was involved in a car accident as a young child. She lost one of her legs as a result of the accident. One day she parked in a disabled parking space at the local shopping mall, and headed inside. She only had to grab a couple of things, so she was back out again in less than 15 mins. Cue the busybody couple harassing her about "you should be ashamed of yourself! Stealing a disabled space!" yadda yadda yadda. Rather than engaging with them, she simply leaned against her car, hiked up her long skirt, detached her prosthetic limb, waved it over her head and yelled "Am I disabled enough now?!!!" Apparently they ran away.
2:50 my dad right there!!!! It gets so toxic fast. He can never ever take accountability. I remember this story cause of the pain: when I was a teen, my dad denied me sunscreen while I was at the beach/pool. This was in Central America btw, and the place I went to had warmer waters. Anywho, my skin is fragile. I’m on the paler side of my family and am told I need to get darker. So my dad gave me tanning oil and denied me sunscreen and I ended up with a 2nd degree sunburn. Will never forget it. The pain was the absolute worst. I also had people stare at me for the remaining of the vacation because it looked like my face melted. I’ll keep telling that story because it was traumatic to me. This was more than a decade ago that this happened. I still have people posting photos of my face on FB. I also remember the smell of the cream I had to wear. I would’ve preferred Aloe Vera.
my soul leaving my body as i notice that i am in a very similar situation to op (won't clarify which) in these posts without realizing it till now ... yikes.
Okay but, people being belligerent and condescending towards individuals with invisible disabilities is SUCH a massive problem. I have anxiety disorder and migraines, both of which are just "you have to take my word on it" conditions. My job is customer facing, and any time someone walks up to me with a very strong smelling product on- perfume, cologne, body spray, hair gel, lotion, doesn't matter- I have to excuse myself and get a colleague to talk to them, because strong perfume scents are a migraine trigger for me. I am very blessed to have coworkers in my current job who are super accommodating and understanding, but that hasn't always been the case. I've had jobs before where I was told that this behavior was rude, that I needed to suck it up, that I was offending the customers by implying they smelled bad, etc, and that I shouldn't ask for special treatment over a little headache. I cannot emphasize how much accessibility towards invisible disabilities is dismissed, and the prominence of accusations that people like us are lying or exaggerating.
"a little headache" Obviously they've never experienced a real migraine in their lives. A little headache is a slight throb when you realize you've looked at your screen too long. A migraine is a hellish, whole body experience that I'm lucky to have only been subjected to 3-4 times in my lifetime. I can't even imagine having them frequently. I'm with you on the smells things, though. I'm autistic and that's one of my sensory sensitivities. It can be a good smell, too, but doesn't seem that way when it's amplified by my nose. I have to wear a mask when I'm using cleaning products, and to all you random strangers out there, do not come up to me and ask if I like your perfume because I will tell you the truth.
pssssst Jammiiiiiiii you should totally cover r/insaneparents bc theres so many antiqueer ones and it'd be awesome to hear your take on them. Especially from someone living in a very supportive household!!!
The last one is a special kind of hell for me as a 19 year old with invisible disabilities who needs the priority seats. That's literally one of the reasons why I hate going outside cus the anxiety of being in that situation is way too much
The whole "you're too sensitive" thing really annoys me. I'm a sensitive person, it's part of my personality and always has been. Growing up, my parents frequently told me I was "overly/ too sensitive" instead of doing something actually helpful. A common issue was with me asking them to stop yelling in response to a raised and frustrated/ angry voice. They would just argue they weren't yelling, and I was overly sensitive.
One of the best decisions I ever made was going no-contact with my dad when I was 18. He'd been emotionally abusive all my life, but it took me until I was 17 to realize it (partially I think because my parents divorced when I was little, so I only ever saw him on weekends) It wasn't planned, I didn't tell him I was doing it. I just decided I had enough. And it wasn't like we ever talked much anyway, so thankfully it was pretty easy to do. I still hear about him sometimes from my brother, who still has some contact, but he's respectful of my decision to cut off contact even if he doesn't understand it.
My little sister is a flight risk and so she has to tell us when she’s going to a different room that’s out of sight. It might be weird but it’s for her safety.
Gotta love how abused children make phrases about themselves or others. Mine is, "My brother was the happy accident, I was the planned mistake," and my friend did not understand that until she realized, yes, she is the daughter they wish they had and she's higher than even my brother in the love hierarchy. She even apologized for it, but it's like...not her choice? She's just a goofball everyone loves to be around. Can't change that! It's my parents that need to change their perspective and never will.
I almost feel like the mom who wouldn't let kid go to thing because people mom didn't like were going to be there is more a mom's mental health issue than just being a butt...
I thought this too, seems like anxiety, and totally reasonable that she wouldn't tell her child her mental health struggles, but would downplay it with 'I just don't like those people'.
But that is still kind of being a butt. Her mental health issues are HERS to deal with. She shouldn't intentionally lie to her nine-year-old child and cause them to miss out on a good experience because of her own difficulties. There are other options.
About the last EM: I have an invisible disability in that my lower back is so arthritic that it pushes against the nerves, making it very painful to walk or stand. Here's an idea: Go up to someone sitting there, and politely ask if it would be alright to use the seat due to limited mobility. Politeness will get you further than screaming, especially when it's not something to which you are entitled, or even deserve. It's not my fault you had a kid. If someone tried that with me, I *literally* could not have gotten up without intense shooting pain. So no, if it were me, I wouldn't have given up my seat for a fully EM, abled person with a two year old. This seems to happen quite a bit with women who have young kids, or maybe they're just more likely to get filmed or told off. But I think it does actually happen more. I noticed back when I could stand and walk at a job, that as soon as a parent got near the register, the mother fully stopped keeping their child/children under control, in essence leaving me to babysit them. Once, a woman was paying so little attention that their young daughter came to my side of the register and started hanging off the side of the cart, which then tipped over. The kid would have hit her head, *hard*, if I hadn't instinctively grabbed the end of the cart and lifted it up before it could fall over. Several other people in line gasped, but the mom just said, "Oh, you're fine" when her daughter started crying. UGH.
when once referred to being "sensitive" from jokes BF did of me in front of his friends, I just told them outright that their maybe he just callus and lack consideration for others, the hyper defensive outburst they showed in front of his friends warranted the "don't dish what you cant take"
Yes, I am sensitive -- you know, like humans tend to be. Some choose to hide or suppress or deny their emotions, but I find it healthier not to, so I don't...unfortunately my father also chose to be "right" rather than making any effort at changing the way he interacted with me, but that's his problem not mine!
That last one reminds me of a situation a couple of days ago. I was on a really packed train and a woman with a pram comes in. She notices how busy the train is, tells the other woman that is with her that she can't stand with the pram for that long and says they should take the next train. So they get off the train again, but not before the woman with the pram shoots a dirty look at me and some people who were sitting and snarls: "If only someone would get up for me!" It made me a bit confused if there was some social rule about giving your seat to someone with a pram that I wasn't aware, but I asked several friends and they all said there isn't such a rule.
"He's always right especially when he's wrong" Oof 🗡️🗡️🗡️ this one hit hard. This is so my spawn points. If you were wrong you were punished, if you were right you were punished for being right. Can't win.
With the phone call halloween party: If it was Fine for the mom to do, why did she have to fake a phone call? Why did she have to tell the kid not to tell the dad? That mom was being unreasonable and she knew it.
6:49 The thing here is that the kid doesn't know why the parent doesn't like that person. In a lot of families/communities everyone is aware of the people who should not be allowed around children but they never tell the children the reason why (cause that's stuff you don't talk about). Lots of times adults don't tell kids the real reasons they don't like someone. Like when I was 14 I was babysitting for this one family in our church. The parents were separated and going on dates with each other. My mom told me not to be alone with the dad, didn't tell me why and since the kids lived with the mom there was no one else to drive me home. I found out later that the reason the parents were separated was because family court demanded it, as he was being investigated for SA his 2 little girls (6 and 8).
They don't need to be specific but can still give the information over in a way that kids can understand For example when I was a kid my family, whenever we were at major family gathering (basically Weddings and Funerals), told me to awlays stay in sight of my mum or certain aunties and uncles since there may be a person there who hurt some of them when they were younger and wanted to make sure he couldn't hurt me as well, and when I was a teenager they figured I was old enough to understand and specified that he r worded them, but his mother still refuses to believe it so they couldn't block him from the major family events
I'm young invisibly disabled (long-covid + hypermobility, especially in my legs) and I'm always mortified to ask for a seat in public transport. The looks I get sometimes o.o
"Hi, may I ask if you are disabled, too, or may let me sit here?" "Please do not be that person that is ableistic about invisible disability and asks about private medical information (that is protected under law)"
More like r/controllingparents or r/abusiveparents I feel for these people. Totally agree with the thing of criticising sensitivity. Sensitivity is both appropriate and a strength.
Ha. That's funny about the washroom thing. I have an English friend who finds it ridiculous that Canadians anounce they are going to the washroom when they leave the table at the pub.
27:16 I was hoping that was where that story was going! I had back surgery last year and am still recovering, so I have a handicapped parking permit, but I'm so afraid of someone yelling at me even though I have the permit (I'm only 33 and have blue hair and piercings). I walk with a cane but I'm still prepared to turn around and lift up my shirt to show off the scar from my surgery. 😬
I told my mom recently that I felt that church was wasting my time. she told my father and he told me that it was my fault i did not get anything from church and instead of letting me just not go the solution is for me to change lol
the thing is my fathers entire life is church related like job/youtube/friends/family. and he makes us be related but still its not fun because I would say I am atheist also he is a homophobe/transphobe/lgbtphobe
27:28 precisely, I’m a 20M and I was in a car accident back in ‘22 and broke both legs. The amount of dirty looks I get for parking in a handicapped spot or using electronic carts in shopping centers is frankly ridiculous. Makes me want to wear shorts in any weather just so people can see my scars that COVER my legs from ankle to groin
The mother that didn't let her kid go to the halloween party. That wasn't even the worst bit for me, the worst bit was her forcing her kid to protect her image by threatening to ground them if they told anyone--even their other family members???? That's despicable.
It seems like the glasses thing was the dad still doubting that the kid needed them and forcing them to pick kid ones so they’re not “stylish.” Awful for whatever reason ofc
Wow i had to ask to go to the toilet and they denied i needed glasses till i got the teacher to talk to them, then they denied i ever said anything despite asking for glasses constantly for many months. This video really takes me down memory lane.
Having been verbally abused, gaslight, and manipulated by a narcissistic former coworker I can definitely attest to the trauma that causes, especially when you have anxiety and OCD, and how long it takes to recover from that trauma, if you ever fully do, as it’s been 15 years now since my former coworker was fired and I’ve been at a different job for the last 7.5 years and I’m still finding things that give me PTSD from working with them, ugh! So glad they got therapy, it’s a huge help for sure.
That last one felt more like someone who’s probably exhausted and stressed and has poor emotional regulation, rather than _necessarily_ being a case of “entitlement” (I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that a person managing a small child should have _some_ degree of priority for a seat). It also says a lot about both ableism and cultural assumptions about teenagers - the way she evidently took it for granted that the teenager couldn’t have a valid reason for occupying the seat. But like you said: communication could have made all the difference.
i know that abusive parent feeling all too well. throughout my childhood i was called selfish & a loser, & it even persisted into adulthood. this is why im semi-no contact with my mom. i dont really call her, & if she does call me ill pick up if i feel like it. almost always, shes calling me because she needs a favor from me. my dad would yell at me, & he even hit me a couple times. but even still, i dont feel nearly as traumatized from his behavior as i do from my moms. the comments about me from her were relentless & it did a lot more damage. my dad has at least apologized for the way he treated me. my mom has yet to
