No, you can't see my baby! 👶🏽 r/AITA | 1 800 Drama Podcast 

I gotta say, after the 2 hours decision, the issue is no longer about whether or not there will be kisses, it is now about how husband completely ignored his wife and steamrolled set plans.

No kissing unless you're the primary caregiver. Herpes is SUPER dangerous to newborns, and you can pass it on even if you don't have an active coldsore.

For future episodes, if you could mark it out with chapters it will make it easier to start and stop, go back to a story, skip over triggering stories, and reference a specific post in the comments. My neurodivergence also just likes seeing chapters on long videos Not a demand just a suggestion. Love your content and so glad we’re getting more! Thank y’all

Story 1: Honestly, 2 weeks is short. You're forgetting that birth is a traumatic medical procedure! Both the mama and the baby need time to recover. Often several weeks! Some cultures prevent visitors for up to a month or longer for this exact reason! Also, the no-kissing thing is 100% valid. Whooping cough is a serious, DEADLY disease for babies, and the main mode of transmission is relatives kissing babies or handling babies without washing hands.

They first caller should tell the nurses she doesn't want anyone in her room. They only listen to the person giving birth and will keep mother in laws at bay. Additional stress during and just after birth is really bad for both mum and baby. The husband isn't the one being ripped open, so he doesn't get a say in the birth room.

So exciting! So happy we aren't losing AITA Mondays and just have it extended with Jamie!

Y’know, the credit fraud situation reminds me of the line “the hand that feeds deserves to be bitten when it beats”

Personally, if I'm holding someone else's baby under 3 months old or so, I'm too busy going "ohmygod ohmygod so new so fragile SUPPORT THE HEAD" to even think about kissing them.

On the topic of children and physical affection I’ve actually also changed the wording recently of how I ask kids for a hug. Instead of “can I have a hug” I ask “would you like me to give you a hug”. It may seem silly but it’s a lot harder to refuse (at least for me) if someone asks for affection vs someone offering to give you affection. And the whole point is not wanting kids to feel obligated to provide affection.

Regarding the first drama; I've given birth 4 times. My personal rule is that I don't want anyone at the hospital that I wouldn't want to see during labor - folks I can be totally vulnerable and exposed with. After a couple days recovery/bonding I'm happy to see folks who are offering help and respecting boundaries, those who will bring a casserole and not judge about my messy hair or unfolded laundry. My MIL is not in that category as she does nothing but judge and ask nosy questions. Anyone not in those categories has to wait until I'm ready to effectively go out in public with baby, usually 4-6 weeks for me. But that's partly because of a history of tearing during delivery and difficulty establishing breastfeeding. Aside from all that, I totally agree that partners need to be on the same page and enforcing boundaries with their families of origin. In general I think that if they don't agree on something then deference should go to the more vulnerable partner, whether that be medically or emotionally. I asked my husband to mask more than he otherwise would have in 2020, for example, because I'm immunocompromised and we had an infant.

About story 1. My parents had a rule not to kiss the baby when I was born. One neighbor assumed it didn’t apply to her and ignored them. She gave me measles and now I’m practically blind in one eye because of it. So for me the no kissing rule is more than reasonable, and in my opinion should be assumed as a rule even if the parents don’t explicitly tell you it is one.

for the first ✨drama✨ i would just disagree with the preposition that it should be a joint decision if someone is going to see me at the hospital. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I'm the one giving birth, I'm the one who's gonna suffer for hours uninterruptedly, I'm the only person who has a say if someone else can or can't see me and our baby after passing through all of this. yeah, come and visit me when I'm well in my home, don't come when I'm all out of forces and dilacerated in a hospital bed. also, i dont think that 2 weeks is that long of a time, but i wouldn't do it because i want my mom and his mom to be able to be close at this moment

I have a toddler. It’s definitely very common within parenting communities online both for the parents to want 2 weeks (sometimes more) before anyone sees the baby. The “no kissing” rule is probably even more prevalent. Maybe it’s just something that’s arisen more during COVID; my kiddo was born in 2021. But even now, I see parents wanting to implement these boundaries. As far as the visitation goes, I think the non-birthing partner should defer to the birthing partner if there’s a disagreement. Like, the birthing partner just carried and gave birth to a child, and that’s so tough physically and emotionally.

That older woman story is creepy as fuck, it’s 100% giving me incesty and predatory vibes (yes she’s not his mother, the rules still apply bc of age gap and their “mother-like” dynamic). Absolutely sick that this woman is taking advantage of OP’s partner’s vulnerability in his time of grief to wedge herself in even more. I guarantee there’s a massive sexual component to this, a lot of times this comes from an older woman being insecure about her attractiveness and using a younger man to alleviate her worries of aging and declining beauty. The fact that she appears to be competing with her own daughter is another huge red flag. My own mother was absolutely nowhere near this extent, but she still sexualized my sister’s husband as well as my own and this has exactly the same vibes. *IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER* about these situations is that people like that rely exactly on those gray areas and twisting social norms to get away with explicitly inappropriate behavior. I think Jamie and Shaaba are polite and lovely people who want to view things in the best light possible, but sometimes it’s good practice to try being a total pessimist and see which one checks out more. The older woman is being completely sexually inappropriate as well as creating an explicitly incestuous dynamic, plain and simple. I feel so sorry for OP’s partner, the woman is clearly preying on him given the situation, and for poor OP trying to navigate all of this with a very limited ability to do anything about it.

For story one, I don’t plan to ever get pregnant, but if I did, my rule would be that any visits from family within the first 2 weeks would only be allowed if they agree to help and their priority is to help me and my partner with the newborn. If someone wants to come only to see the baby and not help out, they can wait a month, maybe even more

Glad to see this! If I could make one suggestion/request: I greatly appreciated having the clipped parts of the AITA posts on screen to help with understanding what was being said (attention issues plus regular trouble processing words plus an accent I don't hear in my daily life), and now it's limited to just the autogenerated subtitles, which are both shorter (harder to catch up/put together what's going on if I get lost) and not always accurate. Please bring back the clipped screenshots!

The one with the fraud investigation had me SCREAMING. I used to have a roommate with a very young daughter who would use her baby girl’s name and info to pay for stuff, and when I’d ask her about it she had this cocky attitude (like that I was dumb) saying bad credit is only in your record for seven years so when she was old enough to need credit, she would be clean. I was like NEVERMIND THAT, WHAT IF YOU’RE WRONG?! So when you started the story, I was doing math in my head to prove to myself it wasn’t her. Ugh. So gross.

Oh snap! The hours after birth are such beautiful bonding moments. Hormones and feelings are not predictable. The fierce need to protect might be at the front. Or the need for community may take precedent. My youngest was born. MIL and baby’s older siblings were kissing on him. He was gravely ill with RSV 36 hours after he was born.

Yay!!!! Excited for more of this!!! I will say for OP in the first one: two weeks without guests was about what my mom went for when she had my sister and me. She had a difficult labor birthing twins, and needed that time to recover. Plus, i was having difficulty breathing on my own, so she didnt want anyone hugging on me

The hospital is 100% her safe place and the staff will kick dad out if she wants to in the hospital she is not wrong as long as she is in the hospital the baby is on her terms too because the baby is still very much attached to mom

Story 1: hot take but I think it is the mother's decision whether or not other people get to see the baby. I'm pretty sure a woman can ask the hospital staff to make any given person leave the room (including the father) if she requests it. If she feels she needs time to get in the swing of caring for a newborn without the added stress of looking after guests too, she can set and enforce that. Plus who knows how much recovery time she'll need.

The woman and her daughter prying on grief.. hits very close to home. It was someone close that had lost a spouse instead of a parent, but so many things overline. Someone gave the mourning person attention and 'love'... and slowly pulled the person away from their family. "Hey spend time with my kids" "Hey I know you promised to do this event with your relatives, but I want to go here." and then making the person feel they were loved... started with money... "Oh I can't afford this can you help?" "Oh we are grieving our dog that passed, can you buy us a new one for us." etc etc. It took the person until they were made to pay THOUSANDS in legal fees to realize what happened... and even now they feel like they're the ones letting the manipulator down by breaking contact.

It's so nice to see Shaaba and Jamie together. I only wish the video had the text from the posts, like the old ones do. It can get hard to track the story without being able to see.

16:00 I completely relate to not being wanted to be touched. I'm neurodivergent, and I absolutely cannot STAND being touched. My family doesn't really understand that though and constantly try to hug and kiss me without asking and I always flinch. It always depends on who's asking me and how I feel, but then people usually push back and say I'm being rude. It's so exhausting just don't touch me.

Genuinely that last situation with the boyfriend got so dark sided when the boyfriend’s comment was added at the end. Truly YIKES. initially I was gonna comment that if the gf wanted to still be there for her bf but had to remove herself from the situation she could take on more of a friend role, and let the motherly role comfort the bf in his time of grief. But I’m convinced that she needs to team up with the bfs family and get him the hell away from that woman and the “friend”.

Congrats on the podcast. Ive NEVER got a notification this early !!!! But for the kissing baby one..... if you kiss a newborn, who is open to all new and old illnesses, while you are sick but dont realize it, and you pass on a flu, that baby will not be able to breathe or eat properly because their nose will be blocked and may get a chest infection. Better to wait (if parent is breastfeeding) to get that colostrom from the breastmilk to boost the babies immune system. When my sister had her baby, I made sure I washed my hands thoroughly before I touched him. It is respectful to do so, because its the parents who have to endure the sleepless nights and worry of a sick newborn. In Australia, it's usually custom to go to the hospital for the initial visit and ooo and ahhh over the baby. Then parents get time alone with their baby at home. Grandparents can stay for a week or so to help out. But parents should be respectful of their kids adult wishes and back tf off. :)

as an Australian I would just like to say we are not singing "summerrrr summerrrrr" we are dying and melting in the heat

Having two weeks to rest and recover without guests interrupting your postpartum time is reasonable. Not only are you bonding as a new family unit but you're most likely going to be sleep deprived, hurting, and don't forget postpartum bleeding and clots that can last for like 6 weeks. No one told me about the bleeding and clots so when I stood up a few hours after giving birth and went to take a shower I thought something was seriously wrong with me. The postpartum bleeding lasted for like a month to and while it did lessen over time it was really heavy at first. (With my youngest I gave birth at a different hospital and a nurse actually came in several times to massage my uterus which hurt but it helped a lot with the postpartum bleeding) Anyways, that time postpartum is going to be a very vulnerable time for the person giving birth. If you don't have family/friends who will be supportive and actually provide you with help you need then quite frankly it's more stress then it's worth. As a new parent I didn't need or want someone to help you hold the baby. I hated when people would tell me, "Oh you need a break let Nana/Auntie/Grandma/etc hold the baby." I hated feeling like I had to fight with family to even be able to hold my baby when they were around. It was a constant game of pass the newborn. When my youngest we lived further away for family couldn't just stop by for a visit. It was so much more peaceful to not constantly feel like we had to be ready to entertain company. We were able to just focus on our family of 3 now being a family of 4. When we did finally see family a few months later it was a much better experience. I guess what I'm saying is even if you don't think you'll need a full two weeks to recover after birth. From my experience it's better to plan on that and set the expectation that you are setting aside that time for recovery and bonding as a family. You can always change your mind later if you feel up to company sooner.

The debt one hit home pretty hard. That is exactly what my partners mother did to him and his other siblings it had a massive impact on us. There is no way out of it unfortunately except legal action or paying it off. It is awful that anyone would do that to their child.

The last one really aggravates me. If I was the gf I would have worried that bf enjoys the attention at first, but then after finding out he doesn't I would've gotten really mad at the friend and her mom. But I also think the most complicated position is that of the bf. He's grieving, and he probably doesn't want to lose the friend and her mum even if he doesn't like the overall way they behave, but telling them to stop behaving like that would likely make them mad again. I just wouldn't have the energy for that while I was grieving. Situations like this are complicated enough on their own but with the whole grieving thing it's so much worse. Which makes the friends mums actions even more disgusting, it really is grooming and taking advantage of grief.

You gotta remember we've just had a pandemic and aren't even free of covid now. Newborn babies have a v fragile immune system and being cautious before they've had their jabs is just sensible. The time to let immune systems develop with everyday germs comes way after. Also birthing parent should have more of a say when they are the person exhausted in a bed in whatever state depending on how the birth went. If they're up for visitors, great. If not, at least leave them alone till everyone is home and no kissing the baby or holding after smoking, which can have awful consequences for little babies.

Yeah, that last one is grooming 100%. I've been through a situation like that where an older man consistently wore my boundaries down. What made it even worse is I was already in and later left an abusive marriage, and my parents were abusive, *and* I was still in the cult I'd been raised in since I was 6 years old. I decided to leave the cult, my abusive husband, and my abusive family, and the area. My groomer was the only person I knew outside of the cult, so I asked him if I could stay at his place, to which he said yes. I'm so thankful now that he had a family (a wife and two daughters close to *my* age), and that of the 3 weeks I stayed at his place, the final 2 he and his family went on an already planned vacation and I stayed behind to dogsit. The worst that happened physically was that he hugged me, but the psychological damage was so much worse than that. I didn't know what was happening to me at that time. There were red flags, but my everyone in my life had red flags, so I might as well have been colorblind. I fortunately managed to get away from him and stayed at a DV shelter. Looking back now, I realize that I could've been in a lot of danger. I didn't know A LOT, and certain older people prey on those who are younger, and it's despicable and disgusting.

congrats on the new set up about the first one with the new born, in my culture is normal to don't visit a new born and its mom, before they become 40 days old. we even have a specific noun for mothers during that period. both mom and baby are vulnerable during that time, and this has been engraved in my culture, nobody demands unless they are a caretaker. that being said, of course most direct relatives(grandparents, siblings) visit at the hospital, were contact and time is limited, and they are not really allowed to do much with the baby lol. maybe touch its feet but no kisses and such.

Story 1: I had my first baby at 21. It’s incredibly important for young parents to establish boundaries early, because you are far less likely to be taken seriously. I also believe that the labouring/birthing person should have the first and last say as far as visitors are concerned. Think of it this way: say we got a brand new puppy, and it was a huge deal for everyone involved. Unfortunately, at the same time someone in our family needs emergency surgery, and is at home recovering when the kids want to invite people over to see the puppy. The person who just went through a health event gets the first and final say on visitors. People coming to meet the puppy can wait. They’re medically vulnerable and trying to recover. When someone is postpartum, they have the added burden of taking care of an entirely new human while also recovering. They’re also working to bond with their child, possibly working on breastfeeding, or navigating health complications. It may be Dad’s baby too, but Dad (usually) has not just given birth. He gets no say until his partner is comfortable with guests. Also, don’t kiss babies who don’t belong to you. Measles and Pertussis can be deadly.

Whoo! So excited! 🎉❤ For the first story: OP is absolutely NTA. Birth is a medical procedure- she will need time to recover, even if everything goes perfectly. Additional stress from guests, especially pushy, disrespectful ones, is the opposite of what she'll need. Plus, they'll both be adapting to being parents a newborn baby... and the lack of sleep that comes with one. (Nevermind the stress of learning to breastfeed, if she chooses to) Those first 2 weeks will probably be a blur. OP's husband is being way too much of a mama's boy, tbh. He needs to stand up for his wife right now. Especially when it comes to kissing the baby! Newborns have died because of RSV or oral herpes transmitted by kissing. It's a very, very dangerous practice. MIL is a boundary stomper - I hope OP has some other support system so if she decides neither hubby (if he can't put on his Dad pants) nor MIL should be in the room, that she'll have someone with her. ETA: Newborns develop their immune systems the entire "4th trimester". It's essential to be extra careful within the first 6 weeks, as they literally have no protection from germs. That means wearing clean clothes, no perfumes/heavy scents, no third-hand smoke, washing hands prior to holding the baby, and minimizing exposure to viruses. (Which may include masking for people who aren't primary caretakers) Exposure to warts, cold sores, and open wounds are an absolute no-no.

If you guys want to keep your Christmas tree up all year you can decorate it for every holiday. That's what my parents do. That tree never leaves their living room. They think it makes it more special because they do every single minor and major holidays. It's super fun!

First the first one, my older brother had his babies (twins) this last year and no one was allowed to see the little squishes for several weeks. However, to make up for us not seeing them in person. He sent us pictures of them pretty regularly during that time and when they ok'd people to.go see the babies. My parents immediately went and spent about week there. Helping my brother and his wife out with stuff while they got some rest.

7:35 I'm currently pregnant with my first (still can't tell my family so you wonderful people get to know). If any of my IRL friends see this, don't tell anyone please, I'll be making a formal announcement soon. My brother will be having his first in February so about 6 months before me. He's doing no pictures, no visitors, no nothing so hopefully it will be easy for everyone to accept when I do the same.

I actually think mother does get the main say with after birth, we had my son at 27 weeks and after a very traumatic NICU stay, I didn’t allow kisses and asked people to wash their hands. My boy was on home oxygen too, we still got push back. Sadly what I saw in my hospital stay, I will 100% enforce the no kissing with our next newborn too!

I DID NOT REALIZE THAT WAS JAMIE IN THE POSTER HIS HAIR IS SO DIFFERENT

I have very strong feelings on story 1. I'm still trying to sort through them, but this is what I've got so far. Firstly, it's my and my partner's baby, which means nobody else has any claim to see it. This feels very harsh (and I personally would not keep my baby from any immediate family), but I immediately felt the need to push back when it was mentioned that MIL referred to her grandchild as "her baby". No, you may be a relation, but that doesn't entitle you to anything if we, the parents don't feel like it. Secondly, I feel a bit conflicted about the joint decision part. On the one hand, yes, we as the parents have to be in agreement, come to a decision we are both happy with and I completely trust my partner to be empathetic and listen to me and my needs if I were to say that I wasn't comfortable with visits. On the other hand, "visiting the baby" necessarily means that I as the mother will also be involved. There is no way I'm letting my baby out of my sight for a while until things have settled down. And if I'm still in pain, sweaty, perhaps covered in other bodily fluids and I don't feel comfortable with being visited then that needs to be respected. Going through labour (which, depending, can be a traumatic experience), meeting the baby, figuring out a new routine, what it means to be a family (and especially at such a young age as OP!), if my instincts are to huddle close as a core unit with partner and baby then that should be more important than other relations' wishes to see the baby. For me, what it comes down to is if it is your own genuine wish to have others participate in those first few days of life, of introducing them to the baby, then totally go for it. But if it is only to appease other peoples' impatience then that doesn't feel like a good time. The baby is (fingers crossed) going to be around for a while, so two weeks doesn't sound like a huge ask at all. It would give me and my partner time and space to bond with the baby and start to figure out our new life. Oh and totally keep your germs away from my baby. I already feel like kissing babys that aren't your own children is such an intimate (not in the sexual way) thing that starts being weird as soon as the baby grows older, so why should it be acceptable when they are younger? Also, MIL, who are you to make any demands about what you are allowed to do with my child?

Wow, that last one was nuts! As someone who was a victim of gaslighting, verbal abuse, and manipulation by a narcissistic older former coworker who thought that because of my anxiety and being empathic they could control me to make themselves feel better out of fear of feeling inferior and I would blindly go along with it feeling sorry for them and looking up to them as an authority figure I hate seeing other people stuck in similar situations and I feel so sorry for them because it royally sucks! The toll that took on my mental health and the trauma as a result of it has been really hard to unpack ever since my blinders came off and I realized what had happened and I finally stood up for myself and it’s now been 15 years since I was fully free from their control, who knows if I’ll ever truly recover from it. Best of luck on that one!

Omg AITA with a sound board cute Tho, i thought it was a period piece, like 1800s drama lol (didnt help with the old clothes either) love it

2 of my favourite people on RU-vid together in one podcast. Can Monday get any better?

When you googled the kissing newborns it mentions foot and mouth disease. I got foot and mouth disease as a baby I had a scratch on my chin that got infected and turned into a huge gash. I couldn’t use a sippy anymore. I’m 20 years old and still have the scar. In it actually changed the shape of my face. So the Op’s concerns over the kissing are very valid.

Excited to listen when I have more time, but first off I'm gonna need a way longer moment to enjoy that AMAZING cover pic, you both look amazing and I now want a full 1950s style queer sitcom starring Shaaba and Jamie

As a healthcare professional that works with infants, I see how rough some infections are for children, the risks that come with them and the trauma it causes and the worry it causes the parents. This is why I feel right now (before having kids) that I would for the first few weeks up to a month not want any visitors and for the first six months very restrictively have a few people come see my child. I do understand though that this is not possible in countries that don't have access to paid parental leave for as long as we do in the country I'm from.

Family kissing babies is the most common way people contract oral herpes. Since the "dawn of time" this has been happening. Most anyone who has developed herpes as an adult knows the first breakout is the WORST & whether its genital or oral, its a miserable experience, especially if you are immuno-compromised...like a newborn is. I've run across pictures of babies with oral herpes outbreaks & its really, really bad. I can't even imagine how horrific the baby feels! Then the baby is infected their entire life, much like the person who infected them. However, there are many people out there who dont even know they are infected, just assume it was a bad sore throat & never went to the doctor who could have diagnosed it. Many adults, especially boomers, might not have been told by their parents they were infected as a baby & just thought everyone gets "cold sores" (which A LOT of people don't even know are herpes or contagious!), because so often there are ads on TV for cold sore medications. Its true that 50-80% of adults have oral herpes, but ideally one would want to prevent someone from being infected, especially a new borns who CAN DIE from an infection. Infant deaths due to herpes are actually increasing, possibly due to lack of knowledge around "cold sores" & kissing babies when you don't know you have oral herpes. This isn't even mentioning all the other contagious illnesses that both babies & new parents could do without! Decisions around the baby need to be both parents agree or nothing happens. Also, I don't think anyone other than parents should ever be kissing children due to the risk. Once a child is able to understand the risks of STIs, so essentially as a teenager, AND be able to consent, then I think kissing can be requested consent from the teen. Btw, puppies smell MUCH better than babies!

I'm so happy that there's a podcast. I remember when Shaaba and Jamie first started using that microphone app during COVID and they had such a good podcast vibe. I definitely agree with the first one. When my godson was born preemie there were posters everywhere saying "don't kiss your baby". They were super strict on it. 0 kissing from anyone except the mum seems to be becoming more acceptable. I feel the second one. I had a parental figure open bank accounts in my name when I was 21. Thankfully they were saving money not earning debt. However I still got in trouble with several government agencies because I had money I hadn't declared. That's actually how I found out too. It sucks but people like that aren't worth your energy. Even distance+ time can serve as a learning opportunity

I'm a mother (and I love my child dearly) but babies are gross. My least favorite parenting years hands down, I do not get nostalgic for "baby smell" or whatever.. like it was awful, we couldn't communicate, he couldn't tell me what he wanted, I was exhausted just.. yuck. I'll take smelly teen over smelly diaper any day.

Excited the pod is out! Grats on kicking the podcast off! Re: the first story - rsv can really be life-threatening for infants, so it really CAN be life and death. For story 3: they're trying to make sure that when bf comes out of grief, he'll feel like gf wasn't there enough for him but ~~friend and friend mom~~ were by his side. They're setting it up so that she can't be there while he can't see it or stop it. Edit: I went to the reddit page, read the comments, and ops replies and updates, it's a really creepy and sad situation - people think 50sF may have broomed him since he was 14 (I agree) , and reviewing their relationship a few weeks on, op said there's been a pattern of him backburnering her, not speaking to her for days until he's bored or wants her affection, etc. And coupled with this situation and him not actually standing up for her, she plans to leave once he's processed his grief more.

Free Palestine 🇵🇸 ceasefire now! You two are the cutest couple ❤ love the vid

when my best friend gave birth to her child, she informed us friends that she would only want us to first meet her after 3 months. we accepted that

Coming from a southern Italian family there was a HUGE community we were around and the "hugs and kisses are mandatory" as a kid is deff something I relate to. I also had to unlearn this and I'm now a big believer in asking children if they'd like a hug, a Highfive or a wave AND respecting their choice enthusiastically

As a mother of five, my newborns weren't allowed around anyone but me, my partner, their siblings and one other support adult for six weeks.

I had a baby a year ago, and I remember learning that RSV is like a simple cold or could have no symptoms for healthy adults, but can be deadly for newborns (and I know someone whose baby was hospitalized, so the "no kissing" rule is not the ne she could compromise on. The two weeks one would be the one to compromise on. For the hospital, I do think it should be her choice because even if people are coming to see the baby, she's still a patient too (potentially more so than the baby). When I had my baby, we weren't going to have any visitors, but we ended up being in there for a week, so my parents visited. Hubby's parents live far away, so we decided together when would be best for them to visit.

My little dude was 6 weeks early which meant that once we were out of hospital, no visitors under 14 until he was three minthsnold; all othersbhad to sanitize before coming inside; and if you felt unwell at all you had to mask up and not touch the baby. So I agree that her rules of 2 weeks before visiting is just fine and absolutely no kisses that aren't from the parents themselves. Little ones have to get used to the home germs before being introduced to others.

i had a really rubbish day and i just had an hour cry so now im watching this to try and help regulate myself. I’m literally a few minutes in and its helping me sm so thank you guys for putting a smile on my face :)

Yay I’m so excited that the podcast came out, I wish you nothing but good vibes! Edit: Omg thank you Shaaba and Jamie for acknowledging me, you’re literally making my week! The videos you people each create make life a little bit easier. Especially when you and Jamie post positive trans related videos, it make it seem as if there isn’t a lot of hate going on right now. Lots love 💛

A podcast! YEA!!!!

I thought that 1800 meant the year 1800. Maybe adding a hyphen between 1 and 800 would be helpful.

I am very sorry but I am not going to agree with you about who's decision it is when it's OK to invite people after birth. Because even if it is to see the baby, the mom is perfectly entitled to be around her baby 24/7, as is the dad, but the difference is that it was her giving birth, and not only physical but hormonal changes are crazy and I personally think that it should by her decision unconditionaly supported by her partner. Especially if she nows that her mother-in-law is pushy and she is not going to have the mental capacity to deal with that. The only thing I agree is that it should be a decision made after the birth, because thinks can truly go so many ways.

Congratulations on your new podcast! The poster is simply immaculate 👏🏽

As someone who has lost my mother, I experienced a void of a maternal figure in my life that is hard to put into words. I sought out some older women who knew my mom to speak into that void and lessen that pain a little bit. It wouldn't surprise me that Op's boyfriend looked for comfort in a close maternal figure and then she took advantage of the situation. I hope OP can make the decision that is best for them and OP's boyfriend can process grief in a healthy way.

Your discussion on ultimatums was illuminating and extremely valuable. It’s boundaries 101: you don’t set boundaries to control someone else, you set boundaries to control your own behavior and protect yourself. Well done you two.

"I wanna smell a baby toe" Jamie: 😨 Shabba is right Jamie, babies have the sweetiest of smells

I love when Shaaba talks about unlearning consent issues, because I feel like it was something I needed to hear

I recently had a baby and for me it makes a big difference what the personalities and relationships are for who gets to visit when.

Yay so excited for this to be a regular thing 😁😁

Yay! Love the longer format and hearing Jamie’s perspectives, would love to see guests on this too e.g. Roly and Luxxeria

Aussie here, and yeah, summer. So lots of sun (and alllllllll the sunscreen) and being outdoors. It's still summer school holidays for the kids. As far as the "no visitors for 2 weeks" thing with baby... I've had two kids. The first weeks are hard. You're trying to learn breastfeeding (not always, obviously), still bleeding fairly heavily, and usually still very sore while also trying to meet the intense needs of a tiny little human who doesn't exactly come with a guidebook. While I personally had no issues with people visiting, I'm not everyone and I feel like the husband needs to pull his head in and respect the wishes of his wife. And yes. What in the CTF. XD

Just what I needed today! I love tuning into Shaaba's weekly AITA vids and Jamie is a great bonus. The intro was perfect!

ahhh i love 'am i the asshole' monday's, so the addition of jamie makes this even better 💛

53:28 yes! "I" statements and not assigning blame is one of the most useful tools to defuse an uncomfortable situation like this ❤

This is so great! Just wondering if it would be possible to bring back to the text box with the story? It makes it so much easier to focus in and process the words.

Omg 2 weeks sounds perfectly reasonable. As someone who needs longer time to rest and recouperate from anything in general I would prob need more than 2 weeks if I gave birth. And you don't even know how it's gonna go, better say 2 weeks and then invite family over sooner than that if it feels good and you want it then, than having to cancel a visit because you are too tired or just don't want to see anyone. I feel like during the first month, you priorotize the physical and mental health and needs of the newborn and the birthgiver. Sure the other parent(s) should make decisions with the birthgiver, but they should base their decisions on the needs of the birthgiver and newborn.

Story 1 about the MIL and wanting to kiss OP's baby reeks of enmeshment. She seems to see any type of boundary setting as a personal attack and at this point it feels like she sees being able to kiss the baby as a way to mark her territory. I think it'd be very irresponsible for OP to give in and let MIL have her way, because MIL is just going to take that inch and run with it to the other side of the planet. I could be misreading the situation, but so far all the signs seem to point that way.

Regarding story 1 and the birth/inviting people - the birthing mother had 100% control over who was allowed to visit at my hospitals. When they are at their house, that is a different situation, but in hospital - it's completely about the birthing parent and baby and birthing parent decides. Even to the point that because my blood pressure spiked when my husband came in, when he stepped out the nurse came in to let me know that if I didn't want him there, he would be gone. I laughed long and hard but appreciated that their care was wholly focused on me and baby and who was there was completely my decision. I don't want it to come to that, but if she wants them out of the hospital, they will be escorted out. However, that's nuclear and I hope they can achieve a better balance and agreement and buffer against intrusive, overbearing MIL so she doesn't have to go to that points. In general 2 weeks? I think that's reasonable. Earlier is fine if you feel up to it. But I was in a fair amount of pain and exhausted, and overwhelmed for at least a full week. We had some visitors who were respectful and we had my mom who was welcome but people who were not welcome? Oh hell no. Bleeding, stitches, pumping, exhaustion . . . nope. Leave me alone.

There's a Reddit story about a man who feels absolutely horrendous because he passed his herpes (I believe that's what it was) onto his newborn child because he had kissed them on the top of the head. He had gotten the herpes as a young kid from his mother I believe, and had lived nearly his whole life with it. He said that he knew to be careful, that when his herpes flared up he would make certain to not kiss those that he loved and that he was acutely aware of the dangers and he didn't want to slip up somehow and give it to his newborn but he couldn't see that his baby had the smallest of injuries on top of their head so when he kissed there he couldn't have known at the time that he had done the one thing he was trying so hard to avoid. They found the baby had gotten his lifelong disease because it had gotten increasingly sick. So even kissing a baby on the head can have its dangers.

The first week after I gave birth nobody visited us. My mom made food and delivered it to our doorstep, my in-laws didn’t see their grandson until he was almost one month old. And I’m very glad nobody complained. It was a hard recovery for me and a rough start for baby, so I was very grateful for the understanding in our families

An acquaintance I went to high school with and still have on Facebook posted about how an Aunty of the child kissed her newborn baby despite her and the father trying to set boundaries, and the baby contracted herpes that then proceeded to leave him with lifelong neurological damage and disability. As someone who’s not looked into having kids myself, I had no idea the newborn immune issues could get so severe. It’s no joke! :(

Poll answer, two weeks is incredibly reasonable to wait! Also Please, for the love, please Google RSV before y'all have babies. That's not a joke. RSV, flu, etc are incredibly dangerous for newborns. Hospital, possibly morgue, and that's not hyperbolic.

Please put the post onscreen while you're reading out the stories. My neurodivergent brain needs a visual aid as well to focus. I'm a huge fan of this weekly segment and am very excited about the new podcast. But I'm struggling to keep up with the narrations due to this :(

I kept not watching because the conversation about "ok" was so contextless that I thought I'd missed a titlecard or something lol

I don't have any squishes, but I talked to my mother about it, and she brought up that the parents of the newborn are going to be so exhausted, they'll probably want some help in the first 2 weeks and beyond. In OP's case, I would only want help from people who I know would respect my choices and boundaries.

Kissing a baby actually can be life or death ♥️ there is no reason for anyone to be kissing on a baby. We are geeky adults and they are so delicate ! If you see photos and videos of babies who get RSV, it’s scary !!

On Shaaba's interpretation of "It's a little dramatic to call it life or death." No, not necessarily. We went to a baby first aid day course a little while back and the instructor urged us to not be around young kids (pre school age; not just newborns) with coldsores/herpes outbreaks. She said "Either keep your distance or put on the plasters properly." She actually knew a family personally where the aunt (with coldsores/known herpes on an outbreak) went to visit the new baby (in the NICU, so double stupid circumstances) in the hospital and it actually died. And because they have no immune system - and later on, a developing/weaker one; which is why through into primary they're constantly cold in flu season - there's nothing the staff could do. They had to just watch the baby die, cause the limited options they have weren't helping. I don't wanna scare anyone, but this is a very serious thing, and as you read earlier, Shaaba, it's not commonly known in the UK (or in general, I suppose), when it absolutely should be!

No kissing my newborn baby ever if you are not my spouse or me no exceptions.

THE THUMBNAIL!!! I didn’t even recognize Jamie for a hot minute.

Would you be able to put a box in the gap between the two of you so that those of us who need to visually read along to comprehend? Myself as an example, I have auditory processing disorder & cannot follow along always, along with memory issues, so I typically rewind it if I misunderstood something. Also its way too frustrating to have to try to get to where I need to read the captions when writing a comment & needing to quote what I am referencing. I completely understand this is your first episode of a new format & the written story box may have been intended, just got forgotten in everything. Love that its both of you working together to solve these dramatic stories! I hope you are having a great 2024 so far & that everything beyond the text box is going smoothly! 💙💜💖

The whole story of the mom asking for two weeks after the birth of her baby is so blown out of proportion. Two weeks is literally nothing to wait for. That’s what we waited when my latest nephew was born and it was fine. We literally saw my first nephew in person after a whole year because of country barriers and that was fine. Texting and having FaceTimes exist for a reason.

2nd story. I have mommy issues thanks to similar experience. (not that dramatic as owning 8k but it's from childhood so for me at that time it was like 8k). Kontext: I was a kid who saved money a lot. Im talking about every coin i received cuz i wanted to buy "expensive" staffs on my own. Also my mother used to steal money from dad or steal his personal belongings. Story: it was around Christmas when we decided to go to capital city. I was do existed bcs we were about to go to toystore and i could purchase toy i really wanted for long. When i was at the cashier i frozen cuz my money was missing we talking about big money on 7yo kido like 2k in czk which is like 70£. I stared to cry cuz i felt like i did something wrong and wasn't able to count it properly (adhd kid). After that i left with something else and we get going to go on transport back home. It was when she decided to tell me the truth that she "borrowed it" which is not true cuz she didn't ask, she just didn't want to admit that she stole form her own kid. After that my dad started to sleep on his wallet and i stop saving (i have now big issues thanks to that cuz i feel like i need to spend everything before someone takes it). Past forwarded to my 12/13yo when she decide to open an account on my name were she left debts from fees. Then she open an account for building savings which i didn't know about till my 17 when she no longer lived with us so she couldn't hide letter i got from them that i have debts there. Ps. Im no contact with her cuz with this on top i have thanks to her really messed up mental health and she's manipulative so i can't risk being around her.

It's so cute the way Jamie looks at shaaba when he makes her laugh. It's like "hey, I did that, wow". Just cute

I know others are giving all the good reasons to wait before letting people see baby but also… covid!! During one of the biggest waves of a pandemic I wouldn’t be taking any risks. Not just for bub, but post partum risks like blood clots are also risks of covid, so it’s super important for mum to stay safe as well.

It's here!!🎉 OK, I just finished watching, and I LOVED it! I listen to quite a bit of AITA, and the one thing missing from most is actual discussion... some videos just read the comments, which I rarely even bother with, some give their own opinions, which is great, but actually having two people (or maybe more as guests at some point, hint hint) to bounce ideas around makes for top tier listening, especially if they're as thoughtful and lovely as you guys❤... fingers crossed this takes off like it deserves to 🤞

The first story is so gross imho. I come from a family that is very close and in the last 4-8 years alot of my siblings/cousins had babies and while we were all excited to see the little babbies and smother them in love, we still gave everyone’s individual families time to recoup and we saw them when they told us they were comfortable with company! Granted it was only a few days after the birth, but still 2 hours afterwards is INSANE. The only exception I’d ever have for that is if both my partner and I felt comfortable with having maybe 1 or 2 people come once all the chaos is over with. When my sister had her baby in 2021, we were allowed to come over and hold him, she told us all to wear masks for this exact reason and none of us had an issue! If you truly care about the baby and the person who’s giving birth, you’ll respect their boundaries even if you wouldn’t have those same boundaries for your own baby. Honestly she needs to throw her husband in the bin because he cares more about his mothers hurt feelings than his child’s safety and the comfort of his WIFE

on the mother taking out credit cards in their kids name, things like this can happen easily because parents usually set up their kid's bank accounts when they are kids, so the parents still have access to the account after their kids 18, unless the kid goes to the bank and removes their parents access (I think it's automatically removed after like 25 or something)

I have a feeling that no matter what the parents decided the MIL would push back regardless. I had my child 33 years ago, so views were different then, but even then they did what they called "rooming in", meaning that the baby stayed with me the entire time except for during visiting hours, and that's when the babies were locked in the nursery and visitors could look but not touch. Here we are in a post-covid society and we have video calling. I know that everybody wants to hold the baby and smell it's head (you are SO right Shaaba), but we should understand now that precautions are for good reason. If MIL/grandma can't take the hint, then she's gonna get video calls for the first month. My in-laws were out of state when I had my daughter, when they came back my FIL's sister & BIL came back with them. And of course she got passed around between the 4 of them. She was sick for a week because of it. We don't think about how much stress that puts on a baby from there's POV, we just see it as a squish being held. But when you put yourself in that position, it's just overwhelming.

I love AITA with Shaaba, but I love having a version with Jamie as well! The both of you have such insightful thoughts individually, so it's double the awesome having you chat together. Excited for this new show!

Companies don't care who pays it as long as it gets paid.