Should Women Give A "Proposal Ultimatum" To Their Partner? | TikTok Compilation 

No ultimatums... Instead: State what you're looking for. State your expectations. And most importantly: Maintain firm boundaries. Don't let him move in. Don't even give him a key. Don't take on any responsibilities in his home (no domestic labor!) or with his kids (no chaffeuring kids to activities!). Don't give him children. Don't give him more than 2 years of dating. If he hasn't proposed after 2 years, dump him the next day. Gotta be ruthless with men!

don't give an ultimatum ...... just leave

This is weird. Why would you want to marry someone who doesn’t want to marry you? Where’s the self respect?! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Be careful stating your intentions.. If you give him 2 years he may just run up that whole two years of wife tryouts with no intention of marrying you.

The girl who has been with her partner since 13 is insane… the fact that she gave him the ultimatum and he nonchalantly said that it’s obvious she won’t go through with it is upsetting. Like the girl who stitched that video said, never give a boyfriend the “wife package” because then they’ll never want to upgrade!

Dude is forgetting that people can lie about their expectations in the beginning.. I say, just leave if you find yourself being strung along 🤷🏽‍♀️

The second girl is not even lying. Almost all the marriages/engagements i know of are the result of an ultimatum but I could never say that out loud because of fear of being labelled a hater😂

Why put your goals in someone else’s hands?? YOU create the timeline/set the date for when YOU want to be married and if you don’t get what you want according to your timeline then cut your losses and move on.

I watched an older friend date a guy for 7 years and she left him when she was like 25 or 26 (I was like 20 ish at the time) and the dude had the nerve to tell her "I was going to propose!". No he wasn't, it was just an emotional manipulation to try to get her to stay. Seeing that left a huge impression on me for not letting someone waste your time so when I was a couple years into dating my now husband of 13 years, I told him you have five years. If you don't know by then, then you never will and I will dump you and move on at what would have been 26 years old. He proposed around year 4 and we got married after being together for 6 years and had our kid when we were four years into our marriage. We've been together almost 18 years and I'm so glad I didn't pussyfoot around. It wasn't exactly an ultimatum but it was a firm declaration of intent. You deserve to know where you stand with people and whether or not they want what you want.

They're jsut going to give you a shut up ring, don't do it! You want different things, move on

An ultimatum is a sign for the other person to _leave._ Just leave. And if you're tempted to _give_ an ultimatum? Don't. JUST. LEAVE.

The moment you start giving ultimatums, then that’s where everything goes downhill. I say this as a wife, you’ll never be able to tell your husband what to do. If he doesn’t propose within a year of dating, leave. My husband proposed just after 3 months.

You will get a shut up ring 💍 and then a shut baby 👶that he doesn’t take care of right!

I broke up with my boyfriend before our 4 year anniversary. He then said thus was ironic because he intended to propose on our 4yr anniversary. But in further conversation, turns out he intended to have me pick my ring and us have a long engagement. I told him FIRST DATE that I wanted a marriage in a reasonable time so we could contribute to financial wellness together. Boy let me buy my own house after he already owned his own house. Nope. Done. You lost me the moment I invested in myself, not us.

Ladies if it comes to ultimatum territory, pack your shit, take your dignity and GO! - woman who gave ultimatum, was numb once I finally got the ring, and is now happily divorced.

It’s the people who want to shame people who use ultimatums. If you are okay shacking up and being a pushover in a relationship where your needs and standards aren’t met, or you can’t express your needs, rock out. I love that for you. But let’s be clear. This is what I want. This is how I feel. I need someone who wants to be that for me. If that’s not you, I have to leave. And no. I don’t need a “someday.” I need to not waste my precious time. If we don’t make progress in our relationship within a specific space then we are clearly going nowhere and I’m not okay with that. Bye ✌️ You want to shame women for doing that. But nobody shames the men who are users and parasites on women’s lives. Nah. Give the ultimatum and stick to it. Give it once and once only. If the terms of the relationship aren’t met. Then leave. The warning was already given. So y’all can now be free to live your respective best life and now he doesn’t have to worry about being nagged about it again because you’re gone.

Honestly couldn’t care less about being married or with a man now, wasted enough time on them! Female friends keep trying to pressure me to get off with randoms or date which I find irritating when I’ve clearly stated I’m not interested. A lot of them are desperate for a bloke though.

Been married twice, never gave an ultimatum, those men chose me. (First husband was lovely, we were just waaaayyy too young)

I have mixed feelings about this. Women often waste too much time waiting for their partner to marry them. So an “ultimatum” seems like reinforcing a boundary that was probably already set from the beginning. I suppose just leaving is probably a better option than an ultimatum. Typically, women do express their desires early into the relationship and the partner will co-sign to be with her even if he doesn’t plan to meet those desires. Then suddenly that time comes and he isn’t upholding his side of agreement. Either way I agree with women leaving the relationship if their partner doesn’t have the same future goals as them instead of wasting years.

Examples of other "ultimatums" or conditions: But these things are understood. "If you don't pay rent, you will be evicted" If you don't pay the car note, it will be repossessed" If you don't show up for work, you won't get paid". If you don't pay the power bill, the lights will be shut off". A lot of men just plan on using a woman for 2 or 3 years. Wash, rinse, repeat. This is what happens if you have sex outside of marriage.

The girl in the red and the cute visor is FIRE. She knows.

Ultimatums come from a place of desperation. You give up your power, and you lose. 7billion people, jesus women 😅

That girl who had the man’s kids before marriage 😢 You don’t have a man’s kids and THEN try to twist his arm into a marriage. You have no upper hand to make any requests or requirements when you weren’t requiring any of that before having his kids. You can’t force a man into anything. I agree that if you want to be married y’all should have the conversation about your desires very early on, and then in YOUR OWN PERSONAL TIMELINE when your deadline has passed, you do not get angry, you do not argue, you do not bring it up, you just end the relationship and leave. Because he/she already was aware of your desires and your approximate timeframe and they tried to call your bluff. If they’re not ready, that’s fine. But don’t torture yourself by staying in something that goes against what you believe in. If you truly want marriage, stand on that. LEAVE

I think that what you get from an ultimatum is a shut up ring. It's all well and good to communicate your expectations at the beginning of a relationship like the dude at 3:25 is saying but people (and by that I mean men for the most part, but not exclusively) lie both to themselves and to their partners about what they are capable of and want. So, if you are in a place where you want to get married and your partner hasn't asked, by all means, have a conversation about your desire for marriage. But if they don't enthusiastically WANT to marry you, giving an ultimatum just gives all your power away. Suddenly THEY get to decide how your life goes. If you want to be married, you need to be partnered with someone who WANTS to marry you. And especially for women, men benefit a lot by being partnered with a woman. They live longer, have better health, less depression and anxiety and greater financial and career success when partnered with a woman. They also get a lot of social capital from their peers and employers by being partnered with a woman. The opposite is true for women partnered with men. So men have an incentive to keep you around even if he doesn't like you. Even if he straight up h8tes you, he STILL will receive benefits from being with you. When you force an ultimatum, him proposing doesn't mean he loves you and has any intention of being a good husband, it means he knows he will lose access to you, your body, your emotional, management and household labor and your resources if he doesn't propose. So, if/when he finds someone he genuinely DOES want to marry, he will leave the ball and chain that forced him into marriage for the new woman. A shut up ring is placating the SO temporarily so he can continue to have his cake and eat it, too. If marriage is not equally important to both of you, it's probable that it will not end well if you coerce your SO into it.

Giving an ultimatum is showing him you literally have no options other than him. You should move with silence and power when it comes to men.

2 years is way too long! No way am I waiting that long.

Lllsssss did she say that ultimatums are the reason for the majority of marriages proposals?! Well now, no Wonder sooo many marriages end in Divorce. This is NOT the way to go. This will lead to failure 😢

IMHO, Why should he marry you if he gets everything you have to offer before marriage. Don't shack/live together, don't exchange keys, don't give him access to your social media passwords and if you plan on having protected sex with him, at least make sure you both are exclusive with each other before you do the deed. (I actually hate that men and women have been socialized to engage in casual sex as a prerequisite of dating and relationships outside of marriage. I hate it because women are the likely casualties of this and if children are had, they are the casualties of this culture.) It is easy to set these boundaries up front. Like when you ask him what is he looking for or what type of relationship he wants e.g. friends with benefits, casual to include sex, friendship only etc. and what would be your answer, e.g. I date with marriage in mind, I want exclusivity, grow our friendship first to get to know each other's personalities, his and your wants, needs, short and long term goals. This is stuff you can find out on dates 1-5 without sex or oral sex. You both can ghost the other if they aren't traveling down the same road as you are early in the relationship. Never have to hear, I told you this from day 1 or date 4-5. Know up front and if you are scared to have these conversations, perhaps you aren't as ready as you think for finding your life partner/husband. Also, know that people will lie to you to get what they want from you so be watchful how he behaves in addition to what he says and have limits on what you give a man outside of sex too e.g. cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, managing his life etc. because those and sex on demand so to speak are all wifely duties.

6:44 you already gave him two kids lol

And they just call of the wedding

Set the boundary that you date to marry and that's the goal

this doent age well at all

Don't give ultimate. Just leave. Save the little self-respect you have

No. Just make the decision to leave because you know when there has been enough time invested.

Why on earth would I want to marry someone that I had to force into proposing to me??? Hello??? Either he's sure about me and asks me himself, or my internal deadline is up and I walk away. I'm not going to ever say "Marry me or I'm leaving." I MIGHT give the disclosure that "Your time to decide you want this to be for life so I'm leaving." But I might not even do that.

i don’t like surprise engagements either, I always think it should be discussed amongst the couple. However, if the only way I can get my partner to marry me is through an ultimatum, I’d rather leave. Marriage should be an exciting step for the couple, not done as an obligation. I want my partner to be excited at the prospect of spending a lifetime together.

And now they broke the engagement and cancelled the wedding…

Woman gives proposal ultimatum: RUN! The bat-shift crazy is showing up.

If she's going to give it, give it to herself. Because all she's doing is dorcing hi.. if she sets the time limit to herself a d if it goes betond that then she leaves. Discussing ahead of time is still no guarantee. Theyll tell you what you want to hear to get the goods.

I gave an ultimatum to my husband after being with him for four years. I didn't want to waste my time if he wasn't thinking about settling down with me. At the time I was so ready to leave his ass if he wasn't ready to marry me. Now, it has been almost 10 years since we have been married.

I always hated the whole will he won't he hang around to find out concept.

the women who do this are weird. how can they be happy if he finally marries them, not because he loves them, but because you gave him an ultimatum?

My husband didn’t need an ultimatum, not everyone needs one to make a decision.

I agree with the guy stating to be upfront about your expectations with marriage and kids..get it out the way in the beginning.. ultimatums are not healthy

Either way, there's going to be resentment from someone if you both want different things at the same time. It's a sticky situation but I think if done well, can be good at establishing a hard line that's needed.

The thing with the girl saying give ultimatums, is that she is financially completely free. She knows if the guy bounces and leaves in the middle of the night, she will not have any additional problems with looking for a home or another guy. She is n ot in the same position as many women would be. Money matters.

Quite frankly I think proposals are kind of stupid. My husband and I have been together for 18 years married for 14 there was no proposal.

Well I could understand a few years. , If they got together when they were teenagers. Or maybe not that well off yet. You know, It takes time to finish school , & finding a good career. Also people should take their time getting to know someone before marrying them.

And they broke off the engagement... ultimatum does not work guys if you have not already now

stupid stupid idea. now she(Estee) sees the result. she was so obsessed with marriage she could have married a sack of potatoes. he probably only tried because of the stupid ultimatum. i guess she thought the guy was stupid or something.......you should never push people. you have to either accept you want different things in life and find a middle ground or move on. and i guess he chose to move on. now she can be single as long as she wants.

Perhaps a woman should just propose to her man and if he is in any way hesitant just walk.

The one upside of modern arranged marriage where I come from - even he isn't confused about why he's in the room. The ultimatum? Leave now. You're staying? Ok, when?

😳

I'm someone that wants marriage but I'm not doing this shit. id rather propose to my bf myself than do this dumb shit. I've also discussed that with him.

Well she be with adopting dogs for life.

Or you propose

Why don’t women ever think of proposing themselves?

No ultimatum! Just state your wants and needs at the beginning. If not respected, just leave!

In my experience guys know between 3-6 months if they want to wife you up. If he’s not staying he wants you forever by a year (on his own) then you’re probably a place holder until he finds someone he really wants. And for the love of everything sacred save the wifey duties (kids, cleaning his place, living together, etc) for when you’re an actual wife. Pour into yourself and your own lifestyle and let that speak for what kind of partner you’ll be.

Men waste women time. It doesn’t take 5 years to know you want to marry someone

Men: we dont wanna be pressured Also men: expecting husband treatment without wifing you up.

One young lady says to tell a man how long you'll remain in a relationship, at the very beginning. Why wouldn't he simply stay until right before your deadline and then leave? 🤷🏽 Trust your gut, don't be desperate, protect yourself (in every way) and judge for yourself if he's ready for marriage with YOU.

I mostly agree with giving ultimatums over no ultimatums not because I like the dynamic of things being like that but because it’s fair for both people to air their opinions on when they want to lock things down. If I’m in the wrong because I tell someone my timeline and possibility of leaving then it’s unfair because it implies that the person who is not ready should be the sole decision maker on things. I think they can both meet each other half way in their timelines but saying that you should wait till the other person is ready is not sensible because what if they’re only ready in ten years ? Yes there’s no guarantee of the marriage working out with the ultimatum but guess what, there is no guarantee even if they marry after dating for 12 years too. Some people just don’t want to waste their time with people when they can start new lives with someone who is more on their timeline of things. Edit: my only issue with the ultimatum thing though is how it can come off like a threat. But I think that is a good defining moment for knowing how much you are willing to be with someone that gives you a timeline. You live your life and if it’s not realistic for you, you let them walk away.

I don't get the difference between an ultimatum and saying what you want, honestly.

Why do you have 2 children with someone who can't get himself together? When you leave, give him the kids.