Should you GASLIGHT a GASLIGHTER? 

Don't forget to forget the narcissist who forgets you.

You can't make a narcissist doubt their reality. They create their own reality, so they can't possibly be wrong.

You're absolutely right ma'am. It's exhausting for the empathetic people to do this even for a few days. The best route is to protect yourself and stop being their supplier.

Narcissism is like black mold. If you don't get rid of it, it takes over, causing severe health problems and then eventually death.

The best part of knowing a narcissist AND deleting him/her outbof your life is........integrity

Thank you! I always felt weird when being told "just beat them at their own game, do this and that" instead of "stop taking part in their game, here's how I can help you."

If someone is repeatedly gaslighting you, the relationship is detrimental to our overall wellbeing and we should exit it. Thank you dr Ramani ❤

I did it ONCE before I went no contact with my family. It was hysterical. I fed my mother a few little nuggets of "don't tell anyone but...", completely outrageous things which can be easily disproven. Well, she leaned in, pretty much panting and drooling, and told a dozen people within a day, which of course backfired spectacularly on them, leaving her and my sister looking like utter fools. I know it's not prolonged, but it was so very rewarding and opened people's eyes to what their real motives are. :)

Dr Ramani is such a blessing to so many of us. SO grateful for her information & compassion for those of us suffering the heinous evils of the narcissist.

Tempting though! I can imagine they’ll just project it back. Fruitless. They don’t care. It’ll hurt you more than it will them.

A true empath will get physically ill plus plus plus if they ever gaslight a gaslighter. It is so disturbing to peace.

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Mark Twain

Does anyone else on here (whilst acknowledging the video disclaimer) treat these videos as a little form of daily therapy? My therapist of 8 years recently relocated so I am having a hard time finding a new one. Listening to Dr Ramanis work really helps foster a therapeutic space for me. It’s a time to learn and reflect, heal, and so many other important things. I’ve watched all of her videos dozens of times over, along with reading her books, and listening to her podcast, and they have been such a blessing. Everything is readably available and at basically no cost. Thank you so much Dr Ramani, for all the beautiful hard work you do, to help each and everyone of us start our journey in healing and prosperity ❤️

Another point worth mentioning, is that you should not gaslight the gaslighter because that would require you to stoop down to their level of degeneracy.

While he was gaslighting me hard during his hoovering yesterday, I was watching him and thinking of your videos. He was such a textbook sadistic gaslighter narc. I ran down the stairs crying, rejecting his hoovering for the first time and didn't look back. He approached me to kiss me and for the first time I said to him 'no! If you dare even try to get me back again, you will have to deal with me!'. Thanks to you! Dr Ramani thank you! Greece

This had a refreshing twist to it. I never really thought of asking myself 'could I really do this to another human being for an extended period of time'. Just the thought of it is nauseating. Like think about it. You have to have a level of mental awareness that is incredibly alert, has a decent level of attention to detail and continually be in that state whenever you're around this person so you can attack another person's perceived reality and do so when prompted. Gyah, just makes my skin crawl thinking about it.

Great insight. It's not the occasional attempt to wrong-foot another person. Gaslighting is the sustained grinding down of another person's ability to accurately perceive themselves. Death by a thousand cuts; and the first cut is NOT the deepest.

Doctor Ramani, please do not ever take down this video. In fact, it would be wonderful if you never took down any videos. I will need to play all of them for my grandchildren who will desperately need them. I think that this more than competently explains why malignant narcissists make for unfit parents.

Gaslighting a gaslighter will bring all the smoke.

Both my parents are/were narcissists and two weeks ago my Mother died which I thought would be a relief but it brought up so many mixed emotions. Unfortunately due to my Mother's cancer battle and being in hospital for months my Father was the worst in gaslighting I have ever seen or been aware of. When I tried to go against what he was saying was wrong or just a different opinion the rage that came back at me was terrifying to the point that as soon as my Mother's funeral is done I will be cutting contact with my Father. All this time he has been the loving caring compassionate man in public taking care of his wife, which he has done, but he has controlled every aspect of getting access to see my Mother and information about how she was doing etc and told the hospital that only he was allowed info about her care and how she was doing. It has made myself and my sister extremely ill and he has even banned my sister from attending the funeral or watching the Livestream online. Neither of us ever want to be anywhere near him again after the funeral cos we mentally and physically do not feel safe around him. I feel when my Mother died we lost both parents cos of his behavior. Going against or gaslighting a narcissist is definitely not worth it cos it will only hurt yourself not them.

I feel like I gaslighted one once. It was a situation where something I had said in the past was distorted and the distorted version had been communicated to the narcissist who threw the words back at me in a rage. I denied saying it (which was the truth), rather than explain that there had been conversation, but it didn't go the way they had been told. I used to feel guilty like I had lied or misled, but now I think it was the right choice because no matter what they wouldn't have believed me, and I was done trying to reason with them. I'm pretty sure that they still think I'm gas lighter and always will, but I don't care anymore.

I don't understand why a person would want to intentionally choose narcissistic behaviours like gaslighting. Engaging with a narcissist is pointless, because I think they lack insight and will keep trying to punish/hurt you for standing up for yourself. It's a waste of time and effort, AND you don't benefit from it. They're not worth your time/effort. Dr. Ramani's DEEP technique has really helped me. Spending more time strengthening my boundaries and working on affirming and strengthening myself has helped me recognise the value of my inner peace.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Healing from gaslighting is so hard because I DO wonder, "Is she right? Am I narcissistic?"

Let's be real, it isn't a pie. It's a bakery.

Excellent. We want to be healthy dignified people. Gaslighting isn’t loving. It I has to do with a selfish motive. Our inner core is loving. We want to do everything we can to avoid this behavior. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

I have done this to take the control away from the person who was manipulating me. It was NOT easy. I only did it on one issue, and for YEARS. Doing that allowed me to distance myself from them safely and exit the relationship without incident.

I wouldn't want to do anything that resembles narcissistic behavior.

People that can't take what they dish out never cease to amaze (or disappoint) me. It is hard not to want to give them the same level of respect they give you.

Well, I was a bad match for my narcissistic husband of 53 years as I kept pushing back which I guess was a challenge for him but I have adapted most of your safe advice I guess out of self preservation but karma is a B and now that he is quite ill and both physically and mentally challenged it has been an interesting situation and arrival of the karma bus😎and I’m driving that bus BTW

Thank you for clarifying that. I literally feel sick when I can't be honest or be myself. I also have no need for control or power over the other person at all and complicated suggestive questions or manipulations cost me too much energy, become annoying and ultimately I become ill, because the obstructionist literally causes stagnation in my flow. Unfortunately lot of people communicate like that, it shall be part of education and become conditioned. When I try to get in touch with my daughter and I set a boundary, she calls this distrust. So they gaslight me and I stagnate right away.

If you do any of the abuse tactics back to them, that just gives them ammunition to feel truly justified about. Especially when defaming you towards others. It's bad enough when they manufacture that out of thin air or misrepresent or overdramatize events. Giving them something substantial just emboldens them, especially when they then try to gaslight you about being the narc/gaslighter instead.

Stooping to the level of the narcissist by gaslighting them makes a person sick. Why would anybody want to do that? The only reason I think of would be that the victim is still trying to preserve the relationship instead of leaving.

Thank you Dr. Ramani.

Just pre-ordered your book and signed up for your webinar tomorrow! Everything I can do to help me heal and cope is something I'm doing for me (self preservation and self love!) Therapy isn't cheap but I started going twice a month. And watching your videos and Dr. Carter's. Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Can't say it enough 🫶

When I gaslight a gaslighter they denied and projected and called me nutz lol 😂 I learned that after you do they know your on to them and they eventually leave and or try to tear you down

The hardest thing about getting into a 'close personal relationship' with someone with NPD (diagnosed by a clinical psychologist). is not only the realisation they did all these things BUT the mindlessness of what they did. The lying for no apparent point when the truth could have reached the same result. The manipulating for no real apparent gain in the long run. And so on. Initially you have self-disgust you were conned but honestly after awhile you realise what twisted and pointless minds they have

Thank you for this. This is a big topic and I can't wait to hear all you've got to say about it at the workshop.

2 top favorite gaslighting phrases black mold uses 1. That never happened. 2. Everbody saw, heard, knows, etc. . 😂

I told a lifelong friend I am not compatible with narcissism. She reacted she didn't like being judged then tossed me. I couldn't take listening to her gas light what's left of her family and a deluded idea she was shortchanged on an estate.

The religious abuser knows he received slander without question, now he's gone further down the road in his justification. He's made his own trap and he knows it. The only way out is to confess what he did but he won't. None of them will because they are scared to be sued for defamation. They have blindly protected each other in the lie.

With the costs of gas barely affordable, why would I want to waste precious resources for petty reasons?

I believe I have a parent who is a gaslighting narcissist and I lie to them about all kinds of random things that in a normal relationship, would be silly to lie about. Mostly, it's about making them think they have more control than they do, so I can have a part of my day/life where I can enjoy freedom to do normal things they have no clue about. If I need to, I lie about little things so they don't suspect what is really going on. Like if they hear the door open, I tell them I was checking to see how full the laundry basket was, so they don't have to deal with the laundry when maybe I was actually returning from an errand they are clueless about.

Thank you. Dr. Ramani, for your clear, eloquent explanations of these complex topics! 🙏

My comment at the beginning of the video is: Don't gaslight a gaslighter. They've had practice and are better at it, and you WILL lose. Also, they don't believe the TRUE things you say about them. How can you get them to believe lies about them? The only way to beat a narcissist is by going full no-contact

Dr Ramani, come over for xmas if you want. Actually had this conversation today! Exhausting

Thank you Dr Ramani for all your helpful advice 💐

Whenever I've done the intentional sarcastic lie to do a impression of them hoping they notice... I notice my tone match theirs suddenly and then remember this tone of theirs and then it becomes very obvious when they are lying. I remember being on call once with my daughter and I could here my ex in the background talking to one of her care clients saying "No, no took your money, I think you just have a very active imagination", this ladies money was gone and I knew my ex was the type to do this also and this is what she would say to me when I would find anything out that had psychical evidence to go along with it. Even now I get told to go and get help and not run away from it yet when going to places for "help" they tell me I'm dealing with a narcissistic women and don't believe her and yet she has it in her to make out I have the problem. She was part of a cult and her father Elvin Mayo is well known for his actions and now my daughter lives with her and her mothers auntie, the other cult leader. The system is setup to help women so much that they can get away with abuse and another level.

You're the wise Indian auntie I never had. Mine were narc. Thank you Doc!

I dont intend to turn em around. I will stop him and prevent him from taking away my kids. I have zero empathy now towards him. I am being the whole thing TOWARDS HIM. IM EVOLVING. I WILL BECOME THE WHOLE THING. I DONT CARE ABOUT MY SOUL ANYMORE. I JUST CARE ABOUT MY KIDS

This is exactly why I keep to myself.

My Narcissistic Sister has demons and constantly cuts me out of the family

Dr. Ramani, tkank you for all you public work. I like your explanations and suggestions. Se you tomorrow on Zoom.

Yeswe can. I did. And it is working. Unfortunately i have to stop being ME. I have to act and TRANSPLANT A NEW PERSONALITY TO MYSELF. I am transforming myself into becoming a narcissist...but only to him. Coz i still feel so bad after doing to him what he did to me. It breaks my heart. But i have no choice. I will not allow him to take away my kids.

You can make an example of a situation with a gaslighter and walk away. 🙏

Narcissism is someone’s coping mechanism for past trauma. I think i may be a super empath. Even though i have suffered at the hands of someone i believe has NPD, been gaslighted and more, my inner love tells me that i should forgive this person and try to help heal them. That is the part that hurts most. I know i can show this person the love, trust and kindness that they missed, but they are too set in their ways to let me in.

Dr. Ramani good day from Jamaica 🙏🇯🇲. Thank you for your guidance. I have not been in sàme space, with the narcissist Melford Edgar Morris for the past 20 years, however the effects of the evil I encountered for ten years still hurt my blessed nervous system. I read The Bible alot, so I ask God to be my warrior, so I ask him to gaslight him back. Genesis 20. Have a pleasant day ♥️

You matter ❤. Don't let or give the narcissist your mental and physical health. You deserve everything. ❤️❤️

The golden child can gaslight the gaslighter with ease if they are aware of their own position within the dynamic. My brother has taken hold of the family and has been very successful by being complicit and then loading the gun but passing it to other family members to fire,

For a normal person gaslighting is exhausting. For a narcissist, gaslighting is a Tuesday.

I gaslight like hell about my reactive abuse or just abuse in general, I don’t want to make excuses. The narc mentions it, I act confused and as if I’ve done nothing wrong. It irritates the crap out of them. Feels good to return the favor! Before, he used to antagonize and touch me until I responded and then start recording. These days, I’m violent because I hate this person. Then he turns on a camera and I act confused about why he’s recording and deny everything that happened before the camera started rolling. He gets livid about this. I’ve asked him to leave my home several times btw. I know this isn’t healthy.

Dr. Ramani I don't think you will read this comment, but I am going to try to thank you anyway. 2 days ago I left the narcissist. Got most of my stuff out, had a quick conversation and left. I was with him for 20 years. Had it not been for your videos I would have never realized, learned about my situation and made a plan to get out. I am not gonna lie, I am terrified. I feel anxious and lost. 20 years of a life established gone in 2 days. I don't know what the future holds but I truly know that it will be better without him. Change is painful and disorienting and don't quite know how I feel right now or frankly who I am. But I know that I will try to be patient and kind to myself. It's very easy for me to feel guilty and overwhelmed about everything and I am dealing as best I can. But thanks to your knowledge and your willingness to share it I am finally out of a relationship that had no future and was filled with constant lies, chaos and anxiety. Thank you sincerely ❤

i absolutely have no interest in gaslighting anyone lol, and it sounds like i'm on the right track, so i'll just say that i love that turtleneck sweater!!!! so fuzzy and fluffy!! I've got a housecoat and a hoodie of that same fuzziness, and it's just delightful to wear always.

Narcisist can be such perfectionists that you can simply make them question past present and future tense USAGE of the term "gaslight", it throws them for such a loop, they as individuals or a group leave you alone for a few days to try and figure it out enough to continue hoovering.

Occasional recreational judicious use of gas lighting to surprise the manipulator

I think all of us who have been through the abuse do think about doing this at some point.

It's exhausting enough to deal with narcissist individuals. Plus it's just not in my nature to do something that I know doesn't set well with me. I'll pass on stopping to their level. Thank you, Dr Ramani for the videos you've been a blessing in helping me maintain my santinty.

Isn't it sick that those of us who really want to be fair are the very ones who attract these people?

Thanks for this. I wouldn't do it back but it stops me having to wish i could. Channel helps so much, really does.

I was immediately like "No, because you're better than that, and also because they will feel like you're starting a power struggle, and they will fight."

You are beyond a life saver Dr. Ramani. Many times I wanted to gaslight the person but it ended up exhausting me. After listening to you I understand why

One of my fav videos from Dr R in a while (and i watch almost all of her contest, she the GOAT)

Excellent advice Dr. Ramani. I missed the workshop!

I have at times wanted to tell my narcissist mom she has dementia when she rages at me. I can't do it though, because I know it would be a lie and also cruel. She has plenty of actual problematic behaviors I could call her out about without making up something. However, I've learned the hard way there is no point in confronting her about her actual bad acts unless I want a big taste of DARVO. The only way to handle people like this is walk away if you can.

The family had to disconnect from an in law. They are using our son to try and connect again. It never ends. The need for control ( power) is constant. EXHAUSTING! Gaslighting is pure evil.

These videos are so helpful and it is so helpful knowing that being on the receiving end of this stuff is not just me. The problem with gaslighting the Gaslighter is you have to become a lesser person to engage in it and that is a price not worth paying.

If I end up taking this specialty in medical school you will literally be the reason I pick it. Thank you so much for your wisdom. You saved my life from chronic illness. You made me aware of things my body knew but my mind and heart could not accept. I went into university to study engineering and I am definitely going to finish what I started and use those skills to my advantage (programming is fun! 😁) but life may have different plans for me in my older years and your guidance definitely helped shift my focus about what’s truly important. I have a new obsession with biology that has changed everything about how I see the world. Again thank you for everything Dr. Ramani! I say this with the utmost sincerity, truly may God bless you 🙏🏼

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Can you please make a video on how to handle a boss who gaslights and is narcissistic? It would be very helpful. Thanks again. ❤

I appreciate how you chose to say that even people who do not have an abusers mindset can also gaslight. Although I do have to say, I get you do work with NPD, really I wish we, as a society as well, just call them what they are..ABUSERS who chose to abuse over and over and over again. and of course they project and turn it around on the empathetic people..that is all part of their psychological/emotional/verbally twisted mind games. Half the time, an abuser like my mother, doesn't even know what it means..just as my father and brother.

I had a beauty of a gas lighting experience on Tuesday. I had been working for my daughter up until the 21st when she fired me. The reasons could be several but it's typical of her to be even more hostile around the holidays. But she called me on this past Tuesday to get me to help her with her two small children while she ran some errands. Because I know that she is horrible and a danger to the kids, I put my sense of justice and my pride aside and went to help her. I stayed for 7 hours. After she did her errands, she decided that she wanted to go shopping so she dropped my grandson and I off at the playground at the mall. She gave me directions as to where it was in the mall and some cash for admittance. She did not discuss where we would meet back up. I assumed that it would be in the same place that I was dropped off. At 3pm, I texted her and said that my grandson was tired and when can she pick us up. She said in about 5 minutes. I said good and where shall we meet - downstairs? At that point, I started to get my grandson ready and in the stroller to trek back through the mall to the parking garage. In the meantime at 3:08, she texted and I quote, "I can meet you on the upper level." But I didn't get it until I was already on the ground level. Eventually she did come down to get us. We all got in the van and got on the freeway and that is when she started her toxic, evil crap. She started in grinding me as to why I didn't meet her at the upper level after we had discussed it when she dropped us off. She wanted to know where the failing in our communication was at, was it that I forgot, or was it that I deliberately didn't follow instructions? She kept on about it as if it was a huge event like I wrecked her car. I told her that she never mentioned where we would meet and she claimed that we did and around and around we went. So when I got home, I went back through the text messages and saw the text at 3:08, where she said that she "can" meet us up top. So I texted her: "If you already had it as your reality that you told me that you were picking me on the upper level, why did you text..." I never received a reply. I thought is was scary evil to invent a scenario and then accuse me of something that I didn't do just so that Miss toxic can blame me and grind me and cast me in a bad light of being either irresponsible, forgetful, or disagreeable. My daughter frightens me and I'm terrified for the welfare of my grandchildren.

4:24 The "You are gaslighting me" is the ultimate gaslight sentence.

Dr Ramani After I left the state of my narcissistic abuser 3 years ago, I unfortunately had to move back march 2023 better healthcare. I ran into him and told him thank you for abusing me, because had you not , I would’ve never become the strong confident empowered woman who loves and respects herself, so he would believe all his behaviors did the opposite of what he’d planned. He has not tried hovering.

I have experienced that when the gaslightor wrongly accuses me for something, and I then stand up for myself, that the gaslightor also accuses me for turning things around, being defensive. How complicated can it be!

I once accidentally gaslit my narc I was positive he lost my car keys because during his random tantrums he would take my keys to try to scare me. I told him “you’re the one who takes them and now you have to go get a copy from the dealership “ a day later I was mortified when I found my keys in one of my coat pockets! I immediately felt guilty and apologised… it just does not come naturally to me to lie and make others feel like they’re crazy. And to be honest I was so disgusted by his behaviour that I don’t ever want to become anything close to that. I was surprised he did question himself, probably because he sensed I genuinely thought he lost them.

Just experienced this gas lighting technique by a youth at work: Issue: young woman at work kept talking in a super rude condescending way to me like I was an idiot.... Me: I would really appreciate if you could stop talking down to me in a condescending manner. Her: you make it sound like I'm out to get you!

Brilliant

This is Diane Leclair from Vancouver BC Canada I want to order your new book because the course comes free with it .I hope to get more people interested in gaslighting then they are in the idea of narcissism I suppose it's because they don't understand the difference between basic healthy self-interest as opposed to these NPD people who love to control and make us think that we are crazy when all along they themselves are the crazy making manipulators of their evil projections on to us

Should I ghost a ghoster? Yes Recently I spit out all the poison to the actual toxic narcissist person in my life, and she admitted the facts and "apologized", but also said the usual bullshit narcissists say" If my words hurted you , I'm sorry, I am responsible for what I say but not for how you feel about what I say", and after that started spitting venom on me for all the things I did bad to her (in her twisted mind). So after this talk I realized how selfish and ego centered this person was and all the affection and love which was left for her went to 100 to 3. Now I'm finally ready to move on and forget such a toxic narcissist fake person and remove her from my life

I don't know what I'd do without you ❤

Thank you 😍

Your right! I feel like gaslighting is so painful even my own councellour does gaslighting on me! i have been aware it ever since i been watching your channel for over 2 years

I unfortunately know my limitations, and i cant lower myself to the narcs level......

In Thanksgiving: ( USA 🇺🇸) : btw: Doctor Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D.: ( awareness- mental health- information ℹ️ fabulous) : thank you 🙏: again: thank you 🙏

You helped save my life. It's still difficult gray rocking, disengaging, and starting over. Thank you.

Again. Have a wonderfull day!!!

Best is to totally ignore them..as they don’t exist! I never seated to his GL. I recognize it, and let it go

I’m incapable of gaslighting anyone, let alone someone that’s been gaslighting me. When I’m confronted with something, panic physically overwhelms me because confrontation terrifies me. I can’t speak when this happens so I have to wait until the event is over and I’ve had a chance to recover from it. From there my overly thoughtful, hyper empathetic nature takes over and I take the blame regardless of whether I did something wrong or not. If I did, after introspecting for hours, I’ll sincerely apologize and try to make things right. If I didn’t but I’m scared of the abuse I’ll suffer if I try to confront my accuser/abuser I, very uncomfortably, insincerely apologize as convincingly as I can.

I agree. Two negatives don’t make a positive. Once one realizes what is going on, smartly shift away from them. It doesn’t matter if they miss you or not. You matter ❤

From my last gaslighter event. I will never makes plans for him to do with my kids, unless is something he has plan to do exclusive with them, as his own plans. Never rely on them

Pretty much would like to just make them uncomfortable enough to leave me alone. They are as stubborn as gum on your shoe. I feel as if I were pray in a cage they plan to have for dinner. And of course they are always taking pieces of whomever is in their sites; and that would be me. So don’t want to be that long term gaslighter, but gee if a little imitation would deter them. How does one wiggle away from these toxic folks?

I've totally done it!