Yup unfortuantly many people fail to understand this. Many believe if the relationship isnt perfect from the firsr date that its not worth it. Of course you need to consider compatability to an extent to have a atrong foundation but being compatable is not the same as being the "perfect" partner at the start.
Sadly core values and beliefs constantly change because people are impressionable. So it could be society, close friends, parents, social media or all of the above that tell them they deserve EVEN MORE or if they're unhappy for a single week it must be thier partner. They often times believe this because it resonates with the fact that "we all want what we dont have" those feelings can pop up during a long or longer relationship and since these things are everywhere people take others for granted and split up. Ironically statistically 50% of ex's end up getting back together but the relationship is now tainted or a bit unnatural or they've changed too much based on the time they spent apart.
@@xMckingwill ye my point is that because of these outlets people think because they recieve advice they dont need to communicate or wont until it's too late. Some wont even at all so long as it agrees with what they've been feeling. At the end of the day though we both agree communication with your partner FIRST is the solution.
Your content should be played in junior high + high school + college. This stuff needs to be engrained early so that people can develop healthy mindsets when it comes to dating/choosing. This stuff is for people who truly want to be and or seek authentic connection. Thanks for your videos. They’re superb
I think a lot of people are brought up nowadays going way back into the 80s that they are special that they are just fine the way they are the world should have to accept them for the way they are. These people confidence was protected at all costs they went into the real world and it slapped them around in the face you're not entitled to that cheerleader you're not entitled to that handsome dentist who's driving the Mercedes you might have to change some things about your personality and your appearance if you want someone to accept you. Please raise the generation of narcissists to put their feelings above everything else and they feel their entitled to love your entitled to the girls / guy they want and when the delusion comes caving in their psyches are so weak it breaks them and makes them bitter hateful people because they still can't blame themselves for their bad life and they're dating issues call them red pill call them incels their people who can't see their own flaws and expect the most beautiful people on the planet with the most options to pick over all of those options and pick this narcissistic selfish entitled person. It's pure delusion and it's dangerous. I think it's important to tell middle schoolers High School you're entitled to nothing everything you get you will fight for and you will earn. This includes the affection of others and at some point you have to be honest with yourself and understand that everybody wants a Ferrari but there's only so many Ferraris to go around and you just may not be good enough for a Ferrari and you're not allowed to be bitter about it you're not allowed to hate people who can get Ferraris you need to drive your Honda and be happy you're not walking
The show "The Good Place" came to mind when I watched this. There's such a simple moment where two of the characters are talking about soulmates. One the characters says, "If soulmates do exist, they aren't found, they're MADE. People meet, they get a good feeling, and then get to work building a relationship." Thanks, Matt, for another reminder of what's important to focus on.
That's so so true.. we may look at someone who is incredibly good at someone and we think they're *just naturally good at that* forgetting hours and hours of work it took to get there. Same as looking at two people that seem to be made for each other forgetting that it took them decades to get there *working together day and day as a team to build that relationship.*
Agree. I met a man online and he cracked me up with his amazing sense of humor. I was hooked! It took me a while to get over the fact that he was shorter and less handsome than I wanted. But the physical chemistry was amazing and I fell in love hard!! Still praying for a happy ending for us. Pray that it happens!
@@snoozyq9576 If women went for great men all the time why is the divorce rate 50% and why do women initiate 70-80% of them... I'll wait for an answer.
None of the men I was in relationship with during my 20s felt like I was good enough to be “the one” for them. They were always looking for greener pastures. Now I’m in my late 30s and very traumatized with rejection, shame and verbal abuse I don’t even have the emotional strength to get into another relationship. Dating Websites are torture because they don’t offer an organic or gentle process of meeting someone . You are literally a commodity on these sites, constantly under scrutiny and evaluation. I have had enough of that to last lifetimes.
BullS. A lot of men will chase a serious relationship when they're young. I say this because I'm one of them, 22yo, currently in a relationship with a 22yo woman. All the men YOU WANT don't. You get 1000+ matches on dating apps. You get approached by guys every day. You have 12 years from 18 to 29, and somehow, you can't find one single good guy? Boohoo, I feel so sad for you. How about men, who are lucky to get 3 matches in a day, who have to approach and be rejected by women every single day? Men's dating life is on Brutal mode. Women's dating life is on Easy mode, that's why if they still fail, I have no sympathy.
@@ShadowbannedAccount I am around her age, but unlike her, I never even dated. I asked a couple of girls out in my early 20s, but they were not interested, even though they were not the most attractive. The ones who did show interest, I did not have the energy, nor the inclination to be the funny, charming guy they felt entitled to, and I did not like their personalities enough to commit that much of myself to pursue a relationship. I would rather just lose my virginity to an escort than to go through the exhausting ordeal of dating, and trying to meet unrealistic expectations for a mediocre reward. But unlike her, I do not blame women for my lack of experience. That's on me, and her not finding anyone is on her, not men. I do hope that she finds someone, eventually, but I still don't feel sympathy for her. When a man complains about being alone, he is accused of being bitter, entitled and low value. Women should be held to the same standard. When men can't find a partner, they are told to either, improve their attractiveness, lower their standards, or shut up and accept being alone. The same standard should apply to "lonely" women.
@@ShadowbannedAccountyou're still young and unexperienced that's why you don't have symapthy. It will come later in life hopefully, when you learn empathy and compassion for others. You know, just the fact many men like women on tinder and such does not mean it's easier for us, that's just a count. Finding a good, caring, sensitive and empathetic partner has nothing to do with quantity but quality. And as you wrote you have no compassion for us, that's exactly what we have to deal with from toxic masculinity usually. How can you be a good partner if you're devaluing a woman's feelings and reality just bc you never experienced it? You can't. If someone expresses how they feel it's not your task to say they shouldn't feel that way. Just listen and you'll learn.
@@bronx452 The irony, talking about compassion and empathy, while not knowing what men actually want. What men want is a young woman. Why? Because they're still feminine, not contaminated by the world. Their babies are also healthier. Do you have compassion or care for that? No. Instead of appreciating that, you shame us for not wanting old women like you. What if people shame you for not wanting a broke, ugly guy? What if the man is broke and ugly? Do YOU have compassion for that? Have some self-awareness, madam. Once you do, then we can talk about compassion.
As a man I really enjoy watching your videos. Even when they’re oriented towards women it helps me understand how they’re prospective and feelings in dating. I especially liked this video because it really is excellent advice for men as well. I feel like most relationship channels for men are toxic and focus too much on being an alpha male. I love your approach of kindness, compassion, and empathy towards both others and yourself. Keep up the great work :)
As a lesbian I sometimes watch men dating channels. Very interesting to see stuff aimed at the other gender lol. I agree that a lot of those channels are quite toxic.
I struggle so much with this. I married someone because they had great qualities and were a good person. I realized after a few months of living together just how different we were and how many of my needs weren’t being met. We tried to work on things but we just fundamentally were not right together. I now worry that the same thing will happen, so I’m extra diligent when dating and it’s almost like I focus on what I don’t want, and if they have any of those things, they’re out. I’m realizing that everyone has something about them that I don’t like, so finding the things I can live with is the hard part. I keep expecting that when I find the “right” person, those things that bothered me about everyone else won’t bother me.
You’ll never find the right person. Most married couples see themselves as life partners and aren’t in deep romantic love as time goes on. If you enjoy being around the person and they have good qualities, that should be enough.
Sadly it is true. In a marriage sex depletes. I remember being with someone for ten years and we had ZERO sex. I just wasn’t turned on at all. Idk if that is suppose to be normal now. Everyone else says sex just stops after a while which made me sad.
@@kdvwusm I’m not married so I don’t know if it’s true but how can it be true?! I’m sure sex doesn’t stop until you’re like 50 at least! If it stops before that then you’re probably married to the wrong person
@@kdvwusm I was married for 15 years, and we had sex at least every day. So, I can't speak for other couples, but if sex is a priority, then a couple makes time for it.
I enjoy Matt Hussey advice but it doesn't only apply to relationships but life in general. Therefore, yes I am.done with relationships but not improving my life
Matt : You've finally crossed the line. You are now into sheer brilliance. As a fellow Brit, I felt so proud of you, as your words mixed and blended into my Sunday morning. Words to learn. To live by. To injest, and to invest in. And to become a part of our wisdom. Thank you. You grow wiser every day. And, thus, so do we.
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I don't always agree with you, but you are 100% spot on with this one. It is one of the biggest tragedies of modern life, I think, that people are so quick to judge and so quick to dismiss, that their tolerance for that awkward phase which we have to pass through in order to reach love and intimacy with a person is so low.
Matthew your heart centred radical approach now mirrors my own. Investing and being curious takes time; patience and dedication. People have so many challenges and variables; emotions. Its really not as easy as meeting and picking and expecting that person to be right for us. Accepting, growing, discovering is real relationship. Exploring what is going on for that person and being understanding and compassionate - being a safe zone for someone. That is relating - relationship. Thankyou as always.
Attachment styles 101👍. I'm a fearful avoidant. Early childhood neglect and pushed away in adolescence by my parents. Mainly all conditional love was given rather than a pure demonstration of unconditional love. Im a full time Art teacher in a secondary school, and I happen to be introvert, so as you can imagine after a days work I am exhausted and need about 2 hours to myself to recharge. My ex was anxious attachment. And when I wasn't given the space to recharge and felt demanded, controlled to do things even though I was shattered after work I felt trapped and bad as my core wounds if I couldn't fulfill them. I wasn't able to spend as much time with her after work as I wanted, I would get panic attacks because I needed more alone time to recharge as an introvert. She said she needed more time with me even though we lived together. I took her on date days 3 days a week and did get up the evenings after work to chat with her each night. But she needed more time than I could give at that moment in time. I told her I will grow and I am a new teacher so I will be exhausted when I come home from work but in time it might get better. I blame myself for not being there for her more, but I have to also be compassionate with myself and seek a partner who isn't so demanding and is more compassionate and understanding of external work factors also.
This is a very truthful video to its core. I met my girlfriend with some varying differences although our core values intact. We couldn’t be happier, I get to truly be myself and a better version of myself.
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Well said and the world we live in is so bombarded with nonsense that people really feel like they are missing out. Find someone who you have things in common with similar vantage points and make the life you want. It’s not always going to be wrapped in the packaging you like but once you start really seeing the person in front of your instead of just looking at them you may be shockingly surprised. 🙂 what we’re looking for is usually way closer than we think.
My core requirements are kindness, integrity (and follow-through), a generally calm demeanor (not angry) and open communications. As difficult as they are to find, I just can't imagine giving these requirements up.
It’s easy to fall for someone ; sensible to be selective! The right person will be ‘balanced’. It’s fun to date, It’s good to be ‘selective’. Don’t waste your time with anyone that isn’t compatible. Time spent on the wrong person, is time lost for meeting the right person. Single is sensible! ; Until you find someone aligned with your values. ❤️
Thank you Matt. Looking for perfection is impossible if you are not willing to do the work. John Lennon says it so well " There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. '
We really are a generation that looks to have the "perfect" package from the beginning. Our mindsets are not constructed to "build" relationships, careers, etc. It was a great reminder that anyone/anything can be "IT" but only if we are willing to make it so.
Most people are not settling, they are getting exactly what they deserve, but their ego won’t accept it. If you only ever get 5s, it’s probably because only 5s are attracted to you, because you’re a 5. Also, when you get into a relationship, stay off social media. You’re going to just sit around composing your life to the life of people that only show the wins.
That's so so true.. we may look at someone who is incredibly good at someone and we think they're *just naturally good at that* forgetting hours and hours of work it took to get there. Same as looking at two people that seem to be made for each other forgetting that it took them decades to get there *working together day and day as a team to build that relationship.*
I am happy enough with my life as a single woman. Yes it would be nice to have someone to share it with. My fundamentals aren't that unrealistic. All I really want is someone honest, kind, and some kind of physical attraction.
@@josephzsoka874 I get that, the point is to find someone who needs I match as well as them being able to match my needs. I do have alot of good qualities and alot to give to someone who is willing to give in return. I'm allowed to know what I want and ask for those things. I'm also allowed to walk away if my needs aren't being met and I've communicated that. I am happy enough on my own. The right one is going to be the right one for me as I am the right one for them.
I can guarantee you, what you want now is not what you wanted in your 20s. Also, you want men to have physical attraction for you? You're overweight. Not being overweight is like the first qualifier of a woman that a man will have. You automatically get kicked out if you don't meet it.
I find it sad that you think honesty, kindness, and some physical attraction are too much to ask for. That you took the time to stalk my social media enough to know I'm overweight in the first place. I don't think you speak for every man on the planet to deside that because I don't meet your expectations I am somehow delusional for having my own expectations. I know I'm just wasting my time because obviously you are who you are and just want to cause discomfort in other people.
Needing someone to comfort you and settling are two very different things though. When we're young we need the comfort of our parent, friends, lovers, anyone really could work. Settling is just settling. You don't even have to love the person to settle, or at least stay settled with that person after it wanes.
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This video resonated with me a lot and it put words onto something I was missing in my life! The constant feeling of having wrongly settled for someone who isn’t perfect! I especially agree with the whole notion how toxic perfectionism is at filtering people in and out of one’s life. It creates great loneliness in ourselves believing it is our fault when we don’t find someone that is „right“ And yes it’s much more impressive what we build over time all the conflict and repair and understanding each other a little better every time becoming more tolerant and emphatic over time with our partner and our friends! I very much appreciate your new found perspectives @matthewhussey 🙏🏼👌🏼
This gives me peace if I were to never accomplish all the things I want to do or never find that "one true love." Some people just simply do not draw that card in life. Learning to deal with it this way is so much healthier than trying to keep tirelessly searching for that perfect something that may never be found.
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For anyone interested in learning further on this topic - I just read the book How Not To Die Alone. While I don’t agree with all the points / premises of the book, it does offer many valid practical tips that echo Matthew’s points in this video.
So I met this really nice guy like 2 month’s ago. He treats me so well, that I’m somehow scared off. He tells me that he misses me, he takes care of me when I’m not feeling well, cooks for me, already told me that he would love to have a family… I know this is probably how it should be, I’m just not used to be treated like that. How can I make myself just enjoy his company and stop feeling sceptical about it? I mean I’m 33, he is 24, I taught at first this could be an issue, but he seems pretty mature for his age and very very kind…
This happened to me - age gap & all! I’d say the solution is spiritual practice to feel at peace w yourself - I don’t think it has anything to do w him - so you can receive his love.
I am a Christian that believes that the rapture could happen at any time. That gives a unique perspective. I both believe that life as we know it can change drastically in an instant, so I need to be conscious of my priorities and moral impact on others' lives, but also knowledge that death doesn't end everything. That after the second coming those that died will return with Christ and I'll have all the time in the world to see Paris or Rome. I think that's a healthy balance between responsibility to make life count and a patience that it doesn't have to all happen now.
I am 29, few months ago i started one of the most horrorific relationship i ever was in. I suffer psychologic and sexual violence, losed my job and contracted a neumonie from him that almost killed me and also losed my job because his gaslightong.He cheated the whole relationship. I moved on , and i am not traumatazed but i just realised that relationships as they are today does not worth my time. I do not want to have kids so i fell better alone doing all i want.
It's pretty simple- if life with the person is better than the life without him/her, than you should spend your time working on it (and i don't mean if they financially support you, that's not love, that's something else). At the same time if the "boxes" that the person doesn't have checked off piss you off or make you suffer, move on. Most of the people especially after 30 do not change, you will just be wasting time.
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My personal fundamental is hygiene. I CANT be with a man who doesn’t take care of himself. If he doesn’t trim his nails regularly, doesn’t brush his hair, doesn’t smell good, doesn’t wash his clothes, it’s all a HUGE turn off for me 🤮
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"We can't get full on ten different cuisines in the same night..." This really hit home with me. I realize I focus way too much, especially at the end of the day, on what I didn't accomplish. What remains unresolved, imperfect. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Currently working out a solution for this tendency...none of us can do it "all" in a day, in a life. If you can't change the reality, change the perspective.
Why I left the dating apps. Was on for several years with no luck because I find most do not want to invest and/or they are stuck on an ex (not ready to be your partner). Joined Its Just Lunch. Met someone and working on building something with him and him with I. And agree with this video. You have to build - together. I don’t believe it love at first sight. That’s just infatuation. Work on yourself to be ready for this person to build with. Good luck to all
Wow !! Just wow !! I wish there was more of Matthew hussey out there!!! It’s like he reads my mind … I’m gonna be single forever unless I were to find his brain clone 😩
This is so very true. Very, very important message in these days, where there is seemingly an infinite choice of potential partners online. How important it is to stop browsing and try investing in worthy individuals, and build something relevant rather than infinitely chasing non-existent perfection.
So beautifully-put..Grounded, realistic advice, but losing none of the optimism and magic we hope for in love. The analogy drawn between transforming relationships/alchemy was truly inspired. 🙏
Man, you have so much wisdom, I'm happy your videos are going viral so that will bring people to your channel and get this great knowledge. I discovered you in the school of greatness and I'm glad, because this knowledge is improving my relationships in a level I never knew was possible. Thanks man
I am settling on a man due to the lack of opportunities out there currently, turning 42 and having been single for over 12 years, I met a guy who I'm not totally attracted too, but he has what will make me happy. Hopefully I will find him attractive in time, but he makes me happy currently.
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I think it's not only the grass might be greener elsewhere and disqualifying the person you're with by seeking out their flaws but then there are some people who want to move the goal posts to qualify the person they are with to allow them to be with them in a more serious committed relationship if the person improves and does this (whatever that is to fix perceived flaw(s)) and then when they meet that, the goal post is moved further away, never really quite qualifying the person or making the commitment to them and keeping the door partway open so they don't miss the opportunity of someone better coming along.
Matthew! SO many pearls of wisdom in this video. I’m going to listen to this like three more times. By far your most insightful, thoughtful, inspirational video (to me). This should be viewed by anyone considering dipping their toe into the proverbial dating pool and reviewed bi-yearly. Thank you for this, you’re a treasure and I’m so thankful to have found you!
Dear Matthew, I hope you can make another video about handling emotions when your ex finds someone better. You have a video about that when you asked a male audience but that isn't kind of clear so I or we (in the same situation as me) would love to hear about it again.
@@josephzsoka874 that's not true. I refused to do that for years! I've always been sure that I would have an easier time staying single forever than settling, and then... I met the kind of person I wanted in my life, and luckily, this person wanted me too. This would have never happened if I would've accepted whoever man was available before. However, we (women) have to make peace with the idea of staying single for a very long time, maybe even for the rest of our lives because there's no guarantee that we'll meet this special person, but I think once we manage to be ok with this idea, there's no way we'll be ok with settling. Of course we still have to make efforts, continue meeting new people, etc... I'm not saying we should do absolutely nothing and expect him to magically show up at our door, that's also not how healthy relationships develop, but there should only be space in our lives for someone who deserves to be in it, nothing less.
@@Predictable1I met somone so nice and gentle and we have the same values in life and same goals but he lacks humour, he doesn't joke around at all, and for me i am the kind of person that values humour in all my relationship and friendship, i throw jokes all day long and i feel so bad idk if i should stop the relationship bc of this 😢 Any advice on this
I’m having the opposite experience. As a black female, I have so few options online - I live in a city with few other black people and other races either don’t swipe right on me, unmatch me after my introductory message, or don’t see me as a serious match for something long term. I know some may want to mock this in the comments, but this genuinely scares me about my future possibility of meeting someone. If they had less options, they might’ve been willing to get to know me if we met in real life without all those options they can keep swiping through.
I just deleted a comment I made yesterday. Because of the creepy spammers with supposed friends and whatsapp numbers of their therapists who helped them. This is getting really out of hand, dear RU-vid. There`s got to be a better solution than us users having to report these creeps` comments over and over again.
I’m in a situation right now where there’s a couple of girls I’m involved with. Both are really cool, sweet, fun and beautiful. But while one is better “on paper” in terms of being closer in age, having a more stable financial situation and proximity wise, my recent attempts to move things along have been met with frigidity, and therefore I’ve basically given up on any possibility of anything with her. The other girl is younger (bigger age gap), isn’t as financially secure (although she still works quite a bit) and lives further away, but there’s more potential for something to happen with her. That’s the thing: one person may be a better fit in theory, but it comes down to connection and who’s more willing to make something happen with you. It takes two to tango, or build a castle. 😉
I've lived my life with the cerebral approach to dating. I only picked men based on their personality and it did nothing for me. Sexual attraction is important and so our perferences need to allow that to be the core driving force since coupling is for mating. He has to inspire me with a desire to breed. Pure and simple and of course he has to allow me to feel safe with him this is essential. I don't see any reason to deny myself of either of these standards. So I let myself get intrigued by a man's looks and then engage with him to see if the attraction can be sustained by a feeling of safety. Then I just go with the flow. I'll eventually settle into a flow with someone but I don't see any reason to compromise on my needs just on my expectations.
Dating Apps and people's abuse of them, have ruined modern dating. People are addicted to dating apps. They stay on dating apps for months and years. Some never get off. It is men who need your video more. Women are the ones who want stability, security. One man, one commitment. They treat dating apps like they are a kid in a candy store. Different day, different person. I absolutely hate dating apps. I have resorted to using them past 10 tears off and on. Everything you say is what I have experienced over and over. I have been on receiving end of starting communication and then person stops and is onto the next. Frustrating. I did meet an Eastern Indian man in CA where we live. We are at a 7 hour distance. He is busy with a major career. But we are very excited about each other..I am Caucasian, we both are traditional. He is younger, tall, good looking, nice, cares about me. He is not artificial.
I so want to send this to the girl I talked to for a month before she decided that we should stop talking due to my oversharing of my intimate past. This absurd thing killed our connection and 2 people who were passionate about each other had to end their great bond. This was my first falling in love, I was obsessed with her even though I never got to meet her in person, and when I told her that afterwards when I tried to fix things, she said it was mutual, but I know that we both needed to work on it so that we can build a relationship, and it was no longer the same, so we had to drop it. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still moving on from a person I never met...
I broke up with this playboy who cheated on me all the times and lies..so I got away from him for I don't deserve this disrespect, he did to me,I cut off everything to him and I will go online dating soon to forget him.
I feel like I end up settling because i get love bombed. I cant seem to see past the manipulation tactics and the insincerity until Ive committed too much of myself already. :( now I am 35 and I worry about being able to start a family - I feel like its so unfair that women have a time schedule to commit to when it comes to who they will start a family with, and I think that men are aware of this and use this.
Amazing to me how so many people have the same exact question right now. I appreciate the video, I definitely needed this. He fills all the boxes I couldn’t find before but I had before that he does not have and that’s the difficult part. To tell if it’s better without having certain things
You've nailed this. The depth of wisdom and intention behind this entire video is something every human in search of true relationship could benefit from. I've always loved your content and approach to communication and I feel this is an elevated discussion, a maturing of what fulfillment means, especially considering where we find find ourselves today in the dating realm. Well done for sharing this with so much clarity. Deep appreciation. 🙏
This is such a nice video. Usually we see people waiting for the one but this motivates us to create the one as there could be many possible the ones.. whatever you put your heart and soul into becomes the one!!!
I am usually the one trying to understand and learn but most people will just leave as soon as one argument occurs. Most people won’t listen to you and try to learn. It is because of options sadly. Idk
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I was emotionally unhealthy at the beginning of my relationship and unfortunately it caused me to be kind of unpredictable and hurtful. I feel terrible, but I have gotten better. My only issue now is that I sometimes try and say how I feel by saying “you shouldn’t do this” or “it hurts me to see people being affectionate to their girlfriends”, or “this isn’t normal” rather than actually saying how I feel. Other times I say my feelings correctly. He’s been distant and unwilling to take care of things that are important to me and that only makes me complain, but I’m wondering if I had been easier to love if we would even have that problem. I’m not sure if I would prioritize or love me if I was in his shoes either.
This just happened to me. He wanted to go out with me again, but immediately updated his photo on a dating site and said he would ‘keep me in the loop’ on what happened. When I said that made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to know how his search was going, he ghosted me.
I agree with everything that you’re saying Matthew, however, the dilemma that I’m facing is that I’ve known the feeling of feeling attracted to someone and it didn’t happen overnight…it happened because I physically saw them and their habits, their compassion, how he treated people, and best of all his energy and that was thing that tied it all together. That’s when I found myself in it, now how do I sense that via online dating apps?
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You said it yourself - you saw them physically. Choose some ppl online that you find reasonably attractive & seem to have what Matt calls the universal & personal fundamentals, then get out there & meet them & it stops being an online experience very quickly. Online dating is a way of meeting ppl, not dating them 😅
Some relationships are really bad and people find it hard to leave.....time is wasted and the inner battle of going back and forth debating with ourselves is really tiring🥴 and consuming.....why can't we just say 'I'm out'
When you feel you are settling with someone, be aware he has to do it too because every person has flaws. Some woman a just lazy and put zero effort into finding and maintainig a relatioship. It takes work and effort and it is rewarding. The most beautiful and satisfying things in life take effort und patience (children, friends etc)
It hits many valid points, one that we aren't truly present in what we are doing/experiencing most of the times because we are thinking of more or other... In relationships it takes two to tango and it is important to know that we can enjoy the dance even if we miss a step or two, as long as we hear the same music 😊 Thank you for being you 🤗💜
Compassion to make space for each other's flaws, yeah, good one. I don't need to be taught all the time or shown a lesson and make it all harder that it already is.
I met somone so nice and gentle and we have the same values in life and same goals but he lacks humour, he doesn't joke around at all, and for me i am the kind of person that values humour in all my relationship and friendship, i throw jokes all day long and i feel so bad idk if i should stop the relationship bc of this 😢
Matthew, that was amazing. You hit the nail right on the head and made the whole "settling" issue so clear. Game changer for me as I look to start a new relationship. 🙌🏻
I have honestly given up in dating. I try to be open to meeting people but no matter how hard I try, I come off as closed off. I've been pushed aside, lied to, raped, and always been just a one time thing to guys. I'm at the point where being alone is more appealing. I hate to be that person that always says, "all men are the same" and "all men are terrible" but that tends to be the case for me. Or I'm just not what good guys want. Either way, I've decided to stop wasting my time being concerned by it. It's something I've had to let go. Being alone is okay too. Not preffered, but in my case, better
the concept of "settle" for women today, in the world of online dating, and swipe right on "Chad" or die isn't what it's been for the remainder of human history... women today have become extremely fickle and the "Average" guy literally has no chance.. it's broken.
Most people aren't even trying. The first tiniest obstacle and they are out, while some just half-assing dating because they think they have hundreds of other options so why bother? It's awful, much more than 20-30 years ago when we didn't have so many "options". I dated guys who literally blocked me the first time I said something they didn't like or guys who really tried not to invest ANYTHING, like I had to drag them on dates, to ask them to go out "pretty please", to try to make them feel nice on dates etc. It's exhausting, at this point, I just give up!
"Till death do us part" is a lot longer than you think. No, no relationship is perfect. But if you you have asked yourself if this is THE one, I'm guessing they are not. I'm not saying there isn't more than one person for everyone... I'm saying if you are even questioning if you are settling in your relationship, you are not ready for "to death do us part".
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I had a x boy friend told me earlier on to NEVER SETTLE ! I settled less for him and he knew how special,he had regrets ! So I have held true to Never to settle ! The Devine will show me !
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I’m together with a girl since one year. But I never really had the love feeling in my heart. My heart was broken at the time. As a result I’m constantly doubting. She’s treating me like a prince. Better then any other girl has. Yet I notice that I’m not treating her as my queen because I lack the feeling in my heart. Don’t get me wrong I’m treating her good but not as good as I should. Should I go on and maybe it grows? Or should I end it and go find someone with my heart? Please give me some advice people ❤
I just feel so lost about this sometimes. I see people and have met people who are so crazy about their partner, even after years of being together. I’ve dated guys who were so sure about me, and who said they wanted to marry me. But I’ve never felt that way about someone. Sometimes I question if I’m just incapable of feeling that depth of emotion. Like I’m broken. One of my best friends is 35 and she says that she always thought she’d be married with kids by now. She was with a man for 4 years in her 20’s who she thought for sure she was going to marry, but he started playing video games all the time and prioritizing that and they grew apart. You never know what’ll happen. That’s what makes love so scary. And confusing. I’ve been dating a man for two months and again, he’s so sure about me, he asked me to just go off and marry him after a week. But I keep going back and forth about how I feel. I really like him and we have so much fun together, he’s so good looking, sweet, attentive, communicative, spontaneous… so many good things… but I wonder why I don’t feel that intensity about him. That sure-ness. If other people feel that, shouldn’t I?
I understand all that is being said, but at the same time I'm kinda wondering where attraction takes place in this. I have met many guys who I thought were very nice and who probably would have made good boyfriends for me, and I dated based on those thoughts before, but I couldn't for the life of me be attracted to them even after trying, and I did try my hardest to have those feelings. So now I'm 27 and felt attraction maybe once in my adult life, wondering if it's me or if this is normal and people in relationships just went for someone they thought was nice enough and a good fit for a relationship.
I love how you talk about modern relationships in a very realistic and honest way. You have always inspired me to sort of step away from what everyone else is doing these days and really think for myself and value myself as a person as such. Are there any other books you could recommend that have helped you deal with things as they are these days? Mostly basing around the idea of relationships/love/life as it is today? if that makes any sense. Thank you Matthew!!
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