0:36 - State Of Confusing 2:25 - You Start Investigation 3:53 - Coercion 8:39 - If... You are in a toxic relationship. 13:45 - How To Deal With It 19:08 - Everyone Is Traumatizing 25:23 - Trauma Is Everywhere. AND IT'S OKAY 30:10 - What Are We Doing Here? You don't really need to know 36:14 - We Are Built For Connection 42:08 - Final Point Q&A Section 47:11 - When You Have Been Hurt That Much, How Do You Heal From It Internally? 50:30 - The Reptilian Brain Will Keep You Traumatized
Do you even know what alchemy really is ? Who the Rosicrucians were ? I know your atheist and you have no connection to source. Source is the one true god. Not the JESUIT multigod system that permiated egypt and corrupted the pharaohs and then moved to Israel..
velveteyes79, Thank you for illustrating the rigidity of organized religion and it’s fanatics. Your sad belief system is not part of other peoples’ lives, i.e. Jains, Hindus, Jews, etc., etc. You want to be respected, you need to respect others.
In my 71 years, it has come to me that covert coercion is the most common and insidious method. Media uses i. Politicians use it, Religion uses it. Authority figures use it. Lovers use it. Parents and children use it. And it is so easy, when you are sensitive and intuitive, to fall for it. But intuition, I believe, eventually wakes us up.
I spent my childhood in the library psychology section during the seventies, trying to work out what the hell was going on with the people around me. I had to wait for the internet to come into existence before I finally got some answers.
@@LauraPerez-kr8bn I read that book about 10 years ago. It explained so much and validated what I had experienced but had not been able to make sense of.
@@RICHARDGRANNON I'm over 60 and all relationships were same...finally, finally know why. Long and winding road (Rascal Flatts...sorry, broken road) to get me here, but I trust the plan. God Bless!
Candace DeLong, FBI Psychological Profiler, once stated, "People who are trying to abuse you know exactly how to use the subtle technique that flies under the radar." "They use that subtle verbal technique purposely for you to question yourself and your judgment." "The abuser still needs to appear socially appropriate."
@@jengable4888 I am so glad that you liked my quote from Candace DeLong. When I first heard her make that statement, it rang so true and opened my eyes to what I had been suppressing throughout my life. Keep this statement in mind going forward, and you will be better off. Have a great day!
Richard, I’ve been watching you since 2016 and was in an abusive relationship with a psycho and now I’m with a wonderful man, like you. I remember I’d watch your videos back then and wish I could be blessed with a man like you. Someone kind and understanding and who has experience with abusive partners and has grown from it and of course a handsome and happy man (like you) and I got him! You have been a huge part of my self healing and recovery and I’m so grateful for you and your channel. Thank you.
❤🌹❤🙏😊🌹 the same storry here... After 4 years of abuse and 4 years alonn in terapy and watching Richard, I one day just mainifestetet my loving man from the Votex 🙏🌹❤😊 thank you.
I really wish I could. I am an empath stuck in quarantine with a Narcissist... I have started playing the narcissist game against him. He is oblivious. Timing is everything. I hate doing it cuz it takes alot from me being manipulative but it is the only way I can feel no guilt when it's all said and done so he wont be able to guilt me back. Example... he cosigned for another camper as the one we are in needs alot of work. His guilt tripping me to be back with me last time was he was homeless... so... I got a new camper, will fix other one, and then tell him to bugger off and leave him with one of the campers. He is no longer homeless. After that, i am moving to Arizona and changing my numbers. I have been in this toxic relationship for 6 years with 2 years of couples therapy and the same stupid conversations over and over. I recognize "shut up gifts" for what they are. He has lied to me since day one, to the point his own father had to tell me that it was HIS life story was what my "bf" was telling me was his. Even his dad and step mom saw what I was going through and told me to get away from him. I will no doubt cuz I have literally shut down emotions from him (upside to empath along with reflecting those negative emotions back at him). I have become an empathic sniper.. lol. But I still seek my soulmate. I KNOW he is out there... I just miss him soooooo much. I have dreamed of him and to feel the love of another empath like me... nothing compares. Really wish he would find me, like he promised me he would when I was 13. I am going to turn 45 in June.
I just want to send cyber hugs to anyone here who has endured a really long and difficult relationship where they feel bound by contracts/children or financial dependency with a toxic partner. I am so relieved and happy I realised when I did and walked away. (Ran then hitchiked through the snow actually. ) This going over this chapter has finished for me. Thanks for all the videos Richard.
Thanks. I had someone hint at the fact that when they dont get what they want from the relationship they dont care where the relationship goes. I got discarded.
The confusion. Right from day one. 4 years of confusion which left me a shell of a person. Unable to make any decisions because I had zero trust in myself and my decision-making abilities. I was literally googling how do I know if I should leave my relationship! I actually found a book called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay lol! It should have been about 2 pages long, and just say 'if you've bought this book you should just get out!' Those were nutty, hellish times and I am loving my very easy life now. I know you say we are meant to have intimacy and love and connection but frankly I'm so terrified of ever getting myself back in any kind of situation where I start losing myself, I'm way too content and at peace now to mess with it!
@thefalsecritic Its a great question, Imma do a video called "why its a waste of time to study psychology" and really piss the British Psych Society off! :D
Please Do that Video!! I have always somewhat regretted my time spent on psych degree, just glad I stopped at bachelor's. Lol. LOVE come to Jesus meetings especially with public school administrators!! Been doing those lots lately on behalf of keeping ALL these behaviors from continuing at the expense of High School kiddos. Still scary to do but wouldn't have even been able to start to go against them previously. ☺️
:(( my poor baby has seen so much. I officially finally split from her dad and I'm trying to heal from codependency. I cannot believe I allowed her to witness so much crap
@@kaylawilkins5731 better not leave her for grandparents like my mother did after divorce. Now shes desperate for my company but im simply not interested
My ex-narc always accused me of being a detective and also a lawyer because I was always defending myself and my grandson from his abuse. He even had the gall to ask me why I could have a 45 minute conversation with one of his friends without arguing. I told him it was an adult conversation and it was very refreshing to do so. Lol! When I would try to talk to the ex-narc, it was like talking to a 7 year old who has tantrums.
You are so right. Some people you cannot speak to without it turning into an argument. It leaves you confused and you think, how did we get to this subject when it didn't start that way? How did it turn to crap basically? and then your head starts to hurt and you feel ill.
You noticed that too?? Mine tells me all the time to stop talking to him like he is a child, I tell him to stop acting like one. I have 5 kids and 2 grandkids I dont need another child.
Yes they act like bloody children. I'm so glad you are out of it. My narcissist are constantly interfering with new apts and jobs I get! Like fuck,he should grow the fuck up! A healthy person doesn't frickin have to constantly undermine a woman,only a pathetic insecure vindictive person does that. I'm so glad you are safe. Maybe it'll happen for me one day....
Your investment in caring about humanity has exceeded what others couldn't hold a candle to. You are multi-talented. Your videos are so much more important than you may realize. I'm not saying this to patronize you. There are tons of people who are on RU-vid, but you have mastered many modes of discipline. The genius in your teachings is that you are able to include ultruistic, ancient & modern methods and cut to the chase. Well done Richard. How can any words express how thankful or grateful I and surely many others are, that you are in the world. 💙💙💙 It would be great to hear you extrapolate on the concept of impermanence and continuous becoming. When I first started meditating, I listened to Buddhist videos. It helped me to understand that change is the natural order of living. Clinging causes suffering. I am not religious or ascribe to any system, but the wisdom in the 4 noble truths and 8 fold path, was enlightening. ✌🌷
"STOP being a Beggar!!.... ENOUGH of Begging for love, begging for kindness, begging for attention, begging for companionship, begging for support. " "STOP being a DOG!!.... dogs get sooo emotionally bonded with his human. Goes crazy when he's around. Will do anything for the human. Soo attached. Gets soo dependent on the human. Get so sad, restless, and anticipative when the human leaves house. Becomes obedient. Wants to please the human. By default the human leaves him many times. He is a human. Occasionally puts him in a chain or a Cage! The accepts . He said a dog . " "INSTEAD of being a beggar, be the one to give. Cultivate all those good qualities IN you... so that one day, instead of begging for those things, YOU can be the one to give away kindness , care, attention, a listening ear to OTHERS. There are 7 billion people on this planet and even more living beings. Why waste your life staying bonded to a handful of people. Let go. MOVE ON. Come out of the box" Richard I quoted from a Buddhist Monk. These were the parting advice on the final day recap of a long self help advice series on virtue, happiness, peace, investigative reflection, knowledge of the way of the world, release and liberation.
That's a great idea. Instead of a regular dating site you have to befriend ppl of your own gender. Then those ppl rate you. Often N and Ps can't pull the wool over their own gender as well.
I love this idea.. and it makes me giggle because covert narcs would damn RUIN it. They fancy themselves the queens and kings of the empaths. They feel SOOOO much and they are SOOOOOO feeling all the feels and no one else ever understands just how much they FEEL. I have compassion for them tho - it's easy to confuse an inner storm of tormenting self absorbed shame & angst - for empathy. ;)
@@christinesbetterknitting4533 Thankyou and here's some quotes from him :) The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people. The reason angels can fly is because they take themselves lightly. An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it. The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly. I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder. The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."
My ultimate goal is to grow- this is where I always end up when I end any relationship- I'm accused of not valuing the relationship- untrue- I value it - I'm just changing at a rate and a way the other person isn't happy with. Do I stagnate to keep someone else happy? No- my life my journey 👍
That moment in 'V for Vendetta' when she's in prison (with shaved head) and has that breakthrough and stops being afraid....that's a good leveling up :)
That's one of my favourite movies! I've both a background in martial arts and too much experience dealing with narcissistic abuse and trauma - from parents to then (due to narc parenting destroying my self-esteem, sense of boundaries, assertiveness) being a "people-pleaser" and attracting narcissists as so-called "friends", so can relate to the breakthrough moment although it took years of dedicated effort by myself to work on the issues referred to (self-esteem etc.) and stop being an attractive target for narcissists. It did take years as mentioned and I think in part the time to heal was related to the fact that this was when the internet wasn't widely available, and nor was there all the helpful information about narcissism and techniques to identity and deal with narcissistic people that's available nowadays. One thing I wish looking back is that I'd had access to the information available now back then! It would've saved me so much time, energy, and suffering due to prolonged contact with and abuse by narcissists. Whilst I'm definitely very glad I put in that work, and no longer am attractive to narcissists - who will sense those that are good 'supply' for them - I am somewhat envious (albeit not in a negative manner, if you understand my meaning!) of both teenagers and adults today who have the plethora of information about narcissism and toxic relationships available to them, much of it online and also available in books, both hardcopy, e-books and/or audio books. They've often no idea how fortunate they are in this respect!
"That's a trapped human being man". THANKYOU! When someone has codependency because of generational, emotional, mental, conditioning etc, they will grow resentful of being around a covertly coercive person because of their inability to say no and serve out of unjust guilt and obligation. So of course a few years down the line, they will become bitter, nasty, manipulative because they feel trapped not only by the covert pressure from their partner(who could be a narcissist), but also by their own codependency. Thank you for clarifying that. People are SO QUICK to label someone a narcissist, crazy, unstable, just because they didn't receive consensual gratification from their partner. People have emotions, just because they display anger and rage doesn't mean they are a full blown narcissist. They might've just been trained to never say no.
Thank you for confirming the "gut instinct " is something to be heeded. I thought I was being covertly coerced, turns out that is the modus operandi of my narcissist. I have learned over time that those "unspoken expectations " were nothing more than me being gaslit to carry out his agenda. I have also learned that NO is a very empowering word. Thx again for the wisdom--
I wish my child was that smart - to realize she is being coerced in the most disgustingly subtle way to do everything on her useless covert narcissistic husband's agenda. It is mind blowing how he is abusing her and then after she gives him the silent treatment he sucks her back with all she wants to see - just for a day or two and then continues with the abuse...
Richard, I hung on every second of that 55 minute video. Mind blown. I have just said STOP after 6 years of suffering in my relationship. Now to focus on re-sealing my heart. I AM MINE.
I honestly appreciate the new path you are taking in your work by not over focusing on the narcissist but to empower people to deal with their own wounds and close the entry points to toxic behaviors and relationships. I truly believe this is essential for our healing path. It’s really great to see this side of you 💜
Thats exactly it, youre confused and look look and look and finally you end up finding narcissism. It took me 2 years until I found a psychology student who directed me to it and BINGO!
As a survivor of childhood incest aaaaaand more recently narc abuse, your rumination on how WE have to be our own prophets and say “stop”, stop these ways of being w one another landed kind of like a little miracle in my heart. Thanks for this, Richard.🙏🏻
I felt confused, couldnt make a decision, crying most days, always questioning . he was talking to women telling them he was single. Saw a naked pic of his ex. He blew up in rage when i confronted him about it. I had anxiety, stress n depression. He accused me if going to meet other men. I couldnt talk on the phone. He would be right there wanting to know who it was. I couldnt tell him no.
He didn't trust you - not because of anything you were or weren't doing but because of what he was doing. I learnt this the hard way too. My ex-husband did exactly the same. It was so confusing, I couldn't figure out where he'd plucked these ridiculous notions from? Well, it came from his own behaviour; he was cheating, used online dating, etc., and to avoid blame (which narcissists do), he transferred all his wrong doings onto me, the faithful, loving wife who regularly bent over backwards to TRY keep him happy. Now, I work on loving myself and keeping me happy. Wishing you luck on your life journey 🌻🌄
@@cmmontrose1469 I am in the same situation. But not financially able to leave yet. I have been going with the flow for 20 years and putting up with all his abuse. He made it look so normal. Like all men behave this way in America. A guy thing he said. As a foreigner I didn't understand his game. Thanks Richard for enlightening me.
Richard! That’s it! Absolutely it - the state of confusion is a reflection of the toxic relationship! I would spend so much time replaying the interactions trying so hard to “figure” out what was going on. Bless you. It makes it all so clear now. 💡
I’m so grateful for your advice. I am getting a lot from it, including an elevated sense of inner peace. Baby steps but I’m glad to have this support. All the best to you.
I've watched this about 4 times now. This is really everything a codependent or anyone looking outside themselves for completion needs to know. It truly is, excellent analogies and all, such a clear, throrough, kind, thoughtful and funny message. Stop, shut up, by yourself, for yourself...Thank you again for getting through the concrete that is my skull.
I felt like alice falling down the rabbit hole literally! But once i realise that the head doctors diagnosis of his bpd which i though was allbullshit at the time ,then it was walk and dont look bk and look at my own shit and why i got sick and i unravelled.
This was absolutely wild. I cannot believe you know about the “but what about you” argument so many times I tried so hard to say what you just said about our relationship. Wow.
I’ve talked to a couple of friends and a counsellor and I’ve been told I’m being hypersensitive and that’s just how men behave. Have we become so insensitive, socialised and adapted we can no longer trust our instincts? Bad behaviour makes us feel uncomfortable. I look at the other relationships in my life, my friends don’t try to control me? Why do the men I date, question me or try to control me? And other people tell me that’s acceptable.
I just stumbled on this... as I normally don't get time for 1 hour long RU-vids --- but you know, we're still in lockdown in Melbourne, Australia. You really speak my language, all of the time, but especially going down this deeply esoteric and spiritual information. Yup, when the devil can't reach you he sends a narcissist 🤣 So yeah, Anunnaki don't want any of us leaving this world, so they do all they can to cause drama, chaos, injury, wounding and suffering to bring us back into our skin.
Took that conversation where I'd begin hearing it and took it right where I needed it to go. Thank you for the time and effort. It's really comforting to see others doing this and caring about these things, because indeed the world seems depressing when you don't see it happening.
Question: When I'm with a person who has a very black view of humanity, like "you have to be on top of the game to survive, there is no one you can trust in this world, women are manipulative, men are exploitative" and so on. I get overwhelmed with sadness, scared and feel intensive pain, I want to cry, scream to the person to stop talking, or leave the situation. What can this be I experience at that moment? I don't live with that type of belief systems myself. I feel and experience love, hope, trust, connections everywhere I am, with all sorts of people, animals, nature. But I grew up with a dad who has this negative, black and white thinking, jealous and judgmental about anyone and anything. Demanding all attention and servitude for only him self. I'm thinking, my reactions are my whole body, mind, soul shouting stop, no more. I do not surrender to your version. I have a right to my own. Anyone ells who feels like this? In pain, like being tormented by how negative, angry, mean, cold someone is in their expressions about other people?
I was at that yoga studio in Encinitas, CA, in June, that you mentioned in this video. It was small, and you were great that evening. It was amazing meeting you after being a long-time viewer, and openly credit you with helping me crack open what was going on in my life! Thank you, again, for all you do to help.
One exception for covert coercion is when you must hide more vegetables or good herbs in children’s food. It is definitely better for them . Lol . I advocate this one use.
Wow Richard! O LOVE you’re latest videos, the woo and everything. After about 2 years stuck in trying to figure out narcissists (as in, obsessing over all that’s wrong with them) I’m so ready for this more mature approach to healing and personal growth. Enough with that. STOP - yes! You’re one of my fav speakers, I love your humor and the way you comment on your own thoughts (the funny and insightful side notes), well done and thank you so much for your work! I appreciate you!
Thank you. That was so profoundly helpful. I was looking for blaming or labeling and decsifering the behaviors. We were both operating from wounded positions. Nobody wins. I’ll be looking in the mirror from now on. ✨
AhhAhhh, I am also practicing alchemy, great talk, can so relate! The Heros journey, just everything you mentioned, also about the witch burn. Hermes the god of boundaries, good reminder!
Omg! So glad you're talking about this. I have been spending years learning this the slow hard way. I had no awareness for years of my manipulative coersion in relationships, I always saw myself as the receiver, the victim, and never a participant. It takes 2 to dance a waltz. We are taught to blame. Dang you nailed it! Thanks for your bravery of honesty.
I love your videos more all the time, but I really love this one! So real, honest, straightforward , and thoughtful! So important! Forget math, I dare say I have learned more important life information from half of this video than my entire formal education. So comforting that thousands of people have watched this. I hope it truly touches many more lives and generations!
I love your videos. It's like when you have a philosophical conversation with someone where one idea triggers the next and you explore each area openly and authentically. Love the flow of how you cover the topic. Thank you.
Got out of abusive 4 year relationship, 3 years ago, and still NOT ready to date, but out of so many videos i listened about narcissist recovery, yours are some of the best ones. Thank you!!!
Love you Richard been watching for awhile.I especially enjoyed your explanation of being your own prophet and stopping the cycle.being vigilant to noticing the manipulation of others and loving yourself enough to walk alone if communication isn't open...Boston🍀USA
“Don’t hate trauma.” Love that! How DO you do this?! This one is brilliant! So amazing. You are hitting all the high notes - and all in one talk. I really like that your background is so eclectic and you can so easily reach into your bag of wisdom and pull out what you need to make your point(s). Beautiful. Soothing. Hopeful. Listening to you is like drinking a chocolate shake😋. Yum!
Wow. I was not expecting what I just saw. You have helped me get through my own relationship trauma, taught me how to heal and taught me to reach inside myself to want to heal. I really enjoy your way of thought and the way you convey your message.
Best of all talks I have seen so far from you, Richard! For me personally a great reminder of the original intension with which I stayed in the relationship (at the end too long, but who knows): to become aware, to make aware, and it was sort of sorting out old karma. This video took me now out of the circle of doubts and questions I had after ending the toxic relationship. May it help to find back to the is-ness of this moment I had before, the freedom in the disciplin of confronting every day as it is.
Thanks a lot! Your speech on trauma, disconnection and emotinal flashback syndrome opened my eyes to the roots of my own problems and how to solve them.
This was great Richard, thank you! I just got out of a 2-month toxic relationship after being in therapy for a year. I noticed the signs right away, I worked with him but it was just too verbally abusive and I had to end it. I will take advantage of your links as well as I found this extremely helpful and enjoyed your witty delivery. I'm happy I found you on here, keep up the great work! :)
Brilliant! Thank you again. Healing....sealing....alchemy of turning suffering into purpose...this starchild is a fan. I will love and accept and forgive myself.
I highly appreciate your emphasis on how toxic manipulation actually is. In general. This is something, as you mentioned, that's [hyper] normalized way too much. So much so, that we almost don't recognize it when it comes along.
Thank you for the inspiring and insightful explanation, Richard!! You have the most profound analogy that I have ever heard👍💞It really clears up some issues. Looking forward to the next episodes. Thank you again and God bless🙏🤞
Just found this very insightful and accessible education. Transmuting trauma using alchemy as our individual life work is spot on and brilliant. This presentation gave me a huge opportunity to leap forward in understanding and a reasoned actionable path forward after a trauma bond has finally ended. Thank you for this gift.
Whatever bears affinity to cunning is despicable. Fitzwilliam Darcy This Is so important and helps me Tremendously. Ty Richie yes leveling up because: endgame.
You're fantastic and truthful and funny.Thank you for reminding me of what I already knew but didn't know how to say it and put it all together. So much truth said in a perfect time. A year later, this discussion is still perfect. You're a great, funny, truthful person with great love.
This makes me wonder what happened to people when they stopped respecting the rolling hills, the sun, trees and the rest of the creatures. People have lost their place in the world. Humans are not everything. If you love the planet you can love each other. If you show respect for the planet you will respect each other just a little more. When I met my lost dogs and they recovered and helped me recover, I learned love without manipulation...just fun and acceptance. They grew old and passed, but I am grateful for the time we had. No human is going to push me down into sorrow again! Everybody needs to check their own heads. I am so grateful for Richard and the humor he gives this heavy subject. What a relief!
I love your comment about the intergalactic spaceship! And about how torture keeps us stuck in our bodys to forget about where we are in time and space. (And how the fakirs run the show by being stronger than the threats., even when it really not should be necessary!)
Mind f*cking Blown. One of the most profound things I’ve ever watched/listened to. I wish we could just interrupt EVERYONE’S regularly scheduled programming to bring them this Life Changing message.
