Southern Belles Not What They Seem? 

Southern bells morphed into modern mean girls. Prove me wrong

I do take Southern Belles seriously on occasion. If a posh Southern girl pats you on the cheek and says “Well, bless your little heart, sugar,” she’s probably going to have you killed.

I’ve been researching and studying my own family history since I was a teenager, and I’m descended from quite a few Confederate slaveholders. It’s difficult to wrap one’s mind around how they justified the things they did, particularly as a woman. One day as I was reading “The African-American History of Nashville, Tennessee, 1780-1930: Elites and Dilemmas” by Bobby L. Lovett, he pointed out that under the slave system although a woman couldn’t inherit or hold land, she could inherit and hold slaves in her own right. Those slaves could then be hired out for wages, which she could keep as income independent of her husband. I’ve since discovered that I actually have an ancestor who used this kind of stolen labor to successfully flee an abusive husband! That was an “aha” moment for me, because it suddenly made so much sense why white women would support and perpetuate this system. They were very much participants and benefactors from it, which is exactly why from the “Southern Belle” to the white supremacist nonsense surrounding women’s suffrage, they colluded in racist propaganda to the very last.

"My mistress was, as I have said, a kind and tender-hearted woman; and in the simplicity of her soul she commenced, when I first went to live with her, to treat me as she supposed one human being ought to treat another. In entering upon the duties of a slaveholder, she did not seem to perceive that I sustained to her the relation of a mere chattel, and that for her to treat me as a human being was not only wrong, but dangerously so. Slavery proved as injurious to her as it did to me. When I went there, she was a pious, warm, and tender-hearted woman. There was no sorrow or suffering for which she had not a tear. She had bread for the hungry, clothes for the naked, and comfort for every mourner that came within her reach. Slavery soon proved its ability to divest her of these heavenly qualities. Under its influence, the tender heart became stone, and the lamblike disposition gave way to one of tiger-like fierceness.” Frederick Douglass (Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave)

I think, if someone wants to get a handle on how Southern Belles really lived their lives, a good place to start is "They Were Her Property" by Stephanie E. Jones-Rogers. It's about the slave-holding women of the South.

Being a “southern belle” is kind of tied up with class and slavery, how else is she supposed to be able spend time and money to look like that without having lots of unpaid workers doing hard agricultural work?

Do you know why Upperclass Southern Girls were sent to finishing schools? Being raised by slave nannies led to them sounding like those they subjugated. That just could not stand.

The southern belle was charmimg, gracious, soft spoken, well mannered. And guess who raised her? She was entrusted to a black "mammy" for her care. She was only sent to a finishing or charm school to polish the edges of her upbringing. Not enough credit is given to those women who not only took over the breastfeeding of a white child, but in most cases, raised these childten to be who they were. From making sure these children ate their food,put their hats on, were properly dressed, well mannered, nursed thru sickness, black women did it all. Most southern mothers did what all women with a full time nanny did. Read a story and tuck them in at bedtime and take credit for that child.

As a teacher I'm proud to hear somebody from the south speaking up and being truthful and honest. You have no idea how difficult it is to get that notion through to some of my students that the South was not this this pretty, picture perfect, idyllic, Pollyanna environment. There was definitely some very ugly truths behind it and definitely was ALSO behind the image that others might like to portray. You are to be commended for bringing this truth out into the open. Thank You.

Hiding ugly behind pretty is an effective tactic. Those big ass dresses are just so much fun they serve as a distraction from the horror show in the background.

I mean, tbh, as an SA survivor, I’m sick and tired of my trauma being co-opted into racism. Like…racists don’t actually care about women’s safety from assault unless it gives them an excuse to harass/terrorize black men and others 🤦🏽‍♀️. Pisses me off

All of these southern bell info was taught to me in SC in 99-01 by a middle school teacher and she even had us watch gone with the wind. She even told us that the KKK was established to protect white women from being assaulted by black men… my mom started teaching me history at home after that. Also 8th grade history book started off sayin “Education was never important in SC”.

My Dad was Mississippi born and bred. Our family was complete with Southern Baptist Ministers. I went to school in Louisiana for first and second grade and then he and my Mom, the Yankee, moved the family north eventually to Seattle. When I was growing up my Dad would say over and over again “If it’s the last thing I do I’ll make a lady out of you”. My Mom grew up in the North and valued groups of girls doing things without boys. My Dad, afraid of carpet baggers on Vashon Island?!, would say “who’s going to protect you?”

Thanks for this important lesson and especially for upholdig the greatness of Tammy Wynnette.

Very interesting. I don’t think the concept of the Southern Belle is currently being carried forward by only Southerners. I was born in the South and have lived here most of my life and I am not sure I have ever heard anyone talking about Southern Belles except when discussing Gone with the Wind - which, honestly, doesn’t happen very often. But I’ve had a friend from Chicago call my mother a Southern Belle as a compliment. I’ve had a friend from New York visit me in Atlanta and say she was surprised that there wasn’t more antebellum architecture. (“I think most of it was burned,” I replied.) In Minnesota, my 7th grade history teacher told the class that in the south we were taught that owners were nice to their slaves. (No, we weren’t). Which is to say, the misconceptions are not limited to Southerners and may even be worse outside the south. But it is good to know the origin of the Southern Belle legend.

I really like how you find avenues to teach us somethin'. Thanks Trae 😊.

And Dolly. She’s better than all of us.

My great grandmother was a belle in the 1870s. She and my great grandfather owned a huge tobacco farm. She worked out in the fields along with her husband and ran the house. She was not who you thought of when the word belle came to mind

My great-great grandmother was a plantation mistress. She inherited Retreat Plantation (St. Simons Island) from her father, as she was his only surviving heir. She, not her husband, owned and operated the plantation and had legal title to the enslaved Americans whose labor created the family's wealth. Try to imagine the American history I was indoctrinated with at Sunday dinner and in my private, segregated, primary school while growing up. My parents were well meaning, teaching me what they had been taught and what they believed to be true. Jim Crow was still real, though on the way out. Song of the South was presented to me as an animated documentary. If not for a liberal arts education and an innate curiosity I'd still believe that BS. I can understand why many of my contemporaries and family members still do: they believe in inherited sin and thus deny that sin. I'm a believer in the theory that the United States Congress didn't have the guts to finish the job after Lincoln's assassination and that the Civil War was won by the South during Reconstruction. We are fighting a cold (for now) civil war today. History resembles itself ...

Very well done! As a descendant of hillbilly farm boys and girls from Virginia/West Virginia, it has been a journey to deal with all the fallout from having 11 ancestors who were Confederate soldiers. I doubt that slavery was the reason for them joining the Confederate army and I don't fault them for joining, but slavery was not good reason to fight a war. It was a house of cards that had to end at some point. Defending their homes and families was likely the reasoning for most of the soldiers, but there is no way to know for sure. This nation was founded on God's Word and freedom, and God is all about freedom. Thank you for exposing the myths and bless your heart... in the good way.

"I definitely don't want no smoke from Charleston's answer to Snookie." 🤣💀

If you're interested in this dynamic, I highly recommend Florence King's autobiography, Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady. I read it as a preteen in the 80s and it was totally formative for me me a gay feminist.

The thing that destroyed the "Southern Belle" mythos for me was learning that there was such a fashion for emptying chamberpots on passing bluecoats that it had to be prevented by law. _Very_ charming and ladylike!

The explanation I never knew I absolutely needed ❤

I remember seeing a Plantation Belle Barbie when I was little and thinking “why have they made Slave owner Barbie?”

Thanks Trae for the context on the concept of the "southern belle"

I have so much respect for you as a human being and a MAN living in the south. I am thinking you had wonderful intelligent parents. I love your comedy too.❤

Did you know that Daughter's of The Confederacy (est.1894) They formed textbook committees and pressured school boards to ban books that the UDC deemed “unjust to the South,” which was anything that shed negative light on the Confederacy.

1:04 ... weddings at death camps... what an appropriate analogy.... Mia should have considered decking the person suggesting a plantation wedding. 😒

The same women who were big slavers…

"You can hide centuries of human rights abuse under them!" Brlliant!

Thanks Trae and crew. I'm from New York and my partner is from Georgia. I asked her why southerners always had a chip on their shoulder about northerners. She said, "Because they lost!" I guess they never thought about moving on instead of stewing in it. I was treated poorly there. To this day, country music makes me depressed thinking about my time there.

Excellent video, Trae

I remembering seeing something on the Jamestown site regarding slavery. In their laws (this is the colonial period, pre-revolution) if a white man had a child with a black slave than that child was going to be a slave. However, if a slave had a child with a white woman (likely she was going to be a servant or even an indentured servant - little better than a slave because their servitude was limited and after a period they would be provided land) that child was going to be free. This is not something anyone seems willing to talk about, suggesting that there were interracial relationships that were legitimate rather than forced.

I find it interesting that throughout history that men in all cultures across the world dictate what the ideal virtuous woman should be and look like. Like virtuousness and piety is the sole responsibility of women... men can pretty much be as they are.

This is amazing! And if anyone wants to see a film version of this "southern belle", Sarah Paulson in "12 Years A Slave" is a powerful performance and the character is horrific.

"Oh have you not seen...my face, no" lmao

I don't think Dolly would call herself a Southern Belle, but as southern women go, she is definitely better than any mere mortal.

I think this video feeds more stereo types than it dispels myths. Being born and raised in the South, I never heard any Southerner sugar coat slavery. It was an ugly realities but one that only a few (1-5 %) rich people could afford. So it was my Commanche ancestors not the confederate that owned slaves. The Southern Belle ideal I was raised with had nothing to do with slavery. It was all about manners and how to be a steel magnolia. That means just looking soft and sweet but being strong and smart. The modern South has risen above the mistakes of the civil war and Jim Crow era and videos that sensationalized those are really just divisive and do nothing to improve society.

Oh Lawdy me... Im so desirable that no one can resist my spoiled racist persona... So much B.S. we could repair the damage done to tge soil from raising cotton over and over and over again.. Depleting the nutrients in the soil...

Watching cringe worthy 'Say yes to the dress' often has women from the South and their menfolk and quite frankly, they are something to behold! I think you should be teaching this in schools, Trae.Just imagine the eye rolling as you explained this stuff to a class of 12 year olds.I would pay to see that, say in Alabama or West Virginia, places of diversity...lol.Blessings from the deep south of Australia.

Let's face it, there's only one Southern Belle worth admiring in fiction: Rogue. Takes orders from a black woman to go bash bigots and their giant robots into submission.

Also, remember the courage of southern women like the Grimke sisters who gave up a life of extreme wealth and comfort because slavery offended their deeply held Christian values. Surely, in the ways that really matter, these were the truly beautiful daughters daughters of the south!

Good stuff, Trae! I like this new format.

I was certainly shocked when I had my first Mint Juleps. I was expecting something like a Mohito not a glass of whiskey sprinkled with mint leaves. My Dad and all of his family were Southern Baptist Convention adherents. With a Yankee mom living in the north I can only say my Dad was weird.

I was born and raised in the south. It's so funny to me that people think "Southern Bells" are fragile. I've seen southern women work in the fields and factories all day and then go home to take care of their children, husbands, and houses. I've seen southern women that don't even make it to five feet tall make grown men tremble in their tracks with little more than a word or two. I've seen southern women stand ramrod straight when bombarded with physical, emotional, and/or financial devastation. They come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. While some might be ding-a-lings, I don't know any that are fragile.

and Dolly.

Love you Trae!❤ Thanks for all you do!

I think it was insensitive for you to suggest it’s worse than holocaust denial. Outside of that, I agree. And while I am from the south, I am not a southern Belle.

I'm English, so knew in a distant historical way about plantations, but didn't really *know*, even though I moved to the Nashville area some years ago. A couple of years ago I bicycled down the Natchez Trace from Nashville to Natchez. At one point in Mississippi the only place available near the Trace for me to stay was on an old plantation. At first I didn't think much of it. But then as I was cycling through the little town to the plantation I went through a poor community that was predominantly black. After cycling through it I crossed a road and went onto the plantation. It was beautiful, on top of a hill. That's when I started to feel uncomfortable. I wondered if that black community had at some point been slave quarters. The room I stayed in was very nice....but the information about it was clear that this had been a room of one of the daughters of the house. It had a little room off the side and I wondered if at some point that's where the daughter's slave had slept, ready to wait on her mistress. Maybe not. Maybe it had just been a closet or something. Who knows. But that whole experience was very uncomfortable for me. Uncomfortable enough that in the future I will avoid staying in places like that. It was weird to me that the whole history is romanticized. How can something so awful be romantic?

If a southern woman doesn't like you, you'll be the last to know. Bless her heart 😂

More American myths? Color me shocked.

This is really fascinating and I think unpacking the context & history of how it happened is very important. But I can still admire the beauty of the aesthetic. Speaking of, this reminds me of something related I found to be extremely interesting. I was watching a lot of RuPaul's Drag Race in quarantine. In one of the first challenges of a new season, the contestants did a photoshoot that was similar to some famous scene in Gone With the Wind (I don't remember which one; I haven't seen the film in years) and it was chosen because RuPaul said it's one of his favorite movies. Seeing as RuPaul is a black drag queen (and I think he grew up in the South? I don't remember,) I'd be very interested to see what your take on that was. Great video! ❤

That was a great segment, Trae.

So, I guess this means Gone with the Wind isn't historically accurate.

I do declare I think I'm toasted from that second glass of wine

You are on to the thread, that is more subtle than history. I’m that northern liberal, that inadvertently dislikes my own people. What we’ve learned, is the result of manipulation festivals, that insecure people design for us.. I fought it for 60 yrs, and I’ll likely just leave the country, before..🤔

"have we not seen my face?" frfr XD

I like your new format!

Before we had Karens, we had Miss Anne. If Netflix were to re-air Roots perhaps...

The Junior League is an aspirational incarnation of the Southern Bell myth. The image of the southern bell is a way of "keeping women in their place" Had more culture shock moving from northern Missouri to western Kentucky than moving from the US to S. Korea.

I couldn’t take that mentality any longer. Moved back to New York. This is 2023, get with the program people!

Mary Chestnut lived in a slave holding family in SC. She recounts how the men raped the enslaved women and the “lady” of the house had to put up with it, often by taking out her fury on the raped victim.

Can i campaign for Dolly Parton to also hold Tammy Wynette’s status of “Way better than you n’ me” I might be a northerner but that woman might just be an Angel on earth

Assistant slave master. 💀💀💀💀😂😂😂😂

Personally I think women in the whole country could stand to be more like Julia from Designing Women. I mean the portrayal of a woman as a strong, intelligent, charming, savvy, independent, logical, no nonsense, Lady. The character may have been afluent, but any woman can have the qualities that made her a Lady.

Brilliant! Thank you.

Just the heat humidity and bugs tell me the Southern belle is bullshit. I actually grew up on the plantation, it was hard work and outdoor life. If you read the book Gone With The Wind instead be if watching the hokum movie it’s all about hardships. Do y’all understand how much those huge hooped dresses cost? Strictly rich lady stuff.

Great job!

Just as a footnote: DW Griffith apologized for Birth of a Nation. He was born and raised out west, and he got all these stories about how great the KKK was from his grandfather who told him stories, which DW believed because why wouldn’t he? He was a dumb kid. He got the option to make a movie of “The Klansman” and (at least to hear him and his people tell it) he had absolutely no idea how awful the klan was until people pointed it out to him afterwards, and he was allegedly pretty aghast. Even moreso because his damn movie led to a revival of the KKK, which was effectively dead before it came out. His next movie, “Broken Blossom,” is about an interracial romance (or at leas as much of one as he could get away with) and is widely seen as his apology for Birth of a Nation. None of this is me trying to justify the movie’s entirely fucked up portrayal of the Civil War, or, more importantly, Reconstruction (which is where the real evil of the film kicks in), this is just me trying to provide context and thereby justify all those useless film courses I took in college

Lived in the south for years, surrounded by tourist plantations. I won’t set foot on one for any reason and I’ll die on that hill.

I deeclayah!!!

What was required of a southern belle was what was also required of middle class and well-to-do Victorian women, same era.

Thank you for this!!!

Down here in FL, I’ve passed two homes with the Confederate flag.

So... the Southern Belle is just a boogie Karen.

One of the most enlightened comment sections I have read in quite a while! ---- P.S. 02:50 - I seriously thought for a second... the man in the picture...had a laptop open...i know but it's been an exasperating day...

Being from the South, you are 100% accurate..

Trea, you make this sh#t sound hilarious 😂😂😂😂.

Thank you Trae!

Thank you, Trae!!

you got flies on you, i got flies on me, but there ain't no flies on tammy! :D

I object to considering southern belles my equals: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so [locate the U.S. on a map}, because some - people out there, in our nation, don't have maps ..." Miss South Carolina 2007

I always thought it was BS. I also would never have been attracted to one the way they were portrayed.

It's like Adam ruins everything... But with Trae Crowder... Fuuuuck I love it!

That bit about holocaust denial is brilliant.

Thank you

"they're frail" except you want them to pop out a new healthy baby every 18 months. how she gon do that if she faints nonstop & comes down with the runs because anyone sneezed, like damn

Thank you so much!

Thank You!!

The Tammy Wynette nod at the end was charming. 🤩

I very much appreciate the disclaimer in the second half of the video. Humanizes the idea that some people might simply just like southern belles. Also, this way, even if you were misinformed about this, it doesn't change the fact that you have no problem with the style/lifestyle in the first place - aside from this history.

Thank you Trae

The heck is a southern belle? Are they one of those “a black guy looked at me,quick, lynch him?” Types?

You say "Southern Belle," I think of Sarah Paulson's character in 12 Years a Slave.

I thought this was going to be about Lindsey Graham. 🤣

This was interesting

I know a whole clan of Crowders that live up here in Chicago, they settled on the Westside, but their Matriarch came from down south back in the 60s.

Well Fiddlee dee dee.

“Have we not seen my face”. 😂😂😂😂