Life update on where I've been and why... A lot has changed for me this year, and I'm so grateful for your patience with me. Love you xx HAIR 5x5 Closure Wig www.Cydbee.mayvenn.com FTC: This video is NOT sponsored.
You can't prioritize yourself in a marriage. The wife should prioritize the husband and the husband should prioritize the wife, the discord begins when only one person is prioritizing the other.
@@Selahhhhhhhhhhh this doesn't have to apply to marriage. It can be used for other relationships as well. We all have to prioritize ourselves because if we don't others won't.
@@leahaharris580 Marriage and general friendships have fundamental differences, with this being one of them. So if we're strictly talking friendships....sure.
@@Selahhhhhhhhhhh disagree 100%, you should always be your own priority. Taking care of your health (physically and mentally) providing for yourself first, learning new things on your own etc. We’ve done it since birth so that isn’t going to magically change as soon as you’re married. No one will care for you as much as you can, no one is going to care for your health or wellbeing as much as you do.
Best thing a therapist ever told me is: you’re kind and kindness isn’t always nice, and that’s okay, stop trying to be nice and focus on being honest and kind.
@@OfficialJanetMbugua yes! I think of being nice as an action:verb. Its something you do, such as bring polite to someone. Whereas bring kind is more so your inherent good nature. What you are
I subscribe to this school of thought. Nice is trying to spare feelings. Even if its not fully honest. Kind is trying to make life better by being fully honest even when its hard. You can heal from the truth. Fuck your feelings.
When I turned 30, I felt much much better, than I was 20. I'm 32 now and I feel like everything is going well and I feel more stable financially and mentally.
Same. 34 and love being in my 30s. All my problems didn't go away but it became easier to handle adversity. Plus I make way more money 🥴🤣 You couldn't pay me to go back to my 20s. That was a very rough period for me.
I am 45 and I love my age. It is society who wants to bring women down. But being older is a plus in so many ways, and I feel much better in my own skin.
My ex-husband came home last year, 4 days after our wedding anniversary and told me he didn’t want to be a husband/dad anymore. It was devastating. I am changed in a way I never thought. All the things you are saying is same for me over the last 10 months. My relationship with my family has also changed for the better. You have got this! May the force be with you all.
Well he can’t up and leave his kids. If he did he should be in jail IMO. Hope he gets squeezed out all of his money in child support. May your kids not be broken by this coward!
@@Kshipss our divorce was finalized in June. He was married to wedding ring off/bar hoping/moved out in 3 days. He def learned the hard way that abandoning your life isn’t as easy as he thought in our state.
@@aidasa3791 it was his step son. My son is in therapy now dealing with the repercussions of being abandoned by someone he love, respected and thought he had a father/son relationship with. He has a great relationship with his dad but my ex and him were very close so him just leaving cause a major upheaval in both our lives and I had a complete mental breakdown so it was a scary experience for him.
If you like being 30, wait till 40. It's even better! There is so much stigma around women getting older but man, it really does just keep getting better and better.
This is so refreshing. I’m 32 and I strongly believe that women getting older past their 30s and onward just gets more wise and more beautiful. While my biological clock keeps ticking in the distance, I love the confidence that comes naturally with this age. ☺️💜
U better tell her and WE still look good too🤣 The confidence, the spiritual growth, the understanding of what really matters.....not what u fantasized about life but excepting peace and happiness is LIFE. At 32 people thought I was 25 now at 42 they think I'm under 35!!!! Peace and enjoying life the best u can will keep you going. We not gonna act like earth doesn't suck😂🤣💯
@@BlaydeAlabama guess white I'm Caucasian. I'm 50 and look great. Every one ages as face also droop and look old no matter what race. It's that hateful racist toxicity that makes you disliked worldwide....ESPECIALLY your own Men have had enough. Not all WHITE people are pale white. You obviously are small minded, ignorant and have barely left your Country...yeah. Wendy Williams and Oprah...all look 18. Lol dumbass
I’ve learned in therapy that having boundaries is actually an act of self love (especially for us who have so much love to give we tend to give until we have nothing left for ourselves)
Absolutely! And imo it's also an act of love towards others. By having boundaries you're better able to communicate with loved ones and you're also teaching them that it's good to have personal boundaries! I've seen girls who learn that in therapy later encourage their mothers to finally establish boundaries. I gotta say, as a guy, I feel like girls growing up aren't encouraged as much to have boundaries. As I get older the more I notice the women in my family keep quiet about many things. I've talked to them about it and I always encourage them to have boundaries, but it's not easy breaking the cycle.
I literally say women finally become their true self once they hit 30. You’re no longer confused, taken advantage of, shackled and you’re not living life through the thousands of rose tinted glasses society, men would have you believe you need to see through. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Welcome back, I’ve missed you.
The older you get as a woman, the more unapologetic you become. I’m 40 now and I am happier than ever because I have finally learned to TRULY love and appreciate myself, speak my needs/requirements and say bye-bye to ANYONE who doesn’t respect it!
@@jodi9361 I was so lost and depressed at 25 and I thought I knew so much!! Now I'm 26 and I know I don't know shit so I'm just flowing, but this is the most secure and myself I've ever felt. Just be open to learning, and if something scares you, run to it and explore why-- the only way to get over something is thru it. I hope everything works out for you in the right timing 🥰
Yup and thats exactly why men have started the whole "women hit a wall at 30 and nobody wants them" like nah... they're literally just emotionally matured and over mens bullshit and men are insecure over that fact so they have to find a way to tear women down in some way at every turn. It's pretty pathetic if you think about it (for men)
You're not alone Drea! I am divorced, I'm free of that sick, domestic violence situation! I'm married again to an awesome understanding man that doesn't beat me down, he brings me up. If we were to divorce though, I'll still see the light of day. I won't die of it. I said all of that to say that you're never alone Drea!💙🤗
Wow… so encouraging. I’m starting the divorce process and it’s so sad and depressing but enough is enough. My husband doesn’t respect me and feels as if he can do whatever he wants. It’s time to put me first
I still feel isolated as most of those around me are married and I feel like they will never understand the pain and failure I feel because of my divorce.
I divorced my husband of 16 years and really took time to get to know myself because I lost who I was! I pray for healing and know you are not alone! ❤
When I was younger, I got a tattoo that is lyrics & says “I will go down with this ship” the meaning to me is: my body is a vessel, another word for ship. I will go down with myself. I will go down fighting & I will stand with myself & choose myself until my ship goes under. Im so glad you’re getting to a better place!
Dido White Flag? Choon! If it’s that song that’s one that I used to love listening to about a situation but it was unbearable because I loved someone and felt it was my fault that we didn’t get together. Looking back he was a bit of a user and I took on way too much blame. Fk these people.
Going through the limbo separation into divorce now. It’s awful 😢 ! Especially when you realized ur spouse planned the shit out. Just gotta stay strong 🤷🏽♀️💪🏽
I wholeheartedly feel you on being the type of person who thrives and feels fulfilled independently, yet can easily fall into codependency if I don't catch myself! I appreciate your honesty in this video, you owed us no explanation but getting an update on your wellbeing was lovely. Keep shining! 💖
Same for me! It’s because of the amount of love and empathy we feel! We literally vibe off of others energy and totally want that euphoric feelings all the time! It’s insane, there is like no in between for me, well there wasn’t but I have learned what that I’m between looks like. It looks like after waking up to the one you love and having an amazing breakfast together, you each go do what fills you up separately or prepares you for you day, whether that be yoga, a workout, some tea, a morning podcast … the trick is.. remembering that you are first and you must always fill yourself up with love in order to give that in healthy way! It’s def easier said than done but it’s fun and the time spent with a partner is cherished, you look forward to it because you realize it’s not guaranteed
As a 27 year old black woman going through a divorce currently this meant so much to me to watch . I really felt what you were saying . I love the woman I’m becoming post divorce 🤎
Everything you've talked about is what I've been trying to explain to my family and friends. I'm not suddenly aggressive, I'm finally not allowing people to abuse me and my abusers don't like that.
I've been called "aggressive" only after I broke up from my previous ex because I stand up for myself now and make it known that I'm upset. People need to learn that these so called "negative" emotions are actually just neutral, and confrontation is a great opportunity to learn more from your relationship and yourself. Emotions are never constant, and feelings of discomfort are there to reveal things about ourselves. Also, am I the only one that feels like describing a woman who's upset "aggressive" seems kind of sexist? Men on the other hand are described as being "assertive" for displaying the same kind of behaviour.
Love this. I've been doing the same. My abusers constantly call me aggressive, but I know in my heart that I've finally learned how to establish boundaries that protect me from harm and they REALLY don't like it. If people can't treat us with same dignity and respect that we treat them, f*ck them! Much love and power to you girl. Anna
I stayed in a marriage 45 years. It took me that long to get the courage to leave and love myself. You are wise to understand and act on your needs and not diminish them.❤️
As a divorcée I went through a similar thing. I cried myself to sleep for months and am still getting back to the best version of ME. As women society tells us to martyr ourselves for family and in relationships. That day is over for me and I'm glad it's over for you as well.❤Holding boundaries with people you know is difficult but worthwhile .
preach!! I got divorced last year and that was because the man I was married to was a baby and refused to take care of himself emotionally. I was doing all the emotional AND household labor. It was increadibly madenning but at the same time a huge lesson in how much I don't want and need to be in a relationship where I'm doing all the work. Now my preferance is to be single, even if it means I'll be single for a long time rather than taking care of a man in a way that looks like parenting. Fuuuuuuuck that. Enjoying sassy Cydnee in this video!! Do you girl!
Omg girl this me. I is you !! I literally went thru this exact thing. I left and refused to be unhappy, unsatisfied, and always seen as the villain bc my ex husband could not take any accountability. Keep choosing yourself love ❤️ protect your energy
This is why I say 50/50 is bs. They want you to work a full time job, have kids, sole parenting, and do all the household chores. There is nothing 50/50 about that. That’s not a partnership that’s parenting like you said. I’m glad your feeling and doing better.
“Women being martyrs” YES! I catch myself doing this all the time! And I know I do this because I have seen my mom, my grandma, my mother in law… we are all keeping the walls stable so the roof doesn’t cave in. I get it Cydnee. Sending you my love 💖 thank you for sharing your life lessons and your journey
All the women in my family do it too! Part of it is keeping the walls stable but another part is control. It’s usually not malicious, but it’s us trying to control outcomes that we have little control over. All it does is breed resentment when nobody asked you to do it (and all when it comes to other adults they will figure it out without us meddling). Once I realized oh this is an aspect of being a control freak I was able to let it go and prioritize me.
I was 36 when I got divorced. Everything you spoke about, I too have experienced. It feels so good to find myself again. Now that I’m 40 and on the other side my life is balanced. Empathy without boundaries is martyrdom! We need balance. I’ve never had so much confidence. You are amazing and i fucks with you! Welcome back
Hey Cydnee. It’s good to see how you’re opening up about your personal life. Issues like a divorce can be quite difficult to talk about openly, but you’ve managed to be so strong and courageous somehow, and that is very admirable. Life has its ups and downs, and so is marriage. It’s okay to admit that you need to work on yourself or get to know yourself deeply first before forming a relationship with someone. Wishing you well on your future endeavors.
SHE'S BACK, LOL. And I love to see this energy. I can say therapy works well with her, she is so in tune, in touch, and so intelligent how she expresses her thoughts. They say you become better, behind a bad, and I see that has happened to her.
I think there’s a lot of ego tied into women martyring themselves, even though it looks like selflessness from the outside. I used to want to “save” my ex from himself, and totally sacrificed myself. It was actually really narcissistic of me, and I robbed him from an opportunity to grow and learn. Love is so tricky sometimes! All I know is a solid partnership starts with loving yourself ❤️
Narcissists don’t go out of there way to help ppl unless they have an ulterior motive or there’s a benefit to them. They also never martyr for anyone because they are self-serving people.
Nah it’s socialized into women from the day we’re born. You did it because that’s the message we get sent, not because you’re a narcissist by any means !
Sometimes people who think themselves kind or go out of their way to do things for someone have sort of a God complex. So they can say I did this for you or after all I did for you. It’s not a theory that’s fully been explored to understand yet but it’s there. A God complex can be conflicting because you’re actually in truth being kind so you can feel good about yourself. It’s also a control issue. You use your kindness to control the outcome of a person’s success so when they’re unsuccessful in their growth or unappreciative, you’re triggered. I mean after all you sacrificed for them, how dare they not turn out the way you want. It’s difficult to explain but it’s definitely there. It takes intentional maturity to identify it and actually work on it. If not you’ll keep doing things for people with an underlying expectation of control and end up feeling sorry for yourself. There’s also ego tied to the trait
Girl, I'm proud of you. I'm going through similar situation right now. Libra ♎️ ⚖️ I'm learning to love myself more, and prioritize my needs now. I'm tired of people taking advantage of my kindness, I'm learning to say NO to family and friends. And also voicing my opinion on things I don't want, don't want to do and don't like. I don't feel I should do things that make people happy anymore while sacrificing my happiness just to avoid confrontation. Even it means losing people, oh well. I'm okay with being alone, it's peaceful
This was such a great girl talk. I’m glad there’s an influencer out there that’s acknowledged the martyr mentality and having talks that empower women. You really have to be wise about who you give to and how much you give. Self love is really important if you truly want to be happy 😊
@@Bebedollie nah, her skin is practically glowing in this video. Against the baby blue top she has on, it's absolutely stunning. Why are you reducing her to just her eyes when every part of her is beautiful? Are you feeling okay? 🤔
I love your personality. I am 44 and everything you said is on point. Women really do bear the brunt of emotional work in relationships. We really don’t hold men accountable. I have to be honest and perhaps I am jaded but so many of them never get it. They grow up feeling entitled to emotional laziness. It’s exhausting and I am not sure it’s worth it to have a man. Sigh.
Agree with everything, except the burden of men's toxicity, patriarchy, misogyny, babyism and laziness definitely does not fall onto women not holding men accountable. If only it was that easy. It's the entire systemic agency, structures and systems built by men, for men, that needs to hold them responsible. That responsibility doesn't lie with women. That's like victim blaming. Men need to do better and get better idols.
idk, reads like emotional abuse on men to hold such emotional standards when that’s what women do naturally. men are logic based. i don’t hear women using logic to understand men, it’s always men blamed for uncompromising with their lack of emotional understanding.
There’s an article that just came out that says something about dating options being limited for men as women gain more healthy standards and I love that for us.
I really resonate with everything you're saying. Hearing you speak and truth is something I need to hear and at the same time makes me happy and feel love to hear it!
I felt this entire video 100%! I'm on the same healing and self-discovering journey. I feel like you were able to put a lot of what I've been experiencing, realizing, and wanting for myself and the people around me into such a short video. I'm amazed at what can be accomplished when you finally make yourself a priority! Keep it up, and I'm right here with you gurllll...❤🤙🏽
A shift happened when I turned 30. There's something about turning 30 and a pandemic and a major illness that allowed me to blossom into who I am today and I like her. She's still a work in progress but I'm going in the right direction. Sending you love!
Thank you so freaking much for sharing this. I’m finally reassessing who I keep in my life and the boundaries that I need to set. I’ve been holding off because of that fear of confrontation and the fear of hurting people. Hearing this is just really reaffirming that I need to push through the awkward tension that comes with being honest because that is the best thing for everyone in the end. I constantly think back to my childhood wishing that it hadn’t been so drilled in by society that girls have to be kind and nice and not talk back. There are so many moments in my life where I have been silent because of it. When someone is making you uncomfortable but you don’t say anything for fear of making them uncomfortable. This is the summation of my life, lmao.
I love your transparency & allowing us in your life , change can be hard & taking time to figure life out is important. It’s good to hear you loving yourself & seeing a different side we haven’t seen.
I just felt so much of this ... Despite being married 18 years on August 25, I see exactly how I've martyred myself for years now. And you've made me really reconsider the way I prioritize myself .. which is not at all.. ever. And I'm 47. It's way past time for me to do things *I want to do* .... 💯
I wish you well on your journey of prioritizing yourself 💖 it can be a hard transition to learn how to do that (and you may even find yourself being a little harsh to others to prove to yourself that you can- it’s normal & something you do unconsciously! Just let friends & your partner know what you are going through so they know why/where that is coming from. It happens with codependency, among other things !)
Scary comment. My ex of 3 years broke up with me. I thought we were going to get married. Anniversary is august 25th. Im very scared of how I will feel that day
As a 32 year old heterosexual woman who’s 2 years out of a divorce, I felt this honey!! It feels like you’re breathing for the first time when you feel yourself coming out on the other side victorious. No one can shake the woman I am now. So happy for you girlie! Keep pushing and know it gets better and better
@@ClearwaterKB I’m aware that it’s ok to be gay. I’m not gay and there is nothing wrong with anyone who is. We ALL deserve to be loved correctly, no matter the orientation. I took some time out to uplift someone who is going through the same thing I did. Thought it would be easier to say heterosexual relationship rather than I was married to a man. That’s all. I hope you’re doing well and are being loved correctly. My wish for all of us
This is just so cool, thank you so much for this girl. I lost my self trying to please my family who never loved me. I grew up in a very toxic environment and it has taken toll of my life. I literally don’t know who I am now…. But this video made me think I need to stand up and take accountability for my life. I need to own my shit and do things better. Thanks girl
i'm on this journey now. its rough but so worth it! i can't wait until i emerge fully in my own power. you got this! therapy has helped me so much if you have access.
Getting married in your 20’s is hard. I was crazy as hell! I got married when I turned 30 and I believe that is why I’ve been married for 22 years now! I still crazy, but it’s easier to manage lol. Girl, you’re gonna get through this and you will enjoy rediscovering yourself!
Girllll same here!!! I got married in my very early 20s! Lasted all on 5 seconds 😂😂 Really thought that we'd be married forever. Was the love of my life at the time but it was full of red flags!! FULL lol!!.... I just got married again this year at 31 and mannnnnn it feels like such a loving, mature relationship! I been with him for 7 years and I'm glad I waited until I was after 30 to get married to him because I've changed soooo much for the better and he has also. Now we're planning our first child together, getting a house, starting businesses! Finally feels like my life is being fulfilled which is something I didn't have in my 20s. Congrats on 22 years married! So happy for you guys! I pray for many many more for you! ❤️
I forgot what study said this... I'll share once I remember but they found statistically people who marry before age 31 have a significantly higher change of ending in divorce by or before age 31. It's odd, it's like at 31 you become a completely different person.
Looking back I'm so glad I didn't marry in my 20s because I would've definitely been divorced! I'm a completely different person now and finally feel that I'm at a point where I know myself enough to know exactly what I want and need.
Hi !! THANKYOU for this video and being so open about your feelings , barely ran into it , all you ve said is 100% on point , everything girl !! Please take your time healing and please be gentle with your heart in the process , you got this 🤍💕👊🏻 you are so brave for coming in here talking in the raw , we all needed to hear these words and confirmations , keep being your beautiful self , you re on the right path i can feel it . I hope your anxiety gets better , breath and keep going , loved the last part where you sang ❤️
As a people pleasing empath? FELTTTT. I felt everythinggggg omg. You didn’t tell not one lie. Men don’t take accountability for their emotions I can’t be on the brink AND try and keep YOU off the ledge too bro. Ugh. Love this space you’re in, can’t wait to get there.
So sorry to hear , definitely resonates as I’m recently divorced myself . What I can promise it that there’s so much love and light on the other side of all of this . 🙏🏾
Love love love this ❤ your such a strong woman. I felt like I was making breakfast with a friend just listening to the vent but hearing life advice gold nuggets that work . I’m glad your in a better place.
What you’ve gone through is what I’ve been going through right now for the past 5 years. I know a break through is coming and I am so happy to hear that there is an actual person that has been where I am and persevered. Thank you for this video.
Looove this! I’m 25, recently divorced after being with this person for 8 years but I had to prioritize myself and he did too. If you can’t adapt to someone’s growth, you don’t grow old with them. My soul feels lighter despite the hurt. *edit* I should clarify we’ve been together for 8 years but were married for 2.
@@annekathambi9807 in America you can get married at any age with parents approval but they also have child marriage is africa but I’m not sure about other places
Wait till you guys hit your 40s! WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE! I really feel I changed a lot in my 30s and really stopped trying to please everyone but sometimes I do have to remind myself to take care of myself. Those who really love me are the only people I have time for. I just can’t be bothered with people who don’t love me. Can’t wait for more “MAKEUP AND HISTORY”🎶(In Cydnee’s sing-song voice)!!!💋😂😊😊😊
Cyd, I hope you know how many of us are praying for you and encouraging you. Honey badger it up! Hug your family. Every moment with them is a gift. God bless you Angel!
Speaking to my soul. I’m free of a 6 year relationship that completely drained me and made me miserable in the end. I’m going back to school to finish my degree and focus on MY life again. The greatest self-growth can come from the worst experiences
There is nothing wrong with living with your parents so that you can build yourself up financially, it's actually smart. America pushes this Ultra individualistic society, we need each other, just have a balance and not take it to the extreme of becoming codependent on them where you have difficulty making decisions for yourself.
I love everything about this video. Especially the part about “women being martyrs”. Living a stressful life where you forget about yourself is nothing to aspire to. I aspire to be happy, at peace and loved.
Mad props to you for putting in the work to take care of yourself! This stuff is HARD and some of what you're dealing with is my worst nightmare. Thank you for sharing your personal growth with us, that takes a level of courage and humility and authenticity that I think would frighten most people. Congratulations and condolences.
I admire your strength and the fact that you have the courage to stand up and fight for you. The fact that you are making changes whether you wanted to or not, is commendable. I know you feel raw, been there done that, just be patient, send a prayer and ask for a blessing! You are amazing trust the process and move forward. Much love S💜💫
Your 20's are for pain and rising from the ashes. When I turned 27 I was like wasn't this suppose to be fun??? But who I became from those experiences is inexpressible and I love it. Very relatable but also I'm so happy for you as you progress through this moment and this human experience.
Girl, I turned 30 this year and am just getting it. People really do take kindness as weakness and even for granted and it can be quite heartbreaking when you realize people who you hold close that claim to love and care for you can at times be the same ones who use or take advantage of your kind and giving nature. I had a best friend who I had to cut off for this and am working on my marriage due to boundaries being crossed and the always expected forgiveness on my end. Life can be so unfair at times but making time for myself, finding my strength, forgiving and get to know myself has worked wonders and helped me not to be so jaded. Now its about piecing it all together... Much love on your future and new journey!!💕
I feel the "stop watching the news" in my SOUL! I started to think that everyone sucked and there was nothing but hate everywhere and we're all doomed. Once I started following happier, good news stories and acts of kindness pages, my faith in humanity was restored and while people do still suck, it's definitely not the majority.
@@NakiH90 same but depression. I just started disliking EVERYONE. I just assumed every single person I walked by or saw at a store was a racist, homophobic, evil hate filled pos and I know this is dramatic AF but I didn't want to raise my children here and I even started looking at other countries to move to! I really had to sit back and think about people I actually know and how they're not like that and then started following different pages on social media and got to see that while there ARE far too many evil jack wads here, there are also a lot more of the good and kind. Now I actually understand how important it is to pay attention to the energy around you and not get sucked into the bad. Whew that was a whole story but I've held this in forever lol!
I'm also coming out of a divorce, last September. I was doing all of the emotional labor, and a lot of the housework. It just got to a point where I couldn't ask him anymore to go to therapy. He wouldn't change, and I was complacent and stagnant. We were also codependent. Therapy has helped me tremendously. My therapist tells me all the time: other people's feelings are not your responsibility. I feel too like I'm giving all my love and energy away in pieces to other people and I just don't get that back. I've been working on turning it inward and not letting people pollute my space with their energy. My job is to love myself and care for and nurture myself now. I pulled back so much of my confidence and independence and being bold and direct to be soft and yielding for my ex husband. Instead of making it work as two people, I just catered to him and filled all his gaps and issues by surrendering parts of myself. I've been working hard to not let myself harden emotionally but stand by those boundaries. He'd cross a boundary and I'd get upset, but let him. No more. It's crazy to hear you talk and for it to feel like words from my own mouth. Power to us. Honestly I was so scared and sad for a long time, I'd cry every day for months, but the peace I have now is unmatched. When I'm around him I feel that heaviness, the weight of having to emotionally manage him, and I genuinely don't want it back. It did us both a disservice and was hard on my mental health. I stopped my own self growth to help him heal as a person. Getting out of that shell of a person I was is hard. I feel like I've had to confront a lot of negative traits about myself as well. Ugly truths, but I am better for it. Along with not falling back into codependency and catering. I don't want to be a martyr. I want to be happy and equal. We deserve the love we give to others.
Sweetheart the next time you get married. Please make sure that your next husband is domesticated before you even say I do, marriage Is a partnership and is suppose to help make life easier .marriage is not suppose to be a burden emotionally or physically.
I am sad that so many people relate to what I'm going through. I wish you all love and peace. As my therapist says, your place in someone's life is not determined by what you are able to do for them. You do not have to earn your keep. You're worthy of love already as you are. Good luck y'all. 💜
Yesss madammm! As a black woman I think there's a lot of conditioning that makes us feel like we have to present in softer ways. We deserve to be whole, nuanced, strong AND soft people. I support youuuu xoxo
I can see how black women get more conditioning than other races, but this is a huge problem with women in general. We’re still expected to be nice, hold shit down, and to make exceptions for male immaturity. It drives me insane. Like I had to grow up, they need to too.
Lovely to see you back again Cydnee. Sorry to hear you've been going through a rough time. Glad you're in a better place now. You deserve good things in your life. 💗
I remember turning 30. I'm loving 51. So much growth and understanding will come to you as you continue to age. Enjoyed this video. Thanks for sharing.
Girllll I FELT this so much ! I literally had this “Epiphany” not too long ago I wasn’t married but I might as well had been 😭 also I had friendships that were really draining. Now I’m loving this woman I’m becoming I put ME first and I see you’re on that vibe now . Love this for you I wish you the absolute best & I’m happy to see you back ! 💕 also I assume the rent increase is because of inflation yes the stock market stuff is stoopid 😂 I also stopped watching the news years ago . But u spoke Fendi facts this whole video 💯
I just left a 10 year relationship.. a domestic partnership... I let him feed me lies all the time about "yes, we're gonna get married" "yes, we're gonna have kids"... he worked out of state all the time, I gave up my friends and my life outside of him so he would feel better about being in Pennsylvania, or Virginia, or Massachusetts for months at a time while I was home in Louisiana. I stayed home all the time and held down the fort. I only went to family functions. He was so worried about me cheating while he had himself some Lil friends! The month we split was this passed May, my birthday month.. he came home from a 5 month job in Virginia and completely ignored me for weeks. He left me alone on my birthday to go to the camp with his friends... he texted me happy birthday.. always chose his friends over me... and then after years of telling me yes we're gonna get married,, yes we're gonna have kids.. he tells me he doesn't know if he wants to be a husband and a father anymore. I exploded. I moved back to my hometown, I spend more time with my family and friends, I go do what I want when I want... I haven't been this happy in 8 years. Congrats to you, Lativia. Here's to loving ourselves and making ourselves happy 🍸❤
@@Phushprada1 someone told me, when I asked a similar question, "YOU have to have enough. You will know when you've reached your breaking point, when you just can't look at his face another second or be in the same house with him. When the thought of spending another minute in that relationship makes you physically sick, you'll know that you have ENOUGH!And it's time for you to leave and find what makes you happy, find your own peace. " Best decision I made. I gave him the best 10 years of my life and he gave me infidelity, lies, gaslighting, and all that other narcissistic shit. If you're ready to get out, nothing is stopping you. Your happiness is important, your peace is important. If you have kids, they deserve to have a happy mom. Best wishes to you ❤
@@Phushprada1 I had to step out of my emotions and look at how he was treating me . I paid attention to when he treated me the best and it was only when he knew I was slipping away or getting tired of his bs . But when I treated him like a king he would do whatever cus he knew he had me wrapped around his finger , but I got tired of it… after a year of being single and only worrying about me i’m now with someone way better who I don’t even think I deserve sometimes 😂 and same thing with the friends I just put up with so much from them over the years they use to just use me, barely support my endeavors, and literally steal from me 😂 I put the love I have for them aside and let them go !
I watched this twice. I feel this HARD! I have been separated for almost 9 months and I'm going to see a divorce lawyer TODAY. I'm exhausted. I'd rather be alone.
I'm proud of you for handling your life with this level of respect for yourself because despite all the things that has happened, you came out on top. Wishing you nothing but the best😇😇💖💖
You have a tender heart. I appreciate your bravery to speak up and share. Hopefully, you were able to speak to someone who really needed to hear it. My thought was how I was raised up as a sort of Disney princess as a role model. But now that I'm older it's either someone will take you or leave you but you gotta be you. This letting go process with anxiety is huge! I'm happy you're doing better. Always be encouraged! The fact that you're thoughtful of others is a big deal! All the best!
30s are LIT, I promise. I’m 34 and a lot of mess I used to experience - ESPECIALLY with the reciprocity and emotional labor you mentioned?! Done-so. Communicating is much easier - I know where I end and others begin and I’m cool with that.
You couldn’t PAY ME to be 23 again!! I FEEL THAT. I felt the same way when I turned 30. No one. Not one person told me how confusing and hard that transitioning from school to adulthood would be. My honest impression was that it’d be smooth sails, but I was so wrong!! Welcome back! I’ve missed you, but I’ve been rewatching your videos. You’re a fantastic person inside and out. Take care of yourself because you deserve it! 💕 (We all do!)
Girl I'm 22 and in this position rn and I feel like I'm entering a black hole of despair and confusion. It's not even depression anymore lmao just hopelessness
Omg!!! wow that’s a different kind of dark hole. I am feeling for you though!! It’s cliche, but honestly, everything you’re going through today is shaping the person you’ll be tomorrow. That was one of the thoughts that kept me going. For some reason I kept hearing myself say, “Get to 27. Get to 27, 27 is gonna feel so different.” Funny, 27 was different, but it wasn’t anything significant. 😂 Maybe it was just my brain trying to help me survive. Either way, I’m 31 now, and I love the person I am. I may not love everything I’ve been through, but regardless of how small or big the obstacle was, I fucking went through that. I did that. My skin might be tougher now, I may have less friends now than I did in my early twenties, but I love myself and I love life more than I thought I would. I believe in you. Take life one day, or even one hour (!) at a time. Celebrate 🎉 every hour you make it through. You’re one step farther from where you are, and you’re one step closer to the person you’re becoming.
I have to say, Cydnee, that this video was a breath of fresh air! I used to watch you years ago (like 10 years ago way back in my teenage years) and then fell off because...life lol. But I'm very happy I stumbled across this video of you- I feel like I'm seeing an honest, candid version of you I either never saw before, or was too immature to pick out. Everything in you screams 'I'm a grown woman who's seen what life has to offer and still came back right here, loving myself' and I'm loving it! Thank you for being honest with the world about such difficult topics as I'm sure it helps a lot of people. Even I, as a perpetually single, voluntarily celebate person, can feel a lot of what you say, so I can only imagine how much your words resonate with those going through similar things as you. Long story short, you've reeled a subbie back in lol. Let your inner asshole shine through!
“It’s not your responsibility to act on other peoples feelings.” Whoa. That’s a new motto! I’ve been struggling with balancing my empathy and being seen as a mean bitch , so this is so helpful. After watching you since I was a teen Cydnee, it’s been really nice seeing you grow into the person you are now. We’ve had similar journeys and it’s refreshing knowing others are experiencing it too.
I REALLY don't want to sound patronizing, but I HAVE TO say that I'm so happy for you and so so so proud of you❤ I know the road you're walking... it's very hard, extremely painful, you start out crawling, and you can't imagine how you're ever going to feel better. It's absolutely exhausting. But look at you! It's been less than 1yr, and you're already standing! That really says SO MUCH about your strength, and wisdom, and the type of woman that you are. The only real way out is through. Stay on that path, girl. It's the road to true, emotional fulfillment. Go get what you want.
GIRL!!!!! I love that you know your worth, that you know who you are now and are comfortable in your own skin!!!! This was so raw and real, I loved every second of this video!!! Keep shinning that beautiful light of yours on the world! ~Roxxy~
Girl so I'm late night binging when I'm supposed to be resting but anyway, new subscriber! The universe really has its way, I came for turmeric masks and boom. Glad that you're no longer sensoring yourself too much, watching your evolution in just a couple of hours has been amazing. Nice to know your true self, I too felt that some of it was missing. It's very true that empaths can be recognised from their eyes only, the whole reason why I kept watching, before knowing you knew 😭 This is long but as a 28yo fellow black woman I agree vehemently with standing your ground and not letting people walk all over you. Set boundaries, stand up high, be confident even if it disturbs other people, we cannot be responsible for every other persons self esteem or ego. We can only be ourselves. Life becomes so much better, shaking things off, much easier. Not feeling drained all the time is a blessing and so are your words. Instead of worrying about my 30s, I'll just keep working on myself and create something I'm proud of and comfortable with. You've got sooooo much strength and power you really do. It'll get you through the tougher days 💜💜
Girl, yes!! I turned 30 last year, I’m in therapy, I’m being intentional with my feelings, my thoughts, my actions, & my circle (it’s gotten so much smaller and more intimate) and I love it here! Yes, I have some days where I have to check my emotions but I am so happy with the woman I’m becoming! I wouldn’t go back to being insecure and worrying about what others think about me. I’m doing me and loving every bit of it!
This is amazing! I’ve been divorced myself and I absolutely hate how people act like divorce is the most negative thing. Sometimes a divorce is what’s best. This video is definitely what I needed to hear. Thank you for this! I wish you all the best!
Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty in this video Cydnee!! I agree that women who are taking care of their responsibilities (like getting therapy) do the brunt of the emotional labor in relationships. I'm glad to see you're doing much better and I'm happy that you're feeling self-love and love and support from your friends and family. I hope this new found you keeps thriving ❤
Aries here. New divorcée! Learning more about me everyday! Yes, I can relate. So glad you had the strength and insight to move on! Walking on eggshells is exhausting. Babysitting grown men is not our job. Sending you love & light 💕❤️💕💕
I’m so sorry to hear about your separation. I hope that whatever differences you both have, get resolved if love is present. However, if that is not possible I send you healing energy & love. Definitely continue to work on you. 🙏🏼❤️⭐️
So much yes to all of this! Wait until you’re in your 40s! You care even less what folks think and actually tell them so, ha! Glad you’re doing you and rediscovering your voice. You got this girl!
Love it! Is this true, I'm 37 and have been finding my voice more and more, I hope I get there before I hit 40. Of course I want to have the right balance with "couth" and not out here cursing folks left and right like they deserve but I want to enforce strong boundaries and be very honest and not beat around the bush
I love everything you said. Even as a person who is not going through exactly what you are, your words really spoke to me. I wish you all the best! Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
