Get the app I used in the video for my weekly planning here: www.sunsama.com/a/howtoadhd They’re offering a 14-day free trial if you use my link and are ADHD-friendly, so they don’t need you to put a credit card before you start. I recommend giving it a try for your 2024 planning!
Yes for me that thing is studying for my exams. At first I didn't think motivation, I actually thought it was my meds not being enough as when I took my ritalin on top of my other meds I could do the stuff and actually stay focused but Im still not sure. Like I would start studying and then like 5 or 10 minutes later I would start googling stuff or watching youtube. Like I felt like I needed to. I not sure if you've made a video on this or if this is the video. But if possible could you make a video on how to tell if you need to talk to youre doctor about your concentration meds dosage or if its something else? Or if you don't want to make a video on that are their any tips or bits of guidance you might be able to give on how to tell? If you cant give any guidance please don't stress about it. Your channel has helped me a lot to understand I wasn't the only one facing certain challenges. Thank you.
Sorry! I accidentally bumped the down button twice on this comment trying to scroll.😳 This video is so helpful to me! Thank you!❤ And thank you for this link!👍👍👍
@@RondomName9277can I ask what else you’re taking for adhd besides Ritalin? I take IR adderal tablets but wish I could supplement the instant release with the extended more subtle dose. But the pharmacy wouldn’t fill two types of adhd meds and my insurance wouldn’t cover both either :(. even if a low dose of each. It’s crazy how insurance companies can veto our doctor’s prescriptions.
YES! And of course if you ask someone else what to prioritize they'll tell you their thing is the most important (along with everyone else that gave you something to do). 😅
If I had a nickel for everytime a neurotypical advised me, "Just PRIORITIZE!" As I quietly think to myself that they're ignorant to come at me with that surface level advice 🤦🏽♂️ and I'm simultaneously figuring out psychological strategies to actually cope through execution 😅. Overall, not a good back-and-forth conversation unless you really bring something enlightening to true neurodivergent productivity. 😑
When it comes to time planning, I have only two modes. A) I have plenty of time; that’s way in the future or B) it’s too late. For A, there’s not the sense of urgency to do it, and for B, I’m too overwhelmed that I’ve already failed (see: perfectionism). You may notice that both states are not conducive to getting the thing done. I don’t think I have ever once felt like I have exactly the right amount of time to do things. Anyone else stuck with this dichotomy? The real trip is when the thing somehow bounces back and forth between the extremes in the same hour, minute, or even thought. It’s a nightmare for my nervous system.
I can relate to that. Over the years I've developed a sense of satisfaction and joy to get things done way ahead of time. Think of how it feels when others on a project get their things started late, or even if they're on time, but you had your part already done last week!
I think it is sometimes not only the lack of skill, but to *think* that you don't have the skill. Or the fear to fail which can be paralyzing. And I have different motivation levels at different times of the day. In the evening, I always plan a perfectly structured, efficient, productive next day in the evening and I am super hyped and motivated when I think of this next day. Then it's the next day and my plan falls apart as soon as I get out of bed too late. Or when I should start my first task. I'm still searching for a way, to take this motivation over the night into the next day.
Yeahhhhh, perfectionism and fear of failing can often go hand in hand and they can be brutal together. And then our issues with time mixed with set shifting and other things definitely can make for a web of complexity!
I do something like that. At the coffee shop, which has plenty of tables. I can sit and sketch out the perfect day. Maybe just concentrate on one special project, and do a bit of something else. The whole week, maybe. Everything feels right, everything has its place. Then the coffee and scone are gone, I go home, and nothing I had in mind happens!
Yes! I feel like imposter syndrome double downs the lack of a skill thinking and then reinforces the perfectionism as we want to perfect the skill we perceive to be lacking
time, we are people pleasers so we are going to put other people first, I buy stuff to get started then I don't get started. perfectionism is exactly right...love this channel, finally someone who understands and I can relate to.
My daughter has just been diagnosed this year at 26, so I have found your channel very helpful. Recently, I have had Covid and the only tasks that were essential during that time were to look after the animals and water the plants, I allowed myself these to be the only things I did without the list of 15 other daily things I had to achieve and I cannot believe how restful it was on my brain...
I either want to do all of the things or get frustrated and not do any of them.This is partialy why I have 6 painting projects started in my house and nowhere near finishing any one of them.
I am so glad you are circling around and linking back to your previous videos. It is such a user friendly accommodation. You have many videos in your catalong and it can be hard to find the relevant ones. And that is if I even remember there was a related video.
I've been in therapy for 8 months now and, at first, I thought I was mostly going in for ADHD. Turns out, while that's certainly part of my issues, the fallout from ADHD is actually worse than ADHD itself. Namely, the crippling perfectionism and self-berating that I've developed as a hedge against ADHD. I know my ADHD tends to mean I make "mistakes" so I swing so far in the opposite direction (perfectionism) to "balance" it out. Well obviously then the bar for "successfully" doing anything becomes insurmountably high and any deviation from perfect I perceive means I'm a complete failure. So I end up just avoiding this cycle of berating myself by just...avoiding doing anything. I'm not avoiding the thing itself, like going on a walk, I'm avoiding the impossible standards I hold myself to and inevitable "failure". There, I just saved everyone months of time and money from therapy haha
When I've got the motivation but I'm lacking something else, I often feel huge guilt about not doing "the thing" because I actually want to or feel strongly that I should - and it's not enough.
I forced myself to do many things for years because i thought i had to, or i should be able to. My health was affected. Now, i have to pick and choose just a few things, that is difficult.
I have been mixing up “motivation” with “inspiration” and “momentum.” I know my motivations for deep cleaning the living room. What I might not have is the drive to do it. This is an important distinction that I’m glad you defined!
Video inspired mantra: I am capable. Anxiety and perfectionism do not limit me. I am able to discern the difference between what is possible and what is realistic. I share surplus ideas that may inspire others.
Why is it that every time I'm struggling, How To ADHD comes through with a video when I need it. This channel is such a God send! I just wasted two days trying to do a thing and failing because I was overwhelmed, spent another two listless days moping around playing the Sims because I'm stressed out over not being able to make myself do the thing, only to realise after watching this that the one thing I'm trying to do is actually ten things! Somehow my brain convinced myself that it was a 'simple' task, when it's actually really complicated! No wonder I feel overwhelmed every time I try to start doing it.
Only 3 minutes in so don’t know if you touch on this. But action precedes motivation. If you wait for emotion you will wait a VERY long time! Also done is better than perfect because perfect is never done.
Some of us really like pressure they can’t do things if they’re not under pressure. so everyone is different. Control and pressure is the best medicine.
I've found I have 3 reasons for doing anything: 1. I am in 'get things done' mode where momentum is already there, 2. I am inspired or exited in the moment, 3. The deadline is close and I can't afford the consequences. If none of those have triggered me into action. I'm probably not going to procrastinate. The occasional exception is daily routine that has always been there, like eating or getting dressed. Ultimately, it's not the reason, it's the emotion - fear or excitement. Trying to build and keep new habits doesn't work unless I have someone else encouraging me in the moment. If I could just get to bed on time and keep the morning routine!!
The “I forgot” is literally the one that happens to me all the time, even if the task is right in-front of me. I live with my grandma and she keeps thinking I’m putting it off. Im not putting it off i just completely forgot I was supposed to do that. 😭😂
A book that I read that might be interesting to you is the Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. I feel like in addition to the ADHD, it helped me understand more about what helps motivate me and what doesn't.
I find fear is the first thing I feel when struggling to get started toward or continue a goal, and it clouds my ability to analyze which of these reasons are the root cause of my struggles
Incredible video! thank you I'm in the final year of my masters with adhd+depression and have always thought my procrastination was a motivation issue even though I really want to finish and do a good job. But when you mentioned perfectionism, it felt like you looked straight in to my brain. I'll spend weeks of a project worrying about how I can make it the best representation of the issue I'm writing about, beeing scared to even start writing because what if it's not good enough. It's like, the closer I get to the finish line the wors it has become. Because my brain is telling me "I should have learned so much in the years prior to use", everything needs to be better than the last thing. I'm already scared of my master thesis next semester
Today i started doing my work. Then i went and checked on my shares account and then I went to Google finance to enter my share transactions because I wanted to be able to get a better view of how individual shares are performing daily - i have to enter many hundreds of transactions and am only part way through. I'm supposed to be working mind you. Then i got side tracked by watching some RU-vid videos and now I'm back working. This is something that I seem to do all the time. I get distracted by things i shouldn't be doing or can wait. I don't know why but I feel compelled to do it. Right now I'm writing this and I'm supposed to be doing the same task I already started. I'll get through my task but i dunno how many more distractions I'll have before completing it.
Finding psychologists who understand this and can help with strategies for it is so painfully difficult - and there's even more to it than mentioned here that can get in the way. Even the one I have now, who is broadly experienced and credentialed, will talk about my executive functioning as a motivation thing. I have to keep reminding them that it's an issue for me regardless of how motivated I am to do something, and that increasing motivation isn't generally enough (and can sometimes backfire with demand avoidance). The one I had before this (to be fair it was before my adhd and autistic dx) just didn't understand it in general (they kept pressing on using physical planners under the belief it would broadly solve my executive dysfunction, which I kept telling them was the hardest version of any kind of planner for me to use), and the one before _that_ outright gave me the "everyone finds it hard to do things they don't like" line and added "your view of it doesn't matter, mine does" when I brought up that it impacted things I enjoy the same way. That was in the first session too 💀
It would be interesting to learn how stimulants affect these areas in particular. Which of these five areas can be strengthened even when you're not taking meds? Which areas can ONLY be improved with stimulants? Or are there any?
resource gap is my biggest problem, I can be like: Replace break discs on van, sure thing and 3 hours later it's done, then I can be like: Wash van, this should be way easier but then, can't find a sponge - wander around aimlessly for two hours - followed by give up and order pizza... ...ironically I could have gone out and bought a sponge and washed the van in those two hours but I didn't think of that because I was too busy thinking about trying to find a sponge
Is that rainbow fish on the shelf? Like. The children's book from the 90s early 00s with the shiny stuff on the scales on the pages? Rainbow fish? Anyone else remember that? Right up there with Stellaluna the bat?
I'm currently working on my Master's thesis. I *want* to do it, I want my degree. But it's not happening nearly as quickly as I feel it should. In part, it's the size of the task. It's overwhelming. I look at the 50+ pages I have so far, and I know it will likely be 2-3 times as long when finished, and it's a LOT. Part of the issue is dealing with external barriers. There's equipment I need to finalize my experiments that is currently broken, and until it's done, I can't finish writing. The other big barrier, and probably one of the biggest, honestly, is that I don't like the writing NEARLY as well as I like designing and running experiments. It's way more fun to do another experiment than it is to sit down and fight with the words that just don't come as easily.
I had to pause the video and take a moment to burst out crying during the perfectionism section. I've been pestering myself to record some new music since last July, but I still haven't done it and I couldn't figure out the problem until now. Even though I take a very lo-fi, punk influenced approach to my music and there are plenty of imperfections, I'm still terrified of my inner perfectionist beating me up for having to do take after take in order to get one without any glaring mistakes. And all because, of course, my adhd doesn't like to rehearse. And now, I'm seeing a possible solution ... view recording as rehearsing. Mistakes are the whole point of rehearsing, so they're allowed. Thank you :)
This definitely gave some insight into why I feel like such a bloody useless human at times, and why I often find myself staring blankly straight at a thing that I am supposed to do - FOR DAYS IF NOT WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS - without actually finally doing it. Right now, I literally have a box of Christmas ornaments on our kitchen island where I can't help but see it to remind me that I HAVE to decorate, damnit! Thank you as well for explaining why before I managed to get litterbox cleaning on a schedule (very two days, before bed, I had to connect it to the 'task' of bedtime,) the best method I had for remembering to muck it out was literally having the lid off of it so that I could SEE the clumps whenever I stepped into our foyer (my parents weren't fond of that.)
My teenager compares their working memory to the RAM stack of a computer and quips their's is only a couple of megabytes, so they have given themselves the nickname "Short Stack," though they are almost taller than I am.
I love your videos so much. And for someone who has autism and adhd and a partner with the same, most of the stuff is applicable to both. However part of me does wish there also was a how to autism channel ( AuDHD as some call it, because one wasn’t enough lol)
This video was so affirming! As a subset of don’t have the skills - is self confidence a skill? Maybe what I mean by that is perfectionism. And number 5!!! This is why I struggle with being always late! I think I have time for just “one more thing” before I go.
Everytime I watch one of your videos and you talk about forgetfulness I suddenly remember I need to do something, run off and then return 2 hours later to finish the video lol
Maybe it's not a motovation gap Is it: A. Skill gap B. Resource gap C. Perfectionism D. Forgetfulness - the goal, oosoom, uncued recall E. Overly optimistic thinking -positive allusory bia, adjust the goal/expectations, how many things are you trying to do Ramping up the motivation can help but it won't always work. Is it the right lever to pull? Can you build a rocket if I give you all the parts?
One ADHD parent (with some chronic fatigue issues on top, fun!) to another -- I wish I'd had kids in my 20s. Could I afford that at the time? I thought not -- turns out the economy would get WAY worse and there's never been a good time, but 15 years ago was holy shit so much easier. Parents were still alive too. (Girl I was with turned out not to be a stable human until she aged out of her 20s, now she's great. I'm told. Never want to see her again, and the thought of now having a 13 year old with her is mildly mortifying knowing what I know now. All that aside -- kids in my 20s with who I am with now would have been ideal.) #1 -- My 30s, I became TIRED. Kids are not fun when you're dead tired, and your 30s are for being a sleepy un-fun adult who goes to bed at 9:30pm. Children are the drunk people at the party, and want to go hard all night, deliriously talking at 30 miles and hour while throwing up all over the stuffed animals. #2 -- In my 30s, you get SICK AF. Your immune system, like your old sleep habits, are gone. Kids are a petri dish. Every virus, every bacteria, every fungus -- they lick them off the sliding glass door at the daycare, grocery store, and hospital floor. You will spend weeks of your year with lungs full of the Hexus from Fern Gully. Plans? Fuck your plans, we're improvising now. It's always time for jazz! #3 -- In my 30s, I am BORING. My friends are all adults with jobs, businesses, and big plans, and so am I. The 2020s+ have turned me into the 80s Comedy Dad who doesn't pay enough attention to his kids. I am Robin Williams in Hook. That movie was prophecy. And my kids, desperately need the lost boy in his 20s who can get down on his knees and play, instead of the exhausted old man they have. Let Blippy entertain them, he has the funny genes. #4 -- In my 30s, I lost all SOCIAL CONNECTION. There are moms groups and there are events in my community... they are not enough. Grandma is in her late 70s and disabled. Dad passed away. The rest of the older adults are dead or moved to nursing care. My friends who have kids at this age are all in the same boat. Social life for EVERYONE is fucked thanks to this era in our culture, but it's way, way worse if your family is elderly, deceased, or never was around in the first place due to politics, drugs, abuse,, religious issues, etc. Daycare is a corporate hellscape at 250$/week, on the cheap end where your kid won't die suddenly, you hope. I love my kids, and I wish I was still in my 20s to give them better. I THOUGHT I was doing them a favor by waiting. I was not. It was a delusion that better times were ahead. The best time is the time you have.
I'm struggling right now to get a report done for school. It's supposed to be long and there are so many aspects that I need to/want to include and I'm just overwhelmed with sources and wanting it to be great because it's a very important topic to me that I want to do justice. So, I just give up, every day. I sit at my desk for a bit, get extremely distracted after having done some work that isn't helpful but just give me the sense that I'm getting something done in the moment even though I'm not. I just don't know what to do.
Honestly... that's very relatable. I struggle with perfectionism and my video scripts a lot. Have you at least done a 'shitty first draft'? Because really it's rare for someone to actually write exactly what they're going to turn in first time out. I dunno if it'll help but I wanted to share one of the things that helped me during my book writing... and it was reminding myself of doing shitty first drafts (and sometimes 2nd and 3rd drafts.... but each new iteration got better and stronger until I got to the end result that I actually -am- proud of).
@@HowtoADHD Thank you so much for replying! It means the world to me. I'm trying to break it down into the smallest sections possible and then just get something down on the page to jump off of just like you said. There has to be a first draft no matter how terrible to be a starting point.
Can people with ADHD be reliable, mostly Organized and mostly good at executive functioning ? I got the diagnosis and am starting to think it's not adhd but something different
As a workplace coach, I was halfway through a session on memory strategies before we both remembered we had done that before!! ADHDers really shouldn't work together!!
I feel you on flailing around trying to do 15 things at once. I want to write code, and do computer sided design, and 3d print things, and work on cars, and play D&D, and play video games, and read a bunch of books, and learn a bunch of stuff from RU-vid, and keep up on tv shows and movies, and be successful, and maintain relationships, and be healthy, and build things, and know everything about rockets, and oh my god why am I falling apart??
Yes! I'm technically working (but I work at home and work on the day before a holiday is slow), but I want to be finishing a crochet project, baking a pie, reading three different books, playing video games, and I'm actually watching RU-vid videos instead. :)
I learned a long time ago that I am only capable of one or two things a day, honestly, or I overload. Currently I am considering some more school, and researching the history OSHA. I assure you I will not complete one of them, but it keeps me feeling accomplished (for moment.) The biggest issue, I know I can only do one or two things, but somehow begin twelve every single day.
Indeed! Funny how, for me they play off each other. No money is exhausting. Perfectionism is exhausting! And exhaustion leads to no money! Which leads to... I'm just so glad to know that supposed lack of motivation is not the issue.
I feel like I had an epiphany watching this video. I've always chalked up struggling to get things done as a lack of motivation even when the motivation was 100% there. Keeping these things in mind might make it easier to be kind to myself and address the barriers that are actually in my way instead of trying to get more motivated and force myself to jump over them.
Awwwwww I'm glad it could help!!! Yeah when motivation is the only thing we think it could be... it makes it easy to miss the fact there might actually be something else causing it.
Same here!!! I mean I knew exhaustion is an issue but I thought it was that I needed to keep up my motivation longer. Taking a walk earlier in the day never occurred to me but it is freaking brilliant
This is SO eloquently stated!!! I feel like you've given a voice to all my brain's attempts to explain to non-ADHD people why we can struggle over "easy" things. It's not that we don't care, it's not that we don't want to, it's not that it's not important! It's so incredibly hard to explain how we can get "stuck" or seem to do the opposite of what we insist we sincerely want to do! Thank you SO much for explaining this in a way that both ADHD and non-ADHD people can understand!
Heck to the yeah! You are surrounded by people who have no problem pointing out that what you say and what you do are different things and when you try to explain that you don't mean to and you struggle to organize and regulate your life, they will listen for a while, but then drown you with solutions and if you aren't using them like you should or you have another way of regulating that they deem ineffective for you, they will sometimes tell you what to do in every aspect of your life. They don't even realize how much they do it. While well-intentioned and out of love, it feels very annoying, especially when you are trying to manage as independently as you can the very thing that others notice as your deficit and sometimes treat as a cop-out based on the behaviors they see in you. Watch who you share your struggles with. While many people will love you and will be willing to help, their help may not always be helpful.
Having ADHD, and having had a brain tumour removed 3.5 years ago, my biggest problem in doing something is forgetfulness, not motivation. Where the tumour was, affected about 5-6 areas of my brain, and I'm still working on getting those in order... and there are things that I will never recall again. Right now, I know I need to do dishes, but forgot and got down a rabbit hole... so I'm now off to do dishes :)
I was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago at the age of 33, and I'm still trying to get my head around so much of it. The exhaustion definitely resonates, as today I was intending to do some laundry and some other self-care bits like washing my hair... I've slept most of the day after doing 2 days of work coz, I guess, I needed to recharge. But that hasn't stopped me feeling guilty for "wasting the day" even though realistically, I know rest is what my body and mind has needed today 🥲 This video couldn't have popped up at a better time, and your other videos have definitely been helping me navigate my diagnosis and experience. So thank you for sharing your experiences with us 💜
The difference between what my brain knows logically (rest is a right, not a reward) and how the douchey part of my brain judges me when I do feels like an exhausting tug of war internally. You are not alone and I'm glad you're here. Diagnosed at 34 and medicated as of the start of this year. It has been life changing. Knowledge is power. 💜
Omg! The guilt of wasting a day!!! When you are burnt out and really needed to pause for a few hours…that guilt is real & regular for me! 39 years old & only diagnosed a few months ago! I feel you ❤️
@@skbee6 I finished titration earlier this year after trialling 2 medications. Sometimes I still can't always tell if my meds are helping. Some days I can feel the difference to an extent. My therapist/consultant thinks they are, but I don't feel that "life changing" thing that I see a lot of people mention. So that leaves me questioning a lot too 😅 Knowledge is definitely power though, and has helped me make sense of a lot of "quirks" I have 🥰
I just got officially diagnosed with ADHD last week, and I’m 40. It still feels weird to say it. However, I feel sort of proud of myself. If I’ve had ADHD this whole time, then I must already have some good systems in place that have helped me before I had a name for my struggle. But hearing you articulate the different challenges in getting things done also helps me understand WHY my systems work. Knowing that a task I can’t do at night is easier in the morning when I have more energy is great. Knowing that I have more energy in the morning BECAUSE my brain is just burned out at night is gold. It’s not a matter of laziness or not caring; it’s resource management. And I can plan for that.
I just got diagnosed this year (at 41) as well. I always joked that I had ADHD, but it is good to have the actual diagnosis. It is nice to know that I’m not just “lazy.” There is a medical reason for my struggles. Now that I recognize what is actually going on, I can adapt and work around it. ❤
I was diagnosed last year at 52. Masking took a toll. It was frustrating to ask for help at 40 and being told that I didn’t meet DSM. Sadly, the unhealthy systems I leaned on interfered with my diagnosis and delayed finding healthier options.
Same here - just realizing at 43 but have clearly developed some good systems. The best thing about the ADHD label is now I feel I can find effective tools to help me in the places where my systems sometimes fail me, since now I know WHY I fail there.
I feel like it’s all connected: we don’t have the required skill to do something so we procrastinate to avoid failure (we all know that adhders have this fear of rejection and failing) so we never end up doing the thing
Totally agree! A perfect example was when I avoided playing "Capture the Flag" for ages in primary school and would choose to do quiet activities instead (because I wouldn't be judged and also because I know how to do them). Eventually a teacher made clear that -everyone- was going to play CtF, and I PANICKED and she was great, she asked why I didn't want to play and I said I didn't know how. Once she explained the rules, and I watched for a bit, I started to play and actually enjoyed myself a lot! It's a great game! (Yes I wrote this comment at the same time as listening to Jessica's video, hehehe). The same psychology applies to the reason I don't have a driver's license... 😕
The resource gap is such a debilitating issue. I could probably have gotten my horrible bedroom organized earlier but beyond having to figure out the best containers for the job, I have to buy a few at a time, and from what I can find at garage sales, discount stores, Goodwill, etc...anything anywhere else has to be the cheapest, or I have to be SURE I'm going to use it. Then I had to untangle ALL the issue I've been having (eating, medicine taking, bedroom, hygiene, etc) and figure out that I just need to focus on medicine/eating/hygiene for now to keep myself healthy and get energy in my body, starting with meal prepping...and only started meal prepping when I found a variety pack of Ziploc containers at a discount store and a website that tells me what I can make with what's already in my pantry. And also it took a week to start. 😂 Ugh. It's all overwhelming.
Yesss exactly. It can make something 'simple' suddenly very tedious because of all the steps involved of getting the resources we need. And it absolutely can get overwhelming for sure. I feel this in my soul.
Skill gaps are why I didn’t know how to care for my home as an adult. I knew some pieces, but not a lot of them. Listening to others on podcasts (audio and video ones) has helped me learn how to make things into a routine and easier for myself to do, so I’m more able to do things in my home care tasks. I don’t know about the etiquette of sharing the name of the other people, so will wait to be asked.
Feel free to share any podcasts or resources you've found helpful!! Podcasts sounds like such a great way to help with some skill gaps for sure and I never thought to use them for house care! That's really smart 😊
I added hearts to everyone’s posts to bring this up in your feeds, as I don’t know if you would get notified just because of my novel length reply. I don’t know if the S H E book is still in print or able to be found, I can get the ISBN and upc (if helpful) to help with finding it. The others have websites with their names, and I didn’t know where I was going with any of those things until the post was posted so I didn’t make any links.
A huge one for me is clarity. I need to know the end goal and I need to know the steps to get there. If I don’t then the motivation is ded. This is hurt my career a ton early on, but as I’ve gotten older it’s actually an asset. It forces me into healthier work patterns, and it serves as a warning sign. If something is “off” in a project my brain is sending alarms.
Yes! Clarity is absolutely another one and I'm so glad you brought it up! It's hard to move forward if you don't know what you're moving towards and can't see the steps in front of you.
To me, the hardest part on ADHD is in how when I “don’t want” to do something (but must do), it turns out that the level of difficulty goes waaaaaaaayyyyy up to the heavens, and im left like 🙂 Internal screams happen
This is good insight. Motivation is usually not my issue. It's usually a resource issue - namely, mental energy/willpower. I spend my workday masking my neurodivergence, and when I get home, I don't want to stifle my brain's natural tendencies any longer. However, those natural tendencies almost never lend themselves to truly constructive activities, like exercise, doing something creative, or working on a side hustle (so I can eventually be rid of that job). I'm trying to rework my day so I do those constructive things before I leave for work (i.e. before my mental energy reserves are depleted). So far, I've had great success on the days I manage to get up early enough to do so, but consistently getting up early means consistently getting to bed early... which requires willpower at the end of the day, when my tank is empty. I think I've probably only managed it 3 or 4 times in the month since I started trying. I'm not giving up yet, but it's definitely a significant struggle.
I feel you on this. I would be a much happier and productive person if I could get up earlier and do my own stuff before work while I have the energy, but going to bed early enough to enable that is nearly impossible. And chronic sleep deprivation from going to bed late and getting up early anyway doesn’t help with any kind of productivity!
Your info about coping with ADHD has been invaluable. And, that is a wonderful background. I wish my shelves were so organized. Like some people with certain characteristics, I notice everything in a video post. Keep posting. It has helped many times.
I noticed your shelves as well. But, hey I "get paid" to set up recording scenes like yours. I know the secret (for most of my "talent" I work with): don't tackle the whole darn room! Just let me and the team set up the background. For it all goes into the viewer's brain, whether they consciously realize it or not. "the medium is the message" and as a corollary to that, the background is also the "message." One one should ever speak into a camera with a calm voice and hopeful information if the background is chaos. The brain will sense the conflict immediately. Or... and this happens a lot, ADHD or not (but especially with ADHD) we *will not* listen to you until resolve the entire mystery of what the heck this or that is behind you. Example... is that, is it? Could that be?... yes! It's Dory! Perfect! Now I can listen. So cleaver! Details like Dory matter!!
Perfectionism was what was keeping me from starting my own channel. I finally realized I can learn as I go! And as I learn, if I want to re-do earlier videos, I can. It's so hard being a parent with ADHD and Autism. And my husband has ADHD.
@@Saforra99 thank you so much!! I have a 7 year old phone, and RU-vid is the only app that gives me grief trying to leave comments. Now that I'm starting my own channel, I think it might be time to learn a new phone that hopefully will last me another 7 years! I wish tech didn't move as quickly as it does! Thank you for your support of my fledgeling channel!! I'm trying to figure things out!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 Motivation *isn't always the key to getting things done; there are other factors to consider.* 01:10 Skill *gaps can hinder progress even if motivation is present; having the necessary skills is crucial.* 02:06 Sometimes *a lack of resources, such as energy, money, or support, can be the obstacle, even with motivation.* 03:27 Perfectionism *can prevent starting tasks due to a fear of not doing a perfect job, paradoxically hindering progress.* 06:10 Forgetfulness, *common in ADHD, can lead to tasks being forgotten, unrelated to motivation.* 08:30 Overly *optimistic thinking and unrealistic goals can impede progress, even with motivation. Adjusting goals may be necessary.* Made with HARPA AI
As a primary school teacher, the skill gap makes so much sense to me… it’s the first thing we think of: do they know how to do this thing? What’s missing for them that’s preventing them being successful? The perfectionism is a big one too…
Perfectionism... Well hello there, biggest challenge to finishing the podcast I'm working on. I think for me it's related to rejection sensitivity. I know intellectually that I'm never going to produce something that everyone in the whole world will like, but I feel this frantic pressure to make it so unbelievably awesome that no one will find fault in it and it can freeze me up solid sometimes. Then i just shrink back into more research and more writing because it feels safe, rather than reaching out to people i want to interview, or starting to record. Sigh.
I've stopped setting short-term goals. Pie in the sky is the most I can handle. Goals are the gateway to disappointment and shame. What else is getting in my way? I'm averse to things that are unpleasant. Commitments are unpleasant. Effort is unpleasant. Just... I don't want to make myself miserable.
Thanks for another great video. The overly optimistic thinking part really hit home. I end up over committing to things and feeling like a failure when I can't do them all. "How many things are you trying to do?" - might need to ask myself that several time daily!
I honestly started crying a bit while watching this. It's given me words for something I've struggled with for so long. I have the motivation to get some really big things done in my life, but motivation isn't the right lever to pull for me to get the stuff done.
the idea that we have unrealistic goals really peered right into my skeleton and drew on my bones or something. This is also the first time someone's said "your goals in high school were too ambitious and that's okay, you didn't know" instead of some version of "what did you expect" or "i can't believe you were serious about that" or even worse "you can totally do that" which then makes me feel worse about being nowhere close. thanks.
Sharing about your friend who you felt was the bar for reliability and conscientiousness really hit home for me. My fiancé wears a wristband daily he received at a memorial service for a friend that says "Because I Said I Would", which was a motto his friend lived by. My fiancé very much lives by that same principle, which is one of the reasons I love him so deeply. I often compare us, his competence vs. mine. It made my heart a little lighter to recognize I may be weighing myself down too much with crazy expectations of myself. 💜🥰
I get that on the daily. However, aside from ADHD. I also have been diagnosed with Wegener's (GRANULOMATOSIS WITH POLYANGIITIS). So, my energy level is extremely low. I struggle so much with adjusting to this new lifestyle. Planing has never worked for me. I've tried and failed so many times. But I'm still trying to get a handle. * I don't know how possible this is. But, could/ would you be able to discuss ADHD with autoimmunity involvement? I know you're not an MD. Because I find having both, depending on the diagnoses, is really difficult. Thank you for your time.
This video and many of yours are like explaining the things inside my mind that I cannot convey to my family properly and I am sending them links to these. I am 30 and never have been diagnosed with adhd but never tested for it. I’ve been too afraid for years to even talk to a doctor about it because of my anxiety. And sometimes thinking I am actually going insane. So while there is some comfort in seeing another person knowing how I feel like in your videos, it also makes me feel pretty sad and hopeless that I won’t be able to do the things I have set as goals for myself in life and reach my ambitions. I feel broken
