STUFFED: The Unintended Result of Our Attachment to Personal Belongings | Matt Paxton | TEDxBethesda 

I love Fiesta Dishes!

Thank you for doing this! Fiesta dishes always remind me of my grandma. She loves antiquing and completing sets. But now she is paring down her possessions and giving things away. She sells a lot of them to antique stores. The joy is forwarded instead of sitting in an attic!

Yea

That’s the joy and satisfaction of donating items we cherish, but know we’ll no longer use. Others will definitely use and treasure them!

Decluttering is about having more functional living space. Instead of every room in the house used for storage

that might be true for some but its not universal truth I can say for sure. I have always been somewhat of a mimalist and I currently live in a 198 sq foot travel trailer. However, I also do not remotely give a damn about getting close to others, family or otherwise. I dont know the psychology of hording (my mother is a classic horder) but I am convinced its not a matter of function, its a matter of psychology, i just dont know what that psychology is

Your really smart !👍🏼

Could be the stuff is a deliberate barrier to relationships designed to distance from family

@@WillBockovenCRE yes plus i think he is right too, ppl buy stuff to make up for time. See this with busy younger couples, which I can understand, but they overdo it and I think they dont realise they are doing it. They literally dont stop to think about it or maybe wont think about it....and there you have the deliberate barrier.

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 It really does feel wonderful to donate and get rid of things. True freedom!!!

Proud of you!

But it’s also something special and practical to those who appreciate it and would use it. Having the whole family at one table with the food laid out so no one has to get up, wakes, surgeries, harvesting, canning, processing meat after a hunt...

My mother in law just passed away and we had to dole out her things. All the grandkids picked out what they wanted but they never made a dent. I realized it was because they didn't have the memories that went with all the stuff. Sure they ate from the good dishes but they weren't the ones that saw her face when she was gifted a piece at a time because it was the only way to afford it. Her kids remember that, not the next generation.

@@42ayla the thing for some of us is, we don't have the space, and it doesn't suit our lifestyle, but we still have the memories- I don't need an item for that

❤

It seem to me that you are probably buying too much of what you don't need or use only short term. In my national culture, this is considered rude, uncultured and as any other wasteful habit, a sign of bad upbringing, poor education, lower intelligence and overall bad mannerism.

@@a_l_e_k_sandra It's amazing how different our various cultures are. I love that we get to learn more about each other and use that to make the world better, as a whole and individually. Some cultures frown on flaunting opulence and wastefulness while others thrive on it. Not so much a lack of intellect or education but social mores that people feel the need to adhere to.

yes. The Why question is status and property valve, the trap is that one will want to fill those rooms with more stuff. I dont know the psychology behoind hording but I guess is that its culture does not have a mythology that works for the world we live in, so we look for reasons of the world, universe and everything and the only structures giving us 'answers' is advertising.

I want space to be creative, be able to make a mess cooking / painting / puttering... fixing without worrying about fancy white rugs / furnishings which I don't care for & don't own All the houses out here in GTA (Toronto-Mississauga-Hamilton area) are being bought up by PROFITEERING MANAGEMENT COMPANIES & made into slick STERILE LIFELESS CHARACTERLESS white / grey apts I want a big space to dance & move freely 👣 I want a big space to SHARE with others where we can ALL come TOGETHER & LIVE & LOVE & PLAY Cook eat & dance & play together I wish we were more truly collectively connected & considerate & collaborative Possible solution oriented ideas/ examples: Neighbourhoods could get ONE seated grasscutter/ lawnmower & take turns doing lawns (get rid if all the extra lawnmowers) Same goes for the power tools sitting idle most of the time Get back to sharing amongst one another TOOL & INSTRUMENT SHARING LIBRARIES are AWESOME!!! Refill stations for toiletries & cleaning products so we can STOP making disposable plastic containers Or Better yet: learn how to make our own non-toxic natural toiletries & cleaning solutions! We could have communal gardens = Instant child & senior care by default of proximity & connection & caring involvement Sooo many things we can do to make our lives easier, more fun for ALL & less dependant on the growing systemic monsters taking over (banks-governments- agro biz-farmasuitacullers-degrading & destroying & polluting mama earth diggin up fossil fuels & making mire single serving plastic take-out containers & delivery packages...) It's NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. It's getting Back to BASICS, BACK to NATURE & NATURAL WAYS of LIVING & BACK to COMMON SENSE & COMMON CARING for Ourselves, Our Planetary🌍 Host Home & Each other. 💖💞

When I was a teenager I found a picture of a really hot guy in his army gear and asked my mom who it was. It was my dad. I wasn't sure whether to say 'Ick' or 'Way to go mom'.

I have ADHD and m currently having a massive de clutter because it’s so stressful having loads of stuff

intresting. I am a minimalist but I do not have that condition, but oddly my mother is a class horder, as in she could almost be qualified to be on that show...like very close, make a path to the bedroom level stuff. I live in 198 sq feet with some room to grow, she does not

@@SorchaRattigan I also have ADHD and am having such a hard time trying to figure out how to minimize. I'm doing it... but slowly. It's hard.

As someone with manageable ADHD, I feel this. I've found that I'm not very sentimental. I recently decided to take on a new hobby. . . you know how it goes. But as part of the process I've thrown out, given away, and donated everything from the "OLD hobby." It feels so good. My friends see the value in all the stuff I got rid of. I see the freedom.

@@DigitalCasm Thank you for your comment.. I am Aspie with ADHD but also cptsd (over-active nervous system from traumas) & overly sentimental... your words really chimed with me, and helpful, esp "it feels so good" and "My friends see the value in all the stuff I got rid of. I see the freedom."... THAT will be my mantra now.. as Matt Paxton says, the 'does it spark joy?' approach doesn't really work for hoarders. Ironically I do love things in order, tidy, clean. Hope you're loving the new hobby.. and or the next one.. so many fun & enriching things to explore & learn... Blessings & gratitude 🙏🤗🤩

Interestingly, Joshua Becker of the Minimalist home etc got started in the same way ie with his son coming to him every half hour as he was clearing out the garage to ask him (Dad) to play with him. G Ire

Love this! Matt is a hero and very inspirational!

I heard a talk once about how money can make you happy if you use it to buy time or experiences instead of stuff. Way too true. When my girls were little we'd take them camping and I remember the one time they were crying because they'd enjoyed it so much they didn't want to leave. I've made lots of mistakes as a parent but for that trip I ruled.

It's so funny because in Va. Beach we thought of Richmond as the city, almost northern.

thats a great mantra! i believe he seems ok physically as well, but I do believe that sometimes worrying about your weight can be a good thing. For example i didnt care about my weight (because I was a bit overweight which was fine by me) but I had to have knee surgery and weight became an issue for my recovery, I had to become very aware of it, more then I would like to, but at the same time, gave me a new north, so being aware of weight is not always related to someone hurting you, sometimes its just a little post it note that you place there for a good reason. I am excluding from this comment of course the subject of body dismorfia, anorexia and bulimia which are terrible, but I like to believe there are more reasons out there for things to influence us then any common belief. Hope you have a good one, greetings from Santiago, Chile!

Ñ

Those that matter DO mind if they care about your health.

No Grace, I think he looks like a big Cuddly bear AND I THINKHE LOOKS JUST FINE

Thanks mr. rogers

Same

oddly (at least in my experience) hording is not generational specific as I would think (because of reason you mention). my mother is horder, I am a miminalist. I was born in 1967. someone suggest its a phycology of feeling safe. I think it could be that in some cases (I think it is for my mother) but overall I think its a failure to appreciate something without the need to 'own' it.

@@SEANMCAD It can be many things... Health setbacks -> loss of income -> loss of earning capacity => insecurity triggered = FEAR -> leads to HODL (Hold On For Dear Life) -> attach meaning to things -> identify with things -> continue to HODL -> Overwhelm = Don't have the strength &/or wear-with-all clarity to change to do anything differently = VISCIOUS CYCLE

@@birgip.m.1236 This is so True. Thank you for sharing. Hoarding, Collecting and Holding On can all be Trauma responces. Yet We as humans all have a natural instinct to HUNT for and GATHER what is necessary to sustain Life for our Selves and our families. Being Prepared for the future is important. We need water, food, first aid supplies, clothing and shelter. Sometimes those natural instincts to hunt and gather get waylaid along the way. It is easy to get distracted by shiny objects at garage sales, thrift stores and flea markets. Time goes by and Somehow all that Treasure hunting adds up to a house full of objects. It is surprising how quick it can happen as anyone who has ever helped an elderly Loved One to sort through their lifetime accumulation of objects well knows.

"...slowly rehome these items..." What a lovely plan! Because absolutely most of our valuable (to us) collections will just be discarded when we are no longer here to care. Selling or just giving the stuff to someone who will appreciate it will serve a double purpose: liberate us and give others pleasure.

@@52Ivan53 I think one of the psychological problems we face after accumulating a massive horde of no longer used possessions is that it can become a daunting task to sort through everything. The reason I suggest slowly rehoming these things is to keep it from becoming overwhelming and giving up. Just do a little at a time. It has now been almost 7 years since my last move - and I still have ~ 100 boxes that I never reopened after that move! I'm not living in the past, I still buy new things - it's just that now I want purchases to have a use other than being neat or to add to a collection.

Same

This is so true! I was a military kid then a military wife. My stuff was my "home" for almost 43 years. And I kept EVERYTHING. Then he retired and now 6 years later I have ALL of those years of THINGS to get rid of.

I am a military kid, too. Thank you for sharing bc this makes sooo much sense. We didn't grow up in one house or place for our childhood so our stuff is "home". Hearing that really helps give me grace. My husband grew up in the same house and has such an easier time of letting go. I always wondered why but thankfully his ways are starting to rub off on me and I am letting go of the "stuff" one box at a time.

@@cds8249 I have just started to purge things during the pandemic. I found that having someone with me to listen while I told the story of the item helped me to let go. I'm glad this perspective was helpful. 💜

@@briannemurdock4183 I find myself doing that, too. Good providence as you continue letting go of things and moving forwards.We will reach our goal one donation box/bag at a time!

​@briannemurdock4183 Your need for talking about the stuff that you are looking through is very significant to me. I have been asking my family for years now, who complain about my boxes, (which are currently stacked in my living room, bedroom and a storage unit) that I need someone to talk to while I go through those boxes. I feel that they are the record of my life, and to go through them alone is very lonely. I feel quite lonely anyway most of the time, and to take on another exhausting task which will bring on more loneliness is something that I have been unable to do. I am thinking about hiring someone to come in and help in this process. It's not ideal, but will probably need to happen. I am almost 80 years old.

But that's not all you have, you have you and a new life. It can take some effort to move along but I know you can do it. Call or visit your kids once in awhile. If that's not an option then volunteer somewhere, maybe with kids that need a friend. Get together with your own friends or a local group. Pull the items from the closet, take pictures of the important ones then donate them to another kid that can benefit from it. 💖You still have so much to give, your kids being grown doesn't change that.

I hear you.

I can relate. I know I am trying to fill the voids with things that remind me and hold warm memories of those that are gone. Hard to let go.

Really enjoyed this! 😊🙏💙

i tired ti figure out if there is a term for those of us always trying to have bare minamum. if even a litte to much build up i get axiouse!!! fortunatly i have two neighbors that will take anything!!!! but then they complain about having to much grap, alot of my grap !! LOL but if the line at good will is to long it is either they take it or i toss no guilt. i love purging!!! i am very minamulism mean i have less to care for and less to clean, and then have more time for other things that realy matter, and save money.

That's why I don't want to get rid of stuff ... sigh ....

Common sense, not emotions, will correct this. It is foolish to get rid of anything randomly without thought. My mantra is "If I don't absolutely love it, will use it or display it, then I don't want it in my house". If I get rid of ANYTHING, I won't buy it again, so I have to be sure I am not going to need it in my life.

To just give directly to someone who needs it is awesome !!

agreed, michael, re the superficiality; no bore at all!

Here’s what I tell people: “ I gave myself a raise today.” Since I am retired, they look at me quizzically. “How so?” Then I drop my pearl. “I quit vaping.” Or “I did not buy that designer bag I love so much.”

Yes! When the guy said that we get stuff to tell the stories we aren't telling verbally....possessions are like nonverbal armor that protect us and I influence the way people view us. It's a way of marketing ourselves to people who hopefully are like minded and can support us, and us support them. Possessions are an extension of ourselves that speak a story about what communities we are compatible with

I would sweetie but I through all the paint out🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Seen it. The man was a sage. RIP

And there’s alway going to be people on the sidelines pushing for a speedy “de cluttering” and minimalist lifestyle for those who don’t have security, are unsure of it, and the non 1% elders, so that they can step in and profit from it or because they find it bothersome. I find that occasional Döstädning is very helpful and therapeutic with my clients of all ages and is less crass and wasteful.

EXACTLY

@@jeannestandley-kinata824 Looks like we found the historian.

There's thousands of cloud services for that.... Scan the photos.