Shopping in a public setting with companionship is very different than sitting at home alone scrolling through store webpages and purchasing online. The ability to shop without leaving your home adds to the growing isolation people are feeling, especially if the only one holding you accountable (single) is yourself. We shop to get an endorphin boost. My bottom dropped out when I learned I was in major debt. This channel is like my therapy now. Holding myself accountable.
About time people realised the plan is to keep everyone in debt (hence depression) with the constant need to keep up with the Joneses - it's a perpetual feeling that to better ourselves we need 'things' where the opposite is actually true! Stop comparing, over consuming, over shopping, competing, learn new skills, get outdoors, become self-sufficient and hang out with likeminded people! You are a clever girl with an even smarter mum! lol
It's weird that I've seen this today. I got diagnosed with stage 3 cancer two years ago. After six months of surgery and chemo, I then got into luxury shopping. It's given me short term happiness and long term, not that much. Luckily I can sell stuff but will probably lose a bit of money. I'm keeping one vintage chanel bag. Everything else is going. I felt I had zero control going through my illness and this has really pinpointed why I went into such a ridiculous spending spree. It was ludricrous. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this video, it means a great deal!
I absolutely agree with you that online shopping dramatically changed "retail therapy". When I remember retail therapy in the past, it was always coupled with spending a day or several hours with close friends or my mom or sister. The act of doing something enjoyble together with loved ones, laughing, sharing about your lives, was probably more beneficial than the shopping itself. That's why window shopping was so popular in my teens. Sitting alone on your couch with your phone in your hand simply does not have the same effect.
Before the internet I think retail therapy sort of was. I was usually hanging out with friends at the same time and didn’t buy nearly as much stuff. It didn’t involve the aggressive manipulation of social media either.
You know, you’re very good at tackling this subject Caitlin. For most people it’s tied up with a lot of shame, regret and anxiety, you manage to shine a light on it gently. So, I too am a problem shopper. I have pretty much reached the limit to what I want to let into my home. Like you I need to cull more than buy. I try to gamify money now. I set achievable financial goals and make it a fun mental game to reach them. For example, I MUST max out my Super non concessional contributions (I make this an obsession). I also put my shopping and research skills to buying stocks. Many companies issue investor presentations via online videos etc. I listen and follow sensible financial influencers. If I win the game that year, I let myself go a little silly and buy things I don’t need (i.e. Chanel limited edition blush costing $100). I try to chase physically small items that need to be consumed (make up, Haircare, trainers etc).
I worked in a drugstore for several years. Almost thirteen xd and now I am the worst kind of customer. I have seen so many shopping addicts and so many examples of over-consumption that I have learned my lesson. I like to buy things and I like to use them, but over the years I've become a minimalist when I've seen that people want more and more, but they can't even consume that much product (100 lipsticks or 250 pairs of shoes). So now I need a big reaserch, a few months of thinking "do I need this?" and a lot of time spent in the store looking at the things I want to buy, because I like my hard-earned money. I don't want to regret the money spent. My last expensive purchase was Chanel nail polish. It took me two months and three visits to Sephora to make a decision. But now I only have one dark polish, so I wanted to buy something perfect for me. It's also because I like my home space. I don't want to clutter it with random things that don't bring me joy, just an empty account.
Something that really helped curb my excessive spending was creating a folder and saving the items that I wanted instead of hitting that check out button. If I kept thinking about the item after a few months and felt like it really served a purpose or need in my life, I'd go back into the folder and look for the item
I think calling it retail "therapy" and believing it to be equivalent to actual therapy is where the mistake lies. Retail therapy is a form of distraction. That's why it can feel helpful while you wait for a loved one to come out of surgery. Sometimes a distraction is necessary, and recognizing it for what it is can keep you from falling into a trap
My opinion on this is: if you end up feeling guilty for buying an Item, you probably didn't have the money to splurge on it in the first place. If buying a 2,000 dollar hand bag leaves you with 0 money, in debt, or living paycheck to paycheck, in my humble opinion, you'd be living beyond your means. Same goes for items that people return because they need the money back.
A cup of coffee with a friend is more effective than retail therapy as I have found out to my cost! It's so easy to be pulled down into the storm of shopping. For me it was arts and crafts supplies that I somehow thought I couldn't live without - but they are still in storage boxes never having been used.
Im the fashionista in my friend group. My friends don’t have the time or energy to shop. When they need clothes for work or a special occasion we all go out together and I act as stylist for the day. I’m so busy shopping for my friends I don’t even look for myself. And it’s SO rewarding to see them happy with the end result. And we have a great day together. Maybe it’s not “retail therapy” because we’re shopping for something my friends need, but it’s the only shopping that makes me feel great. FYI I’m a (recovering)shopping addict who will buy online at 3am because I can’t sleep. You are 100% correct that before online shopping it was good that us addicts were limited by opening hours of physical shops, etc
Retail therapy helped with my boredom. It wasn’t until I was swamped in useless things in my home during the pandemic that I realized the anxiety and stress excess stuff brought me. Fast forward to today, I have sold 230+ items on eBay and Poshmark. I took those funds and bought a Chanel mini flap bag. I still love shopping, but my mindset has shifted for the long term. I believe social media has ramped up the feeling of missing out and keeping up.
I am old enough to remember how we used to shop in the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s. When I used to go to the mall with friends, I spent less money because I was busy “hanging out”. I may have lunch or a beverage and buy one lipstick from the MAC counter, but we didn't do any “hauls”. Now it's so easy to shop and overspend.
Everything you said is 💯 true and on point! I would shop when I was bored or when my bipolar depression hit it was soooo bad. When I started to focus on why I’m buying useless things I don’t love is when I was able to stop buying mindlessly. I think it starts with being honest with yourself and holding yourself accountable without being overly harsh on yourself. It takes time to unlearn bad habits and behaviors 💜
Listening to music and finding new music is my therapy. When I find a new band I go down the rabbit hole HARD 😅😅 I even forget to eat sometimes and the best thing is finding out they’re actually on tour and I can get tickets
💯 agree. My trigger is boredom. But once I get into my hobby i was not as interested in the items anymore. Now I just leave things in the cart a bit longer, if I still love it few weeks later then I will buy it. It’s hard to breakaway from fashion and trends completely but I definitely have improved
Retail therapy should always have been written as "retail therapy" because it's not actually therapy, it's a tongue-in-cheek capitalist remark that has been taken WAAAAAY out of context so now that people genuinely believe (really!?) that shopping is actually good for people!!!! Society at large seems to have forgotten the art of critical thinking. Are there people out there that really believe "retail therapy" is real and they're benefitting themselves in some way emotionally or mental health-wise? I'm genuinely shocked that this is a thing haha.
I agree that shopping can be addictive especially with easy credit and social isolation. I did a little shopping today, i limited it to 3 items of clothing, then bought groceries. In the past, 've spent more i think it was anxiety. I'm being treated for that now so it's easier to stop and think before i buy vs. Shop til i drop or the card maxes out. Thanks for all you do. ❤
Theres a GIANT difference between retail therapy and actually investing in self care (like allowing yourself to spend money on yourself because your worth it).
I always hated this term & I always hated how it’s portrayed in the media….especially with women. It felt like a more female focused of “let’s goto the pub / grab a can” after the male character encountered some problem (not women don’t goto the pub but I’m talking traditionally in media here)
Loving this new content. I’ve only just now subscribed to watch your channel and you truly are a breath of fresh air. Boredom scrolling is real and can cost me 100s of dollars which is just crazy saying out loud
Omg I so feel and understand u about ur little furry friend having gone through surgery. I still have tears remembering my kitty being sick. It’s hard when they become such close dear ones to us! I also didn’t fall for retail therapy thing and honestly thought it was a joke… cause it never felt like one at the end for me…. Anxiety over spending and buying too much most of the times. Ur videos r so eye opening for me thank you 🙏🏼
i engaged in retail therapy today. but i feel like i did it in a good way. i went to Nordstrom Rack, clear the rack event with the focus of getting 1 pair of white jeans, 1 pair of black jeans, and maybe some dresses. i came out with 1 pair of black jeans and 3 knit dresses. i felt pretty good as i focused on clearance items only since those during clear the rack are an additional 25% off and on top of that i have a 20% discount. so my 4 items came out to 45% off each. i feel that if you are going to engage in retail therapy, do it with a list/focus on what you want and like you said a budget.
I've actually become friends with someone that is an "influencer" and we have discussed at length how obsessed people are with shopping and how we both need to dial it back. So I guess it's not all bad! LOL But I totally see where you are coming from, it's all about that momentary dopamine hit, but then the reality/buyers remorse/what the heck am I going to do with this hits and it's gone from a positive to a negative. Great subject Caitlin! Perhaps the solution is for those trying to cut back to be more selective on who they follow and to get a nice balance of channels in their subscription list? I know over the past year, I was stuck at home due to an injury and then surgery and I found myself shopping a lot more than what I normally would because I couldn't do much of anything else.
Struggling with impulsive spending? I created a free 14 day journal with prompts to help you start the process towards mindful spending, heres the link! fourteendayjournal.myflodesk.com/2553181e-34cc-4be8-9fe4-599721e98ddd Happy journalling!
Yes. About 15 years ago, while in graduate school, my final thesis group project torpedoed into failure. I went on a walk, and found myself in a Louis Vuitton boutique, and saw a very lovely overnight bag. I thought, "will buying this bag (a sign of financial accomplishment) make me feel like my life isn't in the toilet?" The answer was yes, and I have subsequently used that bag on every overnight and weekend trip since, and every time I take the bag out to pack it up on an adventure, I feel absolutely fabulous.
I do my retail therapy at thrift stores and extreme discount stores. It gives me a rush to find a good bargain, and each time I go to wear the item, I remember how much of a bargain it was, and I get happy all over again. Plus, it is always within my budget.
I could feel your pain when you were talking about most stressful event, in your life, poor Flynn, happy that he is ok 🙏Boy it brought me memories that i dont want. Imagine to experience that of fear loosing your husband. 3 icu’s in the last 13 years, now those moments at first me made me not wanting to do anything, to the point that my husband were saying, why dont you go get your hair done. I could not eat or sleep nothing i care for in life. But internet did his job. Once all settle down in my living normes, after quitting my business, and becoming 100% caregiver/nurse/ doctor/ nutritionist, i still had some time on my hands, especially if everything is going well, we planning future, working on amazing future things, my imagination started going get wild, and i started shopping, and ah how i was relieved i was escaping my present, and living in my future. It is addictive, its for the same reason i never buy or make some gourmet cookies . Like if i buy 1lb , you rest assure i will eat all. So i am very healthy eater, and even then i can have only a few if i decide to let myself have. 😳🤪😂 if not is a disaster. Now i havent shopped for about a month, because i am working on my investment. Its hard it feels strange, but i was ok. I am very good in mathématiques, so i counted already when my goal is going to be reached , as what i thought, and yesterday , i almost got a fit, when my husband told me, its not what i thought…. I dont know how , because i can count numbers and % with my eyes closed…. So frustration and anger i had, that he misled me…., and its not easy to deal with type A personality man, as it is. I try to show him my numbers, and he is like you dont know nothing about investments, you just spending …. It was bad, i needed special tea to calm myself down, and realize that i am not be able to shop a few months longer. Its such a addiction . I am just happy that something is stopping me. 🙏 hopefully that will make me more wiser in my future purchases 🙏 Have a blessed day🙏❤️
How insightful! I'm proud of you, Caitlin! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Would you say your therapist helped you formulate a plan on recovering from your addiction? Or was it mostly on your own?😊
I'm realising that impulsive shopping for me is also coming out of - loneliness (I'm single, and generally dont mind it, but my friendships now that I'm 29 are not that emotionally close anymore as in my early 20s, because most of my friends are in relationships and have someone to be emotionally really close to and I think dont feel the need to have that in friendships as much as I might have it), - boredom & habit (watching netflix/RU-vid with my phone in my hand) - a wish for change ("when I have this then I will look good and feel more comfortable"). It's also crazy how sometimes I KNOW that I should press the "buy now" button, because I'm overspending by doing so, but I do it anyways? I'm still trting to get rid of my way of thinking that I adapted from social media, but really..It's quite a bit of work..
East return is my downfall. I always buy 10 items and return 9. It is an endless cycle of buying and returning. I never got into consumer debt because I paid off cards monthly (I have only 2; one for Amazon, grocery, and non retail purchases, and one for only retail purchases).
I have never understood all this influencer stuff but I never go on social media. I make my own decisions about what I buy and when. I also get the majority of my clothes through thrifting - jumble sales, car boot sales, charity shops and online auctions. It never fails to amaze me what people donate or sell, high fashion and brand new. I have formal cruisewear that cost me £1.00. When I go to the shops unless I really need something I wait until the end of the sales. I was trained at my dad's knee, as a child I used to accompany him to Jermyn Street in London at sale time where he picked up top quality clothes for practically nothing because he was short and portly so they were the clothes that got left to the sales.
My personal receipt to cope with retail therapy. I have a list of things I need, but never want to invest time in. So shopping mood is spent on unpleasant shopping. For example, I needed storage cubes for my upper wardrobe shelf. But it was so boring to choose and buy those cubes. So I did that unpleasant shopping in the best shopping mood and the wish to spend money. The result: I bought wonderful matching cubes in IKEA, for little money spent (in comparison with shopping in an expensive high fashion shop).
Ok so l just want to tell everyone thank you so much, year's ago when I was raising my kids l could not afford to shop. If there is any silver lining here it is that l could go to the thift store down the hill from the seven million dollar homes and buy designer everything for about 8.00 each (not now). Your fabulous shopping habit gave me enough happiness to keep going.
I hit rock bottom when I realized I was living paycheck to paycheck because the minimum payments on my credit cards plus the amount of mindless shopping I did ate up all my money after rent and bills. I was not even a high end shopper except for makeup, but I downloaded my statements for the last year and added up how much I spent on almost daily Amazon purchases, at least weekly Target hauls etc., and it was sickening. It sounds a little trivial but I was even overspending at the grocery store, I would throw everything in the cart rationalizing that it’s a necessary expense, but it was easy to spend an extra $200 more than I needed a week which adds up to $800 a month, and every week I would throw out a huge amount of wasted food. I decided to go cold turkey. I have a set amount each week for personal spending, and only buy what I really need. I only buy something if it’s something I truly need and am actually out of. I’m targeting my credit cards starting from the smallest balance one and I find it satisfying to watch the balance go down, and to be able to make extra payments when I have extra money at the end of the month now that I’m not overspending.
I am sorry for that emotional moment you've been through with your little baby 😍I think it is made on purpose to not talk about overconsumption, because shopping and especially women's shopping habits are what keeps most of the economy alive. And those companies that make products we buy, pay influencers, social media, mass media to advertise their products, so of course, those channels will not talk about the danger of overspending and the mental issues it triggers in consumers. It is the opposite, the more we buy, the more they get paid and more campaigns they make with those brands.
I had no idea that people thought that “retail therapy” was not ironic. Shopping is not therapy and the concept of “retail therapy” was meant to describe an addiction not a positive activity.
I think post covid changing from 5 day city office based to 5 days working from home has shifted my shopping habits 😅 i now dont need 95% of the clothes, shoes, bags, makeup from my collection. Time to sell sell sell and put my $ into my savings 🎉
To me this concept of retail therapy is a little strange.... It is like everything, with moderation and base on your priority for the future, you can be "discipline" on your spending. Now with the over consumption of everything and dupe/cheap, we are losing focus on your priority.
I had a room mate in college in the 1990's who was going through a tough time and she engaged in retail therapy (I did not know what it was at the time). After classes, she would get into her car and come back with random groceries and other items. She had drawers full of striped T-shirts and 20 pairs of identical ankle boots. But indeed, having to drive to the store (meaning you could not do that while at work or while in class), physically filling a shopping cart, and having only access to local merchandise limited the amount of money she spent and the amount of stuff she accumulated.
@@youheartmel but it is.. the rich has other problems to deal with like their investments, businesses and how to get even richer… in the process of course they face other issues not the regular people have… but shopping and retail therapy is not. They can afford shopping and so shopping and retail therapy isn’t toxic for them. The regular shoppers who worries about their credit cards, and putting themselves in debt and seeing their savings substantially drops after a purchase but also see social media people keeps buying the next “it” thing and craves for that way of life while knowing they can’t really afford that lifestyle… now that’s how it becomes toxic. Some people don’t see their items as clutter or money sitting in the closet but actual collection that they can afford to keep and display in their home. At the end of the day, everybody is going through something but in reality there are people who doesn’t consider shopping toxic simply because they have the money for it.
I think it can still be toxic… being able to afford it doesn’t mean it is a good value or use of money. It can also warp your perception of money, who deserves what, etc. Plus it’s still not a replacement for therapy and self-work.
@@emiliabolsas Again, my comment pertains to those who can afford to live a certain way. People buy art to hang in their homes and literally sit there. That doesn’t mean it replaces therapy or self worth…. Just so happens they are in the position in life that they can afford to do this and not worry pay check to pay check how they are able to keep this. As i said earlier, this greatly differs the regular shoppers who shops out of emotions and uses “yolo” as an excuse to shop and will put themselves into debt or worry about their credit card bills. Some people don’t actually have to worry about those things but they have of course other problems too but its just that shopping isnt. I am not going to respond anymore on comments about how its not healthy etc as it reflects how the persons lifestyle is and not the actual rich people i am pertaining about. So again, doesn’t mean the rich has no problems but just that they have OTHER problems not shopping. Also i wanted to add, that it is really disturbing how people judge other people how they spend their money especially the rich who doesn’t feel how regular shoppers feel. How sure are you that they feel or think the same way as you. Not because the things you purchase or have purchased is or was a burden for you and created issues for you doesn’t mean its the same for everybody. Who are we to say they have a “problem”… the way you think and say about people you have no idea how they live and spend their money on speaks more about your personality than them. Just puzzles me how others worries so much about how other people spend their money and turn it into something negative just to feel good about themselves. That is not healthy for those who keeps speaking for other people. You do you and focus on yourself. Worry about your personal issues or experiences and maybe best to refrain from speaking on behalf of others.
Thank you for another great video on an important topic. I never thought of the time change and how easy it is to get into unhealthy shopping nowadays. From my perspective, someone who was born in the 80s in central Europe, I got overwhelmed in my adult life with the options and affordability of clothes or goods every day. I can see the exact mechanism in my friends' behavior. It took me a while to notice it was getting out of control, and especially when I was tired or angry or frustrated, scrolling through clothes just seemed to relax me, and buying made me happier for a second. But then I felt guilty and overwhelmed with stuff I did not need as much as I thought. It was a quick fix. I am better at controlling it now, but I still need to be extra careful when I'm tired to not do things on autopilot. Thank you, Caitlin, for another fantastic video 😄
