The #1 REASON You're Single & Can't FIND LOVE... | Robert Greene & Lewis Howes 

I grew up with a very cold father. To this day Ive never been in a long term relationship. Its not that Im not open, or loving, or feminine, but I do feel theres something missing that would explain why Im always overlooked. People who have loving parents have no idea how much their parents have set them up for success beyond just health, education, stability.

When he mentioned that how a male internalizes his mother's attributes to what he desires in a woman - struck a chord with me because one day my husband said to me..." Our son is so lucky, I wish I had a mother like you". I am a widow now, but I see via this interview why he said that. That's Beautiful !

Most don’t know what love is in the first place because it was never experienced in the arms of their mother and father.

Most people wont let themselves be vulnerable anymore

Please don't have kids till you heal please. Childhood is the most important part, you either raise a healthy humans or broken humans. Heal first!!!

Lewis is a fascinating interviewer. He asks a lot of questions that are somewhat "unsophisticated" on the surface, but over the course of the interview it encourages Robert to develop and fully explain his ideas in a very clear way. It's almost as if he's teaching Lewis, as opposed to being interviewed by Lewis. Very different from most interviewers on RU-vid, who seem to want to one-up their interviewees.

The biggest privilege in life, bigger than being wealthy or anything else is having loving parents.

I have no desire to be married, I never have for as long as I can remember. I watched my parents argue almost everyday and when I moved out at 18 yrs. old I remember the peace I felt bec. of the quietness! I do love companionship. I have male and female friends. I love coming home from work to a quiet home of peace! I enjoy going out , traveling, doing what I want to do when I get ready.

I hope everyone finds love and learns to love themselves...

We subconsciously want to relive our childhood traumas through the people we pick for relationships so we have more chances to correct it. If we don’t figure out the lesson then we’ll just keep reliving the same situation through multiple relationships. Once you learn what you were meant to learn, that issue will magically disappear from your life forever.

love at first sight = falling in love with a person’s energy right away when you interact

The process of self awareness is seeking truth, forgiveness and growth. Robert, is such a divine soul.

“Do what you did in the beginning of the relationship, and there won’t be an end.” Tony Robbins Great panel discussion! Love Robert Greene! I soak up his material. I feel when I step out into the world it gives me an edge. I could listen to him all day. I’d love to see him and Dr. Jordan Peterson together on a platform. I think my brain might explode! Lol Great stuff! 🙏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💪🏻😍

I’ve watched so many Robert Green interviews because I find his ideas fascinating, but damn you’re a great interviewer!! You ask all the right questions. It’s awesome 👏🏻

I did all this- as the female. I was the one doing all the work, doing for them, asking and understanding and working hard, being every thing they said they wanted. They gave me crumbs in return- when they thought I was leaving. They came to me for parenting and once they felt better about themselves- they didn’t just leave- they destroyed.

I settled for too less, abusive men due to childhood self worth issues, I felt that was normal to find unavailable men for whom you have to work hard to get love in return,,, but when I healed my inner child, I started saying no to anything less than amazing, not even the bare minimum. I know now that every human deserves love & care without doing hard work

Yes constructive criticism is the key in life but delivering it gracefully is the key!! In my experience as a sales person and nurse , your energy is the most important tool you can use to encourage patients to change their perspective!! So true you have to promote faith and courage!! It can change someone’s attitude on living , I promise!! Its so magical to talk someone into still fighting cancer!! If you tell them they are gonna win they will !! Psychology of the mind!!

23:15 it's just about feeling that you actually matter to someone, that they value you. And if you genuinely value someone surely is natural to let them know that. It's not about grand gestures or expensive gifts. It's just the look in your eyes, the spark of ideas off each other as you engage in conversation. It's about connection. If there's no connection any more, there's no relationship is there. You can't have a relationship on auto pilot

I could listen to Robert Greene day after day. I love learning from him. As always thank you Lewis for unbeatable content.

Lewis, your a good listener, and you always ask the best questions. I liked everyone of your podcast! Thanks for being a cool person!

"Generosity in a relationship is really important." -- Boom!! so so so true!!!

Society tells you that you must be in a relationship. I enjoy singleness but I only speak for me.

I am single because I want to be. Was married. Have family. Not attracted by physical. Spiritual is most important!

This guy is so spot on and knows a lot about women that most men don't have a clue about. Great interview.

Yes this is something I've learnt just last month 'learn to judge people based on their character not the nice things they do.'

Robert Green is a gift to mankind. His books are Gems for people who don't know people management

I choose to be single because my last relationship was a complete lie I was married to a ConMan so that’s why I’m single. One marriage was enough!

So true when he talks about fulfilling the missing need of the other person. If you're attentive and can make the other person comfortable, people have a natural propensity to talk and reveal much about themselves and will tell you exactly what's missing from their life. This applies in every human interaction whether it be romantic or professional.

Falling in love doesn't happen anymore because we've become so self absorbed through social media that we realize that meeting each other on a deep/soul level isn't necessary for us to get what we want. I've never met a set of individuals more miserably loving together than I have this generation and my generation as well. I'm turning 40 this year. Everyone I know, including my parents are absolutely miserable with each other. The "settling" that's taking place is out of control. I have yet to hear someone tell me that they're connecting with someone on a deep level. All I get now is either, "I don't know why...this" or "I've been married to your stepmom now for 30 years so what's the point in divorcing now" or "I just met so and so and they just wanna f***" or "I regret leaving my last relationship, but I plan to get married to this person this summer." I mean, it's so incredibly bizarre...lol. I, myself, fell deeply in love with a friend and I was rejected. I was told it was because sometimes a person doesn't know what to do with the kind of love you're trying to give them. Especially if it's genuine and you're not asking for anything in return. You're teaching them it's okay for them to take what you're offering without them having to give back. It hurt me greatly. It made me misunderstand love completely. Here I was just trying to love someone and by doing that lost them altogether. She ended up marrying someone she cheated on her previous relationship with and is now pregnant. Being disappointed in that entire situation doesn't begin to explain it for me. But that's life ya know? It taught me a lot about love and myself...I have to completely reorganize my thought patterns and delve deep in my own stuff so I can learn not to repeat those apparent mistakes from my past that always end up getting me hurt. That and I'm not searching for love. I'm focusing on myself and that's it.

I have been single for so long now that I am truly enjoying it.

I love Robert Greene. I cannot stop listening to all his interviews. I’ve only just discovered him at 58 years old but I have now bought all his books and cannot put them down……I had a happy happy childhood with happy loving parents and I was a wonderful loving Mother to my son and so was my son’s Father. Now all of my sons school friends tell me that they wished they had a Mum like me because their Mums never gave them the love or time when they were young and in my sons year at school. Robert Greene is my hero….thank you ❤❤❤❤

I came for Robert but Esther’s portion was also so insightful! She deserves more recognition. Great episode.

I have Found Love and It's Not in another Person , and Is including My Relationship with the One Who made Me . I AM aware of what I AM OPEN to and will not ACCEPT what I AM Unaligned with , in The Kingdom.

He so described my life. Been engaged 15 times. ran away every relationship. 60 years old this March, never been married. Mr. Greene is a genius

1:00:59 and here shows how intuitive Lewis is to make sure his guest feels loved, important, and worthy, by understanding his deepest fears, lifting him up with praise and acknowledging how much good he has done with his work. @Lewis, you rock, and your intuitive sensitiveness keep me coming to your interviews, your words and questions are always on good timing.

"Being more forgiving" - beautiful!!!

I only find someone attractive once I've seen what they're like as a person from talking to them. Once I am attracted to them as a person I start to see them as attractive. They might have been physically attractive all along but I would never have even noticed until I realised how much I admire their character, their attitude, their ethos. Then i actually start seeing them for the first time. They transform in front of my eyes. It's only ever happened twice and it's a magical, unforgettable experience ♥️ I'm certainly not ever sexually attracted to someone until I feel love for them!

I didn't have a healthy childhood or involved parents. I idealized my dad, even though we spent very little time together as a child after my parents divorced. My mother was not nurturing. My husband had a pretty good childhood. I feel lucky that he chose me, and we ended up being a good match. I think the success of our relationship has a lot to do with being young and inexperienced when we first got together. Neither of us had much baggage. More people should focus their effort on their young love. It seems easier to grow together and become the best version of yourself that is compatible with your partner, than it is to find someone that meets all of your expectations later on.

I believe in lust at 1st sight, not love at 1st sight. In other words, it's infatuation. You cannot love who or what you don't know.

Two wonderful and talented men coming together to make the world a more special place. Their kindness, patience,understanding and lack of overbearing ego is well noted. Their life partners are lucky ladies.👍❤

That is why I do not believe online dating is noy for me you do not get the emotional and spititual connection. You have to be eye to eye.

Not only can you talk to the other person but can you two be completely silent in the same room without feeling abandoned, neglected, etc.

This is one of the greatest interviews you’ve ever done. Robert Green is amazing. One of my favorites.

I have to say that Robert Greene talks about things that I’ve never heard expressed before in the mindset field. I’m getting so much value from this interview. 🧡

After years and decades of being in other people’s “movies”, aka lives, their choices, their decisions, etc , I can finally be the star, director and producer of my own. One of the things I think that holds us back, at least what I found, was the imposter syndrome. I was doing, buying, making, etc in more of a robotic way because I felt I could fit in, get other’s approval, make others happy. But no matter how hard I tried, or how long or how much, I still ended up with a feeling of not enough. So, I changed my movie. I made me the star. Not in a vain or bad selfish way but healthy for me, setting boundaries. Then if others wanted to be in my “movie” ( aka life), they were welcome as long as they agreed it was my movie

This interview is so natural that it seems almost like a regular conversation. It's hard to pause because the conversation is so organic. It's not natural for a person to do it that naturally. There must've been a huge amount of effort for making that great listening&asking attitude, I guess. Admire you, Lewis.

Being single is peaceful and serene. You can have beautiful friendships and not feel the need for a romantic relationship.

This is one of the best videos I've watched in a long time, Robert Green is a genius. I've learned so much from this video, thank you.

I liked being single for years. But I also love that I have finally met my man

#1 relationship guidance - how are you going to take care of someone else before you're able to take care of yourself.

Robert Greene is a genius. He makes not just strategy and machiavellism something that common people can understand, from a point of view at it was and is a natural part of our evolution as a higher primate. But he also writes about narcissism egotism and that we need more empathy to understand others and our self to become more sofisticated and human. That is he breaks down both extremes of narcissism on one hand and empathy on the other, but without saying " be mr nice guy and it`s all gonna be fine". He is such a brilliant writer, and it`s also nice to see that he lives in the modern world and goes on youtube and also talk to real life influencers like Jordan Belfort or Mikaela Peterson. That is he acutaly makes the writing more real to us readers. And as other has pointed out you are a brilliant intervjuer Lewis and listener!. Keep up the good work

Robert- what a calming, wise presence. Esther, I hang on every word you say. There were several times where I paused and replayed, needing to hear it again. Both of you have given me more insight into the world of partnership that I find really confusing. All made possible by Lewis. Thanks to all of you. 🙏

Lewis, you always acknowledge your guest for their interview and for sharing something good into the world, so I want to acknowledge you for being such a great interviewer I really can see how passionate you are during the interview and how you actually listen to your guests and not only wait until you can talk. Hopefully I can learn this from you. Espero que tengas un buen día!!! Besos desde España 🥰

I grew up with a cold father and find that I'm attracted to individuals who don't display a lot of emotion. I found the perfect combination by entering a long-term relationship with an individual who has aspergers. The love and commitment is there with a gorgeous, genius but I have a lot of space.

I had one long term relationship (~6years) in my 20s that did what Greene was talking about a series of bad relationships can do. What made me leave was the fact that what I was going through in the relationship was turning me into my dad. Then earlier this year I watched all the star wars movies earlier this year and it hit me so hard. It also pushed me towards dealing with my childhood traumas so that I don't pass them onto my future kids.

The #1 Reason most of us are single is that WE WANT TO BE! Peace is priceless and most people nowadays are full of toxicity and chaos!

Man. Thanks for that acknowledgment at the end of Robert's interview. In a sense, you were thanking him on behalf of many of us seeing, who owe so much to Robert and wish could be able to thank him as well.

Thank you both for sharing. I believe in self awareness and self acceptance before you can move on and love and accept someone else. Lewis you are asking such real and genuine questions and Robert is answering them from the heart. 🙏

I don’t think that it is sexual attraction with mother or father, I think you look for your mother or father’s qualities in the partner because this is what you know how to deal with, anything else other than that makes you feel scared of the unknown so you look for familiar to be comfortable in the relationship. It is like formed ego and without it you are lost, so people are not able to get rid of it even though that brings them pain but at least they know how to deal with it instead of living spontaneously in unknown. I

Robert is an amazing author that has helped to transform my life...big tks from Brazil 😍☘️🇧🇷

Watching this Robert talk about vulnerability, I realise I as an INFJ have a natural advantage when it comes to seduction. I know no other way than to be very emotionally open and vulnerable with others, and also to allow them to open their inner world to me without fear of judgement.

Robert Greene = Legend

My dad was too busy with his business and we lived in different countries. I felt I grew up in a single family while my mom has always been very strict to us - I felt I could only stay at home/ with them if I’m a good daughter in their eyes / benchmark. I really want a good family for myself, and grow old with my man. Now I need to solve my issue not able to staying in a long term relationship, avoid blaming the parenting issue. I’m not going to blame my parents because they’ve their own problems and karma.

His voice is gentle and comforting 💕

I drive a lot and I truly get so much knowledge out of these. I love you guys

Without suffering, there is no true feeling. Suffering makes joy real. Opposites are there to validate their opposing feeling.

We are so focused on self and defying living according to our biology. We have instant gratification and yet, we are more miserable than ever. We constantly have to prove we are just as good or better than, rather than being just as good or better.

In SOuth Korean culture, there is a widely known dating rule- espcially when trying to find your life long soulmate, you must "seduce" the other partner- but not in a calculating way- but to make yourself elusive- or "not to easy to get" type of a person, such that the significant other has to "work" to earn your trust and to win you over. In western culture, seduction is known mainly for getting them in bed, but in south KOrean culture, it's considered and comes from more of an innocent motive. EVen if you see the other person "working you", you assume the best of that person and play along with them- to put yourself in that person's shoe and be flattered.. and fantasize about him or her while waiting to see them on the next date when tonight's date must be cut short. To be honest, I think it's the only way to date and eventually find your love. Because I grew up in that environment, I could never force myself to be in a hurry to be in bed with someone as I could never feel sexually be attracted unless I am "seduced" where I have this emotional bond with the partner. ANyway, what a great interview- all of my life, I have felt it was due to cultural difference that I will never be able to find anyone in the western culture who would understand this way of thinking and dating. So yes, I whole heartedly agree, love requires an art of seduction.(BTW, it's not so much about seduction than, say to "don't let your partner get too comfortable with you too fast, such that he takes you for granted and there is no effort in the relationship to keep eachother excited and on his toes).

Robert Greene is my HERO!!! I'm so happy to have stumbled across him 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 Amazing interview 🧨🧨🧨

I love Robert Greene so much… he is truly a treasure. His books are fascinating and have a deep almost gothic feeling to them which really resonates with me. I’ve learned so much from him!

Lewis, You are simply an amazing interviewer! We appreciate your work so much. Thank You!

I don't believe in looking for love, love will find you when your ready to give and receive love. But until then I'll continue to be very happy being single. And remain open and ready for the right connection.

The song, "what's love got to do with it?" Tina Turner, Comes to mind here. I've met a lot of men who don't actually want a relationship, yet they do want sex. They don't always tell you that either. Real relationships take time to build, many just assume that finding love is easy, and often our culture tells us that it doesn't take work period. When we build something we have to plan it out together and have both parties work toward the outcome.

I know the answer as to why we are attracted to people we know will hurt us (people we're attracted and are not attracted to us). It's because we need those people to help repair our past (childhood). If one person we're attracted to is able to provide a loving or even just a stable friendship where we become secure and vulnerable towards them, then we are "healed" from our past.

Perfect timing for these important messages, alot of notes taken. Thank you!

Love of parents matter 34:00 Story time

Thank you so much Lewis for asking the right questions! So eye opening 💕

I like your ability to ask right questions

Lewis, you are an amazing interviewer. What I truly admire about you is the fact that in spite of being so aware and having so much of knowledge, you never come across arrogant like, yeah, am aware of that. In fact you do the exact opposite. You make the interviewee feel like they are giving you a complete new information again and again, like you are hearing and understanding it for the first time. You show so much of interest and are willing to listen to similar information with open perspective all the time. Definitely the best interviewer ever. I have so much to learn from you.

Robert Greene is my favourite author. And the host asked good questions.

You have to like each other. And respect and good manners are huge!

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Preach Robert!!!!! Connection on a spiritual level beyond surface Level!!!! Yasssss 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 say it louder for the ppl in the back 🗣 I’m so over superficial surface level connections 😔

My mother is a naccissist. I was emotionally abused & neglected by my parents. My ex-wife is shallow & only cares for herself. I think sadly many people come from disfunctional families & never really had a healthy loving relationship.

Really touching and sincere acknowledgement by Lewis towards Robert for his work. Bravo.

The crazy thing is the reason why you fall in love with someone could be because of their flaws. I mean you find their flaws unique and endearing.

I love Robert, such a charming and adorable person, plus his tremendous keen awareness and intelligence !

2:00:.. Lewis YOUR memory 100% WILL bring SMILES. .. One's that come from the HEART! Your flat out amazing! And so appreciated!

I’m in love with Robert Greens Voice.. brilliant Guy

Its a delight listening to Robert Greene's wisdom🙏

Lewis man, thank you so much for putting yourself on the line each time and putting great care to ask questions that hit smack at the center of things. You can't imagine how much your work gives extraordinary help. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

This women is the most intellectual woman we have today. The wey she answer the question simple but deep soft but so strong easy but so meaningful I can’t have enough of. Interviews like this

I met a woman a month ago and we connected so much as far as hobbies, what we like and don’t like. It was an otherworldly experience for me. I’ve never been in a relationship before and I get super nervous around women. Because I’m a dummy she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I have much to learn. Thanks for the interview, the knowledge and wisdom!

Wow! Thank you so much for being such a great interviewer. You’re amazing at pulling out the gems from the people you interview that are pertinent and relatable to all of us.

What he said is true. My mom is a narcissist and so is my husband.

Robert is a legend . His insightful analysis on simple social theories and life ethics is wonderful. Bless him

Brilliant insight as always from Mr Greene

One problem that humanity has created is making relationships disposable.

this nailed it, I am more aware of my issue now

I loved Esther´s views, it was all actually applicable and straight to the point.

Yesss please, this is definitely a MUST WATCH!!! Thank you! 😍😍