Get your free "Stop Emotional Flashbacks" Course now at www.spartanlife... In this video, I share the thing Narcissists fear most and what they don't want you to know so you can overcome their abuse.
Every thing you say is right. I did exactly this a week ago to my narcissistic mother. She no like this ! My question is that my ex husband is also narcissistic, I walked away 12 years ago but the injury to his over inflated ego was too much for him and he has now alienated our child against me 3 years ago when was 11 (of course with a lot of help from my mother) so although i have healed and seen through it, my child is trapped. He realizes that he has been tricked and used to hurt me but has been threatened that if he comes back to me, then his father will wash his hands of him. So therefore i get all the behaviours of an alienated child (basically, i get the anger, frustration, blame etc).
Was born unwanted, lived with much neglect and abuse by a very broken turned narcissistic queen mother, hated by the rest of my family whenever I wanted to “exist”. At 15 I was beaten, raped, tortured, manipulated, sequestered by my 19 year old sadistic phychopath boyfriend. Was never protected and so in a very painful beating...my “soul” just left. I was just an empty shell of good and bad, no sense of SELF or worth. Lost jobs because of abusive male bosses or coworkers. Relationships were sick dependencies or battles grounds. Males were perceived as a constant threat. I was never allowed to BE feminine, intimate, creative, safe. I sought help for the abuse and was further mistreated by women therapists. For over 13 years In a relationship with a young man who thought was my saviour... (yeah pot makes people very delusional) he endured my rage and emotional manipulation because that is what he experienced as a child. Then I caught a brain eating parasite that opened Pandora’s box ( amygdala) and horrible flashbacks poured out ! Not much compassion out there for someone who had become paralyzed. I could not walk or talk for over a year. And that is how the “abusive “parent” became the abused “child”. Roles were now reversed !!! as my companion had to take of me. He took control....and even admitted he wanted me dead many times in the past I was so nasty. I became dependent of him. I lost hope in LIFE itself...saw my future being so dim, i sunk into depression as I had to let go of my little sailboat, my garden, walks in nature. I went through a period of horrific “judgment” abandonment period by doctors, neighbours, friends, house owner who neglected to resolve an old “shitty” never emptied septic tank which made us move into another town where things spiralled even further. My companion convinced me to take pot all day for the pain I had. and weeks of this “medicine” treatment...one night, I had a psychotic/exorcism experience. Because of the horrific screaming, neighbours called 91 , my partners was so stoned and scared, he started to say things that were interpreted as if we were in a masochistc/sado ritual where even virgins “could be” sacraficed ?! What ?! Yes that is what is written in the police report ?! Instead of evaluating that my partner was under influence and delirious...they proceeded to chase me on the balcony, violently push me against the wall ...then on the floor and handcuff me. They brutally manipulated my frail semi paralized body down the flight of stairs to strap me very tight on a gurny. I was lying on the handcuffs in my back which hurt and made it hard to breathe. Where was I going to go ?! Am I Houdini ? 4 hours suffering on he gurney and being tied-up for no reason, i was brought to the “loonie bin” floor where I thought the nightmare just continued. After a night of being sedated, I wake up in a contention room on a dirty floor mattress where 2 goons are beating me in front of 2 police agent. I have the pictures to show the blue marks everywhere... because a friend of mine insisted to see me. The police and the goons rapidly disapeared. My friend and her partner came in and were horrified by what they saw and demanded “what the hell is going on here?” I was released after 4 days. I did not deserve any of this but was responsible for myself and my future. So a week after this event and many questions to my partner who attempted to hide the truth... I decided to leave. I did not know where or how, but I did. I decided to educate myself on the consequences of neglect, sexual abuse, psychopathology and sought genuine compassionate, professional help. I feel that my “discarded soul” had come back in that evening where I “relived” a 5 men assault. EDUCATION and COMPASSION is key in Self discovery, Self acceptance / Love. The picture on the wall is a picture I took of my shadow one morning. It is Me. I exist... finally. Thank you for sharing your experiences, insights and knowledge.
I am so grateful for your videos - something about the way you deliver this information is just si soothing and i am learning so much but i also feel nurtured unlike some other videos on the same topic that are either frightening; boring or seem that the presenter has their own agenda thank you
Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets : - Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke. - When confronted with their behaviour, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim. - Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not. - They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right. - Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live any way they want. Very hypocritical. - They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection. - Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target. - They want you to fail while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing). - They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!). -Poison your favourite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything. - Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help. -When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors. - Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them. Target will be walking on eggshells. - They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behaviour. - They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer. - They think they are models to be followed. - They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
How should one deal with the first statement. It happens to me quite frequently. They would just say 'its a joke, what are you offended, how childish (i can't respond because i would feel emasculated/not appear stoic and in control)' i.e how to respond and act. The video does explain the problem but doesn't give practical solutions just 'escape sphere of influence'..
You just described a woman in my building who has been trying to do all of these things that you mentioned. She thinks I am not aware of her game. Lol!
I did this. I had my own things to workout but because it was an inconvenient time for him he just couldn't stand it. The last time he drove to my house because I logged off fb to keep his mean texts away from me he said he was in such a head space he had thought about down barrel. That's when I got up said that's not okay to put on me(mind you he's 52, I'm 38) walked in the house and locked the door. They will do anything to draw you in and place blame on you. I'm currently renting from his dad and trying to get the heck out of dodge asap
@@crystalcrawford553, I agree. They will say and do anything to keep you as a target, locked into their drama and to avoid being abandoned by the person and persons they have targeted inside their inner sanctum. Narcs. will go to the extreme of writing suicide letters and expressing thoughts to kill themselves. They know this type of manuvour and manuplation will get the empathy and attention from their target and targets to keep them locked into their insane and nutso world. To keep their target/targets as a hostage and hold them accountable for every bad thing that has happened to them both past and present. I tell others When they make statements to kill themselves of the thought of loosing their target is to not believe it, because if so they would have done it along time ago with previous relationships as narcs. use the same tactics and playbook to keep you in line. I realize this may sound horrible, but it is either you or them. If you stay in the relationship your heart and soul will die and the emotional pain you experience will continue to the point of you having thoughts of wishing you were dead. If you let them narcs. will suck the life out of you. All joy and happiness. It is not your or anyone's responsibility to keep them alive. When you leave they will find a new relationship and will target them. Or identify a new target inside their inner sanctum such as one of their cohorts or flying monkeys.
Old Music thank you, this is my lightbulb moment as I now understand why my soon to be x husband acted the way he did. Apparently I'm further along in my healing from his narcissistic abuse than I thought 😍😊
This is so true. Witnessed first hand. If you remain calm they go absolutely crazy. It was scary the first time I witnessed it as I was unaware of how much someone with NPD can really lose it with the flip of a switch.
@@ruthhillegass1251 I'm doing that right now. I am getting the silent treatment. She doesn't get that it doesn't work anymore. I am happy! Quiet no attacks but that won't last I know.
@@Classicfem Praying for your continued strength and hopefully the courage to leave one day! It took me 24 years. I thank God for people like Mr. Grannon and others.:)
So accurate it brought me to tears. Living with a person like this really is hell. I’ve been there for 30 years. Can hardly remember what I used to be like anymore.
I always wondered about that and i said in the beginning 'it's like everything is a competition with you.' 'Competition is good' he said (yeah well -not when you're partners -you should see the other peoples wins as your own win too...)
This presentation is phenomenal!!! Anyone who has catered to a narcissist for years can literally fully, wholly comprehend and CONFIRM everything in this video. What a brilliant precise breakdown of the dynamics when dealing with a true narcissist. Healing and moving on… is by far your most powerful move… especially if you don’t be bitter or vengeful about it all .., just quietly and completely shut the door of their access to you.. mind, body, and spirit…
I’m shocked when I read about these comments people make about their mothers. I was very fortunate to have the best mother one could ask for & my father was wonderful also. My problem was I had a toxic sister who only wanted to make peoples lives miserable. I was the only one who stood by her side for years until I couldn’t take it anymore. She made me feel like a nothing. Finally I realize I will never get through to her so I cut her off completely. I feel somewhat guilty but it had to be done.
@@sunnydaze2359 Your sister was not born this way.. she has been made like that by your parents.. she is the scapegoat and you are the golden child.. Google and watch videos on this.. It will be more clear to you..
@@sunnydaze2359I had to do it as well❣️ God bless their souls. Remember, all the negativity and hatred is just a projection. It was never about us. ♥️❤️♥️
And in the end it seems so easy that the question comes up "why not earlier?". At first it felt like my whole world would collapse but now that we broke up and moved apart everything is so stressless, so clean, ... it's relief after all.
OMG!!! So true about having to be their child/slave and thier parent/master. The cognitive disonance caused by that almost drove me insane. So good to be out!
It's been 4 months since leaving the torture chamber. I've had good and bad days. The worst days were fighting the trauma bonding and cognitive dissonance. I have never ever in my life been in a relationship like this. I'm healing and saving money because my money and attention was all he was interested in!!!
@@mimiboucher5701 Trust me, being friends will only benefit him, not you. He just wants access to you. You'll never have a healthy friendship with a narc. RUN🏃♀️
I have been feeling guilty for going no contact. But this video taught me that I’m escaping the narcissistic family of origin, not abandoning them. Freedman!
The problem with being around them for so long is that you tend to mirror them, and unintentionally pick up some horrible traits also. This video is excellent
Good point. I ended up negative and critical of others, judging them as I was mimicking my awful mother. I went no contact and I feel free. I'm a kind person by nature, accepting. She was so wounded as a person she'd project her awful crap onto others and then call them out on it. Spiteful person.
@@vanessasouthern1792 whoa, I clicked at random, but the universe wanted me to read this. you summed it up so perfectly. This is Verbatim my life too. Not one single word needs to change... I still live with her though... I guess my path is obvious. Thank you, from myself and kudos from the universe. :):):) namaste
@@jesserivera9704 I'm glad you can get some comfort and relate. You can get free one day. Stay true to your self, always. These people have a sickness, an illness. Dont let it be contagious ✌ peace.x
@@TheAmandad123 glad you can recognise it, stand alone. You are a good person 😊 don't let that poison contaminate your being. Keep spreading the love! 👍
Ohmygosh yes!! Totally nailed it. One wears you down completely, the other drops your guard opening you for deeper damage! A very concise way of defining the cycle.
Some of my friends thought I was exaggerating when I told them it was like being married to a two year old. Sometimes 12. But then all hell rained down on me at times like an overbearing controlling parent. I called her Sybil because I didn't know which one was going to appear at any given moment.
@@brianlane9534 I think it might be a manifestation of a personality disorder...probably a split personality from some early trauma..it's bother fascinating and absolutely terrifying to learn about these things and realize how much of our actions and reactions are unconsciously driven.
Richard….this was perfect. The perfect analysis. Wow. It’s mind blowing for a woman like myself to hear this utter and blatant truth when I lived struggling to make my marriage work for 35 years!! About two months ago, out of curiosity, I opened a video on narcissism and sat with my mouth hanging open. It was all about MY life. Then I knew there was nothing I could do, which had been obvious always. I’m still there but have been healing and completely changing the way I react to him. Little by little getting myself ready to tell him I can’t live with him any longer. Too bad I didn’t discover this before I gave him half my life. I will be the one to continue paying. Harder for a woman to live alone. He could fix and repair anything…except the marriage. Plus my family and everyone else thinks he is Mr. Wonderful. Nobody will understand. Scarey at this time in life and also no children. Richard…you are smart, eloquent, spot on, and hilarious. Thanks for helping by sharing this knowledge
Trust me… you will be fine. Plan your escape quietly and leave. And remember you don’t need to justify anything to anyone. It’s your life and you live it on your terms.
Wish you the best in your healing! He just summarized my 13 year marriage. I can't imagine 35 years! I walked away a year ago and have since recovered my self-esteem, self-respect, and confidence. No longer hurt and disappointed, bitter or resentful. God bless your future!
Can totally relate to everyone thinking he is wonderful... I went through the same....he was always Mr Happy nice guy.... Lucky you dont have children imagine their lives...I didnt have children either.... We divorced years ago now I have cancer which I attribute to that relationship and the continual verbal abuse and stress I allowed myself to endure..... Get out as soon as you can....
I had the same issue with my family and stayed longer than I should have because of it. I’m thankful you found this info and it’s better late than never. I wish you all the best on the next chapter of your life. It’s not an easy transition at all but so very worth it! I’m married to a wonderful man now and have so much peace!
Yes that's one thing that really irritated the heck out of me with my ex boyfriend. He'd get this tone in his voice like he's talking to a 5 year old. And it was very demeaning. I have a son and he's 26 now. I've never talked to him the way my ex talked to me.
I felt like I was trying to deal with a terrorist.... It has been a while now and I am just now starting to hike on my favorite trails again.... Thank you, thank you, thank you....... 🌀❤️🌀
My mother in law IS the devil. My husband nicknamed her the insult ninja. Which is so fitting. Haven't seen her in 4 years thank God. But she and my FIL still create ways to terrorize my family through my husband because he won't cut them off. He has in the past but now the "they're old and gonna die soon" is getting the best of him. My son at 18 grabbed my arm and said "get up, we are leaving" the very last time she verbally assaulted both of us at lunch in a public place. We left and haven't looked back. My son's clear vision and strength taught me so much. Thank God he somehow naturally has boundaries. I had none, wasn't taught I deserved any and only learned what the word meant in my mid 40's!!!!! One day at a time, moving forward healing is my goal, my mantra now. No more abuse. Period.
God Im so happy for you. Im not yet there in healing and fully letting go.. Spot on, "terrorist" spiritually, and emotionally... and being careful of not to walk on all the landmines..
@@dawnwinkler8905 Hallo Dawn Winkler, I feel so sorry for you. Me poor mother was in the same trap - me brother and me grow up with he terror regime and abuse from her and our father... She's been 40 years craying and laying her witch ass aut abaut haw she's syc and gonna day every moment. And the years of damige and terror gone on and on... Please never belive that syc and day soon lay - its just one other of theyr narcissistic gasslighting to guilt theyr son in to endure the abuse - and with that tactic she do the abuse by proxy to you and your children. Sorry me bad English - I'm not a native spraker.
As the saying goes ‘the best revenge is success’. It’s p’ssed my Narc mum off no end lol. She wanted me to fail so she could be above me. She tried to destroy me. So I chose to succeed and now she hates me. She always hated me. It’s very satisfying to be successful as an individual person outside of her torment. But most importantly it’s liberating to no longer be addicted to chasing the love I now know would never have received. It was all an illusion, a carrot on a stick. I’m free of her now. It’s such a relief.
Being Humble works good too! I finally said to my Narc..”Go find her! This woman you want and deserve.” He did! She is a bigger narc than he! Justice served. She beats him up! And somewhere..I hope God has a good kind man for me! I had some pride myself..I had to correct.
thats amazing thank you we co-parent so i have to see him - love what you wrote! yay you! i am sad to say when i begin to have some success he guilt trips me into handing over much more money then i could ever afford, to keep me a failure, he has always done this - so i have to hide my success, or even happy, cos he cant stand it and trys directly to ruin it, rumours back stabbing i just ignore it, one day it will be safe to be successful and so successful i can be obvious about it ie i will have money to give toward our son and afford it - i chased his love for 17 years whhhhhyyy? it took me that long to see he hated me and like you yes....he always hated me - my family saw it in the first instant and so did many friends - since i left i have felt relief joy freedom - not one tear have i shed - i pinch myself every morning realizing i am out, I am freeeeeee! I literally had to know that i would rather be dead then live another day with this clown. Thats when i left - my fear about success is he like my brothers x (a narc) would try to sue me for it as she did - that cannot stop me though.
WRONG! It is genetic. My former father-in-law was a 10 on the narc scale. His monster daughter is an 11. My mistake of a biological son is the worst of all. None of them were "abandoned." Mental illness is genetic. It can not be created. Ask the POWs who were tortured. None of them suffered from mental illness.
Yes but that enrages them too. Never satisfied. You can never react correctly. Either you yell and scream back and fight FEED them or calm ... oh that is worse! Tried that and got sucker slammed to the floor breaking my back and dislocating my hand. Complete abandon is the only option. Good luck 🤟
@@55nfabulous I agree with u, I meant silence is golden when u don't live with them anymore, I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you, I hope you find the happiness you deserve 😊
Feel sorry for the narcissist... they will never live a life of stability without chaos, drama and pain. They will go from one relationship to the next, never finding true happiness... ever.
45 years of chaos, infidelity, abandonment ,accusations, mental , emotional, psychological abuse. And at times physical abuse. A whole year of peace but the struggle to move forward is real, but I am doing it. Praise God 🙏
That's because they have nothing to be proud of, narcissistic tendencies can be alleviated by showing the narcissist what to be proud of, they need balance as we all do
Sorry but you’re not understanding them at all. You can’t make them feel and they’re not normal. No contact is for a reason they seem to insert subjectivity in every aspect of their lives. Go pet a wolf…let me know how that works out. Maybe no contact with the wolf is best from the start.
STAY NO CONTACT PEOPLE!!! This was so right on Richard. So concise and perfectly explained. This made total sense to me! Thank you Jesus the trauma bond finally broke after about 3 months or so. I never want to feel that addiction and emotional pain ever again! I f**king escaped. I am actually feeling joy and pleasure again all by myself. Thanks Richard for clarifying these important elements of our part in these bizarre relationships!
Well Nancy I really don’t think Jesus cares... sometimes...especially now...there’s no better word! I love Jesus and lately I’m saying it too sometimes! Hey as long as we aren’t saying it around children or in flippantly innapropriate ways then I’m not going to stress out about a word though I know words are powerful. Very. Maybe that’s hypocritical of me! But I’m saying it anyway, darn it! Anyway be well. 💚🧚♀️
Revenge is never worth the time you waste. When you could be moving forward and healing. I agree. It's challenging to go on the journey to heal yet this is the healthiest way to move forward and not allowing the Narc to hold that control over you. I am still on my healing journey.
This needs to be shared with the court system. Of all things wrong in this world, theres always a way out, except narcissistic wrongs. You are beyond correct with this explanation
One thing that helped my healing was to understand he had a true addiction to attention. He did not care from where, through whom, or through what means that attention came from: only that he incessantly has it. I found him to be repugnant with his indiscriminate, endless grasping need for validation. An empty balloon of a person by himself, with nothing of authentic emotional merit to offer anyone.
TJ NICHOLS my narc hubby once was trying to get the kids to play and snuggle. They didn’t want to. He said “oh come on guys, your mom (me) doesn’t give me ANY attention.” What a child! He doesn’t even understand why I stopped giving him attention. Lol 🧛♀️ vampire
@Be The Change You Want - I have a "phone friend" who always does his best to speak almost non stop for 2 hours at a time to me. He repeats himself so much, often just slightly repackaging the same things so he can say it again to me, ALWAYS making analogies to make sure I understand him, though I feel like he just wants praise for how clever his analogies are much of the time. He's an INTJ and is quite smart, and to be fair, he can be quite helpful with ideas and we can get into some interesting conversations at times. But for me it often feels like he just wants me to listen to him speak, like he loves hearing his own voice or something.
Mine wanted nothing more than to be seen with me until it stopped him getting all the attention. Pay attention ladies, if after a few weeks he's walking ahead of you leaving you behind with the bags the children and all the responsibilities and that's on a family holiday or day out he cares nothing for you. By then your in the discarded phase and he's basically telling you, your his donkey and you must keep up or be left for dust
No.. Sometimes that doesn't work.... Pretty much every time. No matter how much I use logic she will circle back to the same problem. Having a problem with anything I do.
@Daniel this is so true. They see honest communication with you is difficult, meaning you’re the difficult one. Too challenging. They cannot handle open and honest communication whatsoever. With strikes me is how good they are at evading a real conversation. Including blame shifting, gaslighting, projection, etc. I could not do that if I tried. Goes to show you just how disordered and dysfunctional they really are.
This video seemed so rushed and urgent as if you needed to get the message across to me quickly. Great video thank you. I wasted 62. and a half years with an npd mother and 19 years with an npd husband. I ran away from both. I haven't healed yet but feel stronger from this video x
@@drauszem I experienced this with my narc sister in law but after a few years I even left the country. I bet she's fuming now that she's lost her supply 😁
“They put you in the role of supplicant.” Brilliant. That describes it perfectly. I once saw a sign that read, “The flogging shall continue until morale improves.” Also, spot on.
I moved 2500 miles away to get some peace and quiet from my ex. It's working wonderfully. I know the craziness continues (through contact with my son who is still in the area), but I watch it from a distance and I do nothing to get involved other than listen to my son (19y) ang give him support and encouragement to do what's best for him no matter what the ex tries to pull. My hypervigilance went down tremendously when I could finally put some distance between us! Best and hardest thing I've done to date for myself.
It's incredible how every single thing Richard explained here was happening in that horrible relationship I was in. It feels empowering to be able to look at it from the side like this without feeling shame or anger at myself. I read a sentence that helped me to feel a bit better hopefully it will help you reading this: "the survivor can realize that they were targeted not because they were weak, but because they had so much to give"
I disagree because i defeated my narc....every time she tried talking to me i dropped truth after facts after truth after facts about her to her..now she won't even look at me and can't stand to be anywhere near me
I walked away 4 months ago and never looked back! No contact he thought I would beg him. It took a long time. Please god never bring this too me again!
Thanks a bunch The parent/ child part was sooo Enlightening to me. I was either talked down to like his daughter or I was the parent constantly cleaning up after him and trying to teach him normal adult respect. I was constantly begging for a partnership equal relationship, it was like he was totally unaware of what that meant.
@@sarahjohnson8514 Prepare for a novel. Scars. Always scars. Healing my borderline flashbacks at this stage of my life is mostly reducing the intensity and length of time. Depending on what it is. Last night was speaking with a vet and how his special ops teams work together and my blood pressure went up instantly. Brain healing isn't Just learning new means of controlling emotions it is a biological healing too. Old neural pathways actually have to be rerouted and/or degraded with disuse. The issue is my cluster B's survival pathways cannot totally degrade as simple as someone's name. My pathways are thick with 4 decades of reaction. It is a new lifestyle. Book out = The Neurogenesis Diet and Lifestyle. We aren’t talking building implosion as it is on the cellular level. Building also takes the right materials. Eat what builds and don’t eat what exacerbates triggers, especially depression. Age is important too. The younger, the better, a child trauma specialist will attest to that. (Wish Richard was permitted to talk to kids in “private” schools and juvie. Mine was in a special school and the therapy only made him angrier.) Research on Sam's therapy hasn't even been done. Personally, being a visual learner, I would LOVE to see pictures. Would love to see the progress of Richard's mind since his TBI and his prolific discipline in getting himself healed. Because of my past experience and being a Christian and loving neuroscience I will never give up hope of healing. If I want to be healed of my decision to fawn and fly away (and rarely fight), how can I not want that for others who have suffered greater than I? Doesn’t mean I don’t take care of myself (eventually…LOL). During my first research (due to my low-emp sharing what others had called him) I came across an article or post of a low-emp who had been in a 12 week rehab program. I only remember him saying that one woman would push his buttons all the time and he hated her, but along the way he came to appreciate her for showing him the way out and they are good friends. Because their walls of delusion break down in healing, the trauma of facing reality all at once would be horrific, in my opinion. Being a Christian, I knew every time I broke my boundries. Crying intensity was proportional to break. I have been able to see my Gollum because I was TAUGHT my boundaries from age 6. My low-emp was not taught any boundaries except what suits him for the moment. There are marriage counseling sites for those with low-emp mates. It also depends on the severity of the low-emp symptoms and severity and length of trauma. So the tag demon narcissist should not be painted on every low-emp according to the general graphic of a bell curve. Wonder what the real stats are. Hate statistics. LOL Come to think of it, the propensity to tag every fight responder to childhood trauma with the name demon narcissist sounds very borderline to me. Always the extreme. :)
With the help of Christ Jesus ALL things are possible! Christ Jesus has healed many sociopaths and no doubt can and will deliver people from npd when they seek Him with sincere heart regarding their brokeness. I pray for my ex. He wants to come back into my life.
Completely relate to this video! My ex is taking me to court for child custody so I flipped the game and offered 50/50 now he's making every excuse under the sun not to accept it!! As he knows I've moved on with my life and I've broken free! 💃🦋💅
This is one of the best presentations on dealing with narcissists in your life that I’ve encountered. So very enlightening and encouraging. I will be watching it again.
Genius talk, you're a master at this because you're always learning something new and teaching it to us. I recognize this with my family, they don't want me to be an individual and anything I do or accomplish as an individual is never acknowledged. I was away from them for 10 years and no one in my family ever asks me how I spent my time away for 10 years, it's like they see me as the exact same person I was in 2008 when I returned in 2018.
Hello Ardent. I relate very much. I have done a lot for my family across the board. Property, finance, emotional support, organising etc etc. It is barely acknowledged. I think if i came in with a cure for all cancers it would get a shrug while another sib would get validation for a cake. I now expect nothing and will fulfill a final obligation , do it well and tie it with a bow. That is being executor to my Fathers will. Other sister avoiding the bulk of the work but she is going on weekend spiritual retreats. As soon as WE see the situ, we are responsible to ourselves to change OUR behavior. Im doing it but it will take a bit of time. Good luck, massive hug, live well. xxx
2010 process started..2012 relapse, death in family..so technically no contact since 2012 and same deal. Not that I listen to any of their voicemails. I know better.....they never text hoover anymore. I guess it's not satisfying enough for them to text 🤔
being Ayushi I appreciate your compassion, but I know there are others out there who have it worse with family, especially at a very strange time like this in the world.
To be fair family not asking about a family member that was "absent" could also be a form of politeness. Not that I question your family dysfunction. What I know (from experience) is that "unpleasant" situations are not talked about. That could be a family member being unemployed for longer time, a business failure, a child that is probably gay, (or has a severe learning disorder), the foreclosed home, the marriage that is obviously breaking apart, ... - mind you that kind of polite (or cowardly, or conflict averse) family _would_ engage in a discussion and would show some interest - if the person that is concerned (or close family members) bring it up first.. They may lean too much on the "keep the skeletons in the closet" side - but it is not self-serving or coming from a sense of not caring or meanness. And if you meet on the holidays, family functions, .... what good would it do to spill the beans, most people do not have the wisdom, empathy to be non-judgemential, to give good advice, or just listen - so keeping if superficial and merry may be just as well.
I've cut off from my family and although it took many times of them doing the break, I chose to do it for me and my kids. It's been the best thing ever. Thank you for all your support and help.
I once told my narc mother that I was tired of her guilt. She said, "if you feel guilty, then that's on you." She was absolutely right. So now I've decided no not feel guilty anymore, and her attempts at weaponizing grief, loneliness and victimhood have no effect on me. It's so freeing, and although I take no pleasure or pride in her suffering, at least I can be at peace with myself and accept that she is 100% lying in the bed that she's made for herself.
It's so good that you are not allowing the guilt, loneliness and victimhood to affect you in the same way as before, Brandon. I am just a bit curious? Of course the mind can decide to do things in a different way which is more liberating and better for us, just interested in how you are processing the associated feelings if they come up??
@@ThisIsMe155 Watch the latest Grannon and Vaknin (interviews) they've both uploaded... because this was/ is quite literally an insidious "mind parasite" (hostile takeover) of the super ego functions, then (after the 'split') ongoingly still influences one's ego functionality and self- talk (vs. "still voice, within") and until one replaces that "devil advocate" loud self- talker with their own... healing cannot fully, occur. (i.e. Because that "negative voice" will simply use your (after) studies and practices against you, cloaked as your "advocate, within.")
@@williamtiffee3799 Hi William, thanks for including me. You are absolutely correct on this point about the external self voice of self needing to over the devil parasitic voice. Curiously, I have discovered exactly this point myself. The voice of the devil advocate shows no mercy towards any form of non-resistance or weakness, it can also easily overtake one's inner voice in times of acute vulnerability or illness.
@@ThisIsMe155 Indeed :-) And the "emotional ("pain body," to use the Eastern term) is REAL... and they "re- engage" it, as a routine.) This is FAR worse if they were a parent, or with you for decades! (And know your weak points, all to well...) I also noticed that people who are "on the edge" (BPD, NPD, et al) of a "flair-up," absolutely cannot stand one's "bringing up harsh reality(ies)" which detour from the adopted narrative(s)... thereby 'piercing' the (thinly veiled layer) of cognitive dissonance(s) ... when one "deviates from their script." (JP Sears has some amusing 'scripted' responses for the likes of "how to respond to" the SJW, SO, etc. (This quite often gets me "in trouble" because I 'trigger' these people in near real crime, of late... having NO 'tolerance' for their nonsensical, b.s.) I also acquired two books on what's known as "Wetiko" (spirit) in Native American speak... and the "Jin," in other cultures. (Aka: Mind parasites!) BTW, My mom went from the "co- dependent" (of mid- 1970s feminism and leftivism) to a decade later until two years ago (1984- 2020 = 35 plus years!) residing with either a BPD w/ secondary psychopathy? Or more likely, a closet narc (shy, vulnerable and covert don't quite seem to 'fit' that person...) Needless to say, her masters in 'psych' was no match for an equally or more intelligent "professional victim," also of British Isles decent. (130- 150 IQ and 200ish EQ... that since seems to have turned into "narc block?!") I finally "drove a wedge" between them, only to later learn my mom (now 80) is also a (mind and emotion, parasitized) "converted, covert..." but thank god not a "malignant' one, per se.' Time to LEAVE again. (Fifth 'exit' stage right from Northern California. And, for the LAST TIME!) Who needs the: gossip, victimhood, gaslighting, guilt trips, projection, blame shifting, cognitive "d" as an "adult?!" ;-)
When my mother hears me laughing while watching tv she comes to the living room and stares at the tv with her hand on her hip like the tv is doing something wrong. It's like stay in your room and let me enjoy what I'm watching and not ruin the moment.
This! I've had endless thought loops on revenge. All that happened was I got more riled up. It is best to reclaim your life: physical & mental health and MOVE ON!.
Thank you I completely relate to this video. Took me 13 years to work out what was wrong with him. I thought he was bipolar, borderline personality disorder or PTSD but all along its narcissism. I'm glad to know I wasn't mad and it didn't matter what i did I was always wrong (but I wasn't!!) so glad I'm free of this and starting to heal. This video was helpful.
I try to watch at least one of your videos every day. I am 71, and just now breaking away from my narcissistic mother. I would never want to hurt my mother, or get revenge, because I am a Christian, because I know she is already in lots of pain, and because I think I am more angry with myself than I am with her (because I let her abuse me for so long). Scales fell off my eyes and mind when I watched your video on breaking the trauma bond, where you addressed "maglignant optimism", how impossible it is to rescue the broken child in the narcissist, and about how pouring love on them will not ever make them love you. That is exactly what I needed to hear. I am in "no contact" mode now, and haven't spoken to her for several weeks. Thanks for your videos, Richard. They are very helpful.
@Pippi Bernstein Richard has really helped me see that she can't be rescued from herself, and I finally understand that my whole life has been about trying to do that. I am willing to accept that truth, painful as it is. I love her, and feel sorry for her, but I just don't want any more of her abuse. I finally see and accept that she will never change, and I must move on and heal. I kind of wish I had understand this sooner, but I kinow God's timing is perfect. I probably wasn't ready to deal with the truth about the situation until now. Well, better late than never! Now I am wondering how much damage I have done to my own children without knowing it.
Old Music I wonder why you worry about damage you may have done to your children. Why, because you didn’t get away from your mother so you worry you didn’t model resilience and the importance of self protection? Again. We blame ourselves. I think about this too. Why didn’t I leave, show my child I was strong, show my child that they must never let anyone abuse them as I had been. But my child is doing amazingly well. Nothing like his father. He is extremely centered, he is kind and faithful to the woman in his life. I am sure you provided yours with love and compassion despite the fact you were not getting the same from the narcissist. What strength that is! Be well. 💚🧚♀️
It might seem hard to believe, but I never knew how bad the abuse was until now. It has been my life. I was not able to emotionally bond with my children because of how my "self" was so destroyed by my childhood. In addition to the emotional abuse from my mother, I also was sexually abused until I was 17. I suffered horrible depression until I was in my mid to late 40's. I have been told that it is amazing that I am doing as well as I am, considering the tremindous amout of abuse that has defined my life. I have survived because the Lord saved me when I was 24 and I also was married to man who truly loves me when I was 24. Unfortunately, I acutally did not know anything was "wrong" with my mother, just that she was a mean person. She set me up early in life to believe I was stupid and worthless, and could not survive without her. I had lot of healing through through the Lord's and my husband's love for me, but not enough to be emotionally available to my children when they were young. I did hurt them, I know, but I have apologized to them as I have become more aware of who I really was during those years, and I have changed a lot. I had 6 years of private therapy back in 2000 an on, but I am just NOW learning that my mother is actually a narcissist. As Jesus said, "and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free."
Old Music it doesn’t seem hard to believe that you didn’t know how bad the abuse was. Nor did I! I still am having revelations and it’s been 7 years since the narcissist discarded me! This does such a number on your mind and heart and soul. Lovely you found a man who heals you. I’m so sorry for the abuse you suffered. Sharing your story helps those who read it. Be well. Stay safe. 💚🧚♀️
@@loveinthemidst5841 Thank you for your encouragement, especially the last remark about sharing my story. I thought about writing a book about my life for the purpose of helping others, but I wasn't sure whether or not I should. Your comment is sort of a "confirmation" that I should go ahead and do it. Thanks.
do you people even realize the genius this guy is rendering for us?! omg... as a 41 year old male I'm still dealing with my 61 year old narcissistic mother. shit has hit the fan one last time for us and this paradigm that richard presents fits the scenario like a glove (as well as every preceding instance of shit hitting the fan throughout my life). I'm so appreciative for this advice. Much love to @RichardGrannon.
Same here with my mom and we are same age. I had to cut off my entire family it has been hard but the healing and peace has been liberating. I hope you're doing well mate.
@V A depends on if you can accept the fact they won't change. I tried to manage my family and narcissistic mother by limited interaction and for me it just wasn't healthy. They would find any way to suck me back into being the family scapegoat and abuse me,especially when i was making progress within my own life. I cut off my entire family and even though i am a bit lonely I am so much healthier and free.
I have been worried about my elderly (narc) mother because of covid-19. She's housebound and mostly bedridden and has carers come in daily. I thought for sure she'd be worried about all sorts of things - not the least of which is contracting the disease and dying. But she's THRIVING. I didn't realize it would take an apocalypse to not only make her happy, but to keep her focus off me as supply. She has spent almost all her life planning for an event like this. She keeps months worth of food and household goods and has emergency supplies in quantity. All of sudden her decades of preaching about "being prepared" has come true and she has been vindicated. She's ecstatic. She said she's totally prepared with food and supplies until August and probably even after. I don't think dying from or contracting the virus has even entered her mind. It's taken this for me to realize that I believe she thinks she's immortal. Interesting times!
Its a sign of a highly traumatised person. Under dangerous conditions or other similar, they can come out of their shells. Its like normality to them. Their emotions are no longer dysregulated under those conditions. Similar things are found in some PTSD cases with soldiers. That dysregulation is normal in a warzone for them. Think CPTSD for many of them and us, perhaps. But for some reason they go predator.
Shannon Meridian With no exaggeration you are talking about my mother! I am with you , same thing my mother is immortal and now shows her power over the virus ,she's made of iron, but throwing all her anxiety on us , I keep my focus and I distance myself from the manipulation!!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽
"I don't think dying from or contracting the virus has even entered her mind." This should be the mindset of everyone. I have 0% fear of this flu and ignore every single piece of "news" about it and life is genuinely amazing right now 😊💖✌. The sooner people realise they are letting fear completely dictate their lives the better.
That's mad! I went to see my mother before the lockdown. Her cupboards, fridge freezer, are so well stocked she could last month's without visiting the shops. She always shops at 7am normally when the store is just opened. It irritated her that there was a lot more shoppers than usual at that time
Right on. 9 months complete no contact from ex, 5 months of healing with Richard’s help, and I’m beginning to see the sun shine again!! New and positive friends are coming into my life and it feels good to have my personal boundaries respected and to get the spider webs of deception and manipulation swept from my mind. I feel as tho I escaped something very EVIL.
I have the same feeling .. i remember the first time i went to her place .it felt weird and creepy to see 5 pictures of dead guys (old friends as she said ) on her frig … she did try to destroy me .. and make me go insane .. Im making some weird connections now …
But that is all I want, to heal. As an empath, i feel very sad pity them. Despite all they've put me through, I don't hate or seek revenge. I just want to be free, I dont want to suffer anymore.
I've watched tons of videos on narcissists and narcissistic abuse... This is absolutely the BEST description of of this personality that I've seen, hands down. 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
@@nodaysoff2358 not sure what that’s supposed to mean. But my comment was from two years ago, so whatever point you’re trying to make is invalid by now. I escaped long ago 😉
For me, becoming bored was a step in the right direction. When aspects of my life became more interesting and exciting than the narcissist, this cut right through the B.S. and I started to detach. Something about my personality had initially been intrigued by the narcissist (read: or someone who wasn't giving me the attention I deserved); but, once I was able to replace this intrigue with another SAFER form of intrigue I could draw boundaries and eventually heal. I also had never been comfortable with a "lesser" role in ANY relationship, and that worked to my advantage also. Thanks for a very accurate portrayal of this sick dance.
“What kind of a madman...?” LOL. Every time I hear you say this phrase in your incredulous, yet friendly tone, it always makes me smile and brings a chuckle and a calm and peaceful knowing that I haven’t lost my sense of humor. Thank you!
The parent/child narcissistic dynamic is HUGE. I felt like I was her father and she was my mother simultaneously. Never have I heard this phenomenon clearly articulated.
Some psychologists and therapists encourage the lifelong victim to take "direct revenge" at the abusers, as a method of self empowerment. Revenge could look like telling the truth, writing a book, revealing the abusers' abusive behaviours, reporting the abusive behaviors to the police, filing a lawsuit, reporting it to the boss.
He cheated in the past. I forgave him. He cheated again last summer. I lost my mind. And then I regained it. I started the process of buying a house 1800 miles away. It took me a while to get out and move. He demanded that I submit, called me everything but good, and stupidly expected me to cave. He asked me at one point if I wanted him to find someone else? I unequivocally told him yes without blinking. He simply couldn't believe it. I'm in my home... 4 acres, a modest house, and a giant shop/garage out in the country. It's got a stream and everything. I didn't plan it this way... the property fell in my lap. It's less than 3 miles from my dad's house. I can look after him and his wife. I'm retired military. It's not very expensive. I don't have to work. This house is the same kind of place my ex told me he wanted us to get together. Now I have everything I ever wanted and I'm free. It couldn't get much better. I'm happy and healing. I do giggle when he still tries to get me to come back. I was told I can't move to the midwest. I told him nobody asked you too. He still can't accept it. My karma is clean!
I'm happy for you, at least one person got what they wanted and is free. That makes me happy, knowing you made it. I just hope it's not a lie and that you haven't killed anybody. I mean, have you?
@@PoleHaus why would I need to kill anyone. I have retirement, property is cheap in Indiana. I'm addressing my PTSD. I'm listening to my higher power and when I do things go right. I have a good extended support system. I found an amazing church my cousin invited me too. Nothing is perfect but I've learned to list everything I'm grateful for each morning and night. Gratitude is they key to everything. Even if you dont feel grateful...find something thats a positive and keep doing that. I'm grateful he's out of my life. I'm grateful I'm finding peace, finding me. The remark about killing someone is bizarre. I'm content and planning for a future. My VA education benefits are sending me to school in a few months to become a dog trainer. I plan on starting my own business in time. I have myself back. I haven't had that in years. And good grief why would anyone need to kill someone? If you are referring to military service I worked training pilots to stay alive and I fixed radar simulators. I spent 27 years in the Air Force 7 in a health care field and 20 training pilots in a squadron that only trained pilots which never deployed for anything but training pilots stateside. Your comment is weird.
"Don't get even, get ahead." Also, if you consider yourself my friend but you willingly hang out with a narcissist knowing that they abused me, then bye lol 👋🏾
Thank you for describing my relationship with my Mother, Older Brother, and my Sister. I recently realized that I have been the only one to give everything FREELY, MY ENTIRE LIFE. And they have kept me ABSOLUTELY CONFUSED ABOUT MYSELF FOR 52 years. After much self care and time by myself (I have pets) I have taken inventory of my life and the things I feel any guilt about. I know EXACTLY HOW I HAVE HELPED YOU. I KNOW EXACTLY WHO I AM AND WHY I AM DOING IT. I feel sorry for them. They will have to find someone who can fill the void I left behind. I was very clear about my intentions, and they have NEVER BEEN SELF SERVING.
Unfortunately, narcissists don't care at all about you, they don't give a shit. All that count, is what YOU can do for them. If you can't do nothing anymore, you are as good as garbage bag for them. They will discard you like they never know you. My mother nearly destroyed me. She kill my older sister just by rejeting her over and over again and she died broken hearted. She was only 30 years old. My brother is now a wreck, and I survived because I was lucky enough to meet the best man ever. He literally saved my life. So don't feel sorry for them, because they just using people for themselves, and when they can't no more, they just change target.
I realize this is 4 years old so you're probably not going to see my comment. I was in a very dark, evil, toxicity for a very long time. I truly believed I was the reason for everything going on. It's all me and my fault this person I love would yell at me over and over. I also suffered from a health condition. I needed to get better so I could prove to this man I was worth it. So I did just that and believe it or not I was becoming stronger. 2 years working to heal every aspect of my life. I walked worked in my rock garden and started to heal from myself. It was confusing at first because everyone was amazed at my progress. Everyone except for him. It seemed like he became negative and mean. Well that's when I learned the reality of it all and exactly what I put myself into all these years. 2011 by far the worst year of my life and I had no idea what I would be turning over to this man. EVERYTHING! I knew it was going to be difficult I never put myself first. Once you give that up, you will be slowly picked apart little by little until you are gone. Thrown into the disposal and ground into nothing. I'm on my way out from seeing the devil up close or so I thought. The stronger I get the angrier and toxic he got. We're done but it's far from over. 8 months ago and I finally got the courage to retain an attorney. Almost 15 years of total complete hell and it took me 10 years to see it. 5 years to get More hell and betrayal and lies. I'm still fighting but I am able to loosen the reins. I'm staying strong but there's times I don't want the fight. It's NOT easy probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through and will need much guidance after hes permanently gone from my life. I never imagined that I would be a victim but also brainwashed. And the worst part is, you have a good chance of becoming a narcissist. The tactics that are absolutely necessary to use when you are dealing with a covert narcissist I learned to become a prestine maniulater to get through and survive this. Fight or flight mode constantly turned on. Crazy is an understatement to the toxicity and darkness I had to deal day after day. He truly hates me now. I ask myself was it even love? If he "truly" hates me "now" then he must have hates me back then. That is what I have to believe. This is ridiculously tough and I still have grave fear because it's about to get worse when he gets served. I just know it will. But I'm all in I couldn't turn back even if I wanted to. And I don't ever want this again.
The loser has limits the winner no limitations. When you give up that part of yourself you’re just like them. Stay the course of self. You’re probably like a lot of women whom want to see the best in people. Your success is the best revenge. Karma is real. Go no contact 100% because like cancer they can seem gone but linger in the shadows. So no social media at all. Invest in yourself and the fact you know you can have those tendencies is already a good direction. Best of luck. Humanity is 51% good but political narcissists are tipping the balance and when they are a majority the world will be a terrible place. Best of luck.
What is the biggest thing a narcissist fears? In my opinion the number one thing they fear the most is getting their mask ripped off exposing them for who they truly are to the whole world or even just to one person. Another equally painful thing to the narcissist is abandonment by their main energetic supply source/sources.
You described the sadists perfectly! He was always passing himself off as an empath. Most of the time he was extremely nice, polite, kind and extremely attentive. When the horns came out I was thrown off guard. Lies, deception and triangulation was the new norm. Every time I'd catch him in a lie he'd either pacify me with more lies or be very clear about why I can't question anything he does. All the red flags were there I just didn't believe he was a narcissist. The funny thing is he loved bragging about being so dangerous and unruly, not giving a f*ck about anything/anyone that threatened his survival. When I stopped supporting him financially, cut off the adulation and attention he stuck around with the intention to get me back in submission by saying things like, "It gets no better than me, you're lucky I let you in my world". OR "You know I could be doing a million things but I'm here with you ". It's been 4 months since escaping from the torture chamber. I'm now focused on renewing my heart, spirit and mind♥️
Coffee good work and give yourself a pat on the back and a hug for doing such a loving thing for yourself like leaving this life draining entity. These people can help us out like Tonia Evans says, they bring us down to the ground so that we can build ourselves back up in a healthy way. This is what happened to me and which I really needed to work on myself. I wasn't grateful at the time but I am now for her helping me to do this which I may have never done without this horrible time in my life when I was being played like a fiddle. She was a master narc and I was a master codependent. . Mine said the same thing after she asked me was I leaving because of another women, which is what she would do cause you gotta have supply on the line before you leave the other narc supply. She said your not going to find anybody out there better than me and she truly meant this. She also said god must be punishing her because all her relationships ended. Again with no insight into her part in making this happen. They have no clue or are in such denial, I don't even know. Work on your self and one day you'll be grateful for having had this person in your life. I love coffee too.
Mine seemed like the perfect relationship too. Very kind and giving until he wasn't. It was scary because you're like, no way...but then you step back and you're like, yes way. Wow.
This is my husband. He acts like he really changed but really he just got smoother at controlling me. Found a bunch of lies and it made me pay attention. Saw where he looked up phone trackers then he had the audacity to tell me how morally wrong they are. It made my stomach drop. He wouldn’t let me leave the house during arguing, physically restrained me. Then of course excuses it by saying he’s worried about what I will do. Gaslighting me when he really just controlling me. I made my escape to my parents. Told him I would work with him while separated if he could admit how much he lies and manipulates me. He could not now, it’s all my fault, I’m a cheater and using drugs blah blah.
Richard this piece on narcissism is right on. The sphere of influence, your child/parent analogy is perfect, and to prove that they’re are not like a god or goddess is beautiful. The way you explain all that you have to say on this topic is revolutionary compared to the rest of the videos I’ve been watching. Thank you so much for your interest and study of narcissists. You have a gift. Thank you
I was able to leave 2 witchy Narcs in an old neighborhood that has gone all way downhill it's like a demilitarized zone. I'm out in the calm cool fancy burbs now with caring neighbors who watch out for us not try to undo us. I've been away for 3 and half years now. I still go back there to see family ( they deserve to sit in their own swill too lol ) and I say living well is the best revenge. Winning!
Love this❣️ I feel compassion due to his obvious childhood trauma causing such PD. However, he doesn’t get a pass. We can’t control what happens to us in childhood but as adults it’s our responsibility to do our inner work and take the necessary steps to heal. It’s paramount to stop the cycle. I’m grateful for the courage and bravery required to make the conscious decision to (a) learn the truth and stop living in denial, (b) take the action required to leave, and (c) do the work required to heal. I thank my angels for the guidance and strength required. 🙏😇💙
Enjoyed your presentation. I'm a natural empath and have tended to attract NPD friends and associates all my life. I've long since figured all this stuff out for myself by now though it's good to have the formal terms to put to the various phenomena. Less than a week ago I finally ditched on of my two best 'mates' (after twenty six and a half years!). He was precisely the person you describe in the video, to a fault. I'm anticipating he'll go through a phase of confusion/surprise, then one of sorrow, then I'm expecting a campaign of revenge. Best way to deal with a narcissist? Ignore the hell out of 'em and power forward with your life. Without you they either crumble ... or mooch off of somebody else instead.
If you have any friends you want to keep, do the narcissist trick and get to them and tell them that you think he is losing his mind. :) And to watch out for him if he starts making crazy accusations. Use their own tricks, I especially think you should warn your family, anyone you want to keep in your life, otherwise he will take them all.
This is true. Right before I met him something use to call my name in the night while I slept. I started leaving the radio on. When he came along I knew he was a demon. His eyes were really dark at times. He didn't even have a shadow. I stayed because I believed I deserved it.
Watched this for a positive reason, to understand why he behaved in the way he did. It all makes sense. The terror of loosing someone causes them to scheme against, lie to, control, manipulate them until they are ready to move to the next target. I am healing.
Great presentation ! I went through all of the things you described with my narc. Without knowing anything about narcissists at the time, I instinctively reacted correctly by ignoring, avoiding, not speaking to him, and resisting every attempt that he made to regain control over me, which was indeed difficult to do because he was a relation of mine, and lived very close by. Of course he hated me for escaping from his sphere of influence. On one occasion at a celebration, which was very successfully organised without him, he stood up and strutted up to the DJ and roared at him „ Are you at home here, or am I?“ Of course, the music then stopped. When walking away, his daughter screamed after him „You are just scum!“ He then turned around, and using his arm, wiped glasses and bottles from a table, smashing them on the floor. From his point of view he had regained control of the situation, by disrupting and ending the celebration. He could not stand not being in control, and in situations like this one, and in others that I experienced with him, his ploy was quite simply „Control or destroy“.
I learned that when I found the strength to extract myself out of a cycle of abuse with the narsisist that I really ended up the winner. I went no contact about a year ago and have heard through the grapevine that they were not doing well at all for a significant amount of time. In the beginning I was happy when I heard that. After all of the abusive and disloyal things that were done, I felt like this person was getting what was due to them because I had not done anything of deal breaking importance, wrong in the relationship. I always remember her projecting on to me about "all of the things you do wrong". It used to piss her off, I would say, "I didn't do anything wrong". She would scream, "Nooo, you, don't do anything wrong". I would reply, "tell me what I did wrong" ? She usually had no answers. Later I found out that at some of those times she just felt bad about losing control of herself when she was drinking and sleeping with an old boyfriend or someone she had picked up in the bar. They are real pros at pretending to be something they are not. I learned some good lessons on what I won't accept from others in friendships or relationships. Yeah, when they see that you took your broken self of a person from their abuse, and then turn that all around and not only heal,, but thrive without them, I think that is a huge blow to their ego...
I had a narc counsellor, that I didn't even realise till months later , get what you saying ,honestly , I just want to heal from the experience and be better
We are Not the other Player in their tennis match from Hell, We are the Ball.. Only picked up and played with, whenever they feel like it, thrown to the wall for their entertainment, put down when they're bored and discarded when it gets old...for a newer ,more vibrant and bouncier ball.
"Escaped" this week... Lost count as to how many times I've tried- but this time infidelity was involved-probably a blessing in disguise to help me stick to my plan. Have been listening to your lessons and discussions for about a year now; both older and newer ones. I can't tell you how valuable they have been for me~ THANK YOU Just laying out the Relationship dynamic was helpful to understand more clearly in this presentation. Focusing on MY healing is my goal at this point. You're a blessing to many people-thank you again.
same..where there is infidelity....there are lies and vice versa ..GAME OVER...Time to build myself up ... NOW I know y he is quiet..anxious (it's my place) and NOT feeding him ...jus really observing him but Pitt in stomach as I don't trust him but addicted....
Hoping my friend finally sees the light. He has left the evil one, is finally asking questions about narcissim. Only because she is accusing him of being one. That makes me mad, because it is the FURTHEST thing from the truth. She is textbook narc. I am enlightening him best I can as to what he's up against. He really deserves real love. How he attracted that demon, I'lll never understand. I guess it's hard to see until your living in it. I pray anyone going through this gets out safely.💖
@@jamaicanjoyh6883 wow, I know that hurt😞. I pray you get through the pain, and become strong and attract a real true friend. All you really need is one. But I know our journies aren't easy sometimes. I've been through much hurt as well. Still go through it. The best thing I can recommend is nurture yourself. Even if that means being a couch potato for awhile eating pasta😋. Lol. Im doing that 2day. Going for a walk sounds cliche, but you can get some great clarity when your by yourself out on a walk. Sending you a virtual hug🤗 💖
Also, removing yourself emotionally from their galaxy (completely exiting their sphere of influence) as the stick man diagram illustrated and simultaneously gaining autonomy does naturally equate to "healing" forget that this aggravates these people. All you should be concerned with is leaving that orbit (yesterday if not sooner)...You might be in a situation where it seems that the little world of people that you are surrounded by is too large to escape.. It isn't ... these are just people in a microcosm.. try to put it into context. It's similar to a tiny grain of sand in a vast desert. That's the scale. Life is short. Don't let these people control your state of mind. They control you with shame and fear...Be fearless and shameless. It blows their mind, and it totally neutralizes them.
good thoughts and I agree. Richard put on the board, I think something about individuation. This is what I'm trying to do as I heal from codependency when I was constantly focused on others and not myself, and a big reason i was with my narcissistic ex. I work with 2 narcissist and I'm their target. They do all the narc tricks including the smear campaign. I find I'm the odd man out at work because of this. I'm using this as my opportunity to work on truly not caring what these people think at work or anyone for that matter. What matters is what I think about myself. These 2 little demons have given me this opportunity to truly individuate, which I know if I really want to live my authentic life, I need to do. They also have given me the opportunity to set boundaries on a consistent basis as well, which I couldn't do to save my life and need the practice. A quote attributed to Lao Tzu which I like: When one believes in oneself one doesn't need to convince others, when one is content with oneself one doesn't need others approval, when one accepts oneself the whole world accepts him or her. Now I've been working on this for a long time now and I haven't done it alone. My staying with my ex for as long as I did was a symptom of my disease as were my addictions. The disease was I was a fragmented person who came from a dysfunctional family. As I've slowly healed those wounds and learned new tools, like setting boundaries, I can handle these 2 narcs. If I hadn't done this work these 2 would've destroyed me. We have to do our work and the problem is we don't know there is work to be done. I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to start to come into alignment with my true self and encourage others to do the same. Most of my work was done in 12 step programs.
So true all the way. Mine hates talking about feelings or trying to come to any kind of solution at all. Nothing ever gets better at all either. It's like talking to a damn wall. Which is why I have decided not to bother anymore and just walk away and move on with my life. Let him be all by himself.
This is the best video on narcissism I have ever seen. It is helping me get over my toxic ex ONCE AND FOR ALL. I love myself, and I wish him the best, but he is NOT healthy for me. The cycle is DONE.💗🙏
