The 5 MIND GAMES Narcissists Use To MANIPULATE YOU! | Dr Ramani 

Narcissists r not mind readers. I lied to my narc ex about vulnerabilities I didn’t have. Then when he tried to use them to hurt me it didn’t work. Never tell another person your secrets and vulnerabilities. In this time of toxicity trust no one!!!

If a narcissist does something for you or your family, it is purely transactional...and you will never hear the end of it.

"the whole relationship feels like a big misunderstanding" - yes!!! This!!

I am an older person... and once I started watching Dr Ramini's channel, I realized how many MANY narcissists I have had in my life over the years.

Exhausted from the games and gaslighting is exactly what happened to me. Kicking you when you are down is the specialty of the narcissist.

Narcissists are exhausting. It’s great when you get past them, finally.

Holy crap, the line about narcissists expecting you to read their minds really hits home. I don’t know how many times I’ve “caused” a fight by not reacting the way they wanted me to react, by not doing things in the precise way that they wanted it done.

Dr. Ramani. You, honestly, have saved my life. My physical body. My mental state. My emotionally balance. The whole ME (trying to remember who I am) This narcissistic partner (14 years with him) almost destroyed me. Until I found your educational videos (and my own rage). Thank you dr.! With all my heart ❤ I owe you! ❤

The helping one is the most annoying because it doesn't have to be a grand gesture. All they have to do is mask being polite and people think they're great!

Being on the wrong end of a narcissistic person I can confirm with experience is awful , they have no empathy , no real feelings , they are fake .

Once I get gaslit, shamed and guilt-tripped when I KNOW I DID NOTHING WRONG, I will just remove myself from their presence. I dont care about them.

People with strength and boundaries turn them off, and only people pleaser types will actually feel guilty for this kind of mind game BS. This is why an internal locus of self worth and boundaries becomes so critical!

My problem is, oftentimes I can see through persons’ BS at the very first moment they speak to me, but as an empath I pretend not seeing it because I want to avoid any conflict and afraid others would see me as freak. No longer do that anymore. I accept who I am and I’m practicing being honest with compassion. 😂

It is so hard to understand someone doing these things on purpose.

My ex used to say to me, "No one will ever love you like I do." I was completely seduced by that phrase. Then he totally screwed me over .

My narc father prevented my mom to find a job, he horribly shamed her and started arguments and openly commanded her not to shame him by going for these “low-class” positions and then after their divorce he gets real close to her face and tells her “why don’t you get a job?” …little did he know she already did, all she did was laugh as he was leaving. Not only did she get a job, she got a government job notoriously hard to get and aced all her exams to get it. Something many people couldn’t achieve. She told me it surprised her how capable she was to do something like that. To this day she is proud of her accomplishments. These narcs poison lives with their control and bullying. He ruined my life as well, I only come to realize in my late twenties the name of this sickness and learning more and more about this is helping me develop my life again, a development that was stunted horribly since I can remember at age 2. Horrible memories…the freedom to think, do, live taken away. I had to protect my inner self and learned early on how to fake, I didn’t even realize what I was doing but it’s plainly survival.

One of the things that has come up several times on your channel, including in this video, is the exhaustion one feels while being in a narcissist relationship. I was so oblivious to how it was being used against me. After all, an exhausted person is more easily manipulated. However, I remember that while I was in a narcissistic relationship my mother commented that I was always tired. Little did she know that it was because of the abuse I was suffering.

The most painful and brain racking tactic that my husband had told me in arguments was those things that I was supposedly tell him, not the other way around. It made me so confused and shocked that a lot of times I was speechless and defenseless. For example, he would tell me in a heated argument: (I am tired of babysitting you, stop being lazy and dependable). At that time, I never knew he was describing himself to the core. After many many years, I realized that every single accusation was a confession. I respect and love you Dr. Ramani with all my heart.

My mind is blown away...16 years of marriage you explained in one hour. Thank you for the work you are doing and the lives you are saving. I've been playing mind reader for 16 years..I just don't say anything anymore because anything I say wrong. I also grew up in a chaotic home so it always seemed normal.

My two biggest narcissistic people in my life are my mom and my ex. My mom is the queen of manipulation and I’ve been getting stronger though

“You can’t be a mindful and present asshole” absolute gold 😂 you’re just brilliant! thank you for always calling out things exactly for what they are and so unapologetically, I value this type of truth and honesty so much 🙏🏻

I'm still in the narc relationship, 5yrs in, and I'm just now researching and understanding our dynamic. There really is no hope for these people, is there? 😒 I spent so long getting breadcrumbs and hanging onto hope. It's finally hitting me that there is none..

You are my hero madam! So succinct, so down to earth, and no nonsense. My daughter was heading down a slippery slope, but can't to me for help. I warned her if she really wanted me to help she better be fine because I was going to pull out a side of me she had no idea existed! She can't back to me a few days later and said she had enough, please help mom! I pulled every truck in the book, ran interference between her and her narcissist, I hid her behind me literally and figuratively. He had no idea what hit him. The rage. O. M. G!!! 😯 I've never seen such hell on wheels in my 62 years! No movie, no real life situation has laid me to witness such fury! Daughter went 100% zero contact. The story and his attempts to retake control is a very long story, but that asshole has an arsenal that's actually quite impressive. But he didn't known I've got a well stocked and powerful Arkansas of my own. The main weapon in mine is my love for my daughter. It knows no bounds. I'll step in front of a bullet, a train, a speeding car, you name it I know without a doubt Is do what I have to if it means I save her! I did what I had to do to keep him from accessing my daughter. She was terrified to stay home alone while I was at work. I arranged to have a couple of male friends- who are huge, mean, and protective of me and my daughter (they are lifelong friends of my late husband)- to come and stay with her while I am at work. If they are busy she can go to one of their houses and stay with their wives. They are careful they are not followed by anybody, in case he sits in wait for her to leave and follow her, or have someone do it for him. He said, after he realized she was gone, and gone for good, that he'll get to her, he will have his chance to make her see that she belongs to him, even if he has to kidnap her and take her far away! He also told me to watch my back and I told him to bring it, nothing he does is interesting or scary to me. I was so calm in telling him those words that he was shaking so hard he could barely stand up. Then I walked away. He couldn't even say anything he was so livid. He is irrelevant. It's been three months, and this last month he's gone silent. His mother and I are friends, she had to cut him out of her life, because he is so toxic she was extremely stressed, then her blood pressure went through the roof! Her doctor told her she was going to have a stroke if she didn't find a way to separate from the anxiety and constant stress. He is just like his father she says. He has also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. So, for the last month of the three since my daughter came to me to help her get away, he has gone completely silent. Daughter got a new phone and it's in my name so he can't look up her number, but it was my phone he was blowing up, just as I intended. His mother says she believes he is seeing someone new. Unfortunately she still has to talk to his demon father because they still have a business together, though all she does is have input because she's major stockholder, and not one thing can happen without her signature. He absolutely hates that, but seems to be mellowing in his old age. He told her the demon spawn is seeing someone new. My daughter cried when I told her. I asked why she was crying, and she told me it's not sadness mom, it's relief! Overwhelming relief from dodging a bullet that she knew would kill her eventually. She's so happy this last month. She laughs again, she sings again while she is working on her crafts, she sleeps soundly and restfully. Her only lingering issue is she remains afraid when I'm at work. But our guards are in it for the long haul, and with the blessings of their wives, and standing invitation for her to go stay with them if the men are busy. Is it frightening dealing with a narc that is in a full blown rage? Honestly? Nope. He doesn't scare me in the least. I can defend myself too if the need arises. It is surprising to see that level of fury from a person though. Actually it's surreal. I hope to never see that kind of rage again, it is discombobulating to say the least. But fear? Nah. They are actually just spoiled, insolent, bratty 6 year olds not getting their way and tossing a tantrum. I suppose I should be afraid to a certain degree, but the "hell no!!!" factor in my anger at him hurting my daughter does not allow fear to creep in. I've no fear when it comes to protecting her.

The narcissists did to me, gaslighting, manipulating, sabotaging,, lying, love bombing, hot & cold, hovering, self reflecting and two faces

The reason I feel people fall for narcissists is because narcissists appear to be interested. They are only interested in someone for an agenda. Traits of a narcissist like lieing, drama , everyone is out to get them, self centered , etc. Thank you .

I can tell you that constantly trying to avoid a blow up is exhausting. I am fortunate enough to now leave, totally, this relationship. I may occasionally see this other person in group situations, but i can smile, then avoid. I would rather be lonely than be back where I was.

It’s crazy how they can manipulate a skilled therapist

This is exactly what happened in my marriage. It was EXHAUSTING to manage and engage and eventually I just disconnected to stop it.

My husband does this. After 22 years he still doesn't know me at all "unless I tell him." We have a large mirror in our bathroom - if my husband and I are in the room at the same time, he will talk to me while watching himself in the mirror. It's almost as if he's talking to himself and I'm not there.

Thanks so much for this valuable information! I've been completely out of the narc relationship for more than 3 years and am finally almost back to a sense of normal calm. But I continue to watch these as they keep me feeling strong and safe. Anyone who has been through narcissistic abuse understands that. It's taken years for me to fully understand that "it wasn't my fault."

Mine always says to me "you should know why" every time. And I always say "I'm not a mind reader". He says "thats your fault". Now I understand why he says that. Thank you Dr. Ramani

I've given up on dealing with the resentment and sarcasm: I have better things to do than listen to the narcissist.

I have Asperger’s and sometimes I imitate people to fit in. When I met a girl who did the same to me, I took pity on her because I thought she was undiagnosed Aspie. Unfortunately I was actually dealing with a narcissist

During a couples trip, our friend’s wife recommended therapy to us.. Because I said “ if my spouse came home and saw me looking sad, they’ll just match my mood, not ask what’s wrong or try to cheer me up”.. I realize now, that it’s a part of that mirroring piece.. therapy won’t help because they don’t care or think they’re doing anything wrong..

My last narc on our first date he asked me about 20-30 questions it see what I had of value… I kept saying “I don’t have that, I don’t have any major credit cards, I don’t have a lot of money, clothes, shoes… “ he later tried to make me feel less than for not having the materialism. I thought it was funny that he didn’t have much to work with or exploit 😂 I am a minimalist… him saying “You don’t have ANYTHING!!” made me feel great before I have all I need. I told him I wasn’t working and he kept saying “Yea, go work out since you don’t have a job!”, “When are you getting a job?”, begun to text me high paying jobs… every conversation was “Have you decided what you going to do about a job?”, “I told him I’m waiting on the Lord and will not work for 6 months… Yet when we met he said “I don’t want you to work but stay at home” I called him out on his behavior and I got rid of him quickly. I googled that he spent 6yrs in federal prison for wire fraud and mortgage fraud… I think he is a malignant

The mind reading. Yes. I was just getting to that. A child of narcissistic parents is very intuitive. It's the hyper-vigilance of having to navigate such perilous terrain in fear of the moment the love would be snatched away again. This happened often and even when it was the actions of others, that were completely beyond my control. My parenrs divorced and the hatred and shenanigans, the horrific vindictiveness---between not just my parents, but BOTH FAMILIES was beyond brutal for a sensitive child--Got sent to a psychologist who observed i was mixed up, but he was on mommys side, and i knew how to act to have the love----just as i did, with those on daddys side----so basically, the psych got a lot right and my life was predicted by a professional before the courts in deposition-all those people were told yet, MY SITUATION DID NOT CHANGE. IN FACT--the worst part, my mother was even worse, covertly abusive and far more damaging than the others. She just got to continue f-&cking me up, and moved on to my kids! While pointing fingers at my fathers side and making herself look like a martyd saint! Im so sick of being told how good she was and how much she loved me.! Shes dead and continues to steal my joy. Im an alienated mother and alone.

Yes. The mirroring and imitation. Absolutely creepy and stalky! Feels like Twilightzone. Like someone is trying to steal me!

They mirror you when they play the victim. I notice he uses my exact phrases and sentences I use when attempting to set boundaries with him. When I told him not to yell at me - he was so angry that I set a boundary with him that he tried to bait me, and when I mildly fell for the bait (getting frustrated but in no way yelling the way he was) he had what he wanted - the opportunity to yell "stop yelling at me" in a faux scared voice....so he could be the victim. It's insane. He's so not the victim to the point he can only be one if he copies the phrases from me! He copies my phrases because he doesn't actually know what it's like to be the victim!! He needs to copy me!

🌹I love you! You saved my life, he almost killed me the last time! You’re my hero, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for making clear all the confusion. 💝🥰

My Narcissist future X husband was a man of all traits and helped fix 3 of my Mom's homes. Building decks to wiring the home and hanging dry wall. My mom would awe and ohhh over him and take his side when I was upset. Now, though she see's what he is and told me it makes her ill to think of all the praise she Gave him.

Mirroring is so real, One of the best things you can do to see a narcissist’s mirroring in action is to observe them with people you don’t like or trust. In my experience (and I’ve seen it in two different people) they became so similar to the people they were trying to ingratiate themselves with, I could hardly recognize them. Unfortunately, I did not take it as seriously as I should have at the time.

Counseling together with a narcissistic person is a joke. They simply con the therapist. Living here in radical acceptance and structured scheduling to live separately. He thinks everything is good 🤷‍♀️… works if you need to stay together. Thank you for the release of hoping of change

My ex-boyfriend was everything you described. I was devastated. He devastated my family, calling them to report inflated stories. Maybe there was something unsettling in myself that kept me in this crazy cycle. I finally realized I had a choice in how I am treated. I realized the"why" in why would I continue to do this to myself? Thank you so much for your videos, I have learned a plethora of new information and I am grateful to finally be on the other side. Peace and Kindness

Amazing, this helped me realize some of the reasoning behind a narcissist who raised me. It doesn’t excuse their actions or make me want to forgive them, but rather helps me come to terms with my upbringing and why it played out the way it did. A part of my healing definitely is learning to understand things that confused me as a child. Thank you.

My narcissistic ex was extremely upset for my having given him the "wrong gift." This person was often also annoyed when I approached him with certain topics at the "wrong time," all because I was expected to read his mind, act accordingly and to know which topics to avoid all at the same time, depending on his fluctuating mood which could turn into emotional dysregulation at any time like an explosive time bomb. When I asked him to communicate his needs and requests, I was shut down with a comment that I should be able to understand his needs and requests without him communicating them to me - his grandiosity and self-centeredness is flabbergasting.

I use to say I can't read your mind, to the covert one. Another thing is they change their mind often, sometimes without letting you know.

Thank you, doc. Ramani. I left my narcisisstic boyfriend almost 2 years ago, and he punched me right in the eye when (tired of the continuos gislighting, manipulation, silent treatment and mental violence I experiencing) I told him I was walking out the door. My life, and my self confidence, has reached peaks I would have never even dreamt of achieving. I have learnt what my self worth actually is and will never ever let anyone take it away from me. At the time, though, I did not really know "what" I had to deal with; I thought he was just some evil, drug addict nuisance. But understanding what it was all about heals my PTS even more. Thank you so much for your effort.

dude... i learned about reactive abuse and honestly before therapy i thought i was a narcissist because of all these videos.. i.don't purposely manipulate people and i actually have compassion & empathy.. I have cptsd.. codependent af, insecure abandonment trauma,, overtly sensitive to those i love.. i was all that.. ugggh... some of what Dr. Ramani described with "love bombing" & my intensity in the past has been a lot to deal with in some of my relationships with people... gifts are part of my love language & i used to people please because i wanted to be loved... i thought i had to & didn't want anything back other than a sense of security. My inability to manage my expectations & understand there was no threat of abandonment oftentimes until i created it by not having proper boundaries and basically radiating chaos. has been a hell of a realization... Yes, i've been dealing with Narcissistic people who have reinforced my traumas even when i've explicitly told them they were doing so but my unhealed ass tolerated abuse repeatedly which unfortunately boiled over into my otherwise healthy relationships... i experienced a lot of what's in this video..coupled w/ already existing shit things were terribly toxic.. it sucked... it's sooo important to heal yourself and enter relationships as a healthy person not only to avoid perpetuating toxicity in general but to simply protect yourself & not ever be a victim again. Healing has been a wild journey, it's really hard but every day feels better than it used to.

Hi Dr Ramani. Thinking back, I remember when we first started dating, he kept staring at me. He gave me ONE compliment in 5 years. He told me he was "falling in love with me." That's how it started, then, it took off from there. EVERYTHING I did was GREAT! (According to him). The Love bombing was terrific, and I fell for him. I loved him! He told me that he always liked women with dark hair and brown eyes, but I was the opposite. He said he's shocked that he fell for blonde hair, blue eyes. Sorry to disappoint you. Well, he finally found her when I left him. This was 11.4 years ago, and God knows where he's at. All I know is, I'm FREE! GREAT TOPIC..BTW, I met quite a few narcs and I RUN from them.

Oh, just a few minutes ago I've read the African proverb Beware when a naked man offers you a shirt, on Facebook and scribbled it down as narcissistic and applying well to my narcissist. Now I am hearing it from the number one specialist in narcissistic abuse. Thank you, Dr Ramini.

Yes, he mimics me, and I find it extremely creepy. I know very little about his childhood and I've been an open book. It feels like an invasion of the body snatchers. This has helped me so much. I felt like I was the only one who's dealing with this phenomenon.

1. How they mirror you 2. How they toy with you (cat and mouse) 3. How they want you to read their minds 4. How they false mindfulness 5. How they help out with strings attached(sudo generosity)

Between you and Dr. Carter, I'm becoming a pro at keeping these narcs at bay. Thank you for your wisdom 🙌

Reminded me of my narcisssitic ex -- "You're going to have to work hard to keep from being like your mom. Here's what you should do: ___do_something_for_me___. ___do_something_for_me___. ___do_something_for_me___. Oh and while we're at it, relationships are hard for me, I don't want to see you as often as ___in_the_lovebombing_phase__." Thanks for posting Dr Ramani

I've tried to have a conversation with the narc telling him all the things he does to me is abusive. He deny everything and lies about it. He has anger issues and somehow puts it on me. Telling me if I will just listen and follow his lead he wouldn't talk to me bad or call me names. He says the only way he can get my attention is call me names. Then he'll buy me something nice and carry on like nothing has happened. Until his next explosion. I'm tired and when talk of leaving he threatens me with our child.

OMG, “beware when a naked man offers u his shirt”. This describes how a narc pretended to have a lot to give , when they had zero. But, not seeing that, it can be little things that entangle U to them. As it went on, I was doing a lot for them, so I planned a year out, how I was going to disentangle the web that connected us to each other. Initially, I believe I asked for a favor first, & Little did I know what I was getting into & it took me a long time to figure out. This narc is covert, has a defiance disorder, is needy, & loves revenge. Every narc is unique in the ways they try to manipulate & control others. Thanks for shedding light on the mirroring, bc I just realized it did happen, then the discard began. & I was told not to discuss what I was going thru. They demanded control over me & what I could talk about.

When I was with my ex husband he and his family emotionally abused and gaslit me so much, after several years I caught pneumonia, developed an allergy, caught various illnesses, slammed my finger in a car door where my nail fell off and eventually had a nervous breakdown and became suicidal while he sat by and watched. I was so low, I had no time to notice all his lies and subterfuge. Eventually I left, since the divorce has been over, my health has never been better.

Part 2: I was exhausted from his insanity creating self. I fell into a massive depression. When I wasn’t working, I was sleeping and crying. I finally got medicine and had to hide it from him because he kept telling me it was all my fault and he thought I was faking. I did leave…

It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.

I recently cut off a narcissistic friend of several years 2 months ago. He still continues to come to my home every 2 weeks, but I don't answer or communicate. I blocked his number on my phone. He left me a written note on my porch stating how dumb I was acting, that I need help, that I'm acting psycho, and obviously unhappy in my life, and then he came over again fake crying and stating he was sorry over and over then left when I didn't open the door! He just described himself😮 He is a very sick person a narcissist, pathological liar, delusional, and lives in fantasy life. I feel so free from all of the stress, manipulation, lies, gaslighting, stealing and lying to me!. Will he ever disappear and go away forever? I stay strong and don't communicate or react, no contact at all!!!🙏 Thanks for your professional wonderful knowledge and videos!🙏

My dad is more into “stillness” and getting reacquainted with nature. He has a very grandiose attitude about his spirituality. I used to think he and I were on the same faith journey but now I’m realizing it’s because he was mirroring me. He has a non profit where he helps people in the inner city get access to vegetables and even has classes to teach people how to garden. The irony is he has a quote on his website about the importance of getting people involved and hands on teaching despite the fact he never taught me a damn thing. The only thing I learned growing up with him was how amazing and compassionate he was. It wasn’t until I woke up to his hypocrisy that our relationship changed. He and I both have radically different political views as well despite how much he tries to mirror his views with mine. It’s gotten to the point that I really can’t be around him anymore. Now I can see the cycle he’s put me through. Love bombing to reel me back into a relationship with him, having a honeymoon season with him where he acts like he cares but the moment there’s a disagreement it’s awful and I’m done with it.

My narcissist LOVES invalidating my U.R cycling Bipolar I. I often get teased for consistently going to therapy and psychiatry and taking my meds.

I am not a spiritual person, but for me to describe finding Dr. Ramani, I would have to say that I believe in miracles.

I was in a bad situation and had just met a new friend who really helped me out in an emergency. He ended up asking me to stay, and I did. Within a couple of months, he was pressuring me to date and while I felt completely unequipped to be involved with anyone, I was also vulnerable to the attention, and I felt very pressured because I had accepted his kindness. It was like an invisible Price tag for his kindness. I convinced myself I was reading into it, and we did seem to work well together. It wasn’t that there were no feelings there, and more that I just didn’t think I was in a good place for it. I did end up dating him, for several years, but the abuse was present and insidious. He would say I never needed to ask to spend time with my friends but then get angry that I did without asking me to spend more time with him if he felt he needed it. He would try to label my feelings about personal situations that had nothing to do with him and find some personal slight in it. He would get angry and say he shouldn’t need to tell me what he needs, I should just know, and if I didn’t then obviously I didn’t love him. At one point he was making off-hand comments about if we got married someday, really early on in our relationship, which scared me. But later, he would say that he was just using a figure of speech. Since when is “If we ever get married” a figure of speech? It evolved into being told I’m a selfish narcissist for trying to go back to university, accused of cheating (turns out he was cheating on me- his excuse was that he doesn’t connect love and sex and we weren’t in a relationship to begin with. Excuse me? I’ve been in a committed, monogamous relationship with this person for three years, during which the words “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” were regular words). At its worst, he tried to tell me that I told him I’d recently secretly terminated a pregnancy (three years ago, I was told by my gyn that I can’t have children and given an iud). It was absolutely psychotic levels of gaslighting. I ended up having to completely block him and go no contact because the abuse had escalated so much so quickly that I couldn’t mentally handle it anymore.

This video was so good!!!! I'm growing a set. I'm about to turn 55 in January, and I told God, "I want to start a new, drama free life by 55" Please pray for me. We don't even live together. We were married for 9 months, til I got tired of crying myself to sleep every night, waking up with puffy eyes, yet, we still hang out, we'll be 70 miles from home and he will start something or the silent treatment. So exausted.

Mind reading ! I have JUST recently discarded my notion that my ex narc is willing to be just friends! I have spent a continued familiar 3 year post relationship roller coaster ride ( hamster wheel) "friendship" with my ex narc of 19 years because he knew I was hoping to be friends and neighbors. He knew what I wanted, so he manipulated with every mind game he had because what he truly was after was to get back in my good graces so he could get back into the beautiful house we built on 24 acres that he no longer lived in! I know now, as hard as it was to swallow, that just like in our 19 year "future faking" , "gaslit" relationship, he manipulated me in a 3 year "shaming, future faking, bread crumbing, baiting" FRIENDSHIP! I"m done. But in the last weeks of this ride I could clearly see how good he was as speaking in vague terms and conversation leaving his intentions for me to guess. And guess I did! He'd say things like, " I decided that I want to go out to dinner tonight" ( but he didn't say,"Do you want to go out to eat with me?")... He'd add, "I made up my mind that I was going to have fish tonight" ( but he didn't say, "Are you interested in seafood for a meal with me tonight?") and because we have danced the codependent-narcissist dance for the past 19 years, ... on cue I would respond with, " Did you want to go grocery shopping and we'll get fish and I'll cook it or do you want to go out to dinner?" I recognized him doing this day after day as he was trying to manipulate me back into his fold. I also recognized that this was also a way for him to NOT commit to a situation, because if needed later on, he could say, " I never invited you to dinner. That was YOUR idea!" ... or..." YOU were the one who invited me for dinner! I never said I wanted you to cook for me!" YES. Mind Reading 101! Glad I finally have figured it all out. Thank you. Thank you for being my continued therapy for breaking away from this manipulative abuse! My personal therapist got me going and YOU, Dr. Ramani, keep me on track with this difficult journey!

My Narc ex once woke me up having a tantrum that I didn’t know he was hungry or that he was hungry for a specific thing and how could I be sleeping when he wanted me to have made him that thing and presented it to him. He threw a soup can at me. He missed. I still have the can as a trophy that I survived that man.

The cat and mouse thing is really accurate. I get so tired that I can't do things for myself and be proactive and plan

Thank you yet again for your brilliant analogies and eloquent way of explaining things. You are helping so many and yet I'm sad that I am (as all of us here) in such a great need of this information in order to heal. I'm glad you have this job, but boy do I wish we could go into a different business together ... and get rid of all narcissistic traits or send narcissists to another planet.

Everything you have said, I am going through it at this very moment. I am getting my own place now. We've been together for ten hard long ass years. I am so tired. My dad passed away last year, and I took care of my dad without the help of anyone, just me and God. Then one day he acted out, and he said to me that I am a horrible person, and that I treated my dad badly. I closed my eyes and I took a deep breath, and walked away. Then when I repeated what he said, he told me that he never said that. When he realized that I was not backing down, he said that I miss understood what he said. I can't wait to get from around him. Because if I don't I will kill him!!!

They think their narcissism isn’t noticeable to others. Their pride makes them think they are getting away with their behavior. God sees everything, and can see the evil intent of their hearts!! We pray for those who have no fear of Our Lord Jesus Christ!🙏 If they repent, God is kind & merciful!🕊💞 He will forgive them if they “truly” repent!🙏 God bless you Dr. Ramani!🙏❤️🌸

You saved me Dr. RAMANI. Thank you si much for being an angel on this Earth and helping those of us that lost ourselves to these happiness suckers.

I've experienced the narcissist helping my family and charming them, to have the upper hand. When it comes to me being believed or trusted, that goes out the window because of the wonderful narcissist being so kind and helpful.

We are better off alone and happy in today's world. I lied to my ex and all of the things I lied about he did exactly what I thought he would do. He used everything I said to him against me to make himself the one that didn't do anything wrong.

Thank you for mentioning "generous" narcs. I'm married to one. He's very successful and rich. He gives to people in dire straits, and then he's got 100% control of them, which he loves. He gives professional favors and/or $$$. His giving is self-serving and transactional with strings-attached galore.

Emulation is how I figured out each time he found new sources. He’d use social media and target interests, learn about them and then tell all his new interests - in tandem communication changed, trigger buttons pushed them discarded. 5 X I fell for it until I had to choose me.

Okay I absolutely LOVE the cat and mouse analogy. My favorite animal is the Scorpion Mouse, which is the mighty hunter of the desert. It hunts scorpions. It can leap faster and higher and has a stronger bite than normal mice. Once it is stung, the venom locks up its sodium channels so it can no longer feel pain. It is strong, aggressive, and a meat eater. It lives in the wild and can outleap snakes. You can only catch this one by surprise, and I can see my narc sister coming for miles away.

Sorry to finally realize my sister was a narc. Mom had to find ways to separate us because I would not put up with her BS. Sadly, my 2 younger sisters suffered damages having to deal with her.

My father and my step mother are narcissistic. I feel lost. Thank you for your videos

If you find yourself needing theses videos. After the toxic relationship is over,you may need to continue for reminders and support!

I can’t thank you enough for explaining to me in this very moment, how my world shrank. This is exactly how I became isolated, and now that I am an empty nester, there is no one left in our lives, except for a few relatives who don’t even live in the same state as we do. Our out of town children can’t even tolerate a visit with us for any more than a few days. Please do a video on the aging narcissistic relationship

20 wasted years for me . I was literally 1 day from my divorce and being free from my ex-wife. I hadn't talked to her for 3 months. Then she came by my house the night before the court date and she sucked me back in so I called off the divorce. I wish I knew what I know now about narcissism. The one thing that I regret is that I missed out on being with a loving person. Now I have trust issues. Now, when I meet someone who is probably genuine, loving and caring, I start assigning my ex-wife narcissistic behavior to them so I never give them a chance because of it. My 2 sons are the only good things that came from this relationship.

I hv binge watched so many of your videos Dr. Can't believe everyone vid is perfect of what im going through.

I've been learning so much from your channel. Thank you so very much.

A guy I recently met had many toxic traits I picked up fairly quickly. He was very big on talking about himself and rarely asked questions about me. The questions he did ask were sexual. The other was what did I think my insecurities were. My eyes rolled so hard my phone almost broke lol

After my father died and my mom was in a new relationship she actually was nice to me for the first time in my life. Now I realize she was with her new boyfriend and wanted to show our relationship in the best light. I was like: she's changed! It's a miracle. I'd just never seen her in the love bombing phase...

Dr Ramani you literally have no idea how much you are helping me right now to free myself from a very toxic abusive situation. I am actually a trainee therapist, and I have walked blindly into a terrible situation at a time when I was extremely vulnerable. I now have to seek therapy to undo all of the trauma bonding you so well explained. I need to do a lot of work to save myself. Thank you thank you thank you!

This entire video is 100% accurate. Now I sharpen my pencil on the multitude of match maker reality TV shows. It’s stupid how easy it is for me to pick these folks out NOW.

Thank you for doing these videos, thank you so much 🥺 I can’t afford therapy right now and you’re helping me so much with ripping myself out of the gaslit narrative he fed me and seeing the abuse for what it was- NOT consequences of me “being stupid” (as he put it) NO, it was ABUSE. This time, I have him blocked on everything including cashapp lol

“You can’t be a mindful and present asshole!” Love that comment!

My narcissistic abusive ex, who I just had to have arrested for physical abuse, lent me money when I got into a car accident, and had me move in with him to support me while I went back to college to career change. This was all his idea. This was all a trap. He got so angry and so mean and rages at me over "being forced to give me money". He called me a looser for needing his help and used it for psychological abuse. Him supporting me through college was a trap to get me under his control. Once my semester started and I was stuck living with him and so busy with homework and working part time still, that's when his physical abuse started getting really bad. That's also how he tried to keep me from leaving. "Where are you going to go, you'd have to quit college?" I'm leaving a lot out obviously, but you get the idea.

Dr Ramini, what a diabolical quality of life we live around narcissists!… Get a life I love is what I’m thinking ❤

Omg how did I ignore those red flags?! The exact examples you gave is what I experienced. Offering to come to church with me and then putting down the faith and the pastor and starting an argument with me for agreeing with the pastor’s perspective…, The toxic relationship with my mother coming back at me when he weaponizes it…. Etc. ugh. I’m just mad at myself that I let it go as far as it has.

This has been so helpful in preventing me from being manipulated but I have to admit, this also allows me to look at my own behaviors and identify areas of delusion. Thanks Dr. Ramani ❤

It’s like you condensed my entire childhood up to my 40s into this single video. Walking away and “Chinese Walling” these people from my life has been the most effective way to deal with their selfishness and “mirroring”. Your channel and videos have presented tips and strategies - and introduced and reinforced in a non-judgmental way for me at least - many things I had learned the hard way on my own. Realizing that I didn’t imagine this nonsense and these games that are played has been so helpful. Thank you.

I’ve had the experience of marrying a narc whom did a lot of “good deeds” to my family but he’d ask something in return from me afterwards. Everything he did had a price on my end, even sex… if I didn’t feel like getting intimate he’d mention the “favours” he was doing to my family and say that I had to pay him… when I finally left him(very traumatic divorce…) my “family” judged and doubted me for leaving him and some continue to say that it was my fault, that I was unfair for leaving him because he is such a “good guy”, so twisted…

Thank you so much for the information and amazing content. My fiancés grandmother is a huge narcissist and controls his whole family. They do not like me and have stopped talking to him because he is with me and claim I am isolating him. I have shared your videos with him and attempt to get him to see right from wrong. Because he was raised like this, I think he thought this behavior in his family was okay and that he is not supposed to speak up and just do whatever they say. Thank god he has opened his eyes and realized how a person is supposed to be treated within a family, not used and abused.

हमे इतना सारा ज्ञान देने और सूझ बूझ सीखने में सहायता के लिए बहुतबहुत धन्यवाद। मैंने आपके कारण जीवन में पहली बार narcissism को समझा , सही दिशा और समझदारी पायी। डॉ रामणी आप नर रूप में नारायण हैं । ❤

These vids are so helpful. Sometimes I need to listen more than once because I find myself even though I've left the relationship and the workplace think it's me.

I was finally ready, to step up & in, to claim.. the due of my life’s exhausting work; separating from abuse. Refusing to carry its endless burdens on my back. I was ecstatic, up for the challenge I was made for; take all the risks. In work, I was never so alive, effective, successful. Enter the malignant (etc) narcissist. Back then- I had no idea what that even meant. I thought I’d seen/ experienced Everything. I never loved a partner before. He claimed my heart; masterfully. His mirroring became terrifying. A major goal of it- was to render me frozen.. once I realized it Was to stalk me. The sweetest experience with a person I’d ever had. Until That. Until it hit me- him Needing/ expecting… to know Everything about me, and do that too/ was fashioned to ensure- that I’d never again be free, to go about ’me’ things alone. Ever again. Otherwise be flooded with accusations, guilted… as they grew more delusional. My energy, personality, energy field- will never be remotely the same. He got everything he wanted. Including nearly my last breath. My deep love of him never actually stopped. But I got Destroyed. And he is whistling; got away ‘scott free. While nobody knows. He hunts new supply/ and cannot be content.. remains a dangerous broken human.