The 5 TRAPS A Narcissist Will Use To MANIPULATE YOU (Don't Fall For This!) | Dr. Ramani 

WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!

“Your job on this earth; is not to rescue another capable adult.” I cried for 20 minutes after I heard this. I NEEDED to hear this.

Narcissists are boring once you realize what they’re up to

They talk you in circles, offering nothing but empty promises and hope. Then, if you don't stay in the box/role/position they want you in, here comes their wrath. Easily offended, own zero responsibility or accountability. What a Rollercoaster!!

Being alone is a welcome relief from a bad relationship.

The fear of being alone can really cause people to put up with some bad crap.

"We always gravitate to what's familiar even if it's traumatic "⭐️

So many people were never taught how to be treated. A truly powerful statement!

"Your job on Earth is not to rescue another capable adult." 🎯

It s better in 2023 to stay single

Narcissist will never admit they are wrong

They will lovebomb you to begin with. Nice gifts. Nice dates. Charming. Funny. Affectionate. Compliments. They will tell you that they have strong feelings early on. All of this is fake!! Done to lure you in. They cant love anything or anyone (appart from themselves). I felt there was something off at the start. My gut was screaming at me to leave but i didnt listen. You will see the red flags. But choose to ignore them. When everything goes there way everything is good. But if they’ve had a stressful day at work or something happens to p*** them off they will be moody and misserable. They will play hot and cold. One day they are lovely other days they are cold and distant so you never know where you stand with them. Leaving you feeling confused, hurt and not good enough. Dont ever pull them up on their bad behaviour. If you do they will end the “relationship”. They manipulate and gaslight you into taking their bad behaviour and disrespect. How dare you stand up for yourself! You should bow down to them and be a door mat because they are the best thing since sliced bread and you should be greatful that they chose you! They will blame everything that goes wrong in the relationship on you. They are never to blame. They will never appologize. They will manipulate you into thinking its your fault and you will end up appologizing for your reaction to their bad behaviour. Everything will always be on their terms! You will do whatever they want to do when they want to do it. If its not something they enjoy doing they will not do it. And on the off chance that they will they will be misserable the whole time. They will see you when it suits them. They will never plan things in advance or make future plans. They will never fully commit. If your going through a hard time in life they will never be there to support you. They will avoid everything that involves emotional connection. Dont ever cry in front of them because they will think that your crazy for having feelings. They cant even give to a hug if you were to cry in front of them, they will just look at you blankly. They have no empathy what so ever. They are very selfish and only care about their own needs. Your needs mean nothing to them. They are dead on the inside. No feelings. No emotions. Just an empty soul. They are addicts. They drink too much. They gamble too much. They are stuck in their ways. They will never change. They will lie. They will cheat (mine had been a serial cheater in past relationships and i though that he wouldnt be the same with me. I have no proof that he cheated but from his past its very likely). They will use you. All of this will have a negative effect on your mental health. You will loose so much of yourself with a narcissist. They will drain the life out of you. Save yourself. Love yourself. Leave these toxic human beings. Moreover, I could've gotten hurt from the impact of been cheated on. I'm glad that i got to know ASAP, through Barryinvestigation@gmail. com and I appreciate the content you put out for us .

It’s mind blowing how convoluted conversations can be with a narcissist. Going around in circles, never getting a straight answer and then always accusing and blaming you of stuff.

I remember when I was divorcing a narcissist and a family friend said to me "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't". HELL NO.

🙌🏻 Ones you put narcissist out of your life, you have to be alone for a while to finding who you are again ❤️🌸

Dr Ramani has single-handedly saved me from my narc abusive marriage. Since leaving him a year ago. I’m mentally better, physically better and financially better. I had those fears but thank God and Dr Ramani for giving me strength and the assurance I needed to leave.

the 5 things that trap a person in a narcissistic relationship: 1. hope 2. fear 3. guilt 4. pity 5. comfort

1.Hope 2.Fear 3.Pity 4.Guilt 5.Comfort

The way she described how everything and everyone is against us when we try to leave made me realize just how badass we are for having been able to leave (and for those still trying… you can do it, it’s never too late, and you’re worth it. You deserve peace)

It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.

"You can retain your empathy and compassion, and you can also preserve yourself, and your job on this Earth is not to rescue another capable adult. That responsibility lies on them." Dr Ramani 🎤 drop

These people have traded their soul for Narcissism and are now dead inside..And what they hate about you is that you have a healthy soul and they are very jealous of that and they very much WANT IT! And are trying to steal yours. This is why they get angry when you fight them on their Narcissism because THEY WANT A SOUL! Every Time they get supply from you they take a piece of your soul and it feels soooooo good to them They want to take your soul and give you theirs..A soul exchange,. their dead soul for your healthy soul. Every time they get supply from you, there is an exchange, they feel good and you feel bad. This is why after a while you start feeling dead inside yourself.. This is why victims says they are evil. because they feel this..

Experienced all 5. No contact. No looking back. No toxicity allowed

This not only applies to romantic relationships. This perfectly describes my relationship to my mom.

I’m all good at 60 being single for the rest of my life. My “Spouse” is Jesus Christ and he is the ONLY person I trust in this world. ❤

NEVER confuse comfortable with familiar. A daily kick to the head can also get familiar, but it'll never be comfortable.

"We really do gravitate towards what's familiar even when it's traumatic" ~ WOW, felt that 💯✨

Narcissistic infidelity differs from "normal cheating", because a narcissist feels no shame or remorse for what they've committed! In fact, they convince themselves it's your fault, and actually lead the new partner to believe they're a victim of you. A narcissist will talk about marriage and having kids with you, while sleeping with another person. They'll give you the silent treatment and punish you, trying to make you feel bad for their own bad behavior. Survivors often wonder "why wasn't I good enough?" or "why is the new partner better than me?" because the narcissist will shamelessly wave this person in your face and parade the new target around on social media. Every second you spend comparing yourself to this person will erode your self-worth and fill you with feelings of inadequacy and rejection. How did they replace you so quickly, immediately making all the same promises to another person? The answer is simple: Cluster-B disorders all stem from the inability to attach. They never attached to you, which is why they try to intensely manufacture all the normal feelings of love and bonding, and it's also why they are able to detach and do the same thing to someone else in one day. Because they never successfully attached to you, despite all of their sweeping words. Sociopaths and narcissists are incapable of attaching to other human beings, so they hone all of these other skills like seduction, flattery, mirroring-all in an attempt to mimic what they see other people doing: loving each other. The problem is, they see "love" as receiving constant attention and adoration. This is what they give to you, and this is what they want to receive in return. The NY Times describes it this way. "Narcissistic alexithymia: The inability to understand or describe the emotions in the self. Unable to know themselves, sufferers are unable to understand, relate or attach to others. To prove their own existence, they hunger for endless attention from outside." Narcissistic "supply" is really just a distraction from this condition. When you fail to relieve this (because no external factor can), you are punished and replaced. No matter how caring and kind you were, they still don't feel good, and their disorder convinces them that a new partner will be the magical fix to everything. This is when you get "split" as the crazy bad person so they can justify their sudden change of heart. Even though they blame you, I hope you can see that this process has literally nothing to do with you. You can follow their new relationship, hope it fails, analyze yourself, analyze them, try to be more perfect, prove yourself, figure out whose fault it was, etc. All you're doing is hurting yourself. Turn your focus from external to internal. What do you feel? Inadequacy? Shame? Rejection? Betrayal? These are your feelings, and those are what matter. You need to work with these feelings, understand them, and learn to offer yourself the comfort and love needed to heal them. Otherwise you're just left with an unresolved mess of pain from an impossible situation, and a frightened heart that believes it's at fault. Left untended, it'll eventually just fade into a numb obscurity. Work with this pain, understand it, talk with it, communicate with your body. This is the most important thing you can do. Every time you're tempted to check on them, ask yourself what you're feeling. A void? Emptiness? Loneliness? Resentment? Numbness? These issues cannot be resolved through searching externally. Yes, they were created by an external factor, but it's your wound now, whether you want it or not. You are the only person who can decide to nurture these wounds and build a loving relationship with your emotions. Additionally, You can remotely spy on your narc partner without leaving any evidence or traces and you’ll be getting their text from their phone to your phone. This can only be accomplished by hiring a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who can help you hack into their device and uncover whatever they are hiding from you.

The confusion you experience while with a covert narcissist is indescribable. I've had boyfriends that were abusive but it's just so different. CN are so convincing that not only will the things they do break your heart but it completely throws u off because it's something u can't even picture them doing. If that makes sense. They make u believe they are a certain kind of person not capable of doing the things that your ex's did or what would hurt u most. That's what's so confusing then they blame u somehow because it's always your fault. I have been with a covert narcissist for 10yrs. No matter how many times I have been through the cycle or seen him rage I still can't picture it when he is love bombing me. Its the craziest thing. I guess everyone is different but for me the constant state of confusion is the absolute worst and most abusive part. But there are plenty other ways they abuse their partners… Withholding and silent treatment. You feel like your going to explode inside. Mine does this so I freak out and then he can blame me for the argument. Physically abusive. When a CN feels trapped they will do anything they can to regain that power and control. Or take something from you what u won't give them. Sexually abusive. Blaming u for watching porn, sex shaming u, withholding sex, having sex with u while your asleep. Blaming you for everything. Blaming you for having to blame you! Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

What about when they fake respect, kindness etc., and then you wake up and ask where did that person go?!

I just left the narcissistic ex friend and I am blown away on how accurate this information is.

"atleast he doesnt hit you." is what ive been told

Im so glad she mentioned the societal pressures & shame because the narcissists I’ve left behind are in my family & I always get pushback bc you’re supposed to love your family, but imo allowing yourself to be abused is not showing love to someone

I took in a homeless 28 yr old girl who was abusive and had narcissist traits. Strangely when I was in her presence , I literally felt the energy draining from my body & soul and ready to go to sleep being so drained , sleepier & sleepier then when she walked back into her flat attached to my house , I suddenly got my energy back. It was so weird as not always was she saying negative things but my soul couldn't handle her

"We gravitate to what's familiar even if it's traumatic."

It's crazy when they leave you, and you start moving on, and it triggers them, and they blame you. I'm going through that right now. I'm moving quicker than he wants me to, and he now wants to say I never loved him 😂😂. Once you see the person for who they are its such a turn-off that it makes you never want to live there again.

Omg thank you!! I get so tired of people saying it takes 2 to make a relationship fail, no it only takes one person to ruin it, it takes 2 to make it work!!

One thing i learned is pay attention to what your body says and how you feel. It has a lot of information that may save you down the line. Just trust that intuition, it has something to tell you.

That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *brian hacks online*

The “I’m aware there’s an issue but you’re not important enough for me to address that right now” very eye opening.

My wife is a horrible narcissist, who's been physically, and emotionally manipulating and abusing me for years. I've finally figured out what she's doing and I feel like a veil has been lifted. I'm filing for divorce and I'm terrified she's going to take everything.

The problem is " Don't judge anyone" bs. People using this bs line to justify their disgusting BEHAVIOUR. She said the best line " we gonna judge today "

I’m currently “dating” a psych major who constantly calls me a narcissist and has even said that I have the disorder while simultaneously displaying narcissistic traits themselves and every time that I stand my ground as well let them know that I see exactly what is happening in that moment they immediately attempt to change the subject to something light and fluffy. It’s the weirdest encounter that I have ever experienced. So happy that I severed ties because if this is dating I never want to imagine what being in an actual relationship with them is like

It is so sad that we make excuses for their bad behavior.

"Invalidating Mother". My eyes opened to MY invalidating mother at age 63. I just turned 64. I sought validation from any source, usually unhealthy ones. Today, I choose healthier options more and more. Options based upon healthy pathways, thanks to critical information like this. Thanks a million, one like, and one subscribe.

It's best to communicate with your partner openly and honestly and if they don't respond well to it then move on. Don't assume they're a nutter or something, try to address issues and if they won't address them with you healthily then yeh, then get out of there.

Went back to my Narcissist. I have had to relearn everything because all she did for a month was yell and scream at me and blame and do everything she could to get her fix. The first few days of no contact were awful. She said once I move back she wants to know where I live. I’m not going to give her that information. By the way, my narcissist is my mom for clarification!

OMG I did this for 39 years. He finally passed away and I got therapy and learned what it was. I never knew, because I was told I had no idea about a marriage because my dad died when I was five and my mom raised me alone. So happy I’m free.

being alone is amazing, freedom is awesome

Evening #3 of being away. Yesterday was miserable. talked myself out of going back 1000s of times. I was a mental emotional mess. Today was way better. This video helped tremendously. Thank You, is the best I can say. Thanks for everything.

It was the narcissist who had the nerves to tell me... you teach someone how to treat you....instead of him saying sorry for his behavior. His statement blew my mind. Didn't know he was a narcissist then

I am always so surprised how if someone reacts to being treated poorly how people blame that person, the victim for the ‘trouble they are causing’

"they're always down. There's never going to be a 'right time'..." TRUTH!!!

I love the text "Are you alive?" after 7 days of no contact. Way to try to reel back in.

"Our job is not to rescue another capable adult". WOW. Been "rescuing" my older sister since I was a teenager. It has always ended badly over the years. I tried one more time in 2020, had her come live with me and my family, I had to kick her out and I no longer talk to her. I just can't take her gas lighting and abuse. She's absolutely perfect and can do no wrong in her eyes. UGH.

Yes. Thank you for mentioning the holidays and the enablers. I have had to call the church out on this. They used to define “forgiveness” as taking responsibility for the situation and offering reconciliation. But I think many of us Christians are personally beginning to realize that forgiveness is actually supposed to be the opposite. It’s supposed to allow you to cut ties, move on, and allow If God to handle the situation. God will hold them accountable in the end. It’s not your job. That’s why God says, “vengeance is mine.” You know that you have forgiven someone if you stop wanting revenge. You and the other person can both go your separate ways without wanting to bring them any harm. That’s a good thing. You don’t have to give them more and more second chances to be in your life. Some people just aren’t meant to be. The church needs to stop putting that kind of responsibility on you. So do therapists.

Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,

We definitely don't actually teach people how to treat us. We just begin discovering who they already are. If there's any teaching going on, we're teaching them what we'll put up with. The mirroring they do is just to hook you in as they manage you down. Conartirsts come in all different levels of expertise, not just styles. And what's allowed will always continue. It's a well orchestrated grooming process, and they have nothing but time. People treat you according to who they are and are capable of being. And there's a huge difference between an incident like a mistake, vs. repeative, habitual, patterned, intentional acts of behaviors. Also, note one other important note about trauma bonding is that it is not just a familiar thing that happens from "the past". Trauma bonding can happen bonding from any stressor, deaths, attacks while in the mild to moderate stages of the abuse. Then, they use your vulnerable moments to start the cycles of their narcissistic bag of tricks that has your psyche on a loop. And thats what ever so gradually erodes your critical thinking skills. Their dysfunction leads to your malfunctioning. Too many people also get lost between the cracks because not everyone's back story is one of this "familar storyline." I'm just saying some these toxic personality styles are real masters. The older ones are more experienced, too. There's something to be said about wisdom, and they are moving along getting new Intel with everyone they've been feasting off of. Masters of manipulation and ceremonies. 🙏

It's so hard when it's one of your parents. But I'm doing well away from that parent and growing more and being myself more every day =)

Yes I had to even step away from the enabler...they started getting disrespectful about me establishing and maintaining my boundaries from the narc after taking him back so many times previously after abusive incidents and assaults. I will never go back again

My Mom is a covert narcissist. She primed me for friendships with women that range from Neurotic messes who manipulate me with their needs, to Borderline Creatives who thrill me with their drama and use me up, to full blown Narcissists. I am so tired and fed up. I have had to concentrate on how angry these people have made me to keep from friending these types again. Thank God my Father was only co-dependent. LOL.

5:19 is so true, why did I have to laugh … I’m going through exact that feeling of my ‘heart’ wanting him back but my ‘mind’ is doing it’s best to keep him away. Gosh.

Listened to Dr. Ramani 4 years ago to a podcast that hit a nerve so hard I knew it was time to leave. Left my ex narcissist and found my true love myself and my husband. Thank you!

After listening to this, i have noticed that i stayed in a wrong rekationship with a narcissist but thank God the day i told myself that i am done i walked away

I recently had a counselor try to get me to join a “nonviolent communication” class, as if my communication skills are the reason I’m being abused. That was our last session.

"I rage and broke objects and after I fill shame, I give love and compassion but I became a monster worse than the narc and say orrible words, am I the only victim? I have responsability too." From a person born in a narc family and with a new partner that came from a narc family and narc too.

Omg "the enablers" so true. Its societal I see it clearly now. I loved this.

Let's not limit our narcissism discussion only to romantic husband wife relation ships. It's high time we started to talk about narcissistic abuse in terms of sisters brothers and family members. Cuz thats where the problems are really serious in Indian families.

My mom used to dangle her trust in front of me and then break it. "I'm your mom you can tell me anything I'll always love you unconditionally". Then she gets whatever information she wants and then the whole family sister included would sit me down and spend hours telling me what a horrible person I am. How said information embarrassed them. How my actions caused them to be judged. How my behavior was humiliating. How talking about my interests made me a know it all. Never mind my behavior they were so disgusted with was actually autism that didn't get diagnosed till I was 19 because my parents kept taking me to the same incompetent doctor. Not to mention the fact that I had learning disabilities was treated like it should be a secret shame. The more I learn about narsasistic parents the more I grow to hate my own.

Hope Fear Guilt Pity Comfort

I just had an argument this a.m. with my narc. Since really getting my eyes opened to the narcissism, I've been going through the process of realizing that he really doesn't love me- I'm recyclable, and his teddy bear. My trauma bond was way strong- my dad always said kids were seen and not heard. I couldn't talk during conflict- so he enjoyed my involuntary mutism while would lecture me when I didn't do something " right"!! I've finally found my voice, Thank God, and now I'm realizing his tactics- manipulation, gaslighting, guilt trips, his victimhood, etc. He did ALL of that this morning, and I'm pissed !! I didn't say ANYTHING wrong, but, boy, you'd think I did!! I pray I get out of this clown show soon!!

It is not your responsibility to rescue another capable adult. This is responsibility of them. Excellent conclusion!!!

I so appreciated the comment about "What role do you play in this"-- my therapist asked me that question and I remember telling her that I am not like a victim, I don't want to feel like a victim and I don't like to be one either. Something about floating the idea of me feeling like a victim when I am trying everything I can to hang onto my life and survive with a very thin thread, being isolated, having no family in the U.S. finishing my Ph.D., wondering how I fucked up my kids by leaving and a 100 different things. I was already feeling responsible and wondering if I tried hard enough and doubting my decision constantly. But I had such a visceral reaction to that question that I know was not proportionate to the question...it felt like getting violated and then being blamed for being violated. I could not explain the feeling and why I had such a stubborn reaction to the suggestion or resisted reflection and I questioned if I was being narcissistic for refusing the victim label...I was genuinely stuck in my life... hammering myself with all sorts of negative talk. I feel like I was not ready for the depth of the question "What's my role in this?" It was a very helpful question once my resistance to it dissipated. started setting boundaries since then and my therapist did a great job of helping me reframe my thoughts through therapy. To this day when someone says another person is being a victim and acting like a victim that makes every cell of my heart rate go up. I believe it was the placing even more responsibility on me and when I walked out I was mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally exhausted on every level. But to this day hearing "What's your role in this?" said to someone else or implying that someone is acting like a victim makes me question if the speaker has compassion. So I appreciated that this show offered some explanation and validation to my feelings and made the work I did with my therapist even more powerful to me.

Wow Dr Ramini, thank you so much for clarifying the phrase “you teach people how to treat you”. I feel like you’ve validated me and gave me a hug. I am struggling to figure out how I need to be treated at times after growing up with two narcissistic parents. Thank you ❤

Im glad she pushed back on the "you teach people how to treat you" because i always use it to blame myself for how im treated.

So thankful for that last part, it needs to be said, because even therapists and experts keep shaming the victim as the responsible one when their very identity and ability to choose is being manipulated away from them... Not just emotionally but physically through control. They are punished for independence. They are punished for making choices and then blamed for "not being responsible for their choices". The narcissist is a toddler throwing a tantrum, and it causes confusion and chaos. The victim is not the one having trouble with responsibility of choices... Instead they are making survival choices for themselves and sometimes dependant children. I think it is often more than "wait for the holidays", it is "wait until we have a secure financial plan"...a place to live, a steady job... Remember they have been controlled and tricked out of their ability to believe in or trust themselves, or financially manipulated sometimes for many years. It can be nearly impossible to get out sometimes, and then they get to hear about "their role in the abuse by staying" ... They are just trying to realize the situation and survive it. They have already been blamed for years and told they are the reason for all and any problems... What huge mistake to tell them they have some kind of role in the abuse.

I wish the discussion about narcissism wasn’t always focused on romantic relationships. The biggest issues I have had are always with family or friends. They are just as damaging & debilitating imo.

Been there done that, with future faking! It was a soul destroying marriage! Only 10 years, but children hoovered me back in for past 30 years. I thought I was being the bigger person, no I was being controlled! Had to go no contact with whole family! You will never understand how heartbreaking it is to abandon my grandchildren.

I was preyed on within AA. I was told by my AA sponsor I needed to take a personal inventory because I played a role in being the victim of a predator. Thank you Dr. Ramani for addressing this. It took years for me to realize I did absolutely nothing to deserve being preyed on. It was a horrible experience.

You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

I remember secretly going to therapy for my relationship with my mom. I had so much trouble verbalizing my relationship (not knowing it was a narcissistic relationship at the time) and trying my best to explain the problems I was encountering with my mother. The most disappointing thing about those sessions was that the fact that the therapist was defending my mother. She only confirmed I had moderate anxiety and depression. Haven’t gone to therapy since. And for that reason, I’ve been blaming myself so much and staying in the same place. I feel older than I am. Possibly even look so. Seeing these videos confirming and actually labeling my relationship with my mother makes me feel like I’m mourning something.

You were spot on. I can’t believe that what I been through was emotional abuse. The trauma bond is real & so is the complete damage. On my healing journey though 🙌🏽🙏🏽❤️‍🩹

Some of those words hurt because they hit so close to home, but I'm so glad that I'm hearing this loud and clear! Ten years of suffering has finally ended for me!

The fear of being alone isn't always the initial fear, but rather the fear of how society will perceive you being single when you had a chance to be in a relationship.

Yes- hoping it will get better. And for me, the fear of being alone. ( I’m alone now, but it’s a little scary ).

Wow, so true. I believed my nex whenever he told me I would never be able to cope without his help financially. The gaslighting took on a whole new level when we had kids. I apparently "couldn't handle working again"... but what he didn't realise was that, when I understood that I didn't need him anymore, that's when the legal/post-separation-financial abuse ramped up. My eyes were already cleared and I no longer conceeded to his every demand and I am so much happier, even though he destroyed me financially so he could become a veritable millionaire, while I had to move in with my parents just to be able to support our kids

I think it should be talked about more that these dynamics work the same in friendships. In a way it is even harder to untangle from a friend than from a romantic partner in these circumstances

My mind is blown when she said that we think it’s our fault

This is precisely what caused me to lose more than three decades of my precious life.

Hope, fear, guilt, pity and comfort

The fear of having the children kept away from you, gaslit against you and not being there as a shield for the children.

"Now is not a good time for me for you to have burnout or anxiety or stress or depression": the ultimate narcissistic expression of ME ME ME😂👋🏻 Earth's a school - Narcissism is one of the hardest lessons to pass but the moment you realise that life's too short to play into the victim/villain dynamics for years is the moment you liberate yourself! 🕊 We settle for the love we believe we deserve. When we say ENOUGH to the torture, we escape the trap of narcissism.

I absolutely adore Dr Ramani. That smile at 46 seconds is so well-deserved. She's helped shape my life and perceptions in such a drastic and positive manner. Nothing but gratitude to this incredible woman.

I went through 5 years of narcissistic abuse before I finally came out the other side... It sounds cliche but it really does get better if you can stay away. Now I'm watching one of my friends go through it... And it honestly feels just like watching somebody with a heroin addiction. Everyone who cares about them just wants them to stop... Walk away... Why are you destroying your life for no reason.. etc. It's very much like watching somebody kill themselves with heroin. My narcissist was also a heroin addict... So it was like a narcissist injecting themself.. with narcissism.

I always think of the narcissists treatment of me like this- there’s something wrong with that dog because everytime I kick it it whines.

Omg "future faking" thats the terminology! I feel so empowered learning how to describe whats been happening in my toxic relationship

If people say, “are you sure you know what you’re doing?” You can reply, “No, not at all. But nothing is certain in life except death and taxes and I’m perfectly capable of learning how to be alright no matter which choice I make here now, so I can be confident in my ability to cope, my intelligence, and the great support systems I’m currently building that - note to self - won’t include folks who doubt or criticize my reasoning.”

We broke up over 10 times in 4 years. Called each other every name in the book. She cheated, lied kept her distant "cousins" that were actually ex or current lovers. She collected hearts. A sick individual...When I was trying to heal, meeting new people she would sabotage relationships I was newly forming. She would wind up at my doorstep, leaving me love letters, texting me things like "call me" and there I would go calling her and getting back with her..... The last time she Discarded me I moved over 400 miles away, blocked her on all channels it had been over two months and I have never been stronger than I am now. I am a Survivor of Olivia Garza Portales.

11:26 through 13:26 is gold! For all you victim blamers out there listen as best as you can

Gosh, I love this woman, her professionalism and also her sense of humour! 😂 Thank you, Lisa, for making this series. ❤