Hi everyone, I really hope you enjoy this video and find it useful. Timestamps: The art of charm: How to be irresistible and master your conversation skills: 0:00 Why being charming and able to hold a good conversation is important: 00:47 PRP - Polite, Respectful, Positive - the three key factors for charm: 3:00 The Art of Great Conversation - my 10 secret tips for success: 9:57
“…you can do anything in life you want to do.” Yep, as long as it does no harm. So much charm has hurt so many. Not in your case I’m sure Nicolas but nonetheless the values of the person are key to positivity even if the person is not much of a conversationalist and doesn’t consider themself able to charm others. I call charm without the better values to cause harm, i.e., c(ausing) harm, charm when it’s not truly real.
With charm and knowledge you can do great things. We can elicit the help we need to construct. We don't do it alone. I said, ' I can do anything if I can find someone to do it for me.' which sounds lazy at first hearing. Clever people will know that is how things get done!
I’m 58 and I think I naturally do a lot of the skills you mention but it is so great to be reminded as it’s so easy to slip back into some habits for example I think I can interject with my own experience too much when talking or someone which I find annoying in others😂 anyway, that was a lovely video, many thanks
I’m a speech and language specialist and have taught conversational/social skills to a number of adolescents who have autism. I really expected this video to be pretty superficial, but actually you covered IT ALL!! This is an excellent and probably comprehensive presentation. You can read whole books (and I have) on how to be a good conversationalist and not learn a tenth of what you presented in this video. The number one tip I think is to show (and to HAVE) a genuine interest in others.
@@cattiemaxie7160 Pretty generally, if a video purports to show how to "master your conversational skills," it will be one or two lighweight tips. But kudos to Nic -- this is a really top-notch presentation.
I couldn't agree with you more. Being the pianist for the best private clubs and ROBERT (supper club) in NYC I can tell you that just playing well won't put you over the top but following all the points you made plus having talent will. I get many referrals for private party work and I've retained my main playing jobs for many years. I've enjoyed all your videos and find you to be a fine gentleman. By the way, I received your beautiful, scented candle. The under tones really make it. I wish you all best and success with your business. Scott Gordon
Nicolas, you never disappoint. I think one of the best examples you demonstrated of taking true interest in the other is when you prefaced one of your points with “in my short life”. One small clause demonstrated so much compassion for the various stages that others of your audience are in, while not negating your own personal experience. You are such a joy!
Thank you very much for the advice, Nicolas! I am not a native English Speaker but I live abroad and I use English in my social life. I feel very clumsy and there are days when I cry thinking that I cannot speak with others using the skills that I have in my mother tongue. Your videos help me a lot to feel better and to have an example of someone who speaks English and who is as charming as you.
This was a true case of using the Dale Carnage method spelled out in “How To Win Friends and Influence People”! ..an old book that NEVER loses its relevance. You are so wise to reach out and speak about the importance of being the one to listen. I hear people always say they are not heard…but are they listening and validating the other person? Today seems even worse, sadly. I watch friends in conversations interrupt and get loud and fidget or look around the room and ignore the speaker, just waiting for their turn to dazzle us with their opinion or experience. Everyone is an expert! Sadly, what Eleanor Roosevelt said seems to be even more relevant today..” we wouldn’t worry so much about what other people think of us if we realized how seldom they do” Sad. Stop talking and listen.. remember your PRP! Thank you for this description of Charm which is more about them than you❤️
Hi Nicolas, have you ever thought about writing a book on social etiquette and confidence building, you have such an elliquent way of putting this subject across. Sophie is an absolute darling. Take care. X
This one kind of made me giggle. You managed to squeeze into a 20 minute video a checklist for effective social interaction that would take YEARS to accomplish (it would require some very real personality development, quite possibly with the help of a therapist!). Then you gave it the most aspirational title (who doesn't want to charmed?) I'm going to be fascinated by the comments to see how people respond to this simple sounding but highly complex set of behavioural tips. Well done Nicolas! 😳
This is such an important message that seems to be lost on people these days. No amount of money or education will serve you better than having good social skills and a kind, respectful attitude. Thank you Nicholas for reminding people how important this is.
A gentle gentle reminder that 'practice' is a noun whereas when you write 'practise empathy' then the 'c' in the noun changes to 's' in the verb as in the two examples you write as headings. Here are two others I can think of: advice/advise, licence/license but as usual in British English there are exceptions e.g. service/service. All of which makes British English a wonderfully idoyncratic language with simple grammar but glorious exceptions. Thank you for the useful tips ...
Yes, but there’s a fine line between ‘show interest and curiosity’ and being seen as ‘nosey’ ! I’m always afraid of the latter when chatting to people.
This is a good point. I’m American, and I think Americans aren’t nosy enough. American men especially generally project an “It’s all about me” position. Having lived in England for a year and visited there several more times, my impression is that Brits can be more reserved, and you do need to be more careful not to step over that line.
If someone is talking about something about themselves I always say “tell me if I’m being nosey but...” then ask a question. They’ll never be bothered that you’re interested in them, they open up even more
It is important to be respectful of other people's limits. We may be genuinely interested in someone else, but that person may not be interested in us! And even if they are interested in us, they may not want to chat with us at a given time, maybe not at all. We cannot demand social interaction. Great tips for those who want to talk with us. Thank you for the video!
Hello Nicolas, I’m a long time viewer. I’ve been feeling lately though that you may have become lost of what you want to actually do on this channel. I have been feeling it for a while now. I know people will probably tell me if you don’t like the content, just don’t watch anymore. I used to look forward to your posts but a little after you had moved to your new apartment(?) it seemed you were either maybe burnt out or unsure of what you really wanted to do here. Then I thought maybe it’s because I don’t pay and watch your subscription that over there it is different? I understand it’s a lot of hard work doing content, but even a casual vlog style of your day running errands could be fun. Nothing too edited is ok too!I feel u don’t want to take your camera and venture out. Content doesn’t have to be always fancy attending some party or having to get an invite as an influencer. I really cared for your channel so very surprised to watch this content coming from you for some reason. But it hasn’t only been that lately. I’m sorry and no meaning to hurt you but the contents have become not much of any content.. I wanted you to succeed and not trying to be disrespectful. It’s only an observation from a long time fan of yours. I hope you find what you really want to convey on your channel.
What on earth about this is surprising, given the overall theme of this channel? Graceful living would entirely encompass a topic such as this. He continues to give value - perhaps no longer to you - and well, in that case, you know what to do. Cheers!
What a beautiful soul you are Nicolas - the art of charm you certainly have - although I feel I know how to be charming & well-mannered - I can always do with a refresher course - thank you for all the tips & your stunning smile - much love.
Thank you so much Nicolas for this wonderful video ! I am a 70 years old lady, and I learn a lot from you! What I listened today was à complete, wise and inspirational course! I love it!🙏🌺
I think we can all improve our interpersonal communication skills, but it's important to be authentic and not put on fake 'charm' or interest because we are innately tuned in to this. Conversation is about wider education and paying attention to others interests.
Absolutely wonderful and thankyou so much for that. Will be going over this multiple times I must say. By the way I am in Australia and enjoy your videos so much. Thank you for all your wonderful work
What a nice surprise hearing once again with charm and wise words! Wish we had more of you. I used to enjoy your videos bc they were informative as well as relaxing. Please come back❤️
I agree! However, in today's world so many are filled with rage! This rage blinds individuals to everything and everyone around them and makes true sincere communication almost impossible.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject of being engaged when meeting and having conversations with other people. All of it common sense but so many people make the mistake of not connecting and listening to the other person.
Brilliant! A few things this reminded me of: -TPO: Stands for time, place and occasion. A Japanese concept reminding you to dress appropriately for the “TPO” you find yourself at. - “Don’t just listen to respond”- most people listen with only what they want to say next in mind. Like you said, it’s far better to really be engaged in what they say and be willing to forget what you originally wanted to say if the conversation moves on. - I read the news daily but also love getting updates through email newsletters- here are a few I enjoy! Chartr- delivers the news through the medium of graphs. Deloitte Monday briefing- gives a rundown of business/economy news. Top of the Charts- by Torsten Bell, another economy centric one, but also pretty funny :D - “Small minds talk about people, average minds talk about events, great minds talk about ideas”. It’s good to be in the know about current events but also to be exposed to interesting facts and ideas as well 😊
Where to start with this fun chat ! ? Well parts of it are hilarious, as he’s taking himself so seriously here! Thoughts : - Where is this Channel going? yes many ask this valid question . - If one had a good upbringing most of what’s mentioned would be a given .. it’s Could be considered common sense. -Living in Japan most attributes mentioned are a given to success in society. - At times this all sounds like it’s out of the rule book of The Talented Mr Ripley .. and we know what happened to him .. found out as a total fake .. - it’s incredible what basic ‘stuff’ can be considered pearls of wisdom to some individuals. - The Charmer ( another great series ) had a sticky end and was also found out a fake .. -The Talented Mr Ripley if I recall started his journey from a basement .. Nicholas is still in his basement but maybe going to put into action his precious secret rules on his visit to Italy later this year .. maybe Rome and Positano where we saw Mr Ripley in action … That would be a fun video series to follow .. let’s hope we get out of the weekly basement venue pretty soon ..
Thank you, Nicolas. Your bring freshness and refinement in all your videos. I have always believed thatv sophistication is the ability to put others at ease. All the best to you!! Charm school! Ha!!
Excellent video Nicolas, you presented this like a pro! Very charming and confident in what your speaking about. I wish there were more people like you in the world. ❤
Bonjour Nicolas, nice and very interesting video. The first thing that I did teach for years regarding conversation : the Golden Rule is to LISTEN instead of interrupting the other person you are talking with/to.
Hi Nicholas hope all good with you. I would say I pretty much do all of what you suggested. Although the one thing I definitely must do if listen more to others in conversation s. I shall absolutely start to listen more. Have a great week . Thank you❤
Totally agree with you Nick, education is very important, we have to treat each other with respect and avoid conflict that only takes us to being unhappy 😒 ❤🙏✌️Happy 4th of July 🇺🇲
Thankyou Nicholas 💓 What a genuine & positive video, blooming with ideas on communicating & being more engaging! I truly respect you, warm hugs from Victoria B.C. Canada 🇨🇦 🍁
Great post! This sort of thing is so important and often overlooked, sadly! One must also be well informed and reading and interacting with others does just that. Sometimes people have much to say and don't know how to. This was a good thing to take on. Good job!
Nicolas, this video is packed with great information! I think it's important that these tips are implemented in a way that is authentic and genuine. To not do so would come across as superficial. Of all of the tips and suggestions, I think they should be applied in a way that is customized to the person who is using them. It has to make sense for them and the situation. Otherwise, it would seem as though they are following a prescribed process vs being genuine. Thanks for sharing this information. It's refreshing to hear about skills we all should practice, but sometimes forget to actively use.
Awesome idea for having a good conversation with others . Have a blessed day Nicolas love xx. You are good in explaining it well. Enjoy your day. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
In addition to your charming remarks on charm, I have to add a comment on humor, During my 12 years in the Army Chief of Staff's office in the Pentagon, I became a favorite briefing officer by showing this, There was a MG in the Logistics Directorate, an Infantry officer who frequently referenced his service in the field. The first time I actually was the lead briefer (I had been in his office as an assistance several times earlier) I came into his office and we greeted each other, then I walked up to and around his desk. He asked me what I was doing and I replied that I was checking whether he had mud on his boots. He burst out in laughter that I knew he preferred to be in the field. My briefing went off very well indeed.
I’ve been working on being more charming and elegant for the past two years and I still fail a lot! This video had some tips in it that I feel will take me to that next level❤
I loved this video. You are a good speaker and not everyone can convey as well as you do naturally. I am better at writing for instance. You hit the main points so well. I am a good listener, but my excitement tends to make me say “me too!” in conversations, and I am aware I don’t want to kill the conversation. I am trying to work on this a lot. I don’t have a lot of ppl to talk to but when I do, it’s a lot of talking and catching up and both parties are talking away. With strangers I have more control, and exercise listening much better.
Nicolas, would you consider making an advice video? One where you would answer viewer questions about decor/decorum? I currently have a problem regarding a friend/neighbor, and I would love to know what you would do in my situation. I'm truly stumped. Consider it, and let me know how to submit my question if you choose to do it! Thank you!
Currently undergoing a mentorship program with human resources as a mentor for employees who need some guidance on their behavior under certain circumstances and this is the topic of discussion, it's been useful, the only thing that I don't like is shaking hands, for some reason I never have even before Covid.👍💛😊
@Nicholas Fairford *_I am an American, currently living in North Carolina, blessed with a big house and large pond. Every day I give thanks for it, because of the plethora of native and exotic flora and fauna, all manner of wildlife, colorful songbirds, flowers, fruit trees and a calm and peacefulness that doesn't exist in the city. May I tell you your voice is absolutely the epitome of calm and peacefulness ... and irresistible charm. Much love to you ! May you be highly favored for all your life, sweetheart !_* 🐇🐦🦆🦋🦉🦊🦌🐟🐠🥀🌲🌳🍒🍎🍏🍄🧚♀🧚🧚♂
I'm a Military Brat from the United States of America. I've lived overseas most of my life! One year, I went to 3 different schools in the 7th grade!😳 I'm one that had to learn early how to talk people! Btw, wonderful video!💖😁
I truly needed this Nicolas! Thank you so much! 💖💕 Hearing these tips coming from you just makes it 10x easier. ☺️ I have social anxiety so I’m really looking for different ways to be comfortable making conversation.
Whilst 'teaching' the art of charm and conversation, perhaps you could pay attention to the grammatical difference between practice [the noun] and practise [the verb] and amend your titles accordingly.
Showing us perhaps why you are a prime candidate for receiving the wisdom in this video. Whilst commenting on people's videos, and pointing out errors, perhaps you could be more graceful and have more elegance instead of this awful condescension. Yuck. Gross.
Farily standard; yet, a helpful reminder in this post-lockdown world of screen-time and wondering how to socialize as a human being. People scoff at 1970's architecture of conversation pits; people love to be negative about the past and judgmental about the present. It's a worthy challenge to try to be postive about the future. I find your channel to be a contemporary version of the 1970's residential architcture conversation pit. I've lots of other thoughts on this video; but, will keep my comment concise, for now.
I've been listening to your vlogs! They are so delightful! You are charming, the perfect example of it! Thank you so much for your videos, I really enyoy them!
You are right Nicolas, all these values are not old fashioned at all, in the contrary they are good for humanity and if everyone could think like that the world could be even better...thank you for sharing your interesting video. Un grand bonjour de Paris ❤
Nicolas, thank you for another interesting video. I like your pedagogy on being polite, respectful, and positive. In a world where conflicts and division always takes center stage, it is encouraging to hear more about the virtues that will bring us greater harmony with God, humanity, and creation. This is the same message given to the world from Pope Francis in his encyclical called, "Laudato Si". Continue to be a positive influence with your audience. This is a great message as we Americans celebrate the 4th of July today. God bless, Robert.
Nicolas , Can I ask how you changed your accent from your family "Brummie" accent to a "posh" London accent? Did you take classes ? How long did it take? How did your family feel about it? Also,why did you change your accent? Thanks 😊
The feigned, and usually overwrought interest some people project, can become very tedious. This video succinctly clarified why I usually prefer classic literature to ‘interesting’ conversations, whenever it’s possible to avoid the latter.
First, your mother should be made a super hero mom, for she raised a wonderful son. Second, I wish we could clone you. The world needs more than one Nicolas Fairford in it. Wonderful subject.
Thank you. This is very helpful. As an autistic woman, socializing in general is very difficult; I never know what to say, but these guidelines are very helpful, and things that I can practice, except maybe the eye contact; it is very uncomfortable to make eye contact or maintain it.
