The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life 

Congratulations 🥳

@@jaligawesa thanks

Wow congratulations 🖒🖒

This is amazing! congratulations and well deserved ! Can I ask what software is being used for making the animation? it's done beautifully.

Afef Ktari I’m sure they’ve had it it the same way, no ones ever taught them.

Afef Ktari The parents may have had a difficult childhood themselves.

@@carolineobrien6301 That's not an excuse.

And even if you confront those parents about it, they'll often downplay it or get defensive or make up excuses, etc, etc.

No, it’s not an excuse but they may have been majorly traumatised. It tends to be generational, unfortunately.عبد البر آل سيّد

Wow solid amd strong facts

I didn't... And now I'm so scared of my kids hating me like I hate my parents 😔

I’m just going to screenshot your quote so I can give proper credit when I use this.

@@AmateurAthleteAllDay hello. I read it somewhere too. Altho I didn't know who originally said it.

@@sarateixeira2561 yes, same here. I thought I was pretty secure but I didn’t really know what I was in for, now my daughter is definitely anxious avoidant… learning now is what’s important I think. I’m trying so hard to be a better mother than I was. I hope it counts for something.

This is so precious and wholesome, thank you for sharing. I really hope my son has the same relationship with his dad

Im so happy that your kids have a dad like you 🥹 that sounds so sweet

mom. hey mom.

It’s more likely to mean their mom actually raise them and you are, like most males, a hobbyist dad. Their mistake is probably not because of trust but simply because they spend more time with the mom,

@@marteumar8429 why did you have to go burst my bubble?

Wonderful. Thanks Phil for sharing this with us! 🙏✨

This is wholesome actually tho yea feeling sorry for ur childhood. I'm teen and my childhood was just like spent on without freinds, pets , crying myself to sleep in night, day time being bullied and didn't dare to tell my parents or share any of my emotions. Basically I'm a robot Today afaird to be myself in public but fighting ✨

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

@@shinihahaha4142I relate a bit. It can be hard when it doesn’t come naturally but talking about things is better than keeping it all hidden away and struggling on your own. I hope you get to a secure place ✊🏼

This truly gave me hope, thank you very much

Facts

Whew.

amazingly said!

You have cut me deep with that one.

🤯 wow

The same happens with me too a lot of times!

as an asian i didn’t realize how strict our parents were til i went abroad to study. But i think, knowing why you’re being the way you are helps a lot

yeah same. i saw a friend of mine talking and having fun with her mother, and i was like "is that even possible?"

I talk completely freely to my parents whole my life! I can say them anything and I always do that, and my friends don't understand how I am not afraid of judgement or anything by my parents. I just don't, I now they will understand me for everything, and even if they disagree they know they can't stop me from doing that. Our relationship function in the way that they will try to explain me why I shouldn't do something and what can happen to me if I do, and then I usually don't do bad things because it's my choice and I choose that way.

@@lucyk2634 Stop teasing us with your good childhood.

Thanks for sharing this with us!

"master of the universe" these type of people are the absolute worst.

😂l

Is your mother my mother-in-law? Holy dooly 😂😢

Agreed, I just did the opposite to my parents and did fine

same problem, bud.

Me too..

I had that sort of. My Dad was either jovial or angry. He never talked about feelings and was difficult to talk TO about feelings. Everything felt surface level. My mother was emotionally dysregulated thanks to mental illness and every one of her emotions was ramped up to 1000 and I got the brunt of it all. She talked to me about ALL of her feelings, but mine were unimportant. So now, I CAN express my emotions, I'm just always too afraid to or figure no one else cares. I also have emotional dysregulation thanks to ADHD, but I'm aware of it so I work to be better for my daughter. It's hard and I'm certainly far from perfect, but I hope I'm doing a better job than my mother.

In college, I learned that neglect is more damaging than abuse

Exactly 😢

any one who has watched the Supernanny show can notice 99% of times parents are the problem

Totally agree

Some parents would blame the child.. the narcissists.. they will look at you and say what have you done 😀.. well, um..🤔 me ? 😀..

Don't worry, the state will provide everyone's parenting soon.

How can one be a good parent if they're never there? I think the point of the video is displaying how feminism has failed children. It's saying children need their mothers in their early years.

Agreed

Absolutely.

I think you mean parents should be intentional at parenting that they invest in educating themselves to be great parents. Children aren’t supposed to learn how to be parents, so they don’t need parenting to be a subject at school. But I do agree with the heart of what you’re saying. There are courses called continuing education that equips and empowers people to be great parents.

@@teachermama3897 Perhaps in the last two years of high school learning how to care for younger children could be beneficial to creating healthy parents later in life. Your brain’s elasticity and ability to learn is much higher before the age of 18, so if knowing basic communication and parenting skills with babies could be taught earlier maybe it would be more likely to stick and be a strong memory. This plus sexual education could create less teen moms and dads.

Totally agree. we are studying whole lotta unnecessary things but important life skills like parenting, personal finance etc. aren't taught.

Congratulations on the baby :) It took me many years to begin unravelling my ‘perfect’ childhood and understanding all the disfunction. ‘Running on Empty’ by Jonice Webb really helped me.

It happened to me with my first pregnancy, I can say children are big teachers, listen your baby emotional needs with the heart and go to therapy you'll be a very good parent.

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

Yeah, it's horrible how bad the system is. The adults who are just there for their paycheck do so much more harm than the good people can fix.

😢 Bless you

I LOVE THIS! “I wouldn't trade my weird upbringing for a normal one for a second. It gave me resources to draw from that most people will never understand. Be thankful for whatever you do have, don't be bitter and NEVER give up.” My mum had a bad childhood and has never gotten over it. Blames her upbringing for the abnormal upbringing I had and feels guilty about it everyday. As a child I knew my childhood was different to everyone else’s and had no idea how messed up it would make me later in life. I have mental health issues but I’m happy with who I am and I wouldn’t be this person without that upbringing. I’m actually grateful for it!

Amazing story. Maybe you also have some kind of better than average brain chemistry too. PLUS GOD!!!!

This comment hit home hard!

✌️❤️🙏💖

Same situation 😔

I am not allowed to cry.

@Jeff Z Bye

Danielle, that's why ACEs Matter. We are looking for people like yourself to help teach others about the importance of this ....)

@@ACEsMatter great!

Same! I just watched this being pregnant 36 weeks and with a 14 month old toddler and got so emotional because everything I am doing now matters for the rest of these babies' lives!

I got really emotional, because I saw myself in the anxious disorganized one. I avoid social situations, got lowself-esteem and I don't think I deserve love. All that thanks to my parents being emotionally unavailable (and me being bullied when I was around 10 years old) My parents - at least my mom - meant well. Me and my brother were well cared for. We often went on the playground with our mom, went on holidays and everything, but I never really felt loved. Never felt that there is a connection between us. I still (I'm in my thirties now) don't love my mom - I don't hate her either, she is just a person I know and occasionally talk to. I tried opening up a bit more about my anxiety and depression a few years ago, but she showed no interest in the things I told her. So I stopped trying. I do have two friends I can talk about that stuff and in general things are improving, but it's a LOT of hard work to get it done. Apologies for rambling on like this. I guess I talk so rarely that sometimes things just spill out, haha.

​@@MightyGimp Thank you. I never know how much talking is appropriate so I tend to apologize if I think I might have overstepped a bit. It's admirable that you try to help! With these things outside help often doesn't do that much, sadly. In my opinion the important thing is, that there is someone that supports you, someone that tries to understand. Broken people can't be "fixed", but they can be encouraged to help themselves. Of course everyone is different and what helps one person might be the wrong thing for the next. I hope I don't sound too preachy or anything. It's an important topic to me and people (me included) often have the urge to try to help the people they love and care for... but sometimes you just can't do anything, which can be super frustrating and the reason the friendship/relationship fails. I don't want that to happen to anyone else, because I know how much it hurts. Thank you for the wishes! I'll work hard to accept & start loving myself. It might still be a long way, but I've come so far already. I hope your partner manages to overcome her demons as well. She is very lucky to have you, you seem to be a very kind and loving person. (you even took the time and energy to encourage a complete stranger, thank you for that!) It makes me happy to know that she has someone that cares about her and I'm sure in time those deep scars in her soul will fade. I wish you all the best!

You'll find a way to heal it don't worry, and you'll find a way to help others too. We go through the things we go through for a much grander reason and mission. All the best.

Woh you quite have a similar childhood as mine . So same this is my last year of highschool and I'm afaird and insecure. My results haven't been well too 😔 Hope we go through this battle. The one thing I am grateful that atleast I have hope for better future, hope we find smth to call our home too soon . Fighting ✊✨✨

Hope Blue . May our Heavenly Father Jehovah God be with you .

How is your life now?

I did not enjoy my childhood, but life is fine now in my 30s. You will have a lot more control over things moving forward from this age. Seek counselling, find hobbies you enjoy and you will find that you can meet like-minded people. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, many things that seemed like terrifying important choices in my teens I look back on as almost nothing. And avoid drugs and alcohol. I self-medicated a lot of my problems, and that just wasted my 20s, my health and my money. Good luck!

Kinda similar here lol

😭😭😭 I'd give you a hug, but you'll think I want to trick you too...

You are loved and cared for 🙏

Exactly 😶

I know. 😢

How lucky are we

@@mariatimoteo2462 ha?

same

Now I know why I act the way I act ....

This is why I never/rarely confess how and what I feel, then I remember my childhood a bit, being scolded for little mistake

I hope you get the biggest hug soon, and even that you'll make a friend who will hug you a lot and show you how loved you are!

It is a optional class at my high school! Child development- but it talks about early child-parent relationships and a little about child’s mind / psychology

Sm D wow that’s great! they should definitely implement it into more schools worldwide

In Finland we can study this:)

@@tammarkt fuck Finland we luv AMERICA

They offer psychology in my high school and of course we delve into child development and all but its just really skimmed over and teens dont pay attention, theyre just there for a grade

Don't believe in such flawed theory. Actually such theories are designed and made so that ppl feel there is a problem with that and they seek therapist or may be psychiatrist. This fuel their money need and these theories are for their benefits not yours.

@@amitrajput6904 I know that feeling, psychiatrists is nothing but the doofus of science, You pay them to make you high, There's an already cheaper alternative for that

@@agentcocoa1328 I don't go to therapy to get high, I go to get some much needed perspective.

@@MLBlue30, exactly... but too bad that not all therapists are able to help or don't want to. I houp you have a good one and they make you feel better:)

Sarah ..I had therapist but found meditation and the app Calm a lot more helpful. It takes some practise but you develop an inner peace and better understanding of yourself and life.🧘‍♂️✌️

If you haven't already, have you looked into the autism spectrum as well? I have Asperger's, which isn't fully understood, but is a mix of genetics and environmental factors, and this video just showed me a bunch of my environmental factors

@@skilganon I've looked into it and talked about it to my family. they made fun of it. I've been scared of seeing a psychologist for years

@@Nesggy Even the rare members of my family that aren't trash were surprised/argumentative (e.g. are you sure?, that can't be true) when I was diagnosed. I was told by a psychologist to look into getting tested, and as soon as I started discovering what Asperger's Syndrome is, it made perfect sense to me. I'm still as depressed as ever, but at least I understand better why now. Basically what I'm saying is don't be scared, if you think it might be a possibility, try to find out and best of luck!

@@skilganon I'm not just afraid of getting a diagnosis for Asperger's syndrome. I'm afraid of talking about my feelings, my experiences in life, the relationships, how I'm dealing with depression (even though I'm undiagnosed) Btw I'm supposed to start therapy sessions but I think I missed the call appointment, I have to restart again and sign up and wait a few more weeks

I feel like your situation is the same as mine, except that I don't have a close relationship to either of my parents.

Did i find someone with similar story-

This is me :(

Same here…

Thank you for sharing, Bliss!

Well done for not becoming like your parents. You could have choose the easy route but you ended the cycle there.

Good for her ❤

nice. good job💜💜

U deserve your name❤️❤️❤️

Fr my family calls me emotionless, coldhearted, etc but tbh i just don't know how to express my emotions lmao

Thank you

Autistic children, ppl who get bullied etc

Unfortunately, difficult people make it difficult to do that. I am in the disorganized pattern (CPTSD). Finally getting real help with an excellent trauma dr. All others were a dismal failure.

even our parents and grandparents, usually broken too, super rewarded or ignored

This this this

Exactly, less worse is still bad for a human being, especially a child whose brain is still developing.

Isn't that also really the point of life/generations To make life easier for the next generation

Yeah :'[

@@captaingalaxy5265 I agree

Same, but like how do we reverse this? 💀💀

I wish I knew

@@Coco_xoxo , I don't think we can 😟

@@Coco_xoxo by keeping everything to myself

I'm so used to hiding my feelings that I end up having to fake the right responses in social situations, which is exhausting!

It is not an illness, it is a consequence, we cannot go by life labeling everything not ourselves otherwise why bother even looking into yourself if the labels are already there for you? See? Don’t buy into these sort of things too deep. Just remember, your therapist is just as human and messed up as you are but in a different way. And a cautious advice I would give you from my experience, the moment your therapist decides to become suggestive as to what you should be doing then he/she is not doing their job or don’t know how to do it despite their good intentions. A good therapist only listens and works with that you have to say.

It’s not a justification, but it is highly impactful.

Yeah but that’s why we got to break the cycle of bad parenting

No apology can erase the memory of the “victimized” child. If you are under 40 you have stopped to think rationally. we are a society coming from war, exploitation and oppression. Even in North America. And not to mention the information freely available then that is been growingly more more available. So the younger generations are in a reversed lack of knowledge. And until you walk a mile in a persons shoes, we should always been more understanding and compassion for the older people. Then you will understand they are just humans have human experiences too. And in fact it was in a lot of cases worse than what you experienced. It’s just evolution people. I am thankful it’s improving. And in the past you were not allowed to talk about mental health issues or abuse within a family. It was considered embarrassing. So be great full and thankful not righteous.🙏❤️🇨🇦✌️😎

It's a habit formed over years someone has to be the generation to start the change and honestly it is slower to change for the good than for the bad....we don't tend to remember as many good things that happened as kids as bad things

Yep my dad....

mng mng OMG same my mom always told me that fear is the best way to control a kids behaviour.She would beat us and then she reminded me that she was not my best friend. African culture is the worst

Chicken y’know I was only attached to my dad but after for a few or soo year, when my dad didn’t came back and I heard about his true colour, I was betrayed, I was forsaken and the same guy that I call him a “friend” not just any ordinary friend, but my first best friend, since that I started to hear my mom and my dad’s brother to the phone, and it hurts me to see my dad becoming sooo hostile towards other and how shit he was, and that was the time I lost my only friend, a friend I could look up to, a friend that taught me to love others, respect others, be humble and to love God, now seeing him like this is sad to the point that I’ve started to change, my academic progress is starting to get disruptive as everytime I wasn’t as optimistic as before and I started to get depressed overtime (which happenened before) and then I started to envy my friends and everyone around me, cuz how talented and worthy they are, I started to find myself my own spot but alas it ended up having a feud with one of my friends and that I hurted one of my bestfriend, to the point he cried in his house for 3 days straight, but it was obviously my fault and once we get to confront each other, I couldn’t tell him the reason of my insecurities, he might think that’s bs or stuff like that, regardless we did manage to be friends again, but the feeling of it still remains

You have to reach out....orl3se they won't recognize you l9ve them back You have to open up ..,trust me they are getting old and aren't engeritic anymore.... Every relationship aren't preferct All have problems ...u should prioritize ,let go nd understand them I know it's hard trust me u wouldn't wanna regert it later that u didn't spend enough time with them Just open up while u can...just go for it.

@@varalakshmi4243 i like the way you type

Can relate, my friend has the nicest mom and dad while me over here pretending I do

I'm sorry to hear that Fahad. It sounds like you have a lot of anger and hatred inside you, but that doesn't make you evil. I've been full of hatred and rage and I wanted to hurt people myself because it seemed impossible to find love or be a human being and it's probably the worst thing imaginable to be consumed with hatred from the second I rise until I sleep at night. But that doesn't make a person evil. It's what you do that makes you bad, and the kindness you show in spite of the hate that makes you good. Take care of yourself, and I hope you find the peace you need

Just similar situation is mine similar things happens to me

Everyone around me had a better childhood than me. And now they're all laughing at me because they're just lucky. But one day they will all stop laughing and start crying. You also have to make your abusers cry.

@@iturnedintoabox960 making your abusers cry is not going to fix your problem (unless of course that somehow stops the abuse, which is probably not the case). If you carry through with revenge you will probably find that you are none the better. It's only going to harm you to retaliate against someone who wronged you after the fact.

@@gabbyk.7358 I don't care if I'm better or worse than people I hate, and I especially don't care if revenge hurts me

That's so accurate and relatable 😂

Yeah, sitting at the same room not talking about anything

same, I don't even call him dad anymore, we're just roomates

Huhu. It's hard..

i just logged in again on this acc and im so sad that a lot of u are relating to this T__T it will get better

Totally can relate!!

Hello!! I am form India 🇮🇳 The same situation prevails in my life too. But it's more difficult to face discrimination between son and daughter by a mom. When it's comes the relationships of brother with other girls she won't scold and remain quiet calm. Whereas I am even ask to stay away from any friendship with boys. I feel lack of connection and attachment with my mom. 😶

I feel envious of these friends 💗

Parents do the best they can, they give their 100% even if you feel you only received 5%. Start forgiving, take what you received and now take the responsibility for what you want to become. You can heal your past; it's relieving and you deserve it!

@@rosamarydeayala2314 I've been trying to heal for many years, so.

Right. Thanks for sharing this.

Hear hear!! "Mother is god in the eyes of a child" 😊 I work with children in school & kindergarden and see the consequences of what happens when the mother abandons her child, ..... (leaves the child every morning, separation anxiety & my colleagues hardly even touch the children and raise their eyebrows everytime I give them hugs or am kind & loving to them, I know the importance of physical touch to infants all the way till the day we die, a child needs minimum 8 hugs a day, 12 is best, it makes them smarter & healthier, and it shouldnt stop there but continue until we die :) ...The Father is very important ofc too, but the mother is most crucial, she is by nature the nurturerer & her body & mind has like a connection to the child unf a father does not as strongly, almost like a psychic connection. I think that's also one of the reasons they force fathers to take parental leave to force the mother away from the child. They want our children to be raised by the state & serving the state, obedient weakminded communist citizens owned by the state

There are some vicious mothers out there who demand their right to work, at the same time putting their tiny babies in daycare. I've seen a six week old baby dropped off at 7am and picked up at 6.30pm 5 days a week - it broke my heart seeing this. The babies cry all day. Mothers should raise their own children. I love seeing comments like yours 👍❤

Which is why it baffles me that so many women so eagerly ate up the shit sandwich lies of feminism when that misanderic female supremacist movement told them that the key to being happy was to go into competition with half the human race, squander their biological gift of procreation, and become wage slaves and tax hosts for government parasites. Honestly, this shouldn't be that hard for us to combat: "Hey ladies, which life would you rather have? Do you want to embrace your feminity, find a good husband, live rent-free in his house, start a family with your gift to create life, and with every smile and hug you get from your children, you'll know they are the verse you have added to the symphony of life... Or would you rather deny and forsake your nature to get a bi-weekly paycheck?"

@@UniqueGeekFreak Concurrently, one of the ten pillars for communism as outlined by Karl Marx when he ghost-wrote _The Communist Manifesto_ for Satan was to destroy the family so that the state could become the universal parent.

@Veg Patch--that sounds good in theory, but how can my wife and I make enough money to pay rent, food, car, insurance (all the must-haves) while keeping our son home everyday? He goes to daycare 5 days a week from 730-415. we keep him home whenever we can. but I work full time, wife works part time plus school full time and all the grandparents work too. I know my case is far from unique so exactly how can you shame parents for simply trying to afford the basics. I mean where do you live or are you just lucky enough to have all those basic things giving you the time to not put your kid in daycare? id love it so much if you had a realistic answer to this, forgive me if im skeptical. you think I like taking my son to daycare that much? I spread out my vacation days just so that I can keep him home with me from time to time. I cant believe youre up there shaming parents for simply surviving the best way we can with the economy we live in? 2 parents working full-time at jobs a little higher than minimum wage is barely enough to raise a family. then school on top of that. What is your answer for this? id really love for you to explain how a mother or father could stay home and still afford all of these things.

Meh, harsh and way over simplified. I am glad you weren't damaged enough to understand. Understanding one needs help, going through the process of finding the right help and then the arduous process of discovery and moving through it is for the lucky person. Not easy and not quick.

@@dbbj4205 yeah it’s not as good as some think it is. It’s more complicated than that.

harsh and toxic, it is not easy to change. Not your fault if you don't change, it's very difficult.

It really is

@ally but sadly most of adults problems now in career, relationship etc was began bcs their "undone bussiness issue on their childhood/teenager bcs of lack treats of their parents"

Thanks for sharing your part:)

I don't blame you LOL 😆

Lmao yup

Hahaha gave you something to do so you dont get bored, im the same.

What I try to keep in mind is that parents like this didn't really get the chance of having a healthy childhood either, and that translated into their way of taking care of their children. Summing up, it's a domino effect and only stops if you can ackowledge your mistakes, stand up and are ready to correct them. But at the end of the day (I know you may have been through terrible things and I'm sorry about it) don't blame your parents OR yourself. Be ready to make the changes you want, which can only happen in YOU.

deepmarsh saaaaaame.. but we’re just so damn ungrateful 😂

The best part of being a parent is not doing the unwanted things our parents did! :)

Carmen Sampson True indeed! I don’t have any children yet but my driving force for healing & therapy was telling myself everyday that the curse stops with me! My daughter will never endure an ounce of the family-tied trauma, I did growing up. Not if I have anything to to with it.

@@pink_cyan2396 I totally agree with you. Its a sad cycle. At some point the cycle must be broken...to me...if you know what abuse feels like..why abuse?

I don’t think it’s that easy. My biological father had a normal childhood. Nothing special. His sister (2 years older) turned out great. Still he did some things that no parent should do. You can’t blame everything on their own parents. Sometimes it’s the person themselfs.

That was very kind and wise of you.

I’m sorry for your loss 🙏

you are a good mom : )

Pls continue to do this

It's just ALL about trying hard

Me too 😊🌈

Yeah lady ,awesome good job , its not that hard to be nice and not hurt , keep trying ok 💖⭕

What if they’re watching this after already ruining the child’s life? Does your huge respect still apply?

@@happyemoji6553 i think yes cuz atleast they're trying to be better towards their kids... Even after all the hurt they do if they correct their mistakes and apologize to their kids then it'll help the kids.. Yes my huge respect still remains if they're watching this realize their mistakes and understand their child better.. And if they're watching this just to mock their child again they don't deserve that child.. And they're no different from other parents who sucks

My son is 7 months old. My mom died of cancer when I was 14, I watched her suffer. After that, my dad became abusive towards me and our family fell apart. A bunch of other stuff happened too but point being...I know I have a lot of emotional and mental baggage and I don’t want to push that onto my son. So I’m trying to educate myself to be a better mother and break the cycle of a broken home and heart.

@@sarahryan422 i love you.. Plzz take care.. I'm sure your son will be very proud of you and you have my huge respect

Parent of a two year old here :)

Ikr my parents raised me completely horribly..i am 15. I have commitment issues despite not even having my first relationship. I am pretty positive that i don't want a child, not because i don't want it, but because I don't want add another person with miserable life to this world, I've had enough and it ends now and here with me.

You are SOOOOO correct!!

yeah, they take it as a game in society, where not getting married and settled and not having children is looked at weirdly. so many people here just do it to stop society's whisperers from getting to them.

@@Aiibh i felt like that also 100%. Then I'm 1990, on my father's 50th birthday, he shot my mom to death and then himself. Husband and I changed our life plan and added a daughter. I'm so soooo glad we made that decision. It was my way to change generations of destruction and add a blessing to this world. And my girl was a Navy medic, served with Marines at Camp Jejune, and she's now a registered nurse.

I think the craziest thing is people just making children out of wedlock and just straight up abandoning them. I couldn't imagine being such pos

I know exactly how that feels

The worst is that even other people blame me because I am not “enough emotionally open” and I don’t show my feelings, and this makes me feel bad too. They don’t understand how hard it is.

I had to hide and lock up my (mostly positive) emotions in my childhood and teenage years, because my alcoholic abusive father would use them against me. I am 36 years old today and I don't think I'll ever be able to express them freely again. It's just gone.

I know how it feels. I can't express my feeling because of the fear of being judged.

I'm not 100 percent sure what my problems are half the time and when I can pinpoint it my mind somehow finds a way for it to not make sense (for example: when my mom found out I was looking up things about depression she told me I wasnt then said "well was it worth it?" And I got confused and she took all my stuff. Then when I went back and said she did that she said "I would never do that" . I cannot tell if this truly happen or not.) Anytime I tried to hold anyone accountable for anything I would question if it was just me and I was just trying to blame others EVERY SINGLE TIME! I dont know what's wrong with me. I'm very distant from my mom too and she told me very subtlety that it was my fault. Is everything my fault? Idk

That's the worrying thing. I am trying to do the best for my child, I am in now way abusive and have the best intentions but I feel I question whether my actions are negatively affecting him and therefore my parenting doesn't flow naturally .. even if you mean well, you can easily get it wrong :(

@@donnagryniewicz5318 I don’t feel as though I’m in a place to give advice or accurately critique, I’m an 18 year old kid in college. That said by informing yourself and evaluating your actions in order to better care for your child I feel you are taking the best course of action to ensure their development is healthy.

@@donnagryniewicz5318 I am not a parent but one thing I have come to understand is that if the intentions stem from love and that love is shown which is genuine acceptance for who they are but also correcting them when they are wrong is appropriate and needed. Showing lot of love and care most of the times and tough love when required is the what parents should do. Its that balance that might keep a person from becoming one of the extremes of entitled/ self unaware or emotionally inept and with low self esteem.

​@Anki d you should be a parent, you will do great! :)

@@parittramandal2797 Thanks! hope so.

Please take care of him. My mother destroyed me.

@@j4r3d29 How?

envy beats By being neglectful. Abusive, both mentally and physically. And marrying bad men who hurt me.

Cheering on you💜💜💜💜

Mista J That sounds like a really destructive environment!! Is there anyway you can get out of it or ask someone for help? No one should be treated that way!

😔 👋

🥰 sending you love!

Good news. We get to choose our family. Bloodline not necessary. It took me a long, long time to "get" that. Glad I did because my sister's and brothers from other mothers are the best family I could have hoped for growing up.

So you dont have a family Man.

I agree. Thank you AndreastheRed, for writing this!

Is easier to empathize when we share a common kind of pain

Home of the blues!!

We are more alike than we are not.

It's a circle-jerk of crybabies. Nothing new there.

It will get better. For most of us it will. ❤️

Start going for walks, getting sun, make a friend or two if you can, hang out with a friend more than at home. If that doesnt make you happy and you still have bad thoughts, then have an adult talk to you.

Suicide is not the answer to your problem. It simply becomes a justification to those that didn’t appreciate you. A way to justify themselves. Be stronger, you can do this my friend. How many people live in this world??? Billions! You are not alone 😊 there is indeed purpose for you around the corner!

On a side note, I had been in the same hole as you. What I realized after so much thinking inside and out, is that yes, I have been affected emotionally and I haven’t been able to learn to regulate those emotions, but when I tried to get better things seem to invariable take me back to square one, that’s when I realized that not only the development of my ind had been affected but my body as well, therefore the chemical functions that pertain to our emotional regulation has also been damaged. What you need is to rebuild your dopamine levels, thru exercise, sun light, if you live in a cloudy or cold area adopt a diet that Scandinavians for instance or other people living in depressing weather conditions do, for instance you will find that a 2 ounce shot of fish oil every morning can start working wonders, or that taking sun when you wake up or some sort of light that enhances your mood for 10 minutes at least before you begin your day helps, a “happy light” if there is no light. The light must be received with eyes open, not crazy open just your normal routine or being awake, perhaps read while you do this. Another thing that will be a game changer for you is to take Lion’s mane mushroom, they sell capsules of it. But you can also buy the whole thing but mushrooms are a more concentrated in capsule form. This mushroom is edible and not hallucinogenic. And allergy wise you will be safe unless of course mushrooms are your enemy. What the mushroom does is help you focus, it doesn’t change anything in you, it simply focuses and relaxes you so you may actually be able to use whatever potential you have available at the moment and keep growing. I would take it before work or school a couple of capsules. I buy it from a label called Host Defense. I gave you the name so you can tell the dosage I’m taking from the label in terms of grams. Another good thing for your immune system with all this crazy business of making people sick for profit nowadays turkey tail mushroom when you feel your immune system down, it works wonders, if really sick take 8 pills for a week twice a day. And you will see that on the third day you start feeling the effects. Just like with any natural medicine it often takes longer for our body to assimilate them because they are not synthetic. And last but not least, self affirmations, do them mentally and loud as loud as you feel comfortable, but do them when you are struggling to not give up, they come in handy then, do them at night, before bed to rewrite your own story. I have found that self affirmations seem to work best when I run to almost exhaustion and right at that moment as test for me to go the extra mile and don’t give up I start self affirming my superiority over my current self.

You're free to do whatever you want. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Blinky I feel your pain. it's better now but I remember several times when I was younger I tried to say "love you" to my dad and he responds with "like you a bit / you're not so bad yourself " etc as joking because he is naturally dry sarcastic humour and at times I wanted to hear it n it hurt a little I wasn't even that young but still left a mark I'm the same if someone says "I love you " not that anybody really does. I know this guy online who seems smitten with me I don't believe it tho and he called specifically to say that and j got angry and said he's wasting my time I need to go. if anyone does I just don't believe them or don't respond it's barely in my vocabulary I'm and I sadly autistic but haven't had any support with it hardly so I've kind of just accepted fate now to say it's been a hard journey would be an understatement so I can relate to what you're saying I don't think that there is much hope for me to be anythung more than a hermit and hopefully I'll manage to not go broke

@@vvelvettearss im sorry to hear that :(

I can relate. I can only think of one time when my mom said it. I won't let myself get emotionally attached to anyone, except for one person. (I'm glad I see my counselor again next Wednesday! She is wonderful!)

That is so sad, I’m so sorry to hear that. There’s a man in our town (super sweet old guy who runs the pharmacy) and he keeps these little sheets of paper on him. He hands them out to everyone, and they say “smile, I love you and God loves you” We run a produce stand and I taped the one he gave me to our counter so that folks who might need to see that can ❤️

Yeah my childhood was actually good and affective but my parents rarely say "i love you" so for me it's embarrassing too

You are an amazing parent 💜

@@AllMusicRelated Thank you!

@@jenkinskatrina966 you are actually a great parent for actually giving some time from your life into learning and becoming a better parent, most parents don't even bother to watch and learn about parenting and get over with the "these are for those who will have children soon", "parents always know the best and do the best for their children" and "these are just biased things to make our children brats and create distance from us" mentality and children will watch them and learn to become better parents in future

Amazing feeling to find your thoughts being reflected in another's words.

That is because we are all children. Just old children, still trying to make sense of our complex early lives.

❤️ it’s amazing what you are doing!

@@sprouts OMG thank youuu!!! ;D ❤️

Well I hope they ain't abusive. I have no clue what I'd do unless you move out or ultimately get a boyfriend that you talk to about this stuff or friend in general

@@connergalles7106 well they are a bit, my father is physically and my mother verbally- Thank you for taking the time to answer me, i appreciate it!! I am get involved with good trustful people who help me, i'll manage all this :)

You're so sweet, I wish I could be a better sister myself. Wish you the best

same 😥

You don't have to go back in time to fix these things. 'Cause you can start taking control of yourself now and decide if these things will still affect you or if you'll become more than what you are right now ;)

Same and I'm barley 18

Same

Maybe with hypnosis

Ya boy Roy Not just you. I was so angry for 3months I could barely function.

I could. In other times, maybe. But now, after many years, after seeing my best dreams and ambitions destroyed and made impossible, I realize that life is like a card game: you are dealt a hand and must play. Some get a good hand, other get a very bad one and have no chance to win. All we can do is play as good as we can, do our best with what we got and see if we can at least earn something. No use in getting angry and complaining, it doesn't help and makes things even worse. We rather try to prevent others from getting similar handicaps. And it saddens me seeing the world today, with the very important family values being destroyed, single mothers, children poorly assisted, divorcing parents. All those people who don't know and cannot understand the importance of a functional family. Because they didn't feel the lack, they don't realize and don't know what they received from their parents and therefore diminish their importance and act irresponsible. And there those, having lacked the benefits of a functional family, don't get to realize its importance because they don know what they missed. As it goes, we will have a lot of company in the future.

Ya boy Roy fun fact: if you make a conscious effort, you can change your attachment style. I’m no expert, but you can definitely look up videos/articles on how to do it

i feel so mad

Nope, you are not alone

I'd argue especially if it's their 4th child etc. I don't think people with more children equates to being better parents. In my case, being the 3rd child was very strenuous on my development because my parents weren't able to adequately juggle all of the responsibilities of properly raising that many children well simultaneously.

that woudl only work in sweden or canada, since the governments there are culturally fitting a completely different role. Government in America is regarded as a simple societal cog, where in other countries their considered to be the backbone of society.

Well said

Parenting courses would probably help but the most important thing is the education to the self. This means we need to learn how our backrounds affect our behaviors. Then work on any unresolved issues so we don't pass them all on to the next generation.

Instead of teaching parents how to feed and change a nappy they should be taught the important things. Parenting classes at the beginning of every stage of the child’s life.

I'm a nanny and that's a frequent thing mentioned in our nanny conversations at the park. We often wonder why people have children, since they just hand them over to us and barely see them.

@@annarawlings6841 I could list many reasons, none of them justifiable: 1. The comfort of a high income;dual income home is difficult to swap for a lower income standard of living. 2. The love for one's job and the the thrill and reward for advancement. 3. Societal pressure not to look like a failure. None of these reasons are good, because essentially you're selling time with your child. I'm praying to sell my company one of these days. Edit: I do go home very early, which is such a blessing. Although I still work from home, but at least she's there with me and I can take her to her extra mural activities and perform them with her. It's difficult but necessary and an absolute pleasure. Thank you for doing the job you do. I hope you love that child as if he or she is your flesh and blood.

I am on maternity leave and scared to go back to office! Watching all these videos make me anxious!!

@@disha1456 You'll be okay ♥️ Children become attached to working mamas as well. Just be present when you're with your kid ♥️

@@justtam321 Yeah I agree…present at the moment 💯💯

Glad to hear that! It’s damn hard. Be strong! You are the most important person in someone else’s life.

Hey give yourselve a break your doing the best you can.... no worries

Self awareness is key.

please do your best to make your child a secure person , may god protect both of you!

hang in there Mama you're not alone

Oh sir/ma'am, Im extremely sorry for what happened to u. Im 18 years old girl. I had a terrible childhood too. I cannot focus on my work bc of some shit going on in my life. I feel u. I won't blame you for you realized things lately. Its okay. I don't think so you are living a bad life. Its incredibly beautiful. People like us can understand each other bc we are going thru same stuff. Wish u all the best!!!

I'm so sorry.

i am sorry! i wont laugh at you. there are lot of people wont. i see you are a good lady who has a big heart for people and cats. you are important to them :)

Oh my gosh, my heart absolutely breaks for you because I can feel such pain in every word you express! I’m so sorry you had to grow up with parents like that

It's never too late. Never. Think of discovering this information as your starting point Friends are family you choose for yourself. You've likely got lots of living left, if you don't decide to end it early. Keep learning, keep volunteering, put your newfound knowledge in practice.

oof xd God bless you. :)

Relatable

Same but then therapy started at 10 yrs and then i slowly realized over yrs and yrs that maybe my parents needed to fuckin join me

same but its my dad

Or the famous "You don't pay bills, so you don't deserve to feel sad".

All the best Malavika 🙏❤️

Unfortunately a lot of people have dealt with this behavior from their parents. They were taught this by their parents. I encourage you on your recovery from a "less than nurturing" environment. Two 12 step groups have been helpful to me ACA and CoDA. I wish you the best. I'm also grateful we live in a time when we can work on our family of origin issues and starrt to heal so we don't pass it on to the next generation.

Saaaaame!! My mother was awful. She’s dead now and I miss her but then I’m like, why? She was a horrible mother. She doesn’t deserve to be missed. She screwed my sister and I up for life.

We’re your parents Klingons? My parents were the same way.

I am also facing the same issue from my parents now I also trying to solve the issue day by day .i wish u all the best malavika

one way is by practicing new habits.

@@sprouts make new video on this please

My answer to fix oneself is to understand which of the examples best characterizes the self individually. If you look at yourself positively, continue being so and learn more things to keep you in such a state. Do not worry about your down days, they come and they go. Choose to be positive as best you can. If you feel more negative, realize that what you feel you lack is indeed within reach. You may have lots of negative emotions, but all those emotions are simply energy in motion. Yes, they may be used to fuel negative thoughts, or they can fuel your creativity. You can use that overwhelmingly negative energy to draw, to make music, to exercise, to write poetry, anything that requires energy, you can use negative emotion to fuel. This also goes for those who feel in the midrange between positive and negative. In short, how one uses their energy determines the actual end result. If anything, do not deny your negative thoughts, use the energy that they bring to accomplish anything, even small things that give you a sense of accomplishment.

'Boundaries' book by Henry Cloud is interesting self help book. The "Love Yourself" is a vague thing, I agree. How about defining it like this: "How much self care am I operating?". People who are secure and OK are operating self care, e.g. diet, safe sex, exercise, saying when annoyed, speaking out about being taken advantage of to stop it, avoiding toxic people when they know from experience what it leads to, Faith like yoga or Buddhism or Church?, going out to see people, reading, .... Just generally, if we can't define 'Love Yourself', we can define the manifestation of it by our level and commitment and consistency of Self Care. That was what I thought about that measures it. Hope these help ; ) K

We did make a video on Habit Change: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-vdo0h3DQQmw.html Hope its of any help here.

That's a very responsible plan. I wish you all the luck

@@kuramakenshin4209 thanks! ❤

I will be 30 this year and I still have no desire to get married nor have children.

@@evanmarshallryanfemali7725 because it's all about the personal decision and don't let other dictate you what to do. 💪

I wish i could but my past means ill probably die in my 60s or 50s

I agree!

you're treating creating and bringing a new human into existence like a home makeover project actions have consequences, how about holding people accountable for their own choices and actions, if you don't know how to parent a child then don't make one, but they did it because they wanted to fit in the society

That was my first thought after watching this video. I now live in the UK which has quite generous parental leave but I used to live in the US where I knew plenty of women who were back in work just two to four weeks after giving birth with their baby in full time day care! When people ask how come Americans are so f'd up I always tell them about the lack of paid time off for parents and the awful day cares over there, these two things have damaged two generations at least of Americans.

@@Angora573 Yes that sounds pretty sad really, you might wonder what the point of having children was!!! No chance to establish breastfeeding which is great for baby's health, secure attachment and bonding. Going back to work 2-4 weeks after birth must be bad for the mothers health too as this should be a joyous time in a new parents life. I know its a reality these days for people to stay afloat financially. UK n NZ new parents are lucky in that respect

NZ only has 6 months of paid leave though, used to only have 3 until not long ago. Early childcare is the most expensive in the OECD and most centres are sub-par compared to the European ones. I'm a European living in NZ so I don't compare NZ to the States for example, that's the lowest bar to compare yourself to. The people here also don't know how to express themselves properly and quality communication skills are non existent. Poor mental health is a public health issue and to top it all the parents these days seem to have a child-centered approach to raising their kids. I've never seen this many mothers stay at home until kids go to school, putting immense pressure on the father to provide which is so time and energy consuming the kids can't possibly benefit fully from their presence. Children also have really poor literacy and numeracy skills and I could go on but that's off-topic.

@@Angora573 UK system only works for people with good jobs , usually two parents , many poor paid families can't afford good childcare still ,it's not readily available in all! Areas

I'm from India,my friend asked for leaves for Honeymoon. Manager (we call team leader, a mamager, jk *we're aked to call tl a manager*) rejected becuase of work load (bcos tl incentive was on stakes).

or our exhusband

This is true..

same here, i don't trust nobody now

I wondered that too.

This is my fear for my daughter

That's insane. You must be a good and strong person by definition if you have gone through something like that

I feel deeply sorry for the things you had to go through. I wish you the best ❤

Wish you a good luck

grand slamwich thanks for sharing

That Kirby avatar made me bust out laughing, so my day's already better. XD

Thats good for you!

Niiice

No coz he's too busy making videos

I bet you'll still put your baby in daycare though

Veg Patch daycare is not at all bad, it depends on the care provider, also I love Amy's like smoke lioness was a great album

Saad - Let’s hope. The problem is...so many people go into parenting truly believing they are prepared, but as soon as you’re in the midst of it, you don’t recognize the mistakes until later. That’s the trouble with perspective. It’s easily lost. I experienced a horrific childhood, and while I did not repeat this with my child, I did make mistakes that I was entirely unaware of at the time I was making them. I’m not even sure there is a way to be totally prepared. It’s never quite what it seems like it will be...you only find out what it’s like once it’s happening, and often that’s just far too late.

I agree so much, I had similar experiences in school also

I agree so much, I had similar experiences in school also

This. This is what did me in.

I learned martial arts and practice gun manipulation due to school bullying, and this is years later. So yes, childhood experiences at school do affect you in adulthood.

Agree. I have an amazing mother. We have such a great relationship. But in school I was always more of an outsider. Nowadays I‘m just a complete loner. Like, I literally have no friends. Well, I have one but she lives far away and we only talk every couple of months. I could probably drop dead tomorrow and nobody except my mom and my grandparents would really care. Sometimes I wonder if one can die of loneliness. Maybe someday the heart just stops beating or something.

tried that,it makes it worse

An admirable advice. It didn't work for me. I have tried to meet "him". It hurts to a point where words become completely useless. I always run as soon as I "spot" him.

@@chinamonkee1478 ❤️💕

@@justdev8965 I really felt that response. The little one running away needs to be “caught” and just held until they calm down. No words necessary. Just a firm loving embrace. I’ve been there. An indescribable feeling is waiting on the other side of that. 🙏

@@akc1739 thoughts cause emotions. You created a beautiful picture and you made even me feel sweetness. That child you were also, I bet ❤️

Welcome 🙏