The Awful Absurdity of Destiny 1 

green screen jez is BACK (and had too much to say imo). i couldn't have made this video without displate popping off to help me pay the editor. the posters are actually FRESH as HELL and make a great gift! Code "JEZ" 👉 displate.com/th3jez (huge discount)

Somehow when Jez films himself in interview style I get reminded of what I looked like doing powerpoint presentations in middle school

It's actually so crazy for me to watch this video because I know it now to be 100% true and the story was horrible, but since it was the first real video game that I played fully, I was so mesmerized with the world and being immersed in the game and figuring out gameplay and controllers that I literally did not notice any shortcomings with the story at the time lmao.

This is some Monotone-Complainey-Guy energy and it makes me very happy. Thank you Jez.

Honestly the fact we killed a Fallen Archon in our first actual mission is rather significant. Fallen hierarchy at this point is a very simple structure. You have the Prime Servitor, which is worshipped as a God by their respective House. This is because they are made in the image of their Great Machine (The Traveler). Under that you have split authority between a House's Kell, who is their military leader and their Archon Priest, religious leader. The Archon Priest is responsible for maintaining the Prime Servitors. Saint-14 killed the Kell of the House of Devils before he disappeared, Solkis. He has never replaced and instead the House of Devils became puppets of the House of Kings, a fact we don't know at the time. So basically our first actual mission after initially escaping with our ship we managed to knock out the second in command of the House of Devils, the primary Fallen threat on Earth. It's a big part of the Fallen narrative all across D1's life. We kill any and all leadership figures we come across, which directly lead to Uldren and the House of Kings uniting them all into the House of Dusk prior to the invasion of the Red Legion.

🤓🤌 this video

I get the impression Peter Dink was just told he was voicing a robot so he gave it his best monotone, totally emotionless voice. Although that still doesn't explain the jokes also being completely deadpan.

Please make approximately 13 more of these. IMO the format is phenomenal, your dry humor really kicks me right in my laugh hole and I will not be pressing charges. Love it, 3/10 ⭐️

MyNameIsByf is shaking right now. Is it fear? Is it anger? It is arousal? My money is on all 3

I know that Right Now Bungie is at absolute peak shitshow, but it's refreshing(ly harrowing) to be reminded that Destiny has ALWAYS been a shitshow at some level. Also, the execs torpedoing the narrative at the 11th hour is just 👌🏽👌🏽 so on brand

Cool fact, the tri-corn is what happens when you combine a triangle and a circle

More fun facts about Dinklebot's D1 depression: Before the collapse of the game's original story, he was supposed to have a very minor role with characters like Zaval and Cayde giving mission dialog. When the story was rewritten, Dinklebot was the last one to record his lines and just ended up with all the exposition the other characters were supposed to give. All this info is from a book called Blood Sweat And Pixles, which talks about how much of a shit show game development usually is 9.863/10 would recommend.

I loved the feel of d1s originally campaign as your hopping from planet to learning about our enemies in this new world while also learning more about how my warlock powers worked through gameplay. It just captured my young teenager brain so well. I knew at the time the story wasnt really good but it still kept my interest due to just giving me enough through the story and gameplay.

I can’t tell you how amazing these green screen rants are Jez, they just entertain me so much that I feel like a 3-year old who was prematurely handed an iPad with bubble-popping games. My little wet noodle brain can’t get enough of this ❤

This comment is reserved for guardians who've been around since Peter Dinklebot was a thing.

Despite Jez’s valid and hilariously humorous takes on the shortcomings of the D1 campaign experience…why do I love it so? Why do I miss it so dang much?

Jez, your Green Screen rants are a level of quality that we’ve never seen from you before. Congrats on this achievement homie. Long time coming. Cheers

I am still so salty that Rasputin got randomly killed off after 8 years of build up because some fallen we've killed multiple times can suddenly hack

This is just what I needed, a whole hour of Jez narration to relax to after work

Still better than Lightfall’s campaign

My dude, reading the reviews at the end was incredible and deserves its own series of videos.

Thanks for bringing this back! Loved how you compared the two VOs and noted how crazy and out of order the campaign seemed. Hope this does well! Can't wait to see more!

This is legitimately the best video you've made yet and probably the best D1 retrospective I've seen. Always love your content, keep up the amazing work!

I've got to give it to you, these are really effin good. You should make a series out of these.

Jez is the kind of guy to be 10 years late but still Rocks really Hard( don't show that to Amy)

Dude you owning Ultron Sove when he says "She's saying you owe us" is something I have wanted to do for eons! Thank you for doing it for all of us, I literally can not stand the guy!

Jez, your humour makes me laugh unreasonably hard. Keep doing what you do, you're great at it.

I love the rants and rhe comedic presence jez has throughout an hour long video.

Almost an hour of uninterrupted Jez?! At the rate he speaks, I can't imagine how many 10's of thousands of words this is

Love these film size breakdown videos! All your videos are great but this *chef's kiss*. We love you Jez.

great video thanks Jez !!! i apreciate the hard work that goes into videos like this

This is your best work yet! Thanks for the comedy and dedication. :)

I would just like to commend the effort in this video. That's a LOT of writing. and a LOT of performing. Bravo, Jezzy.

Would’ve been interesting if the fight against the three minotaurs in the black garden was instead one massive unique vex construct and each phase regressed it back into its own past, gaining a new form and abilities matching the period it regressed to.

Yknow I kinda forgot about people doing dialogue loading into the mission that isnt just like the main cast, like the cryptach giving lore when loading into that moon mission its kinda cool imo

It's so awesome when Jez puts this level of effort into his videos. These videos ARE all bangers. Jez = Everyone's favorite critic of a game he hates, but plays to pay his rent.

My brain is fried. And yet I continue watching this video. Probably the same mindset as Jez making this

Caught that Heroes reference at 25:15 What a throwback holy shit

What a great start to my day at work. Watching an hour long Jez video.

This was packed with all that Jez energy I crave when watching RU-vid content, Very well done.

I don't want to imagine hearing a monotone, dead pan ghost when he rants at Savathun in the final Witch Queen campaign mission.

So basically, Bungie leadership has been one of its biggest problems since development. I'm starting to think Playstation should just get board control cause clearly the leadership is a mess.

Love the video! Must've taken a lot of work but it paid off so well and made me laugh so much! Keep it up! And don't worry, I've already watched your cyberpunk vid 5 times by now

I love watching these types of vids. So nostalgic to look back on the campaign

I absolutely lost it at "everybody's anus got a city" 😂 I'm loving this genre of video from you Jez! Great work once again!

I love dinklage va for ghost for the most part. The emotionless speach made it clear our ghost was a mechanical mix and could have made the few actual emotional moments sooo much better when the normal pattern of emotionless banter is broken.

I absolutely love this video lmao so funny major props to you and the editor!!

This is a spectacular project Jez, loving the work into your vids!

I’m just impressed on how it was one hour of well-thought out critiquing and making it seamless. Wouldn’t even think you were reading from a script, unless you didn’t which is even more impressive. More of this is great

Second dark souls reference from Jez now I’m just waiting for the Elden Ring play through

OOF that Titanfall 1 comment at the start of the video hurt me to the core.

the first 10 minutes, i couldn't stop but admire how good D1 looks in upscaled 60fps

Hahah, at least Destiny 1 still has its campaign.

Big money moves Jez. Love you buddy keep it up.

I love these deep dive rants on a early Monday morning to start my work week :)

I absolutely love these style of videos from you. Banger.

monotone complainy guy returns

11:27 "Just ask my pregnant Wife.... also my Wife is not actually pregnant" Why do you play with my Emotions this much?

8:15 When our Guardian was resurrected, there weren’t enough Guardians to man the walls. They barely survived the Six Fronts and the Great Disaster followed soon after. After losing so many Guardians, they were in a death spiral. It’s was only after our efforts to open up the system, push new boundaries, and eliminated some big threats that we were able to thrive and rebuild to the Age of Triumph. Really live the epic feeling of our Guardian being the one who changed everything… 😎

This is early Christmas present from DU. Thank you Jezes... Happy summer down there... Love it.

The icon is a ghost?

Even not playing destiny 1 I can safely say I understand 60% of the lore thanks to jez

@Th3Jez As a long time listener, this video made me proud. You still haven’t peaked my guy

such a banger of a video i was gonna watch it bit by bit so that i can have something to watch with multiple dinners... and next minute i knew it was at the end of the video

I know Jez always talks about how dumb he is, but he is an amazing writer tbh. Hilarious, spot-on summations, funny insights, and honestly an impressive amount of research.

Peter was under the impression theyd digitally mess with his voice for ghost. They did not.

The green screen explosion has returned😂. It's like a little treat and i love it everytime

Just a correction about the Black Garden minotaurs: The Eschaton Mind actually symbolizes the Vex faction in the Black Garden--Eschaton signifies the end of the *present* age, much like the Black Heart does. Note that the Sol Divisive are all grassy. The Imminent Mind symbolizes the future, as something that is imminent has yet to occur. The donut head is also thematically the same as the Vex Descendants. The Descendants themselves aren't actually grassy, just that location in the Vault.

The my wife's not pregnant joke aged well lol

I was not expected to hear Dinklebot again, and feel a small joy that Jez used it because he's canonically narrating in 2014 edit: hold up, you're telling me, you used Dinklebots lines on earth, but the best line he has on the moon of "We've WOken the HIVE!!!" you used Nolanbots????? Jez you're killing me man

It's genuinely shocking to me how much your Guardian and Ghost interact with each other in cutscenes here, when in D2 99% of the time you just get talked at by Ghost the entire time, as if he's your annoying teacher and not your partner.

Ok it's the little edits like the Smash Bros border KO that make this an absolutely God tier video.

These 'was absurd' videos are gold, and def have a lot of effort put into them

11:36 "also my wife is not actually pregnant" COMING BACK TO THIS AFTER YOU AND AMY SHARED YOU ARE FINALLY PREGNANT TODAY WITH A SON. CONGRATULATIONS PAPA JEZ AND MAMA AMY AHHHH 🥰

These are my favourite videos of yours this and the beyond light rant love them, please keep them coming.

The trumpets at the menu screen goes so hard

Five nights at Freddy's didn't create furries we existed since the 90s and I really like destiny 1 more than destiny 2 actually also how are you able to get Peter dinklage's voice lines they changed the ghost's voice actor in The taken King and replaced all the old voice lines with the new voice actors

Jez the story teller, the teller of all stories.

54:00 you love to see that Jeb hasn't forgotten how to say you-doubleyou-you

Love these. My power just went out, so this is perfect to pass the time.

Love this style of Jez content

Jez’s reaction to “You owe us Guardian” is peak.

This has to take so long to make, but dear lord, this is such good content.

I loved PD's Ghost. It's like no one cares that our Ghosts are still robots. Which are known for not having emotions.

Hearing the tease for a taken king one of these already has me excited. one of my favorite of your series.

Actually incredible video keep it up JEZ. these green screen videos are quickly becoming my favorite!

I'm sure these types of vids are way more work than your regular TRV/Datto gameplay content, but I hope they keep coming every so often.

"That wizard came from the moon." -Peter Dinklage, 2014

the fact that you used Peter Dinky-Wink's voice in the start of the video was hilarious and I realised way too late into watching it too.

i like to think that canonically this entire hour long video was just one long advertisement for the cyberpunk video which also slaps

theres a line in the fallen saber strike right before we drop down to the boss room where ghost is jealous of rasputins bunker and then comments "i live in your backpack" has anyone ever seen guardian with a backpack??

I thought you weren't going to do this again. This just never gets old.

Loved this video. The review bit at the end had me laughing my ass off. Please do more, Jez!

I would be so down for a series where Jez reads/roasts reviews of stuff.

im only 15 mins in and this is the best video jez has put out the entire year

Great vid mr Jez… really enjoyed, ✌🏾😊

Ngl this might be my favorite form of content to watch rn. S/O to Jez and his editor

oh my god out of nowhere we get an hour long jez narration video. 2023 ending alright.

These are my favorite videos from Jeb

Absolutely amazing work with this one!