Get out of the relationship with the narc. Grey rock them. Works much better than anything you could say to them. They seek engagement and speaking to them is fueling them no matter what you say.
It is true. They are a dead end and can't be changed. Their MRI scans show that they think in wrong parts of the brain and normal parts of their brain are in darkness and don't function. I do enjoy the Love Bombing...at arms length. I am shocked at how they all play by the the playbook? Such predictable manipulations straight out of the DSM5??? ; ) K
Yep they feast on the challenge fuel and seeing us rattled. Reaching the point of indifference with them aka gray rock bores and starves them and they’ll look elsewhere. Complete no contact is the best for us. 🙏🏼❤️💪🏼
When a narcissist tries to gaslight you say this, “I disagree. You are full of crap. There is nothing you can say to convince me that I’m wrong.” Then walk away. The reaction I got. The jaw dropped. Trust me, it’s a priceless moment.
@@judyscheiber3661 my thoughts exactly. These phrases don't work on anyone, maybe on workplace or neighbours who are trying to bother you with their stupid questions but not with spouses, children, siblings, boyfriend, girlfriend...it literally feeds them with anything you say.
It’s good to have ammunition but narcissist’ s tactics are very fluid. Have these under your belt, sure, but your most powerful weapon is not showing emotion. Be aloof and neutral. Neutrality kills them!
Thank you! Love the asshole one. 😂 Here’s my list: 1. I don’t accept your definition of me. 2. I am sure you would see it that way. 3. I hear you. 4. I understand. 5. That’s interesting. 6. Wow. 7. I see. 8. That’s your choice. 9. You’re entitled to your opinion. 10. I’m sorry you feel that way. 11. Let’s talk about this when you are calmer. 12. This subject is off limits. 13. Guilt peddling and playing the pity card are not going to work anymore. 14. This is non negotiable. 15. I know you’re upset. 16. No thank you. 17. Yelling and threatening are not going to solve anything. 18. I don’t choose to have this conversation. 19. No (calmly) and walk away. 20. Ok. Have a nice day. And DO not internalize their toxic, untrue comments. Know who you are, stand your ground and walk away. 💞💥🌸
They will stew in their juices and save your punishment for another time. You cannot win with these creatures. The best engagement is no engagement. As soon as I see the signs of the spoiled brat coming out I just walk away. One day I will walk away for good.
Use this comeback and watch a narcissist explode! I no longer place a value on your opinion of me, all I hear is blah blah chirp chirp! Then get ready to run!
"I have studied malignant narcissists in great detail, now every micron and nano speck of you and your types are in the textbooks for all to plainly see so you'll never gig me like a frog again, I know how you think how you feel and how you'll react so dont try it. And this is the end of us forget you ever knew my name"....works pretty good for me.
"I can completely and totally accept how you feel." "Its unfortunate that you feel that way" "I'm not gonna argue with you. If you want to have this discussion you're going to have to have it with someone else. I'm not engaging with this with you. "You are entitled to your opinion"
Its never too late. I went my entire life with a narcissist mother thinking I was broken. Now 50 years later, its like a breath of fresh air and a huge weight lifted. Now I see her
I was known to say to my ex, after he went off on a rant for several minutes, "Do ya wanna be an asshole? That's fine, go ahead, you don't need my help - you're doing such a great job of it all on your own."
Love this so much Jill 🙏🌸🌸🌷🌷💕💕 Another phrase I like to use (when a covert tries to shame my “mistakes” or life choices while revealing nothing about their own: “Hey, at least I’VE lived!” 👑
My favorite quote to Narcs has been “Ummm, your opinion of me is really None of my Business” and another one is “You do realize Feelings are Not Facts, Right”?… LOL😂
They want a reaction, don’t give it to them. Respond with the least amount of words and as neutral as possible. Respond but don’t react. Be boring. Never wrestle with a pig, you’ll only end up covered in dirt and the pig will love it.
Thank you - very helpful and good for people who have to continue contact with the narc. Had read on Reddit, one person said to the narc, 'You hate yourself.' They never heard another word. I told the guy I was dealing with that he comes off as fraud and a con (was being nice bc he is those and more). Thankfully, never heard back from him either. Letting them know you see right through them and the illusion is their delusion, seems to work well. It's 'game over'.
The best phrase I've used on my ex and narrcistic son when they are looking for an argument p...."" yeah..your right..thanks for pointing that out to me. "....shuts them down...
I just gave "no response" because I didn't know what to say but I knew she was trying to start an argument. When she told me she was Jealous of me, I knew I was in trouble. Best Friends don't get jealous, they're happy for their friends success. Thats how I feel anyway. After finally divorcing a Narc.. I started dating a mutual friend whom she considers a brother. Thats when her true colors came out.. I didnt respond to her rage. The mutual friend and I, found true love at 60. I had to learn and grow, and let go... Thank you for all your help🌻❤
The narc in my life is my future Mother in law, and her enabler, Father in law. My fiance is on my side, but we cannot cut them out of our lives entirely. We see them often at family events. I'm finding this channel so so useful. Thank you.
Happy 1st Sunday Lady J ☺😁 Narcs are pitiful once you realize how reaction seeking they are. Ignoring them/not responding back to them angers them...just like children 🙄😆
Funny thing is the Narc would try to use these phrases on me. The day I confronted his behavior he told me your moods are not my problem. I am only responsible for my moods. I strongly have the feeling he has either been in therapy or have looked into the topic. He was constantly In the defense mood, but whenever I tried to bring up his behavior he used these tactics against me.
So I'm not trying to stir anything up but this sounds to me like he may believe you to be the narcissist and was trying to learn how to deal with you. Do you think there may be a problem he has with you that you aren't listening to and he was tired of it??
Thank you for this video. Hmmm... I was thinking of a recent experience that I had with an insecure, but egregiously self-righteous, lecturing and fault-finding narcissist. Using such comebacks just supplied narcissistic fuel and enraged her further, as she was bent on having the last word. The only thing that made her go away forever, was me not responding at all. If you really want to play with their heads, give them nothing to respond to. They will go way and seek out another victim that will give them the fuel that they want.
Mine is " It's your Lie, you can tell it anyway you want to someone else but me " Then if being called a Smartass? I politely say Thank you, Thank you very much, I'd Rather be known as a Smartass, than a Dumbshit any day. When they start the starring your every move say you have to go to the bathroom and just leave without saying anything
Leaving the house is best but often a major inconvenience 'cause we often gotta get dressed in our street clothes, groom ourselves, get our car keys and wallet, set any projects we were working on aside often losing our train of thought or our place, turn off the stove or oven, and so on, before we can leave. All of this takes time. And what if there are (minor) children in the house? That makes things even more complicated. Meanwhile we are vulnerable (the kids, too): the narcissist can keep attacking and provoking us. So, try to anticipate confrontations with your narc so you can be ready to leave in a heartbeat. Be sure to tell them you'll be back in an hour or in 30 minutes so they don't think you are leaving and never coming back -- to try to de-escalate the whole thing. In the end, we have to go no contact ASAP. Once things get so bad that we have to leave our house to survive the abuse, the "manipulationship" is over. Protect yourself and your children during this time.
Jill, thank you for your suggestions in this video. I had an older brother who was hot-tempered and intimidated me when I was young. Then, in midlife, he was convinced he could control, brain-wash and provoke me to react. He did succeed a little, but gotta say, I did use your suggestions to a certain extent successfully. Especially, the suggestion to say, "No, I don't agree and I don't want to discuss it any further"... and then get up and walk out of the room. Another method my brother used was to call me on the phone and discuss his issues-blaming with others for long periods of time. I would say, "I have to go now," but he would not stop speaking. So I repeated to him and he still did not stop -- so I said, "Bye" and hung up. Done!
I frequently use all of those (except the last one) and it's true: he goes nuts, disoriented and agitated, exposing himself as a narcissist experiencing hangover from my lack of engagement. It can be fun at times but more often than not it's exhausting because he'll try all the tactics in his book to get what he wants: reaction.
If it's not right, it's right at it. They might be letting you know if you are working beside one that you have been doing their work and they are talking about you behind your back to them?
every single one of this sentences has been told to me to flip to coin and call me the pathological narcissist one (him being diagnosed a sociopath and me been in therapy for that). Nice advice..it works to disarm anyone indeed. My take on this...if someone tells you any of those sentences, just run. no conversation is happening there.
I have known for quite some time now that my boyfriend of 10 years is a classic narcissist. I have been living with it dealing (not really) hoping I was wrong. The more I read a watch the more I am learning. This morning I used the advice I saw the other day. To keep on saying his name when I was trying to defend myself. Which I know I should walk away but in my defense I’m still learning and it was first thing this morning. It worked. Shut him right down. Haven’t heard a word since. Now I can enjoy my day. Happy Cinco de Mayo
Thank you for providing actual dialogue and response examples to use against narcissists. One of my favorites is "I don't think I have anything further to add to this discussion." Full stop.
My favorite one is once their done putting their 2 cents in about something or a subject- I turn around and say “ I don’t see it that way “ and then just walk away. Boom !
ever since I began watching two and a half men, back in 2003, I learned a lot from Charlie and the maid, Berta! the one phrase I use continually is the one Charlie used the entire 3rd episode of season one. "I understand" ~ and I just smile and thank Charlie! I just nod up and down and with a very sympatric tone in my voice I say "I understand" They go merrily on their way thinking they have "won" and I go merrily along my way Not giving caring one way or the other! It has served me well for about 18 yrs now! Thanks Charlie!
Had to "engage" with the narc yesterday for 14+ hrs. The usual question eventually bubbled up to the surface in conversation "have you heard anything from "x"?" (X is the scapegoat) i just 😑😔 shook my head "no" & didn't elaborate on the matter. The question was rephrased and I just shrugged my shoulders. 😶 IDK 🤷♀️. another one and I said I can't help you with that. Topic dropped and moved on. I politely (and defensively) didn't feed the monster. Grey Rock
If we defend ourselves to a narcissist, then the first thing he/she will do is to trash talk you to everyone. They will never forget that they could not play their games to you. The boundaries that they will experience by you, will make them mad, so they will try to destroy you......Watching like a hawk for you to make a mistake. If in an office, they will find other colleagues to talk bad about you.
I forget what YT channel I saw this on, but the phrase that intrigued me was: "What's your point?" Super easy to remember when the narc starts spouting out random BS. Great content as always on your channel. Thx!
My narc eldest sister and her husband pounded on my bedroom door in a rage. I locked my bedroom door and climbed out the bedroom window walked into the backyard through gate and walked down alley came to the front driveway got into my car and drove away.
The best response is no response. Grey rock with as few words as possible, until you can complete your exit plan. Not “reacting” or attempting to defend oneself confused the now-ex. I blocked the ex and I’ve been no contact for over 4.5 years. Blessed silence and peace!!!
When my ex decided that it'a good opportunity for her to start a fight. I'd say, look, you are either looking for a fight or you want to start one. That's a fight you want to have with you. I'm not going to give you the time to engage with the rage you have with you. The fight you want to start is with the one you'll find in the mirror. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to live my life being happy.
This is wonderful ! I use 1 of them i made up for myself. I was actually so proud to create it cause I always wondered how ppl could be so separate from their baiting. Thank you so very much for this. Its amazing how this "short side stepping" can help a surviver maintain their vibration. Endless peace.
I have found that sometimes though, the narc uses some of these on you as well though when they are trying to avoid taking accountability for what THEY did.
These are great! Some of us are not able to just immediately walk away and go no contact, so being able to arm yourself to disable their MO is great! Thanks for posting ❤
I love asking my soon to be ex, Narcissistic wife to formulate an answerable question. I also use the perception statement, as well as saying that she's confused by my experiences; with her opinions. Everything is contentious with a Narcissist: everything. Just watch their face as they try to assemble the argument...they're usually angry right off the bat.
@@aidasalazar5924 What would you like to know. Mental Disorders are about a false perception; not opinions. Devaluing someone's perception is a form of gaslighting. Perception comes from experience; or the lack of it. Actions will form your perception about something; where words are weapons. Just saying.
The narco usually says I'm not going to argue with you that's the number one tactic they use when we are asking a question about a past, present or future discussion about a topic that concerns you/children and your/their mental well-being. Basically we are trying to get a solution and at the same time respecting their sneaky distorted thoughts and views
When my narc said that,i would say"then dont argue,just answer." When hed say i was too sensitive id say"thats right,im sensitive and u keep forgetting.DONT U FORGET IT." His face was bewildered for a moment.priceless.
Hey, that one about not talking to them for a while, comes with severe, and I mean most severe consequences so I don't know about that one. That one gets put on the shelf for the future and it will be taken out in the victim multiple times.
I always like to say...thats an exceptionally INTERESTING perspective. I just dont share it. - Your getting/being angry tells me there much more going on in this situation than has anything to do with ME. - OH! It's really unfortunate that you're spending SO MUCH energy on this (subject)...it MUST be exhausting!
Great video, Jill. I was wondering if you might do the same video, but, for the workplace. At least with me, my covert/malignant GM controls the office dynamics & will simply call his supply, flying monkeys, or enablers into his closed door office & deploy his shenanigans. I'm his supply, so, I get the deluxe treatment (raged at, humiliated, devalued, & smeared). He's triangulated HR into his flying monkeys, so, if anyone calls to complain, we're usually terminated within a week. Are there comebacks for those who suffer from a narcissistic boss? As much as I would like too say "opinions are like assholes" to him.....that would probably get me terminated.
“Raged at, devalued, humiliated and smeared”. You need to read that over and over to yourself and ask yourself WHY you voluntarily stay where you’re treated like crap. Nothing u say or do around people who are that terrible to you, will make ANY permanent or long term difference. Your only focus should be getting another job (no excuses, there are plenty of opportunities) and to figure out why you think you need to endure that abuse because if you don’t, you’ll end up in that situation again. You need to think more highly of yourself and find somewhere you’re thought of in that way too. Until you find other employment, if anyone says anything nasty, just smile sweetly, say “It must be terrible to be so angry.” And walk away.
Record (discreetly of course) as much as you can, and compile evidence, in case needed later on. It’s a hostile workplace and your boss is discriminating against you. Also work on yourself and your own goals, work toward finding a new job and remain unbothered. Do not react. They are chronically envious of you!
@@RoyalMetal9 how would you know how easy or hard it is for someone to find a job? I know many people who lost their jobs due to covid, disability, etc and are having a hard time finding a new one. Do t make assumptions
@@shebakali6 Many of the people you “know who have lost their jobs” (doesn’t matter the reason) refuse to apply for any new job that’s “beneath” them or pays less than the last one. That’s no assumption, that’s the truth. And a lot of people refuse to move forward, or change their situation because they’re afraid. Well you can’t get to the other side of the pool until you let go of the side your on. So what if it’s difficult. No one’s guaranteed an easy life. My answer to the original comment was basically don’t complain about where u you are if you’re making zero effort You can’t change other people but you can change your situation if you stop whining and have some initiative.
POV/ My experiences: First one right off the bat, i wouldn't have the chance to get even to the half of it, bc they either don't listen anything but their own inside voice while im speaking, or cut in and interrupt whatever im trying to say. Must have worked well on less hardcore narcissist though. Best if you just ignore them, but need VERY strong self control. 💜 2nd phrase: never use the word responsibility in a sentence addressed to a narcissist. That's a heavy trigger word, it's rather a fuel for theim, to level up their sht against you.
