The best way to apologize (according to science)

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Explore what to do- and not to do- in order to deliver an authentic apology and make amends in a variety of situations.
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Over the years, people have come up with some truly awful apologies. From classic non-apologies, to evasive excuses, and flimsy corporate promises, it’s all too easy to give a bad apology. Good apologies generally share certain elements, and considering these factors can help you make amends in a variety of situations. Explore what to do- and not to do- in order to deliver an authentic apology.
Directed by Vitalii Nebelskyi, and action agency.
This video made possible in collaboration with Character Lab
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A special thanks to Karina Schumann who provided information and insights for the development of this video.
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Thank you so much to our patrons for your support! Without you this video would not be possible! Jennifer Heald, Megulo Abebe, isolwi, Kate Sem, Ujjwal Dasu, Angel Alberici, Minh Quan Dinh, Sylvain, Terran Gimpel, Talia Sari, Katie McDowell, Allen, Mahina Knuckles, Charmaine Hanson, Thawsitt, Jezabel, Abdullah Abdulaziz, Xiao Yu, Melissa Suarez, Brian A. Dunn, Francisco Amaya, Daisuke Goto, Matt Switzler, Peng, Tzu-Hsiang, Bethany Connor, Jeremy Shimanek, Mark Byers, Avinash Amarnath, Xuebicoco, Rayo, Po Foon Kwong, Boffin, Jesse Jurman, Scott Markley, Elija Peterson, Ovidiu Mrd, paul g mohney, Steven Razey, Nathan Giusti, Helen Lee, Anthony Benedict, Karthik Balsubramanian, Annastasshia Ames, Amy Lopez, Vinh-Thuy Nguyen, Liz Candee, Ugur Doga Sezgin, Karmi Nguyen, John C. Vesey and Yelena Baykova.

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14 дек 2022

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Комментарии : 1,1 тыс.

@nisargparmar7829 Год назад

A sincere apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything. - Lynn Johnston

@jakewolf079 Год назад

I disagree. NEVER apologize in this day and age, people only seek to punish and your (pointless) apology only furthers their intent to punish. If you made a mistake, be better and move on, never apologize to anymore and certainly never apologize to any group or country.

@lunlunrawr5734 Год назад

@@jakewolf079 who hurt u

@jakewolf079 Год назад

@@lunlunrawr5734 no one, it's just that I've seen too many internet drama (PewDiePie & LoganPaul etc.) as well as the political controversy like how you must apologize to China if you mention Taiwan & HK etc. I say screw it, apologies are dead, only people who surrender apologize, for it is but a meaningless white flag. I stopped saying sorry a few years ago and my life haven't been better. My advice to whoever reads this: Only say thank you, NEVER say sorry, not even when you hit someone with your car, yes I mean it.

@makuru_dd3662 Год назад

@@jakewolf079 what, apologies are super op, humans always want to forgive, even, no, especially the worst people.

@OmnipotentPotato Год назад

It can't repair my mom's broken 100-year-old vase

@harrydaplatypus361 Год назад

A summary, cuz someone might need it: 1. To sincerely apologize, focus on trying to understand their perspectives first instead of making empty promises 2. After you understand, show empathy to that person! Especially if they're hurt terribly 3. Don't just promise but take actions to offer a heartfelt compensation

@Sean-pv1nw Год назад

Ty for summarizing the 5 min video 🙏

@cubicallaboratory2063 Год назад

Something important that should be included might be that the apology should be centered around you, rather than the other person.

@mohdadeeb1829 Год назад

@@cubicallaboratory2063 If a person punishes you for your mistakes, that's okay. But if a person punishes you for trying to correct your mistake, then you don't owe them any apology. This is a long story. There's an online competition and I was subscribed to one of the Judges on RU-vid. I told him that he shouldn't've opted for the judge. But he came at me and said that I should not interfere with his personal life. A natural reply, I would say. A few days later I visited one of his friends channel. It was a text commentary channel, and he made very childish commentaries. So I left a reply calling him 'Childish' . The next day I found out that he blocked me so when I asked him why, he said that I *'Harassed'* his friend and made *'Vile'* comments about me. So I apologised to him, but instead of being a good man of honor, he insulted me back by saying *"More people should block you"* and *"I hope you get terminated"* etc. You be the judge.

@lneo9168 Год назад

I sincerely apologize

@adotheginger Год назад

@@mohdadeeb1829 there are layers to an apology. You can't expect to apologize for one small thing and not be affected by the bigger thing It's why what works in theory doesn't work 100% of times with people

@plat6164 Год назад

The feeling when you're the one apologizing despite being the one hurt.

@Suzzers Год назад

I know this all too well, sadly.

@xeixi3789 Год назад

@lin.3407 Год назад

@@cicolas_nage because the person who wronged you is "hurt" or "mad" so you still have to apologize for making the person feel worse.

@DespOIcito Год назад

@@lin.3407 i mean... you don't? if you're able to recognise you're not the one who needs to apologise then you still don't have to even if the other is trying to manipulate you into doing so

@tanfrederika2123 Год назад

This

@keithauguis2844 Год назад

This is so nice of Ted - Ed To make a video about apologies. A lot of negative events is happening in our life and people don't properly and sincerely apologize to one another. It's such a fruitful advice paired with amazing research and amazing insight!

@user-py9gl7ff9v Год назад

Agree with you, bad things happens the most

@Echo81Rumple83 Год назад

yes, but even then, some people will never forgive, especially when it's for something that happened way in the past before the individual turned 25 (the common age when we, supposedly, have a fully developed brain, not counting certain mental disorders like ADHD and the like). people are never the same as they were seven years ago, not just the literal sense, either. which is why it's better to cancel people who are hellbent in never admitting to their mistakes than a person who didn't know any better back then when they were in high school. ...or someone who said that punching an extremist in the face is not a good idea. it's essentially kicking a wasp's nest or bringing a knife to a gun-fight if you think about it. not to mention that they LOVE to use the victim card in those situations.

@grapeshott Год назад

Inside our families, do we "apologise" verbally? No. Those who are very close to you, will not mind if u apologise or not.

@juanli4153 Год назад

Mhm

@juanli4153 Год назад

@@user-py9gl7ff9v just focus on the lil things there will be tons of good things!

@Alistocrat Год назад

Bro how did I actually get emotionally invested enough into the blue shirt guy and Marie's relationship that I actually felt happy in the end when he showed up to her game.

@bradhuygens Год назад

Me too!

@littlecookie366 2 месяца назад

Yooo Alistocrat! 👋

@DragonplayerDev Год назад

The Marie case was preventable had he just told her his intention beforehand. If she's not heartless, she will, at worst be slightly hurt (but at least she won't have false hope of him being late, or worse, think he had an accident, making her stressed and worried, in turn making her play worse) or at best, encourage him to go, cause she also knows it's his favorite band. Just don't let people be in the dark

@GaudiFanYAY Год назад

I agree that said situation could have been handled better like you say it could. It is just common curtesy. But I am ultimately glad they chose to not go that way and how to address the situation after the damage is done. Too often do I see some "how to apologise" guides talk more about how to prevent a situation rather than what to actually do once the damage is done.

@RobjectionableContent Год назад

@@GaudiFanYAY Yeah, those so-called "how to apologise" guides are like asking "Hey, I'm in a game of Texas Hold 'em, these are my cards, these are the cards on the table, how should I proceed?" and just being told "You should've folded before the river." OK, maybe I should have, but that doesn't help me now.

@BoatSoccerPlayer Год назад

@@GaudiFanYAY I think that's what the "doing better" part should have been. Once the damage was done, and he apologized, he could promise to communicate better. That way, if a similar situation came up in the future, Marie could tell him whether he was okay to bail, or if she truly needed him there, and (being a good friend) he would make a sacrifice if Marie really wanted/needed him there.

@tomisinfashesin5997 Год назад

Just apologize instead of all these attempts at explanation. He made promise to Marie and he broke it. And your apology should come first even if you'll still eventually explain whatever it is that happened

@RamirezGold Год назад

@@GaudiFanYAY But did the video actually adress how to handle the situation after the ? Because at first, the video claims an apology surrounding the emotions of the damaged to be an unwanted and bad solution, but afterwards it's claiming the exact opposite in my eyes, where you should investigate the feelings of the damaged and build an apology around those. On top it advertises in my understanding to lie about own intentions by hiding them and promising to not act like this again, even though that was not true in a similar situation.

@etherealstrawberry9873 Год назад

i think the biggest thing that gets in the way of apologising is pride. "i feel hurt too, why should _i_ be the one to say sorry? why can't they apologise? my actions weren't wrong!" things like that can really hinder an apology. but honestly, i've learnt to squash that pride for just a second, to properly apologise. i only apologise when i step out of line though- if someone behaves badly then i will not be apologising for treating them the same way.

@kuratse205 Год назад

It's not pride; it's ignorance and arrogance. I am a very prideful person, yet when I do make a mistake, I realise it and understand what should be done. This is not because I am humble, but because I understand that a mistake and an apology is not a loss. It is merely something that happens sometimes.

@eightbitfeline1415 Год назад

"i feel hurt too, why should i be the one to say sorry? why can't they apologise? my actions weren't wrong!" that is so me

@cardboardbox191 Год назад

I kind of disagree if you've just returned fire or there coming at you when you've shown due diligence you don't owe an apology

@Lotschi Год назад

How did you do the sloping i ?

@GayKermit-._-. Год назад

@@eightbitfeline1415 "that is so me" that's not something you should be proud of or relate to. It makes you sound like you're an awful person.

@nonamesorry7135 Год назад

Apologies are especially difficult when you've been gaslit (gaslighted?) all your life. So any time you made a genuine mistake it has been blown out of proportions and turned against you in such a cruel disturbing way you never even want to apologise ever again in fear of the other person turning this moment of vulnerablity against you.

@7shinta7 Год назад

Understandable. That's a very important point you make. Understanding the reason why you have to apologize also involves assessing the impact of your actions. If the reaction of the "victim" doesn't match this assessment you also have to take a stand for yourself and draw a line. Otherwise some people will use the situation as a gateway to emotionally blackmail you. The "punishment" must always match the "crime" in a reasonable way.

@lessismore8533 2 месяца назад

@@7shinta7good point

@ubermensch9179 11 месяцев назад

Recent data suggests incorporating a ukulele act in your apology may generate increased sympathy.

@electric_chris 3 месяца назад

This comment genuinely made my day. Thank you, good sir

@watersheep1194 2 месяца назад

what is an ukulele act?

@houski4242564 2 месяца назад

@@watersheep1194 a famous RU-vidr got cancelled last year and they said they weren’t allow to talk about the accusations but they will sing about it and they used a ukulele. That song was deemed the worst apology ever by many people.

@YouKnowImOnMyPeriodYah Месяц назад

@@houski4242564 It wasn’t even an apology, it was a plain response. She literally said in the song she wasn’t going to apologize cause the accusations were made up for “clout”. It was straight up a song of her disrespecting the people she hurt 💀

@brownelllandrum4650 Год назад

If you want to be forgiven, you need to go through the Four Steps to Forgiveness: 1) Apologize sincerely 2) Admit wrongdoing 3) Make amends 4) Never ever do it again

@nickhaley2645 8 месяцев назад

What if it involves gaslighting?

@brownelllandrum4650 8 месяцев назад

@@nickhaley2645 Then they would immediately be found out because they would do it again.

@kartikeygupta8427 Год назад

"Intent does not matter; only consequences" -Kratos of Sparta, a calm and reasonable person.

@oneirologic4462 Год назад

Thank you!

@R41ph3a7b6 Год назад

Agreed.

@R41ph3a7b6 Год назад

@@oneirologic4462 Agreed.

@c0hink176 Год назад

"Don't be sorry, be better"

@Johnny_67 Год назад

@@c0hink176 such a good quote

@wizardoffrobozz 3 месяца назад

i was taught almost 70 yrs ago, a 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆 6 processes: 0) 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 what hurt them! 💔 1) say 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 behavior was wrong. 😮‍💨 2) say 𝘄𝗵𝘆 it was wrong. 😒 3) say what they should expect --this day forward. 🙂 4) 𝗮𝘀𝗸 if this is acceptable. 🤔 5) start acting right. 😇 ... I hope it's clear --securing forgiveness is not any part of the goal. 😻😻😻

@jickhertz4124 Год назад

"Never ruin an apology with an excuse" - Benjamin Franklin. Much needed common sense advice!

@DoBetterAnteUp Год назад

What counts as an excuse? i feel its only fair that when you apologise you at least provide the reason you did something in the first place is providing your reasoning behind your actions a form of an excuse or not?

@jekentmenietje 7 месяцев назад

@@DoBetterAnteUp I know this comes a bit late, but: the excuse and the apology should be separated. First apologize sincerely, then once you've done that you can elaborate (non defensively) on the circumstances once the other person is interested in that. It should never be a 'sorry but' or an '[excuse], sorry'.

@zoenavales7846 Год назад

"There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error." -Dale Carnegie

@oneirologic4462 Год назад

“It wasn’t my intention” is the one I hear most often. At this point, they are not arguing innocence, but have signed a confession and are asking for a plea deal.

@joeeveryman9237 Год назад

0:03 "The ability of a person to atone has always been the most remarkable of human features." -Leon Uris I have always loved ted-ed epigraphs.

@avivastudios2311 Год назад

How is that are most remarkable features? Is it because it rebuilds bonds?

@osheridan Год назад

@@avivastudios2311 I think it's because, for example, if animals fight, they often become enemies. Very few animals can rebuild lost relationships in the same way humans can, so it's kind of a unique trait :P

@klattalexis Год назад

Most forget the last step, "Now what can I do to right the wrong?"

@RobjectionableContent Год назад

I thought that was somewhat covered when the video talked about making concrete offers of repair. The key word there being "concrete". But yes, it is absolutely an important step.

@Unit01-2 7 месяцев назад

Infact Apologizing may seem useless, But a simple apology from a government could save an entire civilization from a world war.

@ae-tm8dg Месяц назад

it's a shame this video isn't more popular because after hurting someone so bad I've realised how special an apology can be and how much of a difference a good one can make. so many people could benefit so much from learning a little about apologies and I genuinely feel better putting effort into an apology despite initially thinking I was the most hurt. it doesn't matter who's hurt the most.

@kevinbuckingham3155 Год назад

Apologies can make or break a friendship. It’s kind of unbelievable. My college roommate did me wrong one time and refused to apologize, even when I asked him too. His character was inexcusable, and we couldn’t ever repair our friendship since then.

@jgio5089 7 месяцев назад

I hope someday you can reconcile again even if it is possible. Still, if you apologise to them even if they accepted it or not that’s more than enough to show that you cared for them.

@vigneshwaran7530 Год назад

I am amazed by the way they breakdown Apology for accidental mistakes, non-accidental mistakes. The centerpiece of Apology and the offer of repair. So much to learn. Thank you for making this video and showing us the way to a sincere apology.

@MMMMatt Год назад

Sincere apologies and sincere forgiveness...it's a critical life skill that many in modern society have sadly forgotten how to do.

@cloudy.matters 10 месяцев назад

After watching this video, i suddenly understood how good I am at apologies.

@juliannakocher3080 Год назад

I am really bad at apologizing, but this REALLY helped me to make the right apology. Can’t wait to see what you Bo next!!!

@melonie_peppers Год назад

Good for you!

@Samantha-vlly Год назад

Same, I'm not that vocal person, but I hope this helps in the future.

@DmmeNicegramTedEd1 Год назад

🎁🎁👆👆👆..

@s-viper1462 2 месяца назад

RU-vidrs absolutely ignoring this video:

@curiosityman1194 8 месяцев назад

I would like to take a moment to appreciate all the animators who work in these videos.

@farihamohamedhilmy4700 9 месяцев назад

What makes a sincere apology: 1. Understanding the person's perspective by having empathy 2. Accept responsibility for your actions 3. Offer a repair (make up for what you have done wrong)

@Ben-uk7bf Год назад

I have saved this video, so the next time I am not happy with someone, I will send them this video

@user-py9gl7ff9v Год назад

4:43 that made me smile miserably like subbing, that tear drop is so thoughtful

@Wombat627 Год назад

I thought it was sweat 🤚💀

@daredemptionn Год назад

ted ed made me care about fictional characters countless times - this one was not an exception

@izanneto Год назад

I almost cried when we were there for Mary at the end of the video. So emotional 😢

@CoreyCat4 11 месяцев назад

And to think Colleen Ballinger could've watched this before uploading her apology video.

@kalakritistudios Год назад

"I am sorry that you feel that way."

@soberman1520 Год назад

okay

@oneirologic4462 Год назад

😄

@cardboardbox191 Год назад

Thats what you say when your are not allowed to tell someone to go do one.

@JellyJam1115 6 месяцев назад

Had a friend that gave an especially abysmal apology and sent them this video as my response

@michaelkochalka3251 Год назад

My favourite part of this video was the background soundtrack. Truly phenomenal.

@Sgt-Gravy Год назад

3 part Apologies or Discipline: "time out" until they can express: 1: What they did & why it's perceived as wrong? 2: How & what they can do to "repay their debt"? 3: What options or actions they can take next time, if they want or need the same things, or end up in a similar situation? Only after these 3 steps are completed; can the offenders apology really mean anything.

@DmmeNicegramTedEd1 Год назад

🎁🎁👆👆👆...

@cubicallaboratory2063 Год назад

Thank you TedEd for sharing this video. I have been going through struggles with friends, and this video helped me realize how terrible my apologies that I've given them were and how I could make them better. For how important those friends were to me personally, this video basically saved my life. Thank you again.

@craigmerkey8518 Год назад

I have had some "uncomfortable" conversations with my family regarding egocentric attitudes! I have learned that a true apology is changed behavior!

@malingpalsu Год назад

I really hate the "I'm sorry you feel this way" apologies. Whenever I get those I feel the urge to just ignore them all together

@albertleinstein5378 Год назад

I’m sorry you feel this way

@philcollinslover56705 Год назад

😂😂

@putinsgaytwin4272 Год назад

I don't understand what's wrong with that apology. Like some people have incompatible boundaries. Would you rather they said they don't care you're upset?

@safeforwork8546 Год назад

Because it completely turns the blame around and just straight up isn't an apology. If an apology is an admission of wrongdoing, "I'm sorry you feel that way" admits no wrong doing and puts the blame on the victim for feeling bad. It's functionally equivalent to "I did nothing wrong, I apologize for nothing."

@natywvela6668 3 месяца назад

@@putinsgaytwin4272 And in this case, it is really hard to find how to "repair" or not "do it" again. Maybe it's like allergies, we have to adapt to not preparing with our favorite ingredient.

@magueysunset 3 месяца назад

I like the workbook called 30 Days to Stop Apologizing by Harper Daniels. It was about mindfulness meditation. We apologize because we believe we're intrinsically at fault.

@qwerty9797 2 месяца назад

So apologizing bad? People are at fault most of the times.

@andaction.agency Год назад

Dear TED-Ed team, thank you for your amazing cooperation on this project! We enjoyed it a loooot ❤❤❤❤

@juanfernandocastroreyna478 Год назад

This is very much needed, in my familiy no one ever apologizes, in fact i've never heard my parents or brothers doing it and i never learnt from them. To this day whenever i slip and feel wrong, guilty and feel sorry over something i just cannot do it. I try to, i completely understand why i should and even feel the absolute need to but even when i do i feel like that is not true, it feels wrong and because of that i dont feel the right to upset important people to me cuz i dont think i ever could honestly apologize to them not even getting they pardon.

@Fritzafella Год назад

Will defidently be using this knowledge in my fiction novel. Being able to write something sincere implies you have atleast an initial grasp of a subject, and puts you on the path to actually accepting that.

@anupamkatiyar9770 Год назад

This video is really beneficial for everyone. Solemnly feeling remorseful for one's wrongdoings and finding ways to compensate for them is the essence of being 'sorry'.

@NandoDevlop Год назад

Not sincerely apologies is what made my past relationship break, it's horrible when someone is asking you for sorry but you know they don't feel sorry, and worse, afterward they do that again.

@hollowedboi5937 Год назад

Very true, even if you do seek and get understanding of how the other person feels, promise and act upon doing better, and apologize for the specific action and how it made them feel, its still likely the person may not forgive you or want you around anymore depending on the mishap or the person´s history. I believe it also important to be empathetic to other people´s feelings, but not to undermine your own. Especially if you have done wrong in the past and see that as a self negligent opportunity to become a doormat for people, saying ¨It´s okay, no worries¨ when you may be hurt by other people´s actions. Generally, practice empathy and honestly, courage to step up to your mistakes and to attempt to understand how others feel. And honestly about your own feelings when you are wronged to help others to understand and potentially build a better connection with others.

@lesserevil8136 Год назад

I suppose I’m afraid that if I don’t apologize even if I’m getting stepped on, and try to be the opposite, I’ll end up going to far and ending up reversing the situation by force and stepping in them instead

@akshatdubey7904 Год назад

The videos are getting extremely nuanced and human as of late. It is a very welcome change.

@andaction.agency Год назад

Thank you for nice comment about video, we enjoyed the creation process a lot ❤

@vinnala-gk8jx9sq7q 10 месяцев назад

It is really important that this video exists because sometimes people do not understand their mistakes. Or, in some cases, they understand, but they do not know how can they fix the situation. Apologies can mean a lot for people, so everyone should know, how to do it right

@user-xu2bf2bs3f 2 месяца назад

I'd imagine it hard for me to learn this due to me not really ever seeing a "bad apology". Really I only think of a bad apology when I can see that the other person is dishonest while apologizing. Such a as the example of "I'm sorry YOU feel this way.". Most of the time when someone comes up with an excuse for they're actions I take it happily, now knowing they're prospective. (Unless someone excuses they're actions excessively.) I understand these are all good traits to have, but not when it comes to learning how to truly apologize. I don't imagine anyone actually cares about this comment, but I find it comforting to put this out there.

@funkydiscogod Год назад

There are many who demand apologies in bad faith.

@CoralEuphoria Год назад

I need to watch this video regularly so I don't forget these important principles. Super video!

@lpc93 Год назад

thank you ted-ed, this video and kratos's apology to freya are my inspiration when i apologized the other day to a close friend whom i had a falling out with and didn't talked to for a few years now, we're talking again, and a lot weight seemed to get off our chests, especially i only hoped but did not expected to actually be forgiven

@dearp.324 Год назад

There's something called "TAWBAH" (Repentance) in Islam. The literal meaning of the Arabic word tawba is "to return" and this is the action points: 1. Regret the sin (you clearly understand your fault. Regret is essential in showing sincerity) 2. Stop the sin (immediately) 3. Make a sincere intention to not go back to the sin (This is a heartfelt decision that you make to truly quit and not go back) 4. Seek forgiveness and repent 5. Follow the sin/bad deed with good deeds . It's pretty much adaptable in general social life too, and the 5th point is show how you really "sorry" about what u did

@maarp4720 Год назад

This is a really good video, everyone should know how to apologize properly and mean it!

@7shinta7 Год назад

I usually don't care about how a person apologizes, as long as they do it somehow. The more important part is the actions afterwards. I hate beeing late and I hate people beeing late. So if a friend always comes late despite knowing that it upsets me, at some point I don't care for the apology anymore. Actions speak louder than words.

@code066funkinbird3 Год назад

Welp they always said actors speaks for themselves

@crafteariee 6 месяцев назад

Thank you so much for this video! It's scary yet I hope that I can learn in my moments of discomfort how to apologize better. Therapy gently opened up my awareness to the tendencies I picked up from my living environment that have not been the ideal resolution to difficult situations where my strategy was mostly avoidant and defensive on survival mode. Life experience's humbling moments however have reminded me firmly however that it's "impact that holds more weight than intent" in taking the steps to own up to my failures with my responsibilities when my actions and words have pained others. Hope to grow more graciously in accepting and actively choosing not to perpetuate the harm I've imposed on those I care for again, one lesson at a time.

@ghadahousen2278 5 месяцев назад

Thank you for this video. A good apology makes you feel better. Understanding and accepting responsibility for your action makes your apology meaningful.

@double124 Год назад

I want to add however, that many many people were raised in unhealthy communicational environments where an apology is pointlessly demanded just because of principle, a proper meaning of apologizing is never taught, and way worse, but far more common, you are taught that apologizing will get you away from punishment and that is presented as the whole point of doing it. Because if you don't, you would get punished by those around you. You can only properly apologize to someone who actually listens and cares that you care.

@RobjectionableContent Год назад

Is this the same environment that teaches that if someone apologises to you, you have to forgive them?

@oneirologic4462 Год назад

A relic of the bad old days. Apologize, or else. Forgive, or else. Otherwise known as “knocking heads together”.

@KhoiruunisaRF Год назад

Thank you very much for bringing up this topic. It's something that really matters in life but is not too much talked about. From what I observed, the most difficult part was "taking the victim's perspective". Not just for me sometimes, but for somebody else. Because sometimes, people have different standards of what is categorized as OK or not OK. Even there's a moment when someone can think like a psychopath who has less empathy about what they did to others, saying "Why do you cry? I was just saying/doing xxxx to you." That someone doesn't want to apologize because they didn't feel they are wrong at all or blame someone else instead. I wonder if there is probably a further explanation for such behaviour. Maybe like how to be more empathetic with someone, for example.

@en2336 Год назад

As my psych professor always said, don't put yourself in their shoes, put yourself in their FEET. You have to see the situation form THEIR understanding of morals, life experiences, cultural expectations, etc.

@stjeep Год назад

@@en2336 but how?

@kuratse205 Год назад

@@stjeep Throw away all your assumptions, beliefs, thoughts, and ego, and *be* them? Not just acting as if you were them, but to mentally become them for a brief period of time, trace back all actions that have occurred in that situation, and feel?

@stjeep Год назад

@@kuratse205 thank you, i will attempt this

@DmmeNicegramTedEd1 Год назад

🎁🎁👆👆👆...

@DhruvRajSharma Год назад

So thankful for this, Ted-Ed! I teach "The True Meaning of Sorry & Thank you" at the Logophilia Public Speaking Programme, & I'm so thrilled to have access to other people who care about this!

@user-xq4ym3gw1p Год назад

Passive aggressively sending this to everyone who ever wronged me

@PinkYelloMonkey 10 месяцев назад

RU-vidrs listen up!

@youlikeanh Год назад

Remember that it also takes the other party to accept the apology...like really accept it and not use it against you. A person like this often doesn't ever apologize to you or work to understand you

@oneirologic4462 Год назад

Accepting an apology is an art unto itself.

@ShockResistor Год назад

Sounds like my mom.

@opulentmanifester957 Год назад

This video gave me peace I’ve always wanted all day with the background noise and the narrative voice actor voice. I clicked on this because I know one day I will surely do something wrong to my friend and I want to make sure that I know exactly how to apologize

@realnaveen Год назад

Sorry can be used as a tool to diffuse a situation whether emotions is attached to it or not.

@bioalkemisti Год назад

Heads up that some abusive people take advantage of this. You giving good apologies that is. And giving a sincere apology might make you feel unsafe if you have spent time with emotionally abusive people, and so giving sincere apologies even in safe environments might feel extra awful.

@DmmeNicegramTedEd1 Год назад

🎁🎁👆👆👆..

@literallieme Год назад

how do i get over this?!? i don’t wanna feel awful and make it worse

@firefancy9928 Год назад

I want to know how to express that I was hurt by something, without hurting the feelings of the other person, or feeling guilty that I feel hurt. What can I do to get started?

@Userm2155 6 дней назад

Generally, I don’t have a fragile ego so I can take responsibility for whatever wrong I did and apologise but I sometimes do overcompensate which might not be good especially if the other person is emotionally abusive and will try to use it against you to get their way. That causes you not to want to apologise to anyone else. You will continually come into contact with all different types of people but I think you have to try to deal with everyone based on their personality and not to let anyone change the inherent good qualities in you.

@genius5625 Год назад

To stop making mistakes is kinda of impossible . But to accept it and apologise for that is least we can do 😇

@genius5625 Год назад

I am sorry for lot of mistakes in comment 😂😂

@ms.pirate Год назад

So, Basically walking on eggshells right? Another mistake will lose you're friendship, and job.

@lll.24601 10 месяцев назад

and this is why no one in this world will EVER, let me say, EVER be perfect. a perfect person is an illusion, and should never exist.

@peaceofmontana1438 4 месяца назад

I've always felt this way but hardly anyone around me ever treated me this way. This is so reassuring that I'm not doing it wrong

@OmnipotentPotato Год назад

I feel like videos like these pop up at just the right time. Same as the last one. Thanks, Ted!

@pendiro Год назад

The best apology starts by addressing the conflict before it occurs. Did you promise your friend to go somewhere while you have once in a life chance to do something else? Call to your friend, and made him/her to understand your situation. If another person can help to your friend, arrange the meetup. Those actions are there to fix the choice you made, while avoiding the "betrayal's" feeling that would have your friend.

@deveshkaria1116 Год назад

I always used empathy and never had to apologize because people empathized back and they saw that the pain my decisions caused were actually worthy of it as I show them why I actually did it. Other times, I dont take much time to admit my fault and straightforward deal with it.

@lukechernesky Месяц назад

I’d like to take this moment, and apologize….. TO ABSOLUTELY NO ONE

@user-py9gl7ff9v Год назад

Thank you I'll use this tips the next time I have to, since I never knew how to apologize properly.

@oneirologic4462 Год назад

I respect such an honest admission.

@AlexPrevost Год назад

tl;dw a good apology consists of 3 parts: 1. Taking the victim’s perspective. 2. Accepting responsibility. 3. Making an offer of repair. Sorry, not sorry ;)

@DmmeNicegramTedEd1 Год назад

🎁🎁👆👆👆...

@giangnguyen-yr1zu 3 месяца назад

Communicate: understand how they feel -> say why u wrong -> promise and repair

@Tai-Lung Год назад

I think I gave a like to almost all the videos of this channel subconsciously, Thanks Ted-ed for teaching/reminding me new things.

@Trees7420 Год назад

A problem I face is that if I promise that I won't do something again or I will commit to change, then I'll end up forgetting and letting the person down again

@breadcomments 9 месяцев назад

A certain ukelele-playing women watching this: 👁👄👁

@aminaaden3469 2 месяца назад

Yup

@derderohnename 2 месяца назад

• 1. Accept responsibility for your wrong actions (don't try to making you feel better, but instead seeking to understand the perspective of the other one) • 2. Offer a replacement or repair (say and mean you'll do it better next time or make them a gift or just ask them if you can do anything to make them feel better)

@maryna.angelpa Год назад

Thank you TED-Ed for this video. People forgot how to say sincere apologies.

@thejillykilly Год назад

Apology is about feeling, and not about saying. There is too much importance on saying these days!

@feynstein1004 Год назад

But how do I know how you feel unless you say something? Or do something? I can't read your mind

@bijanparsa7680 10 месяцев назад

step 1 pull out a ukelele

@feet5662 10 месяцев назад

Relatble

@Snow_Sailor 10 месяцев назад

Step 2 Sing a poorly made song

@bijanparsa7680 10 месяцев назад

@@Snow_Sailor step 3: copyright it

@beachbum4691 9 месяцев назад

The circumstances are always different, in some situations a quick "you're right I'm wrong" works, in the next situation it's impossibly wrong or useless. Nice video, I'm sure there are people who could users to avoid getting themselves into trouble... :)

@Julayla Месяц назад

This helped me whenever I need to make sincere apologies at times. However, I do have to note that not many take this advice to heart sadly which is a shame really.

@alexanderdechaneet4001 Год назад

Liver King needed this vid about a month ago

@theasmrguy185 Год назад

The real thing is that, you know that you made a bad choice and you are going to make this good apology, but the victim doesnt take the apology and ignores. They just wants to blame us for what we have done, and i dont know what to do in this kind of situation

@stuffedanimalwars7692 Год назад

Be better. An apology won’t always be enough. You will have to take more efforts to resolve the issue.

@aliya4688 Год назад

that's when you need to " Take steps " as in the video said

@DragonGoddess18 Год назад

I think this is a video that everyone needs to see at least once Some people genuinely don't know how to properly apologize

@ghadahousen2278 5 месяцев назад

Same here. Some people apologize in words. They don't mean it honestly.

@eng- Год назад

Thank you for this! I understand more why my partner gets mad at me for going straight to the ‘making an offer of repair’ part. They said they appreciate that I correct my actions quickly but wish I acknowledged their feelings better. I didn’t know how to do that but next time I’ll try asking how I made them feel and frame my apology around that.

@cinemartin3530 Год назад

Thank you for very good advice. Now I will know how best to apologize to my girlfriend. I am such a person that sometimes I can't help messing up and upsetting someone, and it can be extremely difficult to really make people stop being disappointed and offended in you, especially if the mistake is not repeated for the first time. I definitely need to work on myself, but thanks to your advice, next time it will probably be much easier for me to establish a relationship with a girl in case of something.😏

@mishaf19 Год назад

Go do better hun, I believe in you!

@echognomecal6742 Год назад

Given the often litigious nature of many societies, I'd like to see a video on how to apologize without opening oneself up to legal jeopardy. As this video says, an apology can go a long way. Sometimes, it's exactly what's needed...& often, it's only right. I know of many circumstance where one party Wishes they could apologize &/or explain something, but holds back out of fear of an overreaction, especially legally.

@natywvela6668 3 месяца назад

Yes, and sometimes, you´re accepting the responsability to fix the situation, in ways which you are not fully responsable, are misinterpreted, don't have all the control, or didn't have the intention.

@echognomecal6742 3 месяца назад

@@natywvela6668 Sadly accurate.

@tanfrederika2123 Год назад

This is right and spotted on!! If you wanted the relationship, you have to fixed it. Saying sorry mean that you wanted the relationship to survive..but without apologizing, you dont want the relationship anymore. Some apologies can be proven by actions.. some just empty words. Nothing wrong with not repairing the relationship. Its your choices. Sometimes i apologies but i dont want to give second chance.

@noahrawlins7487 Год назад

Thank you so much for making this video. It helped me quite a bit.

@tommeng6522 Год назад

As someone who made a lot of bad apologies, THIS is the way. Taking responsibility for your actions and showing good faith are both important for a good apology. Defending your action is simply going to make things worse.

@edu-psi Год назад

As always great video 📸 Trying to gain more knowledge about psychology and spreading it 😇

@andaction.agency Год назад

Thank you for nice comment about animation, we enjoyed the creation process a lot ❤

@CadetRedShirt Год назад

dang that narrator has a very lovely voice! Glad to see there is a video talking about what so many apologies miss

@frankammirati3385 8 месяцев назад

The first step in my opinion is humility .

@lasagnagamer8254 Год назад

I feel like all RU-vidrs and influencers need to watch this

@oneirologic4462 Год назад

They watch but do not see.

@ms.pirate Год назад

I always get confused when people apologize, but still doesn't forgive them. Like in the video said, they apologized and wont do it again, like leafyishere and Jake paul. So far, I didn't see any dead bodies or making fun of kids' videos, since their apologizes. Its so confusing, maybe the problem is that people don't know how to forgive

@CookedMeat Год назад

As an important note: some toxic people doesn't deserve an apology if the problem isn't even your fault. On the other hand, if you're only doing an apology to make yourself better and get away with the guilt, instead of trying to actually address and fix the aftermath of your mistake, then you're the toxic person and ffs don't trick a person into rebuilding trust on you just to be hurt again. Leave them alone.

@DmmeNicegramTedEd1 Год назад

🎁🎁👆👆👆..

@WalleBrown Год назад

This is beautiful and exceedingly helpful. Thank you.

@xxphunguyenxx Год назад

This is a Beautifully communicated explanation of an apology. ❤❤❤❤❤❤

@francegamer Год назад

I think a critical point is that if you don't *feel* sorry yet or are still "in" the situation you should not apologize. The situation must be over and your feelings must feel clear before you can give a real solid apology.

@mustashfan1o198 Год назад

what if I never feel sorry?

@RobjectionableContent Год назад

@@mustashfan1o198 Then I think the best thing for both you and the other person would be to just go your separate ways.

@neostar7206 Год назад

@@RobjectionableContent Fair point. The need for an apology implies that something of value was lost or damaged, and fundamentally that thing is a person and your relationship to them. If neither of those are valuable enough to repair or even to feel sorry for their loss, then there is no healthy reason to continue the relationship