The CIA’s Manual on How to be Annoying 

"quick, the warehouse is on fire, grab the buckets!" "I think we should refer this to the committee for supervision of the use of vessels containing extinguishing fluids, unfortunately their next meeting is the third Friday of August at 11:30am."

You just gave me an idea for the next Monty python movie... Too bad no one will make it.

Next season of American dad, they have to use this.

@@EsotericBibleSecrets It's already established that Steven is afraid of moths because they will "get their dust on him." So the advice about releasing moths in a movie theater will definitely work on him.

@@NiftyKnot -The buckets are all substandard quality, possibly leaky.

Time to do a little of government approved trolling

Send ATGMs to Ukraine Advanced Trolling Government Manuals

@@Attaxalotl no match to russian trolls

@@insertobject4002 We cannot allow a trolling gap. I suggest taking advice from younger siblings everywhere; mine in particular.

@@Attaxalotl For real. Forget the missile gap or the fighter gap, we need to step up our trolling game

Sabateur need not be grand. Just be a troll.

Now that's some master level trolling right there

Amazing

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french W

One of my elementary teachers who tried diagnosing me bipolar used to say that. I guess I understand what she was trying to do now

miximum confusion

Miximum annoyance.

I would indeed be annoyed if someone burnt down my house

Lets test that theory!

More than a slight inconvenience

"Oh dang it, Kevin burned down HQ... again"

I once did spell checker work for someone I didn't like. I replaced every "I'll see you tomorrow with I'll see your tumor raw."

And I put a space in every word that was TheRapist.

It is very pretty, yes.

If you’re doing a mailshoot, make every prefix the same in your database (eg, “Rabbi”), or change every Mr. to a Ms.

It's also good at causing problems when you mix up your miximum and miximum tolerances, voltages, etc.

To that hostile authority, it would be considered annoying.

Ugh Jimmy, I can't believe you committed arson again! How annoying!

yep looks like the gop playbook for the past 40 years.

Which is as a matter of fact a question of survival for oppressed people. Getting caught or even just being sufficiently suspected of active sabotage is a pretty safe way to get shot or worse. Keep in mind that opressing states do not tend to honor things like rule of law in the first place so they may end up shooting you anyway even if you are in fact unguilty. But if you play "stupid", you bring up an interesting dilemma for the oppressor: He can - control your every move - very inefficient and inconclusive because when under direct supervision, you will work reasonable well - randomly shot unguilty people - causes a lot of terror and thus will embolden the resistance. This will also lead to most people only doing precisely the things that they are told which is horrible for work efficiency. This is very hard to fight successfuly and one of the reasons why propaganda tries as hard as it can to gain at least some support of the local population.

In real life, this - notwithstanding the seemingly accidental arson in the toilet - is something you will encounter in any country's bureacracy at any time, without a CIA-operative ever being involved. Arguably, putting the natural tendencies of new employees without any CIA-training on how to be annoying into a systematic manual like this probably would make the targeted societies more efficient, since people are now strategically thinking about doing these things consciously, rather than just doing it without any thought at all. So the most likely explanation for why that manual even existed, specially because it is sort of publicised, and that as he points out in the video, you would have all kinds of efficiency issues happening once a country is occupied all by itself somehow anyway - this is a way to bureacratically take credit in the US for these occupations going sideways in Europe. Since this is oddly current in a sense, it bears to be mentioned that a lot of these procedures - that could just as well have been made by listening to frat-boys coming into office on any random day and typing it all down - were forwarded to the anti-communism effort in the various Soviet sattelites, and combined with a general hyping of the many Soviet bureacratic failures. I thought a certain person with certain political connections in the US was making a joke - this happened in the late 90s - but the guy was actually taking credit for the abysmal state of various bureacracies in east-block countries as a sign of democracy about to take hold. So there you go: people are not lazy, stupid and inefficient, exploiting every loophole to avoid doing their job, and taking money under the table to abuse the system in place for their own benefit and that of their close circle. Oh, no. No, no, my naive child - they are thirsting for democracy!

While this lowers Moral it might actually be better to promote people who are really good at their job to management positions so the executive jobs are only done by people who are bad at that job

@@lassehoffmann625 Apparently you think skill at the basic job is inversely correlated with leadership ability, while OP thinks that skill at the basic job is positively correlated with leadership ability. I'm not sure which of you is right, but I just wanted to point out that differing assumption.

@@Tzizenorec technical skill doesn't equate to leadership skill, but idiots will forever be idiots.

@@Tzizenorec If you assume that skill at the basic job is independent of leadership ability, it would make sense to move people who are particularly good at their jobs into other jobs which they might be either good or bad at just so they aren't doing the job they are particularly good at.

@@quantumshark_5350 On the other hand, there isn't much an excellent worker can do when being led by a real imbecile.

SILENCE!

Bricks!

It's why I haven't purchased story blocks yet. I'm being stupid in order to facilitate the downfall of modern society

@@lordfluff2394 that's gonna take a lot of stupid considering the already overwhelming amount the world has rn

This requires further study. Let's assemble a committee to investigate further.

The specified number is what gets me :D

It's genius. They're going to think there's a moth infestation, who would guess that someone had moths under their jacket

Prove that Moth Man is a WW2 veteran

30-50 feral hogs energy

my life goal

I really like these except number 5 is actually a WAR CRIME or it should be. Anyway in this context it sure as hell wouldn't have been the Germans cleaning it up

#5 reminds me of that time the whole company I worked at was made redundant. Someone took a dump in the shower. Management called everyone into a meeting the next day and absolutely lost their shit. Everyone smiled.

It’s not the CIA without a few crimes against humanity

@@brandondegraaf im pretty sure they gained more shit lol

Didn’t know my middle school was following government approved trolling guidelines

Lmao omg yeah

And they didn't even do it properly. Dialling the number without the last digit and then putting the receiver down beside the phone would have been more effective. If multiple people do that, they can block all connections to a block of numbers without them even noticing.

@@HenryLoenwind Elaborate? How come that works?

@@HenryLoenwind Awesome, thanks for the really clear explanation. Is there any way they guarded against that though? Surely people could easily use that to prank / annoy others and not even be found out?

@@HenryLoenwind That would be more effective, but it is also very noticeable and the authorities would be quick to punish civilians for doing this.

I think they studied me, hi, I'm annoying!

It's because it's easy to see the CIA as a bunch of blank expression people with no personality doing things mechanically with uber efficiency , but deep down we know the organization is ran by real humans with a sense of humor as well.

@@enjakuro7048 hello annoying. I am dad

@@neothechosenone1502 That's what the lizard men want you to think!

@@lyxivia I know you're joking, but the truth is we like to see the horrors of society caused by men in black suits that are completely different from us and whom have lost their humanity. We like to believe "one day in the future, the common man will replace these cold hearted amphibians and the world will be a better place". All the suffering in the world will be gone when good people get in power Well that day will never come. The cold hard truth is that some of the worst parts of history have been done with good intentions. It may be hard to believe, but a lot of the people at the CIA genuinely thought they were always doing the greater good. People don't wake up in the morning and think they're evil. Everyone thinks they're heroes.

spies like us

I missed my calling.

The worst insult is "You are the most famous spy in the world"

There was a soviet spy who claimed that he was a soviet spy and no one believed him.

@@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933 The names Bond, James Bond.

As this whole video’s bound to be ones😂

well america's already had its fair share of derranged internetman related killings this year and then many much more so I hope not.

Would make a good movie plot, honestly.

Chances are, the soldiers would point a gun at you and make you clean the detritus. But at least you aren't doing anything productive for them.

Also, promise strudel but never bring the strudel

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Chewing gum is ideal because you won't gain as much weight, you can hide in just about every horrible location and it's hell to clean up :D

😂😂😂

POW: a slave but givena different name, so liberals can pretend they don't condone of slavery.

Lmao

"Shoot that man." "Sir, he's retarded. That would be mean." "Damn okay. Have him go clean up the top secret safe and organize everything in it by date, alphabet, and subject."

What was his name?

@@LightPink Doug Hegdahl - he pretended to be stupid and illiterate. Even when they tried to teach him how to read, he pretended to be too dumb to learn. They let him basically roam freely since he was no threat. So, he used that freedom to memorize the personal info of hundreds of other POWs, memorized the route to the prison, and disabled 5 trucks in the camp.

So many flashbacks when it got to the “have a conference when more critical work needs to be done.”

> Managers and Supervisors: To lower morale and production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions. Discriminate against efficient workers; complain unjustly about their work.

I hate it when my manager releases dozens of large moths into the office and then burns the building down.

The OSS “Simple Sabotage Field Manual” from WWII was declassified and I swear the section on Organizations was entirely implemented into the German company I work for and persists to this day to make everything needlessly complicated.

Committees for everything and no less than 5 people in them are commandments from the middle management bible.

Tear gas doesn't sound like "small sabotage"...

@@malcomchase9777 well, the alternative was shooting some VIP Nazi .

@@malcomchase9777 well. It even backfired that people just went to cinema to experience being tear gased :v

@@malcomchase9777 I imagine "big sabotage" involved more ambuitious stuff like destruction of infrastructure. Dams, canals, railways, power stations, ports, that kind of thing. There was World War 2 on at the time, y'know.

@@RAFMnBgaming What I'm trying to say is that broken tools are "small", easy to conceal, sabotage. Even graffiti is still normal, isn't it? An all-out tear gas attack doesn't have the low profile nor deniability that the other examples of "small" sabotage have.

And four dozen might be a bit excessive.

Well it is a matter of fact that all managers are secretly CIA agents in disguise, so that's why.

I know right? Like...all of the us employees are forced to read this.

That's why my office keeps burning down...!

@@Klayperson shouldn't have worked in a building.

Yes, I can confirm I release 2-3 dozen moths in office buildings

They brought in some “local experts” from the nearest colleges and told them to get creative

"Bob, how many ways can you think of getting away with arson" "Well Jim, my father was an arsonist, so get used to writing the word fire"

@J - Sabre clever

Given this was during the War Years, the thought should be Serious Men doing this Seriously to Change The Course Of The Entire War. Which is funnier? You decide. Me? It's the second. "Everyone must do everything they can! Gather moths to hurt the Nazi Threat!"

More like they were talking about the few office douchebags they hated in the CIA. Basically "be like Bob from accounting - if the enemy had more like him, they'd self-destruct."

Well.

Cute story, but the milk would curdle instantly and would taste awful. This doesn't make sense the SS would just not notice that.

Nice

@@nailslacquer listen dude im just relating the story here. also when was the last time you pissed in a 25 gallon jug of milk to see if it curdled

@@Ith4qua 25 gallons of milk? I'm not aware of a 25 gallon milk jug that's not commercial.

That old CIA's no match for the king!

There's a lot of guys in the kitchen who's only experience is the CIA. They'll tell you all about it, too. CIA this, CIA that. Like, look: we're all very glad you got into the Culinary Institute of America, but this is the real world, and we have Nazis to irritate, okay? Order up!

@@scintillam_dei i like the reference lol

███████╗ ██╔════╝ █████╗░░ ██╔══╝░░ ███████╗ ╚══════╝

At least you finally know what's for dinner.

Well, what else are you supposed to do when they take your stapler?

@@CubicApocalypse128 and the ratio of people to cake is too high.

Professional spy saboteurs: take all the toilet paper, win the war Everyone in 2020: take all the toilet paper, have no toilet paper

Every prisoner Ever knows this, and many have implemented it.

What a terrible idea lol

Already a tried and proven union tactic. The term for it is a "work slowdown."

Except aren't half these tactics just things corporations already do?

But there r fire codes now

Barely sociable has one about CIA cafeteria complaints. Shit is gold.

Same

Just read the manual of "how to overthrow a perfectly functional government, elected democratically that just so happens to not be so in line with the current US global plans" This book was only released in poor or developing countries tho

@@alexgiangreco3754 Lmao thx for the recommendation

How many CIA documents do u know of lol

Is thy profile picture the XB-70?

@@dannypipewrench533 indeed

@@xb70valkyriech Very nice. I became aware of the XB-70 after I purchased the "Nuclear War" card game from the gift shop of the Titan II museum south of Tucson, Arizona. I did some research, and I have found that it is a very interesting aircraft.

@@dannypipewrench533 if you ever get a chance, go see the real thing at the Air Force museum in Dayton Ohio, very epic

@@xb70valkyriech I might just have to, if I ever end up in Ohio. Which is fairly likely, as my family goes to Wisconsin and Illinois every few years, and I want to explore the surrounding areas. The Great Lakes region is wonderful.

America in 2022: Pathetic

@@cllncl "Schindler and I are like peas in a pod! We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, damn it!"

They still do that today don't they

@@shadowfan982 Someone forgot to reset the fill line.

@@cllncl Huh?

So that's what other engineers are doing, I just thought they had no idea what they were doing and we're just over building everything for fun

What a waste...

As a machinist and fabricator, I solute your dad. Malicious compliance done deviously right. May his chip load be fair, feed rates constant, pilot holes square, and taps unbroken.

The funny part is that someone who didn't know much about machining might commend him for building it so well.

This comment annoys me

I’m all mixed up now! Did you mean maximum or minimum?

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! my nazi agenda! it's in tatters! time to lose ww2!

Definitely mean maximum giving the context. YOU HAVE BEEN EXPOSED!

@@johnnylego807 You have a miximal brain possible.

I bet you eat your Swedish meatball with a knife just to be more annoying

… Weird thing to _brag_ about.

Same

@share23Jc nah if your annoying Ur just annoying nobody else is gonna like them

*hamster

The DMV doesnt have a manual, I think they naturally just attract annoying people to work there lmao

Is the American DMV really that bad, as is portrayed everywhere?

@@Darwinek It used to be pretty bad, the stereotypes and jokes were quite accurate. I don't know much about how other states are doing but here in Florida they've gotten pretty good in the past 5-10 years

@@Darwinek If you have been to any country's equivalent of the DMV - its always bad. Its usually the backlogs and the complicated and tedious procedures to get anything done in related to the DMV that damages its reputation. Still its fun to poke fun at ineffective bureaucracy and the DMV epitomizes that.

@@mosesracal6758 "DMV" in my country used to be pretty bad. Now it's quite okay actually. Last time I've been there I was done in 5-10 minutes.

"Whenever possible" i.e. "try not to be there during the fire, but if you are, that's fine too"

The crucial piece of advice is that the fire should start, or be first observed, after you have left. It was a manual how to disrupt huge companies with worktime clocks and punch cards, and a huge office/factory park, so it makes sense to include advice for the less able saboteurs who could think that returning directly to their station right after starting a non-fused fire is not going to be noticed.

Cool guys don't look at explosions.

I love the idea of punching row after row of holes in every card, just for the hell of it.

Make sure every employee time travels to and from work. Lol

E pluribus unum.

haha, making those who want to liberate their country work much harder. very funny

@@ChangedNames You assume he viewed them as liberators and not as multiple sets of occupiers bickering over who would control his country. If he had even half a brain he'd know they're the latter and not the former. Just because it makes good sense for you and I to sympathize with the allies it doesn't make them the unquestionably good guys. They were at best the lesser evil and in many parts of the colonized world the difference between the two was much less substantial than in the European theatre.

@@ChangedNames "making those who want to liberate their country work much harder" * continue to occupy their country decades later *

@@someguy4512 The French left in 1946, so not decades. Colonialism should be resisted, but Nazis are worse.

​@@questionmaker5666 "Colonialism should be resisted, but Nazis are worse." yeah sure Nazis are way worst for killing Europeans! not as if the British were responsible for famines and countless deaths of Indians and Bangladeshies during the war and thats by importing food and resources from their own colonies, and thats not even counting what India east company did in the past. also the Belgians in Congo especially under Leopold II, the French in Algeria after WW2 and in IndoChina among other colonies. and also I find it weird how there is pro Axis troops and got non white soldiers among the Wehrmacht, u got Iraqis and other arabs, Tartars, Cossacks, Azerbaijanis, Armenians, Indians, Turkestani, Uzbek and so on which is ironic.

why were you paying attention to that

@@trippie9312 to be annoying

That's probably not a stock footage

Half As Interesting -not to be confused with Wendover Productions- explicitly stated that Americans mastered the art of being annoying before the CIA did. If you are not American then you have ascended beyond the CIA and will be thoroughly welcomed in states such as Florida.

@@dex6316 *Minnesota

What would that do?

​@@darkithnamgedrf9495 It's probably for traffic lights for trains to make them go when they shouldn't and stop when they should go.

@@darkithnamgedrf9495 Red lights look green Green lights look red Enough said

@@musicexams5258 But don't do it to every traffic light, otherwise you'd simply reverse who goes first and last.

@@questionmaker5666 Half of all traffic lights should work, then everyone has green at the same time, right?

Did you just imply you were a nazi?

This sounds like the idea of "malicious compliance"

I hate to admit it, but this sounds like me.

And then make sure to go to every other employee and crosscheck every answer, being sure to get a component or two wrong so you have to backtrack a few times.

If ive explained something to you in detail multiple times and you still ask me how to do it. i will brain you

laying flat is more of a counter movement to increased competition resulting in harder work for less pay. Not wanting to work 20 hours a day to barely survive does not make you a CIA asset wishing to destabilize the leadership. I'd say that fighting against unfair things actually makes you more patriotic than someone who doesn't.

@@real_dddf You seem to have misunderstood. I'm saying the CIA is emulating a natural phenomena that happens when people give up on their society.

In china the buildings are already built as bad as possible. There is little room for sabotage when everything is already bad.

@@EsotericBibleSecrets Those construction policies are the result of a government which does not care for its people. There is no need for active sabotage in China because the CCP sabotages itself.

@@EsotericBibleSecrets and maybe people following these suggestions is the reason for that...

"this is the best time to invest in crypto!" XD

🤣🤣🤣 Excellent comment!

Blockchain don't lie bro

The only ones making money off of NFTs are the ones making them. I am going to try this.

@@dannypipewrench533 its a piramid scheme, truly

Yeah, the goal is to act dumb so nobody thinks you're sabotaging them.

@genericname2747 Yes then no one will kno you are actually dumb

having read "how to win friends and influence people", I'm not sure what difference it'd make. You're gaslighting people eitherway.

Nah, see-- it'd actually work towards that end.

The rest of us americans had to learn this stuff through experience.

*Nobody wants to be annoying or enjoys or dedicates their life to being annoying. That shit is stupid.*

I would go so far as to say at least Three Quarters as Iinteresting.

I have been on a plane at least 10 times on 3 airlines in the poorest section. I have never had this issue.

Having read the thing, you had to apply some degree of common sense and knowledge of your 'audience.' Of course, doing some of those things to, say, Rommel, or Paulus would not be such a good idea, but others would be perfectly justifiable and plausible even to top ranking officials. Screwing with a random collaborationist or some minor official or occupier national would probably maximum net you a slap on the wrist and a 'don't do this again.'

I mean yea, don't get caught with the fire stuff. But most of the book is genuinely stuff that isn't uncommon for normal people to do. Nazis were brutal, but even they needed normal people to make society work. Can't kill everyone that's bad at their job.

If you aren't considered an "inferior race" to the Nazi regime you could get away with pretty much everything besides arson.

you mean the CIA document, right? it is called "Simple sabotage field manual"

You're welcome :P

Or maybe don't let yourselves be invaded again.

We all know you asked the French but they refused to talk to you

Well, ye are all welcome, and we will gladly update it for you when World War III starts.

Lol, when I was in Europe, all it took to annoy you people was to speak English.

I tipped once, and it offended someone from France because they don't tip.. apparently.

@@scintillam_dei The French in general are pretty hostile to outside influences on their culture. The French government back in the 80's even invested in France-based video game companies just so head off America and Japan exerting too much influence over youth entertainment.

That makes sense because that varies wildly. In civilized countries waiters get paid at least minimum wage so it isn't expected that you tip like in America, and in some countries it's even insulting to tip at all. And we can recognize American tourists from the way they tip, which may not be very helpful for doing spy stuff.

After covid definitely more than minimum here.

@@scintillam_dei it’s seen as looking down on someone or treating them as “peasants” implying they need your spare change to make a living, which kinda makes the fact that tipping is considered essential in the us even worse

Try to come up with the weirdest combination of items when shopping. Match speed with a driver in lane next to you and keep on driving like that for miles. Talk as loudly as possible about any embarrassing or awkward topic you can think of in public, or loudly swear mid-sentence every few sentences.

I'm pretty sure a few workplaces would be improved from settings the place on fire

What is the exact opposite of bringing moths to a cinema tho? The true question to cure the human condition.

The entire "management" section of this is just a mediocre "guide to be a better boss", but with a NOT added in every paragraph :D

@@Karl_der_Genosse taking months out of a Cinema.

Moths autocorrected to months lol.

"Defiantly annoying" Your misuse of the word "defiantly" is also annoying.

@@nathangamble125 He defiantly created the miximum amount of annoyance with that comment.

Are you sure it wasn’t Hagrid?

Self-burn

They’re not. They have the NSA for that.

@@beatfromjetsetradio8239 Nope, not even the NSA. It's your phone that does the spying. Think about hard hard it was 40 years ago for an organization to have eyes and ears on you 24 hours a day. Now they just use your phone. Easy.

They aren't. They're just annoying you.

Its declassified and thus easily available for download from the government.

You can find it online as a PDF, I have a copy of it on my computer

How else are Murkans gonna get their exercise?

I myself find it amusing how it lists dozens of different ways to start fires

Yes, math.

@@dannypipewrench533 and math.

@@tonechild5929 Indeed, and also math.