Well if it was stuff like “how do nappies work” then it won’t be “disgustingly bad dads” since those things can be taught and it is fairly normal to not be an expert with things like that if you’ve just became a parent and haven’t changed anyone’s nappy before. Disgustingly bad is stuff like the latter example you just gave.
@@Tom-iv3nd In my opinion you're not doing your job as a parent, if you've never had a diaper in your hand before the baby's there - and that goes for both dad AND mom... BUT you're absolutely right, I would never call someone "disgustingly bad" for that reason... The point of my comment was simply that the stories was much worse than I expected :)
@@808atlas5 ok well how is everyone going to make sure that they’ve changed at least one nappy before the baby comes? I haven’t done any babysitting and if I just randomly go up to people and say “hi, can I change your babies nappy” they’re gonna think I’m weird.
@@808atlas5 ok sorry if this is your second time receiving this comment but I don’t think the first one went through. How are we supposed to make sure we change at least one nappy before the baby comes? I haven’t babysat anyone before and if I go up to people randomly and ask “can I change your baby’s nappy” they’re gonna think I’m weird.
my dad broke his leg while my mom was pregnant with us (twins) so he couldn't help her at all and because he was disabled with a prosthetic leg he had to be hospitalized. My mom's mother did not come to visit my mom not her three sisters, not my dad's family. She ended up having a C-section and the only people that came to that were my aunt (on my mom's side) and my nana (my mom's mother). During that c-section, my dad demanded a wheelchair and he pushed himself all the way over to the room to be able to see us even when the doctors told him that he couldn't leave his room( his younger brother came and helped him out ). He was not always the best father and was not always around but he tried his best with what time he had left.
When I had my youngest the dad just sat in a corner sleeping, which, honestly, was better. The thing that filled me with rage was the next morning when he brought my 5 year old son in to meet his sister, my son was having a full on asthma attack and no one noticed. I called the nurse and told them that I needed them to release me from the hospital so I could take care of my kids. They ended up bringing my son down to the emergency room and got my paperwork ready. I ended up spending less than 24 hours in the hospital because I couldn't trust my family to take care of my son.
My dad - a civilian - impersonated an Army officer to make sure he didn't miss my birth. Mom was an Army officer herself, and Dad was bringing her in already pretty far along in labor, so she was rushed to the room while Dad stayed at the front desk to handle the sign-in paperwork. The hospital was under construction so the labor and delivery rooms had been moved recently, and the front desk gave my dad directions to the old place instead of the new. After two more sets of bad directions, he finally stopped a nurse carrying some specimens. "Sergeant. You WILL take me to labor room C!"" "But I have to..." "Excuse me, sergeant? You have to what?" "Take you to labor room C, SIR!" As soon as he got there, Mom was pushing and I was out within minutes of his arrival, so he doesn't feel the least bit bad about it, either. Just hopes those samples weren't extremely time-sensitive. :D
Your father acted assertively and addressed the person by rank, if they assumed he was an officer that's on them. Definitely does not rise to the criminal standard for "impersonating an officer". HUA!
This is just a super sweet and wholesomely funny story 😊 I love it! ❤️ (Stolen Valor is DEFINITELY a thing - but your Dad most definitely does NOT fall into that category!)
I got myself sterilized. The other week I saw a 3-4 yr old boy run from my bf's apartment building into the parking lot while I was going to my car. Dad called kid's name, then WENT BACK INSIDE to tell mom kid had gotten loose. I stood by my car keeping an eye on kid until mom could JUMP THE DECK RAILING to get kid back who had gotten a hundred feet or so from the doors. I don't even want kids and I was more concerned about that little boy than Dad was. I know it was Dad because kid called out to him when Dad didn't follow him out.
I wanted to get sterilized for a long time, cause I also don't want kids. But a couple of years ago I was taking a walk in the woods (not deeply, just mostly following a path through a patch of the woods, not far from the street and a hotel) and suddenly saw a small child, barely old enough to reply with single word answers. That kid was alone, no one else around and I thought: s*** what can I do? I had no cellphone service to call the police, so I tried talking to them. Luckily they were not trusting a total stranger like me right from the start. Which meant it took some time talking with them, to figure out which way they came from. Took another 10 minutes until I convinced the child that we would walk back together and find their parents. When we finally reached the parking lot of the hotel, the child started running towards their parents and they turned around and... didn't move. It was if they hadn't noticed or cared, that they child had been missing for at least 15-20 minutes and was lost in the woods! I don't know what could have happened if I hadn't stumbled over them, or if it was someone else not so friendly...
I think a lot of women who don't have kids and never want any have a story like this. For all that gender is a social construct, it's startling that dads are this careless and clueless, while random adult women who are usually strangers to the kids in question tend to leap into action to protect a child or return them to their mother in the face of danger and no one else reacting.
My husband and I are childfree. One day we were at an event by a pool. A little girl fell in the pool and was drowning and my husband, who doesn't want kids and doesn't know how to swim, was the first person to notice and the only one who dived in to get the girl out while her mom just stood there screaming. The dad never noticed anything had happened and I almost had to dive in to save my husband from drowning as he held up the child and tried to get her to the edge of the pool while everyone else just stared. 😑
My husband has vasovagal syncope, which basically means he faints at the sight of blood. While he didn't technically watch what was happening when we had our kids, he was there for me the entire time. He was so obviously struggling but stayed by my side the entire time. He did faint for the first birth, but that's because a nurse asked him to cut the cord without knowing about his blood issue, and he didn't realise blood would be involved. He also stayed for my entire recovery, and I didn't have to lift a finger until he went back to work. I think if he had responded like any of these boys, we'd be divorced. I'd be on the phone to a divorce lawyer before I even left the hospital
My friend's wife recently had a baby, and he did a new dad boot camp for a few months before the baby came and he said it was so valuable. Not only did it teach him nuts-and-bolts stuff about babies but also about some of the double-standards and parenting challenges for men specifically. Every expectant new parent should do something like that.
But that is what new parents go through tho. Not a boot camp, but a course through out the pregnancy. And they do not let you out from the hospital before the parents show the nurses the basic baby maintanence skills.
Reminds me of the German kids show with the elephant where they say and show what happens at a home birth (in terms/images aimed at preschoolers). The midwife had a boot camp for "older" (i.e. walking and talking but below 10) siblings which included how to care for a baby and what the steps of a birth are. It also taught the kids things like how to hold a baby, feed a bottle or change a diaper. No one is expecting the kids to be experts in any of this; it's more that some questions are best answered before labor sets in, and some skills are best acquired before mom and dad get too exhausted to stop their little helper from improvising.
My husband signed up for the dad class too but it got pushed back and i had to have an emergency induction, so the class ended up being the day we were discharged from the hospital. He was going to stay home with me, but i made him go i had my mom and dad there to help me settle in and i knew he would benefit from the class. The instructor took one look at him and said something like baby came early didn’t they. He learned a lot and would speak up when some dads didn’t understand and explain from his perspective of having a 2 day old. He came back from the class feeling way more confident than he was in the hospital.
@outoSUMI respectfully, because I believe this is how it SHOULD happen, you're out of your mind if you think that's standard. In many places in the West they basically only make you prove you have a correctly installed car seat. Parenting classes are OPTIONAL.
My dad was the complete opposite. While my mom was giving birth to me, he was there the entire time. From what he tells me he was so anxious he nearly passed out a couple of times. When all was said and done he was so happy that she’d made it through and he held both of us for 2 hours straight. My dad is fucking AWESOME!!! I was afraid to come out to him as Bisexual a few years back since we are Catholic but he was super supportive and our relationship is still super great.
When my grandma was in labor with my mom, she had to have a c-section or else both of them would die. Since it was the 70's (and my grandma was delirious in pain), they had to have my biological grandfather sign a waiver for them to perform the C-Section. He refused. My great-grandma (grandma's mom) pushed him against a wall and said, and I quote "If you do not sign that paper, I will kill you. Then I will be the next of kin, and I will sign it". He signed it, my mom was born, and that asshole left my grandma two weeks after :)
That’s EXACTLY what happened when my husband was born!! His dad had to be threatened by his parents-in-law before he’d give permission because he’d rather his wife (and child) be dead than her have an ugly scar in bikini season. She left him two years later when he cheated on her with a high-school girl
i will never understand people who act like c-sections are 'cheating' becuse like; my sister was born that way as she was littrally bigger then the birth cannal; and then my brother was an emergency c-section becuse he managed to get the ambilical cord wrapped around his neck 6 months in. bolth of those were scary; painful sitiations that if my mom haddent gone the c-section route would have killed her and my older siblings.
There are people who think that women not giving birth is cheating, women not having kids is cheating, women not washing dishes by hand is cheating, women not working full time and then doing all the childcare and housework as well is cheating, women hiring a housecleaner is cheating, women (just add here anything at all that would make their life easier or more comfortable). SMH
c-sections are worse though, aren't they? Makes labour shorter, but it's an actual operation. There was a thing going around a few years ago "too posh to push" which I think was trying to shame women who had elective c-sections, with seemingly a sentiment that it was something only rich women were doing. Emergency c-sections are for sure the worst.
@@paulhammond6978I don't know where this sentiment in which rich people always have C-sections on request comes from. As if OB/GYNs can be paid to do whatever medical procedures these rich people want without considering their health.
a palate cleanser for you: my first babysitting gig was at our neighbor's (I was about 12 years old, and had never changed a diaper). I called my dad when the diaper was wet, and he came over and showed me how to do it. This was in the days before disposable diapers, and I still remember him showing me how to put my fingers between the baby's belly and the safety pin, because "it's better to inadvertently poke yourself with the pin than to poke the baby."
I have no intention of having a child, but I feel like if you are in a situation where your partner is having a baby, you should be doing as much as humanly possible to help when told, stay out of the way when told, and simplify the life of the hospital staff who are trying to help your partner whenever possible.
When I was being born, my dad and the (male) doctor were chatting about their mutual love of Rush Limbaugh. My mom ended up needing vacuum-assistance, and the doctor didn't notice immediately because they were busy chatting. Also, my mother had been having contractions for a week before she was actually dialated enough.
The fact that you know this means your mother heard it... its not like the nurses would remain in contact with you after all these years......... what a depressing thing to hear as a mum during all that!
I have come with some palette cleansers! I used to work as a host at a hospital (basically I delivered the food trays to the rooms, and for the parents in the maternity ward, a complimentary gift basket/meals) and I can honestly say most of the dads I met were amazing. They were super polite, either met me at the door and whispered so as not to wake the baby up, or if the baby and other parent were already awake, would quickly jump up to move stuff around so I could set the trays down, and always thanked me very genuinely. I was so happy to see many of the dads from my generation were obviously starting off on the right track and were very caring for their partners and kiddos! My favorite was this one couple who were just constantly giggling and chatting with each other whenever I came by with trays. Warmed my heart to see them so happy!
My dad has a legitimate blood phobia. (One of those people who straight up faints.) So for my birth, they prewarned the hospital, and put up a curtain between my mum and dad. So he could still hold her hand, but didn't have to see the blood. (It was the doctor's suggestion, because he didn't want someone to have to stitch up my dad's head if he passed out during the labour)
That's a really smart solution that allows your dad to be there without the risk of him losing consciousness. Big kudos to that doctor for the idea, and big kudos to your dad for risking that condition to be there for your mum!
My dad wasn't always a great father, but during every birth he was in the room and doing whatever he could to help. This was in the mid-70's and fathers in the delivery room wasnt typical. He always said if he could get pregnant and give birth he would as it's the most amazing experience humans can have. Totally cis, totally straight, but still awestruck by the hirth process.
it isnt a dad in this scenario, but a mum instead. i have a family friend who had a miscarriage at home and was absolutely terrified and she told me she called her mum for help and a lift to the hospital and her mum just said "no im at the gym" and then didnt even turn up at the hospital or check on her.
That's horrible. It doesn't matter whether you are a man, women or nonbinary: if you are supposed to be there as a supportive partner or family member , it's horrible to be this high up.their horse to not want spend time with the person they love whether through pregnancy or any other important time in their lives. Hope your friend is ok. Xx
@@lovelifeandcrafts5003 she is doing far better now, thank you. she's since had another 2 children. she still grieves the very first, but she is happier
@@tible_toble_table_top i'm glad she is doing better and has a wonderful family. Sending my love . losing someone is never easy but it does get better. Hugs. Xx
I know someone who refused to get out of bed to take his wife to their inducement appointment. I was a teen and helping her out because they had a 2 year old and she also had MS. We had to call his mom to come get him up. Once awake he was a good support in the room, but no delivery should start that way. This was 20+ years ago and he got sober and isn't the same person he was then. Losing his family and having a long distance relationship with his kids was a big wake up call. Don't drink, or at least drink responsibly. It really makes you the worst version of yourself. It makes you hurt the people you love most.
My boyfriend was amazing during the very traumatic delivery of our son. I don't know what I would have done without him. I had a long, very horrible labor. My contractions were so strong that the nurses were shocked. They were literally worse than what the monitors could detect. During this my doctor attempted to deny me the epidural I'd had planned ever since I was 3 months pregnant because he felt natural births were best. He "forgot" to forward the paperwork to the hospital and then avoided coming in until he thought it would be too late for me to get it. I had a lot of trauma around pain, medical stuff, as well as the hospital I was delivering in at that time. An epidural was not just to control my pain but also for the sake of my mental health. I did eventually get my epidural and the anesthesiologist even gave me a bit extra because my labor was so strong (I wish everything good in life for that man). My boyfriend never left my side and he and the absolutely amazing nurses fought for me the whole time. Including the point where my doc walked out AS I WAS PUSHING to grab a drink at a vending machine. He was basically throwing a tantrum because I ended up getting the epidural tried to deny me. I still have serious trauma regarding my son's birth (he turns 20 in a couple of weeks) so I'm not really up to telling the whole story but that gives you a decent idea of how it went. I'm still with my partner to this day (we will hit the 25 year mark later this year) and he is a wonderful father. The story of my kid's birth has a lot of terrible parts to it but my partner definitely isn't one of them. I'm so thankful that he was there by my side and doing everything in his power to try to manage a terrible and chaotic situation. It's not the beautiful memory that it should have been but I still find happiness in the fact that the love of my life was there taking care of me and fighting for me.
@@danakchampion Absolutely. I have a lot of medical trauma and chronic health issues. Knowing he's there to support me and fight with me makes such a huge difference.
It's delightful to encounter my fellow crips/spoonies/zebras under this wider trans friendly community! I'm so uplifted to hear about your keeper of a partner and grown child. I'm working to build my support knot around me after going low contact with my parents, and my husband asking to divorce and transition to a relationship of financial support only. (Which I am so grateful for the ongoing financial support, so important for us crips with checkered ability to do paid labor.) I am looking forward to a future where I have folks show up to my medical appointments or emergencies ready to advocate for my best interest if needed. For now I'm starting to build a rotation of folks who will go with me just so I'm not alone, who are interested in having me educate them about my experiences and learn to be an advocate.
Yeah, I wold've been after that doctor with a lawsuit for his license. I Do Not like doctors with attitudes like that. They serve their patients, not the other way around!
@@John_Weiss I should have gone after him but I was in a very bad place emotionally at that point. I didn't have the strength to fight him. I regret that now because I know he's probably traumatized others as well but I also recognize that I had to put myself first so I could be a good mom to my son.
It was Charles, for Harry’s birth. He also distanced himself from baby Harry and Diana bc Harry looked more like the Spencer side of the family, so Charles decided that must mean she’d cheated and that Harry wasn’t his
@@NeishaKW22 Harry bears a striking resemblance to his mother's horse trainer. I'm not saying her life wasn't very trying...I'm not saying anything...aside from...I can see a husband not wanting to be around at that time if he knew & if it's true.
My son was born in 2006 - the year of the World Cup. When I was in the post-natal ward, recovering from an emergency c-section, the heat in the ward was unbearable - it was June, and a VERY hot summer that year. All of us new mums were complaining about it, and when visiting hours came around, we of course menitoned it to our partners/husbands. They made a big show of getting together as a group and saying they were "going to have a word with the nursing staff" - and then, a few minutes later, they returned triumphant, saying everything was 'sorted.' Did they mean they'd got the nurses to turn on the air-conditioning, or get some fans in the room or something? Ermmm. no. They meant that they'd got the nurse to wheel a giant tv into the room so they could all watch some important World Cup match or some such, which just happened to coincide with that particular visiting time. They even moved some of the chairs and couches in the room so they could all sit together with a good view of the telly - while us mums had to stay in our beds, and got 'shushed' whenever we tried to talk to them while the match was on.
You all just let that happen? I would have been screaming obscenities and throwing things at them non-stop, whilst pressing the call button and demanding a nurse remove them and their stupid TV.
Mine insisted I do the dishes when it was "my turn" even up to 8months pregnant, having contractions, expressing it was difficult for me(im only 5'2 so to reach the dishes i had to be up on a stepstool bent over, quite dangerous position if something were to go wrong)... the Dr had to explicitly say for me not to do dishes anymore til it was safe to go into labor. He also flirted with a nurse and once while changing our newborn leapt back, leaving him on the table b.c he was pooping on him. I was supervising b.c I knew he's useless af so I had the baby instantly and took over. I left him before the baby was 4 months, no regrets.
I'm surprised you'd choose someone like that to marry and get pregnant by to be honest. We're there no warning signs? Surely you knew his personality? 😮
@faithpearlgenied-a5517 why not ask why someone who claimed to love and care for me behave that way? I'm not going those awful blame based questions with real answers.
Being an intersex transgirl if I do have a spouse going through labor, my fear is that I'll be a pos spouse. I know I won't be a father but still. Like I have both sets of anatomy and technically could become pregnant but can't deliver due to the way my body developed. So my fear is I'll be jealous of my future spouse and be dysphoric on top of that and ruin it for her. I know by the time I'm in such a position I'll have matured more than I am right now but I still have that fear.
The fact that it worries you is, I think, a good sign as it means you want to be supportive. I'm sure you will do much better than the spouses in the video - even if you are dysphoric.
@@SharylLacroixPretty much what I was going to say. Just worrying about how good of a partner you'll be and considering that you may need to stifle your own feelings to be there for them speaks volumes.
I missed my son's birth. Hadn't eaten all day, and my sister had to go home briefly to her house, so I got her to drop me at my house on the way and grab me on the way back after I'd had like, a sandwich or something (ended up having pizza because my housemate had ordered for everyone) Well, she got distracted getting high and over two hours later FINALLY came back telling me "your son was born half an hour ago". She'd received dozens of messages saying to hurry because my now ex (unrelated, we weren't a match and she's a very abusive person) was dilating and the delivery wouldn't be far off. So, yea, thanks Tegan. Only kid I'll ever have and I missed one of the biggest moments of his life.
When I went to the delivery room to support my now-spouse, I hadn’t taken classes on what to expect. I also have a uterus but have never given birth. Apparently I reacted exceptionally well, because when it was over a nurse told me I would make a good doula. I was able to stay at the hospital most of the time my partner and newborn were there (including overnight). There was one morning I woke up and my partner thanked me for helping overnight, but I had absolutely no recollection of even waking up. 😂 We were both pretty sleep-deprived. Somewhere in there was a very muddled marriage proposal, too. My in-laws asked if I said yes and I said I hadn’t been clear it was a proposal, but yes, I would marry my partner. Honestly though, being in the birthing room was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, even if I can’t remember the whole thing clearly.
Been having to spend a lot of time in a hospital lately to be with my dad, so I can make a comment or two on letting people stay. It really depends on what floor/section they're in. While he was in the cancer ward and ICU, no one below 14 was allowed in his room, but my mom stayed with him nearly the entire time he was in the cancer ward. The couch even folded out. Uncomfortable, but she could stay. ICU was very strict about visiting hours. His last stay was in a general hospital room, and she stayed a couple nights with him but started getting sick so came home. But speaking of my dad, to give you a bit of feel goods, he never missed a birth. To the point that before I was born, he worked as a forest fire fighter, and he got a message my brother was about to be born. He got himself helicoptered out and back to the city. Didn't even change or shower, just zoomed to the hospital to be with my mom. He's not the greatest man in the world, and sometimes he infuriates me by being a piece of shit, but I can at least give him credit where credit is due, because my mom never gave birth alone.
Oh, I can imagine Jamie during the delivery. He's going to be so focused on Shaaba that he forgets to take care of his own needs. Except that Shaaba is going to make him take a little rest and a eat something. They will both be utterly awestruck at their little baby. This little image in my mind is what I need to get over all these awful stories.
The way my dad tells it he was far from useless during my birth. My mom only had a 24 minute labour, they had just enough time to get to the nearest hospital and put her in a bed. I started popping out before they even made it to her roo. The part thats "as my dad tells it" is that he says I shot out like a water slide and he had to catch me because the doctor wasn't fast enough. 😂. How much of that is just goofy fatherly exaggeration and how much is true I'll never know. I do know the 24 minutes part is real at least because the doctor who delivered me actually left that hospital, opened his own practice and became my pediatrician.
I found out after my dad died that he was so excited about me coming that he learned to sew so that he could make me baby clothes. A friend of mine has lots of friends who are very close to the family. When the first baby came, they called us Team Awesome and the father got a friend of his to engrave fancy Leatherman knives for each of us. He's on the PTA and fiercely defends the kids with politely worded letters and careful politics. Another friend's kids had to stay in NICU. All the pictures we have are of the father sitting with the baby or sleeping on the couch because he didn't go home. There's a lot of good men and good fathers!
That's beautiful! I can say that my dad was also good to me He's not the most outwardly affectionate, which is not uncommon for Asian parents, but he definitely showed me love and support in other ways as I grew up, mainly getting me things to support my hobbies and financial planning for my education There are good dads out there!
@@pearcat08 A lot of the married guy friends, or husbands of friends, are good men They exist, but we need to do the cultural work to make men like them even more common
As a postpartum nurse I have seen all of these men over the last 14 years 🤦🏼♀️. I will say though, for c-sections we get them up walking usually about 6 hours after delivery as it helps them get their bowels moving again (if you’ve ever felt gas pain, just imagine it right after having major abdominal surgery). Also for overnight, we now have some reclining chairs for the partners to sleep on (though they’re not overly comfortable) but unless they’re planning to be helpful I’d rather they go home and get some good sleep so they can be more helpful the next day when the birthing parent is exhausted (they will be either way). And the dads that stay and snore in the chairs all night piss me off 😝 (the helpful ones are welcome to stay!!) I live in Canada and I’m sure the rules are different everywhere, but the shitty dads are the same!
I had an emergency C-section after a spontaneous uterus rupture and sure, they made me walk the next day, but only for short stretches, and they didn't let me leave as soon as I wanted until they were sure I was ok. This sounds like he made her walk more than she was ready for, to show that she was well enough to leave when she really wasn't.
@@latronqui I definitely agree that the partner was likely pushing too hard and for his own benefit! Jamie just seemed surprised that they would be up walking the next day, so I wanted to clarify that’s a normal thing. Also yes, short walks to start and build up to longer walks as tolerated 😊 Uterine rupture is scary!! I hope you and your baby are doing well!
Yes that's exactly why my partner went home both times, at least one of us could be rested to take care of us when we came back. I won't say those nights were easy, but the medical personal were much more useful than he would have been!
@@terrao3779 thanks! It was awful but luckily nothing happened to my baby, they made lots of exams to check if he had brain damage because he didn't breathe for a while , but they found nothing and almost 5 years later he's doing great. I was very scarred physically and emotionally but now I'm recovered enough to have decided to try for a new baby!
I remember a guy being there for his son when he was sick or recovering from surgery (not sure which), and that's great and all, but unfortunately they shared a room with *me,* and *I'd* just had major jaw surgery, and this kid's dad SNORED. I was having trouble sleeping to begin with (pain, discomfort, being somewhere unfamiliar/other than home, trying to sleep with a huge, lumpy balloon head on an uncomfortable hospital bed...), so that just tipped me over the edge. At first, my mom tried to soothe me and remind me that he was here taking care of his little boy (I was freshly 14 at the time, he was probably about half my age), but I started to get grumpy ("He snores louder than you!" "Gee, thanks."), and then I started to lose it and dissolved into tears, heading into inconsolable territory by that point, so my mom went over and apologetically and politely asked the man if he could try to keep it down, if at all possible. I don't remember how he reacted. But I was also a kid with undiagnosed autism, so a lot of this had to do with me being in a Sensory Hell. Idk.
Hey Jamie, they're not all bad! I went into labor 8 weeks early and my husband never left my side except to get my go bag from the house and to get me food. He kept me laughing the whole time to help me cope with the stress and to this day he claims that he didn't see any poop whatsoever. He even washed my hair when I needed a shower but still had all the tubes and needles stuck in my arms. Some dads have their priorities straight.
So my mothers water broke during an American football game, precisely when our team won a touchdown. I smacked my face on the table in front of me by accident. Basically the whole getting to the car was a very difficult thing. So when my mom is finally at the hospital, I’m in the waiting room because I’m only about 4-5 years old at this time. While my dad was in the room, he wasn’t even facing her! He was watching the football game as she was giving birth to my little brother! SMH
(I'm trans). (Good story) I had a very easy labor and delivery (easiest part of my entire pregnancy). I got induced at 2am and had a child in my arms at 2:40pm. I had an epidural so I was actually doing pretty good all things considered. And my partner was great. He was very clearly unwell with all of it once I got into the pushing part, but still was there and super supportive, just green around the gills. The only "oh really?" Part was I was there mid morning definitely feeling it (but not really showing it, because I guess I'm tough) and he just commented "I'm bored, nothing is happening" my mom, his mom and I just glared at him. My mom did almost miss it because she went to grab food. She walked back in right as the nurses and doc were getting me ready. But I also only had like 30 mins of actually pushing. Like I said SUPER easy labor and delivery.
I had a vaginal birth for my son and I was up and walking around with him (my son) strapped to my chest after a week. My BFF had a C-section that was planned and had to be very careful and pretty immobile in order for the multiple layers of stitches to heal properly. Thankfully we had lots of help back then but I can't imagine having to deal with our disappointments of sperm donors in the delivery room etc. I feel so sad for these people
When I was carrying my first child--who has just turned 50 (!)--I was having a home birth with the amazing services of the Freemont Women's Clinic. My then-husband's boss said "Just send her to the hospital for a few days and have some time to yourself," completely forgetting he didn't provide health insurance. Sigh.
I’ve been watching your videos for years now and you gave me the strength to be myself, the first video I saw of you was the Song about being trans video and it changed my life, thank you and keep being amazing
15 years ago my husband stayed overnight in my room, and 10 years ago when my MIL was hospitalized for cancer i stayed on the foldout couch in her room for two solid months. (Texas USA)
At our hospitals, it depends on how many beds are available, as the hospital can't plan how many women go into labour at any given time. So you can request a 'family room' for an extra fee, but the husband gets kicked out, if another mother needs to share the room.
My brother was in the room for the delivery of the child his girlfriend had conceived with the mane later married while she was still dating my brother. Because he'd rather the kid have two potential fathers who cared to show up to her birth than risk the only one who was there not sticking around. And then there are guys like this. Ugh!
@@lif6737 she was cheating on him, in the sense that she was touring with a circus group, fell in love, and forgot to tell her boyfriend back home what happened. She didn't make the final decision until she saw how the baby's father interacted with the baby, and then they got married.
Happy story that Jamie deserves to hear: I was born on my paternal grandmother's 64th birthday, which was inconvenient for her, because she was at a University of Washington (American rules) football game, as a season ticket holder, having her birthday party while tailgating. Rather than use his ticket (my father was also a season ticket holder, who was expected to attend the party) he spent the day at the hospital with my Mom. They were both crummy parents later on, facing the issues of having a trans child in the 1970s, but my parents' dedication to each other remained to the day my father died in 2000. Maybe not awe inspiring stuff, but there have always been women who raised their sons to be better men than their fathers, and clearly, my paternal grandmother was among them, even if she was disappointed in him for skipping her birthday party. (UW 35 : 21 Cal, for those with really poor priorities)
When my mom was having my sister there was another woman also very close to giving birth so the nurses set some of the monitors to read out in the opposite rooms to more easily monitor both of them. My mom was having a contraction about to break my dad's fingers when he said (based on the monitor of the other woman who was not having a contraction at that moment) "why are you squeezing my hand? You're not having a contraction right now". The nurses jumped in to explain because they knew they were about to watch him die and that's probably a lot of paperwork they didn't want to do. My mom still talks about how he was on thin ice after that.
When my brother was born,my mom had to stay the hospital for 3 more days because not only was my brother born with a closed lung but she almost died to being over 40,meanwhile my stepfather was just getting piss drunk in his car,blasting loud music and always cooked dinner way too late
Days after giving birth, I had to have my gall bladder removed. We waited until the baby was born, but I had been in agony because of it. It was an outpatient procedure and went home within hours of the surgery being over. My mother had taken our infant so that my husband could concentrate on taking care of me. I was still on pain meds from the delivery and not recovered enough from that to walk unassisted due to the difficult delivery. My husband made a bed for me on the floor and proceeded to take a nap in the bed. I begged him after 2 hours to get up and get me something, even a piece of cheese so that I could take my pain meds as you couldn't take them on an empty stomach. He refused and made me wait in pain trapped on the floor for another 3 hours. My mother returned with our baby and my husband jumped up to get me what I had asked for looking to the world like a dutiful partner. I should have left him then.
After I had given birth to my son (I'm FTM trans), my then partner (and my son's birth father) kept badgering the doctors to discharge me. My son was 8 weeks premature, I had been in labour for 2 weeks, had a blood clot behind the placenta, and needed an emergency C-section. The doctors tried to keep me there, but he was so persistent, that they let me leave after 5 days. He told me if I didn't leave, he would call the police and have me deported as I didn't have full citizenship (I moved to the UK from the USA). He made me walk the 5 miles back home. My son was in an incubator and had to stay at the hospital until he was a month old. During that time, my partner refused to let me go to the hospital to visit our son. He was an alcoholic, very abusive and controlling and only got worse the older my son got. When my son turned 3, we left him and was put in a women's refuge where we stayed for nearly 2 years until we got a place of our own. I'm now with a very wonderful and supportive man who has accepted my son (who is now 21) as part of his family.
It took 17 years and multiple (horrible) partners to find the one who treats me like a human being who is deserving of compassion and love, but I'm really glad I did! :D @@KristiChan1
This is an interesting topic. I'd love one with a 50/50 mix of this type of horror story and actually supportive partner stories. Showing the absolute trash next to worthwhile relationships would be fun, especially because you and Shaaba seem like you are going to be awesome parents together ❤
When my Mum was in labour with her first child (me) she was given gas and air. She had a bad reaction to it and hallucinated badly. she thought she was flying around the room and kept seeing dead babies everywhere. She became hysterical thinking she was going to fall and that her baby had died while in full labour, my Dad just cracked up laughing and was zero support. For her next 3 births she had no gas and air and a different man!
I'm not saying everyone should be trans, but if men had to go through female puberty and have babies, the world would be a very different and probably better place.
If cis men could get pregnant, reproductive choice would be an enshrined human right and abortions would be available from every local clinic and birth control would be widely available and dirt cheap.
Partner Brag: I had a baby during Covid. Plus, the local (only) hospital was having construction on the maternity section. And we also had a toddler at home. My spouse drove back and forth 3 hours each day I was in the hospital to support me and new baby plus the toddler.
If I had been the woman laboring when my husband walked in and said he wanted a divorce I would have screamed at him to get out and then asked the delivery team to make sure he was escorted out and not allowed to see me or the child. Then at any child care hearing I would make sure that the judge knew this and that I didn't want him near my child and I wanted maximum child care payments. I would have been brutal. I say this as a woman who was in labor for 36 hours with her one child. There is a reason I don't have two.
Tip….when the nurse/midwife brings some toast and tea into the room post delivery, and your partner has gone to the bathroom to tidy herself up…….DO NOT EAT THE TOAST OR DRINK THE TEA! It’s not for you. ……..Can you guess how I know this gem.
For my brother's birth my mum had to repeatedly call asking when my Dad was going to come visit her in hospital but he wouldn't go. In the end my Gran and Grandad persuaded him to go and my grandad dropped him of and went on to do some shopping or something. When Grandad came to pick him up he was obviously drunk and most likely used the lift as an excuse to go down the pub and drink instead of go visit his wife and new born child.
My husband had never held a baby before our eldest son was placed in his arms. He was the best support during my csection and then just a couple weeks later, I was incredibly sick with severe mastitis. He looked after both me and our son wonderfully. We now have 2 boys and he is the best husband and father 😊
My husband had to leave right after I gave birth to my first. He had a test at college the next day. I asked him if he could get an extension because I was really nervous about being in the hospital. Apparently he couldn't because he used the, "my wife just had a baby." Exuse a few months prior when he missed a week of school. I'm no longer married to that man, I upgraded to a trans woman for a wifey. :-)
I'm 45 yo and I don't really see how I could have a relationship with someone younger than their late 20s and even so, it would be odd for me at first ,at least. On one side, what would I bring to the relationship and secondly, I want a partner and girlfriend, not a teenage daughter. Not that I would have a problem of dating a woman with kids. And yes, fuck narcisists! Both my parents were narcisists and sometimes I wonder if myself I'm a covert narcisist. Trying to go through that in therapy to deal with all that shit and my CPTSD and PTSD.
Having been in a similar childhood setup - and I've also heard many therapists say this too - if you actually worry you might be a narcissist, you're almost certainly not one. 🙂 That's not something narcissists have the self-awareness to even consider about themselves. Keep going with the therapy - it'll be worth it in the end, no matter how hard and painful it might seem now. Wishing you all the luck and support in the world. 👍
@@connorscorner443 It does but for me it's odd because I always appreciated older women. My first girlfriend was 27 when I was only 19. But now at 45, if I still want to have kids of my own, I need to look for younger women with which is not easy for me, strangely.
Not gonna lie... guys like this are why I was perfectly ok with transitioning. (MtF) Got tired of being seen like I was like this and in ways I was 'cause.... well, according to how I was raised on a social level... that's what guys are supposed to be like... Right? Ick... I'm good thanks.
Trans guy here and part of my mental transition was really thinking through cultural masculinity and what I wanted and what I didn't. A definite advantage of finding your gender as an adult. You can be purposeful in how you interact with your own gender versus just blindly imbibing it from birth.
Pallet cleanser: My father took training to become an EMT so that if anything happened he could help my mother. This was their third child and the first since he left the military. They lived in an area with poor OB-GYN services and he wasn't going to risk either one of them. He was very involved in her delivery and the doctor even stepping back to watch over him deliver my sister. 17 years later and I have been her support throughout the pregnancy. The baby's father was MIA. I've taken her to all the classes helped her with all the supplies, etc. I get pretty sick with a cold a week before she is due and of course she goes into labor. I take her the hospital and am told that I'm highly contagious and there are immuno-compromised infants on the floor and I am not allowed to stay. In comes my father. He stays by her side the whole time and helps deliver his grand-daughter into the world.
i love seeing a trans man who shares this view, i was always worried that i was being idk weird for disliking cis men who act horrid. but thanks love you jammie
Yes jammie I appreciated the "men are trash" outburst. 😅 I get shamed by women so often for being open in my criticism of the harmful behavior from patriarchal men and patriarch-supporting women in my life. It means a lot to me to see masculine role models who are comfortable calling out this behavior without it threatening their own sense of masculinity. It does more for me to help disambiguate between men/masculine and patriarchy/toxic-masculinity than any diatribe from a patriarchy-supporting woman about how I need to "stop hating men". I'm actually trans nonbinary and I want desperately to develop an understanding of what positive masculinity looks like for me. I'm AFAB so I've been able to more fully develop aspects of myself that were accepted under the umbrella of feminity. I feel really imbalanced and arrested in my development when it comes to the masculine and the queer. 🦩🌈
My parents always faulted me for their avoidant behaviour to the point where I wanted to detach from them at age 5 because we had no real relationship outside of them trying to puppeteer my life.
The only story I've heard where the person giving birth was unreasonable about the other parent/partner missing was a friend's mom from school. I don't remember if it was her birth, but her dad missed one of the births because he was having emergency surgery. It turned out his appendix had burst, but he'd been so worried about his wife and the complications she was having that he was just ignoring it. Thankfully he passed out after getting her to the hospital. He'd passed out right when she started pushing, which the staff initially assumed was for the normal reasons until they couldn't wake him and realized he was burning up. So he got rushed off to be dealt with and she thought he was a horrible person for "abandoning her". Yeah, you can guess which parent all the kids liked.
I saw an article a while back about how millennial dads are better than their own dads were. according to it, our fathers generation had about 2% who had ever even changed a diaper, while in our millennial generation thats 80%. makes me wonder if my dad ever changed my shitty diaper.
I'm confused by these numbers, to me it reads like 80% of millenial dads havenxt changed a diaper? Or 80% have and 20% havenxt which would still be a lot more than 2%? If you could clear that up for me I'd be greatful
@@Sandrina42 The percentages are dads who HAVE ever changed a diaper. The wording was a bit weird, but the percentage of fathers who take responsibility for raising and caring for their infant children has been on the rise, including feeding, changing diapers, and attending appointments. Hope that clears things up. ^^
ohhh holy shite ok thanks for explaining I really just misread it as "who had -never" instead of - ever-. and I misread it again the second and third time I reread trying to understand so that's entirely on me lol. But 2% is wild omg. I'd never have guessed that. My parents where born in the 60s so I'm gonna ask them tomorrow for sure. Can't imagine my father never changed a diaper though.
When you say your father’s generation, do you mean a specific generation (e.g., Boomers)? Or do you mean anyone who became a dad in the 80s and 90s, which could include Silent, GenX, etc? Just curious.
@@catsmom129 Since the premise is millenials I think it'll mostly be boomers, unless someone had a child fairly young. I was born in 96 and my parents in 64 nd 62 respectively. I'm the youngest child with a 5 year gap though but I'd still say my siblings and I are all millenials and our parents are boomers.
Yup i was assuming we were gonna do like 90s sitcom level of dadding. Like fairly incompotent but still good natured, like hal from malcolm in the middle, but ummm most of these are mean-natured.
Here's something to maybe bring some of y'all's faith in humanity back I'm a transfem and a furry, my dad is fully supportive and has ended up joining the furry community himself. He used to be homophobic (and transphobic, although at the time he was unaware of trans people) until my mom had made a point that made him realize that lgbt is not bad. Nowadays he is a wonderful parent who supports me and loves me and is one of the good things in my life despite being a trans minor in texas. He often reassures me that I will have an effective transition when I do finally transition (in ~2 years, it's illegal here for minors to receive gender affirming care)
my father straight up laughed at my mom when she was screaming in pain while giving birth to my youngest sister. that tells you what kind of person he is
My dad had his issues, but he was always there. He was a very macho man, but my mom has said that my and my brothers' births were some of the few occasions where he broke into tears.
yeah, on the L&D floor the father (ONLY the father) is allowed to stay overnight, the rooms have pull-out sofa beds of a sort (more like a chair that stretches out to be a tiny bed). my husband stayed overnight for the entire 4 days i was in hospital (c-sections require a longer recovery time) and only left to bury his childhood dog that had just died. even then, he came back in time for me to be discharged.
These are worse than I thought too. When I heard "useless dads", I thought it would be more the dad is there and present but just a bit useless. They go beyond just being useless dads, they shouldn't be dads at all. Edit: I had a c-section, major surgery is NOT an easy way out. I said this to a woman who thought like this. Funny she thought I was rude for saying so. People leave me speechless sometimes.
When my sibling was born in 2010 the woman giving birth next to my mum was screaming in pain and everything and the father had been watching the football match on tv like wth your partner is in tremendous pain pushing a literal human being out of their body and all you care about is soccer? Cmon, grow up
You'd think they'd even be remotely interested in how human beings come into the world??? But of course no, because it is not about them. As a trans man, Ive had kids. My ex mum took me and him to hospital for the birth of our child. The onset of labour was sudden and extremely painful. The 'father' made his mother stop at the shop to get cigarettes, while I was white knuckling it on the dashboard, yelling out in pain. I did not make it to the labour ward. I had my baby in the car in 35C degree heat. Thanks alot AH. I left him after 3 years. If it's not about them, they dont want to know.
I'm awfully sorry you had to deal with all that. As if it's not traumatic enough to birth a human and survive it (and mortality rates are no joke!) but then jerks around you still expect you to accommodate for their utterly insignificant whims. It's infuriating for sure.
My dad and my husband are amazing. (Although I'd like one of these threads about overbearing mature women who think they know better just because they've done it) To the douchebag who couldn't stay awake, we were in labour 3 days. My hubby stayed with me the whole time. My dad took my grampy to a different hospital (didn't tell me so not to worry me) drove my mum to us like 5 hours away. Took my husband home after, brought him back in morning and then took my mum for emergency treatment and the night I got home (he drove, we didn't have a car) and dad picked mum up and got us extra nappies.... basically grow up dude, all people involved are tired; get over yourself!
oddly enough my husband was better as a new dad than as a second-time dad. but after reading the reddit story about the man trying to divorce his husband with cancer and changing his mind when the cancer went away, i can't even chalk it up to cishet men, it just seems to be all cis men.
People like this absolutely *do* make my blood boil. For most of my life, i have wanted to be a father, but thanks to depression and mental illness. It's pretty obvious I'll have to make due with teaching or looking out for the neighborhood kids. Then you've got "prime specimens" like these guys who can be total tools and haver serial abusive relationships.
I'm convinced that Jammi will be a great dad someday, because he's clearly an empathetic man who considers the feelings of others. We need more parents like that in the world 🫂
Jamie, you will be such a good dad! If you and Shaaba choose to share your fertility journey online, I am sure you will find tons of support from your fans. As someone who also needs help to conceive a child (though for different reasons), I am with you about it being super infuriating to hear stories like this.
My dad wasnt there for my birth because he was a giant of a man and "afraid" of blood (I cant remember what it is called when you faint at the sight of blood) so the doctors had him leave the room before he would need medical assistance. And he wasnt there for my sister's birth because I needed looking after (and probably the blood thing too) 😙
We won't talk about my first husband and first kid, but my second husband and second kid is the story you want. :) I had my second baby in a birthing center, and it was super laid back. My mother-in-law, her best friend (long story), my sister, two of my nieces, and my husband were all hanging out most of the morning. When I went into actual labor, it hit hard and fast. My husband helped me as much as he could (fortunately, we had two attendant midwives and they both instructed and supported him so he could be as involved as possible). Right toward the end, he was trying really hard to help me stay calm, but he was visibly distressed (and I could hear him sniffing) that I was in some pain. My sister literally stood over his shoulder and whispered, "She's doing great. This is exactly what she's supposed to be doing!" so he was able to keep supporting me. I guess my sister is kind of a hero here, too. I was super fortunate to have so many people working together. I got to eat as much as I wanted, which is good because we were there for several hours before I gave birth, and I need my snacks. But we did take one picture of my husband sitting calmly on the bed eating fried chicken his mom had walked over and gotten him to make him look like one of the jerks you mentioned in the video. :)
When my brother and his wife had my last nephew at their home he was extremely attentive not only to my sister in law but to myself and anyone else who was there to witness the birth. If I remember correctly I think he cried because he was so happy. My brother is one of those tough looking guys so to see him cry because of how much he loves his wife and children was such a beautiful sight to see. Also I want you to know that you seem like an amazing guy yourself and I am more then confident that you will be an amazing father one day. I'm so glad the algorithm made it so I could find your channel. 😁
My baby's head got stuck in my pelvis for 3 hours during pushing and eventually I had to have a c-section. After the epidural wore off and they went to get me to stand up and walk (to discourage blood clots in the legs) they found I couldn't walk. If they pulled me standing I could support my weight, but I was unable to actually lift a leg and walk forward. I could still feel them, just not control them. A neurologist said that the baby's head in my pelvis for 3 hours squished the nerves running from my spine down to my legs enough to damage them, and that the damage "may" go down over time, only thing to do is wait and see. Well, so I was immobile for quite some time. So they had my baby in the hospital basinet and they'd roll it to beside the bed most of the time so I could pick her up when needed, but one time a nurse came to do a test or check my vitals or something and forgot to roll the cart back to beside the bed. My (now ex-) husband was in the room the whole time though so I thought, no big deal. Baby eventually started crying, and he was sleeping on a sofa by the window in the room. He did not get up when baby started crying. I called his name, over and over, loudly. He refused to budge. Finally I threw stuff at him. Only then did he get up and push the cart next to me so I could reach the baby. I asked him why didn't he get up? Was he asleep? Did he not hear the baby crying or me calling his name over and over? (Literally in a small hospital room, not far away or anything.) He said no, he woke up as soon as she started crying. But he just felt tired, so he wanted to pretend to be asleep so we wouldn't bother him. This man never ONCE got up in the night to feed/comfort/change diapers. Because he was "too tired." (The nerve swelling went down after a few months and I was able to use a walker to get around. I could walk without a walker again after about 6 months. Still deal with occasional issues due to the nerve damage but thankful mobility eventually came back.)
Man my husband was awesome when our kiddo was born. I have food allergies and couldn't safely eat any of the hospital food, so he drove home and cooked a whole meal and brought it back for us for eat :)
