When I was about 16 and my brother, 18, we threw a big lawn party in the summer. We both invited friends and some of them brought friends. This is how we met people. We had parties, music, food, soda and beer…we had fun and we met people in person. Obviously that was a few generations ago. A lot has been lost.
@@keyofg2020 Internet had nothing to do with it. Culture has changed and it has pushed people away from interacting especially women and men and this was happening before the age of the internet. The introduction of nightclubs was the first major trend were the music was loud electronic music and what end up happening was that men and women started to cluster in huddles with low levels of interaction. The music was not dance orentiated but was twitch orientated with people doing repetitive patterns of movement to very basic music all on their own. It used to be that men could ask a lady out on a date without it ever being considered physical and it only being a talking session.
The best way to meet a real person is to live your life doing the things you love to do... every single day. Go to bookstores, join gardening clubs, join a bowling league, hike with a friend, learn to knit, hang out at the gym, go to church... etc. Sitting at home looking through dishonest online profiles after a long day of sitting in a cubicle will always create more misery and loneliness... not less.
Cooper this is exactly what I advise everyone who feels left out.. Join a club that does stuff you like doing. It’s a bit hard to meet people that share your outlook when you’re at home behind- a screen.
I agree in the main and that's what I used to tell my daughter. But she met someone online and they're together a year this month. Very compatible and very much in love. It wasn't Tinder though ... it was Hinge. Much more geared on like mindedness rather than sex.
This is good advice the trouble is that there is no community or much social life these days. I mean 'learn to knit' 'go to church' 'join gardening clubs' these things are almost a joke to many people I suspect (sadly) and in the UK i doubt many of these things are very prevalent. The biggest thing in England we have to church and any sort of community is the local pub.
I'M 42, still single, and I truly wonder when dating, flirting, something that used to be something fun an natural turned into this gender war mixed with black magic that makes everybody miserable. I've given up dating a long time ago. Whenever I try I get badly hurt, it's all incredibly frustrating, painful and everything but fun. It's worse than going to a really weird job interview. it's never fun, it's never just natural and it's just a giant pain.
I found out from being on dating apps- my level men looking for 10 yrs or younger plus they behave like they are selecting from a catalog, and i need to entertain them, ask them questions and listen to their bring stories about cars and golfing... i imagine men should. If you only go for much younger,, too beautiful and high maintenance women, its a good recipe to get hurt. Go for someone close to your age and level, and you may run into someone nice.
And what was he doing till this age if he wanted children? Im talking when i was 35, men who were 45 and 50 were trying to date me and men who were 35-39, were only looking for 25 year olds. If ge doesn’t want to get hurt- be more realistic and look for down to earth woman, not a princess.
I met my spouse through online dating and most of our friends did too. I would have never met her otherwise because we are in entirely different professions. Maybe we all just got lucky but I think it does take a shift in approach. It certainly does not need to be all bad.
It hasn't just destroyed dating. It's the reason every girl you happen upon in person acts like a Hollywood starlet and has this scowl on their face. How is it that their having more options made them angrier toward everyone?
@@bigheadrhino - OOH! Let's take it from a guy who signed a contract agreeing to pay a woman's bills for life even if she cheats, gets fat and won't cook or put out.
@@bigneiltoo you’re talking almost worse case scenario. Best case, you have a best friend for life, you have kids that will actually visit and take care of you when you’re old, and they also have kids that you can play with. Realistically, you’ll land somewhere in the middle, but it’s better than nothing. Every choice you make has a worse case scenario, even not trying has a worst case scenario where you are alone, old and feeble with literally nobody but your own thoughts for decades on end, and then you die. Even with the pain and work that comes with maintaining a marriage, you have a constant purpose and you can think about someone other than yourself. The problem with marriage is not that people chose marriage, it’s that they chose the wrong partner. Everything comes with risk, but I have way more respect for someone who has been divorced than someone who has never even tried.
@@bigheadrhino No, your situation is best case scenario. She hasn't ruined you yet. But she could, on a whim, after cheating, if she wanted, and take half your stuff, by law.
I find it incredible how they slam some men for having high expectations in women 😳 yet never once even mentioned the delusional and rampant crazy expectations women have of all men nowadays.
I honestly think that dating apps (and Tinder above all) have had a huge role to play in the rise of incel culture They also fuel body dysmorphia through an excessive focus on physical appearance (although image based social media like Instagram can be equally blamed for this)
I just accidentally discovered the gadget on my digital camera( 6 years later) that can shrink my face, improve my skin tone, enlarge my eyes and lips, brighten my teeth, improve my eyebrows and eyelashes and more. Jeesh. No one is who they really are on Instagram and dating apps.
Yes. But the reality is it's a result of feminism, specifically the twin ideas that woman can, and should, sleep with any guy they can, and women are typically interested in the same characteristics, while simultaneously man are told to "be themselves", even when that doesn't work.
After being disconnected from social media for about 10 years i have done my research and have discovered that the world has gone to shits. Humans are not even human anymore.
I met my girl 2 weeks ago. We already have loyalty and a commitment to each other. She's a Jack Russell Terrier. It's not about the sex it's the companionship.
Do it!! Getting a dog was the best thing I ever did. Dating is too much hassle. Coming home and knowing my good boy is waiting wagging his tail is the best feeling. His love is unconditional. His dirty protests are no so good but nothing is 100% perfect 😂😂.
I watch the episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Tracey Ullman and feel sorry for people in the dating game when over 50-- I imagine people like Ullman's character are common in life, especially when it comes to intimate looks at their private domestic and sexual behaviour. She's magnificent in the show, what a talent. :D
@@danstone873 Keep a bottle of Pepsi Max and a bag of Walkers next to the couch-- you'll be in quite the rabbit hole big fella! Enjoy! ;D PS= Palestinian chicken shop and anything with Leon equals gold.
I'm 40, I've been with my husband for 21 years. You can not find the perfect relationship, you have to create it! It takes hard work, compromise from BOTH PARTIES something people won't do now
One of the greatest advice I’ve been gotten on dating was from my grandpa. Anyone you meet could be your mate so when you do find someone, date like you’re going to marry that person. He was from a long bygone era, but I’ve grown to realize he was very right. Dating apps just encourage non-serious or short relationships. When taking seriously, like thinking about a future together, you look at the person completely differently. That being said, I’ve been sick for many years and dating apps have helped me go out on a few dates, but never worked out. I know God has someone somewhere for me. I just need to get better.
Hi Carlee, I just wanted to say that I'm praying for you and your health. I sincerely hope you get the correct nutrition and other support you need to regain your health. We all are being challenged in various ways now and it's a test and a learning to be had. I feel that we need to treat people with kindness and without any agendas whatsoever. If you become friends, that's amazing. Business contacts, amazing. Someone who can support in some way or be supported, amazing. I personally am tired of the way human beings behave these days. They're not doing enough self accounting and that makes me realise I have to do my own self accounting first and better myself as a person.
I'm 42 and married with four kids thanks to meeting my wife on a dating site sixteen years ago. It feels like things have changed a lot since then though. My wife and I are pretty similar, but to look at our dating profiles, it would have seemed like we were opposites. The problem to me seems to be less the aps themselves, and more the fact that people are looking for a perfect match when such a thing doesn't exist. You need to cast a wide net, and find the spark. Then it is all about working hard at the relationship over the long term.
You hit the nail on the head. The dating apps just exacerbate pre-existing tendencies within shallow individuals the same way people 'misbehave' online when they are 'anonymous'. There is NO perfect person in this world, and what people are seeking is that 'high' of meeting someone new. Everything is 'perfect' but it's the high kicking in. Eventually, the human is - surprise - human and not perfect. We run to the next option because dating apps allow people to engage in 'dating' with zero effort. No fear of rejection (as in face-to-face) and little risk/reward. As a guy, I've seen a lot of profiles of some women that I just walk away from. There are great people out here, but the same way as fire, dating apps just need responsible usage...but when publicly traded companies are behind these platforms...well...you know they'd rather keep a lifelong subscriber. How to do that? Endless options and focusing on the surface-level connections versus the meaningful ones. It can work, if you make it work.
Dating apps has destroyed dating. Back in the day (I am 49 now) we dated within our social and famial (family oriented) groups so we all knew each other so you would date your best friend's sister or marry the guy you went to sixth form college etc. We all knew each other and always looked out for each other as a result even if things didn't work out. Even if you didn't meet someone in the ways described above, you would need social skills and many to make it work. - you would actually need to go out and meet people. young people these days seem to lack even them too as social media has taken even them from them. Was hypergamy a 'thing' back in the day? sure, but the women back in the day knew they would have to be more sophisticated and intelligent- More powerful - more feminine. Nowadays everyone is hypergamous with ideas and expectations well and truly above their station. everyone is replaceable in this slave new world and this clearly weighs in on the psyche of young people. never has a generation so obsessed with identity been so lacking in personality. No wonder they think gender is like Heinz (it has 53 different varieties) - it is just their way of trying to look unique whilst remaining resolutely conformist to appease their peers. I have had my fun but glad I am too old for dating now. I don't envy the youngsters still searching for 'love' at all.
Dating is better now. Imagine being stuck with some loser for life just because pure chance put them in your social circle. Meanwhile the perfect person could be a mile away, but you would never have the opportunity to meet them.
Remember how in the 1980s your friend would say "that girl LIKES you" and that meant you could basically do no wrong, for at least 2 months. Now they find out you voted for Trump and it's over in 1 minute. When we met someone who gave us their number they were usually really excited to go out and on their best behavior. Now you need to be a male model just to get to the point where she nags you.
@@alex.datepsych Dating is better FOR WOMEN now. A guy has to be an 8.5 or higher to not be called ugly. A girl has to be a 3.9 or better, or possibly just a 2 or better. The average Tinder date features a girl who is a 6 sharing a man who is a 9.25 with SEVEN other women. THAT is why she's too good for you now. That's why girls at the grocery store scowl at you if you make eye contact. This is not better. PS - how old are you? I'm 51.
80/20 is not a conspiracy. I've seen it in my personal experience. I've seen the difference of how my friends were treated when I was in the 20 and they were in the 80. And I've seen the remarkable difference in how women treat me now that I'm in the 80. Just a little bit of hair thinning and 15lbs is all it takes to notice a night and day difference. It's real, and it's backed up by studies.
@@WillThat I think Jordan Peterson said that. Crazy statistics 😯 I just wish all these dating apps would show their numbers out to the public so people would know the truth.
You can’t beat good old traditional values. Modern notions about what makes a good relationship are toxic. To a certain extent you have to believe in the institution of marriage itself. Because sometimes your spouse will be less than perfect and so will you. And that’s what marriage is for. To make it more difficult to give up on one another. Because at some point everyone will want to. I’ve been married 17 years to my high school sweetheart. We dated 2 years and didn’t have sex until marriage. We have very stereotypical gender roles. I cook, clean, raise the the children. He works outside the home, pays the bills, fixes the cars etc. We mostly get on great! But during hard times we remember our vows, we think of our children, we fake it till we make it. In the end it’s the struggling through things together that has made for the strongest bond.
@@clementinedippeldapp6899 love in relationships is riled by oxytocin for binding and is biological where as friendships takes more work in the sense that people aren't as driven to make it work.
The biggest problem with dating apps is if a guy does successfully get a match which is hard, and she actually replies which is hard, and she actually agrees to go on a date which is hard, 9 times out of 10 that same girl will be dating numerous other guys and then just ghost the ones she doesn't like (perhaps understandably as some guys may react badly). One of my best friends recently found a girlfriend on dating apps and she admitted she was dating 8 guys at the same time and then chose the one she liked most. 7 guys who went on a date (most likely paid) and had no idea what was wrong, maybe felt a connection and then it's all over. It's a recipe for mental illness. For context, he was dating her for 2 months at that stage and she had been dating the same 8 guys for 2 months. No girl would accept a new guy she is dating doing that after 4, 5, 6 dates. i dont care what they say. And I know the comments will be like but but but men... No. Its not the same. Only 1% of men can do this. 99% of women can on these apps.
@@Opal5674 We both know that the pool of men who can do that is way, way smaller than the pool of women who can. Men swipe on roughly half of all profiles therefore any average or above woman can date multiple men.
@@Opal5674 a tiny amount of men are able to. Most guys I know get 1 match every 2 weeks or less. The problem is basically every girl can. It's not illegal but the point is the men are always competing at every stage and women have all the power. If a guy doesn't like his date, she will date someone else pretty soon. That guy may not date anyone else for months. I know so many guys who have become depressed after using dating apps and also know many who refuse to use them as they say they can't take the ego hit
@@TobyRoberts I dont really blame them. It's just now days woman cam take care of themselves so we don't have tonsell our bodies for a roof and food. That means the guy has to bring a bit more in to make dating worth her trouble.
@@Opal5674 yes it's not womens fault and men would do the same given the same opportunity, but they won't have the same opportunity which is why it's a recipe for disaster for men's mental health. Women simply will never understand how lonely men can be. Women may hate getting dms, messages from creepy guys, wolf whistled etc but there are guys who would live their whole life feeling absolutely invisible.
The way he talks about the female experience in modern dating falls flat for me…that may be the experience for hyper feminine, beautiful women on the apps. But if you’re just a regular OK looking woman, it can also be a frustrating experience. Lots of guys looking for hook ups, commitment phobes, cheaters, and an element of shallowness baked in
@@mrdouche9172 your name is fitting at least. This idea you have is a caricature and doesn’t fit my experience at all. Maybe people don’t want to go out with you because you are rude.
Dating apps are terrible for the majority of men, especially Tinder. Research has shown that women only swipe right on about 5% of men and men swipe right on about 50% of female profiles. Plus the fact that there are over 3 times as many men on dating apps than there are women. Women are pickier in general anyway, this is biological as they have to be. Also once your profile has recieved significantly more no's than yes's ie more left swipes, then you go to the bottom of the Algorithms whereby your profile cannot even be seen by the vast percentage of women on tinder. This is messing with mens self esteem where even good looking guys feel ugly on tinder as about 5% of the men are getting about 90% of the female attention. Even obese women on these dating apps get more validation than a guy in shape. This is hypergamy on steriods where only men who are considered elite are given the time of day. As a guy whos relationship ended just before lockdown, I find that approaching women in real life and being courageous is a far better alternative, whether at a bar, coffee shop or even just walking down the street and seeing a woman you want to speak to, or at a social group or event with a shared interest. There are so many men who believe that women have no interest in them whatsoever, due to these apps. Real connections are dying off due to these apps and I would rather be authentic and courageous and speak to women in real life despite the rejections I will and have inevitable gotten. There is no incentive for a hot young woman to ever approach a man due to these apps, the reverse doesnt work for most men and as a result, you are seeing far more involuntarily celibate men, many who are just lacking connection and confidence and are not even that unnatractive.
Estimates gathered from people who downloaded their Tinder data and posted it on social media suggests the number may be as low as 1% of men. In terms of meeting people online, that is becoming riskier as time goes on with the social stigma of asking women out in public and forthcoming laws which will make unwanted attention and communication a criminal offence.
@@Opal5674 Thats the truth. Which is why I do not use dating apps anymore and instead approach women in real life. Especially as we came out after lockdown and my relationship ended. Every time I would either finish work or be on my lunchbreak in my city I would make it a mission to chat to 1 random woman I found attractive. This massively changed my dating life as the chances of being approached and asked out by women on a regular basis is extremely low and I can count on 1 hand how many times this has happened to me.
As someone who has absolutely no interest in dating sites, I can understand men going on them to get a bit of “no strings attached fun", but - and this might be just me - half the women on them sound like Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction??
Dating apps certainly made me depressed. Single for 30 years, average looks, have a fun but introverted personality, good hygiene, couldn't find anyone for 3 years on 5 different dating apps. For awhile, I thought I really was just that undesirable. And then I found out, A LOT of other guys are having the same problem. What's worse, it was the types of guys I thought *shouldn't* be having any problems. Then I started reading about why. As a straight guy, there are always twice as many men as women on any giving dating app. So to start, it's not that she doesn't want you, _she can't even see you_ depending on how its set up. And half the time, all she'll get to see is a photo. Then there's the fact that 80-95% of people will just outright find you unattractive from the picture and just move on.
@@monikagolab8892 no advice is as helpful as it could be if it’s biased. I’m 10 minutes in and already he’s misrepresented a couple of situations in ways that seem intentional. Either that or he hasn’t thought through the issue enough to be speaking publicly and giving advice to people about it
You should improve yourself to get a better quality partner. When you have improved yourself you are under no obligation to date someone you deem low quality. Women are exposed to plenty of shit telling them they aren't good enough as well. Quit pity city, it's not a competition
After about three years of online dating, I walked away. Too many narcissists, romance scammers, sex offenders, still marrieds, etc. I’d rather get out and meet people in person while I’m living life!
I have never online dated before and it sounds so miserable. My friend called it "sailing on a rudderless ship in a sea of boners". Ha ha! I'll take real life too, pick up on vibes and chemistry and you can see if they are a nice person pretty quickly.
@@misslinda772 that's what men have to deal with as well. Make a fake man profile on tinder and see what its like to be a guy on dating apps. You cry about plenty of options but none that fit your needs. Most of men cry because they dont even have options.
We have a society which is profoundly lonely, profoundly isolated and simply unable to communicate in the way that previous generations could. We have also made an idol of relationships. Dating apps reduce everyone to a superficial construct. This is bound to cause significant social problems and lead to a lot of personal unhappiness
Married 35 years... I can't even imagine dating in today's world... a full psych evaluation would be my no. 1 requirement today... seems to be A LOT of SINGLE CRAZIES these days... 🇺🇸
I am a widow.Decided to stay single,. witnessed some of my pals go through horror & heartache per these dating apps. Thanks for this post,. Very interesting. 👍💃💕🤗
the problem with dating apps is that the metrics/KPI are too reductivist. age, pic, height, etc. those are all part of a tapestry ,but if the other parts of the tapestry aren't / can't even be represented/shown on the app, then what else do people have to go by? What becomes the key performance indicators will become over-important
in my experience they guys who get blown out on apps get blown out in real life also, the whole 'internet dating is not real life' is ego defense. show me a guy who gets blown out on apps but actually has real choice irl
i haven't watched this yet, but I watch all the trigger videos. I don't want to assume what this is about til I watch, but I do think that dating apps are very similar to all things today where we want instantaneous gratification; somehow the idea of more is better, more choice, have it now, immediately with limitless options. The inherent problem with this (among others) is that most things that we value and appreciate in life do not come easily and do require effort. And maybe the level of output (effort) is proportional to how much we value and appreciate the thing we acquired and vice versa.
I'm 53, now divorced after 20+ yrs of marriage. Never been on a dating app as I believe in natural attraction. Sadly the pandemic kind of killed it for me to the point where I really dont care anymore. My daughters keep asking when I'm going to start dating and dont get why I say probably never.
Can i talk to you about all these issues? i don't want to bother you if you don't want to talk about it but it seems from what u wrote that u have more knowledge about these stuff than i do
When I was post divorce in around my 40's I tried dating sites for about 5 years, thinking there would be someone realistic like me out there that actually wanted to make a real relationship having reflected on the mutual mistakes, a bit wiser and wanting a better outcome... not the case, all I found were 99.8% of men who used it as a cornucopia of sex options like those windows in Amsterdam, who had no interest at all in getting to know you or desiring a future partnership and were always thinking about the next new more attractive option to screw and frankly it's not like these guys were any film stars. Btw I was self employed and doing decently and wasn't looking for a stupid millionaire, but just a regular Joe to have a partner to share the rest of my life with. At the end of those 5 yrs I gave it up as a total waste of my time and energy.
I don't get the criticisms levelled against the manosphere and pick up artists. I was a virgin at 23 whose only kiss was a girl feeling bad for me when I was kissless at 17. The Red Pill community told me that its my fault and within my power to fix it. It told me that the reason women aren't attracted to me is because of biology and I should no more hate them for it than I should expect to be hated for finding slim women attractive. It told me to lose weight, lift, read more philosophy, educate myself, learn better social skills including some basic pick up artistry so I could at least overcome approach anxiety, I did all those things and was no longer a literal handholdless virgin before I was 24. I think people conflate not liking the cold hard truth about what's effective with being bad in someway. I wish my parents and grandparents had been right. There's no pill more bitter to swallow than the red one, and it fucking sucked having to realise I was basically a worthless bottom feeder with literally nothing to offer (because "nice" doesn't cut it), but the fact is, what I learned was true, and I'm now so much a better person for it. This guest is far more reasonable about "the manosphere", but he still seems to view it as a negative thing. Who knows, maybe I just didnt go deep enough into it and I'm wrong. But all I saw was men being father figures to other men telling them to sort their shit out, and that yes women are hypergamous, yes women are attracted to money, but that it's natural, rooted in evolutionary biology, and that its up to the men to become what the women are hard wired to want, not for women to change to want low value men who offer nothing.
James is full of BS He isn’t formost a journalist, he’s a propagandist, he’s on a crusade for the far left and now trying to appeal to the angry young men without pissing of the feminist. He was much more open about his woke views at Chris Williamsons podcast, after reading the comments there he now hides his true colors even more. James wants to appeal to the incels, thats why it's negative and thats why he's here.
In realistic contemporary terms, they are presumably only offended by whites exclusively dating other whites. Any other mix is considered wonderful, stunning, brave, etc.
From what I've seen of most women my age (42) on dating sites is that their expectations are completely unrealistic. How they have time to sleep I don't know. Their list of likes and hobbies is exhausting just to read. Everything is on there from parachuting to knitting and always includes the gym and jogging. Most of their pictures are from expensive holiday locations and the men they like have to be rich with a body like Christiano Ronaldo, a face like Tom Cruise and can cook like Gordon Ramsay. Well, if a man really is all that, he's either already married or dating a 22yr old beauty queen. Another thing I've noticed is that older women aren't quite as left-wing as the younger ones. If you're not a 100% physical specimen and loaded your wasting your time on dating sites.
Unfortunately women have been told that they are just as, if not more desirable at 40 than at 20 and most have been told that they don't have to offer a man anything; everything is about what he offers her. Truth is that most men can't be bothered jumping through all the hoops required to meet a crazy list of demands for the sake of someone way past their prime and often with a highly questionable attitude and past.
Men might have sex with a 42 yo woman. But her eggs are past their used by date. Unless a man is looking for a step mother for his existing children, women over 35 are not likely to provide children. This is biological reality.
The first thing that has to be understood about dating apps is that gender dynamics result in males being required to give massive amounts of labour for the smallest amount of interactions, related to females having no incentive to be active and passively reacting to the masses of attention, thus masses of options, thus radically increased pickiness. All at the same this same dynamic results in the inverse for males: reduced options, reduced standards. In effect it results in a platform which works for almost all females and the tiny fraction high value males that they are having the interactions with, at the expense of most males. The fact that online dating is what people do now to find relationships is the reason why we are beginning to see a significant fraction of males growing up lonely, sexless, bitter and resentful, with all manner of unforeseeable dysfunctional societal manifestations. Tragically this wouldn't be ignored as an issue if females were the victim of it
You’re clearly speaking from experience (or are just very perceptive). I did the apps for a while and that was my exact take away. The standard of women interested on the apps is waaaaaaay lower than the women I’d met and dated out in the real world. Also the lack of effort that comes from them having an insane amount of perceived interest is ridiculous. I say perceived because if these top tier guys actually wanted to date them the girls wouldn’t be on the app, but because they might get matches and one or two messages off these guys they believe that’s their ‘league’. It’s messing up the whole dating landscape. Oh and also not to forget the amount of women who are on there just to get their ego stroked and have no real intention of dating anyone.
@@JeffCaplan313 What? sexual inequality? Umm I think orgasm inequality is way more damaging but most men don't seem to understand how problematic that can be until women just stop sleeping with them.
My recent ex had two sisters and both got first time pregnant in 2021. So she got baby fever and suddenly "wanted kids someday" as a New Year's resolution. I've never wanted them so we broke up in Jan after two years. A few months ago I started going on Tinder and Bumble because women are way less approachable since Covid. I've never dealt with this many flakes or attn seekers in my life! On a positive note I am getting a lot of matches and numbers. But it's been one of the following consistently : 1) No intent of meeting anyone and just wants to sext on the app. 2) Giving a number but pulling "I don't know" in regards to availability. 3) Actual plans are made but canceled day of usually 1-2hrs before.
I met my wife from match. Been together 10 years and counting, two kids. I was on the site for a year and half, off and on, before meeting her. She was on the site not even 24 hours before I messaged her.
That's great. I was always skeptical of dating apps (not around when I was dating). But my daughter was the same as your wife ... She found a fella very quickly (on Hinge , not Tinder) and they're together a year this month and going strong! If you are compatible it doesn't matter where you meet.
I met the father of my children on a local bulletin board in 1991. We were married for 10 years. I've done my dating app thing. No man is ever going to find me there and I'm certainly not going to scroll through hunting for them. How boring is that?
I think that a date via an online app would feel like an excruciatingly awkward, embarrassing cross between a sex-audition and a job interview. Plus, the whole thing would make me think that we were both declaring how lonely and needy we were, almost desperate. I couldn't enjoy a normal conversation when the premise was so humiliatingly stilted and artificial. You get so many nutters online, all dishonest and most with raging personality disorders. I'm not on any kind of social media, except for random appearances in the RU-vid comment sections. :)
I've just turned 30 and have been on dating apps in between several relationships since I was about 23. This podcast gave voice to many of the thoughts I've had about the detrimental impact it has on how people view relationships. It's so easy to throw away a good thing when you believe someone better is only a swipe away.
Thank God I'm married. I often kiss my husband's dear little noggin and sigh, 'thank GOD for you. I imagine being single and having to deal with online dating apps and y'know, humanity in general when it comes to the ghastly process of trying to find romantic love in life." What a horror show in 2022, no matter what age you are. This was a fantastic interview and a thoroughly fascinating topic to explore. Thank you all so much.I really enjoyed it.
@@missphilosophie The entire comment section on this video is excellent. I literally made a bowl of sweet & salty popcorn and scrolled through it for a full half hour. I love reading about other people's candid life stories and lingering questions.
Met my ex wife on a dating app 12 years ago. They were fairly new and people were genuinely interested into meeting other people. My marriage was ruined because it was one "just a friend" guy after another she'd pick up off social media. Dating since separating has been a living hell. Dating apps are full of social media solicitors, scammers, and bots. The actual women I match with usually just want to be pen pals for a few days before ghosting.
loved this episode, the discourse was similar to conversations i have had with friends and i genuinely laughed out load at how accurate this statement was: 'women just want an attractive man they can talk about Marxism with' haha. On a serious note, unfortunately dating apps have contributed to us subconsciously viewing others through the lens of consumer capitalism and treating them as if they were disposable. In a world where you can press a button and have food delivered to your door or a taxi outside, people are less inclined to put as much effort.
What is wrong with having preferences; we all have them. Racial/ethnic preference doesn’t mean bigotry or racism. Men in particular are visually stimulated. It’s the first thing that attracts you to the person. It makes sense that dating apps have these filters. You go on dates because of looks and once you meet you decide if they are compatible from an intellectual way.
15 years ago I met the love of my life on POF. It never had pics. We chatted , we eventually dated. I was in my 30's at the time. I feel bad for young men in this over-teched world.
It’s annoying that all videos on RU-vid about dating apps seem to be about the problems faced by men. These apps are terrible for women too. A few thoughts, speaking as a bisexual woman aged 39 looking for a relationship with either a man or woman: - The apps are gamified and encourage people of both sexes to take a transactional approach to human beings and keep swiping and collecting likes or matches without forming a relationship. - I intentionally try to only swipe right on someone I would want to actually meet, and not get too many matches at once. I almost always send the first message and ask a question. When someone responds I always reply quickly. Often my first messages are ignored, or someone simply stops responding in the conversation. - Women in particular often do not respond to my first messages. I feel sympathy for the men on this one. It’s a blow to one’s self-esteem to shoot your shot and try and start a conversation with an attractive woman, only to be met with silence with no explanation of why, and to have this happen repeatedly. - Men are more likely to respond, but the men I match with (most of whom are not rich or 6’ tall, by the way) are still extremely flaky. Most often, I will initiate the conversation and ask an engaging question, we’ll chat a bit, and they’ll eventually stop responding and never ask me out. If they are in the minority and they actually do ask me out, often they will flake out before plans are confirmed, or even the day of. This doesn’t always happen but it happens often enough. - In general, men misunderstand the 80/20 thing. Women do not have ridiculously high standards. The harsh truth that the average woman is more desirable than the average man. And men are more motivated to have sex, which skews things further. But while men will lower their standards (at least for sex), women will only date men who meet at least a bare minimum standard. The first standard, as the guest mentioned, is will this guy rape or murder me or not. Sex and relationships for women always come with the fear of physical harm, death, and pregnancy. Can men stop being horny and entitled for a second to try and understand what that’s like? That fear is constantly in our minds and that is the real biggest reason women are far less promiscuous than men: we never know who is going to rape or murder us. And beyond that, what if you risk getting raped or murdered and have sex with a guy who turns out to be an asshole who doesn’t care at all about your pleasure or feelings? That sucks too. So women are always going to engage in more vetting than men to avoid those scenarios. Second, women who went to college or graduate school are not going to want to date guys who only have high school diplomas. This is a HUGE reason for the 80/20 split, because men are lagging in educational attainment behind women. Sorry bro, but a female lawyer or doctor most likely does not want to date a male car mechanic or IT guy. Educational attainment isn’t just about class either-it’s about interests and having common values and similar lifestyles. Women want to date men who share common interests and values-in America, a woman who is liberal is never going to date a man who supports taking away her right to have an abortion or who thinks it’s fine and dandy for regular citizens to be able to purchase an AR-57 more easily than getting a driver’s license. Finally, more and more women are realizing they would rather be single than date porn-addicted guys who subject them to violent and dangerous sex like choking, and who don’t care at all about their pleasure or feelings. (Or who have consumed so much porn they can’t even function at all sexually anymore.) In conclusion, dating apps suck for everyone and bring out the worst in people of both sexes. Yes there are sex imbalances, but they suck for both men and women. And men who are pissed about not getting dates should really understand that they are not owed a girlfriend by society, and should actually take the advice to focus on leveling up themselves, and also learning how to treat women well, rather than pining for a bygone era of arranged marriages and women’s economic dependency on men. And my message to every single person on dating apps is to be more selective/intentional in your swiping and show up and be present and responsive with your matches and get offline into the real world as quickly as possible, and don’t take it personally when people are flakes or when you get rejected.
Honestly the reason everything is about men is because for the last decade everything in this realm has been about women. I'm not saying this to be bitter mostly as a matter of fact acknowledgement that this is a component of the inevitable cultural backlash against feminism. Unfortunately in many ways its probably only going to get worse if things don't balance out
@@monikagolab8892 I think I should clarify then what I mean perhaps my comment was a little vague. The better way to put it was that content focusing on women their problems and framed in the lense of feminism was largely praised by the population at large or at least presented to your average person by what ever means as something to celebrate, focus on or take with the utmost seriousness. While the opposite was true for any content or idea that presented an alternative or opposition to the feminine framing of reality. Just think about how Jordan Peterson was pilloried for basically saying reasonable things or how Casy Jay's movie the red pill was literally canceled in theaters and protested while things like #girlboss was trending and being celebrated on Twitter.
Go watch Kevin Samuels RIP. Most women thinking they are beyonce / Kim Kardashian etc when they are average looking. But you make a lot excellent points too
I know plenty of attractive women on the apps that have trouble getting dates. Yes they get a lot of matches but most the men don't respond, send one message then disappear, or get sexual in their messages right away which is a turn off Also the self esteem on a lot of men is horrible. The minute they get a chance with a nice lady then sabotage in someway either by saying something stupid or focusing too much on trying to find something wrong with her instead of just getting to know her as a person So it's not all unicorns and flowers on the women's side either. We have trouble finding men who actually treat you as human instead of some creature "out of their league" Everyone is struggling with them 💛💛
lots of women also just don't talk on the app. It's about the dopamine of getting the match, not about having actual conversations. What is stopping those attractive women from starting a conversation themselves? They both swiped right so you would expect a mutual interest. Also when you have a list of 20+ matches you're obviously not going to be able to respond to everyone, that goes for both men and women. The problem is when the attractive women lose the focus and don't really know what they want anymore. They aren't capable of getting a legit connection with someone, because it's just match number 107, while for him it might be the only match in a week.
@@hellgast0 I totally see that too. I encourage women to be more interesting in their conversation and to display mutual interest if it's a guy that's trying to connect with them. Both genders need help 😆
Yes it’s nonsense every non famous or rich guy knows he’s never getting near 10s. The average male will struggle profoundly scraping the bottom of the barrel on tinder
The height thing is becoming one of the most comical thing ever, I swear. You have girls at 5'1 or 5'2 dissing guys at 5'6-5'12 for being too short. Tinder poisons ones mind. And what's even more tragic is you have girls who never cared about height, but when they start seeing other girls having the 6 feet rule, they will start applying it themselves just because everyone else have it.
@@monikagolab8892 I can understand height issues when there is an extreme too it. I'm a guy at around 5'7 and a girl at 6'1 would feel strange. But i wouldnt care at all if the girl was 5'8, 5'9 or 5'10. But whats strange with tinder (from my observation) is girls at 5'2 will diss a guy at 5'7 for being too short, while girls at 5'8 have no problem with the guy being 6 feet. Same difference between the female and male heights, but the 6 feet is mroe acceptable.
Mr Bloodworth mentioned that women can feel that there is an implicit 'threat of violence' as men are generally stronger. It could be said that men could feel the implicit threat of being accused of sexual assault or worse could end up being 'Bobbitted.'
Not to mention also that men were always stronger than women and some past times were much more brutal, uncivilized or even violent than today. And yet it is today that women suddenly became conditioned to feel afraid of men. Something doesn't add up.
I disagree with some of what you said here, for instance I don’t think there’s anything wrong with seeking out partners that share the same beliefs as you do, in fact I think that’s pretty healthy. I’m a young conservative woman and me an my partner align on everything, that gives me peace of mind for when we eventually have children and I know we won’t be butting heads on every decision. Imagine finding out down the road that actually you disagree on fundamental principles.
Everyone tapping on smartphones with earbuds walking under trucks are sweeping left and right. Anyone remember going to the best partys on 2 busses after meeting girls/boys in record shops with listening booths. Then trying to get home before the Sun comes up.
I had poor social skills/high anxiety while I was in school. And the thought of dating my peers in college freaked me out in case things went poorly and became awkward… Now I work 50 hours a week and have no dating skills whatsoever. Online feels like my only option at this point, but it seems that’s a bad idea too. :P
I find these conversations very helpful to me and actually reassuring. I've been off and on dating apps as most people in my age/ generation and I thought I was under performing but now I'm realising how good I've had it compared to most men, having experienced much conversation, even slept with a few women from the apps and been on dates, I'm yet to find a real relationship from it but that is I think to do more with the propagandised notion of casual dating from these apps, so often you'll go from the first choice and get the individuals full attention till some guy with a nicer car or more money comes along. It is very hard to compete with that success fantasy that these social media apps create and make people think what they're life is supposed to be. Love this interview lads, keep up the good work!
I had high expectations for this episode but was very disappointed. This guy has only scratched the surface of this subject. I knew that he didn't really understand what is happening in the manosphere as soon as he started talking about misogyny. Then he didn't understand how the pareto principle applied to dating apps. It's not just 80/20 over all men and women; even amongst the top 20% of men the pareto principle applies so that only the very best looking men get attention from women. Look for the okcupid survey which shows that women consider 80% of men "below average", if you can find it because they deleted it as it hurt their business model. Then he makes the statement that black pillers only concentrate on looks. This is incorrect. Look for the RU-vid channel LMS (Looks, Money, Status). Then he agrees with the statement that black pillers expect to get a '10'. This is absolute nonsense. They would be delighted with someone of equal looks, but those women are just not interested. See the above mentioned channel for details. Next time get someone who actually knows what they are talking about please.
Exactly. He also don't fully mention the full implication. Women has it 'easy' in terms of getting sex in their prime, but their unrealistic expectation (mostly caused by dating apps, social media and not exactly of their own fault), also make it so that they go way past their prime and still not settling for someone actually in their league. It's a lose lose situation. The 5% of realistic women and the 10% of top guys might be getting the benefit of social media and dating apps. The rest are all screwed basically.
He needs to focus on one sex’s experience at a time. When he went in on men and misogyny it seemed so lazy and he’s just repeating the trope. He’s clearly applying the cuddle-fish method Douglas Murray talks about that heterosexual men do by pandering and signaling empathy towards women so they get lucky. He has no empathy towards men and the incels he says he’s befriended. He should try to find the origins of said misogyny and I bet they didn’t start from the aspect of dating the opposite sex. It begins from how different boys and girls are raised way before adolescence.
James is full of BS He isn’t formost a journalist, he’s a propagandist, he’s on a crusade for the far left and now trying to appeal to the angry young men without pissing of the feminist. He was much more open about his woke views at Chris Williamsons podcast, after reading the comments there he now hides his true colors even more.
"... if you don't know how to present yourself, if you don't have an online brand or something and can't sell yourself very well like that..." "... it's all about presentation... you could be a great person... you could just not be photogenic, for example, which is kind of a real thing... and you just don't know how to present yourself in this new digital world through a screen, you don't have someone who can take photos of you... you just don't understand that vocabulary of how to do that..." This is such an important point! Glad to hear someone say it finally. I'm really uncomfortable in front of a camera --- it's something I probably should have worked on years ago but it's still unresolved. I also just didn't have friends where we were taking photos of each other all the time. It really felt like I would have to stick my neck out and risk looking self-centered or desperate if I started asking my friends to take photos of me --- that didn't help either. My wife had this problem as well. Her Tinder profile photos were not good photos of her at all --- I swiped right! But she's actually a beautiful woman. I have some photos of her from our time together that I absolutely love and feel are really flattering, and she has taken a few nice photos of me as well.
Specialty dating sites are better, such as farmers looking for wives or people with certain hobbies seeking people with similar interests. Church young adult groups, community organizations and taking a year off to volunteer may be good ways to meet people. Some of the best matches I've heard of are Mennonite young people who volunteer for a year at a home for retarded adults or an old folks home for Amish and Mennonites. The young people are the real character of the other people. They aren't allowed to date until the volunteer period is over, but when it is over, the dating behind and eventually the weddings. Secular society has too much preoccupation with looks and romance. Young people need to see one another under atress, and they need to know one another's families well. People need to look for character qualities that age well. Dating apps are too much like shopping and don't let people get to know the person well before beginning a romance.
Tried dating apps for 6 months, hated it. It felt like shopping and removed any kind of humanity in the interactions. It felt awkward and forced and very superficial. I'd rather meet someone naturally or stay alone than go shopping for a potential life partner.
The last part where you talk about women not being superficial and looks aren't important is a myth that gets constantly revived. Just look at the numbers that Tinder itself publishes and you can see how superficial and how correct a lot of the arguments are from those bad, bad blackpillers. Tiner is a wonderful example how the majority of women are when they think no one watches. Sure, ask them and probably everyone will tell you that they don't care about looks and compare that to situations when you see them when they think no one is looking. Being a gay man with quite a lot of female aquaintances I can safely say I never heard so much objectification from hetero men than I've heard from hetero women.
Looks totally matter to me as a woman if I'm gonna do right by my partner in bed, which is a huge part of relationship satisfaction. Whoever (women in particular) says they don't matter, is a lying sack of shit.😂😂
But isn’t it that women who go on dating apps are more superficial than those who don’t? Also to add, for many women it’s reactionary, because men always treated us like pretty objects. I am not on the apps but I did have a phase where I talked about men in such a way - out of anger. But I never actually applied that to my dating at all. It was always just personality, any guy who actually looks objectively handsome is usually not that interesting sorry 😬
I'm 34 and I've been single for 10 years now. I'd love to have a girlfriend and perhaps kids in the future but my time is running out. It feels like I've missed out on years of romance and a chance to create happy memories with someone. I've tried Tinder, Bumble and Hinge and I'm not getting past a first date. By definition I'm an Incel but I don't identify with guys like Eliot Rogers who I see as weird. I see myself as a decent guy whose not bad looking, with a good job and decent values. The dating scene is so frustrating and depressing
Singles speed dating nights and in person events might be worth a go? Me and a good portion of my female friends aren't interested in dating apps and alot want to meet potential partners organically, so there is possibility a bigger shift in people wanting this.. I've started getting out more and joining groups /hobbies I'm interested in and talking to more people. My brother has also started doing that and noticed more success in getting dates than dating apps 😊
@@oaktree2254 thanks for the suggestion! I’m a little socially anxious but willing to give this a try. How do I get involved? Is there a specific website to do the speed dating?
@@tman8897 I haven't been to a singles event yet, if you're in UK most cities have them I think. For me I've found that I've been meeting more people when walking my dog - single men (or just people in general) with friendly/cute dogs are more approachable... Apart from that I like the yt channel called social animal, might be helpful for social anxiety 🙂 His content shows how there are opportunities for connection everywhere
I can't but find it interesting that, in the dating scene, only men are told to "get better and be better". Women are perfect creatures that can do no wrong, is that it?
Women dis men for being narcissistic, but look at every woman on tic toc or Instagram that do nothing other than take selfies, post videos of themselves or chronically venting or complaining about what ever the flavor of the week is. Men are finally realizing that marriage is just a scam and it doesn't financially benefit them at all.
I’m in my 60s & I can tell you that dating was never easy ! Somebody like myself - an averagely pretty, size 14 short ass , was never going to be as popular as my taller, slimmer , prettier girlfriends & you have to be realistic about that without loosing hope that you will eventually meet that special person. I find his statement that ‘ getting dating advice from the older generation is useless’ quite ludicrous particularly given the context of toxic dating apps - I twice found love in circumstances when I was least expecting it - stay positive & always be ready to greet everyone you meet with an hello & an honest friendly smile.
I can tell you're female. I'm in my 50s and I can tell you it's WAY harder now. Want people to take advice from older people? Start giving good advice.
My brief trip through the online dating world was an experiment in terror! Lol Two years of swimming through a sea of narcissists, pathological liars, and sociopaths/psychopaths. I would rather chum shark infested waters and dive into the middle of a shark feeding frenzy than to ever repeat that experience again. The upside was I learned a lot about myself, learned to say no to toxic people, chose to focus on making myself happy, embraced my artistic side, and am now living alone and loving it. 😊🥳
@@JesusChrist5000 I’ve heard just as many horror stories about the women from my male friends. I think online dating has been overtaken by predators and the mentally ill. 🤪😂
I don't date because i've a long list of health conditions. I've tried relationships and every time they ended up resenting me for it. I was always honest and would say look lets just be friends because... big long list of health crap, they'd see it as a challenge 🙄🙈🙈 I never cared what peoples politics were, i was more concerned with if they were a decent person who's company i enjoyed.
I don’t know what your conditions are and I‘m truly sorry for anything that you are having to go through. And let me tell you: Meeting someone who also has health issues was so comforting. Different issues, but they knew what suffering meant. They had patience and understanding for me taking time for my health as well. Just the whole understanding that I‘m not being 'complicated', just not fully healthy. There is hope and I truly wish for you to not lose it :)
I think it would help if these big apps like Tinder actually spent some of their profits on local speed dating events in towns as well as cities and promote them because I truly think face-to-face is much more important than a bit of text and a photograph on a screen. You can't create emotion, reaction, body language, tone and ambiance on a screen....you can't hear someone laugh and/or watch and live with someone in the moment. They are so important. Speed dating and dating events are the way forward.
I was thinking of suggesting bringing back singles nights at my local pub, not with any activities planned, just to get people meeting in person again.
Speed dating has a very limited shelf life because it effectively uses the same matching technique as tinder. Run an event for 100 men and 100 women, and the vast majority of the women will only express an interest in the same handful of men, so the process will fail to result in many dates for most people.
The reality is social media has created what is now known as the global sexual marketplace. Women that had access to perhaps men in only their local region now have access to men across the country and across the world should they get attention from one's offering more than the other. Unfortunately you can't wish this away and it isn't going to change. All we can do as men is to self improve and gain knowledge of this new level of intersexual dynamics to use it to our advantage P.S. a great guest to talk to about this area is rollo tomassi who I'm sure would be able to break this down in better detail than this guest
Nonense we can easily pour this away by stopping using these apps and by digitally detoxing. I have it on quite good authority that women don't really want to meet men online, they'd rather be swept off their feet so to speak in real life. So no I don't agree that things cannot change, by all accounts they probably should.
I’m 19, I use dating apps on and off, my experience has been very disappointing. There is definitely something that is not fair about it, and at times it feels like your being gamed to keep liking and swiping and then being rejected or ghosted over again. It forces you to morph into someone your not for the sake of getting a match or like off someone, and even then it’s not guaranteed. I’m literally about five foot seven and every profile is something like “unless your 6ft don’t bother”, someone like me can’t compete with that.
@@louiseleite3866 Once upon a time a man getting rich meant lots of women. Not anymore. Now they #MeToo rich guys who aren't super good looking, and even Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates got screwed over by women.
@@louiseleite3866 I knew it. You're defending Amber Heard. Who cares if you mentioned money? Having money is greater than not having money. Great men are (wait for it) not broke. Fat chick alert.
the most important thing to realize about dating apps and tinder in particular is that they're male dominated with between 3-9 men for every woman. you shouldn't be surprised to have little to no success in such an environment and you're setting yourself up for failure by relying on them to meet women. even then I've never seen the 6 ft thing, at most I've seen I'm 5'9 or something so be taller than me one time
@@cripplingautism5785 No, Tinder is 62% men. That's 1.6 men for every woman, not 6 men for every woman. When you find yourself doing really poor math to justify female behavior, you might be a female. PS - I have never been on Tinder. It's like putting a Want Ad out on your genitals.
The objective stats are not on Bloodworth's side on this. The Genie isn't being put back in the bottle. If you just "go out and get off the app" you will find no one is there - this is coming from someone who is involved in tech but has never used a dating app.
Yep, the vast majority of women I see in my daily life either are openly hostile to being approached or have panic attacks just from greeting them. I was walking behind this one lady on the way into a store and she dropped her pepper spray. So i just can't help but put off creeper vibes or women really just don't want to be approached.
A big problem in dating, is that people have it psychologically ingrained in their heads that dating has a three month 'honeymoon' period, where they seem to force themselves to be more unfriendly around the other. Not because the novelty has worn off, because they're telling themselves the best bit is over, not striving to enjoy life.
James mentioned that incels think self improvement is a waste of time, crab mentality, only looks matter etc. Earlier they discussed online dating culture which is superficial, people only care about looks and treat each other as disposable. If men only meet women through online dating, then their interpretation that James described is true, in their world.
Even if you manage to meet someone, you still don't feel like you're worthwhile because modern dating has taken away everything that makes a relationship "special". I remember that a connection used to be a rare thing and it had so much more value, it was worth something and two people would grow together. Now with the internet in their pocket: they've dated lots more people than you, had more casual relationships than you, slept with more people and had more adventurous sex than you, had relationships with wealthier men than you and after enough time has passed have now learned to get over heartbreak more efficiently until it just becomes a minor inconvenience before moving onto you. Now, don't you feel special? Didn't think so and it's because we've reduced the complex and layered human being to a mere distraction or a tool for a free meal and a fleeting intimate encounter. The thing that makes your relationship with your partner unique is a dying. It's losing it's character because we are replicable and like a bell curve, the rate of loss is accelerating. It will be gone soon and it will chip away just another bit of magic that makes life worth living.
@@solarlight8411 everything social is as “made” as anything. But don’t fool yourself into thinking that this is “unnatural”. These dynamics reflect evolutionary advantages (good ol’ genes at the end of the day).
@@solarlight8411 it’s a new feature of the environment. It’s unnatural with respect to the past environment. The experiment is still new. Adaptation is still under way. But so is abundant food and resulting obesity. Older drives used to have counter responses. Now we’ve shortcut’ed the counter responses, so these drives are running open loop because they’ve been fine tuned to maximize a certain outcome. The losing of mind is a new resulting phenomenon (while the old genetic drive is running wild). Let’s see what the adaptation to that will be. Seems to be running slower than the fast DNA optimization (ie get it while the getting is good)
What are those of us who don't meet someone by accident supposed to do? And don't say join clubs. I've been in so many real life social groups I can't remember them all.
James is full of BS He isn’t formost a journalist, he’s a propagandist, he’s on a crusade for the far left and now trying to appeal to the angry young men without pissing of the feminist.
I feel the main problem in social media and online dating is that no one is given the tools to understand how to use it. The proverbial rulebook is something you either learn through mistakes/successes or somehow grasp through tentative means; assuming you ever do understand the online etiquette - which changes with the trends. Modernity and it’s conveniences is something we all will have to accept and live with. Whether we chose to utilise them or not is a personal choice, but it’s our responsibility to understand how to use the tools at our disposal. Its quite normal to ask for help or understanding when facing issues. That is where I feel social media or dating apps fall short- they are not helping/teaching.
Love this. Nobody has written anything remotely like this here in this comment section. I suspect you're one of those people who will always leave that totally unique perspective on a video which, again, nobody else has had or bothered to articulate in the comment section. Brilliant.
A lot of men have the misconception that women get lots of decent, suitable matches to choose from. I don't think we do, generally. Even attractive women don't. They get a lot of bad matches - men who... - are just after sex - who look as if they're married - look off-putting or dangerous - who've just swiped on them because they swipe on as many women the can - have various fetishes - look they they spend the majority of their time in the gym - are after suitable arm candy to their flashy lifestyle - look unhealthy - have almost nothing listed in their profile - say pretty sexist things in their profiles. And then there's all the men who are on the hunt for a woman at least a decade younger than themselves, so women get a lot of men who are 10-20 years older, maybe more. Out of all of those men, they have to select someone who looks fairly sane and who they might have a reasonably good time with on a date. If they're very lucky, that will progress to more than one date. If they're unlucky they might gain a stalker, be sexually assaulted, raped. Don't remember where I saw the stats, but 30% of online dates result in some kind of sexual abuse or assaults.
I'm 33 and I still don't have success with women. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 20. There's allot of scammers out there to. I've been scammed by a few women.
A particular problem here is that the personality characteristics that might lead a guy to conclude a lot of these things about dating/women are personality characteristics that women (and people, generally) don't find attractive. So, in a way, the men are right. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but they're right.
I went on a dating site for research for the play I was writing. I was looking at the increasing incidence of younger men dating older women. It was clear that a lot of young men enjoy the company of an older woman - yes an attractive one because the physical is important obviously - but there attraction increased because the women were at home in their selves, their bodies and were open about sex. They were not looking for a man to look after them or have their kids and they had enough experience and wisdom not to be judgemental. On the other hand It turned out that older men were on the whole only interested in much younger women. There has to be a modicum of physical attraction for a woman as there is for a man but in speed dating, it turned out that the women who had been attracted to the good looking guys but found them uninteresting didn't put them down for a date . However the men who were attracted to the beautiful but uninteresting women would ignore that and go on a date with them regardless. So that tells me that the the men were more concerned with looks rather than character, contrary to what was said in this interview. The real attraction for a half intelligent woman comes with the way the man behaves. Confidence is a huge pull as is a good sense of humour. Confidence because the instinctive response is that the man should be able to protect the female and humour can laugh a woman into bed.
How much opportunity did the women have relative to the men? Looks may be a prerequisite; but could men afford to be as picky as women and still have a chance at any dates?
@@NathanSmutz As older women they had less chance. You see way more younger women with older men. Society is still very queasy about older women going out with younger men .They almost immediately lose their attraction once their child birthing years are over whereas men can go on having kids way past their sell by date and can attract much younger women. Men might struggle with dating when younger but there are many many more older women on their own after a certain age than there are men and yes it seems men can afford to be pretty picky then. My brother is on his second wife who is once again 17 years younger than him. Go figure! However he did not meet either of them on a dating site.
@@mataform Hmm.. I was wondering if those speed-dating situations might be similar to the online dating dynamics. The observation was that, in speed dating women would probe for more details on a handsome man before agreeing to a date, and the observer was saying that men would give the green-light to anyone pretty. On dating apps, only a small fraction of men get regular matches, and the rest, who often can't get a reply on the rare match they get, might swipe more flagrantly out of scarcity, trying to make anything happen at all. Some prople make these Econ-like graphs showing women's attention and romantic opportunity front-loaded, as you observed, with lots during the late teans, peaking around 23 years old and a decline from there. Most men are, generally, seen starting out worthless and invisible with a slow climb in desirability as they gain wealth, refinement, etc. peaking somewhere in middle age. Those folks would say the late-thirties-to-mid-forties successful guy and the mid-twenties woman would be, in a way, in a similar league in terms of their appeal to each other. Of course there are drawbacks: being kinda old if your kids want to do outdoorsy things with you, not much life as a grampa. Folks are saying it has gotten more difficult for young men to marry young women and do the thing right.
Very interesting. This is seen all throughout history too: so many distinguished men (royalty etc) who would have women throwing themselves at them and could have the pick of the bunch, would instead deliberately seek out older, more mature women as their mistresses and companions and just be bored by the younger ones for various, almost obvious reasons. This video has THE BEST comment section! :D
I’m on a site now, it’s kind of excruciating. I’m 50 but still get a lot of likes and invites and a percentage of them are men in their 20’s and 30’s. My theory on this was they figured it would be easier since I was now in a devalued category. And of course, I can only assume that i would be thrown over in a moment if they got a bite from someone their own age…which is who they should be with in the first place. The whole thing is weird and unsettling. An objectively handsome man causes my warning system to fire off because, sorry just true, he’s a real rarity therefore likely to be juggling a large number of probably younger options. I feel there’s a sea of sadness, my own included, out there but everyone is using copywriting techniques to make them appear like desirable products. I don’t know how long I’m going to last on this thing but there are virtually no men my age in my workplace or social circle. This is what we’ve got.
I love the line "There's a SETTING for that, six foot and over..." This is guaranteed to only be an ego boost thing, if you're not tall enough yourself to be able to compare, would you have brought a ruler to the first date to check if he was tall enough for you? 100% just something to brag to friends about.
After your comments about lowering testosterone levels it made me remember a talk I saw where research had been conducted that showed that the proliferation of the contraceptive pill caused women to change their attraction (because of heightened progesterone levels) towards men with lower testosterone levels.
alot of our problems relate to a bizare worldview. Identity is a stupid marketing story. Idolotry is defined by something you worship (put your hope in) but slowly kills you. my friends are all part of a big church. It is amazing how their kids have grown up together and quite alot of them have eventually got married and now they are all havinng kids and growing up together (it isnt what you are thinking if you are) - it is an incredible healthy secure relational belonging environment. Also there is HUGE acountability. Everyone knows if you are unreliable etc. Time and lots of friendship! Sounds a bit old fasioned but it is quite amazing to see. They also believe in NOT HAVING SEX before marriage - funny but it results in strong trusting happy couples......
I keep thinking about trying a dating app again but I can’t bring myself to do it, never had a good experience in the past (once I actually met them several said were not looking for ‘anything serious’ even though I stated I was in my bio and one man was just angry and insulting all night once he knew I wasn’t going to put out) so just crossing fingers that I meet someone nice irl at some point!
@@freecomet But if there's such a thing as manifestation and synchronicity, then maybe we can attract what we put out there. I'm definitely one who wants to ensure the person is spiritually awake before having any intimacy with them. If not, they will destroy my auric field with their unprocessed emotions and other things. Can't be doing that. A few others believe that. Also, religious people who wish to remain celibate before marriage will also do the same.
I can't do it either. Going on a dating app is like putting a Want Ad out on your genitals. The fact women can do it AND act arrogant is astounding. They can't find ONE person who knows them to put up with them and have to resort to a computer app, then have an attitude when they should be ashamed.
Dating apps work a treat abroad, over here utterly useless, the women I've chatted to here in the UK have a very unrealistic tick list , I've now come off all dating apps
The guest Triggernometry had - the guy who is an academic expert on incels - pointed out that mediocre women, due to the nature of male sexuality, will occasionally have a one-night-stand with a 10/10 man and from then on completely overrate themselves (and from that point on consider only 10/10 men). This causes mass rejection of less-than-stellar men and leads to longterm spinsterhood for the women who overvalue themselves. Everybody loses except the app makers.
Is it my imagination, or does the word misogony get over used? It seems that generalising women (not good) or being at all critical equals misogony and I don't think that's at all helpful. I wish James had been called out on that little. If we were to use that rule with regards how our society talks about men and masculinity, we'd be using the word misandry in every sentence. As for the incel thing: It's cringe inducing, but I can see how they'd see that life is screwing them over and it is very easy for the rest of us to dump on them: The way things are going over all for younger men who are not hyper-successful is not at all positive and it seems to be getting worse.
James is full of BS He isn’t formost a journalist, he’s a propagandist, he’s on a crusade for the far left and now trying to appeal to the angry young men without pissing of the feminist.
The last time I used a dating app (about 5 years ago) I was shocked by how many young men approached me (I was in my mid 40s)... sometimes as young as 33. I always assumed it was a scam reply and ignored it, but I was set up on a blind date with a 35 year old guy (nearly 10 years younger than me) who looked like he was about 28, and when I joked that our meet up must have been switched by our friend, he said he was purposefully dating older women because he assumed they might be "more mature" and "ready to settle" for a "nice guy." As politely as I could, I said goodbye and left. That encounter really disillusioned me on the online dating scene... I'm not a statistic or a profile.
