The fact life is not complete unless we have a romance, is the single worst lesson Hollywood teaches us. It causes so much pain and suffering. The work has to be done on our own, single. Not to be saved by someone else. Amen brother.
Read ancient literature. It's full of cases where love is regarded one of the highest thing. "A husband and wife that truly love each other are the mightiest force in the world." Literally the Odyssey.
@@jaredmello Yeah you definitely did everything by yourself. It's not like you had parents or anything. Do you even know what love is? If people weren't so self centered, then relationships would work. But these days people are far more narcissistic than what they used to be, that's a fact. People only care about themselves
Perfect. I've been saying this for years. Most just call me a cynic. Drama/fighting isn't a sign of a good romance. It doesn't mean it's "passionless" when couples communicate healthily. Thanks.
Right. Stories are much more interesting when external forces that are relatively out of the character's control creates the conflict rather than the characters themselves causing drama because they're crappy people.
Xanthippus Facts and they say “art reflects life” well not everybody ends up in a romantic relationship with the love of their dreams. Hollywood and the RU-vid film community need to stfu about that. I mean people say Peter Parker is super relatable but he always gets these hot chicks who are way above his league, that usually doesn’t happen to every nerd that ends up a loser. And that’s why it’s irritating to watch every single movie, even ones I enjoy like Deadpool and Baby Driver have so much damn emphasis on romance that I can’t relate to and it’s frustrating where the majority praises and “relates to that”. One of the billion reasons I HATE Society and Humanity.
@@Seasonal-Shadow_4674 I hear you but one thing Peter Parker is actually Spider-Man so nerd or not that goes a long way. Either than that I get what you’re saying. I think once you take some emphasis off finding love like the movies push you’ll realize things tend to happen smoother you may actually stumble upon love
@@Juanderful1 I don’t say this often as much as I should, but I appreciate and respect your reply. Can you elaborate a little bit more on your advice if you don’t mind? Especially when connecting and viewing movies. And about Pete getting ladies cause he’s Spidey going a long ways.... well, I will have to respectfully disagree because in the early Lee/Ditko comics, he got Liz Allen’s attention and she had no idea about him being Spidey. Gwen Stacy never originally knew Pete was Spidey even after she died, and in Spectacular, Peter was mostly getting all the ladies, and nobody knew he was Spider-Man.
@@Seasonal-Shadow_4674 totally right I guess I’m referring more so to current movie adaptations of Spidey because comics is a whole different animal. Thanks for responding back. Is that what you were asking?
@@Seasonal-Shadow_4674 comics wise you’re right they had no clue so technically it shouldn’t matter but it does because regardless of them knowing, he still knows who he is and what he’s capable of. Being confident and believing in yourself can make a huge difference.
It doesn’t matter how something is intended it matters how people perceive it...it was meant to be a cautionary tale but the masses turned it into a romantic tale
My wife and I were watching some romcom and she asked why I and other men never pursue women like in the movie, because it's so romantic, and I tell her it's because we literally are told it's stalking and sexual harassment to ask more than once.
@@雯倩蕭 funny how men and women can look at the same movie in different ways(generalizing of course) for a lot of women it's one of their favorites, for men we see that dude as being desperate and a stalker.
I have busted into like 3 ex girlfriends weddings to tell them i want them back. Hasn't worked yet but i feel as if its all a numbers game and will work eventually.
My girlfriend of about 1 year broke up with me the other day. I cried about it to my friends, but surprisingly... I think it was a good thing, and I'm afraid to admit it to myself. This video I think made me finally realize that romance ISNT what movies make of it, and I think I surprised myself by realizing we're both in a better place as growing people.
@@liberpolo5540 we both agreed that marriage in its current form isn't a good thing, so I don't think we were going to get married ever, but I definitely saw myself spending the rest of my life with her, and while I hoped she felt the same, i guess I'm wrong in this case.
Hunter Korando Actually, I DO think marriage (being loyal to your love) is a precious thing, but it's SO much so that it should be treated with great caution and respect.
It is never too late to change.:) I find that when you get older more people begin to understand that love is about giving time and energy to someone selflessly. And not so much about a fickle amazing stomach feeling that you mostly get from people that end up hurting you.
I always say that the best way not to be influenced, is to know you're influenced. That's really a big step most people can't make ("well I, am not influenced by advertising AT ALL"). We are all easily influenced. Knowing that makes you notice why you have some stereotypes and how it could change your behavior. If you know it doesn't come from YOU, then it's totally different to your mind.
My friends too. When I told them that I don't want an engagement ring because I don't need it and I believe there are better ways to spend the money they were like: "don't say it to your boyfriend or he won't buy you a ring!!! Everybody wants a ring!" Also, apparently, the bigger and the more expensive ring he buys, the more he loves you 🤷
CrystalJo Yes. I couldn’t understand why people said they loved that film, and I wouldn’t press them for reasons. Love Actually, P.S. I love you, etc. I mean, for me personally, my favorite scenes from the romantic films that I could finish are between family, like Landon reconciling with his dad in A Walk to Remember 😭 Now that’s love!
Things that make me love my husband more - He tells me things I need to hear but don't want to hear - He tells me to call my mom - He challenges me and pushes me to do better - He supports me when I feel down - He helps me get perspective - He laughs and cries with me - Even when I'm complaining about my family he says "they will always be your family" (he doesn't agree with me just to please me) - he sent me a card, just to make me smile - he does chores because he truly believes that we share everything in life (not how I grew up) - he is radically honest, even if it hurts sometimes, because lying, cheating and hiding only lead to more hurt later
@@ironguide7096 maybe you read what you want to read. It's incredible arrogant to write something like that to a complete stranger, when you know literally nothing about my relationship with him. I started my comment with "things that make me love my husband MORE". This is not an exhaustive list. But I guess it made you feel superior, so go ahead and enjoy that
Thats popular lies. Todays culture and ecnomy is aimed at single person. Those sort of beliefs will be reinforced in the future. But you cant fool yourself.
i agree with most of your last comments, however reality has proven humanity feels loneliness when alone. ive been alone, living alone, working alone, for years. and i just want a friend. a romance would be nice, but a true friend would be great.
I was gonna comment on that part of the video. Humans are hardwired to be social. We usually crave company, relationships and intimacy. Being happy in yourself is great, but giving your best to someone else is what love is about
This is SO POWERFUL! So many of us don't realize how much our culture manipulates us to the point where we think that romance is everything. It's NOT! We don't need to make a scene to ask somebody out. We don't need to abandon our friends and family to have a serious romance. We don't need to be the dramatic badass to keep someone interested. And Yes, straight men and women CAN have deep friendships, and those who think otherwise are the ones who are easily swayed by hollywood. Great video, Charisma. I hope this gets millions of views.
Nomadic Mic Facts and they say “art reflects life” well not everybody ends up in a romantic relationship with the love of their dreams. Hollywood and the RU-vid film community need to stfu about that. I mean people say Peter Parker is super relatable but he always gets these hot chicks who are way above his league, that usually doesn’t happen to every nerd that ends up a loser. And that’s why it’s irritating to watch every single movie, even ones I enjoy like Deadpool and Baby Driver have so much damn emphasis on romance that I can’t relate to and it’s frustrating where the majority praises and “relates to that”. One of the billion reasons I HATE Society and Humanity.
There is a very beautiful Japanese poem from around the year 1000 that reads something like this: For your sake I was willing to lay down my own life, but being with you now makes me wish for long years together
@@Toppu It has no proper title, in Japanese it reads: "Kimi ga tame/oshikarazarishi/inochi sae/nagaku moganato/omawazarikeri" if I'm not mistaken. It is part of a collection of 100 poems called the "Ogura Hyakunin Isshu"
Such an abusive relationship - and then you have the badly-written former fanfiction of it, 50 Shades. Seriously, my ex-fiancé was just like Edward/Christian, except he was a 5 foot 8 inch tall overweight man that turned on the charm offensive. If said 50 Shades was entitled 50 Shades of Fat Joe the Night Worker, I doubt anyone would find it sexy.
Im being facetious here, but you definitely missed the mark on that point. I've had self-confidence issues my entire life, and see myself as uninteresting and not put together. But in the relationships I've been in, the other person saw something attractive and worth loving, despite the fact I couldn't see it. I came into both of my relationships partially by happenstance, just being there in that person's life at the right time when I wasn't looking for anything bc I felt I wasn't capable or desrving. For people who never ended up having a relationship, this message will just feed the negative thought loops and drag their self-worth down. You don't have to be a risk taker, or incredibly passionate, or a big hunk, orbe aggressively pursuing someone to find love Sometimes you'll just meet someone who just finds you interesting, and showing that you're interested in them can get the ball rolling. You can build a relationship through comfort and kindness, being the person willing to be there for them when they need refuge from the world.
@@iliakatster but you need to eventually see yourself in better light and heal your depression to be able to keep a relationship. It's a blessing to have someone see us so positively and love us like that. But it takes personal growth to keep moving with these people...
Actually, some people are looking for partners that are morose and uninteresting, for their own reasons. There is someone for everybody. What you need to ask yourself is do you want to be in relationship with the sort of person that wants a morose and uninteresting person. If yes, then be. If not, then change yourself.
TL;DR: Hollywood's representation of relationships is toxic and often emotionally and physically abusive. No wonder people like me have a screwed up impression of romance.
ClokworkGremlin Facts and they say “art reflects life” well not everybody ends up in a romantic relationship with the love of their dreams. Hollywood and the RU-vid film community need to stfu about that. I mean people say Peter Parker is super relatable but he always gets these hot chicks who are way above his league, that usually doesn’t happen to every nerd that ends up a loser. And that’s why it’s irritating to watch every single movie, even ones I enjoy like Deadpool and Baby Driver have so much damn emphasis on romance that I can’t relate to and it’s frustrating where the majority praises and “relates to that”. One of the billion reasons I HATE Society and Humanity.
And who keeps the genre going? Women. In short, women secretly WANT a passionate, volatile relationship. The fantasy part is that those relationships can actually work out.
And to expand on that, love is a choice not an instinct. You can't accidentally fall in love with someone, you can either choose (consciously or subconsciously) to love or you can fall in obsession with someone.
All good points here. And it has always bothered me when the script writers often justified or skipped over the immoral act of a main character stealing their loved one from another just because they are supposedly more of a "right person" for them.
I'm so glad to finally hear someone say what I've been saying for years. Loving and accepting yourself is the true basis of happiness. The old saying, "treat others how you want to be treated.", is a natural outgrowth of my premise. If you don't love and accept yourself, how could you possibly love and accept others? Moreover, how could you possibly accept the love and acceptance of others, if you don't do that for yourself?
Except for Lord of the Rings. If you want a movie that explores love in a healthy and mythological way, LotR is the best. It is one of the great themes of the movies and I always am inspired to become a better person because of it. In the end you see no scenes of worship in LotR, since the flame imperishable is within each of the character, what ultimately drives characters is a faith in each other. That is why there still remains hope if the fellowship stays true to eachother.
No rule is universal. Something may apply. Drama just happens by itself. If you care for someone deeply it's hard to balance. Hovewer it's more like minimizing drama.
Maybe, but it is considered as one of the greates love stories of all time and big chunk of other romance stories are basically retelling of this one, so... potential author intention in this case was beaten by readers interpretation.
"There are so many singles out there" yyyeeaaahhh there's really not, though. Not where I live anyway. People see single life as a punishment, can't enjoy their own company and would rather be unhappily married or in a random relationship to avoid being alone than owning it until they find the right person.
I actually disagree here, if you are fine being single you will be not willing to be in a relationship, Hookups-yes relationships-no Relationship is a big hassle and source of infinite problems so you need to have a huge motivation to stay in relationship even with the person you love
I also think that's a myth too - "finding the right person". I think the "right person" is just idealized and makes it seem as if a certain person doesn't check-off certain arbitrary qualities/characteristics, then you can simply dismiss them.
@@Michael-ke8on "Right" does not necessarily "mean someone who fits your fantasy criteria" you need someone who at least has compatible moral values and goals as you have or else your relationship will turn into exploitation where someone will be constantly complaining that someone is doing too little and another will be complaining that someone is demanding something irrelevant. Like I would not mind marrying a woman who wants children but I don't want children and don't want to take any responsibility If I mary such a woman she will be constantly nagging me that she has to do all the work and I don't help because I don't value what she does and don't care about that stuff she cares about.
*The notion that you are only one half of a puzzle that needs completion is the biggest lie there is about romance. It's wise to know about the roles that you assign for others to fulfill and learn to fulfill them for yourself.*
Just started watching someone who deconstructed Twilight for its toxic love patterns. The idea of someone killing themselves for lack of love. Movies have always dictated for me how love should go, and unsurprisingly, I'm single. So, love yourself first before waiting on someone to fill that void for you
It's ok to fight with obstacles. Hovewer mutual attraction should be from the start. You shouldn't try to win her attention. As I see it. Someone who fights and comes as a winner attracts naturally. But not because he fights for women.
"Love can be so transformative, that even when a relationship ends, both parties are happier, better people for having experienced it...but of course, that lacks dramatic swing so we don't see it on screen." Actually, we did at least once. it's the pretty much the closing statement of the movie Her, which is why it's probably the greatest romance of this generation.
i agree with most of it. However family can be quite taxing as well and just as relationships are sold from a dependent foundation. So can family, sometimes family isn't necessarily considering your time, improvement or mental state and sometimes it's a must to explore the world or a relationship without them.
It wasn't her fault. If she didn't have good examples of healthy romantic relationships growing up (parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc) then she turned to movies and books. Most women under 40 are like this. It's videos like this that help us become conscious of ourselves and our behaviors.
Grillidan, I wouldn’t make such a sweeping generalization about women not being able to handle their true selves. Women, by nature, are more intuitive and introspective than men are. However, many women are unconscious of their behavior patterns. There is absolutely no way for them to know what they’re doing unless they see a therapist, learn about psychology, or watch videos like this. I’m not excusing bad behavior, just giving an explanation for it.
Laurie Tyler Facts and they say “art reflects life” well not everybody ends up in a romantic relationship with the love of their dreams. Hollywood and the RU-vid film community need to stfu about that. I mean people say Peter Parker is super relatable but he always gets these hot chicks who are way above his league, that usually doesn’t happen to every nerd that ends up a loser. And that’s why it’s irritating to watch every single movie, even ones I enjoy like Deadpool and Baby Driver have so much damn emphasis on romance that I can’t relate to and it’s frustrating where the majority praises and “relates to that”. One of the billion reasons I HATE Society and Humanity.
I'm sure they're much rarer, but, since I'm a movie buff, could you do a video on romance (or really life in general) where insightful movies get it right?
I rarely, if ever do anything with videos after watching them. I believe this video is something really wonderful and wish I had this as I was growing up. Being such an influential kid, I was trying to mimic the kind of love in movies and couldn't understand why it wasn't working. I'm glad that people growing up today can see videos like this and not go through the same unnecessary pain I did throughout my love life. Movies might try to mimic the feeling of life, but movies are not real life. I hope future generations will learn to realize that. You guys do wonderful work. I'm glad that you can shed some light on subjects like this and even give good examples with the various movies. Keep it up! I'll be rooting for you!
If we learn from movies then the person who says “I’m not good for you, I don’t want a relationship” may be just waiting for you to insist, as he/she learned in movies. I mean, I always took people for their word, I do not insist, but after 28 years being like this I realized there are some situations and people that insisting is necessary. It still hard for me, tho, but I’m learning! Insisting is a way of showing how much you want it (without being creepy/stalker) and mostly in business, damn, it becomes necessary.
I'm learning as well. I insisted, then just let go. You just have to feel when it becomes obsession instead of wanting. Need to leg go of some goals, if the person doesn't seek you out, you shouldn't do it for her and stay consistent with yourself.
Insisting is terrible. It shows you lack options, that you don't accept rejection and that you depend on another person. Also, even if a woman is OK with you insisting and later becomes your gf, she will be more eager to manipulate you and to get what she wants, because she knows you depend on her judgement to act and that you are below her level... So, no... insisting won't do any good and it's better to move on to someone who really likes you just as you are at the moment you meet her.
@@gustavolimon432 I was going to write more or less the same. If a woman says "no" expecting the guy to insist, then she is a player. If she is honest, she might just admit she is unsure, and both agree to get to know each other a little. But yeah, people playing mind-games is not my kinda people. But some people like players. So i guess they just need to find each other.
Actually the thing with pursuing a girl who's unavailable is something i needed to hear. I went after this girl for like about a year not knowing what pain i would cause myself by doing this. Thank you. I am now letting go..paths always cross twice in life.
I've been doing self healing for a few months and your videos hits all the jackpot! The kind of movies I used to enjoy, now I can see how it was so toxic and can't stop asking why it charmed so many people. Healthy relationship is so underrated it's actually sad :(
Absolutely true. I wish I had realized this several years ago. All of these tropes have led me to make more than a few bad decisions when it comes to relationships.
From *_Titanic_* Rose falls more deeply in love with Jack..... As he freezes to death in the icy Atlantic waters despite Rose floating on a door big enough for the both of them.
Jack truly brought out the best in Rose though. He helped her find the courage to live her own life unbound by anything or anyone. When we see her photos at the end of the movie, we can see that even though he was gone, she had a long and very fulfilling life. That is how you do a romance right. Whether they end up together in the end or not, the two have to bring out the best in each other and they still have to be strong on their own.
@@silverstarlightproductions1292 Yes, this is a healthy relationship. There are so many Manic Pixie Dream Girls and women Stuffed into the Fridge to inspire the man, but here they talk to each other and connect. He lets her make her choice telling her that she has to save herself.
I wish I had this video to reference when I was a teen. I’m now learning for myself in my 30’s 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ that REAL LOVE is (usually) NOTHING like the movies.
I used to go confused as to What people mean by you need to love yourself before you can love others, but the way you explain it on here makes a crystal clear
This video just blew my mind , 6 months ago I've ended a relationship , which I've come across to realize , I've went through it like it was at the movies , it led to me suffering , long time after the breakup and I realize that yeah those were experiences and it was love , and it was a suffering love , that I forced myself to have it in order to be completed. Thank you Charlie.
IF you can figure it out, and not let it break you. there is the happening of people in pain adopting 'victim' MINDset and sometimes blaming, unbounded fear turning people anxious, paranoid and untrusting, even learned helplessness and lastly heartbreak could turn some bitter, paranoid and untrusting (again) and keeping people at arms length, killing the love within. not trying to argue your point because you are SO right, but this is also what can happen from that.. we must have greater awareness of self and understanding of humankind and society to ensure we dont fall into the well of self destruction.
The pain aspect is a deeper philosophy than you describe here. It's about when giving in to love you accept the fact that you will suffer when it's over. Whether it's a break up or death after a life long relationship accepting love also accepts loss.
This video is one of the best you guys have done. You guys (along with others) have helped me a lot in going from a social outcast with Aspergers, into someone with a lot of friends and a girl on his dance card 😂 More people need to see this video. The content is so important.
I mean, "Still a better love story than Twilight" is literally a meme, so if you're taking romantic advice from that movie series you're going to have a bad time
My friend started dating a girl with low self esteem and she opened up to him and told him that she's insecure about her looks and she thinks she is ugly. He said the classic "You're perfect to me." This was like the third date or something. That was also their last date. She knew right away that he was trying to take advantage and was just trying to make her feel pretty to get her in to bed. Smart girl.
I like the tale of the knight who had to prove his love to a princess, where she told him he had to wait for her on a chair outside her castle for a full year. The knight sat and waited, day after day through all kinds of weather, where the princess could see him to prove his loyalty and love. After a year had past, on the last day when the princess was to come down to meet the knight, he got up and walked away.
I think what makes it exciting is that hollywood romance turns relationships into adventures. It's the classic story of the hero applied to romantic life. You leave your friends and family behind to discover the unknown and after some ups and downs return happy and fullfilled.
This is an amazing video brother and this problem goes even deeper than Hollywood. The belief that love requires suffering, sacrifice, and pain has been espoused by Christ’s death on the cross as the ULTIMATE example of love in the Christian faith. Part of me still sees something so beautiful about the idea that one’s willingness to suffer or endure pain reveals the level of love you have for another, while a more objective side of me now sees the negative implications of this kind of belief. I am working to undo that belief so I can live with less ups and downs in my relationships. As you said, I will actively choose emotional QUALITY over emotional intensity. Thank you Charlie
Yes, for many years of drama, I've experiencing a matura approach, one that the other is a universe, something meaningful like me. I've stopped being selfish. Charisma on Command has so many things right.
I want to direct people to the “Before” trilogy (Before Sunrise, Sunset and Midnight), those movies are the most realistic depictions of falling for someone I’ve ever seen. Sure, they speed some things up because each one takes place in a day, but there are no grand gestures of love or anything, it’s all just two people finding a connection within each other by talking.
Just watched this and realized it was uploaded on my birth date. It's just a little over a month before my 11th wedding anniversary. I'm really thankful for my parents, my husband, my children. Very thankful for our peaceful life together. It's so sad seeing movie characters and then people in real life follow the "drama recipe" and do not appreciate a simple and peaceful life. Some people even feel weird or look down on people who are just having a peaceful life. People, waking up in the morning, content with yourself, being responsible and having a responsible spouse to hug and to support you and you support them is amazing. Cherish that if you are married. No need to look for drama or tragedy. Thank you Charlie for talking about this.
So true! Thank you for pointing all this out! Not sure why Hollywood wants to ruin people’s relationships so much by giving such unrealistic examples...
The break up was one of my favourite rom coms for this reason. They had great sexual and romantic chemistry, but the balance of effort was too different and they needed to separate to grow as people- so they stay broken up
Finally a bigger channel acknowledging the mainstream misinformation about relationships. Thank you man, bless you. P.S. You got fans in Athens, Greece 🇬🇷 🔥🔥
this video is underrated. everyone should see this, so people think about it. it for sure would help most of the people. it did help me alot realizing this points, even if i knew the most of them, it's really good to remind myself. thank you.
If you are reading this, may you attract everything you’ve been patiently waiting for & be passionate to pursue it whole-heartedly. It will naturally flow into your life when you are ready to receive it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey 🙏
9:05 this is represented in the movie marriage story, they break up in the end, but they still love each other and take grace on the time they spent together. But in the day to day they dont fell satisfied so divorce is the only solution, its a great movie to watch really recomend it!
Loved this video. Another thing these movies forget to mention is what happens when the relationships based only on passion and drama come to an end. What happens when one has never learned to forgive others and forgive oneself. As you said, self-love is so so important. Thanks for putting this out in the world.
As a person raised by movies and series this took me so long to understand this, and i went through so many toxic relationships totally worth it of movies, but that caused me so much pain. Learning to love myself and inprove myself every day had left me single for over 2 years but happier than ever with the best relationship with my family and friends
Agree with most of this except that I think it's normal to feel lonely if your single for a while. For some people at least. Others are more happy with casual relationships.
