idk if u can read this but i think this will be in ur recommended or maybe u already watched it. but i hope you stay for a lil bit longer. until we can't anymore. let's wait for it to happen. together. don't just leave me behind. i know how dreading it is to live, or maybe i dont. and maybe im being selfish for asking you to stay and just live for me. idk, im starting to hope again, that maybe there's sumth for us in there. in the future and it's not just coming yet. so please stay. let's see what's coming for us together, yea?
It's 4:43 in the morning. I'm tired and probably going to pass out shortly, and i'm really happy that this is the last thing i'm reading. Even if I don't need this comment, I still felt it, and it felt nice. I hope more people will see this as they come upon this video; and maybe it will help someone, pushing them enough to keep moving.
Ive always wanted to be a spectator. Like how in games, when you die, you go into spectator mode. You don't exist, but you still get to watch and move around wherever you want. Its also like reading a book, you're a spectator to the characters inside. Just tagging along by their side without having to exist and experience the problems. Anyway, I think that's what turned into a real bad habit of daydreaming too often. And now Im too lost in my head and made my life miserable. I need something to nail me down to reality
honestly i get you. too much pressure and stress to make decisions and to do school/work suck. and so books and shows always raise my expectations for reality as well ig. anyways, I'm no therapist, and you can totally ignore me if you want, but I would suggest talking to friends about whatever when you feel this kind of emptiness, or just going outside for a bit. have good food that will make you feel happy, bc this always works for me! and btw, I think its good to daydream often. where would the fun in life be without a bit of fantasy? [p.s. i apologise if none of this helps you and just wastes your time, and I'm sorry if i assume solutions without knowing who you are or your situation, i understand that that can be super annoying].
@@faryalahmed7158 no, this is good advice. Rather than staying holed up in my room its good to do outside get some sun light, walk around, have some good food. Good way to tie yourself down to reality and experience the world. Daydreaming isnt bad too, but i just do it excessively. My room doesnt get sunlight, so wont be able to tell whether its day or night. And itll just be me walking back and forth in my room just day dreaming for hours. Completely wasting a good portion of my day 💀💀 Getting a job works real well too. Makes u feel productive. Thanks for the tip ayy
@@yeux2042 hey anytime. and i hope things get at least a bit better for you after this. ive had too many days where ive done absolutely nothing and felt bad after it. so someone told me this quote and i hope it applies to you as well: ‘You are not obligated to be the person you were 5 minutes ago.’ even if it feels like you’ve done nothing for a long period of time, don’t even think about the time that passed bc theres nothing you can do abt it and do not feel bad after it. you can experience the world any time of the day! do all the things I suggested then and more. until hopefully reality seems a little more inviting. (btw i do not mean to make all this sound easy as hell bc its not sometimes)(but baby steps can be the way to go)
For me it’s kind of the opposite, I don’t have that many responsibilities right now, but I have access to the internet and I’m basically just watching the events of the world unravel, not really able to do anything. That’s why I prefer video games over movies, because in movies if you don’t like how the story goes you can’t really change it.
Dying doesnt sound scary at all. Its more the moments of pain that lead up to it. Suicide must hurt and for that to be the last thing you feel sounds scary
In a way, I guess this is what burnout feels like. Being tired of doing things, feeling pressured to do more, lacking the energy to exist. Wishing one could just log off, run off into the wilderness, experience silence. No one to talk to, nothing to react to. Just exist, quietly, while no one is watching.
That's not at all what's being described here. I mean, kudos for finding a way to connect with the message as you perceived it, but you're describing a completely different feeling. Wanting to not exist isn't about escaping society to be alone with your thoughts, or to rest up because the world has made you tired, it's about your consciousness being snuffed out. When we say we want to not exist we don't mean we want to sit in silence, we mean we want to completely stop being. No silence, no noise, just no us.
@@NottherealLucifer yeah the video is literally the desire to not exist at all... I don't want to exist somewhere else I just want to disappear having never been here.
@@NottherealLucifer for me i feel many different things. Sometimes I associate it with the feeling of burnout, since I want to run away from everyone I know, but again... it honestly just feels like I don't even want to exist. So for me, sometimes it's that I want to exist somewhere else, but other times its that I don't wnat to exist at all without killing myself
I remember reading a 4chan thread that was about asking what the meaning of life is, One of the answers were "To observe the art gallery that is existance." and i think in my honest opinion that is a valid answer. When you look at a painting everyone has their own interpretation about it same way how some people view life itself. God i fucking hate boredom.
I personaly thank boredom even tho it usualy comes with the feeling of emptyness, couse it allows you to think about anything and everything, even if it wont ever happen. And music is something i hugely like couse of the meaning YOU can give it, even if it dosent fit the actual lyrics of pace of the song.
Sadly some people like me do not want to observe that art gallery anymore, the cost is too much to us and the arts are not good enough to keep our interest. That's how I see the feeling of people who don't like to exist. I hope someday we will all find ourselves an art in this huge gallery that is good enough for us to pay the price.
Don't hate boredom, embrace it. If we stop experiencing boredom and start despising it corporations will win what's left of our attention span and humanity will be gone
This really explained my feelings so well. I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die, I don't want to leave my family here with the final mess I caused. I just sometimes wish I never existed in the first place but then there are the little beautiful moments that make me go "maybe it's worth sticking around a little while longer."
I just wish humanity didn’t have to be a total hellhole to be in. It’s enough to make everyone depressed after realizing the harsh reality this species has been built upon and where it is now heading to in the next several decades. Really hard finding hope these days.
@@MyndMythos that's very accurate, i find happiness in the small things i enjoy. cooking a nice meal for myself, drinking a warm cup of coffee, listening to my favorite records, and indulging in nostalgia to reminisce about a more simple time. when life was ahead of me and i didn't know or feel any real struggle other than playing video games, hanging with my brother, and playing with legos. life is hard, and a lot of it sucks. but the fleeting moments of beauty in between are worth sticking around for, even if they're few and far between.
I don't think the desire of being nothing is a pursuit for any satisfaction. It's just a desire for not feeling the pain. It's not about starting a satisfaction, it's about ending a dissatisfaction.
I opened up to my aunt about being passively suicidal because that's the title that fit,in all honesty it's exactly this -simply wishing not to exist. I have my first psychiatric evaluation today in 11 hours and I don't even know what I'm going to say because it's so hard to explain how I feel and why I feel this way. Reading the comments was comforting in a way,but I hope we all seek help so that we don't add up on the cousin. Wish me luck!
Suicidal people don't necessarily want to die, they don't want to suffer in pain, they don't want their loved one seeing a gruesome scene, they probably attempted to solve their problem and failed more than once. The difference between "wanting to not exist" and being suicidal, it's when life pushes you too far, that the situation you're in makes you feel like you have no other choice. Some may take the decision without much thinking and they may succeed or maybe fail and get even more depressed and with more troubles. Some of us may have done a lot of thinking and tried various attempts, but still fail without nobody ever noticing. So the only difference between not wanting to exist and making a suicidal attempt, it's being pushed too far.
That really made me think. I'd tell myself im not suicidal because I dont want to be dead and i know i'd be unable to go trough with that, and yet the thought of no longer existing calms me sometimes. When I lay in bed dreading any form of productivity, thinking about my bulimia and anxiety, I imagine ending it, that calms me. Helps me get up.
@@anonymouslearner2454 A mix of life situations and bad choices, that's how. Thank you a lot for your kind wishes, it actually seems like it's getting better, thanks to my family and friends support and of course, a lot of my own effort (helping in the house, taking showers, making exercise, eating the right amount, ect). Hope your life is going smoothly too, kind stranger. Bunch of love to you. 🥰
@@mhm77887 I get what you're feeling, I was there. I don't know your situation and I'd love to give you and advice, but you'd probably heard a lot and you're sick of that. The only thing I know is that attempting in any way, hurts a lot, there's no easy way out. I hope that someday you will be able to help yourself with your situation, it may seem like a long distance to walk and maybe you can't see the end of it, but I assure, every little step you take is a little closer to your goal, you'll eventually get there.
No, I don’t agree. My wish to not exist it’s pure and simple, it’s not like I want to feel nothing like taking some drugs. It’s that I want to NOT EXIST, I don’t want this physical body that I’m forced to sustain working almost all my life, I’m forced to be someone that interacts with people but I don’t like myself so I’m always ashamed of what I am. Even death it’s not a consolation when I think that the memory of what I am still would linger for some time in the minds of who knew me, not to mention the unknown possibilities of the afterlife. I want to not exist but it’s too late, I already exist and this alone gives me anxiety.
I've never commented in RU-vid before (my social anxiety is reeaaaally acting up), but I thought this needed a response. I feel the exact same way: I don't want to exist at all, and though death seems like a way to escape permanently, the idea of hurting the people who knew me and the fact that even in death I won't cease to exist anyway is daunting. I feel trapped, because though I don't really want this existence, the only thing I see as a real possibility of escape is an alternative that in the end will hurt the people left behind. I also hate my physical body. It is the first time I've said this to anyone, because it is the first time I've heard of anyone who feels the same way. However, I do kind of agree with the video because, as Nietzsche pointed out, art and beauty can bring a kind of solace that nothing else can: the possibility of being, even for a fleeting moment, removed from your suffering and anxiety to simply become a non-judgmental spectator of the greatness of the universe and the possibility of something new. I am sorry you feel like this too, but I will certainly come back to this video as a way to remind myself of this prospect, and also to remember how insignificant and brief my life really is in the big scheme of things (which brings me some sort of comfort from this fear of existence in itself). I hope this helped you in some way, and that you heal soon. Edit: Wow, thanks for the likes and the responses! They deterred me from deleting the comment and really made my day :)
it's funny how the world works, because this came up on my recommended on a night where I just felt so disconnected from myself that I wanted to not exist for a while, and it's oddly comforting to watch so, thank you
I find it unfair that when someone is born, all of a sudden they have many responsibilities and expectations from their parents growing up to the point where they don’t understand why they are here in the first place. In reality you can’t really do what you want cause there will always be rules to living which is crazy because it’s not a choice.
I used to be amazed at the fact that I was alive. Like I would look at my hand and move it, and be in awe that this isn't a dream or a memory. That I'm in the present with full free will. But now, I fucking hate it.
Exactly, I aint suicidal. I just simply don't wanna annoy my friends anymore, be told to cut my hair, to be forced to experience the depression. to no longer be forced to be.
This video was just what I needed to hear and reading these comments is making me cry. I finally can understand my feelings better. Thank you so much for making this video.
That deep aching emptiness you feel when someone you cared about decides you're not worth their time anymore and effortlessly just walks away forever. Except for what I miss is not just a person, it's everything.
Yeah... I feel like the people who care about me are the ones that I wish didn't... cause, well, often they wouldn't even like who I really was. I don't really like them but I'd feel guilty abandoning them too. On the otherhand the people I really do care about don't care enough about me which as you said sucks. You prioritize someone so much yet they find it so easy to forget you. I'm at a point where I don't know if I'll ever make another friend. I'm too quiet, too boring, too bitter. Sometimes I wish it could get better but other times I wish it wouldn't, that I could make everyone hate me so I could finally dissapear without any guilt. But I realized I've probably said too much. I hope things get better for you.
There have been so many instances throughout my life when I just wanted to be like "fuck it! I just wanna float endlessly in space and feel nothing and just marvel at stars, and planets, nebulae and blackholes"
I rarely ever comment on anything but dude thank you so much, This video describes exactly how ive been feeling, like you don't want to die but rather turn back time so you were never conceived- i relate to that so much. I'm not suicidal but damn the world is just too much dude. no one gets anywhere. I don't get anywhere. this lifetime won't do anything for anyone but it's nice knowing there are so many people out there like me- one that have become disillusioned and in a way, a bit hopeless. this is all the validation i needed, thank you so much
my grandmother, sister and uncle passed away the same year back to back. they all lived with us. my house went from busy, bustling and full of life to just me and my parents. the only reason they have not killed themselves is because i am alive. the only reason i have not killed myself is because how dare i feel so selfish to make them bury another child. i wish all three of us can simply disappear and stop existing. theyve told me they wish all three us would just not wake up again. this video resonates with me
To me, life isn’t for everyone. No one is asked whether they want to exist so everyone should get to choose whether they continue or nor. It’s why I like the idea of antinatalism.
I understand every person that commits suicide, and I do not look down on them. That said, we all die anyway. You're not missing out on anything, you might as well rot in reality and then when death comes you can be like "Hey, I remember wanting to find out what this was like when I was younger!" Then you die. Atleast that's how I feel, my idealization of returning to nothingness has come from extreme anxiety and self hate. I've never thought about it in the sense of losing a loved one and not being able to continue. I can, fortunately, not related to that. I am deeply afraid of where my mind might go say if my parents die any time soon. It keeps me up at night, I'd be very tempted to plunge into nothingness.
To be honest, antinatalism ideal gives me hope to continue my life. When I know there are several people that abhor the idea to procreateーlike myselfーI feel liberating. I live in third world country and I always got weird stare when I said I don't pursue relationship and to breed. Not that I hate men, I just want to be stable by myself. Even living by my own is hard, then why should I breed a human that is the copy of my DNA? That being said, I don't force others to not procreate. It's just for _me_ I feel burdened to bear the other's living. Sorry for the ramble, I just want to say I agree with antinatalism.
antinatalism is such a romantic ending for humans. i like it too. sadly it's too good to be true. imagine trying to get some people to stop feckin like dogs 💀
At one point, I began to have such a difficult time accepting myself. I forgot what it feels like to feel ok being me and I wonder if anyone else feels the same way.. I just feel like Im not meant to be.
I feel this way more often than i like to admit. I sometimes fake "normality" and sometimes not, but the fact that i cry to sleep every night thinking about disappearing or make me feel something in a bad way scares the shit out of me. The thought of the worry of my family always stopped me. Today my house burned and i felt the loss in my mum's eyes, all the memories, the confort, the word 'home'. When they first told me (i wasn't there when it happend) i felt numb, completly numb, it scared me. i couldn't feel. Then I saw my mum. I hate seeing her sad everyone does, but this was different, grief, sorrow. Conmplicate and deep sentiment after such a tragedy hard to put away and so fierce they consumes you. Then i coulnt bear it anymore, the void was filling through HER. I dont realy know how bot it was like her feelings crushed right inside me, that moment i realised what happend and I started feeling on my own. I felt loss, in general to nothing in particular but loud and disturbing. All my strength i put it to keep the family okay with what happened. I talked to everyone, or if they were with someone else and didn't feel like talking. I smiled and craked jokes when nessesary. I hugged them and stayed like that as long as they nedded. I went back to my void as soon as I put my attention in the others, but it was okay because this time it helping. I guess they noticed what i did, or they will notice at some point. I am not sociable nor talkative. I never realy smile and i am not very fond of phisical contact. It has been twelve hours and i can't feel nothing, i got some little peaks of something, but not enough. It alwas happens that after such void i feel to much and it will hurt so much. But today i found i have some strength and resilience. Now i don't want to disapear untill I know my family is okay. I never realy write comments but i needed to get this out of my sistem, tofay it was too much. Sorry if there is bad grammar or something this is not my first lenguaje. Just in case someone gets worried (someting i find very unlikely) we are all fine and no one got injured. Thanks for reading♡♡
i'm glad the fire didn't push you over the edge but withdrew you a little from it. hope your family will get through these probably though times and best of luck. also thank you for sharing your story it couldn't have been easy.
I'm so sorry about your home :( I can't stand seeing my family hurt either. You're very strong I can tell that you're a great person by how much effort you put in to comfort your family. It's inspiring to see how you're still able to find hope in this situation-Idk about everyone else, but I would be absolutely destroyed if I was in your situation. I hope you and your family are in a secure home now, take care :-)
This is incredible. I'm in my 60's now and have lived with this feeling on and off through most of my life although I've become more aware of it and really looked at it in recent months. To have someone articulate my thoughts so well, to create a piece of visual art that captures the nuances and essence of the repetitive thoughts and emotions is breath-taking. Being able to really look at and consider this intangible belief and emotion I am living with is a wonderful gift. Thank you not only from me but for all of those who genuinely need to know that we are not alone.
Hey S, great observations about life. Really good “red pill” discussions. I am a deeply practical person and have wondered with the advent of Medical Assisted dying for the elderly if this concept will be allowed as a humane path for those who really gave life a go, went to therapy and sought the help they need but ultimately are happy with the decision to pass on! To me it’s the ultimate final freedom for humanity. It’s really hard to debate this issue because too many people live under the “blue pill” and I think there is some capitalist control against destroying “consumers” heck even YT would probably not allow such a debate.
I've always said life to me is like a soccer game, and i don't wanna play soccer. Does the game hurt me? no, do the playmates bully me? no, i just dont want to participate at all
I've been feeling this for months, maybe even years at this point. It's "sadly comforting" to know others feel this too, but it makes me wonder even more what the sense of everything is. Is there really no alternative to this dullness? Why do we all go along with it? And where do we find the "strength" to endure?
if people started seeing the world as we see that with an philosophical eye they would see how futile our lives are there no meaning and thus no point in enduring this continued pain with no clear picture of the future. the thing that drives people is the lack of knowledge.
@@deathisinevitable7178 i have to wholeheartedly disagree with that with every fibre of my being. Someone else in the comments posted a quote "depression is like being colourblind and being told how beautiful the colours are". There's a difference in perspective, not understanding vs ignorance. And its fucking hard as shit to change that perspective but thats what therapy is for. Just because there is no external "meaning" or purpose of life that we can possibly know about, doesnt mean life cant be loved and enjoyed through internal gratification. it can just be hard as shit to get to that.
For me it’s the small moments. Like really nice weather or having a cup of tea or laughing with a friend. When I lost that happiness I was terrified. But it came back. So yeah, this was inarticulate
this is insane because this popped up on my recommended as soon as I just got done having a very heavy "not wanting to exist" moment. the reason I want to not exist so bad is because I simply want my brain to stop. I find myself wanting to silence it with substances such as a lot of weed, but the constant knot of anxiety and deep sadness my brain holds is still deafening. sleep is the only time I can be free from my brain, I wish I was in that constant state of sleep. Being able to not think and to not even be aware of anything.
This line of thought perfectly encapsulates why I haven't ended it all despite the urge to from time to time, varying in frequency. And I feel just a bit better after watching this in a weird way. I've never thought I was very special, so i knew somebody else definitely felt the same way, I just never thought I'd see them express it in a way that somehow made me feel less alone. Thanks a lot mister push big heavy rock up hill man. I appreciate it. I'd go on but I dont think RU-vid comments have enough room for me to talk about this stuff, and honestly I feel like most comments go unread so I'll just leave it at that. Hope you're well.
that's wonderfully relatable, captured my own thoughts perfectly. I guess there's something to be said about the glorification of being "special" - because far too often, 'special' is just interchangeable with 'isolated'. being able to share these moments and emotions with others is... really nice. hey, you may not think of yourself as special, and you may have no idea who I am, but you've made my day just that bit brighter with this comment, so thank you! I hope you're doing good ~
For me, It comes from how my parents treated me, as they would treat me as a burden but needed me and couldn't exist without me as I was a caretaker for my siblings. To exist for others with the expectations to be a shell, hollow and only there to be a convenience to others, and discarded when I was... at all human or needed support of my own, even though I was a child. I'm working through it with my therapist. Trauma can be complex.
Its moments like these I think that my algorithm is looking out for me by recommending this video, The last couple of months I have prepared various ways to "off" myself and has written my final goodbye letters to my friends and family and the strange thing is my life is not that bad. I have loving family members who take care of me and I don't get bullied at school(ofc the pressure and stress of schoolwork is very hard to process) and have a normal middle class happy life and that is why my family were confused when they found me with scars on my arm and I myself was also feeling guilty for doing this because others have it way worse than me so this video has perfectly described what I'm feeling and I can relate to this heavily and this kind of healed me Aswell. Not completely ofc but still seeing someone talk about it and knowing that there are people out there that feel like this makes me feel calm. I appreciate you for making this video❤ Sorry for my bad writing, English is not my first language and not my forte.
this is what kept me in my room for the past two years, over quarantine and being remote learning in school. i didnt want to exist anywhere, didnt want to go anwywhere, didnt want to be perceived by anyone or anything. and now, my bedroom is the only place ive ever felt truly alive. its the only place that keeps me alive. i still dont want to exist sometimes, but in a way, my room keeps be grounded
I often feel scared of life but the very next moment I feel scared of death or not existing anymore. I feel scared thinking about how my future might turn out to be, but I'm also scared of missing out on all the good moments of life if I decided to disappear. As a human, it's a curse and a blessing to have consciousness and the ability to weigh the pros and cons of life and death. Sometimes it's nice to have hope as a candle in the dark.
all your videos are so intelligent. they inspire me. i always love watching them. you are so good at speaking exactly what i''m feeling. i constantly do not want to exist. not to die. to sleep and never wake up. stay here as long as you can. you're awesome.
Sometimes the timing of certain things is just so impeccable. My personal desire to not exist is at an all time high right now, due to what I think is self hatred. I've gone to bed these past few days wishing to not wake up and yet I do. Amongst all that mental turmoil, this video came along as a moment of solace and I think that maybe for now, I'll stick around.
The best way I've found to explain it is this; I want to float in water. Not on it, but within. To breathe that feeling of water on your skin. Subtly there yet intangible. A guaranteed empty depth below me that I am aware of yet cannot see. I know it's empty, there's nothing else there, and it's a comfort. To have nothjng but natural hazey blue, shaded by the color of dark, and the light above. To know there's a surface but to be intangible myself, away from it but just existing outside. Until I'm ready to come back to reality. I wish to float in water ad infinitum, with bo actual feeling bur the ghost of what was, no sight except for the memories of what I understand blue and light and dark to be. To just, be without being. I do not want to die, but sometimes it wish I could just step away. For a little while.
I've been going through a rough time lately of trying to understand myself and the world around me... it's things like making music or painting a picture or writing that keep me going. I don't have many friends these days and I sense the fleeting moments of it all. This video made me cry. I'm glad I'm not the only one to have experienced such an insignificance and finite realization of myself. I just wanted you to know that had you not existed, this video wouldn't have been seen by me and impacted me in such a way to feel just a bit more ease in this wild adventure we call life. Thank you
Lets just say, I really needed this, I don't want to exist. nothing can change that for me anymore like emotions or experiences, sadness, happiness, struggle, love. I don't like these things in general anymore, I've grown tired and in need for something thrilling and exciting but those never come at the age I'm in anymore. so I just want to move on or just simply become void, nothing and absolutely nothing.
Every time I have this thought I quickly conclude that "No, it's the other thing that I actually want and lack at the moment - the happy thing." And crawling towards it becomes bearable again.. most of the times.
it’s weird seeing other people so in the moment and connected with what’s going on because i myself am not capable of caring about anything at all anymore. i don’t know how to enjoy things so i’ll just pretend to until i don’t have to anymore
Once, I told a friend that I don't want to die, but don't want to live either. He didn't understand, he thought I was talking about suicide but that's not it. Like Freddy Mercury said, I wish I was never born at all. I don't always feel like this though : when I see my cat or when I read a really great book or watch a really great film, then I'm happy to be alive to be able to experience those moments. I hope that the creators of such masterpieces know how much good they have done.
im just waiting until im 21 for the moment to be right then im going to end it. i know the world frowns upon it but the only time i ever felt relieved from stress and worries was when i was sitting in the back of a car with nitrogen to my face. it feels weird to even say, because those few moments were bliss, and i frankly long for the feeling of being gone forever. i think everyone has to deal with death, and whenever im gone the choices others make with my passing is their choice and simply how they choose to handle the situation. at the end of the day, im handling my situation and you can handle yours as you see fit. if you think death is the option, do what feels right. eventually we'll all be dead, eventually we'll not have anything. everything is simply fruitless labor or a facade of happiness to me. the day i really feel happy is my last few breaths of oxygen, and slowly fall into a slumber.
huh. You were really able to put into words what I've been feeling for a while now. It was very well said, thank you! I may or may not show this to my mum now if I am able to muster enough courage.
i always told myself if i know my life was gonna be like this i would not born into this world in the first place. my life comes with many hardship but it's isn't too bad, alot of privilege people around me was inspired on how i had to go so many things just to get into starting line in life. but still it's not like i enjoying it so life's become something inconvenience and i long awaiting for being not existing. my life isn't sad it's just tiring because i have to deal with something i born have to deal with.
I do feel these kind of sentiments from time to time, every waking second that I spent on thinking about the future, I am scared and this is only exaggerated by not having the intelligence nor skills and the worst of all no direction of what to do with my life? When compared to my peers I am simply clueless, it doesn't help that I constantly seek out a rather pessimistic scenario about things but when I think too much about it I simply indulge in the various vices of the lonely and hence trapped in a self perpetuating cycle. I wish I wasn't born but not because I didn't want to but how things have turned out in my life as every year inches forward forcing me to take decisions I will eventually regret. If money and happiness are the two foremost things that one would want l, I would argue that the person armed with the knowledge of his future in the past could achieve both. This constant feeling that if only I knew what to do in the past, what regrets I would incur every second wasted in my youth will finally catch up to me. This might be more of a regretful approach rather than a non-existence one But that's my thoughts anyway.
I may be late to this comment, and I might sound ignorant and naive to your whole comment but to me personally it is great that you acknowledge your thought processes to the thoughts that circle in your head. You can use it as a weapon to get it through your adversities. This may sound cliche but I would like to remind you that there is nothing you can do about your past, I understand that it has formed who you are right now but obviously not all that has happened is all bad. Worrying about the past or future is not productive because you are distracted by the only thing you have right now which is your present, which in can affect the future you dread but again do not linger over it too much. It is good helpful for you to avoid danger in the future but too of it is bad. I understand how overwhelming life can be, I really do, but nothing in this life is ever fully good or bad. So I'd say pessimism is not the optimal way to look at life but rather the combination of both. I hope this helps, cheers.
I mean, maybe thats why I love racing so much. Its just this moment of oblivion, the moment when there isnt anywhing else than just next turn, next breaking zone. There isnt anything more than just me and the machine. I dont feel anything I just drive. Lap by lap stage by stage. And its a great endless feeling that I dont have to think feel or do anything else. Cos Im so tired of this every day. And there is this silence. For the moment Im somewhere else
If you’re reading this, I’m glad you’re here I’m still here too! Hang in there friend. You’re gonna be ok. ❤ I told my therapist about this thought process during our first session. They get it. There’s no shame. Nobody is coming to lock me away. She’s supportive and I’m pushing through. Trying to understand it all. I’m 47…
One of the reasons people haven’t went fully through with the thought of suicide is because it’s almost impossible to live on this earth without someone loving or caring about you. You might’ve had a rocky childhood or a bad day but it’s true. We all end up doing it, we start to live for others. Parents and teachers, pretty much everything that has a goal of helping others behind it. That is why suicide is such a taboo and selfish thing in some countries. You would give your pain to someone else. Plus, suicide is such a long term solution to a short term problem.
Jesus, I just admitted this to my girlfriend yesterday night out of anger and hurt her. I’ve been longing for this and you show up in my feed tonight. Your videos always show up in my feed whenever I’m struggling and can’t find the answers I’m looking for.
Thanks for this video, please know that your videos really make me feel like I don't walk alone with this kind of stuff. We've invested our hearts so much in what we love until this point. Maybe this will bear fruits someday, so we need to be here to be witnesses. Even if it doesn't, it's worth the try knowing that we've been acting out of love
“I want to end reality but I feel hesitant Optimistic that the future will be more concerned than the present And so for today, I'll remain intact” - “It’s OK, I Wouldn’t Remember Me Either” by Crywank
I feel a version of this when my depression is really bad. I've had idle suicidal ideation thoughts before, but no real desire to end it all because it's so... permenant. Instead I just want to cease to exist for a little while. Usually, during those times, I take a nap as soon as possible. It seems to help.
I just feel for a long time as if I just wish I could up and leave everything and go live in a tiny cabin, deep in the forest, and never interact w anyone ever again. Never talk to anyone again. Just be in silence and calm forever.
This video made me realize how hard it hit me that my grandma forgot about me, being forgotten is one of my worst fears and yet this video described my feeling almost perfectly
A doctor once asked me if I ever felt depressed. I said that wish I could just press a button and have never existed. Long story short: My clothes and belongings were taken away and I was taken wearing a paper gown, in a wheelchair by the doctor and an orderly, escorted by a police officer, to a psychiatric evaluation that was conducted by several doctors, for over twelve hours. Now, whenever doctors ask if I'm depressed, the answer is always no, not ever.
I've sat in the dark for so long now I don't remember the light. I was 25 when it started, I'm now 52. Though someone handed me a torch 4-5 years ago, I'm not who I was pretending to be and never was. I was forced into a box and the boy died in the dark but, with my own kinds (autie) help, I may be able to come back to the day and see the world as it truly is: again beautiful, incredible and inherently ridiculous...and screaming to be seen and explored..... I'll get there one day myself and I'll try to give directions xxxx
This is something I didn't know I needed to hear but thank you. It's given me enough resolve to keep moving forward, at least for now in the pursuit of something that is still currently unknown. But I have hope, thank you
I've been trying to explain this sensation to people for so long, as soon as i saw the title, i clicked. My psychiatrist asked me what my three biggest wishes are, my first answer was exactly this. I told her i'm not suicidal, I dont have the guts to kill myself, neither the desire, but that i just want to vanish from existence. Gone with my songs, my writings, my drawings, all of the images and memories of me, ingrained into other people's concsiousness. That's different from dying, it's disappearing. My biggest wish. If only i knew how to do it. The Radiohead song "how to disappear completely" doesn't actually give any real answers, which is disappointing.
Huh, exact same feeling here. Well, apart from the song. I mean, it's just a song. But yeah it would've been cool if i could just... dunno, wipe any trace and thought of me ever existing! But at the same time, i didn't only leave burdens to others. I didn't always fail. I sometimes left positive impacts on people. However, when you're in that state, it's easy to forget everything good you've done and been. It's super easy to not even be able to acknowledge it. And um, yea that's all my thoughts lol
I feel the exact thing minus the song and I don't try to tell my psychiatrist because I am afraid she will have me forced into a 50/50 situation which is awful. Now does anyone else feel this...like a struggle of wanting to have kids but then a terrible realization that you'd be doing to them what was done to you, forcing you to exist. At the same time I feel like I should inflict it on someone else like it was done to me.
I feel like the way that you've expressed you feelings makes a lot of sense. I completely understand that. The only difference is i wish it had been from the beginning. I feel like i would rib people of some of their happiness if i disappeared midway. Like i get that they wouldn't know, but i care about them too much for that even. The not having the gut to not kill yourself, is what i feel all the time. You *are* here, and while you dont have to like it, you can make the most of it since my comforting thought is that death is inevitable, it will come. So you have to do your best until that sort of natural release comes. anyways have a good day or night or anything else!
I seriously freaked out when i saw this video in my recommended because it's exactly what I'm feeling. People think I'm suicidal but I'm not. I could never kill myself. The weight of my responsibilities and the weight of my future is all crushing me to the point i just don't want to do anything. It's even worse because no one understands this and just gets worried
Having responsibilities and people that lean on you IS the gift! Being alone, no work, no responsibility and not being needed is the true hell. I wish more younger people would understand that.
@@lorireed8046 I think it's a gift that you truly do not understand the pain behind their words, albeit one that, unfortunately, is one of the reasons why young people feel so separate and alienated from the older people in their lives.
I had these feelings often and for the same reasons as you. I got on an anxiety and depression medication and got counseling and now I not longer have that feeling. I believe you also can be pulled out of this feeling. :)
@@lorireed8046 Work is boring. Responsibilities are stressing. I enjoy being alone much more than i enjoy being with people. I hate it when people need me to do things for them. Zero responsibilities and people in your life, just doing what you like, sounds like paradise.
I cried reading the comments here, not because they made me sad but because it made me feel relieved that I'm not the only person who has those thoughts and feelings I'm not depressed or suicidal, I have never seriously considered ending my life, but sometimes when the weight of responsibility gets too heavy, when there's so much stress I feel close to breaking, when I realize how much work, stress and responsibility is ahead of me, I just wish I was in a void where I feel nothing, have no responsibilities, where I can just float, sleep, rest, without even dreaming I have heard of these salt water pods that basically deprive you of all sensory input and they sound like heaven to me
@@sofiamunoz5960 well that's one way to completely misconstrue my point... Obviously I'm not happy that somebody else is suffering. What I expressed was relief in having found people that understand me, in not being completely alone with those feelings. I see this as a chance to connect, help each other and get better together, instead of being afraid to talk about it, because no one in our direct surroundings could ever relate or even understand what we mean when we talk about it. Feeling relief at having found a community that understands me doesn't mean that I'm happy others are suffering or that I don't want them to feel better, it's quite the opposite since I know what it feels like
When I tell people “Everything feels grey, I wish I could stop existing”, they hear “Everything feels black, I want to kill myself” They aren’t the same. Black is intense, everything feels bland. I don’t want to die, I just want to sleep for the rest of my life. Crying doesn’t feel good anymore at these times.
I actually wishing how great it is if I could spend literally 24 hours sleeping. Unfortunately it's not humanely possible so I need to deal with annoying thoughts inside my head
@@serpentinewolf7085 same here, I woke up for about 5mins every 12hours, and I probably wouldn't have gotten up on the fourth day if I wasn't desperate for water and consequently food. It was a good reprieve from the world, one that I would have loved to dive right back into rather than deal with people constantly asking me if I'm alright as soon as they saw I was awake. Of course I'm not, I've got depression and anxiety and living feels like psychological torture, and having to say that I'm doing alright to not get sent to a doctor to be prescribed pills that make the world even more desaturated or give me near constant migraines that make it impossible to go anywhere with bright light (like outside) without vomiting from the pain is not helping.
@@theapexsurvivor9538 damn, for me actually the sleep and being sleepy constantly just makes everything worse and even more bland, like being behind a tinted glass
Honestly, the best way I've found to explain this feeling is "I don't want to die, but I don't want to be alive either" because while it seems contradictory, anyone who has experienced this feeling will understand it
Personally i feel It this way, i have had enough of livivng in this world, but if i kill myself my mother and Brother are going to carry that burden Forever, if i could instead Just completely erase my existence, like if i never was Born at all, no one would suffer, and i wouldn't be forced to live a painful and meaningless Life only because otherwise i would cause other people pain, i dont want to make my loved ones suffer, but why do i have to permanently suffer? I have no purpose in life, i dont enjoy going out, i dont enjoy playing videogames, i dont enjoy social contacts, last time i went out with Friends was like 5 years ago.i dont even Remember when i started feeling like this... all of a sudden i stopped going out started feeling like Life Is not worth living, and now i am in a situation where the thing that i absolutely hate the most in this world, Is myself, i really Wish i could have never existed in the First place
And my Life basically revolves around things that numb my feelings, and i have tried so many things, i was given Xanax and another med that i dont Remember the name of and It didnt help at all in fact It even made me worse, i smoke hash and marijuana and It kinda helps, but nowadays my Life Is so empty, the only things i experience every day are guilt towards my mother, Who raised me and my Brother by herself, and anger towards what i could be, also the fact that as adult i cant provider for myself and the tought that i dont deserve anything Is omnipresent, i dont want people to tell me now beautiful Life Is, i once was a Happy Person when i was a child, but no i things stuff like, "was i Always supposed to be a worthless untalented leech" and knowing that there are countless people that in my position would appreciate this Life makes me feel even worse, like seeing children in africa walking barefoot, with no education, lack of food and clean water, and they still manage to do Better at Life then me, i dont know what to do or if i can do anything at all to change the way i see the world, some times i things about Little things i could do to improve myself, but then i never do nothing, i stay by myself and Just drag myself down, and i had a lot of things i wanted to achieve a lot of Dreams, but with time now the only thing i want Is to not suffer
It seems contradictory but it's not. Dying is an event that causes grief, trauma and financial costs to others. Non existence is a state of being (non being??). If I could achieve the state without the consequences that come with the action I wouldn't hesitate.
You don't want that. A coma results in another set of dreams resulting in another "life" experience. There is only two true ideals, to live, or to not exist, period.
@@kinginblack1120 I mean, do you really exist though - its kinda like the "if a tree fell in a forest, did it really fall?" kinda idea. If you're not aware of your existence - do you really exist?
It's good that we're able to discuss such topics without judgement from other people. Somehow, by sharing these thoughts and reflections, the world becomes a little less scary and a little less weird.
It’s crazy how a 5 min video can make your perspective about the world so drastically different . Try developing stronger beliefs , and doubting what this guy says instead of instantly typing after the video just because of that dopamine release you get from the reduction of existential angst you carry everyday.
@@ploppyjr2373 oh , what will you do ?, god I just looked at your videos , no wonder you have existential angst and meaningless existence with no information to be applied in any direction whatsoever except to project and blame
@@bulabuakn4013 you’re not very good at reading ig. It says something about a person when they always have something to say about other people. Imagine making an opinion about a person by looking at videos i made like 3 years ago. Isn’t that kinda sad. But I won’t judge but i know how to mind my business.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” ― Mark Twain
Funny that seems to imply that we existed before the universe did. All of us have been in comfortable nonexistence for an eternity before being conceived in our moms' womb.
Exactly! The weight of responsibilities, feeling like you’re not good enough, and the expectations you and others put on yourself can feel very heavy. Then it would be nice to be allowed to ‘just watch’ from the sidelines sometimes.
And then once you’re done observing everything you wish and are bored, you could just decide to “log off” so to speak, and there would be no pressure of continuing to live Though I’ve been invisible and overlooked for so long I’d hate to be only a spectator without any chance of ever being seen or felt or heard
Same I often postpone the thought but ik the elephants there watchin me The void starin at me n my mind And all the external envi with ppl doesnt make any sense
This, along with moments you remember of colours, but too vaguely to actually feel them. Then looking at the apathetic 'now' knowing that you did knew colours, but you can't get the gist of it. Putting it another way; knowing it exists, but not being able to prove that, experience it. It exists as just a fragile piece of memory, merely abstract, that you can't put much of your living trust on.
i thought everyone was faking it. Only after a long while since i have been through it did i realize "no, it wasn't them. how *I* used to percieve things was odd. "
@@pelin3925 Same here, I thought most faked it because I couldn't deal with the idea that I might have an issue. After 5 years of questioning if I suffer from depression, I'm realizing the constant questioning in itself means I probably should get help.
@@HeavyReign12 It really happens that way. My own understanding just naturally made sense to me and I couldn't wrap my head around how people could get excited about anything at all. It's not like I had the opportunity to get help at the time, definitely would if i could but even without it i think i made some progress. Rooting for you too.
This feels way more welcoming to me than a random stranger saying "Don't be depressed! There's so much to be happy about!" Because yes, there is so much to be happy about, but there is also so much to be sad, angry, and depressed about as well. Escaping it won't help; it will just temporarily pause the sad, angry, and depressing stuff until I come back. But if I get through all that stuff, who knows what will happen? Will I be happy, or will I get through it again?
Indeed. There was nothing really great about telling someone it was alright, and you should long for your own betterment. Because it felt and sounds like they never really try and understand, or even experienced such a thing before. I mean, it was obvious when they say something like that. They think, just because they became too sad and devastated at some point in their life, they can call it an experience with depression. Depression is not just sadness. It was an illness that will always drag you down to your darkest moments. There was no such need for a reason to be sad about. It just makes us feel hatred towards ourselves and our surroundings that we just wanted to no longer exist. It was never alright, and there was no self betterment. It sometimes irritates me to hear people who gives advice to something they do not really understand. And it makes me lose control of my emotions when it was too much to handle. I have already lost count of how many times have i considered of ending my life and making plans for it. But thinking of my family, even if I don't really interact too much and show that something was wrong with me for a long time. It just makes it more painful to leave behind everything with no explanation for it to happen.
You can never get through it. There will be moments of happiness inbetween but they can never last. It's unending. Because as long as you you can think hardship WILL continue. You will spend your whole life getting through it just to take part in the few bits of happiness. That is your choice :) I'm being cynical yeah, but this is a reasonable logical fact. Just don't give yourself false hope of eternal happiness afterwards.
I don’t want to exist. Not die. But not exist. I want to be an overseer. Not someone who is in any situation to make choices, but rather watch and just watch.
youre not mentioning the desire to just be forgotten and to be conviniently remembered when you decide to come back. personally, i would like to just see how everything plays out without me there, how everybody would go about their lives without my daily reachout, how everything changes, for the best or for the worst... just to come back to whatever i know is waiting for me, to be greeted like the usual, to be warmed by people i love again... this can also be described as taking a break from life, but im getting redundant here.
My therapist described this to me as Morbid Ideation rather than Suicidal Ideation. A lot of the time people think it's the same thing, but I don't want to hurt myself. I am even scared of dying. There are just times when I'd rather not be an active participant in life.
I’ve always felt terrible when I’m would have panic attacks because it feels like I’m dying and I’d be scared even though I thought I wanted to die. You said it very well and I feel the same. Sometimes I just don’t want to be. Thank you for sharing and I hope you’re well
This is completely the same with me. I’m terrified of death, but sometimes I just wish I could fade away from everything. Hopefully we can all stick it out.
I can relate to this. Sometimes I just think to my self "wouldn't it be better to not have to deal with any of this?" Like I don't want to kill myself I just think it would be easier to just not be here. There's not a single reason to do any of this so why do I try to make my life better day by day even if it doesn't seem to work. I like life I guess, it's just sometimes really exhausting. At the same time, I'm scared of not being alive and what's to come after death. So I just go along with life.
Exactly Thats why i love introspection n reading By writing down all my passing thoughts n contemplating life through an open mind n learnin the cosmos give a sense of transcendence Also drugs help
When I am feeling this desire to not exist, I liken it to the feeling of playing a video game you don't hate, maybe you even really like it at one point, but you're now finding it tedious and you're tired of it, and you just feel like "eh, I don't want to play anymore. I want to put my controller down and walk away."
I guess it only makes sense for non-depressed people. The difference between the time left before nothingness being "mostly fine, with good potential" and "mostly awful, with horrifying potential". The difference between "why not, some great things could still happen" and "let's not, before anything even worse happens". Full disclaimer, I don't fully understand where the video is coming from. It seems to come from a place where the question "is life, overall, good?" has already been answered with "most definitely", then asking "should nothingness take over life?". It only makes sense to ask if nothingness could possibly somehow be "better than good". Which I think no one ever thought it was. If life is bad, the question makes sense if nothingness could be "better than bad" or in other words, "neutral". Now that is a place and moment to ask the question.
@@DJC_2003 hey mate, sorry for the late reply, but won't experience what? Unless I'm misunderstanding, that's actually the point, you don't have to experience anything for nothingness to be better than life, you only have to stop stop experiencing suffering. The same way you can experience rape, but can't really experience "not-rape", yet the latter will obviously always be better. The abscence of suffering is a good in itself, without needing to be experienced.
I’ve thought a lot abt this. A lot of times having this feeling of “I don’t want to exist.” Except not necessarily thinking of suicide as an escape from that. I don’t want to “exist”, but it’s also like... “I want to *never* have existed in the first place.” But that’s impossible, even if I were to take my own life. I would still have existed. I feel functionally “dead” a lot of the time & neglect social media bc of this intense feeling of just not wanting to “exist” for a little while. Not wanting to be known. Not wanting to be observed. Not wanting to do or be anything. But then that clashes w/ the side of me that *does* want to do things, or be something. But then there’s the side that feels there is something inherently “ugly” or “wrong” abt my existence, and nothing I do can ever change that, so then I feel I’d rather not exist at all, or have existed. But, there are things I still care about. Sentimentalities. I still want to make something that will make someone happy. I still think the world is pretty amazing, even tho it’s also really really awful and Idk what to do abt it. There are things I’m still thankful that exist. It’s just hard to capture and maintain those sentimental feelings sometimes, when i still feel so dead inside. There are things I like, but sometimes I just can’t feel anything. I’m sure that anxiety and fear of the worst plays a part in that. I’m thankful for this video.
Notice the number of 'buts' in this comment. That's really how depression is like for me. One moment you can feel all fine but the next moment you just feel like dying. You can have happy moments for a short while, but the next moment your heart just aches and you feel like crying. The 'buts' never ends. "But I want to live long and have someone to love me, but I'm scared of being hurt again, but what if I will meet that someone eventually, but what if this day never comes and I'll suffer the entirety of my life?..." Sometimes I'm feeling hopeful but sometimes I just totally want to end it all. I question myself all the time to what am I still holding on to. Take care :)
I am beyond amazed that this video just popped up on youtube recommendation for me so that i can find out this comment section ( this one especially) and realize i am not the only who feel like this. This whole comment just described perfectly my thinking process whenever i’m just genuinely tired of just existing and for that, I’m grateful
Whenever I feel this way it's mainly when I feel stuck in the "go to sleep, wake up, new day" loop. That every weekend feels nice, then you're hit with another long week. Another thing that triggers my want for nothingness is how stressed I feel about time passing. I'm quite young, and I know that eventually I'll have to be much more responsible and independent. Theres nothing I can do to stop myself from becoming more adult and life passing by, it's scary. Every time this happens, I tell my boyfriend "I just want to be a plant"
I feel you. I feel like I've overstayed my time in the "youthful person struggling to adult" because I'm 21 now and I feel like it's time for me to actually do things. Nope, I'm just living in my parent's basement, still struggling to adult, or even find reasons to adult.
I felt a pretty strong desire to at least lack some human processes like digestion and such and instead to photosynthesise when I was a pre-teen, though back then I didn't think much about the responsibilities and pressures that being older brings; I think I would've felt more along the lines of what you're describing if I was more aware of things like that back then, honestly sometimes I still just want to be a unspecific plant with like a leaf or two and just vibe without any particular feelings
knowing i wont ever be able to kill myself and thus having to exist against my will for the whole rest of my life is such an existential bummer, ive gone beyond being depressed because theres nothing left to be depressed about, theres just nothing, really, its so chill, im just chilling, im just trying to make my life pass by painlessly until i can hopefully peacefully die in my sleep before im old enough to die slowly, alone and demented
I cant chill. My homework, responsibilities, duties, works... I want to chill but I cant. I am not allowed, thats why death is the final way for me to chill, and I do want to chill.
@@LazariusTheGreatest I am putting so much hard work for a life that won't be used. I am trying so hard for nothing. The torture part is have to be good and perfect at many things because others want me to be. I don't have the option of laziness or just doing nothing. Whatever you call it. I am building a perfect future life even it will not be lived. It is all meaningless. My first job when i will be an adult or in uni is killing myself. About suicide, i tried simple things but not further. It hurts how I know i can go further but my human being cowardice stops me. I just go slower and wish for a car to hit me, but believe me my reflexes will make me run away from car. So, i need more options but at 14 am not able to reach those options. I don't know, no one gave me advices about killing myself..
@@hiranur2494 u should take a step back bro it sounds like uve been hit with existentialism at a really bad time, but there's still shit u can do. Truth is ur only 14 and ur life hasn't really startedyet, as hard and dumb as this may sound-i found the best thing to do is literally just don't think about all the death stuff. Try to stop ur thoughts as much as u can and eventually ull start forgetting about it. U can try distracting urself with different stuff like video games or exercise but strangely a good thing u could try is getting into a relationship cus that'll take a lot of ur attention. If ur struggling with chilling u can try listening to music while taking care of ur responsibilities like homework, but if school really makes u that worried u can start ignoring it a little and even drop out as long as u have a plan. But more than anything u just gotta find something for urself. Try learning a new instrument or martial arts or skating all that fun stuff. Try to move on.
@@hiranur2494 as advice just do like me, my goal in life is to enjoy it before i die and have fun so when i am on my death bed i can just remember the good memories and die peacefully. Even tho i am trying to keep school out of my business and its hard just ask ur friends to send u some h.w by trading them a sandwich or smthn. Just be lazy and you'll find the easiest solution for everything. When it comes to important things ask urself: would it matter to me in 5 weeks. If the answer is yes ask urself: will i regret not doing this in the next 10 years.
Exactly, it's a numbness towards life. I'll be perfectly fine with dying in my sleep. But I won't be killing myself. I just simply exist until I naturally die from health complication or an accident out of my control.
Same here. Life scares me so much. I have anxiety, simple things are hard. In the midst of unreasonable stress and panic, death sounds like the permanent calm I've been wanting.
It's not about really ending yourself It's about ending the pain, the problems, responsibilities, pressure all of it makes me want to just cease to exist or dissappear at times. I actually would like to live for a long time It's just that there are times where I wish I could flip an off switch.
Sometimes it feels like I'm playing a game and I just want to logoff for a bit and take a break from the waves of stress and my own brain relentlessly making my life hell with anxiety and self hatred. But I can't and I have to keep playing.
@@leopardwing9763 yeah, it's like being forced to play dark souls but you can't quit out till you beat the final boss. So you just keep screaming and crying as you bash your head against Centipede because you accidentally did Eingyi drop without beating Sen's...
Sometimes, I wish I could just crawl into a corner and never have existed. Living for a long time sounds awful. Feel your body begin to age, your mind will also probably deteriorate (Alzheimer’s runs in my family, so mine will vanish entirely at some point), you still have to go through all the pains you experience now and also new pains: like horrible people succeeding in life, wonderful people failing in life, people you know succumbing to addiction, you’ll probably get married and divorce or not ever marry, and if you do have children, watch yourself go from a father/mother to just an old person that nobody cares about waiting for death in a home or hospital.
I'm not really that suicidal, but I have been, and I wouldn't be alive if not for a lack of motivation to even leave by bed, much less kill myself, but I never really wanted to die. I fell into a persistent depression that I've never escaped from, and I soon after began to seriously contemplate suicide. I wanted to stop the pain, and if suicide's what it takes then so be it; it was never really about death or dying, it was simply a means to an end. All I want is to stop being depressed, but depression tends to stick with you for the rest of your life, but it can be managed and there is a capacity to feel again.
"Depression is the biggest, most inclusive club in the world. Anyone in the world can join. But its biggest trick is convincing everyone who's a part of that club that they're the only member."
@@Yea___ no you're not alone, it is true tho that we tend to sometimes underestimate the amount and the kind of people who also feel like this, often in our own viscinity, atleast that's what I would observe
