The Double Jeopardy of having TWO narcissistic parents  

My mom was malignant narcissist, father was a covert narcissist. Always felt and lived like an orphan. 43 years old, just discovering about narcissist personalities. Constant fights, fear, lies, betrayal, verbal and physical abuse. Now I know why I always felt like nothing, why I didn't want to live, why I was only happy when I was away from home, why I was always sad.

There are not enough videos and discussions about BOTH parents… there was no escape 😢

So I am assuming I am not the only scapegoat who feels the need to consistently over explain myself due to fear of being misunderstood or judged?

Sounds like my parents they fought EVERY meal

I think overt and covert narcissists come together and stay bonded together in an eternal struggle - far more often than people think.

My dad was some sort of narcissist with bipolar disorder and my mom a covert narcissist. Of course they fought with each other, and when he left my mom turned her violence to me. I was the scapegoat for a very long time, until I left at 15. I am now a healthy individual and on the road to being a successful artist ✨. I have a daughter and the fact I get to teach her healthy brings me so much peace and joy, the generational curse stops with me.

Having two narcissistic parents is a special kind of childhood hell. You have to be very strong to survive.

Thank you for sharing. Also have two narcissist parents. It has been a miserable experience being their son, but surviving it has been my path to empathy and compassion for myself and ultimately others. All my love and healing light to you, the best is yet to come!

48 years old. Just now figuring out I was the scapegoat with two narc caregivers. Mainly because my sister's children are now older teens and their grandparents just can't handle it. My sister is now seeing the behaviours that I got from our parents as a child as our parents are giving her kids the silent treatment, telling them what to think and on and on. Talking with my sister I was shocked to learn that our parents never gave her the silent treatment growing up. That was their go-to for me. Wrong facial expression = silent treatment, going bed and forgetting to say goodnight = silent treatment. 1 minute late = silent treatment for days. Luckily though my sister and I get along great, and even more so, now that she has seen behind the mask and hasn't had a real relationship with them for the past 3 years.

I really do feel your pain and I admire you for speaking out on it. Both of my parents are narcissist and it's been a detriment to my life. As a scapegoat I have attracted narcissist partners and friends. It's been really difficult for me to deal with. Seeing your strength gives me hope. Thank you for sharing your story. 💗

Im 44 and the fantasy life I created in my mind exploded 4 years ago when I triggered a narc injury in the mother and literally every covert narc trait was dished out . She is a covert narc, dagger is a weak enabler with narc traits. Both gaslit me until I no longer existed on this planet. Reached out go my brother and sister for help and both ignored me, not because we were in bad terms or anything, but because they just didnt care. So I was effectively erased by my whole family. I now realise how so many of my issues are related to the narc abuse and gaslighting I experienced my whole life. I think the worst part is the neverending feeling of emptiness that was borne out of never being allowed to exist as myself and no emotional support or warmth as a child

39 years old and just "woke" up to the fact I have 2 Narc parents and I was their scapegoat. I don't know if I will ever stop apologizing or feeling guilty. My husband is the one who has finally coaxed me into putting it together, and the saddest thing is I was still under their control 5 years ago. Who does that? How could I not see? I have spent three decades trying my best to be a selfless, caring individual that they would finally think I'm a good person, tell me I'm a good mom. But.. No, not for me. I get the whispers, the looks, the "don't let her go in your house by herself" language. My whole family thinks I'm a bad person, I know what my parents have said about me. But the truth is, that I am the best person in my family. I have many many issues due to them, but years of being so honest that I overexplain everything in my life, I overshare in hopes you won't think the worst of me. I am a very honest, deeply loving individual that would rather destroy herself than to cause harm to another individual. I just need a little more time, patience, reassurance and understanding than some. That's it, it's so sad to think that I have spent so much time wishing they loved me, questioning everything I have ever done. Just to come to the realization that my parents have never loved me, that my siblings don't love me and that I have no family and no reputation. Wish me luck ❤️ Good luck to all yall.

You are strong and all those who've had narcissistic parents are strong for putting up with all that and not killing themselves.

👏 Brava!!! So glad you've started this channel. Yes, my two NPD parents worked their bizarre charade together, in lock-step, for almost 50 years. After the husband she idolized died, covert mommie was coddled like a Faberge egg by my four fully programmed sibs, for another 25 years. Scapegoats see everything, because we are innately gifted with superpowers. I love ❤️ every one of us. 🦊🦊🦊My Papillon is a bit narcisstic, but she's empathic so...no she isn't a narc. Lol

It sounds like you were the family truth-teller, reflecting back the rational sanity in an irrational environment. Good on you for speaking up! Brave child and justice minded. When you said "Well, I paid for it too" i had to chuckle. So did I, but dern! It was was worth it at times, wasn't it?! Speaking the Truth to blatant bull&%it is its own reward! A strength of the scapegoats--being fiercely independent thinkers. My mom was a raging alcoholic and my dad a malignant socipathic N, (JMHO) as was my step mother, so i got it on all ends. Very high price for telling the truth. But someone had to do it. Honestly it was like being in an asylum, was parentified very young, and felt for decades that this whole lot i was born into, it was as if they were toddlers in adult bodies. I resented having to be old before my time, cook, clean care for sis at age 8. They can't think long term, they can't connect the dots, why? My mom used to tell me i was switched at the hospital, she alleged she got the wrong child. What a comfort that thought is to me now in some strange way. To mom's credit at the end, she did apologize and we mended our relationship. I was so glad. When sober, she was very caring and empathic person. She was treated terribly by my bio dad, and he caused her and us all enormous trauma. He tried to alienate me and pitted all relationships. He wanted the role of hero, or victem or martry, and deluded himself. The real heros are survivors of such insanity. I believe he caused her dive into drinking. Oddly, he tried to blame me for that and everything else, then again He specializes in lie and smear campaigns whenever it serves him.

My parents were the exact same. My father was a rager. And mom the victim.

It's so crazy. Till this day I thought my father was the only one who has been abusive and a narcissist, comes to find out that my mom has been the same. It took me 21 years to realize all of that. When I tried to talk with her about my traumas, she would deny all of them. Acted as if she doesn't remember anything, then gaslighted me. It felt like a bad dream, I couldn't believe it. I feel so numb by the fact that I haven't seen all these things sooner ..

Wow, your story is so similar. I have a covert mother, but my father was one way with the kids and one way with mom so I haven't quite figured him out as he exhibits a lot of characteristics that overlap. I too, am still trying to untangle it and unravel it as well. Being a scapegoat carries a long time of worthlessness and feelings of insignificance. I am strong, but there are some things that still hold me back. I am glad to see those of us coming together to share and know that we are not alone. We have ALL the power and the world needs us-thanks for all you said and taking the time out to give back to those of us who have suffered. I love your "woodland setting' as you say it. I can't wait for my move to the pacific northwest this August. Thanks scapegoat club!

Unfortunately I'm one of the few that had two narcissistic parents and not only was abused emotionally but also was physically abused and it wasn't if it was going to happen but when. And a lot of the time I had no idea what I had done wrong... Growing up in a house that made me feel unwanted and unloved I knew that house or any house as long as I were to live with my parents would never be my home...

Two n parents: mother is overt, father is covert. My mother made my daughter her GC in the sickest way. Their way is the only way. I'm the only child of 7 that spoke up. I was discarded like garbage. I have CPSTD, along with major depressive and anxiety disorder, OCD, ADHD and dyslexia. I'm doing much better but it was touch and go for quite a while. Even though they are dysfunctional, it's a core loss. I felt lost a sea for a long time . You're right, calling them out does not make for a happy life. I had major insomnia too. I have been reading about it for the last 15 years and I'm still trying to understand it too. Glad you stayed true to yourself. I did too. Good for us!

You are so brave, thank you for sharing. It’s healing to listen to your story and feel validated in my own experience ❤

Both parents. Hardest day was around 8yrs when I realized how screwed up my home was after visiting cousins at Christmas. Parents were all stick and no carrot, no warmth at all, older sibling was the golden child and I was the scapegoat occasionally trotted out for public humiliation. One thing I see from reading about other victimized children is how many were yoyo'd with carrots, but I became a self-loathing, unloved perfectionist who couldn't do anything right. My sister suffered the same downfalls as myself but framed them differently because of small bonuses like her childhood freedoms, expenditures specifically for her, and a bit of boomer luck deeper into the generation curve, all of which were gone by my time. We weren't played off each other; it was like two individual adopted children who just happened to live together. Divorced around age 11, then I lived with my mother and got the full blast of her manipulation and hypocrisy without my father tempering her through their balanced antagonism. It was my mother who clarified things by introducing some carrot aspects to my life of which there were none previously. I quickly learned she would only help me if it fit her ideal of control. Most obvious was the difference between the managed public-facing image versus private reality, but she was the safer choice to survive my teen years. I behaved badly for a couple of teen years but soon realized it was my life and my choices that mattered, no matter how hopeless things seemed. I failed anyway, not understanding I wasn't equipped to flick a switch and suddenly become a well-adapted individual. Cut them off about age 22, 38 years ago along with the rest of my clan who weren't as deserving. I have no feelings about my parents and I'm possessed by my own failings, blame, and guilt. I don't even hate them; I just don't care and they don't exist to me. The narcissist thing came up when I first saw Trump in his presidential campaign period, and was shocked at seeing what could have been an alt-version of my own father. Until then I don't think I'd ever spoken the word narcissist or fully understood what it meant, and a whole new era of my life began when I started to see myself through others eyes. For me, feeling empathy is all pain. The problem, now, is trying to accept a lifetime of normalizing that I didn't appreciate how badly I was failing at.

You sound like me over explaining why it's true they are narcs, a remnant of never being believed. Power to you girl, I believe you x

I’m 47 years old from a Persian background who migrated to the States in the late 70s. Recently, I have discovered what narcissism is and your explanation of your parents is horrifying similar to my experience. It makes sense why I have Dysthymia with Major Depression. I never felt comfortable in the presence of my Father and still do not. My mother constantly lies and when I catch her lies, she indicates her heart hurts….. They took the spirit of individualism and independence. Anything which I ever wanted to do was criticized because it wasn’t their idea. They will never fix themselves. May God burn them in hell.

Powerful Sister You speak from hearth!!!! With pain !!!! Have the same issue

Silence is the better voice . Trust is rare.

My logic is based in how my narcissistic parents both insisted on interferring behind my back, triangulating, and pathologizing me around their obsession. My logic is also based in the fact that the therapist they picked after shopping around for a diagnosis to justify their contention that pathologizing me as their identified patient included proof thru ACTION that their motive was that. They found a therapist, insisted upon meeting her, insisted on paying her in order that they get written reports on me, utterly violating the very confidentiality which is the underpinnings of healthy therapeutic processes and practices! The therapist, HERSELF told her diagnosis of THEM. She actually said they were "narcissistic, emotionally abusive, and (that the healthiest thing I) ever did was to move as far away as possible." Everything they did harmed me in the name of helping me.

I’ve watched this many times and previously commented. It’s still so painful watching you. Your explaining exactly but my parents are the other way round. It’s so interesting watching you describe the covert abuse…and then realising they are the snake….then thinking the other one at least you know where you stand. God !!! Why did they have us. What is the answer ! Even though I love them. I think when they die I will be free. I recently was diagnosed with a benign liver cyst….post cancer so was a big deal finding this out. She keeps asking me about my fatty liver ! She even asked if my tummy sticks out cos of my fatty liver. She knows full well I do not have a fatty liver. She tells me I put my children to bed at midnight. My physio degree was weird learning massage for 3 years, how can I return to work after maternity as I wouldn’t know what to do, you live in a council flat over and over…..Where does it end

Thank you for your honesty. I somehow felt the energy of truth and pain in you. For me it’s still difficult to believe that I was raised alone by myself despite there were responsible people. Sadly I subconsciously started to be parent for grown people at young age just to survive. All the time fog and not safety. I’m glad to find people who survived the endless cycle of hell and share the stories.

❤cute you can laugh about the custard. I was scapegoated by my mother and golden child of my father. I now have BPD. Thank you for your honesty and courage ❤ proud of you

Sounds like my family. Wow I thought I was alone. I just woke up to this issue about a month ago and I’ve already got the silence treatment. It was my fault that I couldn’t take the plane during the pandemic after the airline cancelled my flight no communication for 3 months. This is disgusting these people who behave this way. I got coverted constantly. I enjoyed this video. My dad is an old British ma. From Bristol war time.

My situation was opposite to yours - my mother was the dominant narc, more in your face, but also a martyr, always sick etc...I figured her out about 10 years ago ( for a long time I thought she was "just" difficult personality), but my father was far more covert, hidden behind my mothers overt crazy. Even though there were many situations, odd coments, bad behaviour, betrayals, lack of any interrest etc...I only saw him for what he is after my mother died ....3 years ago. At first I thought he had dementia, but it must have been the lack of fuel, his mask fell down, not just slipped and his behaviour was just...shocking. I moved to live with him, cause it was such a chaos. I think he is an inverted type of narcissist...and not a codependent one as I thought before. There are many situations from the past that I now interpret totally differently than before and things that make me wonder, what had acctually happened. It really sucks big time to figure out you have /had two of them.

Hi, I am in Australia, I also grew up with two narcissists parents. My mother I believe is Malignant Narcissist, she is a monster. My father was just a regular type of narc. very tyrannical. It's scared me and I ended up picking men who were also narcissistic.

My mom my mom is a victim narcissist and my dad is more of a communal narcissist. Between the two of them I’m just glad I turned out as well as I did. Really I should be more of a mess and I also get sad about the fact of how much wasted potential there was. I was a gifted child, if it had been cultivated properly my life could be so different. My school wanted to slip me ahead a year like 3 years in a row but my dad wouldn’t let them. He literally held me back from excelling. Don’t get me wrong I’m still pretty successful. I’m working on my second associates degree at the moment but it took me a long time to heal from everything that happened and start caring about school again. Since my dad held me back I got bored in school and stopped trying in school and clung to my extra curricular activities that could get me out of the house after school. I did honors choir, show choir, basketball, junior cheer, volunteer work. By high school I didn’t really care about anything anymore because I was unstable/depressed at this point and started using all array of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Made it to college but dropped out. Went back 5 years later and now I’m on my second degree and have a nice apartment. Life is good. It’s just sad when you know you’re parents will never be the proper emotional support they should be. Father’s Day is rough💔

That joke was hysterical!! “For sure.. it’s a donkey”

I HAD two. As in HAD. Went no contact two weeks ago. 🎉

I seem to have suffered the same as you (more or less) by your descriptions. My father had to have custard, cream, or ice cream with his dessert. But most poignantly, there had to be dessert and dinner HAD to be on time. Dad had to be the most important family member at the dinner table. We were whacked about our heads without knowing it was coming and without justification. My parents took from me approx. at least 30 years of my life from their interfering

Sounds so familiar. I’m 53 and just learning all these terms. They robbed my whole life from me, ruined from the start. They still control me

They offer support with strings attached, then hold their “help” over your head. Meaning you now have to submit to their toxic boundary violations.

Thank you for this. I've been lost and this was helpful. Insightful. Sounds familiar.. All too much so. The nature clip, the scenery, your demeanor. This was well composed and gave me the answers needed.

OMG, I had no idea others had this one. My dad had to have bread on the table at every meal. Every evening, my mother, who had a job outside the home, would prepare a lovely cooked meal and sit down to eat with the family. Within a couple of minutes after she’d settled herself, my dad would intone, “Why is there no bread on the table?” and my mom would jump out of her chair and scurry around grabbing a bread plate and piling it with bread and getting it on the table as fast as she could. Then, in the upset, I’d knock over my glass of milk. Every evening.

The scapegoats are always the reliable people.

Only child of two narcissists - malignant narcissist mother and covert, vulnerable narc dad - it’s a special kind of hell! Physically and mentally abusive controlling mom and verbally abusive and controlling emotionally absent father. I’m the total scapegoat

I have had 2 Narcissistic parents Dad is like another level

Thank you for sharing your story. Relatable.

Thank you for sharing your story. Mine is similar but my parents divorced when I was 7. Both of them still do things to intentionally hurt me-no idea why but the fact that they have been divorced so long (thus not influencing each other) made it even harder for me to understand the problem wasn’t me. It took an abusive, narcissistic ex-husband to show me what narcissism is and finally make me understand that my parents have always been narcissists. They still support him and invite him and MY son to family holidays. It’s taken me years to learn and accept myself. I’m very happy with myself and I know I’m more at peace than they will ever be. I don’t carry any anger or hate in my heart for them, I just won’t have them in my life. The work you are doing will save lives. Thank you so much❤

Thank you for sharing this video. My story is very similar to yours...

I took my eldest sibling/sister to a doctor several years ago after finding out about her deteriorating health condition (the universe told me to call her out of the blue, we have only spoken/interacted during holiday get togethers since childhood). He used muscle testing of her through me as a diagnostic tool (my sister could not physically do the technique that is required for the Y/N answer from her body so I held her hand). One of the things that came up was shame from my mother's side of the family and it came from her grandfather on her dad's side. I have not shared this with anyone other than one other person (a friend of mine).

looks like your dad, was like my mom and your mom like my dad . thank you so much for sharing your perspective . for me its like the ultimate proof both of my parents really are narcissists. and i musnt deny it any longer. it is freakin sad, for me its the most painful emotion =(((((((( screw humans

Coverts are far worse in my experience. Once you know, it's a tug a war of hope and knowledge, but when you don't the realization is just as traumatizing as all the abuse. And I have a child with w a malignant overt narcissist. Coming to terms with this shatters your entire concept of reality. Shell shock. The only family relationship I had was with my sister, but when the mask came off i realized all the guidance she provided was manipulation. A life of sabotage by the longest "loving" attachment I knew. Major betrayal trauma. Having narcissistic parents is tough, but it was losing the sister I thought I had that destroyed me.

Similar here. I am in awe because for so many years .. my mother caused the most pain. Was the most obviously abusive and neglectful. Just figured out.. through quietly paying ATTENTION.. both of them are.

I fell down the stairs as a toddler and dislocated my shoulder. My parents didn't even take me to the doctor. Only a chiropractor who was in the family. My arm is so messed up today and has been my whole life because it never healed right. And every time I have an issue with it they blame me of course

You don't need to have anyone diagnose them. I call it pathological self-reference.

Thank you so so much for doing this. Just discovered that mine were and are narcissists and the scars run deep for me.

Wow! J! How amazing! I was raised in such a similar way? I think I had 2 narcissist parents and now my only sibling is a narcissist too. My only grandparent grandma supported them in this. All other grandparents died. I have chosen to go No Contact from 2nd April 2023 and I am doing well. I am in UK and I think you are in USA but hello!

This past 2 years I've become more aware of one of them being covert... This is all after I've learned soo much by experience from a highly toxic relationship and learned from it what a Narcissist was, before then I had no idea what one was and rarely even heard the term. But not more recently I've noticed that both of them are but one being Covert, and the other is Overt. The one I had been thinking is Covert is actually the Overt one... it's very difficult to deal with!

Two narc parents. Both are irresponsible with money and refused to provide basic necessities to us as high schoolers. Kids were rotating scape goats. Deep into conspiracy theories. Repeated arguments between parents. Just constant yelling. Someone was always angry. Kids had to “pull their weight” by doing absolutely all of the chores, dropping off and paying for household bills, etc. as eldest daughter, when I left, they hired a maid.

Covert/passive aggressive narc enabling father - subtle guilt, gaslighting since childhood, shaming who contributes and enables the malignant/victim narcissistic mom ( who has a whole community fooled ) mother accuses me of bullying and being the narc. Both triangulate , both youngest of their family, both neglected/ verbally abused by parents.

Thank you. My mother was a schizophrenic alcoholic and was not functional. I had to take on a parental role. My father was forced to take custody of us and took his anger about it all out on me. My mother abandoned us and refused the court ordered classes in order to be able to see us. My father’s five different wives did not stay in touch. Sadly I realized that I was his scapegoat and my siblings were more than willing to throw me under the bus to stay in his good graces and now that he has passed want to continue the behaviors he exhibited. I am the only one that sought therapy to recover from all the trauma we went thru and that does not use alcohol and denial to cope but am accused of “abandoning” them.

Both my parents are narcissistic. Since I started to speak up I literaly have no one in ny family. It feels so unfair because I have always been there for all of them even though I was used and a used. Now I have gotten ill. And instead of worrying about me they are shaming me for not working.

I have the same setup and can’t unlearn unsee all these peculiar patterns!! All this after a rough burnout

My mother is more of a psychopath. She has a lengthy violent record with time spent in and out of the penitentiary and mental institutions. She would torture me sometimes for hours and would rarely concern herself with even feeding me. She would berate me constantly saying the absolute worst things that you could say to anyone. I was on my own and would run the streets from an early age. It's hard to even describe the times I spent in her custody. My father, is the most apathetic uncaring person you'll ever meet. He's a bit of covert narc, but he can be more aptly described as a world class prick. I would go years at a time during my childhood without even hearing from him, even though he lived in the same town as me. He would always act really bothered and would always have an excuse or act really put out whenever I asked him for help, so learned to stop going to him for ANYTHING. It was hell. I suffered in plain sight and no one ever did a damn thing to help me except for my grandparents and they were both gone by the time I was 14. One of the reasons that I have found it hard to talk about is how unbelievable it all is. The things that my mother did to me and subjected me to are so far beyond what a normal person could imagine that I always felt like a lair whenever I would tell someone about any number of things that she's done to me. Both parents are now in their 70s and they have no friends at all. Their families treat them with kid gloves or are in and out of no contact with them. They are both known for being very toxic but I got to see a much darker side of them than anyone else. Recently my mother "apologized" for never making me breakfast. It was a gut punch because she never made me dinner or lunch either save for a handful of times. The best I would get was fast food a few times a week. My father never apologized to me at all. And no, I'm not exaggerating. It was every bit as bad as I described and worse. At least I don't have to be one of those people who have to wonder whether or not their narcissistic parents loved them. It was painfully obvious that they did not. Even today, any contact with either of them (but especially my mother) can cause a physical reaction not so different than a panic attack. It can take me a few days to decompress from even a short interaction with either of them. They literally make me sick.

Father grandious narc Mother covert narc Peachy life 😔

Girl you said all the same things I did

Hi Chess, just stumbled upon your video today. Like you, I was/am the scapegoat in my family of origin. The scapegoat son of a malignant narcissistic father and then I was scapegoated by the whole family, including extended family. Even my narc sister's in-laws used to look at me apparently in shock and horror. I knew it had to do with my sister but at the time I was a practising alcoholic and I would get in trouble because of it and so I thought it was because of my alcoholic scrapes that I often caught my sister's father-in-law looking at me as he was trying to match the things he had been taught about me with the person he was looking at and judging from the look on his face, it was obvious that I was being accused of having done pretty horrific things. For me I first had to get sober before I could make sense of all that, before the penny actually dropped. It's only recently that I've been able to separate the two, my alcoholism and addiction problems and the way my family reacted to them which was not normal at all. Even when I made my amends to them, it didn't change anything to the family dynamic. It just confirmed to them that I'm the bad guy forever and a day. Accepting that I'm just a sick guy is not an option to them, because if I'm not the baddie, then who might that baddie be? And of course they don't wanna go there. I was more lucky than you, only my father was narcissistic. My mother was actually a very good person, full of light and goodness, and she did try to protect me from my father's abuse, both psychological and physical, but, as she was the narc's main supply, she herself became quite sick and sadly, after a while, she went along with the narc's scapegoat narrative. I resented her for that for a long time, for having betrayed me as a child, for not defending me against my father. But she did divorce his sorry ass after 20 years of a sham marriage. Of course, by then my father had already found her replacement whom he proceeded to marry as soon as he could. For a long time, I thought that my stepmother was a long-suffering codependent, but recently I've come to think that she may be more of an inverted narcissist herself. She certainly was the narc's zealous assistant for over 40 years. Anyway, thanks for your videos. I get a lot of identification from them (as in "Yep, been there, done that etc") and they're very enlightening as well as soothing. Btw, I hope you don't mind me asking, but you sound very British at times and you look even more British. Are you Canadian? I ask because, being of Anglo-French heritage, I'm not always very skillful at telling an American accent from a Canadian one. God bless and take care!

I was raised with 3 narcissists-dad, mum and my only sibling, a brother 3 years older than me and the final surviving grandparent who helped them to treat me like I was a nasty little piece of difficulty. But I'm 60 now. They are still alive aged 88 86 and 63. I went No Contact this year 2023. I have CPTSD and Fibromyalgia and IBS and restless legs syndrome and anxiety and major clinical depression but!!! But!!! I have gone NO CONTACT 😀

Both parents are narcissist and so is my older brother. All 3 used me as their supply. Now trying to heal even though they live on the street behind me I have cut ties

I can Relate 🙏🏿🙏🏿and your comment about Narc animals, I literally had that Thought yesterday…. I Hope Not , coz my other cat claimed my Dad and I Hope he didn’t turn her away from me too🥺😩😰🧐🙏🏿🙏🏿

two narcissistic parents is crazy. I've had one - and still have a narcissistic mother, my father was an empath. My father is dead and i dont see my mother anymore ...it is her way or the highway, I don't count ...when my father was alive he played normal, now she is a narcissist and she is crazy ...no contact is the solution for me

Covert mom/enabler and overt dad. My brother was the golden child to my mom and i was the scapegoat, and i was the golden child to my dad and also the invisible child. They refused to get divorced so i think they used us as stand ins... Dad was an alcoholic and only physically abused my brother, but it was chaotic as hell...I'm thankful to find i'm not alone in this, but sad we had to deal with this.

I'm 56 now. And reclaiming my life. I was Golden balls, but it was still awful. It takes a while to unravel. But when it does. You begin to see. And you chop out all the narcissistic friends and partners. Father is malignant narcissist. Mother was covert. The rows the physical violence. Afraid. To say I love you. As a child, always riding on my bike. Searching. For friends. Now I know I was actualy searching for love.Going to university was a fantastic move. I escaped. It makes you independent in the end. Convert narcissism, however, is so very difficult. To uncover, I discovered that the last three years of my mother's life. I poured my heart and soul into caring for that woman. I hope to give her a good life, to my detriment. Towards the end. I began to see everything. I felt used. It's not my position to do her bidding. And to act like a father figure to my sister. Financially supporting her and her kids. To my life detriment. For thatWas the key. To discovery. Her toxic nature. Because I felt protective as a result. Of my father. Perhaps to a fault? So I went from the jaws of fire. Into a pit of burning hell. Because of trauma bonding. I'm still single. My attachment style is avoidant. I feel smothered. If some people come too close. Uncomfortable. Because I don't know how to relate to people properly. Although you wouldn't know it. Because I'm quite gregarious. And if I put my mind to it. I can be the star of the show. I don't think you ever get over it. You just learn to manage with it. But it can make you fiercely independent. And for me, the good news. Is that I have a high need to achieve, So hopefully that keeps my life right. Going forward. It would be interesting to see what type of attachment styles everyone else has had as a result of this. Good luck everybody. I see you. And you are very special people. For still being here and going through all of that. I see you. xx

Double jeopardy 😂😂😂😂😂 34 here. My parents met in the USAF. My dad was a military commander and a regional manager for a city. Who wants the blend of those 2 as a parent???? Emotionally cold and distant, very controlling when I lived with him. Cheated on my mom. Lied. Projects. Said my sister was fat to my mom and that if she got on the treadmill she could lose the weight. Told me I had "rouge on my cheeks" aka "Take your makeup off". Racist. Likes to be the center of attention for important days for other people's. He and my aunts ruined my baby sister's wedding. Texted babes the whole time for my birthday and ignored me even though he invited me out, and ended up trying to control me and talk about what I needed to do for my grandma when he took me out. 2 years in a row of that and I'm done doing it. He's always been jealous of my mom for making more money than him. Womanizing. Told my mom he would divorce her if she ever got fat. Asked to go out and get drinks with his best friend for my mom's birthday. Made her cry. Told her her outfit wasn't sexy when they had plans for his high school reunion and he put no effort into his outfit. I will never know if she was trolling him or if he was just the asshole. Either was he was still the asshole. Got caught for phone sex calls. Invited his ex gf and her son to come stay with us a few days. His mom worships the ground he walks on and lived next door to us. He shewed out my mom's parents one time because he "Forgot they were staying with us. My grandma told me she needed to grab my grandpa's insulin because he was a diabetic and he didn't care he shewed them out even though it was pre-planned." My grandpa never went to their wedding in the first place because he said my mom had already had one wedding he went to. Eventually I found out my dad was cheating on my mom because he began to become more distant and they divorced because of it. Even though he got served like a king, I picked up his slack because he didn't do anything once he got home to help my mom or with the kids, and he cheated on her. Very controlling when I lived with him. Eventually I got chest pain from working with a narc boss with anger issues who would steal from our checks at work. Then come and deal with his control. Mind you I wasn't loud, hardly ever came out of my room, didn't have friends over. I really just went on the internet to chat with guys, worked, went to school, saw coworkers and friends. He has gaslit me and my sisters when he had cancer to my aunt. I offered to help him with anything cancer related since my both my sisters have children. I suggested supplements for him. I asked what he would do if his next treatment didn't work like his next move. He said I was "putting him in a negative mindset." So I backed off and he told my aunt none of us cared that he had cancer. And my narc sister corrected him to my aunt. My mom has always had rage issues. She would say for my dad's behavior that he didn't know how to express his love or would get us a bunch of stuff and see that as love. She might go a month or 2 without a blow and basically be a 50s housewife then all of a sudden a rage blow like Jekyll and Hyde. Then an apology to follow and an "Are you mad at me?????" Picked on me as a scapegoat when I called out my sisters sexual abuse. She turned me into the family joke and I was punished for it 10fold. 1. Called a liar in front of my sexually abusive sister, 2. forced into therapy, 3. made fun of for washing behaviors and it was crazy, 4. Said my bf at the time wouldn't understand that, 5. Made fun of as the family joke because of that and mocked by the immediate family. 6. Didn't support my boundaries on my sister coming into my room or the shower if I tried to shut the shower door. 7. In fact she threatened to take my door off unless bla bla bla. 8. Lied to me that my sister died and part of me was relieved so I was silent. 9. She said I was going to hell. 10. I told her I was suicidal but didn't want to commit suicide because I was scared I was going to go to hell and she said I wouldn't go to hell. Controlled by my mom about everything that I was passionate about. Stripped of privacy, passion, career goals, constantly yelled at for having ADHD and getting bad grades, and yelled at for nothing in particular even though I was clean and made to watch my sisters and help them with their homework. She thought I couldn't hear her because I would listen to music (gotta have some escapism). So she had my ears cleaned out. Turns out I was just tuning her out. I would clean up after my sisters' messes. But if I didn't clean she would yell. She told me "I know you're gonna clean so I only yell at you." Gossips about skinny women AND overweight women. Racist. Likes to be the center of attention and cause a scene for important moments and birthdays including her own. My mom always hated on him growing up. She wants a Christian man for me with money who's conservative because they will "get along better with the family." But I want a man with good morals and values. She helped in sabotaging one man when I brought him home to meet the parents. Even though she promised she would be on her best behavior, she got angry upon hearing we were getting married. I had told her prior but apparently she forgot or was upset I was going to be happy or something. Even though my narc sister got married in Vegas after knowing her spouse for only 2 mos. She took us to piano but hated on my piano music that it was too dark, hated that I wore black and made me not wear black to her wedding, and would always try to get me to wear color, hated my music, took my music and put me on blast in front of my sisters and hated on me for liking bad music for a song I didn't even like, aka rejected her own daughter and mass humiliated me and got mad at me publicly in front of the family, and controlled me into switching from interior design to a career more in line with what she wanted me to do. I honestly don't know why my parents had children. It's like they were always annoyed at us being children and acting like children. Thru wanted us to sit down, be quiet, and do nothing. Not play, not be loud, not run, not go outside, and not make a mess. Narcs want children to be extensions of themselves, and that wasn't us. And I found out about my dad cheating on the day I found out about my high school sweetheart cheating. My mom assaulted me on mother's day. Kicked me out during finals week.

I so relate to this thank you ❤️ Its very possible for both of them to be narcissists just different types.

I have two narcissistic parents, neither is very supportive or caring. I exist as a tool to them to make them feel better about their lives. They have little to no care about me. It has ruined me and made me unable to maintain a job, move forward, or have a healthy relationship with either of them. They treat me like a tool. Oh God, there are absolutely no boundaries. I could never have a door or even worse, a door with a lock. I was never allowed to get away. My dad would just follow me and keep going. I'm 37, and it is still the same way. I live with him because I suffer from such bad depression, anxiety, and I am a recovering addict. After I tried to take my life, I could barely move and couldn't feed myself, and barely had the energy to get up for the restroom. My dad was constantly making me do chores while I was recovering from a horrific suicide attempt... I was blind... I couldn't see... and I was being told to do dishes and weed the garden and mow the lawn, and I couldn't see... and I could barely feed myself... yet, there was my dad, constantly telling me what to do every single day. I have no friends. My dad has driven them all away. I can't get away... It's going to kill me.

I have been raised by my Mom who I believe is a narcissist, and my father was not in the picture for long but he has "narcissistic, anti-social sociopath personal disorder" diagnosis. He disclaim it tho its 100 % true, he also had a severe drug addiction off amphetamine, alcohol and heroin. My father and I don't speek. He has just gone "no contact" without a reason. But last couple of months my Mom did to. My elder sister and she had an argument of sorts where my sister confronted her about us being abused by her new husband whom she has been married with for 15 years. Sence they hade there argument. My mom. When no contakt. I've been talking to my mom like every day before this and then she just don't call and if she sends me a text its completely out off the blue not with any real content it's just weather and wind.. So I called her to say: if you want to talk to me I'm all ears but only when you stop lying. I don't have place in my life for unhonesty. She said OK. And that was it. I don't even know what to say.

I believe both my parents were. My dad was the main controller, he would beat my mum, then threaten to do stuff to the kids. My mum would constantly control us, keep quiet, so my dad wouldn't go off on one. When i was sixteen he left, my mum's character finally came out. She was a controller.

Not your dad being as controlling as mine🤮🤢 I am so so sorry that you experienced that. I hate that we had to bear the burden of having narcissists as parents. Glad you're healing and able to recognized that you stood up for yourself. You showed up for you

Thank you for this I’m 21 and I realized a year ago that my dad is a malignant narcissist which I realized a year ago, after getting out of toxic relationship with a narcissist and doing my research. However I just now realized my mom was also a narcissist as well just a different type.

Mine are 88, 86 and 63 now.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is so sad, but very similar to my life. You explain it clearly. So, I will probably share it with my adult children, who dear ol' dad successfully brain washed. My Dad was a malignant narcissist military hero! Mom was an angry alcoholic- mess. Both seemed to take sick pleasure in regularly subjecting me to "dressing-downs", making me stand in front of them while they sat telling me in many ways how worthless I was! Sadly they continued multi generational dysfunction. My prayers to Heaven are for you and countless other mistreated people.

My mom would say I was selfish when I asked her for most things. My dad took every one of my independent actions personally. They are both vulnerable narcissists with high social standing, and I live in abject poverty even though I designed a distributed computkng system.

I was never physically abused so part of me wonders why I feel anger towards my parents. It feels like I was a pawn in their sick divorce war. My mom manipulated me, if I ever lost my temper with either one of them they would threaten to call the police on me, at 13. I never did anything wrong but being young and naive they convinced me I would be locked up. My mom encouraged me giving my father a black eye at 14, she always played the victim and convinced me he was evil. I’m 19 now and I don’t want anything to do with them. Am I in the wrong? I sort of want to be, at least that way it means I do have a loving family and I’m just the issue. Looking for opinions, I’m not sure where to go with this

My parents said that a lot. My way or the high way. And yes she punished me if i did not do what she told me to do. I remember i did something really bad or something that i don’t remember and my mother got so mad at me she made me pluck weeds in the back yard!! I don’t remember what i did. Maybe i cut class idk. But i felt very unheard as a kid. I was sexually harassed by other kids too. And blamed for it

You are describing my family, except my mother was the one who beat me. I also like my father best, but could never figure out why.

I'm almost 30 years old and my father pretended to back hand (hit) my face TWICE when I said something he didn't like. I was trying to help him get set up for his retirement health insurance.

I actually believe it is quite difficult and very rare, for two narcs to marry and STAY TOGETHER. They need empaths.. It is possible one is an (enabler/empath) who picked up heavy traits from being in a toxic family and never healed... Often empaths do this as a way of surviving the narcissist damage and know nothing else, and are ok with hurting you to protect themselves, that's how scapegoating also happens... You can tell, because if the narc was not in the family, and only you and this enabler were, they would have been likely much better human beings and living a life more in alignment. This gives you insight into their deep charactaristics of who they are at their core.

Mother definitely had NPD. Possibly dark triad... I thought he was codependant and indoctrinated, but I am beginning to wonder , after 9 years of self-help therapy . Thank you

Once i realized my adopted family are narcs i am far more protective of myself now. I no longer have sex with men or engage in hook up culture because it’s more dangerous for a little lady like me

You are telling my story! Hahaha

Never safe, but affects all your relationships going forward. Didn’t recognize narcissism in a “best” friend. But now I know, she pegged me as having a deficit (while we were in college), lacking solid people skills. For many years, as she later lived long distance I knew something was off kilter. Then men…. thinking I’m picking someone nice- covert narcs! Now I know the signs.

They do whatever means to stay at the top of the hierarchy

Wow narcissist is the word of the year, every parent seems to be one

Both narcissistic parents, very neglectful, very manipulative, I truly felt like I was going to go nuts, being around them, and dad was a porn addict, mother was co depends end and spent most of her time taking naps every day of her life, never available, and never even noticed you qualities, did not promote education at all, really bad, so glad I am away from them.

You know what's sad When people are so stupid they don't understand reality and no matter how much time and effort and energy you put into trying to teach them something they are just blind because they've been completely indoctrinated by evil

Yes they rage at you if you question them. And most likely because they have made you believe you are weaker than them you cower and just agree with them, apologize and stay quiet. Because you cannot leave the table or move out. It sucks right? Believe in feminism then!! Believe in your rights to freedom & creating your own life!!

Mine are too

Can sociopathy and rebellion also stem in children raised by narcissistic parents as a survival/coping mechanism?

how about adding couple of Narc siblings to the mix? I wish I were joking.

I’m the youngest of 3, only girl. My middle brother eventually paid for it with his life (overdose), currently trying to save the oldest from the same fate. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for sharing

Iam also the truth teller in the family.