The Dreaded Drama Triangle | Lucy Barnes | TEDxSurreyUniversitySalon

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Are you a victim or a victor, the rescuer or the persecutor?
Watch as Lucy Barnes talks us through the dreaded drama triangle, questioning the role we take on in our relationships and teaching us how self-awareness and a changed mindset can help us to shape our future selves.
Lucy Barnes is a recent law graduate and aspiring human rights barrister. Lucy is committed to the study of psychology, after having conducted three years into a project of relating the way people communicate to current political and social situations. Now, Lucy is committed to sharing these ideas with those who have fallen into difficult psychological patterns they do not notice, and open minds up to the possibilities of positive conflict resolution and drama alleviation. Lucy Barnes is a final year law student and aspiring human rights barrister. Lucy is committed to the study of psychology, after having conducted three years into a project of relating the way people communicate to current political and social situations. Now, Lucy is committed to sharing these ideas with those who have fallen into difficult psychological patterns they do not notice, and open minds up to the possibilities of positive conflict resolution and drama alleviation. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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3 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 82

@kittendivine1 5 лет назад

This affects 99% of people. It's so important. It deserves way more views!

@phyllistraficante8412 Год назад

😊😊

@petervincent9261 4 года назад

Good for her for owning her behaviour here, her honesty helped me to keep watching even though it's uncomfortable viewing.

@benh7107 3 года назад

I've never felt so attacked and empowered in my life

@babblingbrain1253 3 года назад

💯😂

@mellowd6085 5 лет назад

I’ve understood this concept since I’ve been young and tried to explain to to so many people I’ve never been able to frame it like this. This speech is going to change my life I literally just stopped weeping I thought no one else got it I feel so not crazy right now

@aprilloft 4 года назад

Excellent talk, thanks for this great summary of a very valuable interpersonal tool. I'm a therapist and appreciate having such a talk to refer my clients to check out.

@utubenick25 2 года назад

The Drama Triangle is one of the useful theories from the Transactional Analysis canon. Would be good if this talk referenced this clearly so people can find out more by going to the original sources.

@riannaw6420 4 года назад

Praise the healing power if truth!! Your beautiful honest is vital to this and I am so greatful! 👏 🙌 👍

@RarelyAChump 3 года назад

This is 80% amazing. Encouraging people to psychoanalyze people who feel that they are victims is not ever going to produce anything positive, however, unless they are already in a mindset where they are open to receiving that feedback.

@chrysewymer9009 2 года назад

For us rescuers, it also does the same thing emotionally: we are trying to fix the problem. The victim needs to figure that out themselves

@lucibloom5966 2 года назад

Well yeah! It takes time for each individual to become aware that this is even happening or for them to decide to seek help with it to transform into healthier and more purposeful roles to take on.

@ScrivenerofDoom 2 года назад

Great job, Lucy. Your personal vulnerability made this much more effective.

@luella_OK 5 лет назад

Wow, what a brave and honest talk. Brilliant.

@sofiesweden 2 года назад

Best explanation of the drama triangle I've watched so far. Thank you Coralina! 🙏💙

@Remarkablepepper37 3 года назад

“The TEDx talk that changed my life”

@janeenmckenzie4586 5 лет назад

Congratulations to a brave young woman.

@missjenn3963 2 года назад

"I'm feeling really insecure, please reassure me" Although this is obviously better than manipulating, I am still unsure about asking for someone to reassure me just because they are going on a night out. This would definitely not work on someone with avoidant attachment.

@melissamccollum9594 Год назад

That’s on them, though. It’s about you breaking the cycle of manipulation and being authentic.

@grittygoddess Год назад

Right/ it would if that person wanted to move more toward healthy attachment

@christinebessiere2477 2 года назад

I am surprised that Eric Berne and Transactional analysis has not been mentioned nor Stephen Karpman who worked with Him on researches and created the Dramatic triangle, well known as the Karpman’s triangle. Years of research not even mentioned and acknowledged. Very choked.

@utubenick25 2 года назад

Yup , that's what I was thinking.

@fyrianfilms 4 года назад

Great talk! I wonder if Lucy could post the recommendations on the books and podcasts, please.

@amandakymweger Год назад

learnt this the hard way,figured it out eventually,eloquently done Didnt know these terms concept existed until tonite.

@skpy8249 5 лет назад

Excellent! Absolutely exceptional

@szabomate889 4 месяца назад

Congrats, well spoken!

@jothriny 5 лет назад

you were great at the speech...so confident..really admirable..:)

@HenrikRadich 4 года назад

Thank you, Brilliant speach

@pconhispc2759 3 года назад

If only most people could reflect like this. We wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in

@dianeibsen5994 Год назад

It's best if you can speak with "I" or we statements and not "you"

@bbmiller412 Месяц назад

I agree that it's best to avoid "you" when speaking, especially from an opinion perspective. I'm watching this for a yoga teacher training, which the training emphasizes "conscious communication." The training even has a section about "I" statements regarding taking ownership of our opinions and perspectives versus projecting them onto others.

@kate_londonblogger 2 года назад

This video is worth watching. There's a lot of people like this surrounding us, or sometimes we acted like this as well. 😅

@lucibloom5966 2 года назад

Most people are stuck in this not just some

@junkjunk2493 5 лет назад

good stuff ... thanks

@johnling4945 3 года назад

Well done!

@stephenw491 5 лет назад

Well done!

@vanessamclennan1 4 года назад

Good insight into each of the roles

@jnyt81 2 месяца назад

You were going to link some books?

@darrenbell8597 5 лет назад

Very good

@CarmilDeVere 4 года назад

Hey Lucy Barnes, Thank you for sharing this, I would love to have a conversation about RED Vs. Green Language, the red you use here in this talk actually starts the Drama Triangle, firing up the Amygdala into Fight Flight or Frozen. Zoom call?

@keithlillie2392 2 года назад

I had already been made aware of this concept, but want to hear her take. Well done! Now get a new haircut. You are driving me crazy! :)

@vickiy9625 5 лет назад

I think rhetoric should be pronounced with the stress on the first syllable.

@markferdinands1059 4 года назад

Lucy asked the question 'What is the biggest cause of addiction globally'? and I don't believe she actually answered it and/or I missed it/did not understand. Anyone know the answer?

@ginaprespare1316 4 года назад

Dr. Gabor Mate says it is trauma.

@TiaTurnbullnow 4 года назад

Addiction to the drama triangle. Drama stories. Everyone is vying for the place of victim. Pointing to an outer perpetrator and pretending to be the hero of all the made up labeling stories.

@andrewparry1474 2 года назад

@@ginaprespare1316 yes, but more to the point, he says that childhood trauma creates a separation from self & other. I think that I first heard Johann Hari say that "Connection is the opposite of addiction!".

@lucibloom5966 2 года назад

Trauma is the gateway drug

@lucibloom5966 2 года назад

@@TiaTurnbullnow Trauma is what leads to becoming stuck in the triangle

@jberesfordyt 4 года назад

great presenter.

@julian.kollataj 2 года назад

First triangle explains Spider-Man (rescuer), MJ (victim), and Green Goblin (persecutor)…? 🤔

@judithtennant6611 5 лет назад

Please provide credit to the creator of the drama model - trying to remember the psychologists name ...Kaplan? circa late 60's

@hervealexanian2684 5 лет назад

It's Karpman. She says it briefly at 5:35

@judithtennant6611 5 лет назад

@@hervealexanian2684 Yes, she does mention his last name in passing "what Karpman called ..." However, without proper credit it will be hard for her audience to know who Karpman is and why he is being fleetingly referenced. I also see a notation on the slide which says in very small font 'derived from the Karpman Drama Triangle' However, short of the cartoons, the material is identical to the original. Normally, I wouldn't comment but given that this is a university student who is giving a public talk from a university, following the standard protocols of identifying sources and respecting intellectual property seems to be in order.

@CaptainPhilosophical 4 года назад

It is written on her slide the whole time and mentioned verbally. On the slide of the triangle it says "Derived from the Karpman Drama Triangle".

@KieraT 4 года назад

She gave credit. Give it a rest, Judith.

@dontme4132 3 года назад

@@KieraT ok so you’re the rescuer and Judith is the persecutor 😂😅

@KerryNeeds 3 года назад

impressive.

@AD24873 2 месяца назад

"You have done it in your lifetime" Uhh huh. No.

@justinheer9098 2 года назад

Codependency

@jobreakstheinternet5100 3 года назад

Okay, so...what if someone is actually abusing the victim, though? If someone's beating their spouse, asking them, "Well do you think you're reacting with upset because X" is victim-blaming. People could very easily gaslight someone using this triangle against them. (lol in b/f someone accuses me of being a "victim" or "rescuer" or w/e because I say this talk is problematic.)

@Fierying 2 года назад

I would say that this should be a self evaluation or an evaluation from a professional like a therapist. The triangle should be a point of awareness for the self to realize where they are at, not to to be used as accusation to someone else.

@lucibloom5966 2 года назад

There is a difference between being an actual victim and being stuck in a role of being helpless and someone else is playing a role where they are either rescuing or persecuting you ongoing.

@treye705 2 года назад

Good talk. But her boyfriend shouldn’t have been clubbing when he was in a relationship.

@adamferguson2977 6 лет назад

I think you have missed the main point of the drama triangle. Very well presented, but you don't deem to have grasped the concept of the model.

@junkjunk2493 5 лет назад

dude...similar words ... different model ...she got this one

@kittendivine1 5 лет назад

What main point?

@phoenixhoneybee 5 лет назад

She seems to grasp it really well and presents it in an understandable manner.

@phoenixhoneybee 5 лет назад

I appreciate the comparison of the far right and the far left in politics. The far right becomes the "persecutor" and the left the "savior" while minorities become the "victims". When really each role can be interchangeable. Yes let's focus on long term goals, instead of excusing and allowing illegal immigration, perhaps we can them coach into being more self reliant (long term goals). Then they don't have to leave their countries and can thrive at home

@daveholly9005 5 лет назад

This analogy only works from the centre left paradigm of politics although you have seemed to have taken it as aligning with your conservative view (as this makes you feel happy). The far right are more than people that feel they are victimised and the Left far more complex than wanting to protect minorities. The Drama triangle is a great way of thinking about YOUR relationships. By that I mean individual relationships. It doesn’t work with social dynamics as they are concerned with wider issues; economics, politics and religion in a way that determines what the overall goal is. If you try to apply this thought to immigration you are simply justifying your persecutory impulse by saying you are actually being a rescuer. It’s the same misguided principle as “tough love” lol.

@phoenixhoneybee 5 лет назад

@@daveholly9005 There are a lot of presumptions in your reply. I'm conservative? How do you know I'm not an immigrant who pulled themselves up by their bootstraps who shares this idea of the victim immigration paradigm? I like how you seem to assume the role of authority/teacher on an anonymous message board. You must be a white know it all male with some kind of superiority/savior complex.

@thetruthwillsetyoufree9209 4 года назад

🍿

@thetruthwillsetyoufree9209 4 года назад

Many people in former colonies were exploited, and still are (Tech companies, Rare Earth, Child Labour). They are victims, multinationals are faceless persecutors.

@KVID1000 4 года назад

A terrible and unstructured talk.

@petervincent9261 4 года назад

How is it unstructured? She describes a framework for interpreting a victim mentality with honesty, commonsense and above all clarity. I related really strongly to this and I'm in addiction recovery, I think she's pretty much nailed it here, as challenging as this concept is.