The Extraordinary Self Portraits of Bryan Lewis Saunders 

Hey Blind Dweller! I made the Bryan Lewis Sanders documentary “Art of Darkness”. What a pleasure to watch your amazing work! Your narrative, treatment was thoughtful and thorough. And loved your focus and analysis of THE ART!

I find is funny how people are referring to him as though he died when he's still uploading artwork and shit on his Instagram. Super happy for him that he seems to be trying to turn the bad parts of his life around for the better. Fucking awesome artwork too.

50:55 scared the absolute shit out of me lol. I was holding my phone extra close to my face to observe the drawing and was not expecting that. Edit: I see now that there was a warning in the description lol

I live in the area this guy does, and have ran into him numerous times at a local bar / venue. Really an interesting guy, always keeps to himself with his notebook sketching away. Never expected him to blow up the way he did virally however. His art was always unique. Super nice guy, despite all he's been through. Talking with him never fails to make me smile.

I have to admit I never heard of Bryan Lewis Saunders. It's rare to find an artist who is so prolific, and also creates stunning work that's intimate and incredibly moving!

Being someone who has struggled with several mental health disorders over the past 25 years (bipolar disorder, PTSD, acute generalized anxiety disorder, and schizoaffective disorder just to name a few), and sticking myself in really dangerous situations with dangerous people I had no business being around and getting into heaps of trouble with, I get a very familiar vibe from a lot of the self portraits and other artwork. Unfortunately some of the best art comes from misery and pain and suffering. It's difficult not to feel for the artists, especially when I can see so much of my own experience within them. Thanks very much for sharing Bryan's work with us! Absolutely an interesting and very moving artist for sure.

As someone that hears voices, hallucinates, etc. it’s insane how the seroquel made him experience a little bit of what it helps me for. And then the ambien made him draw like an insomniac. Wild how some drugs can have the complete opposite effect on some people just because of how our brains work

As an artist, I found this incredibly interesting and inspiring. That sounds empty, because honestly I have so many thoughts I want to record relating to his artistic practice and techniques that I want to explore, and just saying "interesting and inspiring" is not coming the slightest bit near to encapsulating what I was going through watching this. I don't personally have a very solid artistic practice, and seeing this made me want to try everything and be as experimental as possible (within reason, and I'm probably referring more to physical artistic techniques). The fact that he's making art every day is also very encouraging, and his pieces weren't necessarily painstaking or elaborate or planned out, they seem mainly made intuitively and on impulse, but also drawing on his visual and technical artistic language he's developed over the many years of making art. Okay, I've gotten to the point where this is getting long-winded and I'm starting to possibly sound like I'm being fake deep, I'm gonna go type up some thoughts on Saunders and his art somewhere else, a bit more privately, and delve a bit more into his artwork and that documentary. Thank you so much for this video!

The jumpscare halfway through the video scared the shit out of me. I know it's ment to simulate the experience of the artist but man..... what the fuck dude.

I was using a bandsaw while listening at the “DON’T LOOK IN THE MIRROR” part. I’m relieved to report that I still have all of my fingers.

Bryan is such an interesting artist, thank you for the full length documentary on him! I can't believe this is free.

Bryan Lewis Saunders is from the generation of "latch key kids." I can relate. Such an introspective, yet generously inspirational artist! I'd not heard of him until this video, & now, I'll never forget him or his art!💜🌹🌍

I feel like if he hadn’t found art, this would be a serial killer documentary

That “don’t look in the mirror” jump scare got me man 😭 I’m sitting on my bathroom counter air drying with my phone inches away from my face Edit: I just read the description now omg

I don't know what you might think of him (if anything), but have you ever considered doing a segment on the amazing outlier Lithuanian-French painter Chaim Soutine? I first happened across his startling oeuvre at around age 14; and he's consistently stuck with me in subsequent years as one of my favorite 20th century artists. Though he's usually been placed---almost by default, it often seems---in the company of the Expressionists, Soutine really remains unclassifiable. He was a thoroughly individualistic---one is nearly tempted to say "idiosyncratic"---and highly unconventional painter whose viscerally raw and untamed style has always resisted easy canonization. Symptomatic of unbridled delight in pigment and its application to the canvas surface---apart from any representational aims---the controlled fury of his paint manipulation endows even the most putrescent subjects, most notably the succession of rotting beef carcasses the artist liked to paint (in hommage to his hero Rembrandt) with a luminosity that's unepectedly transcendent. An equally ferocious line of assault infuses his many landscapes with a crackling wayward energy: trees, roads, hillsides, as well as houses and buildings, sway and weave and twist and writhe cataclysmically as though caught in the grip of some vertiginous seismic event. Yet at the very same time there's this rhythmical underpinning simultaneously pulling and holding the imagery in place, finally resolving the scene into a state of controlled chaos that plainly anticipates later Abstract Expressionism. If anything, Soutine's portraiture is even more jarringly subversive than his landscapes and still lifes. Always mindful of his own rural proletarian background he usually elected to portray his human subjects in the vocational and ceremonial dress associated with their social rank: religious vestments, a porter or bell boy's uniform, a chef's distinctive white toque, cap, and apron, and such like. Similarly, the much more well-off persons who also sat for Soutine---professional people, art collectors, society dames, and others---were usually garbed in the formal wear, suits, vests, waistcoats, gowns, frocks, and headwear indicative of their higher standing. In his figure paintings the artist balanced elements of the grotesque, almost to the point of mutilation, with authenticity of class or occupational function and, at times, abstract shapes of his own invention. Throughout these arresting images the act of painting itself---the painter was well known for working at an intensely focused breakneck speed---effectively subdued and then reconfigured the social reality of his models. The free elliptical shorthand of Soutine's impassioned brushwork creates, in a single dramatic phrase, a powerfully felt impression of pure life and vitality. In closing, I also have to add that Soutine was more than a bit of a weirdo. So he should fit quite comfortably into your format.

Don't try this at home indeed. I can't imagine. I don't want to. I'm glad he's been so physically and psychologically resilient so far though. Great video.

I find it hard to find inspiration for art, and even harder still to experiment with colouring. I only draw digital now, and even before that I really struggled with colour and shading, etc. I wonder if just... letting loose will help and make me grow. I'm going to attempt this with a self portrait. This was an amazing vid. Thank you!

I am bipolar and I take Seroquel, and it’s absolutely numbing, it drains all of the energy I have, it makes me anxious somehow. I absolutely relate to Bryan’s metaphor of the lion: the mind gets ahead of the body as the pill shuts you down

I’ve been on seroquel before. A very poorly made decision on my former psychiatrist’s part in order to control my severe anxiety and irritability. It was absolutely terrible…zoning out, drooling, everything felt awful. I wouldn’t physically be able to move, and yet mentally i was still going a thousand miles a minute.

Thanks for introducing me to his spoken word music. It is seriously one of the craziest, funniest and horrific things I have heard in a long time. I don't think anyone else has made an album so deranged yet so compelling. As someone who has a fascination with the darker side of the human experience it is electrifying and as someone who enjoys drawing creepy things it is inspiring in a manic sort of way.

It's kind of crazy to think that If he didn't find art he would either be dead or in prison. I wonder how many other people just didn't find the outlet like he did and payed the ultimate price.

Bryan is an amazing artist and proud to say a good friend! So happy to see this documentary about my neighbor! 😁

This is a video that I come back to often when I’m need of inspiration during art blocks. Thank you for making such an in depth documentary, Bryan is truly an intriguing and jarringly talented individual.

While I believe he definitely had other things going on, the way he describes his experience of life through his own presepective very much resonates for me as someone who is a untethered ball of adhd and autism.

this has really inspired me to incorporate my experiences into my art more. ive always been too afraid to explore my traumas and mental health issues through art somehow

Couple days ago I had a seizure and had to be taken off my antidepressants. I feel very debilitated and just gone. Thank you for this video

You always show me a lot of cool stuff I never would've found by myself I like seeing the different styles and feelings the art gives. Thank you for making such great content rs

I'm a huge fan f your channle/content and personally I have never heard of Bryan Lewis. So this video was very interesting!

Amazing work and great video as always! The only thing is I would recommend a warning for the sounds and distortion effects at around 50:00. It didn't bother me too much but things like that can potentially cause paranoia/bad anxiety for people with certain conditions. I know it wasn't done with any ill intent. Thank you again for a very informative and well made video!

This dude is so cool in person. Never have I met someone cooler.

Going a full month and taking a different drug everyday is unbelievably risky. I cant believe he procured 30 different drugs lol

Absolutely incredible. After seeing your announcement this was coming out last night, I spent the evening getting a taste of the life & style of Bryan Saunders; and what I had found left me growing even more eager for this release. This was a fantastic dissection of his life and work, and I find myself enthralled in the work he has created and his philosophy behind his creative process. Thank you so much for introducing me to his work, and for doing so in such an engaging and informative manner. Your epilogue was the perfect ribbon to tie everything together, and this has all left me feeling a renewed excitement and passion for exploring my personal artistic visions. Thank you!

I'm not very far along, but I feel so bad for young Bryan. It seems like everyone in his life failed him. His acting out was clearly a product of his loneliness, ostracization, and an understimulating environment. I often wonder how people's lives would've turned out if they'd been given the love and attention they needed.

I was forced to take seroquel when I was in the state hospital. I had no choice and the mix of seven other anti psychotics is an experience I can only describe as A chemical lobotomy.

Would you ever make a video about Yoshitaka Amano?

I had a long comment in my mind ready to write down, but in the end you narrated and explored so deep into Brian's art and reflection of his psyche, that there is no need for more right now. His approach on art is so philosophical and amazing and the positive way he turned all this pain with creativity is something that gives me hope for me as well. Thank you for this video, it was really inspiring to see such experimentation with mediums, physical and mental states that are so different from each other! Keep up the good work, youtube is a great place with creators like you around.

Yo, I forgot about this guy. Found him through an article written in like 2009 that featured some of the drug self-portraits.

I haven't heard of him. That's a great idea, drawing yourself every day.

This is truly inspiring, I am amazed by the way people like Bryan can convert their daily lives into science expreriments and provide such profound insights into the human potential for self-awareness. I feel more of us should do so, its much better than going through a scientific paper for sure...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT i first heard about this guy probably 10 years ago, never saw anything about him again, mentioned a description of what he does, once, to someone about 5~ years ago, and haven't thought about him since, BUT have been trying to think of this dude's name FOR THAT WHOLE TIME (10 YEARS!) and you just helped me find him!! thank you so much dude!!!

This was put together so beautifully. Thanks for spreading awareness to this artist. His work is amazing and idk if I would have stumbled upon it without your video.

Hi, Blind Dweller! Always anticipate a new release from you. You astonish with your easy command of subject matter. You are a gifted researcher, storyteller, editor and producer, with an original perspective - always worth the wait. Respect and gratitude from your biggest fan(atic) in Santa Fe, New Mexico USA. PS: Have you considered publishing a book of critical essays? I believe after you publish one such collection, you will be nominated for a MacArthur (genius) grant. D

The drawing 42:23 under influence of Percocet and a hangover, you can see the indentation of the drawing of the map from the day before… lol. Perfect! That would elude to the hangover from last night. 😂

He gives me Jean Michel Basquiat vibes...My all time favorite 🎨 artist hands down

When we were in Art school together, I jokeed that my goal was to corner the self-portrait market. I see he took that idea and ran with it.

hey king this is an incredible video and i love the deep dive. for your subscribers with paranoid delusions (like myself) jumpscare-type effects like the one at 51:02 can be really triggering, I had to stop the video and do breathing excercises as i am experiencing an episode at the moment. a warning or something might be useful. awesome work as always.

This poor guy... I remember having an experiment myself for a month, and it was insanely painful. edit; as in I self isolated for a month. It wasnt fun...

Bryan is such an awesome guy! I live in the same area and was able to catch a lot of his mid-2000s to early 2010s spoken word performances at the Hideaway in Johnson City, TN.

A video from Blind Dweller that is an hour and a half?! YES PLEASE!

I recognize myself in Bryan, even if I'm not a trained artist at all, I used drawing to try to make sense of what was happening to me. I didn't know it at the time but I was journaling my own falling into schizophrenia and my first psychosis. I didn't mean for anyone to see the drawings but my psychologist thought I should as part of accepting my illness. Made a video about them, and it did help. On bad days I still reject reality but being heavily medicated helps. I wonder if Bryan could have been saved.

he should do his drug series again. he missed dmt, datura, morning glory seeds, 5-MEO-DIPT, Khat, Bromo-DragonFly, Krok and many more

Weirdly enough, the thing I felt the most relatable was the constant need to draw even when hospitalized. Though my experience was from the physical-- chronic health issues-- I used to also make sure I had ways of creating close by. Because without it, you loose who you are and your way of communicating. I'm at the hour and eight minute mark, so still watching the video. But that was something that struck a cord in me. While I could relate to the stress of a chaotic upbringing and having my own childhood dramas, I mostly felt sympathy rather than making a connection to Saunders on the personal level. But THIS, the need of comfort of having that outlet? That got to me. It helped me find the connection that wasn't just pity towards seeing someone hurt themselves for artistic expression. Creating is like breathing, to not create is to feel a part of yourself being strangled. To leave you gasping for breath. Just interesting to find that connection, is all.

Me who takes 200mg of seroquel every night because I’m bipolar: 😮😮😮😮😮

There used to be a video that went along with his spoken word poem " Near death experience" and I cant find it. it was on vimeo or daily motion or something like that. extremely powerful and disturbing. The most intense thing you'll ever hear. Hearing that anger and agony and then hearing how extremely gentle he talks to people in interviews and such is so wild.

I’ve been a big fan of Charnley’s self portrait series for a while, and it’s pretty amazing how similar this guy’s work is to his. Thank you for exposing me to this, it’s perfectly up my alley.

This is flipping amazing, Thank you mr Dweller and Thank you Brian. Brian you are the truest depiction of an artist. zero bullsh-t! 100% inspiration. I only feel like creating when I am in heaven or hell (atheist btw) and truly relate to this but all my stuff is via alcohol abuse. ART SAVES!

Thank you so much for these videos. I'm learning so much about myself and what it means to be an artist from these. They're so well made, and so captivating to me, and the artists you choose are so interesting and unique. I'm so grateful you make these. Thanks!

55:20 - I'm laughing so hard, "Yeah, so I decided to stop this drug-art experiment after somebody pointed out that my drawings made me look kinda r***arded.", this guy lmao Edit: Okay so there's a bit more to the story at around 1:02:06, he got sick while on PCP AND was informed of how silly some of his self-portraits made him look.

Well done. Everyone should watch Bryan’s documentary Art of Darkness.

50:55 bro did u rly have to do that, i listen to these while i work and it scared the fuck outta me

This was f$&kin killer! I didn’t want it to end. I never heard of Brian until now. I appreciate this video beyond belief. I’ll send you my art soon Your best video yet! Edit: Bryan was a true ”artist”

I've been following Bryan for years. He's a real cool guy. Excellent documentary. 😎

Yes if this was a black teen running around va stabbing ppl this video would be over at 5 mins😂 how was he able to go to other countries with a record??

This is one of the best videos I've found on Saunders . Thank you for the work you put into it. He's quite the fascinating artist.

Saunders in an artist I found through circumstance and fell down the rabbit hole, so I knew you would do him justice. His whole life was a whirlwind of chaos that turned him into one of the most unique creators I have ever seen. The way he captures the feeling of temperature in particular really caught my eye. Wonderful video!!

bruh i've taken 200 mg of seroquel for years. i am shocked that it affected him so adversely. it just puts me to sleep.

Such a fascinating series! I find the colour yellow has always resonated with me on a very personal level, and Brian’s yellow month portraits an uncanny reflection of my own self; in the words of Dylan Thomas “altarwise by owl-light”. The blue month probably sapped Brian’s energy due to the light interfering with his circadian rhythm. Always best to avoid blue light around bedtime 🥱 Fantastic body of work; both this documentary and Brian’s ongoing project.

A great artist! I’ve been following him for about a year, He posts fairly regularly on instagram if anyone is interested in following his work : )

i follow this guy on instagram, cra6 seeing a doc about him!

If taking drugs helps with art I would've been a master.

Man I really hope this man can finds some sort of peace.

Good thing I was watching this on the toilet when day 8 of the drug experiment came around 😅

While watching this, all the portraits were really starting to crawl underneath my skin and right at @57:54 when you were speaking a dominos ad fucking jump scared me it went something along the lines of “quote- DOWNLOAD THE DOMINOS PIZZA APP TODAY” Felt this could be appreciated

Before you even showed the self-portrait on Lortab, I immediately thought “itchy nose”.

Amazing documentary! Is there any way to obtain this on DVD or Blu ray?

I just wanted to comment that since I discovered your videos I see it and I see it again a thousand times. I'm from Spain and my English is a bit bad, but I'm getting along with my ear and the subtitles of the video. but it is worth it, you are perhaps the deepest content author of these topics that I know. Your monograph on Francis Bacon was wonderful and I've seen this video twice now. I just wanted to say, thanks for what you do. PS: sorry if the text is misread, I used google translator.

I remember hearing about his drug series when I was in high school; there was a kind of Facebook meme floating around, featuring each portrait with the drug it was created under the influence of, that people would share to kind of imply that psychoactive substances enhance creativity. But as I remember it it only briefly mentioned Saunders by name, included little to nothing about his life, and definitely didn't include his commentaries. Knowing his story, what his other self-portraits look like, and his records of the sometimes-good-but-often-bad experiences with the drugs in question add a ton of perspective to the series.

I've always felt drawn to his art when it popped up and I think in a weird way he influenced how I deal with life, by putting that into art. During any time I felt the most depressed I put it down on paper by drawing what I felt. Spent 2 weeks in a hospital at a point and all I did was self portraits, they looked so different from one another even though each one was me. At some point other patients put a few on walls. I still deal with everything that way, no specific style just pure feeling, because things change and don't always go to plan.

what a wicked inspiring video.

I’ve always been a fan of Bryan’s art ever since I got into art in middle school. Funny to find out that I grew up and still live in the same area as he did

This is so weird, I'm a Johnson city local I straight up know this guy, didn't realize he was so cool

This was a treat to watch. To me there's something very fascinating and satisfying about imagining having a life with that kind of discipline and level of routine. The portraits have a really visceral way of seemingly making snapshots of a human soul as a kind of undulating and ever-shifting invisible entity. It makes me imagine some blueprint in our bodies being consulted in order to build a soul out of nearby materials on a daily basis in a similar way to how Bryan Lewis Saunders uses various mediums to craft self portraits every day. It's probably a little less existential to picture each expression as a unique exhaust as a result of a processing of available materials but I find the former concept very intriguing. I know I'm projecting my own introspections onto art that likely never intentionally raised my specific questions but I appreciate the presence of art like this for fueling and platforming compelling discourse within my mind. If there were a mold making my soul out of scraps before it quickly meets entropy and the cycle repeats then would I be the soul or would I be the mold? Are people the same person under the influence of intoxication?

It's kind of bizarre to hear that the most challenging substance he was on was Seroquel... and 100mg... that's what I take nightly to sleep. it's the only thing that has been able to shut up the incessant anxiety I live with enough to get decent sleep. I can admit that the first time I took it, it was odd as my head felt very floaty and dizzy and it felt as if everything I looked at was melting together and not real. And I know everyone experiences medication differently but the bizarre part is to hear how he heard a frightening voice telling him not to do things when it's something that finally calms the constant worrying inner voice I deal with daily.

When I was in college a few years ago, my teacher wanted a report on anything or my choice. I randomly searched self portrait series on drugs. I found this man. I wrote my report, titled the running head as "Running Head", turned it in and aced it the same it was turned in. This artist is so dear to my heart man. Everything I did up to that report and afterwards was a true journalism experience..2013 baby.

I wonder how his level of self-love / self-hatred and worth compares to the rest of society. I wonder if it varies at a greater rate. I would really not be able to do this. Some days I struggle to look in the mirror, and not completely lose any desire to leave the house.

if squidward was a real artist we’d be watching a video of him rn fr mans had 492 self portraits in varying styles and mediums i mean he even had SCULPTURES AND A BONSAI PLANT

Check out him dream recordings, used to be on his website

What an amazing documentary, great as always!

Thank you so much. This truly was inspiring and I'm definitely going it to Brian lewis Saunders worm hole. Art totally transformed his life . Brian truly is a unique human being. Blind Deweller you are a gift

Hey,i love this video. It would be great if you could add timestamps on the video so it would be easier to share it

Thank you very much. Best video I’ve seen in a long time. Your work is time well spent.

What a great documentary! I had seen his work done under the influence, but I had no idea about the depth of his other experiments. I can’t believe he survived all of that!

Got the records, love that guy! suRRism with love!

He is way too self absorbed. My gawd.

Thank you so much for not separating mentally ill people from neuro typical people .......unlike someone I could mention

DARK BUT DETAILED!!! What a talent. The drugs!!! Ooooh my God. Just stick with Xanax

Right at 32:00 … i got an advertisement, not sure what even for as i skipped it as soon as possible. But it contained very vivid interesting imagery of a silhouette standing in front of a fire… with the words being spoken over it consisting of: “Fire can create; And fire can destroy.” Then. Back to the story. Speaking of how the disserviced church caught ablaze. Very strange.

the Hunter S Thompson of artists

I remember seeing this guys portraits on tumblr back in the day

Creative people often struggle with mental health issues. Whether it’s nature or nature is not clear, although I suspect it’s both. Severe depression runs on both sides of my family but I believe the abuse I suffered triggered it.