The Father Wound | Otto Kelly | TEDxCarsonCity 

I hear that

This brought tears to my eyes because in this sentence you explained my life

Story of my life.

Well I'm not over here crying like a lost kid for nothing.

Thank you

I can relate.

your comment.. I cried.

yea. Never related more to a comment.

Sound like he was falling in and out of love with you.

Same

Jesse Hernandez yes indeed 😁❤️

Every single time

I'm not an emotional man but I cried during that

"Why dont he want me!!!!" So sad.

Jesse Hernandez I felt that scene too much

Wishing you the best, and do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.

Yeah same here brother, same here. Matter of fact I am afraid to have a child as I fear since I grew up without a father I may not know how to be a good father

28 still learning allot..

@@anthonyf9423 26 and In that same boat

I agree and that is the reason we become good fathers to our children. Much love

This is your experience. Everyone has both male and female energy and abilities. There are many parenting courses on this very thing. I'm a proud single mom of 2 strong, confident, self-reliant men. My own dad taught me none of those things you mentioned - in fact, the opposite.

I just know the things my mother taught me.

@@jcr-studios its not necessary my experience. I meant in general.

And I grew up without both… lol

Well said!

Man up

8:14 "Men stand up, please"

@@Notthefather91 grow up. this is an actual problem in our society nowadays , people with absent fathers/mothers can feel this way even when they are adults and they can't just "man up" although they should try to seek help and heal , but even then that scar will remain there forever because, they can't just turn back time to the past and avoid the absence of their father/mother or parents that dont necessarily act like parents or abusive parents etc. the relationship with their parents can affect them in the long run. and i'm sorry you can't understand that. or couldn't but please avoid making comments like this and think twice if not more then twice before u say something to someone else or keep it to yourself because your comments can be hurtful to others as well as other people's comments can be hurtful to you. have a nice rest of your day/evening/night.

Mick it doesn't matter the age. I sometimes still crave the father figure. I think is an empty part of the heart that will remain that way cause we actually never had it there.

Don’t listen to that internet checks TV He is the dumbest troll I’ve ever seen on a comment page

​@Yuriy Yuriy Radical feminists? Sure. Feminism itself isn't against men though, and there are far more normal feminists than radicals out there. It's just like any other ideology, Yuriy

I assume you're a single mom from the way you're talking about men. Women hold half the responsibility for the single parent problem in this society. Women force men out the house instead of working on their problems as a couple. Everyone takes the easy way out instead of doing the hard work. They dont "need" a man anymore they're strong and independent but go to the government for welfare. The welfare system has incentivized single motherhood and has replaced fathers in the home. Men arent perfect but take majority of blame for this problem in society. Men need to be men and stand up and take responsibility for their families.

Because women never have to pay child support

It's Me, Steve I don’t think the amount of money you have to pay is the issue here, regardless of ur gender u should be there for your kids. And clearly your uneducated because if a single parent father decides to go to court then the mum has to pay child support

@@mvp2233 That very rarely happens. Almost always the court is biased and gives custody to the mothers.

Its the moms fault! Wouldn't you wanna pick a partner you love and trust and to have kids with?

All men who are fathers should have to watch this.

It will get there

Yup absolutely

I thought this video would've like million of views. Would deserve it

What happens when you see men? :/

I'm 36 years and the wound of my father is the only heart break I have ever experienced. I constantly break up with man, at times I seek out a reason, and only now I realise I've been breaking up with my "dad" before he breaks my heart.

@@akhonavuma2379 same now I am at this point where I don't date men because I know I will do that and it doesn't would make sense to meet men

Yes it does, first off you don't even know how to value men. Not only did I not have a father growing up. I was surrounded by all women there were no men in sight to fill in the gap.

Same on mine bro I'm 16 i know my dad but would see him rarely he would have a go at me after I had the confidence to get mad at him because he cheated on my mom when I was one but he was cussing me out also my dad lived in the streets wich made me feel like I should get involved but it was hard but I stopped chasing him when he blocked me but luckily I have a step dad how has been like a real dad I haven't seen my real dad in 2 years

@@newdrilltunesbrumday8059 well its good you have a father figure now

@@sanchez_1999 thanks bro its what us men need

@@newdrilltunesbrumday8059 we do bro good luck out there

Bruh my father stormed out when I was born and when I was 16 we met at my school i punched him in the face and I never saw him again

Well your dad shouldn’t have been a piece of suit then should he… lord!

Madi: You deserved one. He didn't

I meditated through having a good father and it was a beautiful feeling

Similar situation here. Looks like we have to reparent ourselves. ❤️

Sorry to hear that I see a lot of kids who feel abandoned my parents with money as well.

but also there mom

What did he have to say to you?

OP , he threw his arm around my shoulder and said, “nice to meet you man”

@@Jguru5 A lot of times mothers will force the father out of the child's life and lie to their children about him. Ive seen it happen a number of times. That child grows up resenting the father without ever asking the father himself why he was never around. Did you ask? and if he told you that he wanted to be in your life early on would you have believed him? Or was your hate already set in stone?

O̸͇͋o̵͇̕ 0̵̗̉ he was very short... very quiet... I felt more like I was an art project he made in school he forgot about quite honestly... he only had 30 minutes :/ first and last time we ever met. Its been 3 years; no calls or anything. Idk, there was never hate in my heart... just confusion.

@@Jguru5 Okay I was just curious. Not all dads and moms are good. Ive seen the type of parents you are talking about before. A parent that wants to have kids just out of curiosity but does not want to take the responsibilities or time to spend with their kid. Sorry to hear that man. I know what it's like to grow up without a certain parent myself as well. It can be tough when you are younger and yes even when you are older. I can tell from what you said that it's not your problem and it's his, but id still try from time to time because I really regret not trying with one of my parents. I was resentful to them till they died. Didn't even go to the funeral. I was too filled with my own pride and anger and I wish I would have tried harder now that i'm older. Also a lot of men/dads have a way harder time expressing love than women/moms. I'm a dad now and although i'm in my kids lives I sometimes have a hard time connecting with them and I was conditioned early on to not be very affectionate. I always hope that they know I care, but it's very difficult for me to even hug a person or say I love you. So I just try to show them by doing other things like spending time with them or something as simple as making their favorite dessert. Dads/men have a lot of their own problems and although not all are like me, a lot do have a hard time expressing their feelings openly. Keep your head up and best of luck in life man.

Jackie Shaffer i know its 1:24 am and im just out here crying

Jackie Shaffer you’re not alone honey bun. ❤️

same xx

Same.

You are loved man, and I know you would do better for you boys and girl

I know your pain brother you are not alone

I feel your pain. My husband and I grew up without a father. My husband told me I will never do to my kids what he did to me..your same exact words. My husband has been an Amazing father to our 3 children the last 14 years. Hes everything his father couldn't be. Even without any male figure in his life the love he has for his children is all he needed to break that generational curse of fatherlessness. Your words touched me as I feel your pain.

Yea... You know:( i thought i was the only one...

@@nicholasdionne9693 no you are definetly not.. I feel poeple like us try to find a father figure subcinciously, i did in my relationship atlease (i am a girl)

Definitely. I've met my dad a few times when I was 2 or 3, and I don't remember him. I know that he has a new wife and he has a son. And he fully raised his son, but he couldn't even visit me? Especially since we lived a short drive away.

That's not always the whole story.

Me too xoxo

Not to be creepy, but i looked at your playlists and thought someone stole mine ... haha👍🏽. I feel you.

This breaks my heart.

Wow I relate to this so much, I understand.

Sending you love

You spoke my mind. I'm 28 too.

Your first thought was disgust? Why not try to help your father overcome his addiction and try to have a relationship with him? He was probably depressed and just needed someone to show they cared.

So sorry to hear that... do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.

O̸͇͋o̵͇̕ 0̵̗̉ You shouldn’t guilt him, he’s aloud to feel however he feels about his father

@@TomAndersonDH he was a kid, why put that on him. He can't fix what he didn't break.

@@TomAndersonDH it’s not a child’s role to fix the parent

Hey, I'm a year late for this one. But.. There's a possibility he really wanted to show up. But the shame didn't let him. Shame can be a giant hook on a man's heart. Restraining all good deads. Anyhow. God bless

Needed this. Just now discovering my problem & I can relate to this comment so much

Abdelrahman: There is an intellectual route to the emotional and social healing you want. Read etiquette and protocol books. I started reading them in high school and have read 5. When you are certain what the 'social customs' are that set the standard, you will discover in your daily life that the majority of people DON'T know 'accepted' social behaviors. For the most part, the books advocate tolerance and acceptance and social comfort. In real life interactions, people tend to do what is to their own advantage. You don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling clueless. The other learning that helps is to get out of your car. Walk the sidewalks of your neighborhood. Just say, 'Hi,' in passing. Just get into occasional conversations with gregarious neighbors on topics of weather or landscaping it a local team. Venture out on buses. Take a train vacation. Amtrak has $300 to $500 passes for 30 days, for 10 legs of travel. You can go to NYC, Washington, New Orleans, LA, San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, and St. Louis and spend the entire time socializing with strangers, striking up conversations about what you see out the windows. 1 out of 1000 people will NOT want to talk WITH ANYBODY. Most strangers are willing to chat for a couple of minutes or 5 or 10 minutes just because that is their social threshold. They will teach you what lines of social banter work and which don't work. Most people have little patience with a person whose only topic of conversation is himself or herself. Most conversations like that will end fast. But lots of neutral topics, non-personal topics work. If you are confined to family vacations, you can practice talking to strangers before and after PTA meetings or on Parent Conference night at schools. If you attend most events with a spouse, confide that you want to experiment with striking up a conversation with one or two strangers--just for social practice. (And avoid making the spouse jealous.) People will tend to ignore you if you ignore them. If you have kids, you need to practice now because a day will come when they are adults out on their own, and you will need to find companionship without them. The magic is in voice/silence and doing your share if the listening and your share of the talking. Brilliance is NOT required.

@@misso9823 hope you're on a healing journey now :)

​@@AmericanStuff2024 I really appreciate you taking the time to share those helpful tips. I will try them out for sure. Thank you!

What are you supposed to do when u meet your dad for the first time in years and he says I love u but u say it back and don’t mean it. It’s kinda hard to love a stranger.

@@kaykayssl267 Mine won't even call me. I am sure he forgot how I look like

@@kaykayssl267 he doesn't care about me

whatever you do don't make my mistake. don't trust society for your wholes in your heart. dont trust or you get abused even more. find a goal a job a hobby and leave the rest to God.

You have a Heavenly Father who loves you so much

I'm able to resonate with this a lot as a woman and also as a mother of a daughter and a son. It's funny that me and my sister have two TOTALLY different relationships with our dad and we grew up in the same house for years. I honestly believe that the pendulum swings both ways. As a child its not our responsibility to nurture the relationship with our father. Its his. As we grow we can mend and do our part but it doesn't start with. The blame isn't necessarily on them as we both play a role in the relationship. I've accepted my own relationship with my father for what it is and strive to keep pushing forward in my purpose. Within the realm of reparenting and deprogramming what I've been taught and told and mostly shown. Whew. Its a process indeed. Sending you healing vibrations Shaakira 💜

i know your pain my friend. mine stuck around, but the only thing he taught me was that my hair had the tensile strength of holding the weight of my little body.

@@pelementmaker My heart really breaks for u. Do u have any children?

@@mrsyellowhawk5 no, im almost 30 now and i have been so afraid of becoming my father that i missed all and every oppourtunity to start a family. i wish, i might one day become a father, i know one thing forsure that i will not be the father i grew up with. i will love my children, no matter what hardship they may enter, untill the end.

@@pelementmaker I am curious on how it feels to be without a father because my mom went through that it kills me to see her still wishing he was around, is it like a emptiness in you? How does it make you feel?

@@bendover5255 most days its like a general sadness, i used to be angry alot when i was younger but that has subsided alot in recent years. actualy my relationship with my father has improved steadily, which helps but i still feel like im missing something, cause the fact is i dident have a father when it actualy counted. my mother more or less raised me. my father did the punishment, im 27 and i still feel like im walking on eggshells around him, i feel mostly fear around him. how does it make me feel? sad, bitter and lonely.

Sorry for that Bro.

Melissa Justice -Todd sending you love & light💛

@Melissa Justice -Todd you lucky you even went to his burial. I hear mine died but I don't even know him. My mum made sure nobody told me even when I asked. It is even harder to deal with the identity problems

I had to Always make the effort to see my dad but he didn't what to see me I had to let go of the bond and I'm 15 its important that dad's are their I hear u bros

@@cairomendez-brown4292 you’re only 15 bro, from my experience a mom will tell you your dad doesn’t want to see you even if he does because THEY don’t want to see. i’d say when you’re 18 reach out to him on your own and ask him

I wish my 5 years old daughter ask her mother one day and get the real answer from her : Alissa you don't have a father because i have forbid him access to you when he told me that he didn't wanted to stay in relation with me , he have fighted 5 years , travelled the world to see you , payed for all our expenses in 3 different countries but finally i have decided that it was better to build a wall between you and your daddy .. he loved you so much , spend amzing days with you , walking , dancing , on motorbike , he make u fly with paragliding , told you thousands of time how much he loved you , was so proud of you and could have bring the moon for you ... but my selfishness and narcissism was much more important so i kept you for me alone and have decided that you don't really need such a loving father ... but i love you my sweet angel ...

​@@aliboulahna863 She will probably tell (and maybe she has already told) your daughter that it was you who didn't want to see her, and that's why you are never there for her. Of course, as our saying goes: you can never plaster the sun up. Wish you and your daughter the best!

You're not alone I too grew up without a father and as I result I vowed to do everything within my power to be with my children. Today at 46 yrs I believe I've done a good job at it inspite of the "father wounds" that have sometimes made me behave in ways I should not have.

@@aliboulahna863 this post didn’t seem to be about you… but go ahead and make it anyway 🙈

Same here 💔

Birth Certificate dude I feel that. I have a neighbor a retired sheriff. Great family guy and I call him my old man. Cause I’ve literally talking to him more than I have my own father in my entire life

Ya its hard for me sometimes to not hail a friend of my moms or a coworker or something as having aspects of being a father figure to me and its even harder to distinguish between a dude who is actually providing good advice and support vs someone who is manipulative and tries to put me down. Its one of my defining weaknesses in life

Amen 🙏🏽

@@victore.1509 How much of that is what your mom told you though? Have you ever talked to your dad and asked him personally how he feels? Ask him why he has done some of the things he has done? Two sides to every story.

O̸͇͋o̵͇̕ 0̵̗̉ bruh he was beaten, you don’t need someone to tell you you were beaten

Please know it wasn’t about YOU but rather about him. You are ENOUGH, you are WORTHY, you MATTER, your feelings matter and the attention you give yourself matters from the book of Iyanla Vanzant

Ty, wishing you the best! Do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.

Same I'm Balling my eyes out

@@therealinternetdad how can I help you pandemic?

I feel this. 💭

Haizek Haze it sucks lmao

I think this perspective may help you. A biological dad is what you want, but just as it usually is, we don't always get what we want. But more important is the fact that you have what you need (which I wish I had btw. I have a dad but he just doesn't play that fatherly role in my life and now I'm 25 and preparing to get married soon, but of late, I've just been feeling that void a father should fill). Don't be mad at yourself for wanting your biological dad, it's only normal. But be more grateful for the dad you have and try your best to strengthen your relationship with him.

@laura leclair I can feel your pain on this. My stepdad (Daddy) raised me since age 2, but my Biological Father has always been around (spent inconsistent time together with him, stepmom, and sisters), but I've always felt guilty about loving my stepdad so much. I LOVE him beyond words, am ever so thankful for him, and would not trade him for ANYTHING. I just thought all of that love should have been reserved for my "real dad" Father. Today I am on a journey to gain my own healing from the discord in my relationship with my Father. I am starting to have compassion for him, because I don't think he was given the tools to be the Father I've wanted. But I must say, I DO have the Father that was necessary to raise me to be a the woman that I am today.

I'm 36..The father wound hurts deeply. I need help

@Michelle Staunton 3.5mm jack

@@c0784 🤣🤣🤣 nice

@Michelle Staunton it means he's ripped, ie he's fit and mascular

Omg 7 yo seeing that? Horrible