Since you asked for - presumably constructive - criticism, I'm inclined to provide mine. 0:04 - Really nice touch, a ship with engines off, on geostationary orbit, and without escort, hinting infiltration mission wo saying it. Well established narrative in the first few seconds. 0:15 - Makes sense that there are no staff in the launch bay, but whom should the deployment screen inform then? Probably would be more in line with the narrative within the pod, as the rendition is nice. 0:24 - That is probably a mistaken function. On the original model it is a jet intake, meaning that the direction of the force will be in the opposite direction, decelerating the pod once it's in the atmosphere. 0:42 - Nice touch with the course correction, and love the texture choice on the planet. 0:51 - That's a bit abrupt of a cutting, could linger a bit longer, maybe with some added dust particles. At 0:57 it seems like it punched straight through the roof of a corridor/tomb, but it's somewhat unclear from the previous shot. 0:56 - So he's on a solo mission. That is an interesting narrative choice, even for a Deathwatch hero, but I'm curious. 0:59-1:01 - OK, so the character's movement speed should be corrected. The scene of getting released by the hooks and walking out of the pod seems much faster than the part of arriving to the door at 1:03. Don't be afraid to use different angles, panning out and showing the scene in its totality. Right now it's a bit jarring where he actually put the hacking device. 1:10 - It's nice that the lights show up even before opening the door. 1:19 - Again, a bit slower pacing could evoke dread and suspension. Especially with the 1:24 transition to the crypt. 1:31 - Not really befitting narratively but the effect is nice nonetheless. Maybe if he was a Phobos captain... 1:47 - The armor is a nicely detailed, real-scale one, without the heroic over-the-topness, but narratively: why did he disengage cloak? 1:48 - OK, you probably used an improved model on that one than a second before. No bolter in the previous one's hand, no sword sheath on his backpack. That sound effect with the suddenly appearing purity seal was weird, thought he got shot. Nice touch with the sword's faint glow on the chestplate. 1:56 - That whole thing happened waaay to fast, I actually had to play it frame by frame so I could see that the sparks came from the staff of light, not the sword hitting the ground. Like, with quarter speed it would be so much better. 1:58 Oh man, I'm such a sucker for Lichguards. And makes sense that they for the Lord's retinue. Again, slow down, necron infantry were never famed of their speed. 2:03 The captain (from here on I'll call him that) - lands on his knee, then on the next frame he is on his feat again. Maybe cut the landing and just make him arrive on his feet, jumping himself onto the Lyches. Again, a slighter slower speed would be nice, especially with the planned choreography of grabbing one of the phase blades and hacking the opponent with them (cool idea btw). The entire 10 seconds from here is a constant blur of motion that is incredibly hard to follow... which makes sense lore-wise, Space Marines really fight with such speed that it's nearly impossible to follow with the human eye, but it makes a poor visual enjoyment. Also, where is his bolter throughout this? 2:14 - man, such a nice callback on the Phase-out rule. 2:23 - It's 100% the necron fan in me, but the lord should be waaay bigger, like 25-30% larger, looming above the Captain. Glad you've gone with the old-school cloak+staff of light model. Also, the slowdowns you did in the fight, try them out in the previous one, it will be a massive improvement. Also also, kudos for the track choice. 2:42 - if that was a phase shifter, dude, that's such a cool idea - however, the cap should not wait for the hand to re-align itself and press on the attack. 2:52 - Hold on, I have SOOOO many questions. Even though I visited it frame by frame, for the life of me I could not tell what just happened... What did he smash? Did the lord just Veil of Darkness'd away? When did he take out his combat blade? And from earlier, why is there a sword sheath on his backpack? How did he had a sheath at the ready if he just recovered the blade? Did he count on having it and brought one just in case? Why did he not engage cloak again? That 7 second should be reworked so it would be more clear. 3:03 - OK, so this run is a massive improvement over the initial walk out of the drop pod. 3:08 - Wooow, that is waaay unbelievable, even in-universe. Necron Warriors should easily survive a bolter round or two before collapsing, let alone four of them. 3:14 - love those closing doors - some real Tesseract horror vibe over there. However, it is massively undercut that he can just easily barge through at 3:17. 3:21 Hoooly C'tan, that's precisely how I imagine a wraith attack - out of nowhere, blink, shoot, and you're dead. Nice application of slo-mo. 3:37 - Man I love your Thunderhawk model. However the camera movement is a bit jarring, especially the sharp turn after 3:40. That vehicle should be unable to do that. An advice, cut back to the captain, then at the plane at 3:45 when it is opened its ramp - it will feel more natural. 3:52 - That throw was a bit clunky, looked like it was yanked in on a wire to the marine in the TH. Also, I don't think a brother in his rank would've been left behind - even for his gene seed. As for his death animation, I suspect you tried to replicate the flaying effect from the 9th ed promo video, but the execution is a bit weird. It probably would be more in line with the fluff if he just fell over from the wound, maybe the wraith showing up again to deliver a kill shot and force the TH to escape. 4:15 - love that bridge layout. There's room to play with lighting so you can cover the copied operators and stations - overall be less visible and darker on the bridge overall. 4:33 - Good idea with the voiceover servo skull, lore-accurate way of skipping lip-syncing :D Also, exterminatus, what not to love? Props for not just blowing it instantly to 1000s of pieces like a deathstar explosions; the scale comes throuh much better.
Crep dude... If I could like this twice I would - this is something of the beat feedback I've ever received (and to think I got it from the yt comment section) I'll have to go over it a couple more times, but as you say timing and camerawork are my weakest points.. I hope to make my next animation twice as professional at least, and I also hope to get Legio symphonic to do the sound design ;) Again thanks a bunch dude!
Oh, and I'll improve the continuity of my story as well (as you noticed I kept jumping between model iterations, some with a bolter, sword sheath laurel wreath etc.. I'm still amazed you were able to notice his bolter vanishing lol
Also, to answer most of your questions (such as disengaging cloak, or why he had it in the first place) its because I didn't plan out the story in enough detail, so I had to cheat a bit to accelerate the plot.. The part at the end of the duel was meant to be the captain knocking the Lord back, then jamming the door by stabbing a control panel (though again, I simply didn't have a proper idea to end the fight with) To avoid stuff like that I'll storyboard my next animation (a trailer) then make an animatic before actually working in blender..
@@Wolphen I'm glad you found it useful, will looking forward to your next stuff. To quote our Emperor, "we will watch your career with great interest".
@@Wolphen also a bit of criticism here. His proportions are kinda off. His breastplate goes too far down his midsection for a single piece. And the shoulders are somewhat narrow for an astartes. I feel like widening the shoulders would allow for more fluid movement in the arms, which also seemed a bit rigid. The walk cycle seems too abrupt. The movements don't flow very smoothly into each other. And very robotic. Doesn't lean forward, widen his stance, or widen his arms. That's it Just give the astartes body more of a V shape, and the rest will follow
Awesome! GJ. You have a lot of potential as a creator. I also want to give you credit for asking for feedback- most important way to improve. I hope you keep at it. Loved the use of sound effects. It gave the whole thing more weight. I also like the visual story-telling. No need for exposition. Also The establishing shots of the tomb is really nice. What I would look at is building tension- as an example when the Astartes is retrieving the blade- it seems like he thinks he is alone since he removes his camouflage. Slow down the scene and let him realize his mistake. Same goes for those awesome closing walls later on. The tension is kinda ruined by him just smashing through the wall. Main point being- look at building tension.
Hey dude! I feel like I'm repeating myself when answering comments such as these, but what can I say? I'm super happy you liked it, and I hope to prove you right when it comes to the improvement of my animations ;) And yeah, your feedback is very much true... I'm story-boarding all my future animations first, so that it will help me sketch out a great story before starting the actual animating part, instead of having a stitched together story-line ;D But yeah! Ty for the feedback mate! Cheers! :D
Great work! I love the slow-motion parts. Really adds drama to the story. I would would on your animations a little more and the camera movement. Maybe start with a solid walk cycle for the hero as your models are great and you can slow down the camera jumps so we can keep up with the intense blade work!
Hey dude! I'm really happy you liked it! Thanks for the feedback as always ;) I'm working on improved models, environments, textures, animations and camerawork for the next one, which will hopefully solve most inadequacies this film showed...
@@Wolphen i would recommend focusing on creating a short, that has basic elements: protagonist, antagonist, and setting. Then you can always add to the assets as you add to the narrative! I see this is how @astartes may have worked and incrementally increased the length of his videos from 1-2 min to 7min!
Aside from the for lack of a better term clunky movement animations this was a solid job, however you nailed the atmosphere the Necron tomb looked fantastic, if you get some more practice in with the movement animations and make them more fluid then I'd dare say you're well on your way to being fine animator, this video is already going on my 40k playlist and I look forward to seeing more. Best of luck to you.
I was thinking he was this lone operative, bound to the inquisition, which is why he has so much op shit (and yes I did come up with this before the space marine 2 trailer came out with TItus and his whole Inquisition thing)
....I'm going to be critical, if I may. The animation is a bit rough, but that can be forgiven. I don't expect Astartes level quality from fan-made stuff; he was the exception, not the rule. I daresay your skills will improve with time. The real problem is the plot: Why is an Imperial weapon being held in the middle of a Necron Tomb World, for no apparent reason? Setting is as important as motive. Why does an Inquisitor send one guy, rather than a whole Kill Team, to retrieve something apparently so important that it must be recovered before blowing the place to smithereens? Why do Necrons have Security doors apparently so flimsy you can just run through them? Not very secure, are they?
Hey dude, first, I just wanna say that I critical comments are the best kind ;). You are right in saying that the plot was kinda messed up.... I kinda stitched it together and then went along with whatever seemed fine while animating, but yeah everything you say is pretty much on point xD I'm storyboarding my next baimation, and peer reviewing it so it hopefully makes more sense than this one, and yeah I hope the jump in quality will be more than noticeable :D Again thanks for the comment mate!
@@Wolphen While I do stand by everything I said, I was worried that I may have worded it a little strongly; but I'm glad that you took it in the spirit that it was meant. Good luck in your future endeavours; I'll be watching this space.
