I was married 26 years with the most overbearing in laws. One day my mother in law convinced my husband to leave our family and that the marriage was a mistake. He left. He is now remarried our adult children have never recovered and they hate their grandmother. HATE her.He is having g the same issues in his new marriage to some degree. I do know if I ever choose to marry, his mother has to be dead. I’m not going through that battle again because you can’t win
The issues my husband and I have had is that his family is always asking for money. He’s expected to help his married sister financially, he’s expected to cover his parents retirement, cause they didn’t plan. He’s expected to jump in and help his brother financially with his kids. It’s caused a lot of issues in the marriage. I filled for divorce, my husband didn’t want to have a divorce. So we’re working on things and I am praying my husband can set boundaries. I pray my mother in law can find in her heart to respect our union and let my husband go.
Erika, you are not responsible to provide money to ANY people who have not responsibly planned for their financial needs. The expectations put on your husband are unrealistic and crazy. You might have to be the one to inform his family they are now cut off from the spiggot. Not a cent more. If necessary, move geographically many, many miles away and once you've moved, don't give anyone your new phone number or address- and I mean anyone. You have the right to tell your husband,"It's me or your family but it won't be both."
I guess I'm in the same boat. I understand exactly what it means to leave and cleave but my husband does not. Even with our finances and decisions that we are suppose to make as a couple, He will always discuss it with his father and brother first and then he will tell me afterwards. For example the 3 of them decided to work together on a project I and I felt like as his wife he could have discussed it with me first.He already decided that I wasn't part of their decisions. I was so devistaded that I decided to leave our home for a few days. I was at my parent's house. 5 days later he decided to come to his parents's hometown, where I work, he didn't come to my workplace, didn't call me or ask me to meet him up just decided to take his mom, dad and brother out for the day leaving me out. We are only married for 4 months. I am currently at my parents house. I'm still figuring out what I need to do. I just wish I could have been his first priority. But clearly he is still cleaving to mom and dad and brother of course.
My hubby and I have a rule that if we're going to ask for advice from parents, we ask both sides. We also only ask for advice from our parents if we're together. That way I'm not running to my parents and him to his. Keep working on your marriage and maybe you'll have to follow his advice to separate geographically! We live about 2000 miles from home, and it puts us in control of how often we're with family. We normally call both sets of parents once per week and then dont talk to them too much throughout the week. We love and respect our families, but we have boundaries! It takes time and we're still figuring it out at 5 years of marriage. Praying you and your spouse can work through this together 🙏🏻
Good session, I bet the devil is melting away. I like the idea of pastoral counseling, which I have never heared of before. I thank you for these words I receive in Christ Jesus, Yeshua: amen! Annelies Bakker, the Netherlands.
Have known this all my life...but not in words. Sent this Focus on the Family 'pearl' to my four adult children & families - now well into their thirties and forties. Focus on the Family WISDOM. GODs TRUTH. Thanks on behalf of the Grandchildren.
Great conversation. Thank you for this. But what if your spouse isn't supportive (emotionally, physically, or monetarily) and wants you to leave your relationship with your family behind?
Know I'm late to this but hope you are ok, be very careful about anyone that wants to separate you from family and friends run, it's isolating you, red flags. I've seen too many times this happen then they don't remember their name in ten years and the blood family picks up the pieces.
The worst is In-laws saying “We am now here only for you (their son) and to separate the woman you are now married to and we will do everything in our power to make that happen.” They never showed love and affection to him but now that he has found someone who dies care fir him unconditionally who does give him love and attention, the in laws shower him like never before to sabotage the marital relationship snd the son soaks it up getting attention from two adversarially sides.
...Thank you for this sitcom,Thank you Lord. I just have question in relation to this, how does James 3:17 applies to this where in fact in laws(wife's) are living with us and you wife doesn't want them to go?Thank you
I'm reaching out in hopes to get some insight. I'm getting married in 2 weeks. He feels we should live in separate households for the first year of our marriage is this wise to do so? Thank you in advance for any insight on this.
That literally makes no sense. You move into a house as soon as possible after marriage. You're supposed to be becoming one flesh and living the rest of your life with them. That's a deal breaker if you are made to do that. That's super shady. I wouldn't wait one minute to move in if it was my wife.
