Blaming other ppl...sabotaging..being perfect then a shell..then hateful that "goodness" is not reciprocated...covert narcs...self hatred masked behind split. Just a guess. Also....thinking i know it all...lol
People with Scorpio rising have a very intense stare. It can be intimidating for some people. It is like you can see straight through certain people and that's what is so intimidating and can freak some people out. That is my experience of having Scorpio rising in my Astrological birth chart.
Frank James I never really thought of it like that!,I can read people easy even their next moves and puzzles I like it but damn didn't know were really rare!💯Love to all PEACE FROM GUAM💜🤙🏽
You should try listening to yourself speak sometimes you show a clear disgust for people with narcissistic traits, and yet you appear to believe all narcissists are in love with you? Ha. Ha. Ha.
Yeah I experienced that too. Whats funny and scary is, I heard them discuss in their group of friends that Im sexualy attracted to them. Lol. And they are waiting for me to approach them and say what they want to hear. Hahajajajajajaj
someone was like "i like you." "i don't like you back, i'm sorry i hope we can still be friends" "but you were flirting with me" "was i ??" "yes, you were being super considerate" "that's just my personality i dont have a choice"
@@crunchbucket3derham951 Which makes this line even better, because it opens the dialogue to the topic of MBTI types and psychology! I'd be excited if an attractive bloke asked me that. (Though, I may not divulge my type lol.)
When your staring at a teacher in class and you know they're wondering if your confused or not. So you focus on changing your facial expression, but end up not obtaining the information. No just me?
frontlinepdx, obviously you are not in the club. If you were, you would know he pain of being alone your whole life, no one understanding or validating you. And since we are homebodies, the internet is an easy place to find us because we are spread out and in hiding. If you are trolling, you better look somewhere else.
Z P I have watched a few videos on this subject because I suspect that I am one of these people. I’m also a stubborn asshole so I kind of don’t care about the club or labels in general (I’m still not sure what a gamma is). I believe in the uniqueness of the individual pretty strongly, and the power of the will. I don’t mean to troll or torment honest, good people, but I can, and will, if I want. Be well, sir, or madame, if you chose to.
I didn’t take it that frontlinepdx is trolling. It has been a pain that no one else interested in the abstract, feely stuffs I’d like to talk about. I don’t like interacting with extroverts, so therefore, you’re right. My best dating experience has been with another INFJ. I wouldn’t mind dating an Infp, though.
As an INFJ I am definitely interested in others so identified. Helps me understand myself better. But it’s also because I care about others and am delighted there are others. I am trying to understand how I am similar and also different from others who apparently approach life the same way I do. Just to realize this is a style not unique to myself has been quite enlightening - and I feel an affinity with Frank and other INFJ channels just because I get it. I've been there. I am 68 now and I've gone through most of the painful stages of having this personality profile - of loneliness which has now become aloneness - of not having understood why I must maintain distance and remain away from the center - to now embracing that distance because it preserves freedom - Of having no real self acceptance because I never measured up to my own standards to now having embraced my own individuality. I am now learning more about how I am wired. And that's major cool. Also I find some fellowship in the fact I can affirm other INFJs who are wired in the same way. For me though, my journey of finding a way out of the mess and a way through to life really began when I found faith in Jesus Christ. That is an immediate change but also a long term process of growth ... And one begins then to ascertain where one fits into the overall scheme of things. The why am I here bit. And I keep wondering if I will ever come across another INFJ in one of these discussions who has also found that particular path/ and that answer. For me, it is central. But it does not seem to be common. And I find that perplexing, for we are seekers of truth. In time, I trust I will find the answer even to this. But regardless, I will go on. Thanks Frank and others who have shared their heart-felt insights.
Carol , Hello I usually don’t ever comment, however I feel as though I need to say something to you. I believe deeply in my heart (I’m not sure if its the absolute purpose), that God has called me to a certain path, and I know the things he wants me to do. Btw, I’m also an INFJ. 🌸
@Vani S because it's naturally hard for me to give a crap. I've got books to read and often want the yappy things talking about the weather and sports to just go away. The INFJs are exciting because they really can talk about stuff that matters.
Same. It’s so weird. It’s to the point where I sometimes think, “couldn’t everyone develop the cognitive functions of an INFJ with time? How can people just be so unaware and still be.....people??” Haha, and I’m not asking this with a superior mindset, rather just in a truly perplexed state of mind. And I recognize that everyone else has gifts and abilities that I could only dream of having. The difference is that I recognize what everyone’s abilities are, but it seems weird that other people are just so unaware.
Do any INFJ's have a habit of "spacing off" or having a faraway look all the time? Just because I'm taking in so much information and so inside my own head. In stores, I've often been asked if I'm looking for something in specific. No ma'am, just the meaning of life. lol
When I space out, it's either because I'm suffering input overload or I'm processing what I've taken in. The only other time I space out is when I'm eating something really delicious. :-)
I catch myself doing that. Most of the time it's in public and I have to tell myself "come back and look at something else" I will space out and be in my own thoughts and feels for like 5 minutes without knowing it.
Teachers used to think I was daydreaming in class and were surprised that I always had valuable things to say when they asked me questions. They thought I was daydreaming when I was just processing the information.
I have the same thing once in class a teacher asked me if i understood the subject she was talking about and i got confused because i did so after class i asked my friends why she asked me that and they said it looked like i was spacing off
Is it just me or does any other INFJ feel drained when they come home, like from work, school etc? I'm a barista and I'm constantly dealing with so many people with different personalities; I'm adapting and pretending, smiling and reading subconsciously. It's honestly so draining. I can literally feel myself staring and making connections even if I don't want to - which, I don't...But, I do anyway. I connect so much and feel so exhausted when I get home. It's hard trying to explain to people who aren't like me why I'm always so tired.
I could not agree more! I am an INFJ and work as a barista at a Starbucks, and the hundreds of people I deal with on a daily basis is too much for me. I come home after talking with so many people and I honestly just crash.
I felt this on a spiritual level. Over time, I realized that I dont have the strength it takes to technically camouflage into a situation anymore. Its draining and takes an emotional toll on you. Lately, ive been taking personality tests again, and, despite the fact that it might not be 100% reliable, most of them literally say that im no longer an infj, and im starting to lean towards being an infp. Its weird, like being a shell if an infj and still relating to it, but im no longer spiritually strong enough of how tough it is to actually be an infj
same here ... and I've worked as a barista mate..I need help I always feel exhausted after a long period of socializing (work etc...) I dropped my job after 2 weeks for twice because of feeling exhausted by the smiling and interacting and replying to people I thought it's an abnormal anxiety cause I take medication for anxiety/depression but now... I get why !
as an introvert, I hate staring at people, when I'm talking about my experiences I'm looking everywhere but into someone's eyes yet when I listen it's like a STARING CONTEST... WTF.
Hmm I have a theory. I think that this happens because when we are trying to word what were thinking about, we can't really make eye contact because we need to focus on saying what were saying instead of absorbing the other person's energy, but when were listening all were doing is listening.
You should read “The Introvert Advantage”. The author discusses this tendency for introverts to need to look away from people when talking so that we can focus on communicating our thoughts.
Is that why I don't like eye contact? It feels too intimate and weird for the other person and I can totally feel that come back at me. Sometimes people think it's flirting.
I hated eye contact as a kid. Maybe I subconsciously knew it would cause me to know nore than I felt like knowing but generally it was uncomfortable for me, like I was shameful. Maybe because it would open a whole new world, who knows, but I gradually made myself used to it so that I could look directly at people, but I generally do feel more comfortable when I don't gotta. There's been a few times I have resisted the urge to stare down a stranger and read them as well bc eventually they could notice. Oh dear.
Weird. It’s hard to continually make eye contact in a conversation. I always heard you should look a person in the eye when you’re talking to them because you can’t trust someone who won’t “look you in the eye”. But I find myself looking away because I’m trying to process what I’m about to say. I know all the right words and ideas are there but spitting them out correctly is a chore for me. I hate to stumble over words and much prefer to write or type what I need to say.
@@frankbennett6012 This can also be true. I'm simply more comfortable looking away half the time, sometimes I use whatever I'm doing at the moment as an excuse to not look at the person at all. I also have a hard time saying what I want to the way I want to. Sometimes I can't even socialize unless I stop thinking and blurt out whatever comes to mind at the moment but then I can relax bc I put aside the pressure of getting them to understand then Iater I can more easily break down a new thought and feed it to them more leisurely like a baby bc I naturally analyze how they percieve things. Lol
@@frankbennett6012 I feel the exact same way. I prefer to type or write to better say what I want to say. And person to person convos I'm always reminding myself to look at them in the eyes, or its rude or the person doesn't thinks it's that sincere of a convo, I get self-confidence about that but then looking in their eyes is even more uncomfortable. 😂
I can figure a person’s agenda with a glance at their eyes...but can’t remember their name to save my life unless I see something exceptional in them.....
stylememaria yes. As they’re telling the story I’m hurting like it’s fresh and even when I see a fresh hurt I hurt in my chest like a heart break. It’s crazy. I literally feel other people’s pain. It’s why we protect ourselves a lot from getting close to people. Bleeding heart and all.
Any INFJ's that randomly talk to them selves in a mirror and notice their own facial expression,admiring how cute they are and wink? no? mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. just me then.
@@ted5871 Lmaoo right. Sometimes I feel like my face changes with my mood. Like if I'm feeling myself and have been hyping myself up all day I look in the mirror and am like damn! I'm really that beautiful. And when I feel insecure I'm like damn do I really look that busted. We're honestly such little weirdos but I love it
There's this comedian,John Mulaney in one of his segments said sth along the lines of "I don't know what my body is for other than taking me from room to room.."that hit hard.I'm forever feeling like i have sb else's body,face esp.I rarely look at myself in the mirror cuz it's scary af.
So many of my friends have looked at me and were concerned like "Are you ok?" And I'm like "Yeah, why?" And they're like "You look sad" or "You're just staring off into the distance" and I'm just like "Yeah, no I was just thinking don't worry about it"
@@NJ-wb1cz i have no idea half of what you are saying. But the infj and the 16 personality thingi. Its like the same as the constilation people. Its dumb. Besides for a guy who is an infj and introverted and "hidden" inside or what ever they call it. He has a lot to show on the room that tells me a lot about him. His telling people. Read me cuz im that easy to read
@@SZ-jr8pt just read your reply because someone upvoted mine. I've since learned a lot more about INFJs, and now I realize that there was absolutely zero chance of my comment being understood by anyone but _some_ INFPs with extremely underdeveloped Fe and overdeveloped Fi. INFPs and INFJs have fundamentally different understanding what "reading" is, and it has a fundamentally different place in our value system - and I seem to be on a far side of that spectrum. I don't use it to feel better than someone, or to invade someone's head, or to place myself above someone, or to manipulate someone (the very concept is completely foreign and absurd to me) or anything like that, it's the _only_ way for me to see. It's _without it_ I'm absolutely blind and can easily be a total asshole to others without realizing it. For me it's not the difference between knowing how to manipulate and abuse a person or not (which is what INFJs tend to assume and guard against), it's the difference between seeing a person with all their feelings and needs as if they were me and trying to make them feel better, or not seeing them and treating them like they don't have any needs and feelings. In the latter case I have to constantly and purposefully change my behavior to try to be more humane towards them "manually", and it's annoying, draining and artificial, and I tend to eventually mistreat them here and there anyway. I've deleted it to prevent further misunderstanding.. ps. I view MBTI from purely utilitarian perspective and it does help me understand myself and others better. Whatever helpful is helpful, and discarding it altogether just because it's a completely manufactured idea just doesn't seem smart to me - my own assumptions and mindsets are also manufactured ideas, and stealing some mindsets of others seems like a nice cheat to save on effort and profit off of other people's experience.
I had my stare even when I was younger, it made people really uncomfortable. I was this cute little blonde girl with pigtails and a death stare, my parents called it my “owl look.”
“INFJ’s don’t often feel like they’re ‘in their bodies’...” WHAT IS THIS?! This is me, all-the-time, but I’ve never been able to describe it - or God forbid tell anyone else about it - and I’d love to know what “this” is... I almost dropped my phone when I heard you say that.
Stellar Celeste Dissociation. A coping mechanism made is defense against traumatic experiences probably made worse by the fact that ONFJs think too much instead of living and feeling in the moment. I did this and am still working on it because it’s a difficult habit to break. Also, I am an INFJ as well
We have worked out long ago , that the "I" is not really my body. The real "I" is my mind. That inner dialogue is so exciting and interesting! Sure I stare, but it doesn't take a mature INFJ to sum up a person really fast, and see exactly where they fit into the overall human pattern.
Also an INFJ mine specifically is depersonalisation - partially thanks to my brain's coping mechanism for anxiety and also partially because I tune out from situations while I'm observing so it feels like 'I' am not there or rather that I am watching the situation through a TV screen in my head and am removed from it all. Super freaky when I had it full on but a lot easier to manage now that I can give it a name
I’ve discovered that doing these things isn’t healthy. Our minds are interesting places but when I’m in the thick of a depressive episode it’s really unwise to let my brain wander. It’s important to try to live in reality and let our intuition exist as a part of ourselves but not be our entire selves. And not dive into our mind palaces alone too often.
I’m sure we have all heard, “when you look at me it’s like you are scanning my soul”...”your eyes are amazing!”...”when you look at me I feel I could tell you anything”...”I feel like I have known you forever”...”you listen so well”...”are you a physic “
I'm an INFJ, and I don't know if this is gonna sound really weird or not, but while he's explaining what introverted intuition is, I instantly, already knew exactly what he means by the "INFJ stare", before he even started talking about it
Sometimes i even stare at the wall when im thinking and my family freaks out every time they see me. Thinks im losing my shit but im just organizing my thoughts. And for myself staring at people, its the same thing. They get awkward with me when they stare back and i smile not to look creepy but i end up creepy more because of the smile. Hahaha. It usually happens when a person is speaking and am listening and figuring them out and when they look at me, i smile or have a staring contest and they end up not looking at me anymore. Hahahah
Yoo Kyungwan staring at the wall! Guilty as well!!! Hahaha, I used to stop with the bread halfway in the air from my mouth while getting ready for school to develop some idea. Used to drive mom crazy, she thought I was ready to pass out or something.
My INFJ stare can mean anything from “I am seeing you right to your soul” to “I am analyzing you on various levels” to (mirroring mode) “Omg. How ridiculous. Look at yourself” to “I am not even here right now, but I am very much aware of what is going on around me”, etc. Gotta love our versatility. 🤷🏾♀️
When I'm listening to someone I don't know very well and I'm fully engaged, I see in their expression that my eye contact is unnerving them. I get distracted by their discomfort because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, so I try to meter it out and look away every so often. But it feels SO unnatural and I'm putting so much energy into regulating how I look at them that I'm no longer listening properly and I'm worried that they either: think I'm bored, or: can see the whole inner turmoil on my face. It's awkard.
I would find a constant smile creepy. :D Seriously. I was talking to a woman one time about the pagan roots of some practices in Christian holidays and she kept smiling and saying, "How interesting." Then she talked about me behind my back to a friend, and they both figured that I had slipped over the line from genius into insanity. I was so mad about her phoniness, encouraging me to talk when all the time she thought I was nuts. By the way, I am not a genius. I just happened to have read books a lot more than her and that other lady.
Two of my kids- my daughter (24 yrs) and son (20) and I are all INFJs and it's not complicated at all. We all know instantly where we are coming from and are usually on the same page- if not we can get to the same page with only a word of two. It's uncanny.
Whenever I stare at people in a convo I often make up my responses in my head but never say them, so sometimes I assume I told someone something but in actuality I just thought it, it's frustrating!
Katy Plays Sims yeah I did this especially when I was taking college courses ( my brain was everywhere). My friend was like “ did you hear me” and I said “yeah you didn’t hear my answer” she stared at me and said “ I didn’t see your mouth move this whole time”. It’s embarrassing.🙃
My ex bestfriend used to be so frustrated with me. She would say I only replied to 3 things she said out of 10. And I would be like what are you talking about I replied you. She would say scroll up and I would and be like I swear I thought of all the responses but apparently never typed it out. Sigh.
Like the one gray hair and the other piece of hair that keeps wanting to attach itself to his face? That the spots on his shirt were, in fact, not bleach?
I frequently move the screen up on my laptop when watching MBTI videos because the accompanying clips they show are distracting or the person is just sharing information and they aren't as interesting as Frank. Sometimes he's annoying with his exaggerated way of talking and moving, but I understand it is to keep his audience from nodding off to sleep or changing the channel because they are bored.
Coming from an enfp presently crushing on an infj, I think it's easier for you guys to be "ignored" in a group because you guys seem to "allow" everyone to go ahead of you out of sheer politeness. It's this maturity of yours that people seem to overlook and it makes you appear as a pushover( which you're not💖)or "easily forgettable" but enfp catches on to this.😏💖
Leslie What is this?! I ALWAYS feel like I’m almost a passenger alongside of my mind’s eye and that I’m not really “in” my body. There will be times when I’m actually astounded that I’m doing whatever it is at the time because I feel like I’m just “not there” mentally. It sounds so crazy when I say it aloud but I’m so curious about this!
@@noriii971 yes kinda...I have the same thing,it's hard to explain its like a force or energy that comes from ur eyes and from eye contact U can tell the person ur having eye contact ,if ur angry,sad,flirty.etc. by just looking at them,well that's what I think and feel.and I also feel like they understand what im trying to tell them through eye contact!
Sometimes when I speak with someone I have to be like: Okay look at them. Okay now look away for a few seconds. Nowwwww look back just so they don't think I'm acting weird or staring at them lol
Hahaha same here, I'm always misinterpreted by the way I stare.. Because they think I'm angry or being grumpy will infact I'm just thinking having this mini debate in my head hahaha
I just recently realized that I was an INFJ and I’ve been staring at people for as long as I can remember!!! I think what bothers me the most is when people don’t look back at me, I feel like they’re hiding something. But when people do look back at me, I’m like 👁👄👁
As a fellow INFJ, can I just say that Dumbledore was my most hated character in the series? Like, I dislike him even more than Umbridge and Voldemort and Petunia. Am I the only one? 😣
@@theutopianist33 From my point of view, he had been an integral factor and manipulator that led to Tom and Harry's circumstances. 1. He alienated and scrutinized Tom Riddle because of his moral code of "Slytherin's descendants are bad". The moment Dumbledore realized that Tom could speak to snakes, he was immediately cold and highly suspicious of Tom's every move. As Tom was a developing child, I have reason to believe that Dumbledore's authority and constant suspicion had been a massive contributor of his descent to Voldermort. 2. He advocated abuse and mistreatment, for a good long-term cause. Dumbledore had been aware of the Dursleys' abuse of Harry. Evidence: Hogwarts letter was addressed to Cupboard Under The Stairs. The only reason that I can think for an INFJ to allow abuse is if they believe that it would make a person better in the long run. As shown, Harry was bedazzled by the wizarding world after years of abuse, believing that everything Dumbledore said and did was good and right. This helped Dumbledore to create a malleable hero. Another case would be Sirius Black. It was obvious in Prisoner of Azkaban: Dumbledore knew that Sirius had been innocent the whole time. I mean, Dumbledore was the one who hinted at Harry to save his godfather. So why didn't he take action thirteen years ago and stand for Sirius's innocence? The only answer that I can arrive to is: If Sirius was free, he would have had contest over Harry's guardianship rights (as a godfather), which would screw up Dumbledore's plan of raising a malleable hero.
My dad always told me I was the one person he could never figure out and a lot of my classmates said I was the hardest person to read out of everyone in our grade. I thought something was wrong with me. But a few days ago I randomly watched a video on infj personality traits and then did a personality test. It all makes sense now. It was actually a huge relief to know that it’s not some kind of mental illness or something
Honestly, it feels like every personality type is a mental illness. As an ENTP, I have ADHD and have some narcissistic traits but not enough to be diagnosed. I literally feel like this world was made for ISFJ (nurse) or ESFP (cool girl) women and the top 4 most common personality types for men.
My whole life I felt misunderstood and I didn’t feel anybody could “get”me, and when I opened up to someone they always called me an exaggerated person or weird in a bad way and I needed to change. I thought I had a mental problem , and recently I didn’t know who I was until a friend ( she is an INFP and the only one who kind of understands how I feel) of mine showed me the personality exam, resulting in INFJ, and with some research and patience I felt identified and relived that INFJ’s exist and it’s not some illness, now I’m actually happy bc I feel like I am not alone anymore and accept me as who I am, I feel like home :D
Now I understand Why Guys Think I am Flirting with them .. When Actually i am just Taking information or maybe their Stupidity Rendered me Speechless.! 🤣🤣
The first time I became aware of my stare (as you described it), was when a teacher stopped a class and asked if I was confused because I had a strange stare on my face. I was simply taking it all in.
Relatable! When I ask a question in class, the teacher will explain it and the whole time I'm trying to look like I'm actually listening to the answer when in reality I'm FIGHTING not to read into the teacher while they're talking to me. Then 99% they will follow up with a skeptical look and say "does that make sense?" And I always say yes of course cause I dont want to go through it again. That's why I avoid asking questions. 😓
Once my teacher in class noticed my stare and asked me about it in front of the whole class. I wasn't even aware that i was staring at him the whole time. It was embarassing!
SAME. our teacher has the tendency to just roam around the classroom while explaining a concept. everyone else would be staring at the board where the slides are and i would just stare at the teacher while she’s explaining. everytime she catches me staring, she completely stops mid-sentence and say “huh, are you okay? did you understand that? what’s wrong?” because i apparently look as if i’m going to butcher someone but in reality i’m just trying to let the information soak.
@@urmama54 Keep staring at teachers. It's fine! if they hate it and get uncomfortable, the stock answer is "I'm looking at you when you are talking to me. It would be rude and ignorant, to ignore you".
INFJ too. Friends and family know that I daydream a lot and end up staring at them. My secret is that I'm not actually absent-minded at all :| It's simply easier to fall back on than explaining.
This is why I am very careful with my eye contact, I have realized that a lot of people tend to get intimidated by it, and I can feel that my lingering eye contact is somewhat intense. Unfortunately, I can't stop reading people when I look at them, It's out of my control, I collect everything, and I think that people notice that, which can make the whole thing pretty awkward for them. So I often limit my eye contact - thinking that it will make the other person more comfortable, the only time I go for full eye contact is when I'm interacting with individuals I feel can handle it well, in those cases it's really no problem at all. But those are rare individuals..
furthermore ....i end up possibly weirding out "normals " by doing the same - limiting eye contact....thinking , well , they wont then get the death stare ....but it usually ends up weirding them out as they pick up i am possibly hiding something or cant look at them and make them feel relaxed ......very odd .
I am supposedly an ENTP and I am genuinely interested and curious about people. So I go up to them and start a conversation. And guess what. Sometimes this behavior of mine is interpreted as flirting. Especially by introverts.
i am an INTJ if i stare at someone i just stare at a problem (it could be in a bad or a good way if they are the problem that's bad if their personality is interesting like a math problem now their good) if i dont you wont even notice me lol
Another thing, sometimes people think we're all zoned out and cold but sometimes my thoughts are so loud that I don't know what I actually said and what I didn't say. So then I take a step back and realize how closed off I seem to others.
Infj special traits and power are kinda psychic ability to read one's mind an aticipated action of words their going to say or act. Then we could be prepared fast in that moment. And the gut or intuition feeling love that ability to feels what will happend next. Love it .
LOL! "Not because we are interested in having very close relationships but just because we're interested in people and interpersonal dynamics." So very true, I couldn't have said it better. Totally explains the extroverted feelings I had when I was younger, I was simply trying to understand human nature through social interactions.
Yeah, that "Not because we are interested in having very close relationships but just because we're interested in people and interpersonal dynamics" statement was right on. With a lot of people, just regular people, a 15 minute conversation with them is enough for me. And some, a lot less than that.
The stare is so relatable... I tend to stare into people's eyes when i'm having a conversation with them until i get a weird stare back from them which makes me realise that its time to shift my gaze elsewhere. This makes me feel really uncomfortable because i don't want them to think i am rude or get creeped out, because neither am i rude nor am i creepy. It's really difficult when you have got a big pair eyes. Sometimes i just wanna wear shades all day, all night just so that no one can see who i'm looking at. Sometimes i just don't want to look at people, sometimes i just too scared to have an eye contact and so i avoid it.
do you also feel like you can tell what someone thinks about you or whether or not someone likes you just by being around that person and looking into their eyes? damn it's like you can look into their souls!! Maybe that IS why people get uncomfortable around us INFJs because they're scared we would read their minds!!! I believe INFJs possess a very strong and accurate intuition.
people who are aware get intimated, I been jokingly told by new people I meet that I'm a person to be feared because I observe everything so intensely.
I'm an INFJ, but my stare is different because of personal issues. I have a hard time maintaining eye contact cause it makes me uncomfortable from past emotional/verbal abuse. I'm also deaf, so I automatically watch people's mouths while they're talking, either spoken English or in sign language. The more comfortable I am with someone, the more eye contact I'll make. I'm still paying attention even though I'm not looking directly at someone, my deafness means hyper-aware through vision.
I have a hard time with eye contact as well, but when I was younger I thought everyone else could "read" people too, so I think mine started as a self defense tactic.
Wow. This is revolutionary. My stare has been misunderstood as flirtatious by some, a deep sense of admiration by some, an attempt to figure people out by some, and deemed uncomfortable by others. It all makes sense.
I remember when I was a kid, I asked my father this question "have you ever experienced this thing when you just stare-off somewhere and it feels as if you lose all your surroundings and you're just in your head?" He answered: "you are just staring-off mindlessly" I replied: "no it's something different" but I still couldn't explain it myself back then. Now that I'm older I kind of understand it. I'm not just blankly staring-off somewhere. I may look like that but actually I'm looking inside my mind and trying to decipher whatever thoughts are circling inside it at the moment while automatically absorbing additional info from the outside world. Like I'm here but actually not. That's the best explanation I can muster. I know you guys understand
I think we call it mindlessly but I think all peopel that do that actually are in their own worlds or are there peoople that actually do it mindlessly?
I don't stare off into space when other people are around, but I spend a lot of time alone and lie in bed for a long time, thinking about stuff. I've seen my son stare off into space. His personality is a lot like mine. One time when he was a teenager, he was sitting at the counter of the restaurant where I worked, staring off into space. The owner's daughter said to her mother, "What's the matter with him, staring like that?" The mother bear in me came roaring out and I snapped at her, "What's it to you? He isn't hurting anyone!" She backed off right away. It probably gave her quite a shock because I usually have a mild temper.
I lied. Im just a very intelligent istp One interesting thing though is istps and infjs can get along incredibly well. I have a couple infj friends that helped me distinguish But for any naruto fans out there, kisame and itachi were an istp/infj pair. They were the only members of akatski to actually become friends
INFJ stare in simple words: "I'm trying to read between the lines and under your facade, something that most people do, but because I'm so special I'm gonna be really obvious and creepy/rude while doing it".
I have mastered my gaze. I gather so much in a glance as to not stare at people. During initial contact, I greet them and look at their face while shaking hands, then it’s sporadic eye contact until I leave.
Not exactly. INFJs read deeper than most people, and more grown up INFJs have learned to do it while no one is looking, so we don't creep people out, and give them a compliment if they see us looking, like "I dig your earrings, shoes, glasses, shirt, etc," which is typically true, but so is they look as styling as Meryl Streep playing Miranda Priestly and I have accidentally fallen in crush with them (but we wouldn't say that, because that would be creepy) and creeping people out doesn't feel good to INFJs at all. (Also sometimes, we get to see things in people that are, not nice and make us throw up a bit in our mouths. Have you ever sensed someone who would be fine with genocide if it was carried out in an amusing fashion? And then as they're getting off the subway, they confirm that yes they are that kind of douchebag. So yes, they deserve all the creeped out feeling of the INFJ "I have observed your soul and found it disgusting" stare)
This is very true. There was a period of time where I avoided eye contact as much as possible because I realized that it made people uncomfortable. Sometimes when I'm really in my own head I won't really be thinking about anything in particular and then I'll suddenly realize that I've been staring at a person for about three minutes and they are starting to squeam. The craziest thing is when I'm watching somebody do something I 100% do not approve of. I have accidentally scared people to death because they looked up and I was just there with this intense stare, like, "no". A couple people had trouble talking with me afterwards and I kind of felt guilty. Also, I love used book stores. I don't understand how you can't love them.
Very true, and typical of INFJ's (i guess). I have the same experience with people not understanding how the INFJ takes in information. So many times in social settings with people I don't know, I use the secondary function and just feel my way through the situational setting (very uncomfortable, at first), without processing the inputs that I normally receive with the Extroverted Intuition. It feels so strange, when I do this....Its like removing your shirt and baring ones chest. I said all of this to say that, I do this to not make people uncomfortable. I guess that is a characteristic of an INFJ... Strangely enough I enjoy this, but soon I tire of it and I need to recharge. I love the library and used book stores, I think that INFJ's like book stores/libraries because they can open up their functions and not worry about explaining to someone or offending someone by not talking and interacting with everybody.
People have outright told me I intimidate them but then confuse them because I’m also very friendly. I’ve always found those individuals who withdraw from my gaze to be people who fake much of their personality. If someone is hiding (especially from themselves) in plain sight, that’s the aspect that shines brightest to me. I see what many people are hoping no one can see. I think their “intimidation” is merely panic at the thought of someone witnessing their bare soul. I then try to encourage them to open up.
Ahahah yes my uncle has the same thing.its the energy ur putting and ur intense face expressions,what U could do is to just calm down and don't worry about looking at them just look at they're eyes as if it's a object or something
When I see someone new who seems like a phony or possibly evil, time seems to slow down as I’m analyzing them. When I think back I can remember every nuance of their expressions. To me it’s almost dreamlike.
Jane Marinelli this is so true. I feel people’s vibes. And I’m reading every single micro expression. It’s crazy lol. I often think CIA and FBI needs is more as analysts lol.
I find myself starting at people when they're talking or in a group; but whenever I'm sharing, I can hardly look anyone in the eyes. Not sure if it's too much incoming stimuli to focus on what I'm trying to communicate or if it's more trying to keep my intimate little box of self hidden away.
I’m always in my head thinking and staring and sometimes I forget I’m in a world where there’s people around me. One time this boy told me that I look depressed all the time.
Oreo Lover my mentor who has helped me a lot with the look thing. Said I looked always have this look sorta like a wet puppy looking for love or something. I was like what? I’m not doing anything. He told me he knew I wasn’t aware. It’s all the feelings and pain and what not.
Sometimes when I see someone’s true colors in their eyes it makes ME uncomfortable and I have to look away. It’s like I am afraid I can’t conceal the horror in my expression. I’m the one left feeling too vulnerable, too exposed. I would like to be the kind of person that doesn’t look away.
The introverted intuition mixed with extroverted emotion is a curse sure, I’m saying that being an infj.... but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m secretly proud of it all. It’s hard for me to even understand how others don’t read each other like I do, I’d feel so detached from everything if I didn’t absorb the information and “vibrations” of others.
Nick Hyde I thought everyone could read each other like I do and that it’s a normal thing till I discovered that no one could pick up on the things that I could see so I just stopped trying to explain to them what’s happening and kept everything to myself and followed my gut
Yes. I starting accepting myself as a weirdo and I’m beginning to enjoy all the things that freaked me out and depressed me before. If someone sorta close to me calls me weirdo I would say I think you mean sexy lol. But I can only say that to someone if I know them lol.
2:57 this the most INFJ thing ive heard *makes slight joke about used book stores that is not rlly offensive* "i hope any employees in used book stores are not offended-"
I think INFJ stare's so intense, because we, INFJ are looking through the 3rd eye That explains our big empathy, wanting everyone to be happy and out intuition
Even though I show genuine empathy, people always twist my actions and make me as the bad person 😭😭I dont confront them cause I always overanalyze what they perceive of me and just shrug it off. Worse is when youre roommates with them. 😩
Do not go, with all of that, to a psychiatrist or therapist... this sounds all too keen to warn. But I do not,i.e. NOT, want to tell you how many Random Diagnoses I got, simply because of being a more or less conscious human being. Sorry to be forewarning like that...
When I was dating I would pick out the person I wanted to be with and stare at them. Every time, without fail, they would come over to me and start talking. If I liked them I would continue staring and they would ask me out. If I didn't I looked away and they would leave. Very wonderful superpower! Also, when I used to take public transportation I would not look at nasty troublemakers. I could feel the negativity oozing from them. They would not bother me, hence the INFJ invisiblity cloak...another superpower. Lol
I did this stare to a guy I just met last weekend. The first couple times were unintentional, but I learned how shy he was. He noticed me staring, got a huge smile and looked away embarrassed. It was so endearing that I kept doing it after that on purpose.
Very insightful. I used to stare at people in the gym, because it's like being in a curiosity shop. Now I've discovered meditation and make little to no eye contact, staring into the void. Now everyone stares at me, thinking, 'poor thing lost his marbles'. But seriously, I can study people all day and never get bored.
As an ENFP I love INFJ’s y’all are the kindest and cutest ppl on the planet by the way. I feel safe around y’all and I don’t feel safe around most people 🌸
The feeling of safety is probably why my ENFP grandson and I got along so well when he was a little boy. I looked after him a lot, and I didn't see him engaging in stimming when he was with me, like my daughter talked about due to his Aspergers. I was surprised to hear that he jingled keys a lot around her, which drove her crazy. I never heard him jingle or saw him jiggle, but I did see him move pretty fast sometimes when we were at the water park. It made other people's jaws when he really got going, and laugh and look at me, as if to ask "How do you handle it?" But I just thought it was cute and was glad he was working off his energy. He wasn't like that all the time, but he was always interesting. He is very strong-willed and we had some battle royales to get him to clean up his messes or to write out lines when he misbehaved, but I thought of his personality as "zesty" and, most of the time, a lot of fun.
Im INFP and have a similar piercing stare that ive been told is "intimidating and makes people feel like theyre about to burst into flames" lmao. I look around a lot when im in public, im a pretty observant person but when I really stare with the intention on figuring something out about someone, noticing tiny little cues or hints that that person is being fake and putting on a mask or telling a lie or something like that I can literally feel how uncomfortable it makes people when they know that I know. Its so hard to explain but it takes a special kind of person to really get something by me.
Justin K. I am still figuring myself out. Not sure infj or infp. Have qualitys of both. Funny thing is what makes me most comfortible around people is when i see inperfections, if they stunble words, backtrack or really bad at flirting. In a way it is sort of verification that, that is who they are and when i open up to them and they see mine i won't be judged. But im paranoid about showing inperfection in a fear of someone using it against me or laughing at me so i try to put out this perfect persona. So maybe other people are seeing that perfection and remain guarded, is why i have a very hard time socializing with people. I assume that they assume what i am thinking.. When i stare into eyes of women especially i see someone beautiful i come across as flirting with everyone lol.. and i kind of am when i see something i like in their eyes.. weird.
Just be careful. I thought I was extremely gifted with intuition. Well I am, but it doesn’t apply to all people. Psychopaths and narcissistic people will attract you and vice versa. My best friend is a narcissist. Well long story short I gave him another chance. He then lied to me for 6months straight about the stupidest shit. I can tell within minutes normally if your being superficial or real. He got me again. There are people wired differently just like INFJ’s. But they are evil most the time and opposites attract
Austin Murphy I am also dealing with a person just like that. A compulsive liar. I just can't understand why, the tendency to have to lie all the time. Been trying to stay away from him, but he's trying like hell to hold on to the relationship, for what purpose, I do not know.
*high 5's ya*...ohh gawd!...i get that all the time too,...& im like...what?..cos i'm not transfixed in their blinding light or frozen with fear...lol!
Honestly, I creep out a lot of people because I am absorbing them and I know how they feel before they tell what they really feel. Kinda exhausting anyways, but worth it. I tell them the best advice that I could give to them.
I'm an INTJ, and I just started paying attention to you guys. It's so strange! But it feels wonderful. You do the same thing with people that we do with concepts and ideas. We park on them for a while. I call it the "cooking phase." And I don't mind the INFJ stare at all. It feels flattering. Like I'm the center of the universe. And although it SHOULD be creepy, it actually feels warm.
For me, people tend to open up a lot once we start conversing. I think it's because of what you said at the end, the attention I'm showing feels warm and inviting to them? I guess.
William Krapek- I'm legally blind and an INFJ, and when I talk with people I very much tend to focus on them like they're the center of the universe. Several things have occurred to me, do I focus so intently because I can't see much beyond to be distracted much by my surroundings or is it my personality that drives me to peer so deeply into what my counterpart is talking to me about that causes me to stare so deeply into their eyes? Perhaps my vision does take away from distractions, but I do feel it is more my personality, as I normally do feel a genuine interest in what is being said as long as it is not some shallow conversation, i.e. small talk. Just the same, good to know we aren't creeping everyone out with our soul-piercing stares. lol
Hmmm. Sometimes I don’t know why someone has snagged my attention almost involuntary until I finish analyzing the person. I’ve also noticed there are some that like my stare and the attention I give when they’re around me or are talking to me. If they ever hurt me or I’m mad at them I become so closed off and hurt that I’m not even able to look into their eyes at all. I then feel their restless energy energy almost like they’ll do anything to get that attention back. But I also need time to heal and it takes me a while to get back to that point where I’m comfortable and looking into their eyes again. Weirdo that I am.
i’m an infj, and this is the first video i’ve seen of yours. weird thing is, i cannot understand whatever’s going on with me right now. you have such a familiar energy, and it’s so strong that’s freaking me out...
I get people’s vibes all the time. I tend to keep people at arm’s length. One time I was at a store and there was a guy behind me and I wasn’t even looking at him I was looking at the cashier and all of a sudden my senses just went haywire and I froze like what’s happening cause I had this horrible feeling and I turned and saw the guy running out. He shoplifted. I picked up the bad energy from him somehow even though I totally wasn’t paying attention to him. This happens with people I meet too. Weird.
Omg, the moment I clicked on this and heard your voice, it was super obvious that you were an INFJ. And the cool one, not the crazy one. Even tho all of you are a little crazy .. (ENFP) lol
They are uncomfortable mostly likely because they think you caught something they messed up on or forgot. The worst is when they call you out on it and ask if they missed something... and then "AHHH. " ... what do you say? Do you tell them what they missed if you did notice? As an extravert, I do for various reasons but that IS awkward. I have an ability to just sweep things under the rug and let the magic of my doubled dimpled smile distract them hopefully quick enough so I can get back to whatever I was doing in my head... You would be amazed how far the attitude of jedi mind trick of "it's no big deal" to others will get you ....as an introvert I imagine that would be soul crushing if you have not mastered that jedi mind trick. I also was very quickly made to sit in the very front row even though I always would choose the very back seat at first so at least I didnt have to see the others as the teacher called me out. I just got to feel their presence.
Omfg I used to do this all the time. When I’d get in trouble with my teacher in elementary school or even with my parents I’d just stare at them while they were yelling at me with no expression...they used to think I had a problem 😂💀 I had another teacher in elementary school that was very kind tho. She understood me like nobody ever did. I still think about her sometimes.
When my Mom yelled at me when I was 12, I stared at her, but only to make her think I was paying close attention so that she wouldn't get angrier. In my head, I was on a tropical island, palm trees waving in the wind, waves swishing against the white sand of a beach. I could hear what she said and remember it, but it was far away.
It's also amazing to me that people think I'm expressionless when I know how in tune I am with everything. But yes - sometimes I have to consciously remember to integrate a facial expression to make others more comfortable haha!
I had to work a lot on my self confidence to hold eye contact, and don't have much trouble with it nowadays. But oh boy you should see me when I'm drunk with a nice person. Confidence + Curiosity makes me stare endlessly into the eyes of the person I'm talking to. I'm absorbed by the conversation, like they become my whole world for a while. I enjoy it, and them seeing I only care about them makes them happy. It's nice.
I usually force myself to look into the eye while im listening to others but when i have to talk i cannot bc my thoughts drive away my eyes i literally cant contol it :0
It’s amazing how much we like to stare but cannot bear a single second of being stared at 😂. I get so uncomfortable and all my senses go haywire. Even if I don’t have a direct line of vision to the person I’m going crazy cause I feel eyes on me.
Great video! Can you make a video on INFJ stuttering/jumbling words/having trouble putting words to our thoughts when interacting with people?(especially people that are strangers or acquaintances)
at times yes but what i feel is mostly my thoughts are just racing or going faster than my speech or what im currently talking to if that makes any sense....that to me is when i seem to stutter or jump over my words that the other person is starting to get confused.
