The problem with waiting to get married until later is you build up a whole life and identity that becomes very fixed and difficult to change. You want someone to complete your life but marriage is about building a life together. Your chances of finding someone that fits an already established life is a lot lower unless you know how to be flexible, accommodating and selfless.
Also Depends on what you mean by getting “married until later”. Generally marriages started in late-20s / early-30s have the lowest divorce rates compared to those marrying as teens or much later in life.
@lux-varitatis Well, you’re correct, but that, as I see it, is the crux of the problem: Flexibility, accommodation, and selflessness, are what any marriage takes, and as long as these values are treated as anathema by the second coming of the “Me Generation,” they will continue to be rare, finding someone with them will therefore be harder, therefore, marriages will continue to be postponed until later in life, not because we want to, necessarily, but because people who understand what this is really all about get rarer and rarer on the ground.
Men thinking about their family instead of just their career is so important. My husband went back to school to finish his engineering degree (only had 2 years left before dropping out) because the field is great to balance with a family. He was a small business owner, working 6/7 days and making less than he is now. It was the best decision for us starting our family. He has a lot of days off, flexibility, able to be present with our children. That is priceless! And encourage men to think about a career they can balance with a family if they care about that!
I love that you said this. I’m wondering what the best dynamic will be for my wife and I when we start having kids. I want her to be able to stay home but I also don’t want to be that dad that’s away all the time. Like I don’t want to work more than 50-55 hours a week or so. I really want to be there with my kids too. Guess we have some things to figure out still
@@awsambdaman best of luck to you! Praying you figure out what works best for your family! Now that you don’t have kids yet is the best way to do some research on what path would be best to have a good life/work balance. Also depending on the area you live, what are things you are willing to sacrifice to have your wife stay home. For us for example is a smaller home. We have 5 kids and 3 bedrooms. Our 4 boys will be in 1 room and it’s a sacrifice we are willing to make for other things in our life. I still think it’s possible to have this lifestyle if you really desire it and work together to achieve it!
@@Arnsteel634 we’re in MI automotive engineering hub. Everyone has flexible jobs here and no he’s not ‘on call’ 24/7. What kind of engineer are you that that’s the case?
The “we before me” mentality is the opposite of the divorce mentality. The state always, without exception, 100 percent of the time, sides with the “me before we” mentality.
Marriage is the foundation of a happy life for kids and both the parents. A mother brings something to the table, and a father brings something to the table.
I hope he addresses the correlation between family instability and lack of family formation and the passage of no-fault divorce. With unilateral “no-fault” divorce - divorce on demand, divorce for any reason or for no reason- divorce against which there is no remedy or defense - marriage is no longer a legally protected institution.
I waited until much older to get married and have children. I didn’t think I was going to but when I met my wife who is much younger so having children was easier on her and we both had the same vision for developing a family and despite our age difference we are happy and have fun. I retired early to stay home with our boys and she is building her career. There are challenges for certain but overall we make it work for us.
Lose my house. Lose my retirement. Lose my paycheck to spousal and child support. False domestic violence charges. I’ll pass. Never put yourself in a position when someone can unilaterally take everything you worked for. And never put yourself in a position to stand before a judge.
Saying "just get married" isn't really a solution. Which is why I argue that marriage isn't gonna be revived this generation or the next until people start preparing people for marriage. That means making men strong capable and competent and preparing women to actually BE in a long term marriage instead of just focusing on their wedding day.
@@DannySmith862 in light of what I wrote, that actually is a very stupid comment. Abysmally stupid. All I said was quit incentivizing divorce - whether for the man or the woman. What is wrong with that? Likewise, saying to get rid of unilateral “forced” divorce does not mean getting rid of all divorce. There are reasons for some divorces, but many divorces are unnecessary. Many people - men or women - who get divorced because they are “unhappy” - end up being much more unhappy in the end - and they often disdain or ruin their kids lives in the interim. As he said, the “We before me” mentality is crucial - and opposite to the way states legislate on divorce.
@@jeffinjordan Given most divorce is initiated by women, disallowing divorce would penalize women who are unhappy in their marriage by forcing them to stay, which is exactly the way it used to be.
@@DannySmith862 absolutely we do. Once again, I never said get rid of divorce. Unfortunately, sometimes that may be the only remedy. But I did say to get rid of “no-fault” divorce, such as the Texas GOP platform calls for. (I was the person who got that passed and added to the platform.) Marriage is not a prison. If a person wants to leave, he or she can leave. But absent any true fault, they should not be rewarded with half - or more than half - of the marital assets when they are abandoning the marital estate. I work for a corporation. If I leave the corporation, I return all the property back to the corporation. I don’t get to take it with me. I lose all access to the perks of employment, including access to the email that I used. If we applied no-fault divorce practices to employment law, the company would have to pay me to leave and let me keep the perks.
I have this guy’s book. He’s fabulous!!!! He’s inspired me to write my own book. I went to school for Anthropology and have a Master of Science degree. The science IS behind this movement!
Brad Wilcucks married a woman who was actually attracted to a 'moody artist from Seattle', but she needed a beta provider. She then demanded that they adopt a lot of black kids. That is why Wilcucks did not make the ONE decent point he could have made, about how children are a joy. In his case, children are not a joy because they are NOT his (and black). Plus, in his recent book, he demands that men marry MtF transgenders (yes, really), since they 'identify as women' so marrying them counts as his version of 'traditional marriage'. Men should avoid 'conservatism' at all costs. No man wants to trade places with Brad Wilcucks.
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One of my husband's favorite mottos is "I am Third." God first, other second, I am third. Says it helps him remember who and what are most important in life ❤
Anddddd there's nothing in this whole discussion about the idolatry of marriage and the importance of what being people do when they're single prior to marriage. My colleague is a divorce lawyer and has told me that the vast majority of divorces he handles are filed by women who were married in their 20s. Why might that be? I think it's because women are socialized to idolize marriage, chase a fairytale, and check it off of a list as soon as possible. There's no talk about really understanding what marriage is and what it requires of them. So once the novelty wears off (it does) the dissatisfaction and frustration start to fester. There's no preparation for marriage, just the wedding day. This sets everyone up for failure. So I don't really agree with the directive of "just get married" because, while it's the most important decision you'll make in your life, you have to wait on God's timing to meet your spouse. But it terrifies a lot of women to think that they may not meet their spouse until a little later in life. And I get it, it's a legitimate fear. But the alternative seems to be, "marry someone who looks good now because I want to be married on my timeline, not God's, and then if it doesn't make me happy then divorce'. And so you end up single again at 40 anyway. The discussion has some good points but overlooks inportant nuances.
My best friend since childhood is now separated from her husband and likely heading for divorce (they sold their home and both moved into new places). She wants it and he doesn’t. It honestly feels so sad, I was their maid of honour and they have three kids under 9. It’s just a tricky place to be in because I care about them both. All I can do is pray and hope for the best possible outcome.
Dr. Wilcox: Research consistently shows that babies need a lot of contact with a primary care giver in their first year and that research has involved only mothers so we don't know if fathers can provide a baby's need for contact from a primary care-giver in the first year. Lila: Research shows that babies need to be with their mothers.
Why would any man get married… infidelity is so prolific. No matter how good you think your wife is, some else is going to getting her off, that’s why they promote guys to cheat now days. Their promoting marriage so hard these days because they know it just looks better than people just staying single and sleeping around, there is more money to be made for government, they promote marriage as a open relationship that you just don’t talk it, or all other perverse behaviors and consequences of this sick society.
Got married in 2017 at 20 years old, my wife was 18 7 years later we have 3 beautiful children. I’m so thankful for the guidance I had to go against the norm. God is good
If people stopped choosing divorce the laws wouldn’t matter. This is an issue with people’s priorities, not the law. If you’re married to someone who would find reasons to divorce,then you are already on a shaky foundation. The solution is to show the significance and benefits of marriage and why people should stay in them, not just throw out legislation. It’s also to show the proper design for marriage and how to honor that. If people don’t understand these things, laws won’t matter - the marriages will be disastrous either way.
@@lux-veritatis I disagree. With unilateral divorce, only one person needs to make the choice. The other person has nothing that he or she can do to stop the divorce. It is a pre-determined outcome. He or she will lose half of his or her stuff and ongoing daily access to the children. One maxim often cited is, “The law is our teacher.” Bad laws become bad teachers, which lead to bad behavior. Unilateral divorce is particularly heinous and tyrannical. Lenin instituted unilateral divorce after the Bolshevik revolution. The results were so disastrous that in July 1926 The Atlantic Magazine wrote an article called The Russian Effort to Abolish Marriage. The societal results were so bad that Stalin - certainly no friend of the family - made it harder to divorce. Marx and Engels wrote The Abolition of the Family in the 1800’s. We have adopted the Marx-Engels-Lenin view of marriage by allowing unilateral divorce - divorce on demand - divorce for any reason or no reason - divorce against which there is no defense. Ronald Reagan said that signing no-fault divorce legislation as Governor of California was his biggest regret from public office. Mike Huckabee said it was the worst thing that ever happened to America. NOW leader Betty Friedan said that feminists did not realize the unintended consequences of no-fault divorce. Speaker of the House Mike Johnson and Dr. Ben Carson have spoken out against it. Tim Poole astutely observes the no-fault divorce has ended marriage. Why is family formation decreasing and out-of-wedlock births rising? One of the main reasons, I believe, is because so many people have seen how no-fault divorce has destroyed people and children. To get married with unilateral divorce laws in place is like playing Russian roulette with three chambers loaded. Very few sane people will do that.
@@lux-veritatisWhy would women stop choosing divorce when it is so easy for them to convert it into cash and prizes? Women brag about their starter marriages, that they are in it for a set period when they can maximize the "bag". Until Brad Wilcuck deals with that, there is absolutely no incentive for men to commit to a contract where one party is incentivized to break it for cash, prizes and all legal considerations.
@@lux-veritatisAll women are incentivized to divorce. Just because she isn't that way now doesn't mean she won't be in 10 years. The first step to rectifying the problem is legislation. Because right now, divorce is attractive to women and will be as long as the state rewards her for doing so. You people live in a fantasy world.
Thank you for posting this and all that you do to advocate for the sanctity of family and life. People should see this video. The day you posted this video was what would have been the 60th anniversary for my parents: June 6, 1964 in Alexandria Virginia. Unfortunately, My father passed away in June 2017.
It's kind of frustrating to watch these because I believe marriage to be a good thing but I have not heard a single person in any of these videos address the real problems.
Never again. It’s a suckers bet… unless you marry religiously and not “officially.” As long as “no fault divorce” is a thing, it will be a bad deal for men. Marry me for pure love with zero financial connections. Show me you’re a good, loyal woman.
most nations cover those eventualities... Even if you never married they will still nail you to the cross as her husband if you have kids... or even just live together for long enough and she decides to take you to court.(all her legal expenses paid for by government if she loses, if she wins you pay for it)
Marriage is good if you have standards. You can’t expect a man or woman who have no virtue to be a good spouse. If a person marry’s a bad person, they are to blame. The signs are typically there. Someone I know was dating a man who would not allow her to change the car radio. When they married, she wasn’t allowed to answer the phone. The red flags were there. There are men who make their wife work but expect a clean home, and women who expect to stay home but make it clear that they can’t cook and are not willing to learn. The signs are there and must be taken seriously.
I gave my all, ( God ,Jesus ,Holy Spirit )is watching, repent often, His atoning grace alone saves us. He is in control, He rewards the righteous. Marriage is ordained by God.
Sports and individual activities were put first and my husband stopped praying with us to focus on his tv shows. The only family supper was with the enlarged family Sunday supper at my mother in law. So now my adult kids 18-21 24 living at our house almost never eat with us as a whole family. Sometimes one sits with us but is gone in a few minutes. Never having family supper time and I see almost aggressive if I ask for a bit of time with us for chores or eating at home with us. They don't have time. I might have them doing the dishes . Always alone. They don't want me there with them. All the family expects me to have the house cleaned because I am a stay at home mom 😔
Technology is a barrier to marriage but one of the aspects that isn't mentioned is the simple fact that it makes cheating WAY easier. If you're a women you suddenly have access to thousands of prospects at the click of a button(men too but much less so). So theres very little reason for anyone these days to think their partner has been faithful. Even if you think you "chose right" it still happens. Easy access plus lack of strong morals/values is a formula for disaster. It'll take decades to train up generations about people with strong moral fiber and encourage new social norms surrounding the disuse of technology(because it's poisoned us).
Giving birth is always Almighty God's Will. Having a baby at anytime rich or poor brings blessings and Divine Providence into your life. The college educated spend 27 years paying back student loans. This makes the college educated poor . They pay a 2000 dollar a month mortgage and a 2000 a month student loan. Ai will obliterate college jobs completely. In the 60's all were married between 16 and 21. That is why they celebrate 60 year Anniversaries. Chaste young martiage no birth control solves all problems.
Modern women standards and beliefs have been high jacked due to social media and women are now getting fomo during healthy relationships because of what they see on Instagram
Of course Brad knows Nancy Pearcey; he and his work are written about in her book you mentioned, Lila. It was thru reading her excellent book that I learned of him!
I have to wonder as single people get older and get dementia or Alzheimer’s who will take care of them and their money? It’s a recipe for disaster. Historically it has been one’s children that would handle all that. Being single for life works as long as one remains independent and healthy.
@@pmthert523 oh just stop. Very rare. It seriously happens to deadbeat parents that abused their kids. The far majority of children takes care of their parent. And childless people will never have that.
@alqoshgirl No. It's not that rare at all. Maybe just quit with the shaming tactics. Some people think marriage and kids is the best way to live life. Go ahead and take that risk if you want. Others don't want marriage and kids. And that's fine too. But the false narratives to try to shame people who don't want to live life like you...don't make your point. It's just the opposite
@@LiveActionFilms Nope. A study done a few weeks ago after the Harrison Butker controversy showed that people in Non Traditional Marriages are significantly happier than people in Traditional Marriages. Because that's what happens when you actually love your partner instead of viewing them as an object that you can pump 10+ kids out of.
Or to just not marry at all. Marriage is the single worst decision a man can make with his life, by orders of magnitude. He is literally flushing his quality of life straight down the toilet
